//------------------------------//
// Chapter - 8 - The Party Part I 
// Story: Trojan Pony 
// by Hawker Hurricane 
//------------------------------//

I froze in fear.

How could she know?

"I-I d-don't know-"

"Don't insult my intelligence by denying it Vladimir."

Still being levitated in her magic, I sighed in defeat, "How did you know?"

"A few things gave it away."

"Such as?"

"Your hostility to Twilight and Applejack, your unusual language, the description you gave of your homeland, your behaviour-"

"What about my fucking behaviour?!" I asked, frowning fiercely, insulted she was trying to imply something negative.

"Well for starters you are very confrontational, foul mouthed, vocally liberal in expressing your opinion, and speaking of vocals....you have the exact same voice as the creature."

I sighed deeply again, "Is it really that obvious?"

"To me it is, but like I said...I have an eye for detail."

"You......you won't tell Twilight or Cowgirl will you?"

"No. But who else does know?"

"Fluttershy, Rainbow, Vinyl, Octavia, Lyra, Bon Bon, Thunderlane, my doctor and the Princesses."

"What about Pinkie?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

I looked up and noticed we were getting closer to the Spa. I didn't feel particularly comfortable being levitated in. If I was going to be forced to be pampered like a beta male soy boy I would at least walk in like a alpha man and be feminised with dignity.

"Rarity could you put me down please?"

"So you can run away?"

"Nooo, that wouldn't work. You'd catch me again and up the pampering even more. I'd just prefer to walk in in my own. That and it attracts less attention."

Rarity stopped walking and looked at me, probably trying to gauge whether I was being truthful or not. After a few seconds, she gently put me back on my hooves right in front of her, "Very well, but there'll be no sneaking out of this."

"OK, but you promise you won't tell anyone?"

"I've said I wouldn't tell anypony, and I won't. Nor will I use that knowledge into blackmail you into doing anything I want."

I looked up in surprise at that, "You won't?"

"Of course not! I would never do anything so unladylike." 

"Yet you're dragging me to a spa against my will?"

"You threatened to give me a mud bath."

"But you like mud baths."

"Not the sort of mud bath you had in mind Apollo."

I scoffed at that, "A little mud never hurt anyone."

"Splendid darling, in that case you can join me in having your own mud bath."

"BUT I DON'T WANT ONE!"

Rarity looked back to me with a sinister, spine chilling smirk, "A little mud never hurt anyone.....darling."





I hate Rarity.

I absolutely, hate her.

I hate her smooth and pristine white fur.

I hate her curly purple mane.

I hate her curly purple tail.

I hate her delicate hooves.

I hate her with every fibre of my being.

Albeit not as much as Sparkle Butt or Twatjack.

Every iota of manhood I have is being slowly washed away in, of all things, a mud bath.

My words came back to haunt me.

Who in their right mind would willingly cover themselves in dirt just to clean it off straight afterwards?

"Stop pouting Apollo," Rarity said and Lotus applied mud to her face, "A mud bath is a proven treatment for revitalising the body and easing muscle and joint pain."

"I'm in the prime of my life! I don't need 'revitalising'," I retorted, using my hooves to make inverted commas, "And I don't have muscle or joint pains."

"Maybe not, but it won't do you any harm to stay in the 'prime of your life'. Besides, you enjoyed the steam room."

Did I mention I hate Rarity?

"It was almost like you had experienced it before," she continued.

"We have something similar in Russia," I replied.

I couldn't see if she was pleased as cucumber slices where placed over my eyes, quickly followed by the feeling of hooves applying shit mud to my face. But from the tone of her voice, I knew I had gotten her attention and she wouldn't let up until she had more information.

"You must tell me more darling," she said excitedly.

I sighed, again cursing myself for not keeping my mouth shut.

"In Russia, I have on many occasions enjoyed Banya."

"What is 'Banya'?"

"It's a small room where people experience dry or wet heat sessions. Temperatures reach close to the boiling point of water and the steam and high heat makes bathers perspire."

"Fascinating darling, does anything else happen in these spas?"

"Bathers may hit each other with banny venik. It helps improve circulation apparently."

"And what is 'banny venik'?"

"It's Russian for 'bath broom'. They can be made from birch wood, and bathers would hit each other with them to help relieve muscle and joint pain, amongst other things."

