//------------------------------//
// Another Half 
// Story: Snack Cake Confessions 
// by NightCoreMoon 
//------------------------------//

/x/x/x/

Twilight and Pinkie stayed huddled together on the floor for a while. It could have been for a few minutes or a few hours for all either of the pair knew. But eventually, Pinkie was no longer crying, and merely enjoying the warmth and closeness to one of her best friends.

“Feeling better?” Twilight asked.

“...mmhmm...” Pinkie muttered, nuzzling her head deeper into Twilight’s shoulder. “A little.”

“Okay, that's good,” she replied. “So let's get up off this floor. We’ll eat something,” she continued, rising, holding her hand out for Pinkie to grab and pull herself up after. “Then we can watch a movie or something, then go to sleep. It's been a long day.”

“Alright...”

The next few minutes passed by relatively uneventfully. Pinkie began cooking macaroni and cheese while Twilight began putting together a salad. The negative mood was completely forgotten as the girls simply enjoyed each other’s company for a time.

Pinkie was for the most part back to her normal self. Twilight could tell she was still feeling a little emotional; she wasn’t laughing quite as heartily (though to be fair, her smile was typically bigger than everyone else’s at any given moment), but she was at least somewhat happy again. It just wasn't right when Pinkie was anything but jovial, and it turned Twilight’s stomach to know that she, however indirectly, was the root cause of her friend’s sadness.

No. Now was not the time for that.

She couldn't help her past. She couldn't help what happened. She couldn't go back and change the course of history, but she could move forward and heal. Pinkie just needed to be made aware of the same thing.

“Do you want to watch anything in particular?” She asked.

“Nah,” came the response. “Just as long as it's not a documentary.”

“I'm gonna fix that one day!” Twilight defensively cried. “I’ll find one that you would like and when I do we are going to watch it.”

“Yeah, okay,” Pinkie dismissed with a grin. “But until then I’ll stick to movies that aren't boring.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes at Pinkie before turning back to the food. “They're not boring...” she grumbled.

“We could watch one of those cartoons like we did last time.”

“That was not a cartoon, it was an animated film!”

Pinkie crept up immediately behind Twilight and whispered in her ear, “If it’s flat and hand drawn then it's a cartoon.”

After relaxing from the brief fright, Twilight turned back around to face her friend and adjusted her glasses. “Technically, yes, it's the same thing,” she ceded with a smile, “But it differs in the style and theme, and comes from another culture. It's like how apples and oranges are both fruits, but different kinds.”

Pinkie shrugged. “Okay but I'm still calling it a cartoon.”

Twilight pinched the bridge of her nose, snickering. “What am I gonna do with you?”

A loud hissing from the stove brought the girls attention to the macaroni as Pinkie sprinted over to stir the froth down. Twilight frowned a bit. Typically in their conversations, the path would follow the rise and fall before making a full circle, then Pinkie would hug her. Recently, however, it seemed like that was falling off.

Twilight was good at offering comfort when it was needed. If Rarity was stressed about her job, she was able to massage the kinks out of her back and shoulders. If Applejack had a few too many, she was able to hold her hair and rub her back. If Sunset was feeling homesick, if Rainbow was on the comedown from facing down the homophobic assholes she runs into, if Fluttershy was on the edge of an anxiety attack, she was always able to give them whatever they needed.

And yet when she herself needed something, when Twilight was stressed or anxious or feeling worthless and unlikable, she had trouble letting her friends know. It was irrational but what if they were crept out? What if they thought she was asking for something other than what she needed?

They all knew that she was a lesbian, and they accepted and respected that, and half of them were sapphic themselves, but the doubt still persisted. Thought not as severe as it used to be in her younger years, it was still present. What if they thought she was just making up a situation and using that so she could cuddle up with them?

