Rainbow Dash just couldn't believe it! She knew she was the cinephile of the bunch but who had never heard about such a great classic as "It's A Wonderful Life", the best Christmas movie ever made? She personally watched it on every Christmas since the age of eleven, with a pot of ice cream and a bottle of fizzy apple cider, but even without that, around that time of the year, there was at least one channel on television to air it.
And yet, Soarin had never seen it before! He didn't even know what the story was about. This was an unforgiveable mistake in her opinion, a mistake which had to be repaired, without further delay. In no time at all, she turned on his DVD player and started the movie, whether he liked it or not.
It wasn't the first time that, in the course of a conversation, Rainbow Dash discovered that her boyfriend had never seen a movie that she considered as important, of course, but this one was special. This one was her favorite cottony cloud for the darkest days of storm. Each time she felt discouraged or thought she would never be able to face an ordeal, she thought about this movie and found the strength to go on again. It was some kind of substitute for her mother...
Like always, she couldn't help saying Soarin that he was watching a great classic, if not THE great classic, that he was lucky to have her in his life, or else he would never have the chance to see so many masterpieces and would have missed out on something highly important.
Maybe it could seem over the top. Yet it was what she truly thought. These movies were more than just movies for her, they were a contribution, a help to go through life in a smoother way. They had the power to soothe a heart of all its troubles. And she was more than happy when, at the end of the improvised screening, he was telling her he had liked it and that the moral was inspiring.
And the moral here was inspiring, for sure. It showed that if you were good to people, if you were able to stay true to yourself, no matter what trial life might bring your way, you will get through it with your head high, and that goodness was always rewarded, in a way or another.
"In the beginning, I wondered how could this be one of your favorite movie of all time", Soarin told her as they were preparing his bed "It was full of good intentions, not fast-paced nor mysterious, and a little mystical... But now I know why you like it so much".
"Oh yeah. Why, then?"
"Because deep down, you're a real humanist. You love people, and you love to be helpful to people."
"Pft. Not at all. It's because the main character reminds me of Mommy."
It was true, partly. But inside her heart, she knew Soarin was telling the truth as well. She really enjoyed the sensation of satisfaction when she was able to help someone else going through hardships. She liked to think that, in her own way, she had been able to do something good for the world.
She also knew that Soarin knew and was elegant enough not to point out that, once again, she was letting her ego talk for her.
Once dressed in their pajamas, and the light turned off, they slipped their both bodies between the sheets and immediately "spooned" each other, Soarin wrapping his arms softly around her waist, and falling asleep with the scent of her shampoo in his nose.
Usually, she did some yoga or breathing exercices before going to bed, and if she couldn't and felt the night would be bad, she swallowed a sleeping pill with a glass of water. These were unnecessary measures when she was with Soarin. He was her private sleeping pill, more effective than any type of drug. Her garantee to make sweet dreams. Most of the time.
**********************
An aggressive white light burnt her retina. Seeing through it wasn't easy and Rainbow Dash had to squint her eyes to catch the glimpse of a human shape above her. Somebody was watching her, but she wasn't afraid. Somehow she could feel this hovering presence wasn't threatening.
Where was she? She could feel the cold of a tile floor under her. Some kind of liquid was pouring out of her shoulder, slowly... Something behind her head as well. A little thick and slimy. This, was scary, though.
She started to breath in, breath out, the way she had learned with Rarity at the yoga. But had she really learned that? It felt as if it was fading away from her memory, like a star falling down the sky.
"Don't be afraid, my Dashie... It's only a bad moment to go through."
She squinted her eyes even more, in an effort which seemed incredible for her motionless body. The shape got a bit clearer. Purple eyes and blue hair... Could it really be?
"Mommy?"
"No! It's Queen Novo! Who else would you like it to be, Dashie, come on?!"
It was weird. Maybe. But as weird as it was, from the moment Rainbow Dash recognized the voice, she no longer feared anything. Whatever might be happening to her could only be a good thing. She was with her mother. She was safe forever.
The shape finally appeared very clearly, right in front her hair. Her mother, with this mischievous smile and mischievous eyes. The same as hers. Always awesome looking, even dressed in white, like this. Like a guardian angel.
"It's true, I'm your guardian angel. I'm here to show you something... Don't worry, if you follow me, you could always go back where you were before, only if you want it bad enough. And I'll be honest, as much as I love to have you with me, I really wish you'll decide to go back."
