Her Royal Morning Coffee
The Quicker Perker Upper
“Five days.” Dry Roast finished Applejack’s order and pushed it across the counter, then swept the bits for his first sale of the day into the cash register. “It’s been five days.”
“Long dry spell, I guess,” said Applejack with a completely straight face.
“Oh, har de har.” Dry thumped the levers on the coffee machine and made himself a short latte. “Other than a breakfast visit from Luna one morning, I haven’t seen either of them since then. You have no idea what it is like to go from full throttle to stopped.”
“Well…” Applejack scratched her chin. “There was this time that Big Mac came into the barn unexpectedly while I was—” she coughed “—entertaining a gentlecolt. That’s full stop with a bucket of cold water on top, and no, I’m not naming names.”
Dry raised an eyebrow, only to be countered by Ponyville’s eyebrow-raising expert, who continued, “And no, I ain’t never told none of my friends his name, either, so don’t bother asking around. I don’t suppose you been over to her castle to check, have you?”
“Which one?” Dry shrugged. “There’s a note on Twilight’s castle door, and how in the world would I go to Canterlot and get by the guards? Hi, I’m Princess Luna’s secret lover and I’d like to see if she’s available for a long walk in the Royal Gardens without you gentlestallions peeking at us?”
“Go back to this note on Twi’s door,” said Applejack. “What’s it say?”
“Dear Dry Roast. Not until later. Sincerely, both of us.” Dry sighed. “So there’s hope.”
The bell on the front door of the shop dinged and Twilight Sparkle staggered inside. She followed her normal somnambulist path down the corridor of empty space without bumping into more than one or two tables, lead by a twitching nose and two ears scanning back and forth like tiny radar dishes.
When Dry magicked the foam cup off the top of the stack and floated it over to the machine, both of Twilight’s ears focused on the slight noise, and her pace sped up until she was fairly galloping. For just a second, Dry thought she would hit the counter and burst through it, but she flowed over it in one smooth motion, finding his lips without any fumbling around or random pecks.
They both fell behind the counter, leaving Applejack to try to not laugh in the empty main room, but after a certain amount of time had passed, a few quiet chortles and a couple of sips from her coffee cup, the farmer moved up to the counter and started, “Hey, you two. I thought—”
Applejack stopped, and after due consideration, took another drink of coffee.
“Griffons,” she said, looking at the two creatures locking… beaks and other things behind the counter.
“Transformation spell,” gasped Dry Roast during a brief beak break. “Oh, wait. No, no, no!” Dry bit his beak down on the fluffy space sticking out of Twilight’s feathered chest, making the transformed princess give out a sharp squawk and jump backward.
“What in…” ‘Twilight’ looked herself over, then returned to her normal alicorn self with a brief flash of magic. “What’s going on?”
Applejack pushed her hat back a little. “Think it’s probably more what was going on afore Dry bit you.”
Twilight rubbed at the bright red mark on her chest. “But I… And he… I was just researching griffon mating last night…”
“Looked a little like the two of you was going to do some applied research in your sleep,” said Applejack. “Reckon he stopped you from finding out how a griffon laying an egg feels. Figure you wouldn’t sleep through that.”
“You’re not going to spread this around town, are you?” asked Dry ‘Feathers’ Roast, who had rolled over on his belly with new wings still flailing around a little. He was unpracticed with the voluntary motions of a griffon, but the involuntary reflexes of having a female wrapped around him were entirely too obvious.
“Not for love or bits,” said Applejack. “I’ll just be moseying along, provided the two of you can keep your beaks to yourselves in public.”
“I was not—” started Twilight. She looked down, then back up at Applejack sauntering out of the coffee shop front door. Then back down at the male griffon.
“Maybe I was,” she said with an awkward giggle. “Thank you, by the way.” She lit her horn with a brief flash to restore Dry Roast to his familiar unicorn form, then fidgeted awkwardly as he remained belly-down on the floor. “Did I hurt you?”
