Texas watched as Grif brought regular supplies of unusual - and frankly impossible - resources to Red Base, occasionally detouring to give Maud odd globes that she eagerly snatched up to snuggle briefly before making them vanish. Despite her best attempts, Texas had been unable to locate the 'mine' Grif claimed to be getting all of these from, or identify most of what he hauled out as real materials. ...she had to admit that the snacks he made from those mining attempts were quite delicious, somehow.
On the other side of the Base, Simmons seemed to be performing drunk gardening. While Sarge apparently didn't normally approve of being drunk on duty, Simmons was somehow able to grow unnatural and impossible plants while drunk - not to mention having somehow distilled something unique from Valentine's flowers - so he was given special permission to be drunk while gardening. His singing would have been prohibited, but it encouraged plant growth even as it drove away people with how bad it was...so Sarge had added it to his list of 'things to weaponize' instead.
Sarge could be seen in Red Base, working hard on something incongruous with Donut trying to help. Lopez was standing next to Texas and Maud, watching in confusion.
<"I am unable to understand the science behind these new weapon designs that my team is building,"> he stated in Spanish. <"I am an engineering robot. How is this possible?">
"Probably because as a robot and a Dumb AI, you can only think logically," Texas observed calmly. "The longer you hang out with these idiots, the more adjusted you'll get, and things will start to make sense again."
<"You...you can understand me?"> Lopez asked hopefully.
"No. Just as a logic driven Dumb AI, you're very predictable as far as what you'll say in what situation," Texas corrected easily.
<"You can't be serious.">
"Or I might just be messing with you."
<"...I loath you with every servo.">
"See? You're starting to fit in already."
<"Makers forbid.">
"And these idiots are your makers."
<"I no longer have any desire to take action here. Someone take me now."> Lopez suddenly jerked and twisted, a brief image overshadowing him. <"Thanks for the loan!"> Church declared happily...in Spanish. <"Oh, what the fudge? Seriously? I speak English! Why can't I make the robot speak English?">
"Because Maud wants it to speak Spanish," Texas replied readily. "Was wondering when you'd join us again."
"Hi Dad," Maud greeted, a soft smile on her face.
<"So you do speak Spanish!"> Church insisted as he reached over to pet Maud.
"Or I know you so well that you're very predictable and I know what you're going to say," Texas countered playfully.
<"Now you're just screwing with me.">
"The only way I can, given your present lack of equipment."
Church turned Lopez' body to stare at her. Had he a jaw, Texas knew it would be hanging. <"Son of a goat-sucking donkey doodle cockbite horse! I'm going to strangle Caboose!">
"Cock bite?" Maud asked curiously. "...do roosters have teeth?"
"Well, 'powdered hens teeth' is a magical ingredient in some of my favorite fantasy novels," Texas pointed out. "And roosters are male chickens...so no, roosters probably don't have teeth. That's why the hens are in charge."
<"Huh?"> Church demanded in confusion.
"The roosters are all hen-pecked."
Maud turned that over in her mind for a time. "I don't think I like puns," she observed thoughtfully.
Church groaned as he shook his head. <"Are you seriously getting paid in 'love and snuggles' for this job, Texas?">
"No, Maud took that as the offer," Texas corrected. "I'm 'being paid' to look after her, whatever she chooses to do."
<"And you're fine with her accepting that as payment?">
"Not my problem. Besides, I'm curious about the results of the Reds' experiments."
<"You actually think they can weaponize love and snuggles?">
"Something about this canyon has caused the normal laws of physics to cease to function normally," Texas explained calmly. "Grif has brought back several tons worth of material from his mine...but deep scans don't show enough negative space differential within the canyon to allow for him to have taken that much out. Not to mention his mine itself doesn't show up on those scans. Simmons, while drunk, can grow plants that shouldn't be possible to exist. One of them was even singing."
<"I just hope it wasn't about being fed blood or meat,"> Church avowed with a shiver.
"Actually, it was about magic using, kung-fu fighting ponies," Texas corrected. "At least it was until I approached. Since then it's been singing 'Girlfriend' by Avril Lavigne."
<"O...kay...">
"None of this is bound by physics as we know it," Texas continued. "Now, it's easy enough to shrug it all off as a result of Maud...but the Reds and Blues here have been able to use it. Grif has made functional weapons that are stronger than standard issue through 'crafting' what he mines. And after seeing Grif and Tucker fight a few times...these guys are all idiots, but they're dangerously competent idiots. And that competency expresses itself in...strange ways. I'm genuinely curious what they can do when they're given proper motivation."
<"And fighting over Maud is proper motivation?"> Church asked dryly.
"Fighting over a girl has always driven impressive results," Texas explained calmly.
"NO!" Sarge suddenly shouted at Donut. "We are not turning the Snuggles'n'Love Anti-Blue Violence Engine into a belly laser!"
"While that still needs a new acronym," Donut observed idly, "I don't see why we can't! It's the proven method for weaponized love."
"We are not basing weapon design off the dam Care Bears!"
"But I like belly lasers-"
"Yuga was dam useless and you know it!"
"...I liked him..."
"Why? Because you wish you could be that pretty if you tried?"
"That, and I like the idea of being able to spread love by pelvic thrusting."
Silence reigned over the canyon for a time. "GET BACK TO SABOTAGE DUTY!" Sarge ordered loudly.
"Though I've never seen results be this strange," Texas admitted ruefully.
"This will be fun," Maud observed dryly.