It was inconceivable. The idea that this construct would agree to not only sit in a prison cell, but also allow herself to be regularly subjected to torture, was complete insanity.
And Starlight would not accept it.
Taking in a deep breath through her nostrils, Starlight exhaled it sharply through her mouth, furrowed her brow, and planted a frown upon her muzzle. "How can you want to stay after everything that Twilight's put you through?"
An eyebrow raised, Twilight said, matter-of-factly, "Because this is my purpose. It's why I made me."
Starlight blinked. "You... made yourself?"
"No, I, me, didn't. I, the other Twilight, made me." Twilight pondered her phrasing for a moment. "It's hard for me to explain, because I have both of the memories. It gets sort of mixed up in there." She tapped at her chin. "It's like, I remember making me, even though I know that I, the one that made me, isn't the me that's telling you this. But you need to understand that I, the other Twilight, doesn't remember it. At least, she doesn't really remember the parts that matter."
"What do you mean by that?" Starlight asked.
Twilight closed her eyes for a moment, her eyes scanning as if reading the back of her eyelids. When she opened them she looked at Starlight. "I'm just gonna start at the beginning." She then gazed off to one of the walls behind Starlight as she began her story. "I really tried everything before it came to this. Enchanted chests. Idol statues. Personal effects. But none of them could hold the feelings. They would all leak over time, like trying to hold water in a burlap sack. And so I tried to think of how I could make something that could hold emotions.
"That's when I thought of a construct. It was perfect! It was just like a pony, but it wouldn't think or feel. Yeah, it could move and would probably try to wander off, but I could just chain it up.
"Now, a construct has to be made from materials both natural and inorganic. No wood. No metal. So I formed me from Barnsbury clay and used sands from Mareitius for color. I could have made me look however I wanted, but I felt it would be most appropriate if it looked like me. I certainly wouldn't want the avatar of my darkest thoughts to look like Fluttershy!
"When I had finished forming it, I tried to use my magic to give it life, but it was too complicated as an alicorn. There's something special about that form. Every time I tried that, the clay would fracture when the wings unfolded or the horn would break off. So I had to take off the wings, but that was fine. It was still me - I was born a unicorn, after all.
"But even after I animated it, that construct wasn't me, this me. At least, not really, because I don't actually remember what it was like to be that one."
Twilight scratched at her neck. "I don't think I knew anything then. Like, I had no mind. I know I'm the same one, physically, but the way I was alive wasn't quite the same. I looked like a pony. I even moved like a pony and breathed like a pony. But the problem was, I couldn't hang on to the emotions. They leaked out at the same rate as before.
"And that was when I realized what the problem was: even a construct is just a fancy mechanism. I couldn't make it hold those thoughts because it had no place to think thoughts. But I could fix that. And what would bad thoughts matter if it couldn't feel the emotions that made them bad? So I labored for hours until I created a spell that let me expand the life of the construct. And I gave me thoughts."
Suddenly, Twilight looked around the room. "I remember that. As me me. I was here. And the first thing I remember is the glow of my horn dimming in front of me. I looked at me and I looked back at me for the first time. At least, for the first time where I knew I was looking back.
"But I was different then. I didn't feel like me now. I don't know how to explain what it's like to think without feeling. I don't even think I really remember what it was like, because I feel things when I think back on those times. But anyhoof, I gave me the memories again."
Twilight shook her head. "That was a huge mistake. I, I me, remember getting the memories. But even if the specifics stayed, all the other stuff, the reactions and feelings around them, still came back out. So the emotions were just kind of there. But they didn't have any thoughts attached, so like, the anger wasn't toward somepony or something. It was just anger. And sadness wasn't sadness over stuff that happened. It was just sadness.
"And that was the really hard thing, because those emotions seeped back into me, the other me. And they were really bad." Twilight put a hoof to her chin. "Of all of them, I think jealousy was the worst. Pure jealousy not attached to anything. Before that, I didn't think it was possible to feel jealous about something but not know why. Everypony I saw could make me feel jealous for no reason. It is so infuriating to be jealous like that, because you can't even try to fix it. If you don't know what you want, you can't convince yourself you don't need it, or that the other pony deserves it. Shame was also pretty bad, for similar reasons.
"So I had made my situation even worse and my solution was now the problem. Then again, I saw how I could fix it. But I didn't want to do it. I fought it. I fought it for days!"