“Not exactly.” Dry floated the foam cup up to the coffee machine to complete Twilight’s normal coffee order, then over to her. “Everything I’ve got is working just fine. Maybe a little too fine.”
“Oh.” Twilight took a deep drink out of her coffee and yawned. “Sorry about that.”
“It was… educational,” started Dry, who still was sitting chest-down on the floor. “I’m not sure about what Applejack was saying, though. A transformation spell won’t change offspring permanently, would it?”
“No, not unless the transformed female has undergone both primary and secondary transformation,” said Twilight. “Plus I’ve got a contraception spell on—” She stopped and lit up her horn briefly.
“Gone, isn’t it?” asked Dry Roast. “Luna said alicorns with their blood up are unstoppable.”
“Unless you bite them,” said Twilight Sparkle. “Look, it’s not that I don’t want foals. They’re cute, adorable, and a way to pass our genetic legacy onto future generations.”
“No argument here,” said Dry without moving from his spot. “Making them is fun too.”
“Well…. yes,” admitted Twilight. “It’s just… Well, I think…”
“Why don’t we meet this afternoon in your castle?” said Dry Roast. “I’ll bring some sandwiches, we can talk, and have some privacy.”
“I have Spike,” said Twilight.
“Who will be overjoyed to get an afternoon off,” countered Dry Roast. “I asked him a few days ago when he was walking by the shop.” Dry scratched the back of his head. “I may have lunged out into the street, cornered him by a tree, and scared him a little, but he said it was cool. Oh, and I bought him a comic book.”
Twilight frowned. “Bribery?”
“Compensation for his inconvenience, addressed in a fairly minor financial way.” Dry rolled his eyes. “Besides, I hadn’t read that copy of Marevengers either. So, is it a date?”
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
“It’s an improvement,” admitted Dry Roast as he dropped Applejack’s coffee order onto the counter.
“I’d say it’s a darned sight better than an improvement over the last week.” Applejack poked the tab into the top of the coffee and took a cautious sip. “Twi’s been happier than a pig in slop, Luna’s been over at your place most mornings, and you’re looking pretty tired.”
“That’s… part of it,” admitted Dry Roast.
* * *
Luna could not stop giggling while the two of them walked through the darkness on their way to the coffee shop. “Sister has been most displeased when I do not return to Canterlot in her glorious mornings. She suspects that I am up to something.”
“You are,” said Dry. He nuzzled along her damp neck, still smelling like Rainbow Dash’s conditioner from their recent shower. “Still, you’re a big girl now.”
“She fusses over me so.” Luna broke out in a particularly energetic group of giggles. “It’s wonderful.”
“My big brother used to put frogs in my bed if I wasn’t home on time,” admitted Dry.
“She is asking about you in the most oblique fashion,” said Luna. “If the fair Princess Sparkle doth not wish to compete for your affections while awake, perhaps my sister would be interested.” She brushed her tail up Dry’s side while they walked, making him skip a step. “We both like our stallions like our coffee, tall, dark, and strong.”
Dry gave a disbelieving snort, then after another brush of Luna’s tail, gave out a different kind of snort.
“Sorry.” Dry Roast flicked his tail over Luna, but without the energy it deserved. “I’m sidetracked, I think. Twilight seems to be just… going through the motions. It’s fun, I’ll admit, but not like us.”
“We must take the good with the bad, I suppose.” Luna took a sharp left turn and headed in the direction of the forest. “Let us open the store somewhat later this morn. The Night doth call for a stroll through the outskirts of the beautiful forest.”
“Well…” Dry Roast considered the proposal, along with the proposer. “Nopony does show up before dawn except for Twilight, and I fixed her coffeemaker so we should be good for a few days until she breaks it again.”
“Good.” Luna picked up her strides into a brisk trot. “Perhaps if we are lucky, we shall see an owlbear. It is their mating season, after all.”
