//------------------------------// // Swarm of the Century // Story: Revisiting Lessons // by Grey Rebl //------------------------------// “The Church of Harmony…” Hovering in her magical grip, the silver medallion shined as Princess Luna’s eyes traced its surface, from the caricature of the sun hidden behind a crystalline tree to the gems embedded in its branches. A perfect copy from my mind. “Since their founding over a thousand years ago, they’ve grown into an iconic symbol of harmony. Particularly, Pilgrims are unique individuals with unique talents, exemplifying the height of pony achievement. And it seems some of them had gone overzealous...” The medallion turned in place. In its flat side, the reflection of gray eyes—my eyes—stared back. “And to receive this medallion, this ‘invitation’, is a great honor among them. And thou threw it back?” Luna chuckled, relinquishing the medallion as it fade into specks of light, forgotten. A cupcake floated to her watery lips in its place. “Outrageous as ever, we see.” Of all the dream foods in my arsenal, cupcakes captured Luna’s taste. Unlike Twilight, who ate with the precision of a child, Luna nibbled with the grace of royalty. “To think all this happened because thou lack a cutie mark... We admit, it is uncanny. Never before have we seen a grown pony without one. Rumors even reached all the way to the Church in the castle.” A mischievous smile graced her muzzle. “Something about a ‘markless living statue,' we believe.” I grunted. “What am I? A myth?” “Thou have our sympathy.” Luna winked. “Though, we welcome thy company in the hall of fairy tales. Oh. And by the way? Check.” On the table laid an ongoing game of chess, me on white and Luna on black. She had spent most of her turn savoring her cupcake—no doubt the taste of victory. I was losing terribly, half of my pawns, bishops and knights destroyed. Now, with my king exposed, I’m at the brink of annihilation. Outwitted by a cartoon horse no less… The surrealism certainly hit me. “We art aware their gospel told of our return,” Luna continued. “We too knoweth of divination; However, to see into a thousand years with any clarity requires an astounding aptitude…or perhaps a wise mind.” In a single move—I winced—Luna demolished my rook, toppling my carefully laid defense. Another nibble, another swallow. "But we heard they revised their prophecies, as if something nullified their divinations altogether. Now, the Church liveth in uncertainty.” “And they’ll feel threatened...” I muttered, scanning the board. “...and when threatened, the particularly special idiots will strike with autistic fury.” Finally, I sighed, tossing away all thoughts of defense and charged my pieces to their deaths in hopes of reaching her king before she reached mine. With deft counters of her pawns, Luna thwarted my invasion in swift order. “Thou speaketh with experience?” “I...joined a similar herd once. Although, us being a religious cult was more for laughs.” A pause. “Or was it...?” “Interesting…” Luna’s wing dabbed the icing off her lips, her eyes trailing aside. “Does it explain Anon’s behaviour tonight?” I followed her gaze. Garbed in rattling chainmail and red crosses woven into the chest and flank, a green filly waved a flag of a blue shield over a crimson background—the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ logo. “Deus Vult! Deus Vult!” Around and around Filly Anon marched to the beat of her voice, from my side to Luna’s, then back to me and repeat as her innocent, emerald eyes sparkled of religious genocide. “Deus Vult! Deus Vult!” Anon abruptly spun mid-step and stabbed the pole toward my face. “Bitch!” she snarled, “why aren’t you ‘Deus Vult-ing?!’” I inhaled, a shameful wing over my face. Maybe enabling dream autonomy was a bad idea... “Can we—can we lower the autism, Anon?” I pleaded. “I’m trying to have a conversation here.” “No!” Anon squeaked, pacing back and forth. “Pony Jerusalem is ours—and no false church shall claim it before us! For we are the originals! For our memes are superior! For our holy Cutie Mark Crusade, our cutiemark-ism, accomplished far more than they’ll ever hope to!” “Cutiemark-ism phonetically sounds like communism,” I deadpanned. “Irrelevant!” Her hoof clanked as she booped my nose. “As per the First Commandment: Thou shall love thine own ass!” “Fuck no.” “Fuck yes!” “No.” “Yes!” I swatted her hoof away. “No. And muted.” “You can not silence God’s will—!” And then, sweet silence. Anon’s mouth flapped, but not a sound came. Realizing this, she stomped her hooves, gestured her flag, and shimmered her puppy eyes to communicate unspeakable fury… She could be gushing over lollipops and butterflies for all we knew. “Awww. We see why you keep her around.” A melodious giggle escaped Luna. “She’s so adorable~!” Anon instantly scrunched with rosy cheeks and snarled, taking it out on me with spiteful swings of the flagpole. It was not very effective. Luna chuckled. But eventually, mirth gave way to seriousness. “Our sister received thy letters. The offenders described shall be no trouble once she frees her hooves.” She hesitated. “Hopefully.” My brow raised. “‘Hopefully?’” “We are...unfamiliar with these ‘rule of law’ and ‘due process.’ There is just, just so much...” Luna shuddered, voice haunted by the name of the most sinister of entities: “Bureaucracy. How our sister could tolerate such paperwork baffles us!” Even in another world, paperwork remained the bane of sapient beings. As an office worker in a previous life, I understood well enough to pity her. I smiled thinly. Fight well, Hime-ojou-sama. “Already, we miss the old ways…” Luna’s expression turned complicated. “Although, was there anything we should know about in thy letters? When Celestia read them, she seemed...disturbed.” I blinked. “No… Not that I know of. How is she by the way?” “As always: Busy,” Luna grumbled. “Now that we are well, our return to the throne is her priority. The ceremony, the audience—many formalities had to be planned. Sweet-talking the nobles so that it shall go smoothly took her time.” I frowned. That didn’t seem right... “I thought by now you’d be back in power.” Luna coughed, tapping her horse shoe tips together like how a nervous schoolgirl would, and sheepishly smiled. “W-well. Funny story about that... Remember the dragon incident? We, um, had an argument with our sister for fooling us that day… And there were—perhaps, probably—guests present. Haha...” She laughed it off, but there was no mistaking the red-tinted embarrassment on her face. “Seems they still remember it like yesterday’s sore...with never ending complaints.” I just stared. Should I be disappointed or laugh? Luna winced from my silence. “It was unbecoming of us, we know! It may even delay thy justice. We tried to convince sister to mind thy plight first and foremost, but the recrowning takes priority. Information apparently travels swiftly in this age...and letting the nobles tarnish our reputation would be disastrous.” Guiltily, she glanced away. “We...we are sorry.” “Hey, I get it.” I waved a hoof. “You both waited over a thousand years. I can wait a few days.” “N-nay!” Luna slammed the table and the chessboard shuddered. “This is unacceptable! If it were not for our recklessness, we would already be back in power, bashing down all the doors of Equestria with whatever might the Royal Guard has to spare to find those zealots!” “Uh…no.” I calmly shifted the chess pieces back in place. Something told me she wasn’t exaggerating. “I’m touched and all, but that’s extreme.” “Doth thou have any sense of urgency?! Thou were almost abducted!” “Does bureaucracy care?” I countered. “Equestria has gotten bigger in the past millennia. There are entire communities with their own problems, and I’m just one guy. I gotta wait in line like everyone else.” “But thou art no stranger.” “With all due respect, Your Majesty, the law plays no favorites.” Luna steeled her gaze, and I met it unflappably. After a breath... Two breaths... She sighed. “We swear. Thou sound just like our sister… Speaking of whom, she'll be visiting Ponyville, yes? Perhaps by then she’ll come forth with answers.” “...Yeah.” ‘Swarm of the Century’ begins tomorrow. The Mane 6 will prepare for Princess Celestia’s visit only to later fend off a parasprite swarm. For Celestia’s reply, her arrival at the end of the episode will be the best time, baring no hindrance to Twilight’s friendship lesson. Rubbing my forehead, I stared back at the chessboard, but no matter what, checkmate was one move away. Enemy rooks occupied the rear, a phalanx of pawns took the front, and a queen and knight aimed to kill. My king’s fate was sealed. With a resigned frown, I moved a random piece and awaited defeat. “Too prideful to surrender, we see.” Luna smirked, enjoying an indulgent bite of her cupcake. A black queen glowed and... “Checkmate.” Game over. I exhaled and slumped on my seat, yet I couldn’t find it in myself to feel dissatisfied. In fact, I felt the opposite. Since the moment Princess Luna took her first bite of her cupcake, her eyes visibly sparkled to a childish side even now as she ate, glowing each time she tasted ‘victory’. To the cream splashed from ear to fuzzy ear, to the frost smeared across her fluffy cheeks… Naturally, with a straight face, I carved my true prize into my mind. Itadakimasu, Kek-sama. “There’s one more thing we would like to ask,” Luna said. “H-huh? Oh.” Snapping out of my reverie, I nodded. “Shoot.” Luna’s brows furrowed, blunt and serious. “Why, of all things, seek an audience with the Priest? From what we understand, thou wish to cooperate, but after being forcibly coerced into their religion? We thought thee would avoid them.” Heh. I