I wonder if Rarity would like it if I spanked her flanks with a birch branch?

"I heard that Apollo!"

Shit.

Did I say that out loud?

"Yes you did you dirty minded colt!"

Yes I did.

And she heard it.

Fuck.

......

There was a very long, awkward silence.

What does one say after saying such a thing, albeit unintentionally aloud, and when you can't go anywhere due to being in a bath full of mud and cucumber slices over your eyes?

"Soooooo," I continued awkwardly, "What next after the mud bath?"

"What's next?" she replied with a little shrill, "What's next? You ask what's next after making that lewd comment?!"

"I'm sorry! I only intended to think it!"

Smooth Vladdy boy, real smooth.

"How is that any better?!" she demanded to know, the increasing shrill in her voice piercing my super pony hearing.

"W-w-well, a-at least I wouldn't have said it."

"I suppose that true," she grumbled, "But don't think I won't forget what you said!"

I wisely decided to stay quiet for the remainder of the mud bath, instead I just listened to Rarity witter on about dresses and fashion, though I did occasionally give the odd 'yes' to a few questions.

No idea what the questions where though.

I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.





My torture spa treatment continued for a while longer. After the mud bath I was then subjected the horrors of a hooficure, my mane being washed and styled into a spikey manner, my fur being brushed and lotions applied, my tail being brushed and my hooves polished.

I don't care how fantastic I felt or how much I actually enjoyed it, I hated every moment of it. Anything that says otherwise is fake news.

Anyway, Rarity and I were walking out of the spa after Rarity had booked another visit in a weeks time.

An appointment that included me.

"Fluttershy will be joining us next week."

"Joining you you mean? I won't be there."

"Oh yes you will Apollo. I've already booked the appointment and paid for a full, deluxe treatment for the three of us."

"I'm not going," I replied firmly and defiantly, "I will not subject myself to that misery again."

"What misery? You enjoyed yourself, did you not?"

"No, I did not."

"Don't lie to me Little Bunny. I saw the look on your face when your fur was being cleaned and your mane styled. You enjoyed being pampered."

I said nothing. Unfortunately Rarity took my silence as her being correct.

"Come along Little Bunny," she said cheerfully, "Our pampering has left me thirsty. There's a cafe nearby, so come along and join me for a cup of tea and some toasted teacakes. All on me, of course."

How the hell could I refuse that?

Damn my English blood.

"Lead the way," I replied, somewhat looking forward to free tea and teacakes.





LATER IN THE DAY, APPROX 6PM

I was sat on my plot in Rainbow's house, watching on slightly scared as Pinkie bounced around putting the party decorations in place. Seeing her like this made me wonder if Pinkie had an 'OFF' switch, or at least a lower setting. How could anyone stay so hyperactive almost all the time?

I'd be knackered after five minutes.

Anyway, I took the liberty of bringing some drinks I bought in the form of Pear Cider; and was downing a refreshing gulp when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Rainbow called out, flying from the kitchen to the front door.

After a few moments, the invited party guests walked in.

Along with a not invited party guest.

"Hello Apollo."

"Hello Twilight," I replied with all the fake happiness I could muster, which is to say not much at all, "What brings you here?"

"Pinkie told me she was lending her balloon to allow some ponies attend a party here. As I know how to operate one, I volunteered to bring them here."

Did I mention Pinkie sent herself to Rainbow's cloud-house via canon shot?

And ignore any report or rumour of me screaming like a little filly when her head popped through Rainbow's cloud garden when I was trying to relax in the afternoon sun. It's all fake news.

"You volunteered out of the goodness of your heart?"

Twilight nodded proudly.

"Or did you use the party as excuse to try and pry more information from me?"

"Absolutely not!" she replied looking offended, "I admit I want to get to know you better but I would never use ponies for personal gain!"

"Then what's with all the parchment and quills?" I asked, pointing a hoof at her saddle bags.

Twilight sighed sadly, looking downbeat, "I brought them just in case you wanted to share anything else about you."

"Why are you so interested in me? Why didn't you show the same kind of interest in that creature?"

"That mon-....that creature was violent and incapable of speaking."

"How do you know that? I'm told he did speak, but that was ended when he was gagged."

"That was to prevent it from eating anypony! And it's speech was no more than mimicking what it heard ponies say."

