Every day... every day she looked into the face of her little muffin and put on a mask. A smile, a hoof through the mane, a happy trip to school (except on weekends), and then...
Chaos at the post office. But that was work.
The stares of ponies who didn't understand. Who didn't know.
The futile efforts at comforting from ponies who thought they understood.
All the while wearing a smile, trying her darndest to convince those watching that yes, she was stable, yes, she could handle it all, no she did not kiss her daughter to bed just so she wouldn't see her mother crying herself to sleep. At least she could count on the confectionery business to feed her addiction. She didn't even know why she had it, but what the hay, she liked muffins. Muffy muffins. Mmmm.
And this day started out like every other day. Which was why she was surprised when a pink pony popped out of her postal bag midflight.
***
"JUT BEE WELL?!"
Pinkie Pie waved, accidentally dislodging a few envelopes. "Hey! I just thought you needed a quick chatup!" For some inexplicable reason, she was wearing glasses. "How are things with you? Is Dinky doing good in school and stuff? Also maybe we should land. Up to you, of course, but if I were you I'd be thinking having a pony in one satchel and not in the other could unbalance my flight path and also I'd be white."
Derpy Hooves blinked, trying to bring her eyes in focus, before giving up and descending. Even she couldn't understand Pinkie sometimes. "What are blue doing in hair anyway?"
"I told you, I wanted to talk with you!" The party pony hopped out of the bag, shaking like a dog to dislodge even more envelopes. Derpy noted with some bemusement that she was also wearing her Winter Wrap Up vest; given that this was the middle of spring, it boded ill that Pinkie was prepared to break some ice. She instinctively glanced up, looking for wayward clouds; no, the weather team seemed to have a sunny day scheduled.
"...Okay, what do you want to walk about?"
"Oh whatever. You know. Anything." Pinkie was grinning. "Just whatever. Tell me anything."
"...You're pink?" Derpy ventured.
"GAAAAASP! You're right! I'm like super pink except my mane's more of a fuschia and I don't have pink eyes but Rainbow Dash does and HEEEEEEY if Rainbow and I switched eyes we would have awesome matching colors all over our body except Dashie has the whole chromatic mane thing and OHMYGOSH do you think Dashie wears contacts so she can be a total rainbow because that would make total sense but the only way to know for sure would be to remove her eyeballs and that's not a surgical technique I'm allowed to do and speaking of eyeballs you have very pretty golden ones!"
Said very pretty golden eyeballs were spinning around more then usual in their attempt to follow the pink pony's bouncing around their confused owner. Derpy shook her head, managing to focus. "Oh, um... thank you? I really got to get these letters delivered though so if two don't mind--" She suddenly peered at her own muzzle and growled. "I mean, if you don't mind I'll bust--JUST get back on the job. Okay?"
"Oki-doki-loki! I'll help!"
"No, that's really not--" Her words were lost to the blur of pink gathering up the lost letters and stuffing them haphazardly into her saddlebags. "No, seriously, I can't ask you to--"
"Silly filly, you don't need to ask!" Pinkie giggled brightly, nudging her glasses up. "I've already decided to stay with you allllll daaaaaaay loooooooooooooooooooooooooong."
Derpy Hooves stared at her.
She smiled back.
"...Oh look! Gummy!" The pegasus pointed randomly and then bolted.
"What? Where?!" Pinkie glanced around briefly before realizing she'd been had. She flicked her hoof up and clicked her tongue. "Shoot! Curse my jester instincts!"
***
"Here you go! A letter for Romana, four for Minuette, and two for Colgate!"
The blue unicorn took the letters with a raised eyebrow. "Derpy Hooves, you don't know how lucky you are. You only have one name."
"Two."
"What?"
"I used to be Ditzy Doo, but then..." Derpy shrugged. "It's a long and sordid story, Romana Colgate Minuette. I have no wish to discuss it."
"Fair enough. Still, sorting through all this mail can be a hassle..." She gave the mailmare a terse smile. "I'm not blaming you or anything. Just saying."