wondered that myself. In that stormy night, the Pilgrims mentioned a Priest who gave their mission to ‘retrieve’ me. By all rights, I should’ve reported it to Celestia and jail the fucker, consequences to the timeline be damned. Even without proof, I could’ve casted enough spotlight for Celestia or Luna to find incriminating evidence on their own. But I didn’t. I said nothing about it, not in the letters, not even to Luna. “Why” indeed. This world was meant to indulge my nostalgia, to repeat the fun, to revive the memes, to relive the old days… But the Church of Harmony? Were they included? “Maybe I’m curious. Maybe I’m bored.” Leaning on the table, staring out into the mindscape, into the white horizons… I saw nothing. “Or maybe I’m sick and tired of half-assed closure. I want the full story. Talk like adults.” I wanted to see where it’ll go without hindrance. Death said it himself: no perfect copy, everything is unique. It’s selfish, stupid even, but to let it end without knowing anything would be a damn pity. May as well enjoy it. And if I mess up, well… I looked at the chessboard; There can always be another round. Luna stared for a while longer before sighing. “...Just be careful, friend. The Pilgrims are honorably named for their dedication. Alone, they are like normal ponies. But together, they can be much, much more. Whatever the few radicals may do, it could snowball into chaos.” “Heh.” My gaze trailed to the side. Ethereal chains and locks drew my eyes from knob to frame, swimming and skipping around the door where my human memories, brony memories, frolicked beyond. “Don’t I know it.” For the rest of the night, Anon kept bashing me with the Crusader’s banner. Revisiting Lessons: Chapter 11 Season 1. Ep 10 Swarm of the Century “Are the banners corrected?” Pegasi saluted, hovering over the words ‘Welcome, Princess Celestia!’. “Check! Are the tables neat and tidy?” Some ponies nodded and smiled, showing off the orderliness of the tables, plates, and cutlery. “Good, good… Tori, check off that one, too!” Twilight pacing past the crowd, a keen eye on their progress. “Okay—just… ugh!” Wobbling behind, I fumbled with the clipboard in my wings, trying to mark it with a pen in my lips. “Shlow downsh!” “No fooling around!” Twilight said. “We’re almost at Carousel Boutique.” “Yeah, yeah—” I secured the clipboard and quill under my wing just in time to dodge a pair of giggling fillies. “Woah. Getting too excited there.” “Excited?” She didn’t turn around. “Excited doesn’t even begin! I haven’t seen Princess Celestia since moving to Ponyville!” “Still,” I eyed the bustling ponies, “Spike was right. Isn’t this a bit much for a ‘casual’ visit?” “That’s just it: Princesses don’t do casual!” Twilight’s ears twitched as she trotted faster, staring dead ahead. “A visit from royalty is a great honor, especially for rural communities like Ponyville. And to shirk off the bar would not only be irresponsible, but disrespectful to the Princess. ‘Casual’ could mean something different in the princess language!” I looked dully at her. “...Really? Princess language?” “Yes! Like a teacher to a surprise test!” She blinked, trailing off. “And it’s for a grade...” “...I’m sure Celestia—” “Princess Celestia.” “—Princess Celestia is just trying to establish common ground. She can forgive some...relaxation.” Twilight gasped and a strand of her mane shot up. “What if she thinks I’ve gotten lazy, slacking off away from her supervision?!” “Aaand now you’ve gone left field.” I rolled my eyes. “Look, she won’t think badly of you. It doesn’t take a Rosetta Stone to know that you’re her friend, too.” Twilight stumbled midstep. “...F-friend?” A familiar word with a different flavor, but any chance of self reflection broke with a shake of her head. “Nevermind! That’s why I have these!” She magically flashed a stack of cards—flashcards—and, with them, exuded an aura of confidence. “Anything I want or need to say, along with replies to the princess’s possible inquiries, are prepared right here!” I stared at the flashcards, suddenly feeling conscious of mine in my saddlebag. “Are you...taking that with you to the princess?” Twilight laughed airily. “What? Of course not!” Her eyes narrowed. “I’m going to study them.” “Uh...” I gave her a look. “Okaaay… Whatever floats your boat.” Then, something chirped by, and I glanced as a bright yellow ball hovered over Twilight’s head. Huge eyes shined and insectoid wings buzzed as it wafted in circles like a gentle fairy. The parasprite nestled into Twilight’s mane—and the pony giggled, pacified instantly. I frowned. Finally, we arrived. Carousel Boutique stood glamorously under the sun, its roof glowing like brilliant silver. A lavender fragrance wafted from inside as we trotted to the entrance, welcomed warmly by the gentle, curvaceous lettering of the ‘OPEN’ sign. When we entered, Twilight blinked and suppressed a snort. There, on a mini-fashion stage, wings twitching along noble clothes and hooves fidgeting in golden accents, Rainbow Dash squirmed under the most ridiculous wig ever: a structure of flamboyant curls almost as tall as herself. Rarity was frowning. Measurements, colors, aesthetics—all of this the fashionista fretted with narrowed eyes and pins in her teeth. Even when the doorbell sang, her concentration never waned as her back kept toward us. But by our nearing hoofsteps, her ears flickered and she turned. She lit up upon seeing us. “Oh!” Rarity pleasantly smiled. “Why Twilight darling, hello there! And to you as well Tuto—” She stiffened. “O-oh…oh my. What...what is that you are wearing?” “Huh?” I dumbly blinked once, then twice in realization. I felt over the cloth wrapped around my forehead with a wing. “Oh, this?” It couldn’t be helped. Until my hair grows out, I needed something to cover my nasty scar to keep the skittish ponies from running every time they see me. It’s too windy out to wear my fedora, so I fashioned my hobo scarf into an improvised bandana—an abomination to the eyes of fashion. “You know my...situation.” Rarity bit her lip. “Still…” Free from Rarity‘s scrutiny, Rainbow Dash took to the air and stretched her wings. “You look like one of those wannabe gangsters from Cloudsdale,” she commented with a smirk. “I’ll have you know that I didn’t choose the thug lyfe,” I said. “Thug lyfe chose me.” “Pfft! Ever always the weirdo, Weirdo.” I snorted, looking up and down at her ridiculous get up. “Fuck you, too, Madam Skittles.” “At least I don’t dress ridiculously by my own free will!” Rainbow theatrically flipped her bangs. “With me, I got style—w-whoah!” she yelped, almost keeling over from the wig’s weight. “Oh? As in,” I crossed my eyes and said with the most obnoxious feminine voice, “‘always dresses in style?’” Rainbow cringed so hard her wings wrinkled mid-flight. “Ugh! Dude. Not cool. Why’d you make it sound so weird?!” Good to know G4 Rainbow Dash despises her G3 self, even from another universe. “Nevermind that,” Twilight said, eyes mirroring the colors of the mannequins in display. “These outfits look gorgeous!” “Oh, darling, you are too kind! They’re doing fabulously, I must say.” Rarity turned to Rainbow with an amused smile. “And I’m sure you will be as well. ‘Dressing in style’, yes?” Rainbow gagged, only to squeak when Rarity tightened the corset, dragging her back down to earth. The pegasus glared at the unicorn, who giggled and innocently looked away. Suddenly, a melodical trio of chirps resonated in the room, and Rarity and Rainbow perked up, turning toward the source. There, hopping out of Twilight’s mane, not one, not two, but three parasprites now sat along her flank. “My word… Such a sweet sound!” Then, one hopped onto Rarity’s mane and chirped. She swooned. “And so adorable!” Rainbow whistled and floated close, curious eyes locked into one in particular. “Been hearing about these little guys. What are they?” “I don’t know, but they keep appearing out of nowhere,” Twilight said, forehead creased in thought. “The town is now chirping with the little things.” But seeing her’s nestling back into her mane, she relaxed and smiled. “Not that I mind.” “I can take one off your hooves,” Rarity said, giggling as her parasprite ticked her forehead. “It’ll be my pleasure.” Rainbow swooped in and snatched one along her hooves. “Hehe! Dibs on the blue one!” And so, the three cooed and cuddled their respective parasprites, taking their sweet time nuzzling their fuzzy furs… Perhaps for too long. I just stood there, waiting, watching like the forgotten seventh wheel of a triple date. Again. Kek damn, that time was traumatic... Twilight noticed my staring and smirked. “Want one?” she teased, giving the parasprite in her hair a slight bounce. “We could find one around town for you to keep.” “Pass,” I waved a hoof, “I already sold my soul to...other adorable overlords.” “Oh, come on!” Twilight giggled and playfully pressed cheeks with the mewling fuzzball. Together, they gave me a precious look. “How can there be anything cuter than this?” I blankly gazed past her. Rarity squee’d into giggling fits, giving her parasprite a snuggle as squishy as a marshmallow. Above, Rainbow Dash prodded her parasprite like a kitten to a yarn ball, smittened by its soft, blissful touch until it decided to land on her nose. She went cross-eyed and sneezed. Finally, I looked back at Twilight. From the puppy eyes twinkling like stars to the adorable pout across her tender snout, the unicorn of fluff and sparkles, lavender and small, held a captivating gaze that wavered my cold, cold soul. “...You’d be surprised.” “How are the Cake couple by the way?” Rarity asked, touching noses with her parasprite. “I hear they’re chosen to cook the pastries. Celestia knows