Her smile turned into something else. Into this overflow of tenderness she was the only one able to see. The kind of smile Firefly only gave to the greatest love of her life. She, her own daughter, Rainbow Dash.
So, when the mother stretched out her hand, the only thing the daughter could do was to hold it and to follow her...
And immediately, her wounds ceased to hurt her. No more liquid pouring, no more dazzling white light. She was feeling weightless, like floating on thin air. Like flying. They left the place they were in, and magically landed somewhere else, in a place she knew very well, or supposedly knew very well.
But something was a bit different about it. Something Rainbow Dash just couldn't explain...
"It's Carousel Boutique", she said to her mother. "Then, why do I feel like I'm missing out on details?"
Firefly didn't answer her question, she only showed Rarity with her chin. The young woman was sewing in front of her television set, half-captivated and half-terrified by the images on the screen.
When Rainbow Dash took a closer look on the screen, she noticed that she knew the place where everything was going on and she knew what the topic of this report was. Miss Teen Equestria, the beauty pageant she took part to. A seasonal piece of the television news. But it wasn't exactly like the one her friend had showed her after the contest. The beauty pageant had been cancelled after a spotlight unhooked and fell on the head of Sweetie Drops, killing her on the instant. The culprit still was Berry Preppy mother, charged for murder.
What was this? She didn't understand...
Rainbow Dash turned to her mother, at a small distance behind her, horrified.
"It isn't what happened at all!"
"I know that, silly!"
"But..."
"Do you really think I'd bring you all the way to here just to show you things that actually has happened? You're smarter than that, Dashie."
She looked back at the TV report, petrified by what she saw. This meant Berry Preppy's life would take a complete different turn. This meant Rarity would never be discovered and financed by Hoity Toity. This meant Sweetie Drop was dead. Dead. This meant...
It struck her so suddenly she jolted, before looking in her mother's direction again.
"I've never been born..."
"Not exactly. You haven't survived."
Her suicide attempt. Of course, why hadn't she thought about it before? The tile floor was her bathroom's. The liquid was the blood from the wound she got from hitting the mirror when she tried to get up, and from falling back on the floor. This was why what she saw on this screen was so different from the reality that she had lived. From the reality that she thought she had lived, but had she really?
And what about her other friends?
She felt Firefly holding her hand, and as if she had read through her mind, transported her to another place, really familiar too. Canterlot High School. The corridors were empty, and the muffled sound of teachers' voices doing their class was the only sound that could be heard. Everything looked normal, shiny and warm, with banners for the upcoming Clubs Festival suspended from one wall to another, hanging over their heads.
They stopped in front of one precise wall, near the trophies and medals exhibition cabinet, on which was hanging three marble plates with a flower engraved along with names.
With her chin, Firefly pointed the plates, inviting Rainbow Dash to take a closer look at them. She obeyed, her feet moving almost despite herself... and thought her heart would stop beating as she saw the names engraved on these plates. Sunset Shimmer, Muffin and Octavia, with dates of birth and what seemed to be dates of death.
Her eyes filled with the reflections of cold dread, she turned to Firefly again, who nodded sadly at her.
"Yes, they committed suicide as well. Sunset Shimmer left a letter, saying she couldn't look at herself in the mirror anymore, that she hated herself, and the world be better off without her, so did Muffin, to explain the truth about what has happened to her and how her so-called friends used to take advantage of her and humiliated her. Octavia left nothing, and neither her mother nor her girlfriend knew what have happened to her. Vinyl no longer plays music."
"But I thought Muffin was bullied because of me..."
"Her friends have found someone else to worship, but that someone doesn't care about what they could be doing to Muffin. Without you and your bunch of friends to help them see the truth, they've never been able to understand why their behavior was wrong and deceitful."
Rainbow Dash took a step back, swallowing a lump in her throat, heavy like rain. Somewhere, she knew this wasn't reality, and only her mind, wandering, but the more she looked at the plates, the more she felt confused about what was the truth and what wasn't. What if the dream actually was everything she thought had happened until now, and now was her reality? If she stayed here any longer, maybe she would never be able to sort out the part of fantasy and the part of actual existence.
Yet, she couldn't convince herself she had seen enough already and wanted to go. Something she couldn't explained seemed to be pushing her behind her back, encouraging her to have more glimpses of these "what-ifs" alternate world.
She wanted to know where her friends were, the rest of the persons she knew and cared about.
