“I'm sorry about this,” Fluttershy said patiently, planting her hooves carefully on the floor so as not to trample any of the departing guests, forming her lips into a slight pout as she ushered the last of the recalcitrant animals toward the front door, “but it is just for the rest of the day, okay? Tomorrow, everything will be back to normal, I promise.”
She leaned down, craning her neck until she was eye-level with a tiny yet fiery dormouse who was proving to be one stubborn rodent. It was only natural, Fluttershy realised, knowing how small creatures like this one were afraid to be out in the open air for too long lest they become the victims of a larger predator. Ponyville wasn't exactly teeming with birds-of-prey or the like – save the ones that she cared for – but one didn't survive long in the wild if they were willing to take stupid chances.
Fluttershy's cottage was a home-from-home for many, and their little nests were just too cosy to abandon all of a sudden, but they grudgingly did so, not quite understanding what mad impulse was pushing their usually courteous hostess to kick them out like this.
Standing at the threshold, the dormouse offered a few parting squeaks punctuated by an exasperated flailing of his tiny arms. Fluttershy felt an embarrassed blush break out across her muzzle. “Language,” she said, admonishing him with a scolding tone, glad of the fact that nopony was around to hear his embittered tirade against her. He didn't mean it, of course, he was just upset, but his tone was no less brutal for that. “Any more talk like that and I'll see to it that you'll no longer have your pick of the nuts and berries when you get back,” she added, widening her eyes just a little bit to let him know that she meant business.
Few animals dared to oppose the Stare Master.
Suitably chastised, the cheeky dormouse made an apologetic noise before scrambling out the door as quickly as his little legs could carry him. Angel Bunny watched him flee with an amused look on his face.
“Always the last to go, aren't you?” said Fluttershy warmly, embracing her stalwart companion.
Always the last, and always the most difficult to say goodbye to. He knew Fluttershy better than anypony – perhaps better than her closest pony friends – but even he didn't know what these odd moods meant; the alarming levels of secrecy involved were a source of puzzlement to him, and he desperately wished that she would offer him some kind of explanation. Perhaps she didn't want him to worry? Worry was exactly what he did, however, even though he and the other animals would always return the next day with everything as it was.
Such was his respect for her that, despite how much he ached to do so, Angel always complied with Fluttershy's request not to come sneaking back into the house to find out. She had promised him that it was nothing dangerous, merely unusual, and that it was best accomplished in solitude.
“You be a good bunny, okay?” she said, nuzzling her cheek affectionately against the top of Angel's head, letting loose a soft but hearty giggle as his long ears tickled under her chin. “And I'll see you in the morning.”
The rabbit responded with a sullen look which suggested that being good was the opposite of what he had in mind, but Fluttershy merely smiled gently at him, knowing that he didn't mean it; as cantankerous and as troublesome as he could be, he was not misnamed: Angel Bunny had a heart of solid gold and he would look out for the other animals during this short period of exile from the cottage while she tended to her arcane ritual. For whatever reason, she could not or would not expose others to this side of her, and it was his job to see to it that her seclusion was not disrupted for the duration. His expression quickly softened and his eyes began to water. As much as he was able to, he threw his arms around Fluttershy's neck, hoping that he would not be parted from her warmth for too long.
When at last the bunny was gone, Fluttershy released the breath that she didn't even realise she was holding in and twisted her neck until she was able to see her own cutie mark; there was nothing particularly special about it – three bright blue butterflies with pink wings – save that it was hers, and that, more so than seemed to be the case with most ponies, it had some kind of hold on her. Though she tried her best, she couldn't even recall when it had first begun.
Shaking her head, she headed upstairs and ran a bath despite the fact that she'd showered earlier in the day in preparation for her meeting with … oh, no.
Rarity. Fluttershy padded into the hall and looked at the cuckoo clock hanging there; she was supposed to be meeting her friend for lunch in about ten minutes, and there was no time to get a message to her to cancel. She should've sent Angel Bunny with a note, but she'd been so wrapped up in shooing the animals and tidying up after Harry's little episode that the appointment had completely slipped her mind until now.