stress doesn’t do well for one’s complexion. And she’s visiting!” Twilight stiffened. I rubbed my neck. “Oh. Them?” The Cakes just stared, and I along with them. They drip in cold sweat, gulping. And I just dispassionately blinked on with measured breaths. Standing by the counter, we watched as a little parasprite volunteered to taste-test the food. “I can fix this!” Twilight yelled, chasing the little thing with her horn aglow. ...She clumsily crashed into the tables, now upside down. “Totally fixing this!” The parasprite inhaled the foodstuff with inexplicable volume and velocity, tearing through freshly baked goods several times its own size like there’s no tomorrow. Gluttony incarnate had arisen, and the cute fucker knew no satisfaction. Not even a crumb was spared. “I-I… I think I’m going to…” Mrs. Cake wheezed. “O-oh goodness… Dear, hold me—!” She fainted right onto Mr. Cake’s side, who stumbled and fell with a yelp. “C-Cup Cake?! Speak to me, honey!” Mr. Cake cried. I sighed, facehoofing. “...they’ll manage.” “U-um, yes! Of course!” Twilight chuckled nervously. “I mean, why wouldn’t they?” Stiffly, she smiled. “A-anyways, has anypony seen Fluttershy? I would like to ask her about these creatures,” she said, shrugging her mane that housed her new pet. “If anypony knows, it’s her.” “Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash frowned. “She’s out sick. Can’t do anything today.” She mumbled under her breath, “And she’s not the only one…” Rarity gasped, a hoof over her mouth. “Oh, dear... Is she alright?” “She’s been better. With all the animals hibernating, she‘ll be busy. You should’ve seen it: her room was a freaking mess! You could even hear mice in her closet, but knowing her, they’ve always been there.” I inwardly grimace and looked away, pretending to admire the outfits. But then... Something caught my eye. It was narrow and round, pristine with a silver shine, just laying on a desk. Although it blended with the background like an afterthought, I stared at the clarinet. “What about Pinkie?” “Oh, yeah. Tori’s right,” Twilight said, nodding. “Where is she? I thought she’ll be helping out in Sugarcube Corner, but we didn’t see her.” “Goodness! I’m surprised you haven’t,” Rarity said. “She’s been making quite a ruckus, going on about the ‘end of Ponyville as we know it.’ Just wander around town, and you're bound to encounter her at least once. Everypony has so far.” She sighed in exasperation. “Such a drama queen.” “Rich coming from you,” Rainbow Dash snarked and rolled her eyes—as did the blue parasprite but with its entire body. “But it’s just Pinkie being Pinkie. No biggie.” “She’s been otherwise unhelpful with the preparations,” Rarity grumbled. “Honestly, it’s gotten tiresome. Even now, she’s still going on with that bizarre story of Tutorial’s abduction.” Rainbow snickered. “Heh! Tell me about it—” Her eyes widened. “Wait, what?” “I have to agree,” Twilight said with a frown, rubbing her forehead. “While less ridiculous than the other...creative rumors, it's still, well, ridiculous!” Wings stuttering, Rainbow balked. “You mean, nopony believed us?!” “After clearing the rumors with Zecora?” Rarity said. “Of course not.” She raised an unamused brow. “Although, I keep hearing you’ve been spouting the same thing.” “But it's true! Ponies really did try to ponynap him!” “Sorry, Rainbow.” Twilight shook her head disapprovingly. “It’s been fun with you and Pinkie, but we’ve heard enough. It’s over. Maybe Tutorial doesn’t care, but he’s been subjected to these rumors for far too long. Please, let him have this.” “B-but—!” “But if you really insist,” Rarity then suggest, “why not let Tutorial be the judge?” And so, everyone turned with pointed gazes at...nothing. “H-huh?” Twilight blinked, glancing around in confusion. “Where’d he go?” Citizens trotted by with occupied hooves, contributing to the preparations with a nervousness only a tightly-knit community understood. The occasional pony would look curiously at my shoddy bandana, but I paid them no mind. Ponyville was particularly alive today. So lively and warm and upbeat… I took it all in as I trotted into the heart of town and just…listened. A group of foals scampered along a path parallel to mine. I cocked a brow, recognizing them. “How many times am Ah gonna tell ya,” Apple Bloom said, “Tutorial ain’t a ninja—and neither a zombie!” “But it’s true, though!” Snips insisted. “He even said so himself.” “Ah’m pretty sure he’s just pullin’ your apples.” “H-he wouldn’t!” But then Snips hesitated, looking at Snails. “...would he?” Snails just shrug. Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “What’s up with ya’ll and ninjas? Besides, Pirates are cooler.” As if her words were thunder, Snips and Snails gasped. “Y-you don’t like ninjas?!” Snips stuttered. Snails was shook. “Blastpenny!” “That ain’t even a word!” Apple Bloom shook her head. “Y’know what? Never mind. Point is that pirates are the best. Ain’t that right, Twist?” Twist flashed a toothy grin past her thick, purple glasses. “Athually, I’m more ofth a ninja loverth myselfth.” “What?! B-but...!” Apple Bloom gaped before glaring. “You traitor!” None of them saw me, a tree obscuring line of sight, and they passed by without even blinking. So did I, a ghostly smile on my face. Ponies are cute. Always had been. But it got me thinking... The Brony Fandom was strange, gathering strangers from all across the globe with even stranger ideas. North America, Eurasia, Australia… It didn’t matter what the origins—it was all for the sake of our cute and cuddly pony overlords. Someway, somehow, bronies would do the darndest of things together. I mean, since when the hell were conventions dedicated solely to ponies the sanest of ideas? And then BronyCon happened. Welcome banners and silky ribbons lined the front of Town Hall from the tree trunks to the grounded poles, popping with passion. Aloe and Lotus Blossom, the twin spa ponies of alternating pink and blue, spoke by the tables while delicately and precisely folding napkins. On the tables, napkin origami decorated the platter scheme. “I heard Snips has an older brother,” Aloe said, a parasprite bouncing blissfully over her head. “Has a matching mane even—just like us!” Lotus hummed, gently petting her parasprite who calmly received. “Are you sure? Where did you hear about this?” “Oh, you know. A customer’s friend’s daughter’s best friend’s aunt... Something like that.” “Aloe!” Lotus chastised. “The gossiping got out of hoof, remember? And Zecora was such a pleasant fellow... To be among different cultures, far from home… We know how that’s like.” Aloe’s brows furrowed under her towel bandana. “What about Tutorial’s ponynapping? Doesn’t that seem too serious to be a rumor?” “He’s still here, is he not?” Lotus hummed thoughtfully. “Shame we’ve still yet to learn much about him, let alone meet.” “Oh!” Aloe gasp and pointed. “And I think I see him right there!” Lotus instantly followed her hoof. “Really? Where?” But their voices already faded into the choir as I seamlessly meshed into the crowd of colors, leaving the two sisters wondering where I went. I suppose when it's fundamentally grown-ass men being fanatics of cartoon ponies, nothing seemed as absurd or impossible anymore. And all it would take was a stellar presentation and a bunch of people dumb enough to listen. In the western side of town, restaurants clustered in awkward competition, and among them, the succulent scent of salt, oil, and fries enticed me as I passed by. I could see the golden-brown lines themselves, leaving a trail toward a particular Hayburger joint… Beyond the window glass in display, a picture frame held Twilight’s proud ketchup-stained smile and golden letters written below, “Winner of Monthly Food Challenge.” “Tear Drops!” “Octopus!” And outdoors in front of the picture frame, three ponies sat by a table. The first was Bon Bon, glaring and growling. “Snooty Snoot!” The second pony—with a neat mane of black and a pristine coat of gray, an aura as classy as orchestra and a cello case leaning by her side—shot a frigid gaze in kind. “Foul Candy!” And thirdly, nervously looking between the two, Lyra strained a smile. “H-hey now. We’re just here to have lunch in a nice afternoon. Calm down.” The gray mare scowled coldy, her gaze acknowledging Lyra for a split second before seething back at—she blinked. She looked at the minty green pony again, this time befuddled. “Excuse me, but...who are you?” “W-what?” Lyra reared back, looking hurt. “It's me! Lyra! Back in Canterlot Concert School?” The gray mare just stared dully. With a betrayed look, Lyra continued, “Y-y’know? Middle row two seats away? Almost broke the strings doing a guitar solo with a lyre?” “...Doesn’t ring a bell.” “Oh, come on! Octy, don’t you remember your own classmat—?!” “Hmmph! It is Octavia. And I’d very much prefer that you don’t call me by that nickname again.” She straightened her pink bowtie. “Ever.” “O-oh, um...” Lyra smiled weakly. “You...haven’t changed a bit.” “There’s no changing that nose up in the sky,” Bon Bon said. She narrowed her eyes, leaning threateningly over the table. “Just what are you doing here? Aren’t you ‘busy’ around this time?” Octavia’s lip twitched. “Can’t a mare have a break?” “Oh, please! I doubt you even sleep!” Bon Bon smirked. “Careful, though. You might get even grayer, granny.” “I beg your pardon?!” Lyra sighed, shaking her head. “Jeez,” she muttered, “You two are like an old couple.” Parasprites bobbed beside her, as if nodding in agreement. A waiter came by with several trays of their food. The arguing mares paused and leaned back, allowing him to set them on their table before smashing noses once more. Lyra, however, gasped