//------------------------------// // Welcome to the Show, but with more Christmas Cheer // Story: The Several Days Late but Many Bucks Plentiful Dazzling Christmas Special! // by Justice3442 //------------------------------// The Several Days Late but Many Bucks Plentiful Dazzling Christmas Special! It’s that time of year! That time where the magic of Christmas has mostly fled and all that’s left is the short, but grueling crawl towards the new year! But wait! Aria wants to share the joy of post-Christmas, pre-New Years with everyone! Whether they want to or not! “Can’t you do this?!” Adagio Dazzle snapped as she glared out at an open doorway. “No!” Aria Blaze’s voice snapped back from said doorway. “We’re late as it is and I’m running interference for guests! Plus, my hands are full!” Adagio shot the doorway a smirk. “What, you’re going to leap out with a bunch of gifts and surprise everyone?” “What?! No! Lame! It’s all set up. Just hit the ‘stream’ button already!” Adagio chuckled. “Good thing you asked me and not Sonata here, she’d wonder where the picture of a stream is!” “Yes, wow, your ability to recognize the written word and comprehend basic requests is amazing, Dagi.” Adagio sneered. “You’re lucky this little exercise of yours is going to net us both attention and money, Aria!” “Yeah, yeah, oh-glorious-and-most-dazzling leader. JUST HIT THE FUCKING BUTTON ALREADY!” Adagio took a deep breath, then let it out as if she was debating continuing arguing with Aria or not. Seemingly deciding it wasn’t worth her time, she turned and peered quizzically at a spherical webcam with a large lens that was set upon a pivoting base sitting next to a massive laptop that practically dwarfed the table it was set on. “Er… You’re sure this is ready to go?” “Oh my fucking God!” Aria exclaimed in annoyance. “Yes, present,” Adagio replied with a smirk. To punctuate this point, Adagio was wearing a low-cut Santa-themed dress that framed the bottom of her cleavage by fluffy white cotton that sloped downwards toward a chrome emblem that resembled her ‘cutie mark’. The mid-section of the dress hugged Adagio’s abdomen tightly as the bodice lifted her chest slightly with two black supports that appeared specifically as if they were presenting Adagio’s breasts on two pedestals. Around her waist was a wide, black belt with a gold buckle over a skirt that would maybe go down halfway most women’s thighs, but only made it down about a third of the way down Adagio’s massive man-or-woman (or-whatever-Adagio-simply-isn’t-that-picky) crushers. To ‘cap’ the outfit off, Adagio had managed to get a red Santa hat to sit in a mostly-natural looking manner on top of her head, having discreetly shoved just enough orange curly hair inside so her bangs were still visible, but the hat fit snugly on her head. The hat occasionally shook, however, with the seams and fabric housing the bouncy and nearly boundless mass of orange hair inside that was barely restrained with a modest three bottles of hairspray and twelve hair clips— ‘Snap! Snap!’ Ten hair clips. “For the last fucking time, Adagio, I know it’s going to work! I set it up before bringing the laptop down!” —“I’m amazed you didn’t throw your back out carrying this thing down…”— “Just hit the stupid record button!” “Okay… just…” Adagio looked at a giant black ‘laptop’ that appeared to be almost half the size of her and sported the word ‘PREDATOR’ in big silver writing under its giant curved screen. “I mean… there’s no cord going from the PC to the cameras and… are you sure your drivers up to date? Maybe we should run the install CD to be sure…” “…Oh by sweet baby Christ’s-just-past-birthday, Adagio!” Aria said as she peaked her mulberry eyes into the living room doorway. The rolling of Adagio’s eyes seemed to turn her whole body to face Aria. “You should know that’s completely wrong, or have you forgotten?” It was Aria’s turn to roll her eyes. “No, I haven’t forgotten! I don’t have memory problems!” “Well, it was like 2,000 years ago!” “Ugh! How can I forget!” Aria exclaimed before she began mumbling irritably to herself. “Frickin’ jive-ass, send-us-back-wherever-whenever, Star Swirl portal…” She shook her head. “Everything smelled like sheep and camel and even between all of Sonata’s frankincense and my myrrh, we still couldn’t make the smell go away!” Adagio huffed out a sigh. “And then suddenly you two grew consciences and just handed out all our expensive frankincense and myrrh like we intended to gift it all along!” Aria shrugged with her eyebrows as Adagio caught a glimpse of black-fingerless gloves and one of Aria’s ponytails. “Gabe was giving us the stink-eye like we were being assholes for flashing our wealth in front of the poor carpenter’s family! And you know