"It's okay, I blunder hand completely." The pegasus groaned. "Understand. Sorry about that, Pinkie startled me earlier..."
"Really?"
"She popped out of my mailbags and said she'd follow tree all say long."
"Oh." The blue unicorn coughed. "You may not want to turn around then."
Derpy blinked. Then she sighed. "She's right behind me isn't she."
"Well I'm not right right behind you, I'm a bit to the left, but I guess that's close enough to be considered behind!"
The mailmare gave Romana a longsuffering look, which was returned with a sympathetic smile, then turned around to face the party pony. Who was still, inexplicably, wearing glasses and a vest. "Okay. What do you want, Pinkie?"
"Oh just to talk, you know, about things, whatever..." The other pony waved a hoof vaguely. "How are things with you and Dinky?"
"Absolutely perfect." Derpy gave Pinkie a withering glare. "Why, do you have some sort of problem with us?"
"Nope, not me! I think you're actually kinda adorable together." Even the party pony could see she'd stepped into a minefield. "I was just curious anyway, didn't mean to imply anything. Sorry! If you want we can talk about something else, like pancakes or regular cakes or cupcakes or cheesecakes or wedding cakes--"
The pegasus sighed, rubbing her forehead. "I need a muffin."
Instantaneously, Pinkie produced a tray of warm muffins. "Sure thing! I've got blueberry, cranberry, apple, pumpkin, barley, alcohol, chocolate, banana, coconut--"
"Barley, thanks."
"That'll be five bits!"
Derpy handed her the coins casually, taking her preferred pastry and biting into it. Mmmmm. Muffy goodness.... Her spirits lifted somewhat as she walked further down the road. Right, there were two letters for Pokey Pierce, and then three more for Lemon Hearts... Her ears flicked as she heard the sound of hooves behind her.
"...Yes, Pinkie?"
"Hmm? I didn't say anything!"
With a roll of her eyes, the mailmare knocked on the next door. Pokey opened it with a smile. "Hey there Derpy! And um..." He waved nervously at Pinkie.
"Don't worry, Mister Pierce." The baker narrowed her eyes. "Business comes before pleasure, and right now I'm being paid."
"Wait, what?" Derpy Hooves gave Pinkie a confused look. "You said you just wanted to talk with me!"
"Yep! That's what I'm being paid for!"
"Shoe would pay glue to talk to three?"
"Sorry, doctor-patient confidentiality!"
"You're a doctor?" Pokey asked in wide-eyed fear. "Because I'm totally sorry about what happened andIwon'tdoitagain--"
"I'm not that kind of a doctor, Mister Pierce. You can thank your lucky stars for that."
The pegasus held up a hoof. "Wait, hold on. Somepony paid you to stalk me all day long?"
"Weeeeellllll not exactly. They paid me for results and the stalking thing is just a method."
Derpy narrowed her eyes. So. This again. "If anypony has any issue on how I'm treating my daughter they can tell me to my FACE, miss Pie. Your presence is neither required nor preferred."
"Oh this isn't about your daughter, believe you me!" Pinkie Pie wrapped a conspiratorial foreleg around the seething mailmare. "In fact, if anypony tried to change anything about your relationship with Dinky, I might have to break out my special cupcakes for them. You two deserve each other." She smiled broadly. "Your auntie Pinkie is here whenever you need her!"
Pokey coughed. "Er..."
With a start, Derpy Hooves handed him his mail. "Oh sorry! It's just, well," she gestured at Pinkie helplessly.
"I don't blame you, she's scarier then Nightmare Moon."
"It's good to know you have such a high opinion of me, Mister Pierce."
The unicorn clapped his hooves to his mouth when he'd realized what he'd said. He shut the door quickly in a futile attempt to hid from the cold blue gaze of Pinkimena Diane Pie.
After a moment, Derpy sighed. "Book, if you're going boo be with me rile I'm lurking, eye not to hair my customers. Okay?"
