//------------------------------// // Chapter 38 - What a Generous Day (Edited by JBL) // Story: The Last Descendant // by Cup of Coffee //------------------------------// The weather was pleasantly humid, especially after last night’s rain. It was more akin to a spring morning, though it was still late summer. Soon the leaves would litter the ground and the familiar chill would set in, but that was weeks away. I scratched my chin, causing Twilight to stare at me in fascination, and Spike with wonder. “It’s so weird how quickly your facial hair grows back,” she commented. “A stallion’s facial hair growth compared to you is like a snail versus Rainbow Dash.” “Slow?” I barely managed to stifle a yawn. “Mhm, a stallion can take a year to grow a moustache, but it looks like it’ll take you a few weeks.” A familiar giggle-snort sounded from the passenger clinging to my back. Pinkie had, as had become customary, greeted me this morning at the castle’s front door in order to give me my daily dosage of medicine, and since we were heading in the same direction as Sugarcube Corner, she begged me to give her a piggy-back ride. I hadn’t even answered before she had latched onto my body. She was more like a baby; crawling from my back to my chest, even sitting on my shoulders at times. Fortunately, she wasn’t that heavy. Spike scoffed and kicked a pebble away. If he wore pants, he probably would have stuck his hands in his pockets as well. “Wish I could grow a moustache. It would look good on me. Maybe Rarity wou—I mean, maybe ponies would treat me more like an adult.” I shot Twilight a questioning look while mouthing, ‘He’s got a crush?’, to which she nodded, stifling a giggle. So, Spike had a crush on Rarity? That explained why he had been all lovey-dovey and helpful the day we left Canterlot—he’d wanted to impress her. Well, window-shopping was okay, but the age gap between them was considerable. “Aww, don’t worry, Spike,” Pinkie cooed. “Someday, Rarity will notice you. You’ve just got to grow up more, that’s all.” Spike scoffed again, mumbling something under his breath. “Halt! This is my stop,” Pinkie hollered next to my ear. She jumped down from my back, trotting next to me with a mile-wide grin on her face. “Next time, you have to run! I’ll bet you’re super-duper fast with those long legs.” “But they’re heavy,” I complained half-seriously. If I was going to get accustomed to these new legs, I would have to start training. A full day of walking around was exhausting, but running would be more of a challenge. We said our goodbyes as Pinkie sped off, disappearing around a corner. I wondered if all ponies were capable of making that weird pronking sound. “Anyway,” I noticed that we weren’t taking the usual route towards the market, instead following another path north, “who’s supposed to be my teacher today?” Twilight pointed to a cylindrical, rather opulently designed building up ahead. “Rarity. I spoke with her yesterday, and she was so excited to spend the day with you. Not surprising since you wear so much clothes.” That was a fair assessment. It probably wasn’t an exaggeration to assume that I was the most clothed being on this world, and considering how I would need a variety of clothes for summer and winter, Rarity and I would likely be seeing each other quite often. The only question would be her prices, which was another reminder that I soon had to find a job. Instead of knocking on the door, Twilight and Spike walked right in, causing a bell above the door to chime. A sing-song voice called from somewhere upstairs, “Come in, I’ll be down in a moment.” While waiting, I took a few moments to look around the room. I knew Rarity was a seamstress and designer, and expected to find rows upon rows of garment racks. In that regard, I was right. She also had several pony-shaped mannequins placed around the room which were proudly draped in dresses for mares and suits for stallions. I only spared those a momentary glance, seeing as I had scant interest in fashion. “Good morning, everypony,” Rarity called out as she descended the staircase. Spike took one glance at her, and I could almost see him melt away. “Hey, Rarity, you look nice today, especially your mane,” he complimented her, attempting to sound suave. Fixing an invisible imperfection in her mane, Rarity tossed her head slightly to the side, making her curls bounce and sparkle. “Why thank you, Spike. It’s a little something I bought in Canterlot, a mane shampoo made from desert flowers all the way from Saddle Arabia. It has such an exotic scent to it.” “Maybe I should try it as well,” Twilight said. “I was never particularly interested in mane maintenance when I lived in Canterlot.” “I highly recommend it, darling. After all, you’re a princess, an inspiration to many. That also means taking care of your appearance.” Rarity glanced at the clock on the wall. “Oh, but where are my manners? Come with me into the kitchen, and I can make us some tea.” Whilst walking there, I took a gander at the rest of the interior of her house. It doubled as a store and a home, with the store itself being on the first floor. Rarity’s home also revealed signs of the owner being a neat freak. The floors were immaculate, not a single speck of dust floating through the air, and her furniture appeared to be brand new, as if they’d never been used before. Even the colours meshed together perfectly; the bold intermingling with the subtle. Everything just screamed ‘classy as fuck and you know it, peasant’. Somehow, I had the feeling that creating a mess here would be a sure-fire way of endangering my life. Her kitchen was the same; clean as a whistle. I mused on the fact that the house was an accurate representation of the owner. I knew from back in Canterlot that Rarity was hardcore about her appearance, especially her mane. It had to be posh and styled at all times; anything less was simply unforgivable. I even had the dubious honour of witnessing her find a split end in her mane. Never seen so much drama before. *** After we finished tea, Twilight and Spike bade us farewell so that whatever plans Rarity had in mind could commence. We walked out into the parlour where her clothes were on display. “So, Rarity,” I began, eyeing the numerous racks around us, “I’ve a hunch that what you’re going to teach me involves clothes.” She laughed daintily, a hoof held to her chest. “Ahaha, well yes, I do have plans for you, darling. Garbed as you always are, you would be my ideal customer, and I am sure that if we spoke at length, my mind will simply overflow with ideas.” She stalked around me, eyeing me up and down. “You do have an interesting body shape, and I must confess that I have played around with a few ideas, perhaps even drawn a few sketches as well. However, that is not what I have in mind right now.” “What do you mean?” I asked. She walked towards the door and opened it, motioning for me to follow. “I mean that you’ve been through much lately, haven’t you?” I followed her outside, and together we headed into town. A few eyebrows were raised when ponies spotted us together, though most ponies just nodded in greeting. “Your stay in Canterlot, when you received terrible news, your subsequent recovery, your concern about reporters and your privacy, and coming here not knowing what would happen.” Turning a corner, a rather peculiar structure came into view. It resembled a huge tent, but was obviously made of wood, and above the door hung a large sign that depicted a mare with a long flowing mane. The letters underneath read ‘Ponyville Day Spa’. “I believe that today is a day for you to be spoiled.” She smiled, heading straight toward the building. “First, we will begin with a bit of relaxing, and in between, we can talk.” I immediately felt a disturbance in the Manly Force, urging me to turn around and flee. It was already too late, for Rarity had already opened the door and was waiting for me to catch up. I hesitated, and for good reason. Men did not go to a spa—men went to the gym, worked on cars and engines, chopped wood, wrestled bears, and generally did things that were stupid but awesome at the same time. However, I reckoned that I could still enter the building and avoid destroying my