* * *
“By the way, Applejack. Did you know it’s owlbear mating season?” said Dry while brushing a twig out of his mane. “Luna had to fly back to Canterlot this morning in order to fill out some sort of observation report, but I’m afraid to tell Twilight about it.”
“Don’t want to be no owlbear, I figure,” said Applejack while chortling into her coffee. She paused, took a measured drink, and added, “That done came out too wrong to be funny.”
“A lot of the humor got sucked out of the whole experience during Breezie experimentation time.” Dry stuck his tongue in one cheek. “I’ll admit, flying is fun.”
“And whoopie’s fun too, but doing both at the same time’ll get you thirty days in the pen,” said Applejack. “RD told me that once.”
“There’s none of that either,” mused Dry Roast. “Everything except that, I think. The kissing pool was supposed to have been the thing that was holding her back, but there’s some other invisible hill in our emotional relationship.”
“And that hill done put Princess Luna on the other side of it too, I figure.” Applejack sat down her coffee and pushed her hat back. “From what you and Twi done said, if’n the hormones don’t fire up on either one of them, there ain’t no fire on t’other.”
“Oh, there’s hormones there,” admitted Dry Roast. “I’m practically dripping with them. Luna’s been taking her trips to Canterlot to keep from getting carried away, and Twilight has been dancing along the edge, but her heart’s not in it. One of these days, she’ll get carried away, things will happen, and—” Dry bit his bottom lip “—she’ll wind up hurt.”
“And pregnant, and probably hating you, and—” Applejack stopped when she saw the look on Dry Roast’s face. “Oh. So you think she’s just doin’ this to make Luna happy?”
Dry Roast looked outside at the dull light of impending sunrise, considering just how much earlier Applejack had been showing up at the store, and how worried she must have been about her friend’s behavior to make this kind of conversational time in her tight work schedule.
“What do you think?” he asked instead.
“Well…” Applejack pursed her lips and lubricated her mouth with a short sip of coffee. “You do know that Twi talks with us about you, right?”
“It’s probably inevitable.” Dry’s brows narrowed despite his best effort. “Wait a minute. How much does Twilight talk about our relationship?”
Applejack thought for a moment, then gestured Dry Roast closer so she could whisper in his ear. It took a while, and involved words that Dry never thought he would hear from the young farm mare.
“That’s… accurate,” he admitted once Applejack was done.
“Ah don’t know what’s in that pointy little head of hers at times,” admitted Applejack. “Heck, if’n I was in her position, I’d have taken you out to the barn for a tumble in the hay a bunch of times by now. You sure you ain’t doin’ something to block her out?”
“Positive, or at least as positive as a male can be,” said Dry. “There’s just no there, there. There’s no spark… No, wait. There’s lots of sparks. Heck, whenever she’s kissing me when sleepwalking, she’s full of sparks. It’s when she’s awake that everything falls apart.”
“Yeah, I done saw that with you two playing griffon nesting,” admitted Applejack.
Dry Roast examined the problem before saying what he really did not want to say. “So, do you think I should break up with her? Twilight, that is.”
“It’ll drive her nuts, but I think that’s probably the honest thing to do to keep from hurting her,” said Applejack. “Still, that’ll put an awful burr under Luna’s saddle. Ah think she was lookin’ forward to going to the rodeo with you more than just about anything.”
“Yeah.” Dry Roast looked out the window at the dull glow coating the horizon, foretelling the upcoming sunrise. “That really doesn’t matter if it hurts Twilight. I’d never be able to look myself in the mirror again.”
Applejack raised one eyebrow, but withheld comment.
After swirling his leftover coffee a few times, Dry put it down on the counter. “I feel sorry for Twilight, though.”
“Yeah.” Applejack sat her coffee down next to his. “There is one good thing about this.”
“What?”
Dry Roast’s eyes got big as Applejack kissed him, good and solid with all the energy that a healthy earth pony with her musculature could muster. When she was done, Applejack licked her lips, picked up her coffee, and began trotting for the front door of the shop, calling over her shoulder, “Not bad at all. Tell Luna I said hi.”