"Oki-doki-loki!" Instantly, Pinkie was back to her normal bouncy self.
Derpy sighed. It was going to be a long day, wasn't it.
***
Her medication had run its course too early. So she'd taken a moment to sit down and pull out her pills... which had caused Pinkie to gasp dramatically.
"Wow, what is that?!"
The pegasus sighed, turning the label.
"Zolpidem? Huh, weird name. Why do you take it?"
"Song birds." Derpy shook her head. "Wrong words. Helps." She cringed at the horrible white thing in her hoof, but put it in her mouth and swallowed. With a sigh, she stuffed it back into her bag. "Once a beak. Week."
"Aphasia medication? Never heard of it."
"It's... not easy to get a prescription for." Derpy was surprised that Pinkie knew that word. "And it doesn't work for all cases." The pegasus stood up. "Could you not tell anypony, please?"
"Derpy... you're not hurting yourself with that stuff, are you?"
"What? No!" The pegasus laughed. "No, no no. Um. I do have an actual prescription, see?" She brought out the paperwork for the baker to examine. "There's my name, there's my doctor's name--"
"This is a prescription to treat insomnia."
Derpy Hooves winced.
"...Look, if your doctor doesn't know how you're using this--"
"It's experimental!"
Pinkie blinked. "What now?"
The mailmare sighed. "It's... they know that it can help some kinds of aphasia, but they're not sure why. I... may have convinced my doctor to give me some so I could, you know, handle myself better. It's all completely legal," she added quickly, "I was--am still kinda insomniac, and I don't overdose and he knows about my other use. Just... I don't want anypony to know, okay?" Derpy's expression was pleading. "I get enough with my eyes, can you just keep this secret?"
Pinkie Pie gazed at her over her glasses, her expression unreadable.
"...Please?"
"...Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." The baker performed the motions, then held up a hoof. "Emergency exclusion, though, if you're in medical danger I get to tell who I need to tell."
"I'm okay with that." Derpy started off on her route again. "Dinky follows the same rule."
"What? She knows?"
The mailmare snorted. "I'm not going to lie to my own daughter. And she's a unicorn, I can't really keep her from getting into these. All I can do is tell her what they are..." Her gaze fell to the ground. "Can't keep her safe..."
"Whoa hey now!" Pinkie scooted in front of her, stopping her with a firm hoof. "Don't you ever say that, you hear? I know for a fact that you could face Tartarus to keep her out of harm's way. You are a great mother for her. Heck, you're the perfect mother for her! Her face just lights up when you're around! And, um, and you have matching manes!"
Derpy smiled just a bit, raising her head. "Thanks. I... thanks. Her face lights up?"
"Like a little sun." The baker tilted her head and gave her a cocky grin. "And I've actually met princess Celestia, so you know that I have a firsthoof basis on this one."
"Heh..." The pegasus looked into the sky. "Well, at least I'm doing something right."
"Yes you are!" Pinkie spun round. "Now, let's do more right things! ONWARD TO MAIL!"
"Yes ma'am." Derpy shook her head with a small grin. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all.
***
"Okay, so that's Shoeshine's mail," Derpy announced.
"Some of those thick envelopes were for somepony called Linky!"
"That's, um, her... stage name." The pegasus coughed, blushing and averting her gaze. "She, ah, she's a very pretty pony if you catch my drift."
Pinkie Pie tilted her head in confusion. "I could see that, but what does being pretty have to do with a name for a stage?"
"No, I mean that's what she calls herself on the stage."
"Really? Why?"
Derpy Hooves took one look at the baker's confused face and made her decision. "...Forget it. Forget all of it. Don't call her Linky in public and DON'T ask about her show."
Pinkie blinked. "What, is she a bad actor?"
"...So the next pony on the route is Junebug! And after that is Sp--"
Her voice caught in her mouth. Here? Already?
"Derpy?"
"Amethyst Star." She shrugged, keeping her eyes away from Pinkie's face. "Sorry, I... got her confused with Sea Swirl for a moment there."