with starry eyes and a bright smile at the sight of her oatcake, of its crusty insides, of its bready goodness. She salivated, reaching in— Chomp! —until a single parasprite engulfed it all in one bite, leaving nothing but the plate itself. Lyra gawked and sorrow weighed upon her face, watching the patasprite lick its lips and float away. As Bon Bon and Octavia continued to bicker and scream, Lyra choked a sob with wobbling tears. “T-the oats were innocent...” Watching in pity, I moved on. Was it always ponies that linked us? That paved a commonality that breached all manner of barriers—backgrounds, sense of humor, and more? Or was it just the first step to an evermore complex process? I paused, sniffing the sweet, sweet air as I found myself in the open park where flora of many kinds and colors outlined the paths and occasional tree. Reds, yellows, oranges, whites—flower beds stood at their brightest in a last yawn to the looming winter. Watering them, the Flower Trio gushed amongst themselves. “Awwwww~!” Lily squeaked, squeezing a poor parasprite’s cheeks. “These little things are so adorable!” Daisy giggled as a pink, fluffy one bobbed above and tickled her nose. “Give it love, it loves back… They’re like, like...love bugs!” “Oooh!” Rose cooed. “That has a nice ring to it. Love bug!” “Love bug, love bug!” Lily repeated, laughing when the parasprites danced to their newfound nickname. “Who’s a lovely dovely buggy? Yes you are, yes you are~!” Then, she paused, blinked, and turned around. She giggled and covered her lips, a smile flowering behind her hoof. “And how are you feeling over there, Bulk?” A white pegasus sculpted of muscle and steroids stood with a stern face. His crimson eyes burned with smoldering intensity. And yet, clinging to his broad back, thick shoulders and abulous chest, parasprites happily buzzed around his figure like living armor. “I have no idea what I’m feeling right now,” Bulk Biceps said. Then, his stonly visage cracked, and a crooked grin crossed his chiseled muzzle. “But it feels good. I mean, look at ‘em!” He flexed, and the coat of parasprites bulged. “They make my muscles look bigger! Yeah!” I raised a brow, lips parting as if to comment but stopped. Eventually, I shook my head and forced my hooves along. I knew the brony fandom resembled otaku culture, all the way down to the scale and enthusiasm. Otakus spoke with anime and bronies spoke with ponies, from best girl to best pony; They spoke a common language beyond conventional ones. At the outskirts, trotting under the shadowy flock of clouds looming overhead, I watched my frosty breath float to a chilly breeze. “Ah...Achooo!” A sneeze echoed from the beyond the clouds, followed by a sniff. “Geez…” “Better not let the Capt’ hear that, Thunderlane,” a feminine voice spoke. “She’ll make you earn your sick day. Some of the other’s got worked to the bone before being laid off, even Blossomforth.” “Yeah, yeah… I don’t need to hear it from you, Cloudkicker.” “Hehe! But maaan. Sucks all those rumors got debunked. Takes away the fun and mystery.” “I, for one, am glad that’s cleared up—and hopefully my nose.” A watery sniff. “Ugh…” “Oh yeah… You punched the guy!” “S-shut up! That was four days ago! He just—he just appeared out of nowhere with a creepy smile on his face!” “Pfft! Tell that to the ice cream on his black eye!” Cloudkicker hummed. “Say, y’know how Tutorial got ponynapped in the same night?” “You mean the story Rainbow told us? Where she saved the guy? I thought she made that up to prove how much fun she had without us since we, uh… ‘ditched’ her.” “Yep! That one! Come to think of it, she and Pinkie made the more popular rumors about him. Heh! Those two sure know how to spin a tale! Hay, Tutorial was so chill I bet he was in on it.” “Personally, I still think that guy is creepy.” “Oh, don’t be such a baby. Now come on! We still gotta finalize the winter clouds.” Wings flapped and air swished, their voices now whispers in the wind. Then, a frigid gust overtook the streets. As if by instinct, ponies huddled close with rustling furs and bashful smiles. I, the sole loner, awkwardly trotted through. I suppose that just may be it: To be understood by those around you, those who make you say ‘I’m not alone!’. It enabled a sense of camaraderie that Normie language could never achieve. And yet... “Toriiiiiiii!” Finally found her. The streets echoed with my name, drawing eyes everywhere. I stopped and turned just in time to see a pink eldritch abomination hurling my way. Not a flinch: I stood absolutely still. Right before collision, Pinkie’s momentum ceased without even an ounce of fanfare, not even the sound of screeching tires. Pink hooves seized my deadpan face in an instant, forcing me to look deep into the panicking blues of her eyes. “Tori! Tori! Tori!” Pinkie shook me back and forth, rattling me like a cowbell, “It’s red alert! I repeat: red alert! This is a super duper emergency!” I grimace from all the spittle. “Can you—?” “No time left to explain!” Pinkie spazzed, slurrings words so fast that I could barely keep up. “W-we need instruments pronto! A trombone, a clarinet, cymbals—whatever you can find!” Ears flattened, she leaned even closer with those begging, shuddering puppy eyes. “P-please! Nopony else would—” I pried her hooves off me before saliva could drip under my eyelids and stepped back. “Okay, okay! I get it: Parasprites on a food binge.” After wiping my face with my makeshift bandana, I shrugged my saddlebag and opened the flap. A silver shine peaked out. “Here. A clarinet.” Pinkie Pie was astonished, looking at the clarinet I stole from Rarity’s and then at me. Then, she squealed and smashed into me with a bone-crushing hug. “Mmrff?!” I stumbled backwards, my muzzle so deep into her mane that all was pink in the world. “Oooooh, you are the best of the besties!” Pinkie squeezed tighter and tighter. “I knew I could count on your mind reading some day!” She gave one more affectionate squeeze—my spine popped—before letting go, facing heroically eastward. “Now come on! We can’t save Ponyville without a banjo!” And so, she galloped and galloped and galloped… I sighed, a hoof pinning down her tail. For a mare of such strength, she was surprisingly light. Cartoon Logic: doing its work. “Pinkie, stop.” “No! No stopping!” Pinkie jabbered, “There’s work to be done! Drumsticks to be found! Jazz to be swung! Cupcakes to be sav—!” “Oh look! Free cupcakes!” Pinkie slid to her haunches and swiveled about. “Where—?!” Her eyes widened, stunned as they reflect an ebony cover and an intricate emblem. By her silence, I retracted the book from her lips and back into the saddlebag. I grabbed her shoulders. “Look at me and repeat what I do. Breath in...and out. In...and out.” Pinkie’s scruffy chest rose and fell as she copied my motions. A minute or two into the exercise, tension left her shoulders and nervous twitching stopped. She’s now the calmest, and sanest, I’ve ever seen of her save for her debut in Season 1’s premiere. “Better?” She mutely nodded. “Good.” I tapped her shoulder, prompting her to trot alongside me. “Now why don’t we explain things to the mayor? I’ll translate your language to Native Normie for you.” And yet it’s ironic when oddity isolates a person the way it did with Pinkie. And it’s an even bigger irony when, in the original episode, the entire parasprite infestation could’ve been resolved with old-fashioned communication. Which was why I’m glad the episode’s friendship lesson said it plainly: Sometimes, listening and patience goes a long ways. Because for all the ways we communicate, nobody can truly be understood. It balances out. It was quiet at first. It snuck alongside the ponies and their carefree chatter, their daily song of fuzzy smiles and warm sunshine... The citizens paid no mind to the fluttering their newest residential fluff balls make, and the town proceeded with the preparations as normal. But then, the parasprites multiplied. They began to litter the air with obnoxious colors and chirping. Their presence grew into an itch, into an annoyance, into a disturbance until, finally, all of Ponyville buzzed with them. And they ate and ate and ate... The Flower Trio rushed through the open streets, their hearts racing as their hooves followed a fearful rhythm. They whisked past the park, wintry clouds, restaurants...and the park again. They’ve been running in circles in Ponyville for who knows how long! Minutes most likely. But no matter where they go, no matter how fast they run, the chirping followed. It chased them without end, humming an everso haunting hymn that sang for more. More food. Lily tripped on a pebble of all things and her friends shrieked behind her, tumbling and sliding into a heap—a dead stop. They scrambled back up, hyperventilating, but there was no use in running anymore; The buzzing surrounded them in an instant. Parasprites, parasprites, and more parasprites still. Thousands of them stared down upon the ponies with innocent, soulless eyes. In every direction, there was no escape. The trio huddled together as they, as well as their wallets, begged for mercy. They buzzed ever so closer. “W-what more do you want from us?” Roseluck whimpered, clutching her companions tight. “We gave all we could—we spent so much!” And closer. Lily clenched her eyes, snuggling deeper into her friend’s fur. ““P-please! Stop looking at us like that! W-we have to eat, too!” And clos— Daisy’s ears flickered, and she raised her head, blinking. “H-hey… Do you hear that?” Roseluck nervously glanced around, but she could only hear the parasprites buzzing hungrily. “Um, hear what?” “That…music.” Daisy bit her lip and faced northward. “It’s almost sounds like heavy