School bell rang and soon, a flow of students wearing the various proposed uniforms of CHS flooded in the corridors. But, though the Clubs Festival was to happen on the next weekend, she found no eccentricities to encourage the others to go to one or another of the activities prepared by the Clubs and Sections.
Instead, she followed her mother, holding her hand as if it were her ultimate grip to realness, even though she knew her mother had passed on. They stopped in the middle of the corridor, where students started to clear the path for the arrival of someone, supposedly important. Rainbow Dash thought maybe it was for Principal Celestia, or Vice-Principal Luna... Instead, she saw Adagio, Aria and Sonata walking together in the same line, chins up and smirking. And everybody, absolutely everybody around avoided to look at them, scared as if this was some monster passing them by.
"They're the ones who rock the school", Firefly explained, her frown on her face. "I don't really like them. Except maybe the stupid one. She doesn't do it on purpose but she makes me laugh."
"But... My friends? Where are they? Pinkie, Twilight, AJ... Fluttershy?"
"Well..."
Firefly pressed her hands on Rainbow Dash's shoulder, and made her turn around. There appear Fluttershy, her hair hidden by a hygiene cap, with transparent gloves and a white working coat, holding a plastic bag of cutleries in her hands. She was walking with her eyes staring at the ground, as fast-paced as she could, her cheeks crimson.
Of course, since she wasn't looking in front of her, she bumped violently into one of the girls from the walking bunch, the one with the impossible curly hair like a puff of cream, and fell on her bottom, knocking down her cutleries.
"Now look where you're going, you s***!"
"Sorry, Adagio, sorry... I didn't mean to, I... I'm sorry. Don't hit me."
And the three girls laughed out loud, in front of everyone, silent and scared. Dumbfounded, Rainbow Dash witnessed how none a soul dared to move or to say anything to stop the bullying that was going to ensue. There was no one brave enough to front these three, not even Applejack or Pinkie Pie who, she knew, would never stand such a treatment of someone.
"What happened in here? Why isn't Fluttershy with the other students?"
"Very quickly after she arrived in Canterlot, the poor girl has been arrested for solliciting and prostitution. PTA took the decision to expel her from CHS and no other school have accepted her. So, out of desperation, her parents agreed she'd serve her punishment in community service. She helps the lunch ladies. And the cleaning ladies."
"Do you mean her future is... compromised?"
"Sadly, yes."
This couldn't be. This just couldn't be. Fluttershy, so demure and so fragile. Broken forever. Someone else, someone strong like Applejack, could have start again after such a disappointment but not her. Without the support of her friends, she was left to her own devices, and she would never open up to others again.
She wanted to scream, but not a sound escaped her lips.
"Our journey isn't over yet, Dashie. I can't let you go until you've seen it all and we don't have much time left. Come on!"
Firefly grabbed her hand again, and the corridors faded away gradually, while Rainbow Dash felt as if everything inside of her had frozen. The only scrap of warmth and bliss that was soothing her was this hand, this hand she held tight into hers. This hand she never wanted to let go again.
The next scenery they appeared in was a classroom, like any other classrooms of CHS. Well, maybe not, in fact. The place was a bit smaller yet the desks and chairs were of a better quality, with all the comfort needed to get optimal work. It suddenly struck her that this was in fact the Guiding Class' room. And if this was the Guiding Class' room, it meant they were going to have a glimpse at Twilight very soon.
But instead of Twilight, when the door opened, Rainbow Dash had the surprise to see Applejack stepping in, her arms full of books, with nerdy glasses on her face. She walked to the teacher's desk, put the books there and started to write a complicated formula on the black board...
"I don't understand. This is crazy. What the hell is AJ doing here?"
Firefly was standing behind Applejack, focused on her calculations, nodding her head at the same time, with that half-smile she always had when she was in front of someone who was good at something.
"It's rather clear in my opinion, Ms. Captain Obvious! She's studying!"
"In the Guiding Class' classroom?"
"Well, yeah... She had an accident, she bumped her head and her personality has changed completely. Her family tried everything, but never been able to make her go back to her old self. So, no more apples, and welcome to applications."
The pun made Firefly laugh, proud of herself, yet her daughter wasn't laughing at all. This was a disaster. And most importantly...
"Where's Twilight?"
Rainbow Dash was no fool. If Applejack's rodeo accident has happened anyway, and her best friend definitely turned into another nerdy genius, then it meant she was a direct competition to Twilight, and the young woman probably hadn't taken this very well. She remembered... She was devastated at the idea that Applejack could maybe top her and that all her hard work would have been learned for nothing.