Then the door closed, and Dry was alone in the coffee shop again.
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
He was still puzzling over it during the lull before lunch when Fluttershy dropped by the coffee shop with Pinkie Pie.
“Oh, I know what you’re here for,” said Dry, darting past Sugar Lump into the back room and coming back with several triple-bagged buckets floating in his magic. “I have the coffee grounds you were asking about, Miss Fluttershy. Once they’re composted, the earthworms should love them. And I threw in a bag of eggshells to help with pH balance.”
“Thank you, Mister Roast.” Fluttershy’s voice was nearly inaudible, but it did not take much to see how happy she was when Dry floated the heavy buckets of grounds out to the wagon parked at the curb. “My creature friends will really appreciate this.”
“It’s nothing,” said Dry with a depreciating flick of one hoof that nearly made him trip. “I would have thrown them out anyway, and this way they get used for a good cause.”
“We’re going to have a wormstravaganza!” declared Pinkie Pie, who was in the harness of the wagon, ready to go. “How do you throw a party for worms, anyway?”
“I’m not sure.” Dry paused, and after a subtle look around, lowered his voice. “Speaking of things I’m not sure of. Have either of you noticed anything… unusual about Applejack lately?”
“I’m not sure what you mean by unusual.” Pinkie Pie turned her head almost upside down to look at Dry. “Did you put too much apple syrup in her coffee?”
“No, that’s not it,” said Dry, who fought back a sudden urge to lick his lips in memory of that fleeting taste of farmyard mare. “It was just about perfect. It’s just… Nevermind.”
“Thank you again for saving the coffee grounds for me, Mister Roast,” said Fluttershy. “We really appreciate it, and… um…” She lifted up on her toes and gently kissed Dry Roast on the lips with no more force than a butterfly might make during a cautious landing. After a short period of time, possibly no more than a few brief breaths, she settled back down on the ground, smiling and blushing in equal measure.
“Uh…” started Dry Roast, once he got over the totally unexpected shock. “Thank you?”
“That’s not a Thank-You Kiss,” said Pinkie Pie, slipping out of the traces of the wagon like a greased eel. “This is a Thank-You Kiss!”
The world became pink.
And after a certain period of time, possibly one or two geological eras, it turned back into the world.
The return to normalcy, or at least Ponyville normalcy, did not happen all at once. Apparently, there had been enough time for a small crowd to gather, complete with photographer. Pinkie Pie grinned at him, then turned to Fluttershy with a flourish.
“See! Now that was a Thank-You Kiss. Do you want to try again?”
Fluttershy blushed as much as Dry had ever seen her before. “Um…”
Dry tried to interrupt, but all that came out at first was also, “Ahh… Nothat’sfine, Pinkie.” He rubbed the back of his hoof across his lips, which were itching something fierce, and tried to remember if he had been chewing gum before, because he most certainly was now. “Bye?”
“Bye-bye, Mister Roast,” declared Pinkie before vaulting into the wagon harness and taking off. “We’ll see you next week! That gives you time to practice.”
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
“Mail call!” Derpy came sweeping in the front door to the coffee shop and skidded to a landing right in front of the counter, despite several ponies having previously been in line in front of her. While they picked themselves up from the floor and sorted out their associated limbs, the mailmare put the envelopes down on the counter and looked up with her familiar smile. “Hi, Mister Roast! Can I get—”
“Two hot chocolates, heavy on the marshmallows, with a pinch of alfalfa salt,” finished Dry with a flourish, placing the two foam containers on the counter next to his mail. “Say hi to Dinky for me at lunch.”
“Thanks!” There was a whirl of loose napkins and Derpy was gone again, leaving Dry to slip off to one side and read his mail in peace, since both of his temps were working in the shop, which allowed him to take off and hit the gym shortly.