"Where is your evidence to support your claim?" I asked calmly.

My perfectly reasonable question caused Twilight to clench her teeth and glare angrily at me, "Here you go again! Contradicting me when you were not even present to something I witnessed myself!"

"You just don't want to admit you're wrong and risk being sent back to Magic Kindergarten. And this is the THIRD TIME you have approached me like this. I would have thought after what I told you earlier would have been enough."

Twilight began lighting her horn up, probably to blast me with the pony equivalent of Expelliarmus, or Avada Kedavra. Fortunately for me, Pinkie Pie popped in to save my hide.

"Come on you two! Don't be grumpy ponies before the party even begins!" she said, wrapping her forelegs around myself and Twilight, pulling us both in for a hug. 

She eventually let go and bounced away, leaving me and Twilight to scowl at one another.

"Hey, Apollo!"

I turned to face Vinyl, seeing clearly my own reflection on her awesome shades, "Hey Vinyl. What's up?"

I bumped hooves with her.

"Not much. Oh by the way, you can pick up you record player later if you like."

"I don't have the bits just yet."

"I'll put it on credit and you can pay it back when you can."

"Are you sure?"

"Sure I am. Come on over after the party and we'll sort things out."

"OK, thanks for that," I replied, slightly taken back at how quickly I could get something on credit and without having to sign my life away or answer every question imaginable about my finances.

"No problem," she replied, before looking over to Twilight and then back to me, "I heard you arguing with her."

"Yeah, we did. Again," I replied, watching as Twilight walked away to talk to Rainbow.

"She's still trying to find out more about you?"

I nodded, "If she wasn't approaching it like an interrogation then maybe I would be more willing to talk."

"Haven't you thought about maybe negotiating a deal for her to talk to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you said she had some items you wanted back. So why not offer to talk to her in exchange for the items?"

That did sound like a good idea. I could get my shit back and satisfy Twilight (at least a little bit).

"I'll try. If it works though I will have to see you about transferring my music onto vinyl discs. You'd help with that wouldn't you?"

"You really think I'd miss a chance to hear some banging new tunes?"

"I guess not."

There was a few moments of silence as Vinyl just looked at me intensely, squinting slightly behind her shades.

"Something wrong?" I asked nervously.

"Did you do something to your fur?"

"No," I replied rather quickly and panicky.

"You sure?" Vinyl replied sceptically, "Your dinner plate eyes say otherwise."

"Nothing, it's just the sunlight."

"We're inside," Vinyl deadpanned.

"And-"

"And the sun's already gone down," she added.

Busted again.

"Come on Apollo," she said, placing a hoof on my shoulder, "What happened?"

I pouted and scuffed the floor with a hoof, "I had a spa session with Rarity."

As I expected, Vinyl laughed.

"Wow Apollo, I didn't take you for the type who likes to be pampered to."

"I'm not. Rarity forced me to go," I whined defensively.

"Sure she did. A delicate mare like Rarity forcing a big, rugged stallion to a spa session? Please. I also see you had a hooficure as well. "

"So what? I bet you've had them."

"Yeah but I'm a mare. Mares getting hooficures is common, stallions getting them is a.....rarity."

"Oh very funny," I replied, rolling my eyes, "Don't quit your day job if that's the best you can do."

"Meh, even if I did I'd still have my night club business."

"Yeah yeah; must be good, and profitable, running those."

"It can be. But it took a lot of work and borrowing a lot of bits from reluctant bank managers before it finally turned a profit."

"Well hopefully I can start my own engineering firm once my workshop is up and running. That and after I recreate stuff from my homeland I could sell on the designs and live on the royalty payments alone."

"I can't wait to see what you make. Any idea how long before you have anything?"

"No idea. I'd also have to look into finding metalworkers to make components, and another drawback is anything I create would have to be purely mechanical. At least until Equestria creates the microchip."

I thought it best if I didn't mention the cost involved.

"Hey Apollo!" I looked over to see Rainbow flying over to me, "How did it go at the spa with Rarity?"

"It was absolutely delightful. You should go yourself sometime."

Rainbow scoffed, "Like I'd ever do that."

"You should really," I replied, pointing to her hooves, "They do a wonderful hooficure, so good they sort out even your rough hooves."

"There's nothing wrong with my hooves!"