manliness, or so I hoped. We entered the building, the scent of soaps, oils, and an assortment of beauty products instantly staggering me. The waiting room’s main feature was a blue earth pony mare with a pink mane who stood behind a desk. She positively beamed when she spotted Rarity. “Rarity!” she exclaimed in an unfamiliar heavy accent, trotting out from behind the desk and giving Rarity a kiss on each cheek. “It is wonderful to see you again.” She then turned to me. “And Mister Powell as well.” She held out a hoof. I crouched down, giving her hoof a gentle shake. “A pleasure to meet you, Miss...” “Lotus Blossom is my name, but you can call me Lotus. I am the owner of Ponyville Day Spa alongside my twin sister, Aloe. It is nice to finally meet you. I was at your party, but we never had the chance to speak.” “Oh, um, there were a lot of ponies there, and I can’t remember every name and face,” I explained awkwardly. Lotus merely waved a hoof at me. “Do not worry, I understand.” She then addressed Rarity, “As you can see, it is early morning and no customers yet, so you two have the entire spa for yourselves.” Trotting over to a door covered with a curtain, Lotus pulled it aside, revealing a larger room. Rarity was the first to head inside, with me following close behind. The room was painted in bright pastel colours, and possessed a powerful scent of exotic flowers and oils. Steam rose to the ceiling from a large wooden bathtub in the middle of the room, which was surrounded by a dais with stairs leading up. Surrounding the tub were several comfy-looking spa tables for clients to relax on. “And here we are, the most soothing place in all of Ponyville.” Rarity took a deep breath and exhaled deeply, as though her stress was already melting away. I took a few moments to drink in the atmosphere of the entire spa. “Nice.” I gave an impressed whistle. “Thank you. My sister and I have spent much time and effort to make this spa a place of relaxation for everypony,” Lotus explained, her pride evident through her thick accent. Rarity nodded in agreement. “I come here often, as much as twice a week sometimes. I’ve already paid for us, so you don’t have to worry about a thing.” “What? You paid?” I raised an eyebrow in surprise. Spas weren’t cheap, as far as I knew. Rarity waved her hoof dismissively. “I am the Element of Generosity, and I also know that you need to unwind. Now, all we shall do is relax, and be pampered and spoilt.” She walked up the short stairs to the bathtub, sticking a hoof in it. “The temperature is perfect for a gentle soak in the tub. I recommend at least thirty minutes in here before we move on to something else.” I stuck my hand in the warm water, feeling its warmth soak into my fingers. Sure, I could go for a dip. In private. “That would be nice, but…” Rarity’s smile shrunk ever so slightly. “But what, darling?” During the time spent in Canterlot, we had discussed various topics, including clothing, but the main subject of why I wore clothes had never been brought up. “Well, there’s this thing about us humans; we don’t bathe nude in public, and I don’t have swimming trunks or anything like that, so I think I’ll rather sit this one out.” “What?” Her face visibly fell at my words. “But this is a luxurious bath, with the finest bath salts and oils. You simply cannot let it pass you by without giving it a chance!” I sighed and prepared to give a lesson on human etiquette, noticing Lotus standing close to me and giving her undivided attention. “Rarity, listen to me. I grew up in a world where walking around nude is either heavily frowned upon or outright illegal. The only times we humans are completely naked is either when we’re bathing, or when we’re engaging in some… hanky-panky with our girlfriend or boyfriend.” Her face immediately flushed, as did Lotus’, and she raised a hoof to object, but I wasn’t done. “I’ve followed that rule for my entire life. I simply can’t unlearn it or undo it with the snap of a finger, even if things are different around here.” Rarity slowly lowered her hoof, realization dawning on her face as my words sank in. “I see your point. It would be unfair to force you to do something you are not comfortable with.” I nodded to her. “Thank you for understanding. There’s another thing, though. Men usually don’t go to the spa. Not that it’s illegal, mind you, it’s just that it’s more of a womanly thing.” Shaking her head, Rarity made her way down the stairs. “I finally understand this nudity taboo of yours, and frankly, it makes sense in a very strange way. Now you’re saying that males never visit a spa?” I crossed my arms and nodded. Rarity looked up to me, waiting for an explanation. “Well, like I said, only women visit spas. It’s difficult to explain but it has something to do with our masculinity. Looking pretty, having silky smooth skin, and all that stuff—it’s simply not manly.” Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Manly?” “Um… stallion...in...ly?” I blew a puff of air out of my mouth. “Okay, visiting a spa puts a man's masculinity at risk, not literally, but figuratively. Women go to spa, men do not. It’s the easiest explanation I can give you.” Rarity and Lotus spent a few seconds gazing at me with a blank stare before both began laughing. “Oh darling, both mares and stallions frequent spas in Equestria. It’s not a matter of femininity or masculinity, merely a means for relaxing or caring for your body.” “Rarity is right,” Lotus chimed in. “We also provide hoof treatments, horn filling, and even feather oils. We cater to a large clientele consisting of many races. I am sure we can find something you’ll like.” I spent a few moments pondering what to do. I could probably just say no if I insisted; Rarity seemed like a reasonable mare, if a little pushy at times. Lotus seemed much more agreeable. However, a long soak in a tub sounded great as well. “When in Rome…” “What was that, darling?” I looked from Rarity, to the tub, and back to her again. “Okay,” I finally conceded, but raised my finger. “I won’t go in completely naked though.” I turned to Lotus. “Do you have a room where I can change my clothes and a large enough towel to wrap around my waist?” Luckily for me, Lotus found a large enough towel and even escorted me to a changing room in the back. Leaving my clothes on a table, I returned to the spa, naked sans the towel around my waist. Truth be told, I still wasn’t very comfortable, and had spent a few moments in the changing room willing myself to step outside. When I returned to the main room, Rarity was already in the tub while Lotus poured bath salts into the warm water. There was also another pony present that hadn’t been there earlier. She introduced herself as Aloe, Lotus’ twin sister. They looked exactly alike, except their colour schemes were reversed. They even had the same cutie mark and their voices were a perfect match. I took extra care to hold my towel in place while stepping into the tub, lest it fall off. When I finally settled inside, the waterline barely reached my stomach. It was much easier to sit in the middle, since it was deeper there, the water reaching my chest. “There, that wasn’t so bad, was it darling?” Rarity asked, her mane covered by a towel. I rolled my shoulders, feeling the warmth of the water and the salts working on my skin. “Still feels a bit weird,” I murmured, rubbing the warm water over my shoulders. A sudden touch almost made me jump, and my head swivelled around to spot a sponge held in Rarity’s blue aura. “What are you doing?” “I just thought you needed help,” she answered calmly. “Even though all homes have bathrooms, nearly every town and city possesses public baths. You have no idea how difficult it can be for an earth pony or a pegasus to wash their backs.” “Thanks, but I don’t need help.” I grabbed the sponge and demonstrated the reach of my arms by scrubbing my back. Rarity took another sponge and began scrubbing right between my shoulder blades. “You missed a spot.” I sighed slightly, unsure whether I liked all this touching. Ponies were like this, I had noticed. Pinkie, especially, had no concept of personal space. Aloe came by, asking if we needed anything. It turned out that they served refreshments