metal—” “Coming throooough!” The sea of parasprites parted instantly, just as a mint-green unicorn burst forth like the saint herself with a burning lyre in her magic. Lyra snarled and ran past the Flower Trio, pupils lighting aflame. “This is my rage! This is my lyre! Released from its cage, face the hell firreeeeeeee!” The instrument defied all logic and electrified with the soul of heavy metal! And yet, it still played to the tune of polka. Even the lyrics. With these unspeakable powers, Lyra chased the parasprites away! Many parasprites dodged and seemed startled at first, but the longer they listened, the more they bobbed to the tune. Then, they shot to the ground and bounced, again and again to the beat as they followed Lyra with intense reverence. The parasprites started to thin out. But the Trio could still hear it, the polka. They turned around to see… a fiddle, riding along the motion of orange fuzz. A stetson bobbed as Applejack skipped on three hooves, one hoof holding the fiddle and teeth wielding the bow. Close behind, parasprites danced single file. Applejack led them along until she reached the true source of the polka: a speaker box. And beyond that, in ever interconnecting cords, more speaker boxes. Once in range, Applejack stopped fiddling, allowing the polka to take over, and the fuzzy creatures bounced along with no fuss. Applejack gazed aside, where a DJ stand was haphazardly set up, manned by a white unicorn with brazen blue hair. The apple farmer tipped her hat. Noticing, Vinyl smirked and waved in response before remixing the prerecorded music. On the other side of the field, where polka couldn’t reach, a thrumming cello dominated. Eyes closed and back straight, Octavia stood firm to the numerous parasprites encircling her like sharks at sea as her bow flowed along the cello’s strings. A creamy hind leg kicked into the whirlpool, and a parasprite shot to the air with a squeak. Bon Bon whipped and bucked through vicious pony martial arts, a stark contrast to the adorable squeals the parasprites make each time she launched them skyward. High above, Rainbow Dash, flanked by other pegasi, caught the launched parasprites along the gusts of their flapping wings. The weather team formed a line, herding the adorable trash toward wherever polka could be heard. The parasprites followed the line of speaker boxes, streaming toward the outskirts of town. And at the outskirts, playing a bizarre contraption made of several instruments like a one-mare-band, Pinkie jostled and puffed at the outskirts of town with laser focus. Not once did she miss a beat. And watching all this at the front of Town Hall, Mayor Mare and I stood, admiring the now-dubbed Liberation Team’s work. “I am Kekistanian. This is Polka.” I smirked wryly. “How nostalgic.” “Nostalgic?” the mayor asked. “Inside joke.” Despite my strange words, the elder mare chuckled politely and smiled. “Hmm. You and Pinkie have our utmost thanks. If it weren’t for the early warning, Ponyville’s food supply would’ve been ransacked and leave us to starve for the winter.” “It’s only natural,” I said. “This is my home, too.” “Ahaha…quite. But for you to understand Pinkie Pie… Amazing!” she said, her glasses glinting with awe. “And imagine the headlines! Lovebug Infestation: Buzzing Along and then Buzzing Off!” I rolled my eyes, huffing. “Call them parasprites. Otherwise, the changelings will sue with a C&D.” “I…” She tilted her head. “Excuse me?” I waved my hoof dismissively. “Nothing. Just call them by their actual names.” I turned my head, watching Bon Bon and Applejack herd a massive boulder of parasprites along the trail of polka. “Ever thought of investing in some sort of...creature control service? It’s always better to maintain a sturdy defense in case of invasions like these.” The mayor quirked a brow. “Oh? You say that with experience.” “A clever princess taught me that. She… she royally beated me in chess,” I lamely admitted. “May as well recruit Bon Bon and Lyra while you’re at it. They seem to be made for it.” “Feeeeel my sorrrooooows!” Mayor Mare’s eyes dully followed Lyra riding down Town Square on a mini wagon, rolling with furious strings and wheels. A tidal wave of parasprites swiftly followed, a gust blowing our manes. “...provided they pass mental stability tests.” “Fair enough.” Crash! Clank! Wrwrwrwrwr… Thunk! Lyra’s voiced echoed from the dust clouds, “I’m okaaay!” Mayor Mare hummed. “Oh. Mr. Blue? There’s something I need you to do.” “Hm? Yeah?” “Could you...redo your paperwork?” The mayor fidgeted, pulling her neck tie. “No offense to your Kekistanian language, but we can’t legitimize ineligible writing. And…” She gulped. “It’s scary.” “I—” I stopped. “...Scary?” “Yes,” Mayor Mare said, glancing toward my bandana before looking straight into my eyes. “Some of my attendants swore the lettering formed faces of the undead.” “Uh…” Was my hoof writing seriously that bad? I knew I needed to work on it, and I did, but I didn’t think it was so terrible that ponies thought it was haunted. ...Then again, Ponyville’s superstition was the heart of its culture. Slowly, I nodded. “Alright. I’ll visit Town Hall again when I’m available.” Mayor Mare smiled sagely, exhaling in relief. “Glad that you understand.” At that moment, Vinyl’s speakers cut off completely. We perked up and gazed around, from the town’s untouched decor to the festive tables devoid of food. Fruits, breads, and most tragically the oats—gone. But silence occupied Ponyville’s streets, finally liberated from the parasprite menace, not a chirp to be heard or a fuzzball to be seen. I saw the liberation team pausing in the distance, realizing this as they looked at each other. Then, the air exploded as they whooped and hollered victoriously. Mayor Mare chuckled through the cheers. “It seems the deed is done. If you’ll excuse me, I must personally oversee the collateral.” She took a few steps forward—but stopped. “And… I know this may be late but…” With a glance over her shoulder, a tender warmth shone in her eyes. “Welcome to Ponyville.” I blinked, looking at her. “I...” But before I could get a word in, she already left, leaving me to just stare at her back. She nodded toward a stallion and a mare—attendants—who then walked by her sides, each reading off to her a scroll. They met up with Applejack, who spoke with a stern expression, and with undertones of grimness after a disaster, they got down to business. ...I suppose it’s time I dealt with my own, too. My sights locked on the pink figure in the distance, I trudged onward, enjoying the lack of parasprite litter. And about them… Just where did they come from exactly? In the show, Fluttershy herself brought in the parasprites, instigating these events, but she stayed home sick. That meant the parasprites didn’t spread through her. She wasn’t the carrier this time. In that case...who was? “Hnnnng!” Next to a broken mini wagon, Lyra stretched like a cat. She was scratched and dusty all over, yet no worse for wear. “Aaaaah~ Revenge tastes so sweet…” Suddenly, her stomach grumbled, and she chuckled sheepishly. “A-and now I’m hungry... Hey, Bon Bon!” she called across the street. “Want to go out to eat again? Because I am so down for some oats—” “Sorry, Lyra.” Bon Bon smiled apologetically. “Not this time.” Lyra’s jaw dropped. “W-what?! Why not?” “Well…” Bon Bon looked to the side. There, Octavia, who was putting her cello back in its case, looked back. “Let’s just say she and I have a lot of...catching up to do. Isn’t that right, Octy?” Octavia nodded, and her smile was so brittle and dry it may as well be the dust on her coat. “Pleasure is all mine, Sweetie.” “Please,” Bon Bon offered a plastic smile of her own, “let’s take this...elsewhere.” “Glad we understand each other.” Watching them saunter off with mechanical affection, hooves over each other's shoulders, Lyra was utterly baffled. “‘S-sweetie?’ I thought that’s a special pony thing! Unless...” She gasped. “D-don’t tell me… They are special best friends?!” As Lyra was freaking out, I walked past, shaking my head. I don’t ship it. My ears then flickered to flapping wings above and a shadow hovered over me. By the raspy breaths alone, I didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. “Been looking for me, Rainbow Dash?” “Yeah. After you left me hanging,” Rainbow said bitterly. Two heavy flaps and she flew ahead, flying backwards as she faced me with a scowl. “Geeeez! I never thought finding a blue pegasus as boring as you would be so hard to find. Even before cleaning the adorable trash, I keep getting the wrong pony!” I eyed her blue fur. “How many times did you lead to yourself using that description?” “How’d you—?” She shook her head. “N-nevermind that! Back at Rarity’s, I had to sit there and take it from Twilight and Rarity even though I said the truth!” “You do have a prankster’s reputation. Pinkie, too.” “Y-yeah, well…” A frustrated huff. “At least we’re trying to stick out for you!” I said nothing, staring emptily past her. Hearing no answer, Rainbow huffed, hooves crossed as she floated next to me, wordlessly in my company. She blinked, shivered, and increased the distance between us. I gave her the barest of glances before snapping back to the pink figure ahead, who appeared to be in the process of shoving instruments...into her mane. Once in speaking range, I waved a wing in hello. “Had fun, Pony Piper?” “Yepperoni!” After pushing a clarinet into her mane, Pinkie strummed a banjo, grinning to its tune. “I thought I’d be too busy for a parade, but I did it anyways!” “Uhuh. Yeah,” Rainbow said idly. “Anyways, me and Tori were just talking about...that.” “Huh? ‘That’?” Then, Pinkie blinked in realization. “Oooooh… That. No worries, Tori! I’ve gotcha covered. By now, all of Ponyville should know there’s ponynappers on the loose!” I looked at Rainbow Dash. She rubbed her mane nervously. Back at Pinkie, I said, “About that—” “See?” Pinkie Pie pulled out a flyer from her mane. “I even drew a poster and posted it around town. The aware-er the better!” Rainbow and I stared blankly at it. Scrawled along the paper, three childish drawings of the equine version of stick figures colored its pamphlet. Bean-shaped ovals acted as the main bodies and spindly lines as the limbs. She even detailed the heads with specific features: a curvy muzzle for the pale mare in the middle and rigid jaws for the colorful stallions on either side—all wearing frowny faces. ...At least Pinkie got their color palette right. “Oh,” Rainbow uttered, and her eyes trailed guiltily to the side. “So that’s what they were…” “...Nice crayon,” I said. “Thanks! And once they get caught, they’ll be going toooo...