"The look cracked and worn to me."

"That's from all the landings I do."

"Don't land so hard then," I helpfully replied, "I bet you do go to the spa though."

"No I don't," she replied, a light blush showing on her cheeks, "I don't even like it!"

I smirked with delight, "How would you know if you don't like it if you've never been to the spa?"

Rainbow glared at me fiercely and clenched her teeth, "Apollo?"

"Yes, Rainbow Dash?"

"Shut Up."

She flew off before I could respond. I doubt she was actually upset, Rainbow has far thicker skin than most ponies I've met. But she probably would get me back in the future.

Somehow.

I turned back to Vinyl, "So? About those night clubs of yours. Think I can get a tour some time?"

"Sure. But not before you bring some of your banging tunes with you. Got any good ones?"

"I have lots of songs that are ideal for nightclubs and disco's."

Ahhh the 80's, the greatest decade for music.

"Can't wait, but I'd like to hear them first beforehoof."

"Sure thing."

Very soon afterwards, Pinkie finished putting the party decorations up and the putting the food out.

A lot of food.

Mostly cakes.

Good thing ponies have an extremely high tolerance to sugar.

"PARTY'S READY PONIES!"

Who needs a megaphone when you have Pinkie Pie?

All of us immediately began walking over to where the food was prepared and just as quickly began filling our plates. Twilight of course, just had to stand next to me.

How convenient.

"Apollo?" she said.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry about before. I guess I have been coming on a little too strong towards you."

I could have made some snarky remark about her saying she was just 'a little too strong', but why knock the apple out of the hand that offered it? 

Speaking of apples, I suppose I could, or should try to form a truce with Cowgirl. If only to try and form some sort of amicable relationship for when the truth of my true identity comes out. It will do eventually. 

You can't hide the truth forever.

"Don't worry about it. I guess I've been a little antagonistic in response, but please try to understand I've grown up pretty much on my own. I have no family and no friends before I came to Equestria."

Twilight seemed to look genuinely upset as soon as I said that, and placed a hoof on my shoulder, "I'd like to be your friend Apollo, genuinely. I understand if you don't want to be, but if we can't be friends....could we at least get along together?"

Again, she came across as genuine.

I suppose I could try and form an amicable relationship with Twilight too, it would help in trying to get my things back. Sort of what like Vinyl suggested.

"I suppose so."

The next instant Twilight smiled happily and gave me a hug.

Unexpected, but pleasant.

Have I said before how awesome pony hugs are?

"Thank you Apollo."

"You're welcome. By the way, have you solved the Rubik's Cube yet?"

Twilight immediately let go and began stomp her hooves, "How can anypony solve that? It's impossible!"

"I assure you it's not."

Twilight narrowed her eyes and got her nose so close it almost touched mine, "Prove it."

"OK I will. I'll come over tomorrow and show you."

"No. Not tomorrow. Now," she said taking a few steps backwards.

And with a sudden flash of her horn she teleported it in front of her and then levitated it over to me.

I took the cube into my own magic and rotated it around, examining where each colour was, all the while Twilight was not paying attention to myself, "It can't be done. Whoever invented clearly doesn't know how to make puzzle games."

"Uh huh," I replied, only half listening as I twisted and turned the cube.

"I mean," Twilight continued, "Why create a puzzle if it's impossible to solve?"

"Twilight," I said.

"It's a fruitless endeavour that will only frustrate the player."

"Twilight," I said again.

"I know what I'll do. I'll create a puzzle game myself to show how one should be made properly."

"Twilight!"

This time she looked at, looking a little like a deer in headlights.

I floated the cube into view, "I've done it."

Twilight blinked, "You've what?"

"I've completed the cube."

Twilight took the cube out of my magic and began examining it thoroughly like a jeweller would a diamond.

"I've not cheated Twilight, scan it if you don't believe me."

"I am doing.......and I can't find any signs of magical manipulation except for traces of your levitation spell."

She set the cube on the floor in front of her and then looked back up to me, "How did you do it?"

I just shrugged my shoulders, "Practice."

Suddenly and without warning, she threw herself at me.

"YOU MUST TELL ME!" she pleaded, her hooves wrapped firmly around my neck and her eyes on the brink of tears. By chance I glanced to my side and saw we had an audience.