Not that that was even what she needed (though it would be welcomed in any circumstance). In some cases all she would need was a hand to hold, or a nuzzle or platonic kiss, or even just a hug. Through her youth, her family wasn't very affectionate. She couldn't remember the last time she so much as hugged either of her parents, or her brother...

It wasn't really until Cadance had come around and been a part of her life that she could really experience human touch. As her babysitter, as her guidance counselor and subsequently her dean, and most recently as her sister in law, Cadey was always a physical person. Everybody always said that the period in Twilight’s life she was happiest was that point, and it coincided with being able to express and receive affection with the older girl.

Now that she was away from Crystal Prep, and she didn't see Cadance as often, she had lost out considerably on that aspect of her life. All of her depression, anxiety, insomnia, and just general sense of irritability had gotten to about as bad as her emotions before she’d started taking hormone supplements. She attributed that to helping start the spiral that lead to The Incident.

And sure, she wasn't completely touch starved. She hugged her friends often. The problem was that it wasn't as frequent as she wanted it to be, and for a time the prospect of touching a certain someone filled her with dread, guilt, shame. And that lead to the next aspect of her problem. She noticed that her friends were a lot more comfortable with each other than they ever would be with her, and that was just a fact.

Applejack and Rainbow and Fluttershy and Sunset and Rarity, and all of their own connections. The entirety of the apple clan. Fleetfoot and Spitfire. Tree Hugger. Starlight Glimmer. Coco Pommel. They all seemed to be physically inseparable at times, and every single time, Twilight noticed. She wanted to join in but it never seemed like the right time, and asking permission seemed like it would achieve the opposite effect than desired. That was weird.

Nobody ever asked permission, they just did it.

Twilight had always envied her friends on being able to just reach out, to brush the others’ arm to get their attention, to touch their hand for just a fleeting moment before letting go to do something else. It always seemed like nothing to everybody else but sometimes it felt like everything to her.

The first time Rainbow set a hand on her shoulder sent her pulse into overdrive. Her hand was warm and comforting and inviting but it was such an alien and foreign feeling that she had immediately shied away, snapping her shoulder back and startling the athlete. They hadn't made physical contact again at all until they'd briefly dated, and that had began and ended... awkwardly, to say the least. Granted that wasn't either of their fault, but still.

Similar things happened with her other friends. Fluttershy and Applejack were very sparing with their physical interactions, but that was just due to their personalities. Rarity was of course a lot more open, with hugs and the occasional kiss on the cheek or forehead. Sunset was for a time until, well, the whole drama went down about her... photographs. She was warming back up though. And Pinkie Pie pretty much always had her arms around someone, and that someone was sometimes Twilight.

Until recently, however. Now it was few and far between, and when it came to Twilight, it was always preceded by requesting permission. It felt weird. Why did she only do that with her? Was it because Pinkie was worried about making her uncomfortable? Or was it specifically to do with what had happened with Midnight? So many variables, so many questions... and it would have been weird to bring up.

It was only now that the full gravity of what had gone down with the pair earlier in the day set in. Pinkie seemed like she really needed a shoulder to cry on, but only after she made sure Twilight was okay, which seemed to be very uncomfortable to her. It seemed like she was only doing so out of obligation.

Maybe... maybe Pinkie just didn't like the idea of touching her anymore?

It would certainly make sense. Was that it then? Was guilt her only motivator for interacting with her anymore? Was it fear of what would happen if she just cut Twilight out completely? The last time that somebody had cut her out, she ended up slicing her arm open and woke up in the hospital. That wasn't fun, and it certainly wasn't a pleasant sight to see.

But that didn't make sense. Right? Why would she want to go shopping with her, just the two of them, if she didn't want to be around her? No, this was just the bad thoughts again, building up because the meds hadn't kicked in yet because she didn't eat yet. If Pinkie didn't want to be around her then she wouldn't go out of her way to throw as many parties for her as she did, or all of the individual nice things she frequently did.