"They do kinda look alike," the baker conceded. "I'm kinda surprised though cause I know you know all the mail and know where everypony lives. And Sea Swirl lives two blocks down."
"It's the medication," Derpy said without thinking. "After I take it I'm a little wonky."
Pinkie lowered her glasses suspiciously. "A little bit wonky."
"Yes. Don't worry, it just happens. I can deal."
"Derpy Hooves nee Ditzy Doo, I saw you swallow that pill and maintain continued functionality for an hour and thirty minutes, during which you delivered mail to no less then forty seven houses and managed to have a decent conversation with no less then thirty two residents of said houses. And while I am an incredibly silly and whimsical pony, I am by no means stupid. Now could you try that again with maybe a teensy bit more honesty?"
The mailmare started at the unexpected sternness of the baker's tone. She glanced at the house, looked back at Pinkie... then slumped her wings with a defeated sigh. "You're not going to give up on this, are you?"
"I got paid for results and I think I'm onto something here. So no."
"Well... Amethyst and I have a bit of a history. That's all."
Pinkie leaned in. "REEEEEEALY?"
"Yes."
"Good history or bad?"
"Look, I don't want to talk about it--"
"Tell me tell me tell me!"
Derpy was pressed against a wall now. "Please don't do this--"
"TELLLLLLL MEEEEEEE!"
"I can't--"
"Okay how's this. You tell me and I let you know who paid me."
The pegasus paused. "...What?"
"You tell me what's going on here, and I'll let you know who paid me to stalk you."
Blue eyes somehow managed to lock onto golden eyes despite them going in different directions.
And Derpy caved. "Okay. Okay, okay, I... please don't tell anypony about this."
"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." The baker didn't back off, but somehow managed to go through the motions without harming the mailmare.
"...She's my daughter."
Pinkie nodded.
Derpy sighed. "She's my... little Sparkler... They took her away after my accident. And, and I let them take her, I let them..."
The pegasus breathed a shuddering breath, tears forming in her eyes. Pinkie caught her, helping her into a sitting position. She didn't say anything.
"And, and, and when I had another little filly, I thought... I thought, this is my chance to make it up, because, I, I didn't know where she was, and, and then I came here, and..." Derpy brought her hooves to her eyes. "And I can't look at her, I just can't, I just... she knows, I know she knows, Dinky knows, but I can't..."
Pinkie rocked her gently, her thought process still as unreadable as always.
"I, I slip her mail under the door, and then, that's it, and I pass her house every day, I could always knock, but I just... I can't..."
They sat there for some time.
***
Eventually, she was composed again, knocking on Junebug's door. The earth pony, upon seeing the tears on her cheeks, had immediately invited her in for some tea. Pinkie had joined them, of course, but she was uncharacteristically quiet and polite as she sipped the beverages. Her blue eyes had never left the mailmare.
It was a bit unnerving.
Eventually, Derpy put down her cup. "So... Pinkie. You said you'd tell me who paid you."
"So it would seem."
The pegasus waited patiently.
The pink pony refilled her cup, adding eight lumps of sugar.
Junebug looked between them, confused. "Who paid her?"
"She's been following me all day. Apparently somepony paid her to."
"Oh, um, well..." The yellow pony gave Pinkie an askance look. "And... did this pony pay you to wear glasses?"
"Nope! The glasses just look professional!" The baker kept her gaze on Derpy, who had gone for one of the biscuits.
Their hostess coughed. "Oh, they do, Pinkie, but... um... how do I put this? Following a pony can be, well, misinterpreted."
Derpy snorted. "That's an understatement."
Pinkie just smiled.
Eventually the mailmare couldn't handle it anymore. She stood up. "Look, Pinkie, you said you'd tell me who you're working for!"
There was an unexpectedly devious grin on the party pony's face. "You'll know by the end of the day, I Pinkie Pie promise."
"What?!"
"Cross my heart and hope to fly--"
"I want to know now!"