Althought Twilight would still be the smartest one, of this Rainbow Dash was sure. After all, Twilight and Applejack were already friends when she had tried to kill herself on that cold November night (or was it in December? It felt as if her memory was getting more and more blurred by the minutes). This friendship, at least, couldn't be broken down because she had died on this night. Right?
She turned to her mother, with despair in her eyes, begging to have this little something to grab to, one certainty that wouldn't fail her.
But Firefly crossed her arms, sat on the desk and gave her the fatal blow.
"Twilight couldn't stand such a competition and asked to be transferred. She's at Crystal Prep, now, where she remains undefeated. But Crystal Prep's students are very competitive and they don't like when someone, especially coming from CHS, is better than they are. So, she doesn't have any friends..."
It hurt. It hurt immensely. Not Twilight and Applejack. They were her rocks, her anchors. They were the pillars of their friendship, those without who all this could have never be real.
But had it be real? Rainbow Dash couldn't tell. She no longer knew whether or not all this was the truth or a tricky illusion. An illusion that felt so palbable that when everything started to turn around her, she had to lean against a desk, fighting not to let fear taking over her.
Thankfully, the warm hand of her mother quickly touched her skin, and when she looked at her and saw her benevolent smile, this smile she gave her each time she was scared of monsters in her closet, she felt good again and the classroom vanished away in curls of puffy pink clouds.
Which reminded her of the last friend they hadn't seen yet... Pinkie Pie. No need of a lot of imagination to know what had happened to her without Rainbow Dash and the gang. She was probably still a member of her gang, The Rebellious. And had been kicked out of school.
"Yes, that's what happened," Firefly confessed her with sadness in her voice. "But when Middle Canterlot expelled her, her parents have been warned. She's living in Rock Farm again, where she's alone most of the time. It's a sad life for poor Pinkamena Diane Pie. Such a pity. She's so energic and funny, I'm sure I would have liked her a lot!"
This translated what Rainbow Dash had always thought. Firefly used to love positive persons. She was easily bored with some of her husband's friends, who she said had nothing but morose conversations, such as stock markets. She could talk for hours with the cleaning ladies or the gardeners, joking and laughing. One thing she used to teach Rainbow Dash was that she would have all the time in the world to be serious once she'd be dead (and scolded her with the same argument when she was sleeping until late).
Was Rock Farm too far for them to see it, the young woman didn't know, but right after this strange visit of a classroom, they landed into another room. An apartment, to be more precise. And not any apartment. Small yet cozy, it was a place she had spent some of the most pleasant time of her previous year.
But once again, the aparement was different than what she always had known. It was filled with carboard boxes...
Soon Soarin appeared in front of them, busy putting things into one of these cardboad boxes, opened on his small bed, which was deprived of sheets and blankets.
Rainbow Dash expected her mother to explain her right away, but instead, when she turned around, she saw Firefly who was staring at scale model planes.
"This is a cozy apartment! It reminds me of the place I used to live in... Except it was a bit wider. And dirtier... Look, Dashie! Don't you recognize those model planes? I think I'm the one who bought them for you and Soarin to build them. Oh, you really enjoyed building models, back then! It's so cute that he's kept them all like this. He's adorable."
"Mommy!"
Firefly turned around and a faint blush seemed to appear on her cheeks. Unless Rainbow Dash had dreamed them... Ghosts couldn't blush...
"Am I being too sappy now?"
"It's not that..."
"Oh, you want me to explain what he's doing! You're right. We don't have much time left..."
She took one last look at the models, then turned to Soarin, struggling with bubble wrap and a plate for microwavable plate.
"It has been very difficult for him to be here in Canterlot without his family, seeing everyday his ex-girlfriend with his own cousin... And the little girl he used to like so much has ended up her life, so... He's leaving, going back to Cloudsdale, in order to work in his father's garage."
"But... Planes... And his studies..."
Firefly shrugged, and sat on the bed beside the carboard box, taking a look inside of it.
"I can't read minds. All I can tell you are the facts. The rest never depended on me."
Helpless, Rainbow Dash looked at Soarin, struggling again, this time to close the box with the end of an adhesive tape roll.
Her throat was cold, and soon that cold went through her whole body. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream but nothing happened. Her only comfort was that she was with her mother now. It would be with bitter regrets that she would stand the vision of all the persons she loved, deeply shaken up because of her, living a life of pain, loneliness and desillusion, but at least she could do it with the smiles, the irony and the tenderness of Firefly. She had no idea how much she missed her, how she had longed to be on her laps again, just like when she was a child...