as well. Rarity asked for ice tea, though I declined a drink. After Aloe left, I noted aloud that the twin’s accents made them somewhat difficult to understand. Rarity’s response wasn’t what I expected. “If you spend enough time here, you’ll understand them perfectly. Besides, their accent isn’t any harder to understand than yours.” “I have an accent?” I concentrated and slowly enunciated the words. “I can’t hear it.” “But you do, darling. I have met ponies from all over Equestria, and even from other countries, and I can place most accents quite accurately. Yours, however, I could not.” “Huh, I wonder where it came from.” Rarity smiled faintly while taking a sip from her drink. “I asked Twilight if she recognized it, but she didn’t, surprisingly enough. Instead, the answer was revealed by Princess Celestia. You, darling, have a northern Unicornian accent, a thousand-year old accent that faded over the many years after Equestria was founded. According to Princess Celestia, Star Swirl had the same accent, and his family was from northern Unicornia. It wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to imagine that you received it from him along with our language.” I sank down in the water until my head was barely above the water line, pondering Rarity’s revelation. In the end, I was fine with it since ponies could still understand what I was saying. After some time, it was time to switch to another activity. Returning from the changing room once we had dried off, I was instructed to lie down on the spa table by Lotus. Rarity was on a table next to me, her hooves being filed by Aloe, and apparently I was in for the same treatment. Lotus began by studying my hooves thoroughly. “Oh, you do not wear shoes? Hmm, there is not much wear or damage,” she noted. “You just need a light filing.” Holding a fine file in her mouth, she began to work, sending minute vibrations through my hooves. “I was never told about shoes. I didn’t think you wore them.” Celestia and Luna were the only ponies I had seen donning them, along with the hoof armour the guards wore. “But we do,” Rarity responded. She levitated over a single horseshoe, painted white to match her fur’s colour. “Most ponies wear horseshoes, but they are painted to match our coats and prevent rust. My shoes are designer-made to easily slip on and off without having to use nails. That way, I can change shoes to fit the occasion.” She held up a hoof where a shoe was attached the bottom of which the paint had worn off. “There are a wide variety of shoes to choose from, both for durability and aesthetic,” Rarity lectured while Aloe filed away at her hooves. “For instance, Silver shoes work well with most dresses and are quite trendy among the nobility. Bronze shoes are also popular, as they are less costly and can easily be engraved with a variety of patterns. Steel, however, is the most common choice, as it is a material that will last for a long time. Then there are those who prefer not to wear shoes at all, our dear Rainbow Dash for example.” After my hooves had been filed and polished with wax, Lotus asked if I wanted my horn done as well. According to her, it had a few blemishes that could easily be attended to. Seeing nothing wrong with it, I laid down on my stomach with my hands under my chin to allow her easier access. Running a hoof over my horn, Lotus hummed to herself while inspecting the bony appendage. “A few bumps and a very dull point. I recommend a full filing to smooth out the shape, a more defined groove, and a slightly sharper profile.” “Why the sharper profile?” I asked. “It is a style that is currently gaining ground in Manehattan. I’m certain it’ll be more prominent in Ponyville in a few weeks.” Never thought I would be caught up in the current trends of Equestria. I had assumed it would make spellcasting easier, not a fashion statement. Unfortunately, the horn filing proved nightmarish. The sensation of the files, ranging from medium coarse to very fine, was akin to someone using a slow rotating angle grinder on my skull. Luckily, all horns were completely void of sensations, though they could transmit vibrations easily. In the end, I wound up with a horn that was much smoother and pointier, though not enough to accidentally harm anyone. Wouldn’t want an accident, after all. *** When I had walked into the spa two hours earlier, I was certain my masculinity was under threat. I now stood corrected. Similar to horses from earth, proper hoof care was important for one’s well-being. Lotus and Aloe relayed a few horror stories from neglecting to do so. For example, a badly split hoof was excruciating and required immediate treatment in order to prevent the crack from growing. The removal of small foreign objects was also important. A pebble wedged in could quickly become a significant irritant. They even had home hoof-care sets for sale, but I declined Rarity’s offer to purchase one for me. When I needed one, I wanted to pay for it myself. Beside me, Rarity walked with her head held high and a relaxed expression on her face. “Tell me, darling, do you feel as though your masculinity has diminished?” she asked playfully. I let out a rueful laugh. “Not really, no. It was more like a health-care class combined with a bath. You planned it that way so that I would learn something, didn’t you?” Rarity allowed a sly smile to appear on her lips. “I may have. Sometimes, the best way to teach someone is to let them learn from professionals. Aloe and Lotus really are the best ponies in town to teach you.” She was right. Aloe and Lotus were fantastic at their craft, utterly professional and accommodating to their customers. I might just grow accustomed to visiting the spa for hoof treatment a few times a year, out of necessity if nothing else. The pictures of neglected hooves they had shown me flashed through my mind, causing me to shudder. “So, what’s next on the agenda?” Rarity seemed to have a destination in mind, one that took us down the main street. “Shoes.” She pointed at my hooves. “You need shoes in order to protect your hooves from wear and tear. Everypony wears them. Well, almost everypony—some pegasi outright reject shoes, no matter their material or beauty.” “Okay, and where can I get shoes?” Honestly, shoes didn’t sound that bad aside from the method they were attached: nails and hammer. That was a harrowing prospect. “A pony named Caramel. He is Ponyville’s farrier and shoemaker. Due to your hooves being so large, you’ll likely need custom-made shoes.” “That sounds expensive.” “Pish-posh.” Rarity halted and opened the door to a store, causing a bell to chime. There were several wooden cut-outs of horseshoes on a plaque above the door. “Caramel owes me a small favour, and I believe that now is a good time to cash in on it.” Arguing at this point would be futile since Rarity had clearly made up her mind. Honestly, all these handouts were getting to me. Shelves lined the walls of the store, filled with a variety of horse shoes styles, some even resembling high heels that would go with a dress. The store even had benches for stallions to sit on while their mares tried on a hundred pairs. A cash register and counter stood at one wall, a light amber earth pony with a brown mane standing behind it and reading a magazine. He looked up and spotted us, a smile coming to his face. “Hello there.” He walked around the counter. “How can I help you today, Rarity?” “Hello, Caramel. I was wondering if you have shoes in your establishment that would fit my friend here.” Caramel looked up at me, then down to my hooves, studying them for a moment. “Hmm, I might. Why don’t you take a seat while I get my tools?” Caramel walked into the back of his store and returned moments later with a wooden board with measuring lines carved into it, as well as small wooden walls mounted on screws. Placing it in front of me, he instructed me to set my hoof on it. He then began twisting the screws until my hoof was locked into place. Taking my measurements, he then wrote down the width and length of my hoof on the board. “Well, I can safely say that your hooves are the largest ones that ever walked into my store.” He chuckled. “I’m afraid Big Macintosh has lost the town record.” “You’ll