"Um," Junebug interrupted hesitantly, "Derpy, darling, could you maybe calm down?"
"--stick a cupcake in my eye!" Pinkie finished.
The pegasus took a long, deep breath.
Then she released it with a sigh. Glancing down, she realized she had crushed the biscuit... and the coffee table in her angry outburst. "Oh... Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry Junebug, I--"
"It's okay. Just... just go."
"I, I'll pay for a new one--"
The yellow pony held a hoof to her mouth. "I understand." Her gaze shot askance to the pink pony who was now gathering the teaset together. "You've been dealing with a lot today. But please... just go now, okay?"
"...alright. And... thanks for, you know, the tea...:"
"It was nothing. I'd do the same for anypony."
Pinkie bounced up. "And besides, you have MAIL to deliver! ONWARD!" She pointed dramatically.
Derpy sighed. "Um, Pinkie, my route is that way." She walked out the front door, glancing at the next house with a wince.
"I'm pointing dramatically, it doesn't have to be the right way."
The mailmare rolled her eyes. Then, with trepidation, she approached the next house.
Pinkie was still smiling as she took the letters and slid them under the door.
Derpy stood and--
"No, sorry, that's not going to cut it." In one smooth motion, the baker opened the door, shoved her inside, and shut her in.
"PINKIE PIE LET ME OUT OF HERE!"
"I'm getting paid for results!"
Derpy pounded on the door desperately. "Pinkie, I swear to Celestia if you don't let me out now--"
"The door doesn't lock from the outside," a new voice pointed out. "You could just open it."
***
Slowly, Derpy Hooves turned around. There, manifest in the form of a unicorn with a deadpan gaze, was her guilt, her shame, the result of the worst mistake of her life.
She was, obviously, waiting for something.
"Um... he-hello..."
"Hey."
The two of them stood there.
Outside the door, Pinkie abruptly began humming some tune. "Hmmm hmm hm hm hmmm, hmmm hmm hm hm hmmm..."
"...So. Pinkie Pie."
"Strange mare," the unicorn agreed. "Hard to believe she's a national hero."
"Yeah."
Pinkie continued humming.
Eventually the mailmare slumped, defeated. "Look, Spa--Amethyst. I... I'm sorry I haven't come around earlier, and... and I'm sorry that I was..." She let the sentence drift off.
The unicorn rolled her eyes. "What? That you were hurt? That wasn't your fault, I know that."
"No, I mean..." The pegasus looked up. "I, I abandoned you, and--"
"No."
"What?"
"No, you did not abandon me." The unicorn walked closer. "You let your doctors put me in a foster care system when you thought you couldn't take care of me. Yes, you gave me away, but you only did it because you loved me."
"I... what?" Derpy looked at her.
Amethyst sighed. "What you did hurt me, yeah. I'm not going to say it didn't and I'm not going to say it was right, but it wasn't the end of the world. I..." She glanced at the ground, embarrassed. "I changed my name out of spite and confusion, but... I'm still your little Sparkler."
"You..." And then the dam broke, and the pegasus surged forward. "Oh I'm sorry, I just, I'm so sorry! I, I I..."
"I know, I know..." Sparkler returned the hug. "I forgave you long ago, mom. Don't worry... I'm here."
The mailmare sobbed. "But, but I was, I was a horrible mother--"
"And now you aren't. I've seen you and Dinky together."
Derpy tensed.
"...I'm not mad. I'm... happy. Just... come by more often, okay?"
"...I will."
"And try to get dad to stop being so weird."
Derpy laughed. "Yeah, that's not going to happen."
***
Pinkie waited patiently outside the door. Well, all right, she was counting the leaves in the trees across the street, and amusing herself making up long and epic stories on their history. She was up to the third chlorophyll civil war when Derpy finally emerged.
The mailmare gave her a pointed glare and a snort.... then she smiled and shook her head.
Pinkie smiled back. "Well, my work here is done! See ya!"
"Wait--" Derpy looked up, but the party pony was already bouncing down the road. "Wait! Pinkie! Where are you going?!"