But the problem was that that was the only real option that made sense. There were too many external factors involved to really settle on anything else without a lot of guesses being made, however educated. Occam’s Razor. This was an interpersonal issue so the falsification fallacy didn't apply here, right? Or was it sociological and therefore it did? Or was she overthinking this and it was all coincidental?

“Twi Twi?” She heard, snapping out of her reverie. Pinkie had two bowls full of cheesy pasta in her hands and she was looking at her friend, head cocked to the side. “You okay? You've had that ‘I'm thinking about something really hard’ look on your eyes for a minute or two now.”

Yes. She was most definitely overthinking it. Pinkie was her friend and cared and genuinely wanted to be around her. The absence of a few hugs didn't change that, even if she missed that. She just had to suck it up and get over it.

“Sorry, I just zoned out,” Twilight lied. “Go ahead and pick out whatever you wanna watch, I’ll be in there in a minute with the salads. You want your thousand island like always?”

“...okie dokie loki...” she responded, clearly not convinced but willing to drop it if it wasn't something that she wanted to talk about, before heading into the living room.

Twilight turned to look at the salad, seeing Pinkie set up TV trays and blankets out of the corner of her eye. Now wasn't the time to worry about her own issues. Pinkie was worried about being a bad friend over there, and she’s concerned about Pinkie not wanting to be around her anymore? Stupid. And very selfish.

“Quiet...” she muttered, picking up a crouton and popping it in her mouth. “Tonight will be a good night.”

And so it was.

After preparing the salads in two bowls, dressing in one and vinaigrette in the other, and munching on a couple of lactose enzyme pills, Twilight went into the living room and ate dinner and watched a movie- a mutual favorite from their childhoods- and had a good time with her friend. The food did wonders for Twilight’s mood as her medicine finally activated, and Pinkie seemed to be completely over her prior upset.

As the credits rolled, Pinkie began gathering the dishes.

“You don't have to do that,” Twilight said, picking up the rest. “I'm hosting tonight, you're hosting tomorrow.”

“I can help though, silly,” Pinkie responded as she plucked the bowls from Twilight’s grasp. “After earlier I gotta help out a little extra, you know?” And with a wink she turned and headed back into the kitchen.

Twilight knit her brows in concern. What did she mean by that? She shook her head and started folding up blankets and draping them back over the couch. Pinkie was upset so she comforted her. Surely she didn't think that that was a problem or anything, right?

Following her friend into the kitchen Twilight abandoned the train of thought as unimportant. So what if she did? It was her own business and it was over now. She’d offer what help she could, but not if it wasn't welcome. That's how she’d treat herself in the situation as she'd dealt with irrational guilt for a long time. Instead she stepped in and began putting leftovers away.

Pinkie yawned. “I don't know about you, but I’m ready for bed.”

“Me too,” Twilight replied. “You know where the bathroom is, right?”

“Yup.”

“Well you can go get dressed and everything now, I’ll finish cleaning everything up and then I’ll set up sleeping arrangements. Where are you wanting to stay?”

“Whatever side you don't want, I guess,” she said with a shrug before turning and heading for the stairs. “I'm not picky.”

“...huh?” Twilight asked herself. What did she mean? Twilight hated when people were overly cryptic. Least of all Pinkie, who was often off the wall and random anyway. This just made it a little more confusing.

Whatever, she’d clear up the confusion in just a minute. She finished putting the pasta and salad in individual containers and into the refrigerator before filling the pot with water to soak overnight. Satisfied that everything was properly put away, she turned to head upstairs.

Once at the top she noted the bathroom door was shut, and opened her own bedroom only to find that Pinkie was-

“You know, you could knock,” she joked before pulling on her pajama shirt emblazoned with ‘Megadeth’. The apparent typo would have made Twilight cringe if she wasn't looking everywhere except for her friend.

‘Two times!’ Twilight mentally screamed in embarrassment.

“Sorry!” she cried, red-faced. “I thought you were in the bathroom!”