have to make shoes from scratch then?” I knew that wielding a hammer couldn’t be easy for an earth pony, unless they had a power hammer or something. Maybe I could help him? Caramel rubbed his cheek. “Maybe not. I might have something in storage.” He went into the back of his store and returned with a flat, dusty, cardboard box. He opened it, revealing a pair of horseshoes that were wide and seemed rather hefty. I picked one up and weighed it in my hand. They were heavier than they appeared, and thicker than any horseshoe I’d ever seen before. They had no distinct pattern underneath, but the tip at the toe was quite wide. These were probably shoes for a real workhorse. They had no paint on them, only a matte finish that barely gave any reflection. “These are the largest pairs I have,” Caramel explained. “I made them years ago, but the customer never came to pick them up. I remember the guy clearly; a huge earth pony, real clumsy too. I think that with a little tweaking, I can make them fit you.” “That would be wonderful.” Rarity scrutinized the shoe held in my hand. “What do you think, Magnus? Do you like these? I admit, they are a bit plain and lacking in modern style—” “No no, I like these,” I cut her off. “I’m not much for style, to be honest, but if they’re comfortable to wear, that’d be fine.” Rarity gave me an appraising glance. “Very well, simplicity is a style in itself. How much are they?” “No charge,” he responded cheerily. “They’ve been taking up space for a long time, and I’ll be glad to get rid of them. Nopony around has hooves as big as these.” Caramel had to take another measurement while holding the shoe against my hoof, which revealed he would have to adjust the shoes wider in order for them to fit me comfortably. It would take time to hammer them into shape, harden them, and finally grind them to a satisfactory finish. While Caramel worked, Rarity revealed another plan she had in mind: gem hunting. Apparently, she and Spike had gone searching for gems a few days ago, and had brought back a decent haul. She explained that she use gems as decorations on her designs, but the last gem hunt yielded almost no gems of a specific colour, which was what she wanted to search for. I smelled an opportunity to earn some cash and gladly said yes. *** An hour later, we stood on a desolate field somewhere east of Ponyville, a place called Rambling Rock Ridge. It was barren and rocky, but according to Rarity, this was a good place to look for gems. She didn’t need that many, so all we had with us was a shovel and a cloth pouch to store the gems in. “So, what gems are you looking for?” I asked, eyeing the dusty landscape around us. Given that gems were common in this world and Rarity was searching for a specific colour, this could take a while. “Sky blue aquamarine. It is not terribly uncommon, and I haven’t looked in this particular section of the field yet.” She lit up her horn and pointed it at the ground as she began walking around. “What is that magic you’re using?” “One of my special talents; a gem-finding spell. Whenever I use it, I can easily find gems,” Rarity explained. “Neat. How does it work?” “Twilight explained it to me once. Magic from my horn spreads outwards, permeating everything. Gems can store magic within them, and whenever my magic comes into contact with a gem, it glows strong enough to shine through the earth.” Sure enough, the ground in front of her was glowing. Strange thing was, the return glow had the appearance of gemstones, even through thick dirt. “Ah, there we are. Would you mind digging them up?” I strode over with the pony-sized shovel, stuck it in the ground, and began digging. The shovel was small, but it got the job done. In less than a minute, a cluster of gems could be seen. To my surprise, these were perfectly cut, as though a gem cutter had just buried them and walked away. I knew that some crystals had a molecular bond that gave them certain shapes, but these were definitely weird. They were all different colours. I picked one up, a bright red gem the size of a baby’s fist. It must have been a ruby, though I was no gemmologist. If this was Earth, I would have been rich. Unfortunately, I was in Equestria where gems were common. For all I knew, this gem couldn’t even get me a haircut. “Hmm, pity.” Rarity sidled up next to me. “No sky blue aquamarines. I have enough of these at home. Just leave them there; somepony else might come along looking for them.” She strode away and lit up her horn again. “Wait, Rarity!” I called out. “How much exactly do you think this gem is worth?” If she didn’t want them, hell, I’d be happy to take them off her hands. This could be a way for me to earn some cash. Rarity studied the gem for a moment before shrugging. “I know what gems will complement my dresses and suits, but not their exact worth. You would be better off consulting a jeweller or gemmologist. Out of curiosity, why do you ask?” I held up the stone up to my eye, the sunlight dancing within the precious gem. “Because I could sell these and get a head start on getting my own place to live.” Rarity hummed to herself. “Well, there is a jewellery store in Ponyville. You could visit the proprietor and sell them to her if you wish.” I grinned and pocketed the gems, following Rarity to where the next pile of gems lay hidden beneath the soil. We wandered around, digging around a few places and finding some of the gems Rarity wanted. The aquamarines had a pleasant blue coloration to them, like fragments of a cloudless summer sky, all of which went into Rarity’s pouch. I also stuffed my pockets with gems Rarity didn’t want. Eventually my pockets became so full that I began to select the most flawless ones while discarding the rest. I grumbled while blaming myself for not bringing a wheelbarrow. The serenity of the dusty field didn’t last for long. “Whiny pony!” someone shouted. I was on my knees, scooping out a handful of gems when I heard the voice. Looking up from the hole, I spotted three hulking anthropomorphic dogs standing about thirty meters away from us. The first one had grey fur, wearing a red vest and a leather collar around his neck. The second had light brown fur, a grey vest, and a collar, as did the third dog, who was grey and the largest of the trio. They were hunched over, balancing on their arms for support, their forearms thick and muscular with claws on their stubby fingers. I didn’t like the malicious gleam in their eyes, nor the way they were grinning. The fact that they looked like werewolves, minus the drooling and bloodied fur, was also a concern—never trust a strange dog, after all. Rarity had also noticed the dogs. “Oh, those ruffians.” She huffed in annoyance. “Friends of yours?” I inquired. “Diamond dogs from a nearby den. I do not mingle with their sort.” She glared at them with disdain. “They kidnapped me once and enslaved me to use my magic to find gems for them. My friends came to the rescue, but I managed to escape the dogs by… unconventional means.” I wondered what she meant by ‘unconventional’ as I observed the dogs. They were whispering amongst themselves while pointing at Rarity, but judging by the glances in my direction, I didn’t doubt that they were equally or perhaps even more interested in me. When they casually began walking towards us, my mind kicked into high gear. ‘What to do if they attack? I’ve got the shovel which can do some damage. Plenty of stones nearby as well. Outnumbered though, odds are not good. Doubt we can run—they look pretty fast. One of us can go for help. Rarity has magic; maybe she can teleport and get Twilight.’ I did my best to hide my rising anxiety as I stood up straight while holding the shovel ready. The dogs advanced on us, stopping just a few meters from us, grinning mischievously. “It’s the whiny pony, boys!” The dog in the red vest smirked while leering at Rarity. He then looked to me. “She left her little lizard at home and brought something new.” He supported himself on his knuckles while walking towards me, only to be stopped when Rarity moved to stand between us. “Is there anything we can help you with?” she asked sharply. “Silence, whiny pony!” the dog barked. He shoved Rarity aside and continued towards me until he was just inches away. Even though he was hunched over, it was obvious that he was stronger than me in every way. He leaned even closer and began sniffing the air around me, eyeing me up and down. I didn’t even move since it was a gesture dogs usually did when they encountered something strange. However, he didn’t wag his tail like dogs usually did, and that was a sure sign of trouble. I saw Rarity at the corner of my eye, watching the whole affair with concern, her horn already glowing. “I don’t know your smell, haven’t smelled it before! What are you?” he demanded in his gravelly voice. “Me? Well, I’m a human,” I responded flatly. My mind raced to devise a solution where we kept our hides intact. Perhaps I could… do what this guy did? It was how dogs greeted each other. It was a simple start, but— A plan flashed across my mind’s eye. It required bullshittery of the highest degree, a silver tongue, truth about human history, and knowledge about dogs. If it went well, I could return to Ponyville with unsoiled pants. I slowly leaned towards the dog while sniffing the air eagerly, drawing in its scent. The unpleasant scent of moist dirt and unwashed dog caused me to wrinkle my nose. The dog was surprised at my actions yet stood perfectly still until I was done. The whole ordeal was over in just a few seconds. I tilted my head to the side. “You’re a diamond dog, aren’t you? You smell like one.” The dog blinked in confusion, then looked back at his pals, who looked at each other before shrugging, then back to me. “We are diamond dogs, yes! Why do you want to know?” I gave him the broadest smile I could muster, spreading my arms out wide. “Heheey! That’s great; glad to see some friendly faces!” I grabbed his paw and shook it eagerly with both hands. “I thought there were only ponies living in this land. Name’s Magnus, by the way. You are?” My eager reaction was obviously not what he had been expecting. He appeared so confounded that he simply looked down at his paw being held with both my hands. “Rover,” he answered confused. “Hah! Glad to meet you, Rover! How are you?” I gave him a friendly pat on the back before looking over to the two dogs behind him. I walked over to them, smiling and repeating the same spiel I had given Rover, getting their names in the process: Fido and Spot. From the outside, it might have looked like I had met some old friends I hadn’t seen in a long time. Inwardly, I groaned at their stereotypical canine names. I heard one whisper to the other, “Do we know this guy?” All that told me was that my slapdash plan was working, so well in fact that Rarity decided to intervene. “Magnus, do you know these dogs?” she asked hesitantly. Rover stood next to her, looking as befuddled as Rarity was. “No, not these guys. I just met them,” I explained, taking my arms off Fido’s and Spot’s back. “But we have diamond dogs where I come from. As a matter of fact, humans and diamond dogs have been the closest of friends for thousands upon thousands of years.” Was I lying? Damn right I was. While there was no such thing as diamond dogs on Earth, humans had domesticated dogs thousands of years ago. “You have? You never told us.” Rarity eyed me suspiciously. “Human? I never heard of human before,” Rover interjected. “That’s because I’m from a land very far away, friend.” I placed my hand on his shoulder, giving him a friendly pat and an earnest smile. “You guys have been my race’s friends for ages. We helped each other hunt and protected each other in times of war and peace. Your sense of smell is legendary; you can track someone for days. Do you have any idea how many humans your kind has saved over the years? We owe you much.” Silence reigned for a moment while my audience pondered my words. “I do have a good sense of smell,” the brown dog, Spot, mentioned while rubbing his nose, actually looking proud of himself. “I can always smell when food is ready, even in the deepest tunnels.” If there was a god of bullshittery and lies, he was definitely on my side, at least for now. *** On a cloud above the human, pony, and dogs, Discord sat with a slice of pizza topped only with pineapple and a large cup of fizzy paint thinner, watching the latest episode of the ‘Daily Human Show’. “Mediocre,” he mumbled. *** “And let’s not forget the heroes of the diamond dogs,” I announced loudly, gaining the undivided attention of the dogs. “Balto, the hero of Nome, who saved many lives when he crossed an unbelievable distance in a freezing blizzard, carrying medicine to a city of humans!” I paused for dramatic effect. “Lassie! Oh, she was truly a wonder dog who warned her friends of danger, and even saved a child from a burning barn! What couldn’t she do?” The way the dogs’ frowns turned into faint smiles told me I was on the right track. I couldn’t believe this bullshit actually worked! “Do you know who Laika was?” I asked my audience. The dogs shook their heads. To my surprise, Rarity shook hers as well. “Well then, let me tell you about the first being to travel into space. It was not a human; no, it was a brave hero of a land called ~The Soviet Union~. Her name was Laika, and she was a diamond dog.” *** They bought it all, hook, line, and sinker. It eventually got to the point where my audience seated themselves in front of me, eagerly lapping up my every word. While Rarity preferred stories about noble canines, the three diamond dogs were far more interested in hearing about dogs serving in wars. So I told them of brave dogs on the front lines, charging enemies with a courage and ferocity man could never achieve, as well as the role dogs played in ensuring dangerous substances were sniffed out before they could harm people. Inevitably, I began running short on stories to impress the dogs with. Instead, I shifted to telling the three dogs about the bond between dogs and humanity, how we shared houses and raised our children under the same roof. Even as the diamond dogs nodded in approval, I wondered if I had gone too far. Luckily, it was at this point that Rarity intervened, stating that we should head back to town. It was past the lunch hour, and my shoes would be ready at this time. Judging by her nervous tone, she really wanted to return to the comfort of her own home. The three dogs, however, were actually sad to see me go, whining like puppies when it was time for us to leave. I excused myself by saying that I was only in Ponyville temporarily, and while I would like to visit, it would be a long time before I would find the time to do so. When Rarity and I walked away, the three dogs waved their goodbyes to me. “Did you hear? He said I have a friendly face. Not even my own mother would ever say so!” I heard one of them proudly state. “I wanna work at one of those ‘air ports’,” another chimed in. “Maybe I can be a hero and find dangerous things hidden away in barrels and crates!” “Amateurs!” another announced loudly. “When we get back to the den, I’m gonna be like Laika! I’m going to space!” When we were out of listening distance, Rarity chanced a discreet peek over her shoulder, then to me. “Those stories, were any of them true?” she asked. “Every single damn one was true.” I then chuckled. “But every single diamond dog in those stories was a normal dog. Some of those dogs aren’t even real. It was worth telling them lies if we could get back to town unscathed.” Rarity agreed, though she did mention that they probably had only intended to harass, not kidnap us. Apparently, Princess Celestia had heard by way of Twilight’s letters of Rarity’s kidnapping, and had personally visited the diamond dogs to have a conversation with them. Better to tell them lies than them getting another visit by a displeased sun goddess. *** We headed straight to Caramel’s store, the stallion himself waiting eagerly with my steel shoes that had been adjusted and had a layer of clear matte lacquer applied. He first wiggled them into place, making a few slight adjustments. While standing on all fours, I had to extend one leg backwards on a special bench so that he could nail my shoe into place. I tried not to be a wuss, but when I saw the box of nails, I asked if it would hurt. Caramel smiled, stating that except for the gentle hammer