"Sugarcube Corner, duh! I gotta prep some muffin mix for tomorrow!"
"Who paid you?! You said you'd tell me who paid you!"
"And you have MAIL to deliver! Toodles!"
"PINKIE PIE YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!"
The baker only laughed, bounding round the bend. Derpy almost went after her... but she looked up at the sun and realized that all of Pinkie's shenanigans had already put her behind schedule. With a frustrated, incoherent shout, she swerved round and stormed down her route.
***
With heavy breaths, she managed to make it to the schoolhouse just before the bell rang. She had managed to get her mail delivered, just barely; all that remained in her saddlebags were letters to her own home. Derpy managed to smile a genuine smile, though; she'd just caught sight of her little muffin charging out of the building right at her.
"Mommy mommy mommy! You're here!"
"Of course I'm here, silly filly! A mailmare is never late!" The pegasus struck a dramatic pose... before nearly collapsing. "Oh, but I had a really weird day today."
"Oh? I did too!" Dinky pulled out her papers. "See today we were supposed to draw our favorite pony in the whole wide world but there were no grey crayons so I had to try to use a black one and then Snails saw me drawing and he thought I was drawing Nightmare Moon so he kinda freaked out..."
Derpy giggled, taking the drawing in her own wings. "He thought Nightmare Moon was a blond?"
"Yeah! Weird, huh?"
"Really weird." Handing the paper back, she kneeled down. "Hop on, muffin!"
Dinky complied, wrapping her hooves around her mother's neck. Soon enough, they were gliding in for a landing at Carrot Top's cabin, waving at their landlord. The carrot farmer smiled back at them. "Hey Dinky, did it work?"
"I don't know, I didn't ask yet!"
Derpy let her daughter down. "Didn't ask what?"
"Oh, um..." The unicorn shuffled her feet. "Well, um, nothing!"
A pair of misaligned golden eyes narrowed. "Nothing? Sounds like somepony's keeping a secret..."
Suddenly she leapt at her daughter, who was already running off with a shriek of laughter.
"I'm going to tickle that secret out of you, little filly!"
"Only if you catch me!"
Carrot Top winced as a flowerpot fell over and crashed to the ground, unnoticed by the two. "Hey! Try to keep from breaking things!"
Derpy whirled around. "Sorry! Won't happen again!" In the time her eyes were off her daughter, though, the unicorn had disappeared. "Oh no. Oh where could she be?"
The unicorn, for her part, remained still as possible in the bushes.
"Oh where oh where is my little muffin?" The pegasus began to stalk around the garden with exaggerated steps. "I don't know where she is, oh no! Did she go inside? Oh, maybe she learned to teleport! Oh how will I ever find I GOT YOU NOW!"
Dinky screamed out as she was tugged from the branches, but her voice quickly devolved into laughter as Derpy skittereed her hooves across her belly. "Hahahastophahahamommy! Hahahahaha!"
"Oh, never! I'll never stop. MWAHAHAHAHA!"
Desperate to find some leverage, the unicorn grabbed at her mother's saddlebags. Letters spilled out across the ground as she managed to get out from her grip. "Haha! Now I have defeated you!"
"What? How can this be?"
"You are a mailmare and you MUST! DELIVER! MAAAAAAAAIL!"
The pegasus swooned dramatically. "NOOOOOOOOOO! My one weakness!" She began to gather the letters up, organizing them by intended recipient. As always, there were a number for Carrot Top, and a few for her...
...and one for Dinky?
...from Pinkie Pie?
Derpy gave her daughter a look. The unicorn, realizing she'd been caught, rubbed the back of her head. "Um, Pinkie said she was opening a new business that was specifically meant to make ponies happy and, well, I kinda might have noticed you weren't happy anymore and I asked Carrot Top to help me pay Pinkie and, um.... am I in trouble?"
The two of them stared at each other.
And then Derpy wrapped her hooves around Dinky and pulled her close. She really, really needed her muffin.