//------------------------------// // A late Christmas special: Pony 228: Star Tracker // Story: Deadpool in Equestria // by MrAquino //------------------------------// The roads of Canterlot were filled with joy, as Hearths Warming had arrived. Snow poured from the sky, as family's trotted, going to their relatives homes to open more gifts, spreading cheer for all to hear. However, amongst them, crowds parted as Deadpool angrily strolled through. *Mr. And Mrs.Cake* When a cold wind blows it chills you Chills you to the bone But there's nothing in nature that freezes your heart Like years of being alone *Fancy Pants* It paints you with indifference Like a lady paints with rouge *Jet Set and Uppercut* And the worst of the worst The most hated and cursed Is the one that we call Wade. *Snips and Snails* Unkind as any And the wrath of many This is that Deadpool, Wade. *Random ponies* Oh, there goes Mr. Humbug There goes Mr. Grim If they gave a prize for bein' mean the winner would be him *Handicapped ponies* Oh, Scroogey loves his money 'cause he thinks it gives him power If he became a flavor you can bet he would be sour Even the vegetables don't like him! *Griffins* There goes Mr. Skin flint There goes Mr. Greed *Recolored Cappers* The undisputed master of the underhanded deed *Random ponies* He charges folks a fortune for his dark and drafty services Us small folk live in misery It's even worse for those with curses "I͍͚͎͇̹͗́͂͘͠ j̡̨̩̘̜̫̖͇̬̞͋̃̓̏͌ų̸̻͇̲̟̾̀̆̈̓̒͟ͅs̡̩̝̹̩̦̮̪̖̀̏̽͒̊̎̓͟͡t̖̩̠̱̦̯̘̏͂̓̈́͒̅͋͘̕͞ w̸̢̲͙̫̻̗͎̥̼͗͛̈̊̋ą̷̭͈͇̯͓̫̹͉́̋́̇̔͋̚͢n̴̨̗͇̣͉̍̽͊̉̈́̊͐̆̕̚ṭ̷̨̛̳̤̪̞̃̌̓͛̂̀̄̕ ḩ̜̟̳̱̼͕͐̄͐́̏͠i̜͖̗̥͔̰̦̿̃͒̉͗̍s̸̢̨̗̩͇̹̻͈͖͓͗͑͋̀̔͛̂͊͞ s͉̫̻͙̟͆̓͆̏̏̽͋̓̔̓ơ̶̳̲͖̜̩̣̲͑̄̊̚͟ų̷̗̙̮̗̗̅̌̉̿̌̍̇̐̔͠l̶̰̬̰̥̜͇͇̪̰̿̀́̅͡!̶̺͚͚͚͓̣̙͖̐̔̾̀̓̽̆̕̕"" *Carolers* He must be so lonely He must be so sad He goes to extremes to convince us he's bad He's really a victim of fear and of pride Look close and there must be a sweet man inside ...Naaaah! Uh Uh *More ponies* There goes Mr. Outrage There goes Mr. Sneer *Button Mash with a puppet* He has no time for friends or fun His anger makes that clear *Workhorses* Don't ask him for a favor 'cause his nastiness increases No crust of bread for those in need *Cursed ponies* Ñ̡̧̯̼͚̰͙͚͈̹̏͋̄̏̇̑̔ȏ̷̲͓̣̳͇̯̖̝͉̋̽̊̒̕̚͡ ś̡̨̠̱͍̈́̃̏̚̕͜͝͝ő̵̳͚̠̱̠̠̟̻́̎̿̽͊͘͘̕̚͢u̧̡̟̝̱̬͋͗̎͂̋͛͂͆̔͡l̨̲̗̗̯̫̣͒̓͒̉̚͝ͅì̡̨̘̩̤̦͎̱͑͐͋͞é̶̢̡̛̛̻͇̳̖͑̓̋́s̖͚͖̝̖͂͑̑͞͠ ḟ̵͖͚͙͍́̈́̀͂̉̓͜o͕̺̝̹̺̽̔̈̈̓͟͡ŗ̜͔̤̮͇̩̩̈́̓́̅͜͞ͅ u̮͕̳̜̙͚̙̰͈͐̋͗̊͆̉̄̃͟ş̞͍̯̝̞̠̜̓̃͋́͆̔̕͢ͅ m̶̳͖̘͖̔̀̏̓͋͊̄̌͘͢ͅè͔͍͖̥͈͐̈̐͘͘͠͠e̩̪͇̦͇̪͈̠̿̄̌́̓͗͊̓͜ṣ̡̢̤͉̹͔̮̃͐̂͑͂̕͝͞͡ȩ̴̡̛̛̙̮̠͕̌͑͋̃̂̉͆̅s̥̞̺̬̪͐̒̀͟͝͞ *Everypony* There goes Mr. Heartless There goes Mr. Cruel He never gives, he only takes He lets this hunger rule If bein' mean's a way of life He'll practice and rehearse And all that work is paying off 'Cause Wade is getting worse! Every day, in every way, Wade's is getting worse "F**k ya'll just say!?" Deadpool yelled, turning to the ponies, surrounding him in front of the castle. Everypony turned