blows, I wouldn’t feel a thing. Looking at Rarity to ease my mind, she gave me a reassuring nod, stating that she had been just as nervous when she got her first shoes. Apparently, fillies and colts heard some scary stories concerning shoes when they were young. Still didn’t stop me from whimpering at the first hammer blow. *** Horseshoes felt strange on my legs. There was extra weight, the hard surface, and a bit less grip than my usual shoes or even barefoot for that matter. Not to mention the constant sound of steel on solid ground. I had even developed a fear of the nails being hammered too far in, being just a hair’s width from striking a nerve or something. To say I had been walking on eggshells the way back to Rarity’s boutique was putting it mildly. There had to be better shoes around than these, and I reminded myself to search for an option that was softer on my legs and joints than these steel lumps. Rarity led me to her personal area of the boutique, specifically the living room. It was tastefully furnished, much like a modern living room, except for a lack of electrical gadgets. The paintings and flower decorations made up for it, though. She even had a small bookshelf filled with books on clothes and fashion. “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll bring us some tea,” she told me the moment we stepped inside. I took a seat on a chaise lounge Rarity had in her living room while she went to the kitchen to prepare some tea for us. She returned a few minutes later with a full porcelain tea set, sugar, and lemon. “Now then,” she began as she sat down on another chaise, tucking her forelegs closer to her while pouring us warm tea. Eyeing my clothes, her smile grew like that of a connoisseur appraising a particular work of art. “Let’s talk garments.” I looked down at my white T-shirt and blue pants. “My clothes? Is there something wrong with them?” I’d been wearing Creative’s clothes for some time now; they were actually pretty comfortable. “Not at all, darling. Although they seem a bit… plain to me.” She scrutinized my outfit with a critical eye. “Did you request them to be this way?” “I did. These are casual clothes where I come from. It’s what most people wear every day.” “Casual clothes,” Rarity repeated, almost like she was tasting the word for the first time. “Well, if I must be honest, I will say that ‘casual’ isn’t really popular in Equestria. Most of us prefer ‘au naturel’ over casual, but of course there are exceptions, and at those times, we prefer style. I have no doubt that you’ve seen suits and dresses during your stay in Canterlot.” I thought for a moment. “At my hearing. There was a bunch of ponies in formal suits and fancy-looking dresses there.” “Aha, probably nobility. The nobles of Equestria prefer expensive suits and dresses as everyday wear to display their status and wealth. That is not to say that the common pony doesn’t own finer wear for special occasions. Out of curiosity,” Rarity leaned closer to me, a smile that was eerily similar to Twilight’s face when she had questions, “what is fashion like when it comes to humans?” “Fashion, huh?” I blew a stream of air through my mouth. Sipping my tea, I took a moment to reminisce over the various styles back home. “Well, with so many people and different cultures, fashion changes from one continent to another. Western clothing is probably the most widespread style.” “Western?” Rarity repeated. “The specific culture I hail from,” I replied, not taking into account my native heritage. “Finer clothes, such as suits, all look similar in terms of style. Suit jacket, suit pants, a shirt, tie or bowtie, and of course, shoes. Come to think of it, most of the suit jackets those nobles wore looked a lot like western-styled jackets.” “I see,” Rarity replied with a knowing smile. “It would seem that even our fashion styles are somewhat similar. Interesting indeed.” She hopped off the chaise and cantered to another room, returning with a few sketches held aloft in her magic. “Do these sketches look like something a human would wear?” she asked as she passed them to me. I looked through her sketches, each one depicting a pony with different garments, but all of them fit nicely into the occasion they were designed for. There were suit jackets, vests, dresses, and skirts, but except for the jackets and vests, I had no experience with the rest. Certain garments just couldn’t carry over to the human body, no matter how much I tried. The typical dresses celebrities wore on TV were plain in comparison to the artistic works Rarity had sketched. Just remembering the dresses she had on display in her store, I had to wring my brain to dredge up anything from Earth that was similar. It served to remind me that Rarity was a seamstress and fashionista, and a damn good one at that. ‘Then again, this is another world. I can’t expect every style to be similar to home. Plus, given that they’re normally nude, they probably like to go all out when they do wear clothes.’ “Honestly, the jacket suits and the vests are the only ones that I can place because they’re so similar to men’s clothing.” I eyed the sketch of a mare wearing one of the more elaborately layered dresses, complete with roman-styled sandals on her hind legs. “I don’t know what a woman would look like wearing this. I guess that pony fashion is so unique that it’s hard to even imagine.” Rarity looked at the sketch, and a grin slowly grew on her face. “Oh, I am so happy to hear that, darling! Unique, yes, it certainly is, but so much that it is hard to imagine? By Celestia, has my fashion made you speechless?” she exclaimed with more than a hint of elation. “Well, it’s either that, or it could be that I don’t really care for fashion at all,” I answered bluntly. Rarity gasped, staring at me in horror. “You don’t care for fashion?! You, who wear clothes every single day, do not care?!” “Nope.” I sipped the remainder of my tea, extending my pinkie finger. “Can’t say that I do, only that I wear clothes that I like.” Rarity could barely hold herself together, pointing an accusing hoof at me. “B-But why? You said that all humans wear clothes!” I spoke calmly, hoping my words would prove logical to her overly dramatic mind. “I did say that, but not all people care for fashion. I’m a prime example; if my clothes are comfy and they’re in a colour I like, that’s good enough for me. Of course, there are people who do care for fashion and go to great lengths to look their best every day, but everyone’s different.” Slowly, Rarity lowered her hoof and her breathing became steadier. “Yes… Yes, of course. The taste of the individual. I’m afraid that I might have projected certain tastes and desires upon you. A race that wore clothes of the highest quality and cared greatly for fashion was a dream for me. So many different garments, so many fabrics, so many ideas,” she finished with a deep sigh and a forlorn expression on her face. Mulling over her words, I realized Rarity had made a fair assumption. It certainly wasn’t wrong of her to expect that of me; the alien race with their fantastic futuristic clothing, styles no one had heard of, and fabrics and colours that would make a rainbow look dull in comparison. Hollywood had certainly adopted that approach when it came to making movies. “I can understand your expectations, Rarity. To me, it sounds like clothes are meant for special occasions and to look as good as possible for you ponies. For humans, clothes are part of ordinary life. It’s as common as food and water. You shouldn’t feel bad about it at all; it was a fair assumption.” She turned to me, guilt fading from her face. “Thank you, darling. I thought I had made a fool of myself for believing so.” She smiled at me, which I returned, sensing the situation had been defused. “Goodness me, my tea is getting cold.” Rarity scooped up her cup and daintily began sipping, shooting me sideways glances. I had a faint idea of what she wanted to ask me of, considering her profession. Having provided me with shoes and paid for the spa session this morning, I was willing to play along. “Anything else about human clothes you want to ask about?” “Oh, heavens no. I should be teaching you about Equestria, not fulfilling