Blonde Moments

by FamousLastWords


A Call To Arms

I should’ve known better.

The verbally battered dragon was trying to focus on anything but Starlight’s laughter, but considering she was only a few feet in front of him, there was little he could do. He would just have to wait for it to end.

I should’ve seen this coming.

“So let me get this straight,” Starlight huffed between bouts of laughter. “You take her to your old home, then put a flower in her mane?”

Will I ever learn?

“Yes, that is correct.”

“And you capped it with saying ‘let’s make a memory’?”

“You heard my words!”

Starlight shook her head, making sure to wipe away a few tears in the process. “Spike, I gotta give you points for capitalizing on the moment, but still. What cheesy romance novel did you pick that up from?”

“Oh, you know, one of your personal favorites,” Spike stated with a snicker. “‘The Young and the Trotless’ I believe it was called.”

Starlight blushed. “How do you know about that?”

Spike wasn’t one for throwing anypony under the bus, but he and the guilty party didn’t necessarily share any kind of special bond. “Trixie told me. Lucky for you, I know how to keep my mouth shut, unlike her.”

Lulamoon,” Starlight uttered through a sneer.

“Anywho, are you done with your nonsense, or do I need to grab some coffee and a comic book?”

Starlight inhaled deeply, stifling the rest of the laughs threatening to leave her throat. “Okay, I’m done. So, what happened next?”

Spike nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, about that. That’s what I’m gonna need your help with.”

“Oh, boy, here you go. You didn’t try to make a move on her, did you? Because if you’re gonna ask me to go to her house and convince her that you’re not a sexual heathen, you can count me ou—”

“No, no, no,” Spike said, waving his claws. “Despite my track record, I’m not that inexperienced.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

Spike folded his arms and drummed his claws. “There’ll be time for snark and banter later. But, to answer your question, I invited her over for dinner tonight. So, you know…”

“You invited her over for dinner? That’s… that’s actually impressive.” Starlight nudged him with a hoof. “Good on you, Spike. There may be hope for you, yet.”

Spike beamed ear to ear. “Thanks! Now, as to what you should make for dinner. I was thinking your special soup.”

“Oh, curses!” Starlight yelled out, stomping her hoof. “I actually have to cook now.”

“What do you mean?” Spike asked. “It was your turn to cook, anyway!”

“Spike, you know as well as I do that I was planning on forgetting making dinner tonight so Twilight would order pizza. You know how I work, c’mon.”

“That just may be, Starlight, but this is no time for pizza. This is time for action! The meal has to be perfect. Or, you know, as close as somepony like you can get.” Spike chuckled. “I’ll make sure to keep my expectations reasonable.”

An eye roll was all it took to tell Spike not to push his luck.

“Alright, in honor of the friend code, I’ll have your back.” Starlight began pacing back and forth. “What do you think we should have? I don’t really have time to make my soup tonight. That’s more of an all-day endeavor.  Hayburgers sound good?"

"Eh, we’ve already had those on the first date. Not a good moment.  Besides, maybe Derpy wants something fancier?"

"Okay, how about tacos? Everyone loves tacos, right? Considering you can't stop thinking and talking about her, you should probably go with a more safe choice for dinner, anyway."

Spike shrugged. "Maybe. Tacos are pretty great. Gah, I normally don’t have to think this hard about food. I don't know why I can't stop thinking about her. It's like I can't resist her."

"Red beans and rice?"

"I miss her."

“Spike!”

Spike blinked a few times, snapping himself out of his infatuation induced trance. “Sorry, Starlight. You know what? Let’s do tacos.”

Starlight smiled. “Good choice. Tacos are yummy and easy to make. As far as I’m concerned, we both win. Not to mention, if everything blows up in your face and she runs out crying again, you’ll have tacos to help ease the sadness and heartache.”

“Har har har, very funny.” Spike turned to look at the clock. “Well, we’ve got three hours to get everything ready before she gets here. You think you can get the food ready and table set by then?”

“I suppose,” she replied. “And what exactly are you gonna do?”

“Umm, I was thinking about taking a shower. And probably reading a comic book. You know, the usual way I spend my afternoons. Is that okay?”

“I thought as much. You think you might wanna pick up a bit around here? It’s not exactly date ready.”

Spike waved around at the room. “Pfft, nah fam, It looks great!”

Starlight’s eyes darted between several obvious messes in the vicinity. “So, that stack of comic books on the table and trail of hayfries leading up the stairs are A-OK in your book?”

“Okay, you might have a point. I’ll get to that, too.’

“Geez,” Starlight said. “You better hope things don’t escalate too much. I’d hate to see her reaction to what your room might look like.”

Spike and Starlight shared a laugh before departing to complete their tasks. With any amount of luck, this would be a great dinner, and hopefully a great first impression of his home for Derpy.


