//------------------------------// // This Is Spinal Tap // Story: Care Root's Bizarre Adventure // by Ditherer the Fussbudget //------------------------------// Another day in the life of Care Root. You’re an hour into an outing with Derpy, which has mostly involved wandering the Canterlot Mall. There’s something nice about malls - they’re roomy, easy to walk around in. It certainly makes it less awkward when you can always turn and people-watch. (Not that it’s awkward anyway, although you were seriously worried about that.) You were up all night wondering if she secretly thought you were obnoxious but was too nice to tell you, or maybe you’re going to say something stupid and drive her away. Derpy, Dernier, whatever you call her, she’s the keystone in the rest of your life. You’re painfully aware that if you blurted out some wrong combination of words, she would never want to see you again. Not that you would, of course, but… There are stakes, is what you’re getting at. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Maybe it’s because you haven’t told her how your power works. Yet. You haven't been hiding it, exactly. It just… hasn’t come up yet. There are a couple of other Stand users around here. Unlike in the school, they don’t make much of an attempt to hide it. The ghosts just hover over them, and they trade glances with each other as they pass. You decide to keep a low profile. Nobody’s recognized you yet, maybe because the colder weather's forcing you into a jacket. Derpy’s walking next to you in silence, scoping out the stores. You’ve already been in a shoebox of a bookstore, an antique shop and a lame incense place, and neither of you are well-endowed enough to really buy anything. Unlike you, she seems happy to change her fashions all the time. Right now she’s wearing a trenchcoat, and it looks very Carmen Sandiego. She smells like… you don’t know. Lavender, sandalwood, something like that. Is it creepy to notice that? And her left hand is so tantalizingly close. If you just... reach out... ”There’s the food court. I bet they have pizza.” She points to the middle-distance, past the carts selling phone cases and knockoff jewelry. “Y-yeah. I’m getting pretty hungry.” A few minutes later, you sit together with genuine grade-A food court pizza, the kind that was placed in the oven by a frowning Italian man and takes up an entire plate. You might as well start having this conversation while you eat. If you keep putting it off, you’ll be putting it off forever. Just introduce it gently... ”Have you noticed the Stand users around here?” After a moment she nods through a bite of cheese, and you go on, “I was wondering if you had one of your own. ...A Stand, I mean, not a user.” She smiles a little, apologetically. ”Yeah, I do. I wanted to show it to you, but... I can’t.” “You can’t?” ”It doesn’t work that way. I don’t make it come out, it’s already out there somewhere.” She gestures at the nearest exit. “Huh.” That’s bizarre. “What’s it do?” ”It finds things and brings them to me, once at sunset and once in the morning.” Hm. Not much use for combat, then. You were hoping for a moment that she could help you sort out all the groups that seem interested in you and find some level ground to stand on. All you really want is for her and you to be left alone. If only anyone else could understand that... There are the Rainbooms, who are definitely keeping an eye on you. You still don’t know why. Today it was the pink one whose name you can’t remember, and she followed the both of you all the way to parking lot. If she weren’t so conspicuous, you wouldn’t have noticed at all. Whatever they want, they don’t seem ready to come out and tell you. Then there’s Trixie, leading a group of unknown size, trying to show the Rainbooms up. She’s giving you time to mull over her offer, but she still checks up on you, disappearing around nearby corners whenever you’re heading off to class. Plus whoever keeps putting notes in your locker. And the rest of the people like you in the general student populace, who just seem to want to show off their superpowers. That's everyone, right? Joining Trixie is out of the question if you don’t want to piss the Rainbooms off even more, but... Well, how are you supposed to make them leave you alone, too? Is this a probationary period, or could they be scouting you for something? Isn’t there any way to get out of this without making a bunch of powerful enemies? It’s been half a week since your life became worth living, and you’re already tired of the excitement. ”Is something wrong?” You snap out of your reverie, and find Derpy’s looking at you, concerned. You shake your head. “No, it’s… it’s nothing.” That makes her look even more worried, and seeing the look on her face gives you the strangest kind of dull ache. ”Tell