my own personal desires,” she quickly answered, though the longing tone in her voice and constant twitch in her left ear gave her away. I leaned closer to Rarity. “Ever heard of… ~denim~?” I even added a bit of huskiness to my voice. Her head slowly turned, her large curious eyes fixated on me. “De-Denim?” I nodded. “It’s a fabric.” Swallowing and placing her cup back on the table, Rarity nodded hesitantly. “Yes, please.” “Maybe you want to hear about ~Gore-Tex~ as well?” Rarity inhaled deeply. “T-That sounds… exotic.” “And ~Polar Fleece~ perhaps? It’s made of a material called ~plastic~ and is light, soft, and easy to wash.” A faint red blush appeared on her cheeks. “Oh! Oh my!” She grabbed a nearby magazine from the table and began fanning herself. I was having way too much fun; the more fabrics I mentioned, the more flustered she grew, and for a moment, I wondered how far I could go. In the end I decided to just gun it. “Microfiber has become popular in the last few decades,” I casually mentioned while inspecting a fingernail. Rarity’s magazine fanned faster. “And let’s not forget ~spandex~. It’s very elastic, and wearing something made from spandex shows off the body’s contours, bulges, and any other areas of interest.” Rarity gasped, then jumped off the couch and ran out of the room. I sat alone, wondering if I had taken it too far. Apparently I didn’t, because Rarity returned moments later with a fan. She placed it on the table, turned it on, then jumped back onto the couch with a notepad and pencil, the fan blowing a stream of cool air at her, making her curls wave ever so slightly in the breeze. “Go on.” She fluttered her eyelashes, her voice so husky she could pull a dog sleigh. *** Rarity was over the moon when I began telling her of the different types of fabrics and the clothes used back on Earth. There were considerable gaps in my knowledge, though according to her, I managed to relay a plethora of information. From suits and dresses to casual and gym wear, Rarity wrote down every single sentence, often asking questions to further clarify my responses. A stroke of inspiration struck her during our conversation; she wanted to make me clothes. For free. When I refused, she pleaded and whined until my ears ached, stating how much of a challenge it would be for her. I finally understood why the diamond dogs referred to her as ‘whiny pony’. However, I stood my ground, not wanting to accept any more handouts. I’d been in financial binds before and came out fine in the end. Now that I knew where to find gems, I could always search for myself and find someone to buy them. She was just a stubborn, declaring that she was the Element of Generosity and that she could make me a wonderful suit free of charge. Mentioning that I hated wearing suits was probably not the brightest idea at the time. In the end, she conceded that I would pay for my clothes just as anyone else, though her tone was rather clipped. Still, it was better than her wasting her time on a suit I would never wear. By the time I left Rarity’s place, it was around four in the afternoon. The walk back to Twilight’s castle was done in silence, my mind absorbing the conversations I’d had with Rarity. I actually appreciated the hoof and horn care lessons due to them being directly related to my health and comfort. Still, the split hoof stories sent a shiver down my spine. By the time I reached the castle, Twilight was buried in a pile of papers, books, and a blackboard filled with equations and numbers, just like most days I had stayed with her. Whatever project she was working on had her complete attention, but not enough so that she didn’t hear me say hello. Seeing that she was busy, I decided to get out of her hair, and after finding a new book on magic to read, I headed up to my room. I stored the gems I carried into my backpack and settled down to read, but the events of the day caught up with me, and I soon drifted to sleep. *** After a short nap, I decided to sit by the window and observe the small town life unfolding before me. Ponies went about their business while fillies and colts ran about, causing trouble. Ponyville had a certain charm to it, I had to admit. Much like home. There was one thing I had just seen that made me give the stallion in my sight a respectable nod and a worthy applause. That guy was smooth as hell and a real player. I applauded him, because what he just did was risky, but he escaped trouble by nothing short of divine intervention. There was a gentle knock on the door before Twilight came trotting in. “Hey,” she greeted me. “I was busy with a project downstairs and didn’t see where you went, but I noticed a book was missing so....” I pointed towards the nightstand. “Techniques for increasing the amount of magic one can hold. ‘The magic pool’, as you call it. Interesting stuff.” Even though I’d been in Equestria for a relative short period of time, I had picked up a few things on magic, specifically how to increase one's own magical reserve. The more magic you had, the more spells you could cast within a short amount of time. The problem was, those techniques took time to master. Twilight glanced over to the nightstand just as I returned to peering out the window. “That’s a good book for novice wizards,” she noted. “By the way, how was your day with Rarity?” “Informative. I learned how to take care of my horn and hoof, as well as some general health care tips. I now also know a lot about fashion—can’t imagine where I picked up that from,” I added with a grin. “Oh, and I also got these.” I lifted a hoof up, revealing the unpainted steel horseshoe on the bottom of my hoof. “Oh, you got shoes.” A surprised expression flashed before her eyes. “After you told me about human footwear, I didn’t think you’d want horseshoes.” “It was a gift; it would be rude to say no. They were also free.” Returning to the scene unfolding outside, I grinned. Damn, that guy was slick. “What are you looking at?” Twilight asked, coming to stand beside me. “A legend.” “Legend?” Twilight peered out the window. “Where?” I placed an arm on Twilight’s withers and pointed at a specific house, and the three ponies standing there. “See that pegasus stallion, the one with the silver mohawk and black coat?” “Mhm, that’s Thunderlane. What about him?” “Well, I’ll tell you what happened a while ago.” I couldn’t help but grin. “He’s been standing there for a while with a picnic basket, obviously waiting for someone. Then the mare to the right came around the corner.” “Flitter.” “Right, Flitter. Well, he walks up to her and gives her a kiss, right on the lips. Not the friendly type of kiss though. I’m pretty sure they’re dating.” Twilight glanced at me. “He and Flitter have been dating for over a year now.” I nodded with a smile. “I thought so. Well, right after their kiss ended, the mare to the left came around the corner on the other side. And what does Don Juan do? He kisses her too! Right in front of his girlfriend!” Twilight looked again at the trio. “Girl? Oh, you mean marefriend. That’s Cloudchaser, Flitter’s sister.” I leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms on my chest. ‘Sisters?! You smooth mother…’ “Impressive. Most impressive. Anyway, here’s my theory: he’s dating Flitter and they’re official since you know about it. However, he’s also got a thing going on the side with Cloudchaser. How he got away with kissing her right in front of Flitter, I’ve no idea.” I turned to Twilight, waggling my eyebrows. “Basically, he’s got two girl—I mean, marefriends.” Twilight giggled at my eyebrows before looking down at the trio now moving away from the house. The playboy had one wing over each mare. A risky relationship, but the guy somehow managed to work both mares, and even went out on a picnic with his girl and inviting his second girl to come along. When his official girl found out, she was going to raise some hell and bust his balls. “It is unusual, yes,” Twilight agreed. “A stallion being in a relationship with two mares who are also sisters is very unusual, but not illegal. I really think they should find a third mare to join their herd, just to even things out a bit. Can’t imagine how awkward things can be during… um, you know.” Having