“ A dramatic pause. “Pony jail! Dun dun duuuun~! And Jaja would finally have somepony to talk to!” “I… Jaja?” “Jailor the Jailor!” Pinkie said happily. She blinked. “Oh! I better remember to get her cupcakes one of these days. It must get lonely guarding empty cells.” When Rainbow and I said nothing, concern flashed in her face. “What’s wrong? Is cupcakes no good? Should I get her pie instead?” I sighed. “Listen, Pinkie: Nobody believes that night actually happened.” “W-what?! That’s news to me! I even shared it with everypony at Sugarcube Corner with all the details! I included the dramatic rain, a snazzy one-liner, and even the eeevil way that one pretty Pilgrim sneered.” “...Well,” I deadpanned. “That explains so much.” Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “Oh yeah? Then why didn’t you tell the others? Surely they’ll listen to you.” At the fair point she brought up, I deeply, deeply inhaled. Then, I exhaled, rubbing the bridge of my nose as I recalled the one time I did just that... “Ahahahahaha!” “Uh...” I fidgeted in my seat. “Twilight?” “Ahahahahahaha—!” She paused, sipped her soda, gulped, and then laughed some more. “—ahahahaha!” “So, uh… can I send a letter?” Now giggling breathlessly, Twilight bumped my rib with a playful fetlock. “Oh, Tori! You’re really good at this! I can’t even tell if you’re being ironic or not!” She wiped a mirthful tear, still grinning. “You can’t fool me, though! I-I mean, we’re talking about Pilgrims! Historically some of the most harmonious ponies in Equestria!” “...Wat.” “Snrkt!” Twilight stifled her mouth with a hoof, but it didn’t matter. Again, she exploded with laughter. “Ghahahahaaaa! That faaace! S-stop looking at me like that! M-my sides—I just finished the food challenge!” “And to think ponies can actually get so derpy from eating cheese...” I rubbed my jaw in thought, “Come to think of it, Rarity was there in the background, hiding behind a menu.” Rainbow Dash made a face, brows razor straight. “Are. You. Serious?” “Eh.” I helplessly shrugged. “I tried.” “Try harder!” she growled. “This is not okay! Things could get really, really serious… Like, maybe those religious maniacs are a part of some cult and needed a ritual sacrifice!” “...if it summons Kek, I wouldn’t mind.” “Dude! Be real!” “You’re right! Cthulhu needs some love, too.” “Uuugh!” Rainbow’s facehoof flung her into a backflip. “You are unbelievable!” “I don’t know…” Pinkie muttered, tapping her chin with serious eyes. “Either I’m getting pinker, or he’s starting to make sense.” “You are both weird!” I snorted. “Preach it. But in all seriousness, this is rather delicate. So, I sent a letter to Celestia about this.” “Woah, woah, what?” Rainbow Dash blinked rapidly. “You’re sending the big guns already?” “Of course.” Leaving my low faith in the Royal Guard aside… “It’s best to leave religious politics to the professionals.” I raised a brow. “Anything wrong with that?” “N-no... It’s just that… I was hoping to kick some butt,” she grumbled. “If I need someone punched, I’ll know who to call.” “But…” Her mouth opened to argue, but the words seemed to catch up in her throat. Gulping, she bit her lip. After a few moments in thought, she sagged into a low-key glare. “You still owe me for ditching my behind...” I saw it coming, but it stung anyways. I sighed. “Fine, fine…” I boredly looked her in the eye. “How can I make it up to you?” Rainbow blinked rapidly. “B-bwah? Seriously? Just like that?” Then, she smirked deviously. “Hehe… Now that you said it… I have an idea. Just meet up with me at Rarity’s tomorrow morning, got it? Before Princess Celestia arrives. No chickening out.” I nodded. “Got it. Wanna make it a Pinkie Promise? Pinkie can be our witness.” “Dude, this isn’t a devil’s oath. I’ll just hold you to it.” “Whaaa?” Pinkie protested with a childish pout. “Oh, come on! A Pinkie Promise isn’t that bad.” “Says you, Pinkie.” Rainbow pivoted mid flight and began to hover higher and higher into the air, wings beating faster. She glanced over her shoulder. “Anyways, love to talk, but I really got to go. Gotta finish setting up winter for tomorrow. Smell ya later, you two!” And so, she dashed through the wintry clouds above, rapidly fading into a blue speck that befitted the free, open skies. That just left me and Pinkie. Fidgeting, I coughed. “The Cakes need some extra help, by the way. The parasprites caused them some… setbacks.” Pinkie gasped, hooves to her muzzle. “Omigosh! Omigosh! I completely forgot about them!” She flung the banjo into the air and galloped back into town, her mane swallowing the banjo as it fell. “So sorry to leave you like this, but thanks for the reminder! Sugar is super serious business!” “W-wait!” Pinkie screeched to a stop mid-step and looked back at me, surprised. I gulped. “You’re unconventional. And...unique, I know. But if you ever need to get an idea across again, explain yourself first. Meet people at their level.” It’s common advice, or maybe common sense. Yet, even as I calmly spoke, my ears burned as I rubbed my neck, glancing aside. “That way...you won’t end up alone.” For a few moments, Pinkie Pie stared with wide eyes. Eventually, she smiled. “That’s silly. I got you, remember?” And finally, leaving no room for anymore words, she resumed her sprint toward Sugarcube Corner. “...yeah. Me.” I watched her go with a frozen expression. Again, I sighed. “I can’t always be...” Finally, my business finished. I felt lost, just standing there blankly. When the sun ticked down like a clock’s hour hand, I figured it's time I headed back to the library. Twilight and Spike must be wondering where I went. Hopefully the bookworm learned her friendship lesson today... But just as I was about to move, I heard crying. Very...masculine crying. Turning toward where the Everfree Forest outskirts lay, I saw a certain white pegasus sobbing into his cartoonishly muscular biceps. “G-goodbye, Gym!” Bulk Bicep sniffed, crimson eyes watering. “You could’ve been a good training partner.” Another sniff. “Goodbye, Debby! Stay f-fuzzy and stuff. You too, Sim. And Glam. And Dandy. Tango. E-eggy! W-waaaaah!” The dam broke and he wailed in a stream of tears, puddles literally forming on the ground. Beside him, Aloe and Lotus patted his back, their heads solemnly bowed as one of them offered a tissue. Bulk took it and blowed his sorrows—before suddenly sweeping them into a hug, bulging biceps glistening with liquid pride. He bawled even more. Meanwhile, the twins patted erratically, wheezing for air. I just stood there, watching...breathless. Bulk Bicep and the parasprites… Just like a brony. By the time I realized it, I was clenching my teeth. When assimilating into the mundane, would it take away something that could’ve been special? Ponyville was no city, but the friendly town still bear its own secrets. Few ponies knew of the many shortcuts that ran between the dreary crevices of Ponyville’s clusters of homes. Even fewer knew of the conspiracies whispering within. From around the wooden corners, in a narrow alley, the shadows quivered in the afternoon sun, split like a river to a boulder as a spotlight shined through. There, two figures gathered like actors in a stage. “Unbelievable. Unbelievable!” Agent Sweetie Drops paced back and forth, shades flashing each time she passed the light. “This is why we don’t mix theocracy with the Monster Agency. You lunatics could’ve ruined Ponyville satisfying your stupid prophecies!” Octavia adjustment her bowtie with a frustrated huff. “I know. I’m upset as well. I was never informed of how fast they could multiply, but what’s done is done.” Satisfied with the feeling around her neck, she slipped on a fine fedora and sunglasses. “Fortunately, the happy ending held. I dare say, it could’ve been worse.” “Tsk!” Agent Sweetie scowled. “I don’t appreciate the Church operating in my town. Especially the attempted ponynapping! Tutorial delivers my sweets—everypony’s sweets! Hardly anypony could do that kind of work without an accident these days! Do you have any idea about the backlash if he goes missing?” “How is candy releva—?! Ugh! Never mind.” Octavia shook her head. “That wasn’t the Church’s will. Some Pilgrims heard rumors of him and acted on their own.” “But now here you are, a Pilgrim driving the Church’s agenda.” Agent Sweetie glared through her shades, yet Octavia was as stoic as ever. “Celestia disbanded the agency—we’re supposed to be in hiding! Just what are you trying to accomplish behind her back—?” Octavia thrusted a folder to Agent Sweetie’s muzzle, who stopped and sputtered. “W-what the…?” With a raised brow, Agent Sweetie took it in her hooves and looked at the musician. Octavia nodded. And so, the agent read the folder in silence. But as she scanned its