“Luna,” he said under his breath while reading the first jasmine-scented card. “Tied up in court, wishing I was tied up with you, see you at dawn. Stinker.” He chuckled while opening the second card, which was delicately scented and addressed with the most precise calligraphy.
Then he read it a second time.
“I’m outnumbered,” he grumbled mildly, switching his apron for a small set of saddlebags. “It’s a conspiracy to keep me crazy, I just know it. Somewhere, they’re keeping score. Hey, Straight Shot!”
The chunky coffee colt looked up, but only after he used his magic to set the customer’s order on the counter, which was one of the reasons Dry had even considered hiring him.
“I’m off, and headed over to the Carousel Boutique,” said Dry. “I’ll be back in about an hour to see how you’re doing. If I’m not back by quitting time, clean up and see if Rarity has me locked in a back room or something.”
“I thought you were dating one of the princesses,” said the young stallion.
“That’s… a significant simplification,” said Dry. “You and Sugar Lump have been doing a great job covering for me, so just to let you know, if I vanish someday, I want you to keep the store open, okay?”
“Oh...kay,” said Straight Shot, who lowered his head when Sugar Lump jogged him in the ribs so she could whisper in his ear. “Oh,” he said after a short moment. “That makes sense.”
Dry withheld comment on his way out the back door.
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
“Welcome to the Carousel Boutique,” said Dry Roast under his breath as he nudged open the unlocked door. “Where everything is tailor-made, designed to get Dry Roast laid.”
The boutique looked very different than the last time Dry Roast had slipped by for some embroidery on the store aprons and some advice about decor. The candles were new, wafting scents of saddleberry, sandalwood, cinnamon and the faintest hint of lavender around the inside of the building. With the curtains drawn, they were the only illumination, making a fair path of the flickering scene-setters leading back into the depths of the building, which Dry Roast followed just out of pure contrariness. After all, it might have concealed something to help win over Twilight Sparkle’s affection. There was certainly something going on with Twilight’s friends.
The trail of scented candles led to the boutique kitchen, and even more romantic scene-setting. The sound of a violin wafted through the background, the table was set with two tall tapers burning with a rose-scented hint, and bolstered by a bowl of grapes, two bottles of wine chilling in an ice bucket, and several empty glasses.
“She didn’t.” Dry Roast sampled one of the grapes. One of the peeled grapes. “Yeah, she did.”
There was the faint tapping sound of another pony following the candlelit path, and Dry laid a few internal bets on whether it would turn out to be Rarity with a kiss, or Twilight Sparkle being tricked into a romantic gesture with her reluctant lover.
“Rarity?” called out Twilight as she came around the corner. “Oh. Not Rarity, I see,” she added upon catching sight of Dry Roast.
“Oh, I’m pretty sure Rarity is behind this,” said Dry while getting out the glasses and beginning to pour the wine. After all, it was probably an expensive year, so turning it down would be rude, and besides, he really needed a drink. “Would you like a glass of wine, Miss Sparkle?”
“Thank you,” said Twilight, floating over the glass and giving it a sip. “Whew. Rarity really pulled out the stops on this effort. I think I could smell the wine and candles from my castle.”
“They have good intentions.” Dry Roast filled his own wine glass and touched the rim of it to the other. “To good friends, good company, and second chances.”
“Yeah.” Twilight frowned in consideration, then knocked back the glass in one swig and presented it for refilling. “Hit me again. I’ve got something to ask you.”
Dry Roast hesitated with the bottle over Twilight’s empty glass. “Are you breaking up with me?”
“No!” Twilight waved the glass until Dry Roast filled it. “I want to—” She gently tapped her forehooves together, then slammed the glass of wine back again.
“No.” Dry put the cork back in the bottle, despite a sudden urge to drain it dry. “We’re not hitting it off, and you getting drunk will only make it worse.”
“I just realized, the only thing stopping us is my inhibitions,” said Twilight, waving the empty glass again. “They’ll go away once we do it five or six times.”