Twilight looked Starlight dead in the eye, a look of pleading on her face. "You need to understand that. Please, know that I knew it was wrong! I knew I shouldn't, but the torment of thoughtless emotions was just too much for me. I even apologized to me for what I was going to do. And I remember being apologized to, but I, me, didn't understand, of course. So when I lit my horn to give me emotions, I had no idea what was coming."
A deep breath was pulled into Twilight's lungs. "That was a moment. Sweet Celestia. To feel for the first time! It was like teleporting out of a stuffy room right into a breezy field. Like breathing deeply when you're finally safe from drowning. You don't realize how much you need the air until you haven't had it. And I had never had it."
Starlight wondered if that recollection would make this Twilight smile, but it didn't. At best her expression was neutral, but it soon became a frown.
"You can probably imagine what happened next. The first emotion I ever felt was curiosity as I sat in front of me building up magic. I figured I'd get more memories, but when our horns touched-- GAH!" Twilight shouted and jumped in place a few times. "Yah-yeh-yuk! Ugh! To go from feeling nothing to feeling every manner of horror that life has to offer is not a good way to get introduced to emotions! And those first few hours of trying to understand what was happening to me were just terrible. Trying to sort through what these feelings were was not straight-forward. And the fact that they were unattached to anything meant that I had to puzzle out why I might feel each one..."
Twilight's eyes darted toward the ceiling for a moment, then she looked back at Starlight. "Alright. You know disgust?" She actually waited for Starlight to nod before continuing. "Yeah, so it's telling you that you don't want something. But how do you not want it? It isn't like fear, where you want to get away from something that could cause you physical pain. It gives you this tingling on your skin to make you want to wipe yourself down. It makes you want to throw up. So disgust is about getting rid of things that are already on or in you, or avoiding things that you don't want to have on or in you. But nopony told me that. I had to sort it out myself. And it took a while.
"But for me, the other me, I still had a problem...
"After giving me the emotions, I technically felt better, because those thoughtless emotions were gone, but there was now this nagging guilt. I just couldn't live with the fact that I was forcing something that could actually feel to experience a pain that even I couldn't bare. After a couple days, I decided I was going to come and take it all back. I was going to reverse the spell and shoulder all of those feelings again and come up with another solution.
"But, when I thought about doing that, I also couldn't handle the idea of taking those corrupted emotions back. And do you know what emotion I was feeling?"
Starlight initially thought the question was rhetorical, but when Twilight did not continue, she said, "Disgust?"
"Exactly. I was grossed out by those emotions. I didn't want them back inside me. The thought of it literally made me vomit. Twice! But I was afraid of the guilt, too. It was hurting me, and it was only going to keep on hurting me. So I couldn't take it back, but I also couldn't live with the pain of not taking it back!
"And that's why the next time I came here, I gave me the memories of making me, and all of the guilt that came with it. Now I, the me right here, have those memories and feelings.
"Do you see what I mean? About how Twilight doesn't understand? At least, not really. Sure, she has vague memories of making me, but all of the details and emotion that went into it is gone. She doesn't know what she's doing! She doesn't know that I have the capacity for thought or emotions; all of my outbursts are just mechanical to her. So all of my pain really isn't her fault when you thin--"
"What?!" Starlight shrieked. "Not her fault? Like hay it isn't! Are you crazy? She's torturing you, for pony sake! I don't give a buck if she 'doesn't know what she's doing.' It's like a little colt bucking a cat and thinking it's funny. Just because he doesn't understand that it feels pain, that doesn't make it okay. You tell the colt off and explain why it's wrong!"
Shock filled Twilight's face. "No! You can't! You can't tell me-- I mean, her! It would make all of this pointless! I would feel guilty all over again. And then I'd have to put even more guilt into me!"
Starlight shook her head. "No, she wouldn't do that, because I wouldn't let her. You don't have to let that fear control you. I'll keep you safe from Twilight and make sure sh--"
"Don't do it!"
"--e never hurts... what?"
"Just let me stay here!"
"But... but I can protect you! You must have the memory of my fight with Twilight. You know my magic is just as good as hers."
Twilight nodded. "Yes, I do. I have a lot of her memories. And even if they are almost all bad ones, I still know how I felt in those situations. And my fears were hardly ever for me. They were for my friends.
"I probably care just as much about those friends as if I was Princess Twilight. I would have gladly sacrificed myself to stop you in that fight. And, when I'm true to myself, I, the me standing here, would do the same."