contents, seconds ticking by, her eyes increasingly widened. “H-he wrote this?” “As you can see in the photograph of the letter, we were lucky to acquire Tutorial’s cooperation. Civil words. But the hoofwriting…” She shuddered and, for an instant, her voice wavered. “It dripped. Like poison on a page…” Agent Sweetie blinked, surprised. “Octy, you…” Biting her cheek, she sighed. “Fine. What do you want?” Octavia straightened herself, recomposed. “All they want is your patience. I wish to get this over with. I’ll be staying in Ponyville to watch over the markless pegasus. Make sure no more rogue Pilgrims will interfere.” Her gaze flickered to the side. She snorted, trotted over to pick up a trash can lid—it was bent—and returned it atop its companion. “At least this town is not too dirty…” Agent Sweetie frowned. “I still don’t get it. Tutorial’s no different than a markless foal. What could he possibly do?” “Everything,” Octavia said. “The Church know many things, but that stallion? He’s got them spooked. Without mark, without history—he’s unnatural.” As cool as ice, piercing violet eyes peeked above tilted shades. “The Church is always right. Always. For their predictions to derail the day rumors of him appeared is no mere coincidence. They’re convinced that he’s no pony at all.” “Oh, really?” Agent Sweetie rolled her eyes. “This better be good. The town’s been theorizing for months.” “They believe Tutorial is an Agent of Chaos.” “...” “...” “That’s stupider than Mr. Whooves’ cyborg theory.” “W-why I never—! If that’s all you have to say, you and I will have problems, candy maker!” “Trying to start something?!” “If you insist!” The mares growled, like dogs waging war over a chew toy. And so, they barked. “Hair Player!” “Cough Drop!” “Two-Face!” “Voice Hoarser!” As pilgrim and agent launched name after childish name, strumming vexed strings of a cartoonish world of cartoonish ways, I stood up from around the corner and slipped away. They were none the wiser. The next day, I stood alongside the Mane Six in front of the Town Hall building with the decor set, the food ready, and the towns ponies present. Everyone arrived early. An hour early. By Twilight’s urgings, the entire town were swayed to check for any last minute concerns. No one complained. Whether she realized it or not, Ponyville respected her word as much as the mayor’s. When everything seemed in order, the ponies were left with little to do. So, they all resorted to idle chatter for the past hour. Time flew fast. However, for Twilight Sparkle and her jitters, it flew too fast. “It’s time!” Twilight rasped. “She’ll arrive any minute now!” “Settle down, sugarcube,” Applejack smiled, patting the unicorn’s shoulder. “Everythin’ will be a’right.” “O-of course!” Twilight breathed, in and out. “It’s not like nothing has gone wrong yet! Oh, wait!” Her eye twitched, and her mane twanged to life. “It did!” Rarity immediately tended to her, brushing her mane. “Now, now. Look at the bright side: the most adorable infestation of the century was prevented.” “Yep! The day saved by the power of trumpets!” Pinkie declared and, with a skip and a hop, pulled out said instrument from her mane and blowed a deep tune. She grinned. “Easy!” Rarity chuckled. “Quite. And look!” She batted her lashes toward a table beside them, where baked goods of all flavors and sizes covered every inch of the tabletop. “The Cakes managed to complete their quota.” At a table beyond that one, Mr. and Mrs. Cake sat hunched with vacant looks. The atmosphete around them appeared dead an ominous. Pinkie chuckled sheepishly, rubbing her head. “W-we, uh, finished at past our bedtime…” “Uuuugh…” Spike, slumped on Twilight’s back, yawned for the umpteenth time this morning. He stretched long and thoroughly, lazily blinking. “Don’t remind me… Ever since the parasprite fiasco, Twilight stayed up all night on her flashcards...” He shuddered. “I could hear them in my dreams…” Applejack glanced around, squinting under the shade of her hat. “Still ain’t any sign of Fluttershy?” “Nope.” Rainbow Dash sighed. “She’s going to be missing out...” “A shame…” Rarity pouted forlornly, staring at Rainbow’s bare figure. But when her eyes drifted to the second blue pegasus of the group, she giggled. “At least I still got something out of this.” I grunted in response. My head suddenly swayed and I jerked my neck, rebalancing the heavy wig that devoured my mane and scar. Chaffing the furs of my hooves and back, noble clothes and golden horseshoes decorated my slouching figure. My face glinted—glinted with a bead of sweat that manifested from my efforts to not. Scratch. My. Mane. I bit back a hiss. It’s part of the deal… It’s part of the deal… “I would ask how in Equestria Rainbow Dash got you to wear it,” Rarity said, “but I presume you’d rather forego anymore embarrassment?” I grit my teeth. “Please.” “I thought as much.” Rarity hummed. “Although, I do recall the last time you spoke to the princess… As a matter of fact, that time was the only impression you’ve made...” “Now that ya say that…” Applejack murmured. “Yer right.” Slowly, everyone looked at me. I blinked. “...what?” At that moment, trumpet fanfare sang in the distance, heralding majesty’s arrival. I squinted upward and there I saw them, growing from a dot in the sky to a spectacle to behold: a team of stallions adorned in golden armor galloped along the air while pulling a carriage, and, riding atop the carriage, a figure of regal wings and golds sat, a prismic mane flowing gracefully to the wind. Twilight gasped. “She’s here!” She then exploded in front of my face, “Be in your very best behaviour! This just might be your only chance to make a good impression!” Recovering my balance, I steadied the wig with a hoof. “In that case, can I at least take this thing off?” “Nope!” Rainbow swooped overhead with a relaxed smirk, getting way, way too close to the wig’s top. “You’ll just have to suffer.” “Damn…” The carriage finally touched the ground, and Ponyville cheered to Celestia’s arrival, who waved back with a motherly smile. Eventually, the stallions and the carriage slowed to a stop right in front of Town Hall, where Mayor Mare approached and then bowed. “Rise, Mayor,” Celestia said, stepping out of the carriage. “I must commend Ponyville’s spirit. For a casual visit, you all gave more than your all.” “For another visit after the first, Your Highness?” Mayor Mayor stood up and beamed. “How could we not?” A sweet laugh warmed the air. “And there will be more to come.” Celestia looked past the mayor and toward a certain lavender unicorn. Twilight noticed and breathed a wide smile, and so the princess trotted with graceful hooves. “Twilight, my prized pupil! It’s so lovely to see you again, as well as your friends.” Twilight and Rarity quickly bowed, followed by Applejack, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash—I cucked and bent my forehooves at best before the oppressive weight of the wig shifted over my head. I lagged behind as everyone else raised their heads. Celestia definitely noticed. She blinked, eyes shifting up and down at my get up, smile twitching and tensing as her lips warred for dominance... Then, a snicker almost broke through. Oh no, by all means, princess: laugh. Suffer with me. “A-and—haha—”  Cheeks puffed, she gulped down a chuckle. “—Tutorial Blues, was it? Still in the realm of the living, I hope.” Tempted to leave it, actually. “Princess Celestia!” As if Celestia’s familiarity washed away her every hesitation, Twilight flew past me and nuzzled necks with the fair princess. I stifled a hiss and looked on, nursing the fetlock Twilight pushed through. Twilight fuzzily grinned past the white fur. “Oooh! It’s so great you’re here!” “Oh! You miss me that much?” Like a parent tending to a child, she leaned down and nuzzled back. “Haha… I miss you too...” After a few tender moments, they seperated, and Celestia gazed around, from the frivolous ribbonwork to the colorful banners and flowers at every turn. “I am touched that you all have prepared this wonderful feast.” She stared at the pastries on the tables before her. Cake. So much of it. For a split second, her eyes sparkled...before instantly dying. “But I am afraid this visit will have to be taken another time.” “H-huh?” A pin dropped, and Ponyville fell deathly silent. Stifled in the background, some frustrated guy in the crowd shouted, “Oh, you’ve gotta be kiddin—!” before being brutally silenced with a pan. Celestia made no reaction. “But…” Twilight’s ears flattened. “Why?” “An emergency has come up from Fillydelphia,” Celestia continued. “An...infestation.” “I-infestation?” Twilight stuttered. “Yes. Apparently, a swarm of some truly bothersome creatures invaded the poor town.” She smiled sadly at her. “I am so sorry for putting you all through so much trouble, but this issue takes precedence. If Ponyville wasn’t so close, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” “I… I understand…” However, there was no hiding Twilight’s disappointment in her voice. Applejack comforted her, tenderly patting her foreleg. Celestia hummed before turning. “And Mr. Blue? I believe this belongs to you.” Her horn lit up and, from the carriage, a white parcel floated in golden light. She whisked her horn and the parcel landed on my waiting hooves. She leaned down, whispering loud enough for only the Mane 6 to hear, “I read your letters, and an investigation regarding the attempted pony napping is underway.” “...huh?” Listening in beside us, Twilight gawked. “W-wha…?” She looked at Rarity and Applejack, who could only shrug with a grimace. They too were lost. Meanwhile, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash shared a look. Celestia didn’t seem to notice. Then, she smirked. “Although...you might want to work on your hoof writing.” “...Yes.” I nodded dumbly, and the wig flopped to the ground. My eye twitched. “I will.” “I’m glad I could assist. Now then…” Celestia stood bright and tall, full of life compared to the currently dead-inside denizens of Ponyville. “Twilight, how about I personally hear your latest friendship report before I go?” After sticking around to enjoy the last taste of summer, everyone headed home, albeit with disgruntled feeling. Some...frazzier than others. “Still freaking out in her room?” I asked. “Yep.” With the latest issue of Power Ponies in his claws, Spike said this as he shuffled comfortably on his stool and flipped a page. “Should’ve said something sooner.” I mercilessly jerked my teeth, tearing off the thin layer of the small parcel. I spat the paper from my lips and dumped the contents onto the table where they fluttered and clinked—paper and metal. Setting the shredded box aside, I squinted. My reflection stared back. “I couldn’t find a better time. These days, she’s a nervous mess.” Spike hummed. “Believe me, I know. The things Twilight comes up with… Give her an answer, and she’ll bite back with even more questions. She’s alway the type to stay in the know...Y’know?” I understood completely. Spike’s eyes ran along his comic.  “Remember: You still owe me. Sending letters to the princess is a permission-only thing, and sneaking in letters risks my neck—especially when you didn’t let me see what you wrote.” “Then I’ll make sure you write it next time,” I grumbled. “I took the blame for all that anyways, so what are you worried about?” “I appreciate it, but it’s still a matter of principle!” “Yeah, yeah…” And with that, I unfurled the package’s letter: Dear Tutorial Blues of Ponyville, Regarding the terms and conditions of your recompense, we accept. Some of our esteemed Pilgrims have committed a serious offense by attempted ponynapping and forcing upon their ideals due to your markless status. Despite this, you offered us forgiveness and understanding. We greatly appreciate this kindness. Again, you have our sincerest apologies. We are all for one, unified to the common good, a community of harmony. Their abhorrent actions opposes our message and shall not be ignored, of that we assure you. First, upon locating and arresting the rogue Pilgrims, we will allow you to decide any punishment you see fit within ethical means. We will stay in contact in case we require any more from you. The Church and the Guard will investigate this matter in the meantime. Secondly and lastly, I accept your request for an audience. As asked by your own convenience, the hearing shall occur on the day of the Grand Galloping Gala. The invitation is enclosed in the package. It will serve as proof of our authority as well as our protection. In addition, it will prove your commitment to our arrangement as long as it is still within your possession by the time of the meeting. I look forward to it. You did the right thing, contacting us. I shall be waiting. In Harmony’s Blessing, Kismat Piety, Priest of the Church of Harmony After reading the letter, I set it aside next to a silver medallion atop an ebony bible bearing the same the emblem of a tree and sun, each glowing under winter light. They already did things under Celestia’s nose. They’ll do it again, even at the risk of royal retribution… How single-minded. So, since they’re dead set on taking me to Canterlot, I gave them exactly what they wanted: A visit to their homebase. With their target being delivered to their front door in due time, they don’t have to abduct me at all. Heh… Honestly. What the hell am I doing? I’ve invested a lot into this decision, ‘Kismat.’ Don’t disappoint me. I gazed out the window and watched the snowflakes drift from the sky, soon joined by countless others like vanilla sprinkles along the icing. So softly they fell, I lost myself into the serenity, wondering about the lazy and peaceful winter days to come. Between now and Winter Wrap Up, it just might get bori— Thwap! I jerked with a start. There, sprawled flat against the window, was a bird. “Uh…” The glass squeaked as the bird slid down, my eyes following lethargically. “What the hell?” “Huh?” Spike looked over his comic book. “What was that?” “Hold up. Got a tweet…” Unlocking the latch, I opened up the window and cold air flowed in. The bird was cartoonishly crooked at first, but after a few pops and flaps, it stood back to its feet, right as rain. “I thought you birds are smart enough to tell what a window is,” I muttered. The bird chirped indignantly. “Right, right... Sorry.” I blinked. The bird… It was strikingly familiar. “Wait. Aren’t you…?” It was the same robin that Fluttershy chased during “Look Before You Sleep”—at least this world’s version. Shouldn’t he be hibernating at this time? I pensively watched as he urgently fluttered, chirped and pecked northward. He wanted me to follow. “...Spike, hold the fort.” My legs ached as the frosty air carrying the sweat off my brows, but even if I wanted to stop, the robin won’t. Finally, in the distance, Fluttershy’s Cottage peeked into view and I slowed to a dull trot. I saw the robin fly into an open window. But by the time I arrived at the door, my heart throbbed in its ribcage, pumping anxiety across my nerves, and when I reached to knock, my hoof was visibly quivering. I exhaled with shaky, wispy breaths. Suddenly, the door opened on its own. I looked down, and a familiar white bunny glared back. “Angel? Where...where’s Fluttershy?” Angel sharply placed a finger to his lips, commanding silence, and waved me inside. I obliged, closing the door respectfully behind. Wide open space greeted me. Light seeped through the windows and into the cozy abode, the woodwork reminiscent of naturalistic beauty—a homely design for animals of all kinds. Angel rapidly thumped his leg for my attention and cocked his ears onward. As I followed, I could hear the fluffy thuds of his hopping even past my clopping hooves. It then hit me like a wall: the silence. No music. No ambiance. Without a certain mare, the room felt cold and sterile; wintry. On a bird stand in a corner, the robin preened himself, yet his eyes watched. He wasn’t alone. Perched on many bird houses, avians of numerous kinds and hues stared down like gargoyles. Mr. Ferret looked up from a book, intelligence glinting in his eyes. A legion of mice skittered out of a hole carved in the wall and stood at attention, gazes tracking my every step. At the head, a mouse adorned with a paper crown nodded solemnly, as if seeing me off to war. It felt like no cottage. It felt like a judgement hall. And for some reason, they saw me fit to pass. Angel and I went up a staircase and approached a closed door. I recognized it instantly: Fluttershy’s room. And beyond it...there were voices, muffled by the walls. “...getting worse, doc! Can’t you help her?” “W-what can I do?! I’m a therapist, not a medical physician!” “What the hay is the difference!?” “Difference?! One gives P.E., and the other treats angsty teens!” “Hey.” A different, deeper voice. “Can’t we just get medicine from town?” “And get caught?! Are you out of your pony mind?! They have wanted posters out there!” “But they’re in crayon—” “Crayon is the enemy! They know our colors! Now stop stuffing your face and help us!” ...No fucking way. Angel held a paw up in a ‘one moment’ and squirmed into a nearby mousehole. I waited, silently standing on the stairway with only the hysterical voices to occupy my time. Then, there was a light thump, hushing the voices. “O-oh! Little bunny!” said a surprised voice. “What are you doin—h-hey, don’t—!” The lock unlatched, and I took that as my cue to creak open the door. What I saw confirmed my suspicions.. Standing by a bedside, Sound Therapy froze, paler than her own coat. Next to her, Gem Contrail stared with shrinking pupils, wings limp from shock. “Ooooh shoot…” “Hmmm?” Ears flickered, and Thrush turned around from a jar. A cookie fell out of his mouth. All around the room, empty bowls of soup and bottles of medicine laid haphazardly around the floor and the bed. Herbs scattered among them, likely for natural remedies. And there, in the bed where the three stood beside, Fluttershy peeked out of the covers. Below the ice bag, the towel, where there should be a healthy yellow, a feverous red spread under an unkempt mess of a pink mane. Her sickly, ragged breaths were faint, but it sliced the silence in slow, harsh beats. It stung to even hear, let alone see. The trio dripped in sweat as I stared at the horrendous state of the Element of Kindness. “U-umm…” Sound Therapy smiled stiffly, hooves shuffling. “T-this isn’t what it looks like?” My eye twitched. “You mean Fluttershy didn’t shelter hapless vagabonds out of misplaced kindness, running herself ill?” The doctor blinked twice. “O-oh…um,” she laughed nervously. “Yes! It’s, uh, exactly what it looks like.” Her smile went taut. “Pleasedon’treportus.” A cough, a beat, and coughing twice—Fluttershy shuddered under the blankets as her voice wheezed and broke the stalemate. The Pilgrims gasped and immediately scrambled to her bedside, trading fearful looks. “Oh, nonono!” Gem Contrail stammered. “Uh, t-things will be okay, rain angel! We’ll get you some water and you’ll feel better!” He glared to the side. “Thrush, get her some water!” “Wha? I thought it is your turn!” “Don’t argue with me, dude!” “Gah!” Dr. Sound threw her hooves up in frustration.“I’m surrounded by idiots!” Feeling ignored, I looked down. Angel scowled back, arms crossed, and jerked his head toward the ponies. The message was clear: “Fix this.” I sighed. Kek damn it all.