Dry Roast froze, unable to resist Twilight Sparkle’s much more powerful magic when she took the bottle away from him and poured another glass, and then yet another. She held the clear crystal up to the candlelight, admiring the way the wine glittered against the light while a small smile began to play around the corners of her beautiful lips. “I’m glad Rarity set this up. I’ve been letting my reluctance govern my actions. Well, after today, there’s no reluctance.” She slammed back the glass of wine and poured another, taking a long, deep breath in the process.
“I don’t think a wine like that should be chugged,” said Dry in a desperate attempt to… well, do something. Other than that. Five or six times. “Wait a minute. How could you smell the wine from your castle? It was uncorked to breathe, but we’re quite some distance away.”
Twilight frowned at the glass, then began looking around. “I think Rarity started decanting this about an hour ago. It was distracting. You can’t just open a new wine like this and let it breathe in the bottle. It needs a bigger glass to… Ah, here it is.” She pulled a large-bottomed glass container out from under Rarity’s cabinet and sat it down on the table.
“That’s interesting.” Dry Roast considered the faint film of reddish residue at the bottom of the container and sipped his own glass. “I’m not very familiar with non-coffee products.”
“Princess Celestia taught me.” Twilight knocked back her glass of wine, but slower in order to appreciate it. “Now, once we get done with the bottles—”
“Just a minute, Twilight.” There was something about the empty flask that bothered his chemist mind, and a series of chemical-based formulae began to patch themselves together in his mind, joining and rejoining in an entrancing dance of potential.
“Only a minute?” Twilight Sparkle began pouring herself another glass. “I’ve got a number of spells to help, but I’m a little baffled on just where to start. Well, I know where to start, I suppose. We’ve been there a few times before, but this time I’m finishing—”
Dry stuck the cork back in the bottle.
“I have an idea that might solve our dilemma without this,” he began slowly. “Trust me.”
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
Lieutenant Wind Shear drifted a little when he glided into a landing in the coffee shop front doorway, and nearly clipped the doorframe. “Sorry,” called out the lanky batpony. “Dry, you still open?”
“Just barely. What can I do you for?” Dry Roast yawned and looked around the nearly empty store, taking in the preparations he had set up for tonight’s experiment. There were a number of things that he had done, but the most difficult task had been to get Rainbow Dash’s house tied up outside of the store. It had taken a lot of physical labor and mental too, in order to lie his way out of an explanation. Repeating ‘Trust me’ to Rainbow was a little like painting a target on your forehead for the next Nightmare Night. Still, she had agreed to the odd request, and the even odder request on how to tie up her cloud house, so Dry was ahead of his expected plan already.
“Need coffee,” said the guard. “We’ve got an all-day meeting, and the castle staff has this incompetent boob running the coffee pot. I’ve got over a hundred Royal Guards from every corner of Equestria snapping at each other, and it’s only going to get worse for this evening’s breakout sessions.”
It seemed like a simple enough problem. “Hm. Got a delivery wagon or are you kidnapping me?”
“Chariot will be here in five. Nothing fancy. Just as many foam cups as you can crank out.” The lieutenant yawned again and shook his head. “Better make one for me.”
“I’ll set you up with some cups in carriers, but if you’re going to coffee a lot of guards, you’ll need—” Dry Roast pulled the two large storage containers he had purchased off the Flim/Flam brothers out from a cabinet, and checked the insides to make sure they were clean. “Ta-da!” he announced once they had passed inspection. “One for a light roast and one for dark. I’m just glad I didn’t clean out the coffee machine, or I’d have to start all over.”
“I could kiss you,” declared Wind Shear with a yawn even as the mechanisms of the coffee machine began to chirp and steam. “Right on the lips.”
“Why not?” Dry produced a small cappuccino for the guard with a flourish. “Everypony else has today.”
The nocturnal guard did not respond at first, because he had wrapped both membranous wings around the coffee cup and was working his way to the bottom of it, but once he finished and licked his lips, he gave Dry a sideways look and asked, “Are Twilight Sparkle’s friends trying to make up for her reluctance and get Princess Luna all heated up? Not that any of the guard noticed anything, of course.”