how he… she… whatever has a glare that sorta bores into your soul in a rather literal sense. I thought he’d start yelling and I did not want ruptured eardrums!” Aria refocused her own unamused glance at Adagio. “Besides, you gave them a bunch of our money after that!” “Well, then you two made me look like the asshole for not giving them anything!” “Okay, but even though we can all agree that, while cash is awesome, it’s sort of the most thoughtless gift there is!” “EXCUSE ME IF THEY DIDN’T HAVE GIFT CARDS TO TACO HUTS OR EVEN TACO HUTS BACK THEN, ARIA!” Adagio looked back down at small end table that was basically completely covered by the massive laptop with the barest of room for a webcam. “Your camera still isn’t plugged in.” “That’s because the cameras are all wireless and set up to be switched through an app on my phone, moron! It’s like the Y2K disaster really happened but just for your brain! How do you even function in modern society?!” Adagio’s eyes narrowed. “I still make more money than you, you know.” Aria rolled her eyes. “Sure, if you include tips you get from blowjobs and fucking dudes inside and outside work.” Adagio shot Aria a furious look. “I fuck more than just dudes!” She followed this up with a sneer. “Plus, I also get vacation time and benefits!” Aria rolled her eyes. “Work benefits is just something boring adults bring up when they’re mad they’ve met someone ‘self-employed’ who’s more successful than them!” Adagio raised an eyebrow. “I meant ‘co-workers with benefits’.” Aria pursed her lips slightly. “Walked into that one… Look! This is all valuable content that could be going up on my MeTube channel! As much as I hate to admit it, viewership spikes whenever you or Sonata wander on camera when I’m shooting my videos.” “Okay, me, I understand,” Adagio said. — “Well, you’re practically naked most the times you barge into my room, so yeah.”— “But why Sonata?” Aria sighed heavily. “Honestly, if Sonata had the attention span to do what I do, she’d probably make more money than me with that cute ditsy, ‘maybe I’m faking, maybe I really do have a terrible brain injury and need therapy’ act she has going!” Adagio shook her head. “I can’t believe you make any money at all from sweaty guys watching you beat people at your stupid video games.” Aria smirked with both her lips and eyebrows. “You, Adagio Dazzle, are surprised there’s money to be had from a hot girl offering her services to demean a buncha needy dudes? “ “I…” Adagio hesitated and thought about this a moment. “Okay, when you put it like that…” “Still late, Adagio!” Aria replied. “I’m getting bitchy tweets from like a million people here!” Adagio rolled her eyes. “You’re exaggerating.” “I’M FUCKING NOT!” Aria roared ragefully. “NOW TURN ON THE DAMN CAMERA!” “Alright, alright!” Adagio exclaimed. She poked the screen then frowned. “Nothing is happening.” “THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S NOT A TOUCHSCREEN, YOU IDIOT!” “YOU SPENT NEARLY TEN-GRAND ON A COMPUTER AND IT DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A TOUCHSCREEN?! I MAY NOT KNOW THE SPECIFICS OF HOW COMPUTERS WORK, BUT I KNOW THAT’S A BASIC FUNCTION AT THIS POINT!” “WHY WOULD I NEED A TOUCHSCREEN FOR A GAMING PC?!” “INCASE YOU USE IT TO SHOOT LIVE VIDEO LIKE WE’RE TRYING TO DO NOW?!” “JUST USE THE DAMN TOUCH PAD!” Adagio sighed. “Ugh… It’s probably caked with layers of your body juices…” “When the fuck has that stopped you from doing literally anything…?” Adagio pursed her lips and leaned down in front of the computer. “Good point. Okay… I hit the button and-AGH!” Adagio found herself falling to the ground courtesy of a solid push from Aria who was now leaning down in front of the camera.  “‘Sup, losers!” Aria greeted. Like Adagio, she was wearing a skimpy Santa-themed outfit, though her skirt seemed to barely cover her tight posterior. Despite the small size of the item which also showed off Aria’s cleavage, it still hung somewhat loosely around her well-toned body, though not so much as to suggest Aria had no shape despite resembling more a ballpoint pen with a cushioned grip and thin center rather than the full hourglass shape Adagio sported. She lacked a hat and her nearly trademark stars that kept her twin ponytails in place. Instead, she opted to hold her hair up with arm length, fingerless-black gloves made all the more striking by red wristbands. “SirenBlaze420 here, finally! Sorry about the hair. Having kinda a wardrobe malfunction! Speaking of malfunctions, working through some technical difficulties.” Aria glowered down at the floor. “AS in my roommate is a difficult technical moron!” Adagio got up to her feat and glared at Aria. “As impressed as I am at that intro with the multiple segues and some solid