me what’s on your mind, Care.” Her good eye focuses on you like it’s trying to penetrate your skull. It’s so intense you look away to your half-eaten pizza. She has a lovely way of saying your name. “I’m just trying to figure out who to side with. People keep trying to use my powers for their own ends, and I don’t really want any of them to have them.” ”Then you shouldn’t side with any of them. Not until you find one you can get behind.” She says it like it’s the most obvious, simple thing in the world. ...Maybe it is. “Then… do you think I should stand against all of them?” You wonder if she’d change her mind about that if she knew how much danger she could be in. But no, she shakes her head again. ”You don’t have to do it alone. You can make your own group.” You've never felt more aware of your crippling lack of friends than as you consider that idea. But if you could find the right people... “Do you really think I could pull that off?” ”Of course I do! You’re a lot smarter than you think you are, Care.” She says, with no trace of insincerity, and then, ”By the way, how does your Stand work?” “Uh…” You explain ｢Timbuk Three｣ in broad terms, including its power source. She listens intently to the whole thing. You just don’t bring up how she’s the factor putting all of this happiness into your future. Yet! You don’t bring it up yet! You’re about to. First, you just look around in case something more important needs Derpy’s attention. Any vendors on fire? Any Stand battles happening nearby?Any-- Oh. Oh no. It’s her. She’s in a hoodie now, but you could recognize her a mile off. The hair, the yellow skin, the two lackeys. It’s the Orange One, the last girl who touched you. A few months ago, she put the entire school in a trance. You lost your sense of awareness when she touched you, and only came to a full day later - and that was only when the Rainbooms made some kind of counterspell. You don’t know her name, but she still sings in your dreams sometimes. She’s scanning from left to right, searching for something. And then she makes eye contact with you, and gestures to the other two, and they make their way over. No way in hell. You stand up on the spot. “We’ve got to go.” ”What?” She turns in her seat and sees them coming. It takes a moment for her eyes to focus, and then you see her shiver and stand up. They’re halfway to you. “Close your eyes.” She turns to you, searches your expression for a moment, and then closes them. The purple one summons a Stand of her own, an inky roiling mass barely in the shape of a person. But whatever she’s doing, she’s not faster than the speed of light. “｢Timbuk Three｣!” A blinding field of light, a camera-flash of the gods, covers the entire food court. People cry out. Besides Derpy, you’re the only one who can see. Thankfully you're able to bend all the rays away from yourself; if you didn’t know better, everyone just flinched and fell over for no reason. She opens her eyes, and you bolt for the exit in the chaos. You flare up another one behind the both of you, just in case, and don’t dare look back. Okay, parking lot. This is close to where you came in. Car, car, where’s your - there! You and her run side by side for it. With the rush of wind in your ears you realize something: you’re gripping her hand in your own, both of you carrying each other along. You fish out your keys with your other hand and unlock the doors a few feet away. ”Not so fast, Kid.” The voice comes from the other side of the aisle. Rough, a man’s voice that’s been through too many cigarettes. You recognize it. The guy you punched through a wall. He’s got a nasty grin on, and he looks like he’s been hanging out there for a while. There’s an open beer on the ground, and a grey circle spinning in the air around his abdomen like a magical hula hoop. It’s a little orbit of dust and bits of concrete, you think. ”You might’ve been able to get the drop on ｢Sweet Thing｣, but I’ve got something new to show off. And I need to know what *you* did with my watch.” He turns to Derpy for that last bit. You feel outraged in a way completely foreign to you. It was one thing to stop him choking her when she was an abstract quantity, an undiscovered variable still being fit into your life. Seeing him actually threaten her now... You clench your fists and step forward. He chuckles. ”Must be some easy pussy, Kid. Hope it’s worth dying for.” Then his Stand appears, the same tomato-red Hoganlike outline, now with a crown of grey cubes orbiting its head. ”｢Sweet Thing Reprise｣!” “｢Timbuk Three｣!” Open the game! ...Okay, first things first. You glance back the way you came, surveying the lots for the singers. No sign. Next issue. He's relaxed, standing tall and straight but without any tension. Even the ring separates into finer floating grit, particles arcing