The next two hours went by in a breeze. Between picking up every fry lodged in the carpet, every stray comic book and just in case, tidying up his room, Spike’s afternoon was full. And, if there was anything good about Twilight’s scheduling that had rubbed off on him, it’d be the fact that he was still able to leave himself enough time for personal TLC, which he took full advantage of.

Spike was standing in the bathroom, looking himself up and down in the ovoid mirror above the sink. He was close to being tall enough that he didn't have to use the stool anymore, but he was just shy. He could still feel a tad bit of shame rumble in his chest every time he had to step up the small ladder.

But there was no time for shame. Not tonight.

Spike eyed himself up and down beneath the bright lights. Scales polished, fangs brushed, head frills brushed to achieve the perfect curve to bounce ratio. He wasn’t half bad looking.

His eyes traveled a bit farther south to his belly, which was protruding ever so slightly. He probably could’ve used a stop at the gym. But no use in breaking the nineteen-year streak he had going just for some date. He was consistent, if nothing else.

“Alright, Spike, it’s almost time.” He gave himself a few devilish looks in the mirror before feeling satisfied. “One last stop before dinner.”

Spike hopped off the stool and calmly strode down the hall until the familiar site of Twilight’s door was within his sight. It was common knowledge that Twilight wanted to be aware of any and all guests within her castle home.Spike thought this was fair, since he’s read up about assassination attempts of Princesses in the past, and he knew that Twilight has read them too, a bit too much for his liking. However, this particular guest and the particular circumstances surrounding their visit was a reason to give Spike pause.

The dragon shuddered as he remembered the last time he had a mare over with Twilight present. Luckily, his past experiences with what he called the Twilight Factor have taught him well and this time, he was going in prepared.

Spike gave a few raps on the door. “Yo, Twilight, you in there? I need to talk to you. It’s kinda important.”

His ears picked up a bit of shuffling from the other side. “Uh, yeah, c’mon in Spike!”

She seemed to be in a pretty good mood. That was as good of a start as any.

He opened the door and took in the usual site of Twilight’s room:scattered papers across the wooden floor, piles of books stacked in inappropriate places and a purple alicorn with her nose shoved in a book at the center of the madness. Yep, everything seemed to be in order.

“So, Twilight, about dinner tonight…” Spike said as cool as he could, taking care not to step on anything that could be a priceless legal document.

Twilight looked up from her book. “Let me guess: Starlight forgot to make dinner and you need me to order pizza. Pineapple for her, extra cheese for you. The usual.”

“Ha, not this time,” Spike said with a smug grin. “I’ll have you know that we actually managed to be responsible for once. Dinner will be ready within the hour and I managed to clean the living and dining rooms. How about them apples?”

Twilight’s eyes grew wide. Forget about saucers, these were full-fledged dinner plates. “Are you serious?’

Spike nodded. “You bet.” This couldn’t be going any better as far as he was concerned.

“Wow, I’m so proud of you tw— Hold on.” Twilight took a few sniffs of the air before walking over to Spike. “If I’m not mistaken, which I rarely am, would that be the smell of Lust and Luxury… for him?”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Spike’s confident smile was immediately replaced by a nervous one as Twilight's face grew serious. She was on to him.

“Hmm, I thought as much. And what’s that? A fresh scale polish?” Twilight tightly gripped Spike’s muzzle with her magic, opening his mouth. “And not only did you brush your teeth, you flossed as well.”

Spike snapped his mouth shut. “What? Can’t a dragon look nice for dinner?”

“Sure he can. But not you. Normally, we’re lucky if you don’t show up in pajamas. So, that can only mean... “ Twilight shot him a look that could send Sombra himself running for cover. “Who is it?”

The dragon let out a huff. “How do you always figure these things out? Not that it needs any more clarification, but yes, there is a mare coming over for dinner. And that mare would happen to be Derpy.”

“I see.” Twilight immediately traversed over to her bookshelf and pulled out the dreaded folder. The whole reason Spike came here in the first place. “Well, I certainly don’t have a problem with this.”

“Twilight put the interview folder away. We can talk about this like civilized adults. No need for extremities here.”

“Extreme times call for extreme measures, Spike. And having a mare over for dinner that I don’t know certainly qualifies as an extreme time.”

Spike frowned. “Twilight, no. Please. Remember what happened with Flitter? You interrogated her five minutes after she walked through the door and nopony has seen her since.”

“Spike,” Twilight said. “Excuse me for trying to be cautious with strangers in my home. Besides, I spent an hour or so last month making it more concise, so it’s not nearly as threatening.”

“That’s not the point, Twi,” Spike said, his voice growing more firm by the second. “I just want to have a nice dinner tonight. No interrogations, no entrance exam, no dirty looks from across the table. I think I really like her and I’m pretty sure you will too if you give her a chance.”