“It's fine,” Pinkie placated as she turned and grabbed a pair of shorts. “This isn't the first time you've accidentally seen me topless, you know?”

“Still,” she said apologetically. “I just... didn't expect you to be changing in here.”

“I know. It's a easy enough assumption to make. I'll finish changing in the bathroom, okay?”
Twilight nodded.

“And don't worry, I’ll knock before I open your door again, haha!” And with that Pinkie slid past and into the bathroom.

It was only after she was already gone that Twilight remembered what it was she had meant to ask. With a heavy sigh, she closed the bedroom door behind her as she strode to her dresser. Rifling absentmindedly, she took hold of a tank top and a pair of gym shorts before turning to her bed.

In just a few moments she had exchanged the tops and bottoms, and stood wearing her pajamas. The day’s clothes found themselves sailing through the air and landing in the laundry basket as Pinkie knocked twice on the door. Twilight opened it.

“Mind if I drop these in the hamper?” Pinkie asked, doing it before actually obtaining permission: the answer would have been yes regardless. Her shorts, unlike Twilight’s which ended just above the knee, were halfway down her thighs, and their blue matched the artwork on her shirt.

“Go ahead,” Twilight replied. “I can run them through the washing machine and they’ll just be here for the future.”

“Coolio!” she replied, before stepping past Twilight to sit down at the foot of the bed. “So yeah, what side are you wanting?”

“Uhhh...” it was right on the verge of coming together. “You mean, of the bed?”

“Yeah, silly,” Pinkie said with just a hint of sarcasm. “What did you think I meant, what side of the house?”

OH. Sharing the bed. Is what Pinkie was talking about. Tonight. For the sleepover. Because that's what young women did. And didn't have a problem with. Right.

“Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle sleep in the same bed,” Rarity explained. “We don't have enough rooms in the house for Scootaloo to have their own bedroom but the two are very close and don't particularly care sleeping together.” She shrugged. “Fluttershy and I are the same way. So are Rainbow Dash and Applejack. It's nothing weird or perverse or anything like that. That's just how they've been for as long as Scootaloo has lived with us.”

Twilight nodded, starting to understand the situation. “I know that it's normal for a lot of girls to sleep together even in a state of undress but for purely platonic purposes,” she felt her cheeks color. “I just don't think that I could do that myself, considering...”

Rarity placed a comforting hand on Twilight’s shoulder. “It's a personal choice, darling, and nobody expects you to do or not do anything that you aren't comfortable with.”

“I know,” she said, nodding and giving a half smile. “And I appreciate that.”

“Twi Twi?” Pinkie asked, snapping Twilight out of her flashback. “You okay?”

“Y-yeah,” she lied, still dwelling on the talk with Rarity she’d had a few months ago. “I'm fine.” There were significantly more pressing matters to deal with at the time, but now the other details were biting her in the ass. “Um...”

After a few moments with no follow-up, Pinkie raised an eyebrow and cocked her head to the side. “Your mouth says you're fine but your everything else says that you're thinking about something.”

Twilight bit her lip. Should she make a big deal about this? They were just going to sleep in the same bed. It was a fairly large bed, too; queen size. And considering recent events, Pinkie would probably be sticking pretty far over on her own side. 

But still...

There was one pretty big reason why that maybe wasn't the best idea. What if they accidentally made contact while asleep and woke up to a very big surprise that would be pretty hard to explain? Worse still was that Pinkie’s clothes were very form fitting, especially her shirt with very open sleeves making her lack of bra very evident. No, the potential for arousal and resulting subsequent awkwardness was entirely too high.

“Actually,” Twilight began, unsure of what words to use. She had to word this very carefully so as not to alienate, offend, or confuse Pinkie. “I don't want this to be weird.”

The girl cocked her head to the other side now. “Weird how?”

Twilight wrung her hands together. “Well, I mean... with me.”

“I... don't follow.”

Ugh. “Because I’m gay. Remember?”