and dipping lazily. He must be waiting for the first punch. Does he think you won't use the same trick twice? You point and fire a laser at his shoulder. His Stand doesn't even move to block it, but in the instant of your attack, the grey ring comes alive. Faster than you can see, it shifts, spinning with freakish momentum, and hits the beam of light. The laser bounces and goes wild, heading for your head. ｢Timbuk Three｣ throws a shield up on reflex, and it's your only saving grace from a fried brain. The laser bounces again, hitting a car window. Then, like a paddleball, it ricochets and hits the shield again. You know it's not supposed to be that impervious to decay - this was a half-second attack. It bounces again, jumping around a bunch of mirrors, and comes back in an ultimate act of inconvenience. You rotate the shield around yourself and deflect it at your enemy, but the ring flies to protect him again, shredding the light in mid-flight. Bits of it speckle the grey matter as they join the orbit, and the rest leave dents in nearby cars, but not one hits him. You throw a fist of hard light at his head that's twice its size. It's half absorbed and half scattered, bounding everywhere and forcing you to waste more time on shields. But it'll be worth it, because while it's being deflected you generate a second one at his leg! The ring stretches diagonally to block it, too, and you get the impression that you're burning up your power for nothing. "Might as well give up, Kid. ｢Sweet Thing Reprise｣ was designed to stop anything you could throw at me. None of your fireworks are gonna land today. And I'll be sure to reveal all the gory details about who's paying for them to your girl here, if you don't pick up your game." He finally moves to step closer to you, and it's just to leer. "But that's only half of what my Stand can do, now. Betcha thought the world hated you before." With that, there are a dozen synchronized rumbles. All of the cars dented by your shredded light rev to life, and each one begins pulling out of its space, utterly driverless. Shit. You scramble to get into your car. Derpy follows your lead, jumping in and slamming the door behind her. The enemy Stand user shakes his head and steps forward towards you, leaning in to bring the ring closer. You burn for a shield, and then a bigger second shield to block the rebound from the first. Neither last for more than a couple of seconds, but it's enough time to start the-- You're not in the driver's seat! Derpy grabs the keys from you and jams them in. You notice the ring around his Stand's head turn a fluorescent blue with accreted light. It barely registers, though. Derpy sits frozen, hands on the wheel, as she sees it too. There are cars in front of yours, and backing out is impossible. Your voice comes to you, past shock and calculation. "Alright, on my mark, floor it." She nods without looking at you. You don't want to know if she's thinking about what this douchebag just said to taunt you. You have to burn something bigger to make the curves fit your wheels, but you cover all four in hard light. "Now!" You lift, and she stomps the pedal. The world shifts under you, and direction gets slightly confused as you're thrown, in a wheelie, over the obstacle. The impact nearly throws you out of your seat, and your headrest punches you hard enough to leave a bruise, but you're alive. A wild shot of light flies out of the ring, missing your car and smashing into three others. They hum to life. Without any prompting, Derpy peals out down the aisle, racing for the open road. Good. You need to get -- Wait. "Where are we going?" You hope you're not distracting her. "My house, Ludus Avenue. It's not far, so if we lose him it's a safe hideout." You imagine this guy following you into Derpy's home, and then imagine what would happen if that spinning ring brushed against her. Or you, for that matter. "If." Then you hold on as you're nearly thrown again. One last hard turn, but now you're on the street proper. You check the rearview in the center, even though it's not angled for you. The bastard's sitting on the hood of one of the cars. As you roll down a window, you realize there's some good news here: he might be protected from your attacks somehow, but they aren't. You lean out the window to get a better shot, and feel grateful the roads are so empty right now. A concentrated burst at the gas tank of the car to his right, and it screeches to a halt immediately, cutting back three others. Another, and most of his backup's gone. He throws more light at you, but you deflect it and aim for his tires. If you can keep him back, even for just a little while, you know you can get away. His car swerves around your first shots, so you decide to stop being so predictable. A hard edge appears, hanging in the