Anon was downtrodden, figuratively and literally. He was being trampled after exiting the train to the Crystal empire. It had been a few weeks since Celestia rejected him and he just didn’t know what to do with himself. He had decided a vacation was in order and he needed to do some soul searching.
After the last filly pronked off of his head Anon got himself back up and began to stroll around the empire. His looming visage drawing the eyes of the various crystal ponies. Eventually he spotted a familiar pair of ponies in the distance. Drawn by the familiarity Anon decided his vacation would be better with some friends.
He didn’t have any friends, but he was hopeful.
As he approached the bat pony pair he was treated to a peculiar sight.
“Clarity!! I told you not to put your tongue on that pole!”
“WAH LAAHAA MA HAALARAAA.”
“Hey you two. What are you two doing in the crystal empire.”
Shadow Shield turned to the approaching human with a sigh. “Clarity is on a mandatory vacation and as with everything she does I’ve been ordered to…supervise her. What about you Anon? What are you doing here?
Looking towards the sun Anon sighed. “I’m just doing some soul searching. I figured a trip to the Crystal Empire would help me clear my mind. Plus I love the snow.”
“AHHH LAAA LA NOOOW LOOO” Lacking Clarity responded vigorously.
“Anon, I’ll be frank, if you can help me out today watching Clarity I’ll listen to your whole sob story of a life, deal?”
Pondering the proposal of the poorly mannered pony, Anon relented. It’s not as if I have anything better to do. Who knows it could be fun.
“Ok, will do. Just a second I have something for this.” Reaching into his bag Anon pulled out a water bottle and poured it on the light pole and Clarity’s tongue. Grabbing her by the waist Anon gave a tug. With a small screech Clarity was unstuck and held baby style in Anon’s arms.
“I’ll just do us both a favor and hold onto this.”
The fuzzy night Pegasus looked up at Anon, a sparkle in her golden eyes and a blush on her face. She had the tip of her tongue sticking out and her forelegs over her belly. She reminded Anon of a big fluffy cat.
Damn, why do ponies have to be so cute.
“So where to Shield?”
“Well, I’m cold so let’s get some hot chocolate.”
Looking down at the pony in his arms Anon gave Clarity’s ears a scritchy scratch, “What do you think of that Clarity?”
“M’kay…”
Shield raised an eyebrow. He had never seen Clarity be this calm and reserved before. Maybe Anon has some mysterious human mind power… I would quit the guard and wear a dress through the streets if that was the case. There is more mind power between a pair of coconuts being rubbed together.
The trio made their way to a nearby shop, Coco and Chandeliers, who comes up with these stores? Anon was convinced it was a mass pony conspiracy to sell completely unrelated items at different shops. He had always took things in stride and the strange nature of the store worked to their advantage as Clarity was too mesmerized by the hanging glittering crystal chandeliers to do anything careless or overall distracting. Afterwards they decided to go through a stroll in the crystal park.
“I swear Anon, she is a ticking timebomb, I have never seen her be this quiet ever.”
Anon scoffed, “Maybe your just a bad babysitter…guardsitter…Sergeant?” Looking down to the little nocturne Pegasus in his arms Anon had a sudden terrible thought. A thought that may just cause the world to explode. Now he couldn’t resist, the call of the void was drawing him in.
“Anon, so what is with you and the Princess anyway.”
Looking up and pushing disastrous thoughts aside, Anon recounted the tale of how he had been magically transported to Equestria. The first kind face to greet him being that of the Princess, Anon had fallen hard. He had stayed at the castle for the first few months. He went on nightly escapades with Luna pranking the nobility and stayed up to watch her sister raise the sun.
His time spend with Luna was like spending time with a sister he never had and watching Celestia raise the sun was one of the most magical experiences of his existence. Together they had shared stories of Earth and of Celestia, Luna all to happy to tease Anon and share scandalous stories of the royal childhood. It was those stories that had brought Celestia from her pedestal of Goddess and gave Anon hope for something more.
“So what in the world possessed you to sing that wretched song?”
“I don’t know it seemed like a good song, unfortunately I’m a bad singer.”
“You can say that again.”
“Yeah I guess I really su-“
WHAP!!
Anon wasn’t expecting the hoof that smacked him in the mouth.
“THE FUC-“
“ANON SHOULDN’T BE MEAN TO ANON!!”
Looking down to the little batpony in his arms Anon’s anger dissipated. A fiercely adorable pout was on her face and she was having none of his self depreciation.
Lip swelling from the swat he received Anon gave in to the temptation. It was tit for tat and Anon booped the snoot of the little pony being a poot. Her eyes crossed and her nose crinckled.
Kicking off of his chest and hovering a short distance away she blew a razzberry and flew off.
“Celestia give me strength.” Shield began to chase after Clarity. “See you around Anon, try not be a dumbass.”
Feeling cross, Anon walked over to a fountain, and began to sing.
“CAAAAAAAAAN”
With a chorus of crystal ponies this time.
“ANYBODYYY,
FIND ME,
SOMEBODY TO LOVE”
Anon Stood on the edge of the fountain, his own personal stage. Dancing and moving through the music.
“TILL THE TEARS RUN DOWN FROM MY EYES!”
A small collection of crystal guards showed up. The clanking of their metal ignored by Anon. His backup singers however started backing away. Princess Cadence followed the guards.
“Here is the source of the horrible singing Ma’am.”
“I swear I can’t take my family out for a picnic without their being some looser singing about how dumb he is.” The Princess of Love mercilessly sighed.
“CAN ANYBODY FIND ME,
SOMEONE TOooooooooooooooooo LOooooOoooOVE.”
“No Anon, your hopeless.”
With a flash of light Anon was teleported to the day court in Canterlot.
“Anon, How fair thee?”
“Luna!! But I was in the Crystal Empire!”
“Was thou singing?”
Anon blushed, “Maaaaaybee.”
“Luna can you take Anon out of court, We still have many petitioner’s left.”
“Certainly Tia, hedgerow or roses.”
“Roses Please.”
The confusion on Anon’s face was quickly replaced by Luna’s back hooves as he was bucked through a window and serendipitously went splat next to the castle’s formerly white roses.