The mare looked back and forth between her folder and Spike. After a brief moment, she finally reconciled and placed the torturous piece of paper back on the shelf. “Alright, you win. But, the moment I think she’s up to no good, I reserve the right to banish her from the castle.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Fine.” It wasn’t perfect, but it was a step in the right direction.

“Excellent,” Twilight said, her demeanor flipping back to one of pure chipperness. “Now, just give me one second to draw up a contract…”

“I’ll see you at dinner, Twi,” Spike said before dashing out the door.

He couldn’t help but dance his way down the halls. Twilight loved him, no doubts, but her overprotectiveness caused more than a few problems over the years. However, she was nothing if not loyal to her word, so with the Twilight problem taken care of, it should be smooth sailing.

Spike eventually found his way to the kitchen where Starlight was putting the finishing touches on their dinner. A large tray loaded with empty taco shells had just been pulled out of the oven, along with several trays of various vegetables. Bell peppers and all other sorts of goodies. The fresh steam wafted off the food, filling Spike’s nostrils. A few stray strands of drool dripped down his chin.

“You know, Starlight,” he said. “For your inherent distaste for cooking, you’re actually really good at it.”

“Thank you, I suppose.” She popped the oven mitt off her horn and turned to face him. “Must everything you say be passive-aggressive?”

“Yeah. But hey, compliments are few and far between these days. You gotta take what you can get.”

“Fair enough. Now, as for dinner, let me show you what I did.” Starlight beckoned Spike over to show him her creation. “I’ve got all the empty shells here, steamed to a perfect three hundred degrees. As for the vegetables, I’ve got one tray of mixed squash and bell pepper, a more mild flavor. And just in case she likes spicy food as much as me and you, I’ve got a full tray of roasted red pepper, cayenne chili powder and a few sliced ghost peppers for extra kick.”

“Starlight,” Spike said. “You are literally the best, sometimes. This is perfect.”

“Hmph, I know. Now, for added measure, I made sure to outfit the dining table with extra spoons, forks and a bottle of hot sauce.  I also threw a bowl of shredded cheese, just in case that’s her bag.”

Spike glanced over at the table. Sure enough, everything was set up perfectly. “Starlight, I’m about to say something and I swear if you ever repeat it, I’ll deny it and take it to my grave. But…” Spike steeled himself before wrapping her up in a hug. “I love you, girl.”

She wrapped a hoof around him. “Of course. Love you too, Spike. Look, I want this to be successful as much as you do. I mean, if you never get a marefriend, how’re you ever gonna get out of the castle and let me get some peace?”

Spike smiled and shared a quick hoof bump. “Of course. Gotta leave the nest sometime, right?”

“Definitely. Now, onto one last point of all this. After the Flitter incident, I realized we’d need a backup plan just in case Twilight busts out the interrogation log again. I figure if we go overboard with making dinner awesome, it’ll hopefully keep her around a bit longer than five minutes.”

Spike chuckled as a cocky smile curled on his lips. “Already taken care of. Let’s just say I had a little talk with Twilight and we shouldn’t have any problems. She tried, don’t get me wrong, but experience has taught me well.”

“We can only hope,” Starlight stated. “So, you know what that means?’

“What’s that?”

“It’s all up to you, now. Dinner will be great, the rooms are clean, Twilight will hopefully shut up for the majority of the night… so you just gotta do your part and make sure she wants to see you again.”

Spike sighed deeply. “I understand. Easier said than done, I imagine.”

“Not really,” Starlight said. “This is gonna’  sound cliche as all get out, but just be yourself, alright?”

“You know, I’d have more confidence in that statement if being myself hadn’t let to immeasurable sadness and romantic failure up until now.”

“Spike, get real. Obviously, you’ve been doing something right if she’s even coming over here. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing, don’t try too hard and at the end of the day, just think about like your having dinner with a friend. No need to go overboard, just keep things simple. Go with the flow, you know?”

“I think I get it.” Spike nodded and smiled. “Go with the flow. ...I think I can do that.”

The two were about to continue their banter but were interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Hold on,” Spike said, flipping around to face the clock. “She’s fifteen minutes early! I’m not prepared for this! Five minutes, sure. Ten minutes, maybe. But fifteen! What do I do?’

Starlight’s eyes followed the panicked dragon as he dashed in circles before putting a hoof to her face. “Hey, genius. I’m no scientist, but answering the door might be a good start. I’ll go get Twilight.”

“Answer the door, right. I can do that!”

Starlight gave a curt nod before disappearing up the stairs.

Spike steeled himself and cleared his throat as he approached the door. “Alright, Spike. It’s go time.”