air, less than a foot off the ground. It connects before he can even react, slicing through the rubber and leaving him skidding on his previous momentum. After a couple seconds, Derpy's the only one breaking the speed limit. You turn to her. She's driving with one eye closed, staring unyieldingly at the route ahead. "How long until we get there?" "We're about to reach the neighborhoods, and then Ludus should only be a few minutes." You nod, and double-check behind your car. He's still here! Pushed along, skidding and sparking, by a small conga line of other sliced-up cars, all of them shaking with the speed. They're about to give out, but they're getting him within range to touch your car! He flexes a bit, reaches out, and the ring widens a little. You throw up a shield, and it breaks automatically. Then his power connects, clipping your trunk, and Derpy cries out as the wheel stops responding. Your car has a mind of its own, now, and it races independently for the nearest turn. The doors auto-lock, the brakes stop responding, and you only pick up speed. If you'd been wearing a seatbelt, you're sure it'd be crushing your ribs, but instead you're both pressed into your seats. A laser in here would go bouncing in all directions, and anything more forceful would just hasten the crash heading your way. He's still behind you, still slowing, while you're trapped inside an environment he controls. You turn in your seat, fighting the speed, and lunge for Derpy. You grip her shoulders, and she breaks her stare at the road to turn to you. After a moment, you're off-road, and your ride goes tumbling end over end. ｢Timbuk Three｣...! The world spins as you build up hard light around the both of you, and then you're careening through the windshield. There's a judder, a shatter and you're free, the car tumbling away as you sail above it, upside-down and pressed together. The other cars grind to a stop, and your opponent dismounts and watches you. There's just the fall to deal with now. Derpy squirms in your arms, and you rub her shoulders as reassuringly as you can, but she doesn't stop. You turn closer, trying to think of something comforting to- Oh. She's fishing in her trenchcoat. "Hold on, Care! My Stand gave me this!" With a flourish, she pulls out a... popsicle stick? As the air rushes by you, she grips the stick at both ends and pushes them inward. It bends like plastic, folding in on itself. She grunts with effort, expression obscured by the sun hanging low in the sky. You're too transfixed to ask why. "Come ooooon..." The ground rights itself beneath you, rushing up to snap your bones. Then, finally, with a long creak, the stick snaps. And you both stop falling. You can feel yourself being held, and see the long porcelain arms nesting you both. Above you, a long face like a helmet, with just two circles set far apart, and long fins dragging down its cheeks like exaggerated sideburns. It doesn't have legs, just a mess of crisscrossed bars like accordioned scaffolding that shift to gold and end in a long, mermaidlike tail. It's strong, and as it lowers you to the ground you can tell that it's only slightly larger than you. Standing in its shadow, it feels much larger. "H-how..." Derpy finishes taking deep breaths and smiles at you, blushing slightly. "Sorry, I didn't mention all of how ｢Spinal Tap｣ works. When someone breaks something it delivers, it appears for a little while like other Stands do." You feel a response bubbling up. An acceptance that she forgot to mention that, no big deal, and you just so happened to forget to mention something about yours, too... "Shouldn't leave details out like that, kid." Oh, right. It's him. Again. The cars are totaled on the side of the road, but he's unscathed. You're a little ways off of it now, with some townhouse backyards and winding streets at your backs. "I know you can filch just about anything with that Stand. Shame you used it to take repossessed property." You remember the watch she was carrying when he first attacked her. Even when you returned it to the kid this guy had stolen from in the first place, you never thought to ask how she actually got a hold of it. How much about Derpy do you really know? He snarls. "I also know it's gone as soon as it comes. How many other items do you have to break, hm? On you, I mean. I know you get two every day, but you've gotta be using them. And since this was supposed to be a quiet trip out, I bet there were only one or two, just in case. Otherwise, you'd have just fought me with your boyfriend." Derpy doesn't break eye contact with him. Her face is a mask. "Well, there's one way to find out, isn't there? I'll just wait for you to run out of juice and see what else you can pull out of your snatch. And after you run out, I'll let you choose which one of you dies