"How long have you lot been watching?" I asked.

"Since you both started talking," Rarity replied, "I must say though, the two of you look pretty sweet together."

"WE DO NOT!" Twilight and I said simultaneously, the former having now unhugged me.

"And where the bloody hell did you come from?" I asked, glaring at her, "I don't recall seeing you come in!"

"Language Apollo!" she scolded, "Anyway, I heard there was a party at Rainbow's, and since she too is a friend of mine I asked if I could come along too."

"Well," I groaned, "This is Rainbow's place, so...her castle, her rules. All that's missing is the country hick. Hasn't she got back from Canterlot yet?"

"We don't know when she'll be back," Rarity replied, scowling at me a little.

"No doubt she'll be pleased to see me again," I said, "I wonder where she'll hit me next time."

"She won't hit you again," Rarity replied, "Unless you give her reason to."

"Fair enough, but if she hits me I will defend myself."

"Like last time?"

"I wasn't expecting last time, otherwise I would have done."

"Come on guys," Rainbow said flying in, "Let's just enjoy the party."

That's easier said than done when there's ponies around who hate you.





I was sat on my plot on a very comfy bean bag chair stuffing my face with cakes, listening to the songs being played on Rainbow's music system. Countess Coloratura I think was being played. It didn't sound too bad, though it's still far superior than anything Justin Bieber or One Direction can do. I was stuffing another mouthful of cake into my mouth when I saw Lyra approach.

"Hey Lyra."

"Hey Apollo, how's things going?" she asked as she sat on the bean bag chair.

Right next to me.

So close our fur brushed against each other.

"OK, despite certain.....issues."

"Yeah you don't need to tell me."

"I never did get the chance before to thanks you for managing to save some of my things."

"Don't worry about it, I'm just sorry I couldn't get it all."

"No need to apologise, you got what you could. I just need to get the rest from Twilight."

"Why does she have them?"

"She 'confiscated' them from the 'monster', and is trying to find out what they are. I've already offered my assistance and she refused, saying it's not my special talent, the after a short argument she dumped me outside."

"Why did she do that?"

"I told her there's nothing wrong with being wrong."

"Sheesh, she really doesn't like it when someone says something she doesn't like."

"Nope. But I'm going to see if I can get my things back by telling her a bit more about where I come from."

Lyra was about to say something but I held up my hoof to stop her, "Don't worry, I won't say anything that will reveal who I am. Though the day will come when she will find out."

I felt Lyra's hoof on my shoulder, "Well when that day comes, you can count on me to be there defending you."

"Thanks Lyra."

"Anytime Vlad," she replied, nuzzling me.

She hopped up off the chair and trotted away, probably back to Bon Bon, leaving me and the blush on my cheeks.

She's only a friend.

I was immediately joined by Pinkie.

"Hiya Apollo!"

"Hi Pinkie."

"Are you enjoying the party"

"For the most part."

Pinkie seemed to deflate a little and looked at me looking slightly upset, "Is something wrong? Are you upset?"

"Yes-no!....well....not exactly."

"What do you mean?" she asked, bouncing up and sitting right next to me.

Did you know her mane smells like strawberry bubblegum?

"I......I just miss home I guess."

"I know how you feel."

Her tone of voice was one of sincerity, like she truly knew how it feels to be far from home.

"You do?"

"Sure I do. I knew that I had to leave to fulfil my destiny, and staying on my families rock farm I wouldn't have been able to do so. I still see them, but not often."

I sighed tiredly, looking down at my hooves in sadness, "At least you still have your family. I'm an only child and both of my parents are dead."

"Are there no others in your family?"

I shook my head, "There are my grandparents on my mother's side, but neither of them want anything to do with me. They disowned my mother after she married my father."

Pinkie gasped, "Why would they do that?"

"It's complicated."

It wasn't really, but I just couldn't be bothered to go into details right now. That and it would involve long history lessons in explaining the Cold War and all it involved.

I don't know if Pinkie bought it or she just knew I wasn't feeling like giving a history lesson, either way....she didn't press for answers. Unlike certain other ponies.

"OK, but if you ever want to talk, you know I'll listen...right?"

"Sure I do," I replied smiling.

"Great!" she replied happily, hugging me gently before bouncing away, "See you around Vlad."

Wait, what?