2.
“I had hoped you would of made up a better story than that by now,” Cuffs said after he jotted down his last few notes onto his pad. In the back of my mind, I wondered how legible his writing was, since it seemed he had to do it by mouth. I had seen some unicorns about and they seemed to just float what they needed around, so, why wasn't it one of them doing this interview?
“Cross my heart, hope to die,” I reply with the obligatory hand/hoof motions. That was so weird, because I know I am trying to flex and move fingers but there is nothing there. Well, there is something there, but hooves do not move that ways so it is an impulse that goes nowhere in your head. It is the oddest sensation I can describe, and that is coming from someone that now has a coat on his skin.
He gives me the oddest of looks and then replies, “That's an odd thing to hope for.” It would seem he took it more literally than I would of expected.
“It's just a saying. Do you want me to go on with what happened?”
He just nodded, and off I went again.
================================
A hoof was there right in front of my face. Hard, and inflexible and definitely not the hand I was used to. Up to about one minute ago, I had fingers, and now they were gone. I kinda suspected I might lose a finger or two in my line of work; I work with metal and was a little clumsy, but this was never how I pictured them going. They were gone though, and I needed to cope with that. Later. I still needed information about what just happened. My eyes followed up my arms to see I had a layer of yellow fuzz on me that was about the same colour of a newspaper that was left out in the sun for too long.
“Alright. I can deal with that.”
It might be all the style somewhere to be yellow and have fur, after all. In the immortal advice given by one Douglas Adams, I would not panic. That is unproductive and I suspected the worst would still be coming. And to that end, I started sitting up and looking up to the rear-view mirror, expecting the worst. It was a pleasant surprise that the visage that greeted me in the mirror was not totally unrecognizable. Sure, I apparently was a something resembling a horse now, complete with pointed little ears, a long face, big green eyes and a mane but at least some of the features stayed in place. Chestnut brown hair made up the mane but I felt a little cheated that I still had the odd grey hair in it. Seriously, whatever happened changed my species, left me with my white hairs? That was not fair at all to be left with such a minor detriment in the face of total misfortune. At that point, I needed to just concentrate on breathing deep. The last thing I needed to do was get emotional about this, but that was getting progressively more difficult, with that unfamiliar face pretending to be me in the mirror.
“Come on Kerry... Deal with this. You can deal with this. It's not so bad,” I started saying to myself repetitively while I stared at the image. I was getting emotional about this, and my heart was starting to race with thoughts, concerns and worries and I was already digging myself a little mental hole for me to curl up in and have a proper break down in.
Shifting in my seat is what snapped me out of that state as my newly acquired tail got pinched between my butt and the seat. It was enough to make me yelp and squirm so I was no longer sitting upright, but laying across the seat on my front. It was hardly dignified, but at least it got my mind out of that “doomed” mindset rather effectively and back to immediate concerns and for starters, I gave my iPod a yank out from its plug to silence the still blaring music. Next, I found it nearly impossible to turn the key, but I managed to pinch it between my two hooves and turn the truck right off. It is kind of silly, but I hoped my truck was okay even though I doubted I would be in the condition to drive it anytime soon. Besides, more pressing matters were at hand (or hoof ) and they announced themselves with a heavy thump on my trucks hood.
“You have a lot to answer for!!” called a tom-boyish voice through the windshield and I looked up. About 3 minutes ago, I would never of believed I was seeing a blue pegasus, wings and all, with a rainbow motif for a mane, standing on my hood. It was like something I would of seen in my Dungeons and Dragons books. It was such a strange and unexpected event to cross my path, that it tripped my internal breaker for the odd and left me just processing her existence with a dumb gape on my face. The fact she was so furious to the point of tears was lost on me as I was still trying to parse together the impossibility of it all. “Are you even listening!? You nearly killed her!”
Sure, I heard the words, but all I can think of that it was not English she was speaking. I understood it, and apparently spoke it myself, but it was not not what I spoke just a few moments ago. It sounded like whinnies, nickers and other horse sounds to me, and yet, it made sense to me. Apparently, whatever happened made me bilingual; that was something that a decade of french lessons had utterly failed to instill in me. And once again, I needed to be jarred out of my out of control train of thought and the mare on the hood obliged by turning my windshield into a mess of spiderwebs with a stomp.
“Hey! Wake up in there! Didn't you hear me!? She could be dead!” Her voice was cracking at the volume she was using, but at least the words were really hitting home with me.
“I must apologize. I am a bit confused but, what did I just do? Who did I hit?” I finally said as calmly as possible, realizing I just crashed through a gathering of some sort and it was all I could do not to have my heart instantly twist into a knot but the thought of killing someone, even on accident, made my stomach churn roughly.
“Get out of that thing and you can see what you did!”
“Yes. Just give me a moment!” I had to oblige her with the charges she was laying on me, even if it put all my concerns on hold for now. I mean, I did not want to hurt anyone, or anypony, and I owed them what little explanation I could give them. She stood there, watching me fumble with the door with eyes that looked ready to burn a hole right through me. “Can you at least tell me where I am?”
“You're in trouble, that's where you are, Mister. Now get going!” I didn't bother saying anything back and she hovered right above me on her wings, watching me like a hawk for any effort on my part to bolt. Even if I would of, I doubt I would of made it far if I tried. After I crawled out of my truck and stepped down onto solid ground, I found myself entirely at a loss on to move. With two feet, it is logical how to move. Left, then right, then back to the start. With four hooves, there is no clear pattern to follow that came to my mind.