first. How's that sound?" "｢SPINAL TAP｣!" Her Stand moves like it's been jump-cut, and then it's upon him. "｢SWEET THING REPRISE｣!" ｢Spinal Tap｣ lashes out and hits his Stand, fist colliding with it in a staticky, distorted mess. It spins and unleashes a loose kind of kick on the user, but the ring blocks it. He doesn't even flinch. Derpy takes your hand and runs. He calls after you. "Looks like that answers my question!" You're terrified, but you match pace with her around a corner, through a cul-de-sac, past a backyard. "Can we beat him to your house?" She nods, but doesn't say anything. You're both completely out of breath by now. The evening casts long shadows, and the next few minutes are a blur of them. A hopped fence, a few turns, and you emerge onto a street lined with white fences and two-story houses. All the lawns are trimmed and gardened neatly, except the one Derpy leads you to. There's a large tree on the property, sidled up to the frontmost part of the land. Deep up in it, you see hints of yellow, and beneath it, a fence complete with its own little gate. "Yoohoo." Across the street, leaning on a mailbox, it's him. Whatever he sees in your expressions, his reaction is immediate. "Did you think they wouldn't tell me your address when I was sent to take care of you?" He stands up and walks closer, stopping in the street. Then he turns his attention to you. ”You've been letting your bitch do all the talking, Wiz Kid. What’s up? Starting to decide between yourself and her yet?” “I’m not--” ”Don’t lie, kid, I’ve got an inside line on how your Stand works. You’re fine with sticking with this girl and burning up all of your happy moments. That’s no different than a drowning man taking his girlfriend down with him for a few more breaths of air!” He turns to Derpy, sneering. ”Isn’t that sweet, kid? He only knows you exist because his magic needs you, and when he’s finished burning up all of those little moments of happiness, he’s gonna throw you away like yesterday’s garbage. You’re only holding onto him while he eats you.” You can’t see her face, but her fists are shaking at her sides. He continues. "That's why he's suddenly trying to jump in your pants. No one in this world gets so close so quickly unless they're trying to get something, and only the suckers think otherwise. Now: if you hand him over, or kill him with your Stand, I won't go into that house and end your family." Your hands clench too, as silence permeates the street. You have to say something to that. “Derpy, I-” She steps away from you, and towards the giant. Dernier Piege You raise a finger high above your head, and Fido follows it to the tree above you. “Do you know the meaning of this tree?” He doesn’t answer you, but stares without interrupting. “My parents met in France under a lemon tree on my grandpa’s farm. Neither of them knew what they were doing with their lives, and they only had enough money for one passport, but they ran away together and they faced the consequences when they came.” A lemon falls from one of the branches, and you catch it without looking. “This is the daughter of that tree. It’s the tallest in the state, and it wouldn’t exist if they hadn’t depended on each other. Just like I wouldn’t.“ He doesn’t look impressed. “So I’m willing to give Care a chance! We both might be drowning on our own, but together we can push our way to shore, and face what happens when it comes! Human beings latch onto circumstance and they never let go! That’s how a world unfolds! That’s the meaning of this tree!” With the last word you hurl the lemon at Fido. His Stand’s defenses eviscerate it on impact, bits of fencepost-metal and concrete shredding the skin and draining away the juice. A mass of pulp lands at his feet, and he steps on it and grinds in with his heel for emphasis. ”That’s what I think of your sappy romantic bullshit. Was that supposed to be an attack?” He seems less amused now. You point right at him. “It’s sunset right now. And that means my Stand has one more delivery to make before this is over.” He grits his teeth. ”You really want to play this one to the hilt, don’t you? We both know your Stand can’t get through my defenses, and it couldn't scratch me if it gave you a bazooka," his expression turns neutral as he steps closer, and the air fills with the sound of cracking knuckles, ”In fact, I think I’ll just finish you before you can get that delivery. Time limit could keep things interesting.” You smirk. “Oh, but it’s already been made.” ｢Spinal Tap｣ vanishes from the tree, and appears, fully-sized, from inside the pulped lemon. Fido realizes what's happening just too late. His body turns as he tries to reorient his shield, but it can’t get close enough to matter. ”You bitch!” Your Stand grabs his head and slams it into the pavement a few