Pinkie shrugged. “I like girls too, Twi Twi. It doesn't make me feel weird. I trust you, you know? It's not like you're a guy or anything. Plus we’re just going to...” whatever remaining words in the sentence were swallowed by snickering.

Twilight’s slight grimace faded into confusion.

“Sorry,” Pinkie said after the laughter abated. “This just reminds me of something with Dashie. I was freaked out because she suggested we shower together, and she was just thinking about saving water, but I was thinking about the same thing that you're thinking about right now. That's the first time I came out to anybody. But she was fine with that, and this is just going to sleep. So it's really fine!”

Twilight’s mouth was agape. Rainbow and Pinkie showered together? Granted it wasn't that weird, and it made sense. Rainbow had bathed with Twilight before. Granted, they were in swimwear at the time, and it was necessary because her own hair was full of milkshake, but still. It had come up then that Rainbow had no qualms with social nudity, especially considering she showered in front of members of a different sports team every single day for most of her life.

“I mean, she and I did have sex in the shower, but that's not gonna happen tonight!”

Twilight facepalmed. That also made sense. And it made her eye twitch slightly because according to the timeline, that had happened before she (rather than her magic horse wizard counterpart) had met them all. Oh well, not important, and definitely not something to think about, especially now.

“But are you uncomfortable with sleeping next to me?” Pinkie asked.

“No, not at all!” Twilight indicated. “That's not it, I just...” she sighed. “I'm only uncomfortable with the potential possibility of making you feel uncomfortable by me because I might make things weird without meaning to.”

“How do you mean?”

“Just with, like...” the right words didn't come.

“I don't understand what you're concerned about, really,” Pinkie interjected after enough time had passed that the silence felt awkward. “You're a lot prettier than me, Twilight. If anything, I'm the one who should be worried.”

“...What?”

Pinkie rubbed the back of her neck with one hand as the other gripped the bed frame, refusing eye contact. “I’ve noticed a few things about you. You get really tense whenever any of us touches you most times. You get a look on your face whenever any of us touch each other. That's why I haven't been hugging you as much, and why I've been asking for permission when I do. I can tell that it bothers you. And I'm just naturally a really cuddly person, you know? But I know that's not cool with you.”

“Now hold on, Pink-”

“Please let me finish. I'm not worried about you doing anything unsightly or pervy or whatever. I already know you're not gonna do anything like that anyway because you're really respectful and kind and know your boundaries and stuff. You gave Sunset the space she needed when she needed it, after all. But there's also your deal about physical contact. I know you're not gonna even so much as... as hold my hand, or anything like that. That's why I don't ask you like I do AJ, Fluttershy, or anyone else.”

She put both hands in her lap, continuing to look at the floor. “I know you probably have a little bit of, like. Residual guilt and stuff over what happened with Sunset. And with Dashie. And I know you don't want me to feel weird by you being around me. I once had to deal with feeling like a bad person because I thought my friends were cute, and I did eventually get over that. But since that's not really a factor here, shouldn't it be fine? And if it isn't, then I can sleep downstairs on the couch if it makes you feel better. I just thought that maybe you wouldn't wanna be alone...”

Twilight sat down next to Pinkie on the bed, trying to look in her eyes. It was a fool’s venture, but she at least knew that her words would be heard.

“Pinkie. Just so I can be clear with what you're saying... you think that I have a problem with touching, you trust me not to be weird, and you say I don't think you're cute?”

She nodded.

“First of all, that's a load of shit.” Twilight leaned over to wrap her arms around her friend. “I think you've misread me. The reason I’m weird about you girls touching me, or each other, is because I really like it, more than I probably should, and I'm always jealous when you girls hug and hold hands and stuff because you don't do it with me too.”