“Come on!” she spurred from above with no effort to hide how little patience she had for me.
“Sorry! I am just a bit rattled,” I returned as politely as I could. I was rattled, but to say that was the only reason why I could not walk was simply not true.
“Twilight is a bit more than rattled thanks to you! The least you owe her is to see what you did!”
The name Twilight instantly brought to mind both that stretch of road I was just on, as well as images of bad books rather than anypony I might of injured, but at least the distraction let me take a step. As soon as I stopped actually thinking about it, I started walking easily as if it were second-nature, but as soon as I questioned my body, it got swift revenge. My gait faltered and nearly tripped right onto my face in a rather unceremonious fashion. But even if I did crash to the ground, that would a far cry from the injuries I stand accused of inflicting. “Is she alright?” Once again, I started putting hooves in front of each other and following the tracks my truck left. Turns out, dreading the worst is a very good distraction from how one is walking.
“I,” she started, going from angry to despondent in a second, “I don't know. We had Princess Luna there already for the experiment, so I think she will be fine but...”
She did not continue, and I did not press for more. Frankly, I did not want to hear the details involving the one who I hit, nor the severity of it. I did not even question the apparent presence of equine royalty in my predicament. What good would it do me at this point? I just had to stay calm and try and piece together how fix this and get me back on the highway to Rollo. If I had fingers at such a point, I would count it as bonus. “I really did not mean to do it. It was a total accident!”
The return was quick. “You still did it!” That hurt, and I think she saw that it did. She did not sound much friendlier when she continued, but at least it was on a different subject. “What is that thing you were in, anyway? It was like, really fast for something on the ground!”
As much as the barb hurt, she was not wrong, so I tried moving on to what she asked. “It is my truck. It isn't that fast for one, but it gets me around.” I looked up to see her looking at me as if the words held no meaning. I should not of been surprised; she is a pegasus. How would she even know what a motor vehicle was? “What is your name, if I might ask?”
She hesitated to answer, but she did seem to be warming up at least a little to me. Maybe she really believed I did not do any of this on purpose and was as lost as she was about the whole situation. “Rainbow Dash. What's your name?” She said her name with a little swell of pride.
That was about the easiest question I have had all day. “My name is Kerry.”
“Carry? Carry what? Is that it?”
“Well, Kerry von Kassel is my full name, but it is a bit of a mouthful. Kerry works well enough.” She just looked at me oddly for that as if she was working out what it could mean. I am sure it did mean something at one point, but to me, it was just my name. Besides, her name was 'Rainbow Dash', so it was not like she could claim I had the odder name. “So... Is everyone horses around here?”
Once again, I got the 'you are nuts' look then she returned, “We're ponies. You're one too, if you didn't notice. Or did you hit your head when you crashed your, 'truck'?” She still looked distraught, but at least it was no longer that furious sort of angry where violence can be the only result. I did not answer though, and kept walking along those tracks with my mind mired in thoughts of how bad things might get worse from here. If there is one thing a troubled brain can do, it is invoke the possibilities of Murphy's Law. The pause gave me time to reflect on what has changed about me, where I was and the others around me. And one more thing should definitely be on that list; clothes get very hot, very quickly when you have a fur coat already.
I did not get too much time to think about how poorly my Carhart's fit me now before I was back at the site of disaster. Much of the commotion had settled down it would seem with several ponies of varying types and colours standing there, trying to console themselves in the midst of a flipped table that apparently contained their lunch. Of course, that paled to the spatter of red on the ground, and my heart sank into the deepest recesses of dread and it became very hard to approach closer.
“Don'tcha worry none,” one said loud enough for me to hear, “Luna took 'er and if t'were a pony that could help Twi', it'd be 'er.” Why would there be a western accent when Alberta and the southern States are both in an entirely different realm?
That might of helped my spirits, if it was not for the bawling and looks of worry between the group of four. The other two there just looked angry, standing dutifully by in dark armour, and it was those two that Rainbow motioned over. Judging by the uniform, they were guards or officers. “Is this the one that was in that thing?” one asked.
“That's him.” I knew this was not going to be good.
“By Royal decree, you are to come with us, and be detained until Royal Assent has been given for your release,” he commanded as I looked at the dark, bat-winged pony. I did not bother asking what he was because I would of much rather vanished into nothingness at that point. As for where, that seemed very much irrelevant to me now because the entire territory was foreign to me. So, I just nodded dumbly.
================================
“I think Rainbow went to the others, and left me to the guards. And they took me to you,” I finished and I looked at the stallion across the desk from me and how he was writing with a pen in his mouth, “Can you tell me where I am?”
He spat out the pen and tossed down his notepad. “You are at the Ponyville County Jail, pending transfer to the Royal Maximum Security Prison in Stoney Mountain, as soon as one of the Princesses sign off on it. They seem to have taken a personal interest in this. Lucky you,” Cuffs smugly answered, “You're likely going to go away for a long time.”
I was stunned for two reasons. One, I knew that there was a Stony Mountain Maximum Security Prison back home and it is was kind of odd that there would be another here. Maybe the name was just a good, 'prison name'. Secondly, I was going to be late for that job. I hate being late for work.