times. He’s not even fast enough to cower correctly. Then it lifts him off the ground, until his feet aren’t touching it, and unleashes a month of punches. ”ADADADADADADADADADADADADADADAD!” You can't tell if the noise is coming from you or your Stand, or if there's a difference. Time seems to slow down. He hangs in the air for a moment, pummeled and half-aware as you nod at his departure. “Adieu.” With that, ｢Spinal Tap｣ lands its final blow to his chest, and he goes sailing above the houses and backyards, out of view. That’s that. You turn around to Care, and he’s staring at you like you can fly. It’s kind of cute. “Come on, we should get inside. I don’t want the Neighborhood Watch finding us.” He blinks a few times, unmoving, and you take his arm and head to your front door. Care Root ...What just happened? Did she really just brush off what you're doing? You... didn’t realize that she felt that way. In hindsight, you feel foolish, about the whole thing, about this battle, about, about everything! And now, before you can settle into feeling properly idiotic, she’s dragging you to her front door. Is she going to turn around and say goodbye on the stoop specifically? No. No, she’s reaching in her pocket for the key. ”Come on in, I want you to meet my mom.” You freeze up. You just raced a high school crime lord, totaled your car and entered the radar of three freaky singing supervillains, but it's now that you freeze up. She doesn’t notice, the key works perfectly, and the door swings open. Oh shit oh shit oh shit. ”Hey, mom! I’m back!” The inside of the house looks lived-in, in a cozy way. There’s a staircase disappearing up into a long hallway, a living room through an arch to the left, a kitchen straight past the stairs, and what you guess must be the garage on the right. The entryway’s hardwood, and it looks polished. Little knick-knack signs are hanging from nails in every wall, tidy, well-dusted and evenly spaced. The closest one you can make out says “Deliver us from evil!” under a little graphic of an envelope. Coming from the left, you can hear some kind of commercial playing, and make out the back of Golden’s head on the arm of a couch. The air smells like banana bread. It almost makes you let your guard down. But this is still enemy territory, you’re sure. If you looked too stupid around here, you could throw the whole relationship off. You think. Your Stand doesn’t seem to sense any immediate danger. A woman comes to the doorway of the kitchen, yellow-skinned with poofy blue hair. ”How was your day, honey?” ”Oh, it was great! Mind if I bring Care in?” And that's how you meet Lemon Hearts, Catcher Pouch, and the rest of Derpy’s family. ??? You're the taller of the two figures in the distance, watching calmly. “We’re chipping away at him without making him reckless. We need to keep him on the defensive.” Your Freshman friend pipes up. ”She’s going to make that harder for you, if she gets any better.” It's a thinly-veiled suggestion. You can't tell her so, but she’s right; this fight was supposed to cost him a lot more. Not unlike a casino, you wanted him to spend as recklessly as possible before he understood how to play the game. It would've been better for everyone that way. Oh, well. You shake your head. “Without her, none of this could happen. We have to preserve her for now.” She sighs, and puts her shoulders into it. She’s such a little scrapper, you can’t help but smile. ”I’ll tell the others to leave her alone, then.” “Good. But we still need a way to keep him off-guard… A-ha!” You can see her through their window, standing with her arms folded. You’d recognize that grey anywhere. Silver Spoon. No Stand. Low willpower. In a flash of inspiration, a plan sprouts. “Looks like we can trip him up after all.” ｢To Be Continued｣ Stand: ｢Sweet Thing Reprise｣ User: Fido Ability: Anything damaged by ｢STR｣ will be “hostile” to those fighting or working against the user; books will fall off of their shelves, ground will become slippery, machinery will fail to operate. Additionally, debris and damaged pieces collect in a spinning ring around the user at a two-foot radius, which draws in and shreds incoming attacks. When attacks are shredded, the largest remaining portion becomes “hostile” and smaller ones are added to the ring. Stand: ｢Spinal Tap｣ User: Dernier “Derpy” Piege Ability: Remote Stand; brings the user an ‘offering’ at sunrise and sunset of an object it’s obtained. Specific items or kinds of item can be requested, but if they can’t be obtained or no requests have been made, ｢Spinal Tap｣ will simply offer the user something helpful. The Stand cannot attack in its Remote form, but when an offering is destroyed in the user’s presence, it can manifest for two minutes from the remains of the item, displaying incredible strength and speed.