For just the briefest of moments, she considered leaving the cottage and going to Rarity, but every nerve in her body screamed otherwise. Fluttershy shut her eyes tightly, wishing for the millionth time that she could be free of this, whatever this was. She simply settled for hoping that Rarity would be understanding about her non-appearance.
These urges, as she had taken to calling the forces which gripped her body in these moments, could only be controlled – ignored – for a short time before they began to dominate her every waking moment. Crying out for attention until she acquiesced and gave them what they wanted. What this was all leading to, if anything, she had no idea, but she doubted that it was just some random act of cutie mark magic designed to make her life miserable. There had to be some purpose behind it?
Didn't there?
None of the books in the library about cutie marks in particular or magic in general had yielded much in the way of results; she'd considered the possibility of talking to Twilight Sparkle about it, but the newest Equestrian princess had so much on her plate at the moment between the castle, the new title, and the events of the mirror world that it seemed wrong to burden her with one more thing to worry about. Her other friends, well … they were all lovely ponies in their own way, and they would doubtless be sympathetic, but she didn't want their pity. If they couldn't even understand the problem that she was presenting them with, how could they possibly hope to help her with it? No. It was simply something that she had to sort out on her own.
In a way, she was glad about Harry's fevered outburst; not because of the illness itself or the effect it had on the poor bear's equanimity, but there were numerous small repairs and modifications that needed to be made to make the cottage more convivial for her other animals, and now they could be carried out in the wake of the minor carnage he had caused. Plus, having the rooms tidied and everything within neatly ordered helped to create the sort of meditative atmosphere that she was looking for. With the windows and doors sealed – though the deadbolt for the front door had been one of Harry's unfortunate victims – Fluttershy returned to the bathroom and her tub full of clear, lukewarm water.
As always, when she got to this stage, she felt much of her apprehension beginning to dissipate and her breathing became much less laboured; whether it was because of her cutie mark or because she now had a rough idea of what was to come, Fluttershy couldn't quite say, but she simply surrendered herself to what it wanted. In some strange way, she knew that she didn't matter any more and that she was merely a conduit for something that did matter.
She dipped a toe into the water and found it pleasant enough; soon enough, she scrambled awkwardly inside the tub and allowed herself to float on the surface for a moment. The bath was big enough to comfortably hold three average-sized ponies – though she knew it was unlikely that she'd ever get to find out if that was really true or not – and she allowed her body to stretch out, to relax. Even at full stretch, her legs didn't quite touch the sides.
Her damp wings unfurled, fluttering a couple of times and sending ripples of water cascading over the side.
Well, this is it. Here I am. Do what you will. I just wish you'd tell me what it is that you really want.
Her head sank under the water, but she kept her eyes open the entire time; she could see the wooden ceiling above her, though it had taken on a wavy, mottled appearance as the water flowed hither and thither. Tepid liquid pressed against every inch of her body, but she felt no fear as it surrounded her. Only once had she been afraid, that first time, when she hadn't known what to expect.
She was better prepared now.
Before she even knew what was happening, Fluttershy found herself occupying two places at once; bodily, she was floating in a tub of water, but spiritually … she was elsewhere.
It was pointless to try and describe it; it was somewhere, yet it was nowhere. It existed, but it wasn't possible for it to exist. It was everything and nothing all at once.
Whatever it was, it was responsible for her.
Everything that she was, everything that was important, it stemmed from this place.
For a moment, she understood it all.
Suddenly, she felt her head jerk and she was wrenched violently from wherever it was; a pair of concerned-looking blue eyes looked down at her, and it took Fluttershy a moment to realise that Rarity was holding her, saying something in a calm-but-anxious voice.
“Rarity,” Fluttershy said when she had recovered sufficiently to speak, trying to wiggle herself free from her friend's tenacious grasp, “what are you doing here?”