*Good morning, good morning...*
But suddenly, Rainbow Dash saw her mother looking at an inexistant watch on her sleeve and getting up, restless.
"We don't have much time left... You have to go back to your friends right now, Dashie, or it's going to be too late."
"But..."
"Shhh, no "but"! You belong with them. You belong with the living, not the deads. You can't give up on them. That would be gravely coward and I haven't taught you cowardice, have I?"
"No, Mommy. And I want to go back to them so what you showed me would never happen, but... I don't want to leave you. You'll be alone."
"How could I be alone?" she said, stroking her cheek with a maternal softness in her eyes. "I don't exist, honey..."
*Good morning, good morning, we've talked the whole night through*
On this words, Rainbow Dash's tears started to roll on her cheeks, yet her vision wasn't blurred and at the same time than her saddness, something up surfaced, something like a new kind of energy, a willing to stop surviving and to start living, to see her friends again, the ones she loved again, and to hold them close, thanking them for being here and being who they were.
A sweet melancholic smile went through Firefly's face, and she held her daughter's both hands again, as if communicating the last bits of warmth she was allowed to.
"You have to go back immediately. Don't worry, I'll always be with you. I'm a part of you. And I want you to know... I'm very proud of who you became. My Dashie, the love of my life..."
*Good morning, good morning, to you*
***************************
"Dashie... Don't tell me you forgot to turn off your phone's alarm clock again!" a grumpy and sleepy voice echoed through the mist of awakening.
She did. Just like on almost every weekends.
Rainbow Dash stretched out her hand and clicked on the middle button of her phone, then stared at the white ceiling, while Soarin was moving by her side, trying to hide his head under his blanket.
What had happened? Was it just a dream? It sounded like a dream and yet... She wasn't sure it had been nothing but a weird dream. It lacked the strangeness and the incoherence of a dream. And each time she had seen her mother in the unconsciousness of the night, it had been either a revival of her accident either a nightmare of dancing flames and screams of agony.
No, it couldn't be a dream. It was something else, she was sure. Like a mystical experience. Yet, she didn't believe in supernatural forces. Yet she knew it was another type of encounter...
Whatever it was, it didn't feel the way she was feeling now. A bit sad, yes, but that was not the dominant sensation. She felt like bouncing around, like singing and dancing... Like she was Pinkie!
When her eyes wandered upon the shape beside her, concealed under the blanket at the exception of midnight blue strands, she suddenly felt even more cheerful. Soarin was by her side. Whatever might happen to her in the future, he would be there to comfort her, hold her, amuse her... tolerating her and her movies, and her friendship problems... She was lucky to have him. Very lucky.
"I don't know whether I'll ever get used to hearing Debbie Reynolds' voice every morning," Soarin muttered from under his hidden place.
Had she been in her current state, she would never have done that. But she wasn't completely herself right now. So, she rolled on the side and wrapped her whole body around Soarin, lifting up the blankets, and sticking a long hard kiss against his cheek.
"You know what? You're stupid but I love you!"
And after this, she leaped off the bed, and bounced to the kitchen for her waking up glass of water.
"Come on, don't be lazy, Soarin! It's a wonderful day, can't you see? Let's go running! And I'll call the girls for an improvised breakfast at Sugarcube Corner."
She went happily to the bathroom, while Soarin reluctantly sat up on his bed, rubbing his eyes. Rainbow Dash calling him lazy was the height of irony. And seeing her so cheerful and almost dancing so early in the morning was rather unusual. Whatever had set her into such a good mood was wonderful though a little scary to watch.
And yet... A smile stretched out on Soarin's cheek. It was still better than seeing her depressed and a sign that the ordeal she had been through were in the past. A part of her past but not a paralyzing past. Something that had transformed her into the person she was now. Not that he didn't think she wasn't already perfect back when they were kids... But it hadn't changed her all for the bad. It had changed her also for the good.
And most importantly, it probably was all this that had led her on his way again. That had led her on the way of so many people, who were very glad Rainbow Dash had been on said way. Did she know how precious she was to them? Of this he couldn't tell. What he could tell was that she was here with them and they were happy she was.
Because she might be only one person, nothing much to the scale of the universe. Yet, sometimes, one person was all it took to change the destiny of many. One person could make the difference.