After a reluctant nod, Dry replied, “That’s probably it.”
“Soo…” Wind Shear waggled an eyebrow, seeming much more awake now. “Still want that kiss?”
“So by tomorrow that may be the only kissing I get,” admitted Dry Roast. “I’ve got a theory. Whatever happens tomorrow morning with Twilight, just let it happen. Don’t get in anypony’s way.”
“Just consider us Cupid’s little pegasi,” said Wind Shear while passing the empty cup back for a refill.
“Not that way.” Dry refilled the guard’s coffee cup before returning to pouring coffee into the insulated storage container for delivery. “In fact, if things go the way I think, I’m going to lose both princesses tomorrow. Twilight first, then Luna when she gets tired of me.”
“Not a chance.” Wind Shear sipped from his coffee instead of gulping, then sucked air across his tongue to cool it afterward. “If alicorns were peacocks, Luna would have her tail spread wide as a fan every time she talks about you in one sneaky way or another. She’s been dancing and prancing around Canterlot, just as cheerful as a nightingale and about as musical. You’ve put quite a bit of perk in the princess, and it’s rubbing off on the rest of the castle.” The guard paused to put one hoof up against the side of his helmet as if one of his fellow guards was telling him something through the communication crystals in his helmet, then he dove to the floor in front of the counter.
“Dry!” Princess Luna fairly burst through the doorway of the store and tackled Dry Roast, lips first. The kisses immediately followed, intense and hot enough to make Dry’s face feel as if it were on fire. “Thou smells of powerful mares,” she managed during a brief break for air. “We shall drive away these interlopers with our feminine wiles.”
“Whiles?” managed Dry.
“While we kiss you thusly. And while we nibble upon—” Luna lifted her head, fixed the guard with an intense look, and floated the ‘Closed” sign up to the counter.
It took every bit of willpower that Dry Roast had, but he floated the sign down from the counter and gave Luna a determined look.
“Glaerbil flibmdiget… I mean your guards have need of our product.”
Luna waggled an eyebrow and smirked, which made his heart skip a beat.
“Later,” he insisted, although with crumbling resistance due to those dark eyes. “I think I figured out what the problem is between Twilight and me.”
“And thou hast prepared a clever scheme to win over the fair princess?” asked Luna with a soft kiss. “To unlock the passion which lies between her thighs and allow her heart to cleave to thine own, so that our contest to bear your children might be fair?”
“Coffee first,” managed Dry Roast.
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
The two enchanted containers Dry had purchased from the Flim/Flam brothers, several dozen foam cups, and a box of topping pumpers filled up the Royal Guard chariot just about perfectly, leaving Dry Roast breathless, but not bitless, when the guards turned back to Canterlot and left the store empty.
“There goes the last order of the day.” Dry ran through the familiar steps in cleaning the coffee machine while Luna fairly pranced through the other steps of store cleanup. It was a comfortable feeling of marital bliss, broken only by the uncertainty of the plan Dry Roast was putting together. Still, it was far better than the feeling he was fairly certain would follow a drunken princess sex romp with Twilight Sparkle. Hopefully, his plans would come to fruition, even though he suspected the result of his experiment was not going to be optimal.
“So, did you miss me?” Luna flicked him with her tail while carrying the dustpan over to the trash, then gave him a long, intense kiss on the way back. “You smell of scented candles, the young Twilight Sparkle, and a fine Merlot, but not the acts which would follow such a romantic gesture.”
“It’s a secret,” said Dry Roast in a burst of creativity.
“Ooo, I love secrets.” Luna leaned close and nuzzled up his neck with her eyelashes leaving a tickling trail along her path. “Let us return to thy residence and we shall learn of it.”
“Not until tomorrow morning,” said Dry.
It was a very long night. But well worth keeping the secret.