“But Twi-”

“Please let me finish. Of course I'm attracted to all of you, because you're all really hot. But I've made peace with the fact that you girls are either into men, into horses, or don't think that I’m girlfriend material. All I want is to be able to be physically affectionate with my friends without them thinking that I'm using it as a reason to get my hands on them for sexual pleasure. And I’m scared that you guys are going to think that I’m perving on you, especially when I’m not. But if that's not the case, and you know I'm not, then there shouldn't be a problem here.”

She deepened the hug and took a breath before continuing. “If you want to be cuddly and stuff with me, all you have to do is ask. I do feel bad about what I did with Sunset’s pictures, and to a lesser extent what almost happened when Rainbow and I were drunk, but that's between us. Not you. I also really appreciate your offer to give me the space I need, even though you're wrong about needing it in the first place. But there's something that's been bothering me during what you've been saying...”

Twilight retraced her hands before crossing her legs and turning to fully face Pinkie, who was now willing to look at her. “Do you honestly think that you're less pretty than me?”

She immediately turned away, and after a moment’s hesitation, gently nodded.

“But why?”

Pinkie glanced over, then back to the floor before putting her hands on her stomach. “Like I told you earlier today, I’m not the most physically fit girl in the world. I'm chubby and I have thunder thighs. And yeah, I have these,” she said, motioning to her chest. “But they're not perky like yours and Fluttershy’s and... all the rest of you. My hair is always a frizzy mess, and I guess I'm sort of pretty at certain angles, but I'm just... I’m not like you.”

“How do you mean?”

“You've got your whole meganekko thing going on, your hair’s always super adorkable especially when you have pencils in it, and your makeup is always super on point, especially your eyebrows. And of course your body is really well put together. You're not really sculpted and muscular like AJ and Dashie but next to Rarity, Fluttershy, and Sunset, you’d fit right in on a runway. You're all just so beautiful and skinny and I'm... not...”

“Pinkie, that's stupid.”

She looked up at the sudden resolve in Twilight’s voice.

“You shouldn't compare yourself to others, and you shouldn't let your body shape have any bearing on your self image! I appreciate the kind words aimed at me, but they mean nothing if you turn right back around and disparage yourself. You're a beautiful girl, Pinkie. I don't care if you're not a size zero, and neither do most people, let alone the ones that you've had sex with. And I think it's a crime that you didn't list your ass as one of your best qualities.”

“Twilight...”

“I said that I think all of my friends are hot. You are included in that. You, Rarity, Rainbow, Sunset, all of you. There's no hierarchy or anything, but if there was, then you certainly wouldn't be at the bottom. Why do you think I felt weird about you hugging me? Your boobs feel really nice, okay?”

“...okay.”

Twilight sighed. “I'm sorry. It just... Midnight would tell me I was ugly. I believed her. I hate knowing that you're having similar thoughts to what I did at my worst.”

“I know,” Pinkie interjected, laying her hand on one of Twilight’s. “I'm sorry too... you're right, of course. I'm just...”

“I get it. You don't have to defend your actions to me. Just know that I think you're great, okay?”

“Uh huh.”

The two girls hugged again, and didn't pull away for nearly a full minute.

“So... what side do you want?”

Twilight laughed at this. “I'm already on the left, why don't we just keep it like that?”

Pinkie nodded, as the two girls slid off of the bed and walked around to the sides. They pulled the blankets down and slid in on their respective ends, before nestling in. Twilight set her glasses on the side table then clapped twice, turning the lamp off and bathing the room in the moonlight now unmasked.

“Your sheets are really soft, Twi Twi.”

“Thanks,” she replied. “Rarity recommended them, and mom told me to use those pods to wash.

“The forbidden snack ones?”

Sigh. “Yes, Pinkie.”

Silence rang in the room as the two sat and looked up at the planetary model hanging from the ceiling. Both sat enraptured in thought about the same thing. Their hands gripped the comforter for a moment before, unbeknownst to each other, migrating across the great plain of the bed in the hopes to meet the other.

And meet they did.

/x/x/x/