wordplay, I have four annoyances!” Aria sighed. “Adagio Dazzle, everyone!” She said nodding in Adagio’s direction. “I have three annoyances which I will list off in order of least to most irksome. One… SirenBlaze420?! Really?” Aria sighed heavily. “Well, there’s like… a buncha 1’s and 3s and a 4 in there, but I can’t really say that.” Adagio rolled her eyes. “Two, why are you holding your hair up!” “Sonata stole my clips and ran off with them!” “So… make her tell you where they’re at!” “Dude, she’s so happy we needed a few more days with the Christmas stuff that she’s putting out her ‘double-stacked Gordita Crunch’ treatment. Her words, not mine. I told her as long as she didn’t spread burnt cheese all over the place, that was fine… And you know how she gets when she’s ‘in the zone’.” Adagio sighed. “Giddy, yet stabby… Fine… But why don’t you let your hair down?” Aria narrowed her eyes. “‘Cause I hate the way it looks.” Adagio chuckled. “But it’s adorable!” “Right, and I hate the way it looks!” “Ugh, whatever… Third. WHY ARE YOU ALSO DRESSED UP AS SLUTTY SANTA!” Adagio pointed a finger at herself. “I’M SLUTTY SANTA AND YOU AND SONATA ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MY PROMISCUOUS ELVES!” “Dude, it’s my show!” Aria said. “So, I can be slutty Santa if I want. You’re lucky I was too busy to ask you to change!” “Well, one of us is going to have to change!” Adagio leaned closer to Aria and poured on the vitriol. “And, I’m the leader!” Aria leaned forward as well, keeping a firm grasp on her hair. “Well, it’s my show! My channel, and my viewers!” Adagio’s face tightened in rage and frustration and she growled out a “FINE!” before she did a little twirl in front of the camera. “Get a good look everyone! Guess I’m changing!” she said before storming off. Aria huffed out a sigh. “Fine, go!” “HEY!” Adagio called out. “Did you put a camera in my room so people will see me get undressed?!” “What?! NO!” Aria shouted back. “You’re the perv, not me!” “A pity!” Adagio shot back. Aria sighed and looked directly at the webcam. “See what I have to put up with?” “Merry Christmas EXTRA, everyone!” A bubbly voice rang out as jingling heralded the arrival of one Sonata Dusk. Garbed in a green dress that Sonata’s shapely frame seemed to be actively fighting to get out of, it was lined with red fringed trim around the hem of the skirt. Her open top was adorned with bells and seemed to be the source of the noise. A matching green and red hat with a bell at the end was perched on Sonata’s head. She also wore green gloves with red sleeves and matching green and red socks on her feet. Aria sighed. “Speaking of putting up with stuff… Sonata?” “Yes-um, Aria Blaze?” Sonata turned towards the camera and gave it a cat-like grin. “My dear friend, roommate, and possibly more…” Aria rolled her eyes so hard it was amazing she didn’t strain anything. “You don’t need to look at the camera, exposition, and be coy with the audience! We’re not having a ‘fake’ holiday special. They know about us already, and they especially know you, because you hijacked my channel that one time and just played with dinosaur toys for hours in front of it!” “You’re just mad because that video has more views than any of your others!” “I am FURIOUS that video has more views than the others, but that’s not the point! I need my hair ties!” “Oh!” Sonata dashed out of the room. “I can fix that!” Aria closed her eyes, shook her head, and let out an exasperated groan. Before she could get her eyes open, she could feel Sonata swatting away her hands, working on her hair, and putting it back into ponytails. “Okay, done!” Aria opened her eyes, then frowned as she stared at the laptop screen. Her hair now looked to be held in place with tinsel and some large spherical baubles of glittery green, red, and silver. “These aren’t my hair ties,” Aria glowered. “Nope-um!” Sonata confirmed. “These are, in fact, Christmas decorations that you’ve wrapped my hair with.” “Yes-um, again!” Aria’s left eye ticked a couple times. “Why are you wrapping my hair up in decorations?!” “Because there was no more room on the trees, silly!” Sonata replied. Aria growled. “No! I mean… WHERE are my star-headbands!” It was Sonata’s turn to roll her eyes. “Well, on the trees, d’uh!” Aria replied to this with unintelligible rage snarling before confusion took over her face. She glanced towards a corner of the room then seemingly remembered something. Her hands now free, she leaned over and grabbed a smartphone. After poking at it a bit, the camera moved, panning over a big purple couch, walls that already were covered with items such as pictures of the girls framed with golden frames, various gold and sparkly knick-knacks, and a large analog clock in a huge golden frame