a purple coat did nothing to hide a blush. That, however, was not was I was focusing on right now. “A third?” I exclaimed. “Christ, Twilight, he’s already in a bad situation being involved with his girlfriend’s sister without her knowing. No need to turn up the heat in hell.” Twilight chuckled as she looked at me. “I take it you didn’t know ponies are polyamorous?” “Polyamorous?” I scratched my head. “As in, more than one partner?” How did that work? I imagined such relationships were filled with drama and not worth the hassle. “That’s correct. Ponies, zebras and Saddle Arabian ponies are all polyamorous. I thought you’d have noticed by now just by walking about. I’m sure Star Swirl mentioned it in Canterlot when he first appeared.” “I thought that the language wasn’t entirely correct, or perhaps he messed up the translation or something,” I explained. Twilight suddenly clapped her hooves together eagerly while grinning broadly. “This calls for a lesson!” she exclaimed. Exhaling heavily, I waved a hand towards the door. “Yeah, go on, can’t wait to hear this.” We went back down to the library where most of my talks and lessons with Twilight had taken place. The library still looked like someone had dropped a grenade into a pile of papers and books. Collecting some of her work and stacking it neatly, Twilight cleared a table for us. She also found a stack of books which she placed on the table, obviously being learning material for me. She reminded me of a first grade teacher the way she sat there, all happy to play teacher and student with me. “Now then, like I mentioned before, ponies, and for the record, almost all equines, are polyamorous. Can you guess why?” I did know that horses formed herds in the wilds—a bunch of mares and stallions who would fight over the right to mate. “Because stallions are horn dogs?” “What’s a horn dog? No, wait, I can ask about that later. Back to the subject at hoof. Long ago, ponies formed larger herds and smaller family units. There’s been plenty of archaeological evidence have supported this belief. I think you can say that our culture is formed around the herd, the basic family unit. However, the other reason is our birth rates. Haven’t you noticed when you’ve been outside?” I thought back to all the times I’d walked around ponies. Most of that time was up in Canterlot Castle, which drew a blank. However, when I thought of Ponyville, a few things came to mind. Most of the ponies I had seen were mares. I’d thought until recently that maybe most stallions were at work, but that was obviously not the case. “Now that you mention it, I’ve noticed that there seem to be more mares than stallions,” I answered. “So there are more mares born than stallions?” Twilight nodded. “Three out of four foals born are female. The numbers are similar among zebras, though the number of stallions in Saddle Arabia is slightly higher. What about humans?” “Roughly around fifty-fifty, I think. We’re all mostly monogamous as well. Polygamy is illegal in most countries, but some religions allow it, as well as some distant tribes in faraway countries. Still, I think most people frown upon the concept because they think it’s illegal, kind of like cheating on your girlfriend or wife. One man and one woman, that’s how it is.” “But if they frown on it, why were you so excited to see a stallion with two mares?” Twilight asked inquisitively. “Because a man can dream.” I waggled my eyebrows again. “Having two or more girlfriends is a fantasy among most men, considering what might be going on in the bedroom. Still, it’s just a dream, one that’s very difficult to achieve.” By this point, Twilight had equipped her trusty quill and was scribbling away while avoiding my gaze, which somewhat hid her blush. “Interesting. Morals and law guiding relationship among humans, but males fantasizing about multiple mares? How should I interpret this?” she muttered to herself. “Question.” Twilight glanced up from her paper. “How does a relationship involving multiple ponies—” “Herd. We call it a herd.” “Herd then. How does a herd work? Isn’t there a lot of drama or jealousy with so many individuals?” Twilight shook her head. “Not usually, no. Because of our inherent nature to form strong bonds and communicate, herds are usually very strong and stable. Of course there might be arguments from time to time, but that’s part of a relationship.” Well, Twilight was right in that regard. No relationship was perfect. “As for how a herd works,” Twilight continued. “The most common one consists of one stallion and between two to four mares. It usually starts when a mare and stallion starts dating. If the relationship goes well, the couple might decide to expand the herd by adding a second mare after a few months, most of the time a common friend. There are herds that consist of more than four members, but those are becoming less frequent these days. They were much more common a few centuries ago.” Resting my head on my hand, I couldn't help but wonder how confusing it had to be for children to grow up in such a family. Yeah, one father I could imagine, but several mothers? “Tell me, how does it work when raising children in a herd? Who do the kids call mother when there are multiple mares?” “They refer to their own mothers as just that; the other mares are usually referred to as herdmothers. Because of this, I think you can understand that some families can be large.” I only nodded. After all these weeks, I was still attempting to apply human morals and traditions to a world that had never even seen humans before. There weren’t any religious or disapproving people to frown on the concept of polyamory among these adorable magical aliens. It had simply happened because nature dictated it was the best way to solve the problem of mares being lonely. “However,” Twilight added with a raised hoof. “Not all ponies chose polyamory. There are those who choose a monogamous relationship, my parents being two of them, so don’t think we’re all the same when it comes to relationships.” I nodded idly, wondering how large certain families could become in time. I remembered Star Swirl saying that he had children, so perhaps he had descendants here as well? That would make them— I abruptly cut that train of thought. It was stupid, really. No one cared that much, especially after so long. I was on my own, as I’d been for some time now. I’d manage as I always had. “Magnus?” I looked up to Twilight, who traced circles with her quill, an expression on her face that I had grown familiar with. “Now that I’ve taught you some of the basics of herds, can you tell me what human families are like?” She teleported in a thick stack of paper. “I’ve been writing down everything you’ve told me about humans, every single detail, and I’m trying to make a compendium of sorts. Something that I can look back at one day, read again, add more information, that sort of thing.” I leafed through some of the pages. Twilight was nothing but thorough: colour coded pages, numbers next to one paragraph indicating more research or interviews needed to bring clarity. Even a few books were mentioned, indicating similar customs and traditions. By the looks of it, Twilight had even spoken to her friends on their experiences interacting with me. “Looks like you’re researching for a book.” I pushed the pile towards her. “No no, this is purely for interest and research. I don’t plan on writing a book about you… unless you have any objections.” She added the last part in a whisper, nervously restacking the pile of information. I mulled on the idea for a second. I couldn’t find anything wrong about it; she was simply curious. I mean, who wouldn’t be? Besides, she let me stay in her castle and had helped me a lot ever since I came here. Still, I had some reservations. “For your interest, I’ll consider the proposition,” I replied before quickly adding, “but I’d like my private life to remain private.” “Great!” Twilight clapped her hooves together like an excited child, positively beaming as she grabbed her quill. “Remember, be as thorough as you can.” “Of course. For science, right?” “Right. Now then, how do humans procreate?” “...” “Magnus, your cheeks suddenly turned red. Are you feeling well?”