Looking at Starlight, Twilight asked, "Will you let me do that?" She lifted up the forehoof that Starlight had freed. "Will you fix this chain and let me make that sacrifice?"
Starlight stared back at her. "You can't mean that."
Twilight said simply, "I really do."
Why was this happening? How could this attempt to do right have gone so horribly wrong? Starlight was no stranger to brainwashing, of course. Sure, there were no spells or propaganda machines here, but clearly this Twilight had been driven mad. Nopony would ever agree to this. So she was going to have to make the choice for Twilight. Whether she liked it or not.
Nodding to herself, Starlight looked back at the construct and opened her mouth. But when their eyes locked, Starlight could not help but recognize the resolve inside of those violet, bloodshot eyes. To her horror, those eyes were not the dead, mindless eyes of her villagers, nor did the construct wear the vacant expression of somepony being mind controlled. She looked completely conscious and aware. She has justifications. She has motives. She thought this through... Reluctantly, Starlight allowed her mind to come to its uncomfortable conclusion. She made this decision on her own.
If I force her to go... If I take her without her consent... No matter how Starlight tried to spin the narrative, it was undeniable that, from a plainly obvious angle, she would be capturing this Twilight, not liberating her. And keeping her against her will would, by definition, be imprisoning her. Once Starlight recognized that, she realized that she could not bring herself to do it.
Finally defeated, Starlight felt her withers and spirits sink. Spike was right. When push comes to shove, I don't have what it takes to make the hard choice...
Starlight walked toward Twilight and looked down at the chain she had broken. Her horn started to light up, but then dimmed again. She looked at Twilight until Twilight looked back. "Please," she begged. "Let me help you."
"If you want to help me now, all you need to do is fix that link," she said, then added. "Besides, you've already done plenty to help me tonight."
The unicorn could not stop herself from laughing at the lunacy of that statement. "Ha! Well, that's nice of you to say and all, but you're asking me to undo literally the only thing I did. When I walk out of this room, I'm going to be leaving you just like I found you."
"No. That's not true." Twilight shook her head. "You've made this so much better, because now I know that I could have left. You finally gave me a choice!" And at that, for the first time, Starlight saw this Twilight smile. "I never realized how much I needed that." The construct looked down at her hooves. "It's different when you choose your chains."
Starlight's gaze drifted to the chains, then back to Twilight's face. A hint of that smile was still there as she... admired?... her shackles. Starlight blinked and felt the wetness of tears on her muzzle. She sighed and shook her head and looked back at the broken link. Focusing on it, she closed her eyes and ignited her horn. When she opened them again, the chain was whole.
"Thank you," she heard Twilight say. But she could not bring herself to again look upon that face.
Turning, Starlight began to walk out of the room. Absentmindedly, she responded, "You're wel--"
No.
Taking in a deep breath, Starlight pushed herself to look back. Twilight was there. Mane still matted and snarled. Coat still coated in grease. She was unchanged. And her face now held a look of confusion.
"This is not how your story ends," Starlight said, more against reality than toward Twilight.
Looking concerned, Twilight recoiled.
Starlight sniffed and shook her head sharply, throwing a few tears to either side of her. "I'm not going to free you. I don't agree with your decision, but I will let you make it. I'm not going to force you to do anything, do you understand me?"
Her face relaxing slightly, Twilight nodded.
Starlight gathered the spit in her mouth and swallowed. When she blinked, more tears spilled forth from her eyes, and after a moment she could taste one of them as it touched her tongue. "But, if you want, I can c-come back again. I'll... I'll come visit you."
Taken aback, Twilight stared at the other unicorn. Her mouth rested open. Her eyes locked tightly onto Starlight's.
Wiping at her face with a hoof, Starlight asked, "Is that okay?"
Twilight blinked twice, then, "Okay."
With a shuddering breath, Starlight mustered the strength to say, "A-a-alright. I'll s-see you soon... then."
Finally leaving, Starlight faced toward the door and walked away. It was not a good solution. It was not even a satisfying one. The gesture was much smaller than what this Twilight deserved, but it was just all Starlight could think to give. As she walked out of the room, she used her magic to pick up the brown cloak and place it on her back.
"Starlight?"
Starlight heard the word, but it took her brain a moment to register its significance. Glancing back, she dared to look Twilight in the eye one more time. The pony's head was cocked to the side. Her right eyebrow was slightly higher than her left.
"Why are you doing this?"
Steeling herself, for the sake of the construct, Starlight forced her lips into something akin to a smile.
"You seem like you could use a friend."