that resembled the sun. Added to what appeared to be more permanent additions were tons and tons of silver tinsel, and decals of Santa, elves, reindeer, and snowmen. “Wait… Trees?! Our tree is right here!” Aria said as the camera rested on a tree that more LED light and ornament than actual tree at this point. An angel with a bugle pointed towards the ceiling, also covered in decals, was at the top. “And there are no stars!” Sonata nodded. “I meant the trees outside!” Aria said nothing and tapped on her phone, suddenly the laptop screen blazed so brightly Aria let out a startled yelp and quickly tapped on her phone to the light dimmed. Squinted, she noted that the flickering image on the laptop changed to something resembling an enchanted Christmas forest with a cement walkway going down the center. “The fuck did you get all those trees and decorations from?!” “Well, some of the decorations are from your hair!” Sonata said. “That’s just TWO things!” Aria cried. “It looks like you raided a Christmas tree farm and an entire department store worth of stuff out there!” Aria frowned heavily. “And remember you still need to behave, so please don’t say you actually did either of those things if you did or talk about where you get money from!” “Oh! Like how I have piggy banks just full of blood-soaked bills from people I kill!” “YES!” Aria snapped. “No more saying that stuff out loud to a public of millions of people, damn it!” “Well, I didn’t steal anything for realzies!” Sonata insisted. “Just… all these people just put the trees outside like they didn’t want them anymore!” “That’s ‘cause it’s past Christmas and they don’t, stupid,” Aria said. “Well, I rescued them!” Sonata said proudly. Aria shook her head. “They all got cut from their roots so we’re gonna have a yard full of dead ass-trees in a like a week.” Sonata leaned towards Aria and placed a finger against her lips. “Aria! Shhhhh… Not in front of the trees!” Aria rolled her eyes. “The trees aren’t here! That’s a video feed of the trees!” Aria said as she poked at her phone and the image on the laptop shifted back to that of the inside tree before panning back to Sonata and Aria. Her entire face tightened. “Also trees can’t hear anything because they’re fucking trees!” “But they’re Christmas trees!” Sonata said with a voice bounding with hope, wonder, and a Christmas spirit so unconquerable that it would clearly destroy all threats and leave them lying bloody and dying on a pile of ripped up Christmas gift wrapping and discarded boxes in front of a flickering Yule-log fire before any harm would come to it. Aria just sighed heavily and flicked at her phone slightly. “I am so mad you nerdy losers are upvoting like crazy at this exact moment…” she mumbled loud enough to be picked up. “What about all the decorations?!” “Oh! All the Christmas stuff is on clearance right now, so I broke open my piggy banks, ‘Waddles’ and ‘Oh, Sweet Baby Christ, not in the Face!’ and bought it all with my ‘Will Never be Solved, Ever!’ murder money.” Aria let out a sigh heavy with emotion, mostly frustration, and anger. She took a moment to simply glower out at Sonata with eyes that burned like blazing coal embers. “You’re lucky that snitches get stitches…” “And they get stabbed!” Sonata said gleefully as she pantomimed a stabbing with a large knife complete with twist at the end as she retracted it. Aria rolled her eyes. “Right, then they need stitches to fix the wounds!” Sonata giggled. “Only if you leave them in a place where the paramedics can find them!” Aria stared at Sonata blankly for a moment. “You know what… I changed my mind, it will be funny when you finally get arrested.” “Hmmm… not for the nice policemen, it won’t be,” Sonata said. “Did you know police holsters are designed so someone not wearing them can’t get the gun out, but that if you’re really stealthy you can stil—” ‘KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!’ “Oh MY~!” Sonata warbled as she put a hand up to her cheek and once again stared directly at the camera. “I wonder who can that be?!” “I told you we’re not doing any bits!” Aria snapped. “But, still…” Aria poked at her phone. “Lemme switch to the entryway camera so we can surprise peop—” “IT’S SUNSET FREAKIN’ SHIMMER, ARIA!” a furious cry came from outside. “OPEN UP! IT’S COLD AS BALLS OUT HERE AND WE’RE COVERED IN PINE NEEDLES FROM HAVING TO WALK WITH OUR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE YOUR LAWN IS APPARENTLY COMPETING WITH THE FUCKING SUN IN TERMS OF BRIGHTNESS!” “—le…” Aria said. “DAMNIT, SUNSET! I WAS DOING A THING!” “You said ‘no bits’!” Sonata whined. Aria nodded. “Right, but things are okay!” “OPEN THE DOOR ALREADY OR YOUR ‘THINGS’ AND ‘BITS’ ARE GOING TO TARGETS FOR MY ‘FISTS’ AND ‘FEET!’”