and ran away. "... Humbug!" He entered the castle, shaking the snow off his body. "Yo! Mooncheeks! Ya'll here!? I came to wish you a Hearths Warming-" THWANG!!! Deadpool fell to the floor as Celestia hit the back of his head with a Frying Pan, Luna next to him. "You really think this will help out Hearth's Warming?" Celestia asked, cleaning the frying pan. "I'm sure, sister." Luna answered. "And hopefully, make somepony's dream come true." "... Think we should check?" "Oh yeah!" They both pulled a bottle out and drank it." Deadpool woke up to see that he small in a somewhat messy bedroom and- "Oh s**t! I'm in Tales from Tinies! MrAquino! Stop shoving your voraphilia agenda down my throat!" Uh... this isn't that... I was going to say that you're an action figure. "Wait, what!?" Oh my god! We're an awesome action figure! Indeed. Hope we're actually used by a child and not held on Display for some loser's room. ... Why are you all looking at me like that? But, ahem, yes, Deadpool was now an action figure, and next to him was a stallion, about a young adult, probably just have graduated from High school. His coat was light purple with an unkempt, dark yellow mane & tail, both with a bleached stripe in the middle of it. Like Deadpool, he too was a toy, but he seemed excited. The stallion approached to Deadpool with a huge smile. "Hi! I'm Star Tracker!" He spoke. Deadpool groaned and snapped his neck... but being a toy, it didn't do anything. "Is this a Hearth's Warming dream coming true!?" Deadpool leaned forwards to Star Tracker. "NO!!!" He delivered a hard punch to Star Tracker, launching him across the room. Star Tracker remained unphased "This is so cool!" Deadpool threw a car at him. "Wow, this is not as painful as I would-" A train was thrown at him. Star Tracker appeared next to Deapool, holding up a gun. "Grabbing this thing!" Deadpool groaned, picking the gun up and pulling the trigger, only for nothing to happen. "Bulls**t!" He threw the pistol at Star Tracker's face, who didn't blink. Star Tracker gave Deadpool a teddy bear. "Her you go, I got this for you!" Deadpool groaned. Luna looked around her. "Celestia?" She asked. "Are you here?" Celestia appeared right behind her, as a cat. "Nya!" "Really?" "What? It's my only time to goof off." "H̨͓̺̰̗̎̑̔͗̒̿̇̿ḛ̡̢̺̪̝̲̱̘͎̅͆̃͛̄̿̈̂y̢̛̹̫̬̗̬̪͔̺͂̊̎̏̎́͜͝ k̢̻͈͚͖͉̲̝̾̽̃̍͑͛̔̓͋͘͟͢n̨͈̪͔͔̈́͛͊̾̓̀͟u̴̙̜̜͔̝̜̞͛͒̽̐̎̈́͟͡c̸̡̼̱̩͕̼͚̜̋̇́̓̋̒͐̀̑́͟k̶͙̰̯͎̣̜͊̌͂͐̓̆͜͢͡ͅl̯̻̣͓͚͎̄̈̂̒̕e̵̙͈̞̭̟̞̘̾́̿͂͗̅̆̀͟͞ĥ̢̝̪̙̭̠̣̜̈́̌͐́͗̐ẻ̴̢̪̞̮͎̬͔̀́̓͡a̷͇͙̱̳̳̒̓̀̾̔͂̇d̷͎̘̗̞̤̂̇̀̈́́͜͢ŝ̡͖̝̱̜̩̓̐̑̄̃͐̕͠͠!̲̣̟̠̞̐́͛̅̐͝" A demon appeared with a roar, hopping to them. "Y̢͍̰̗̲̣̏̂̉͊̀͊͑̄̔ͅȯ̵̢̝̖͕̰͈͆̿̉̇̋̌͟͜u̖̭̝̩͍͎͇̠̺͒̆̍̿̕'̴̧̪̳͚͙͉͕̽̌̆͗̃̃̕͟͜͠r̡̛̼͈̹̪͖̓̾̀͛e̢̬̥̳̟͕̗̐̀͆́̈̌͋̕͢ ȧ̢̪̭̬͖̰͆̆͋̍̄́͜͢͜͢l̘̭͈̥͎̐͑̎̍̎̔̉̊́̕l̷̛̞͓̥̣̦̥̈̆̀̚ ḽ̴̳͈̥͖̤͙̎͌̆̓̇̄̕̕͝ŏ̷̡̰̼̼̗̌̀͆̈́͘͠s̸̗̱̪̹̲̬̬̤̥̿̅̓̆̓̄͊̚͜͠ḛ̡̢̭̺̇̀̉̀͑͊̆͂͐ŕ̡̯͔͙͉̮̻̰̰͗̋͊̋͗̿̿̊͝ş̸̠̖͇͕͙̅̏͋̽̌̿͆͝͡!̷̲͓̟͉̗̭̾̀͆̒̂͊̉͑̓̕ I̤͎͎̗̗̩̥̬͂̎̀́̈͠ͅͅ'̷̢̻͈̺̦̹̲͈̥̃͋̓͆͘͝m̮̭̺̳̩͓̼̘̍̓͋́͋̈̂ g̨̬̣̥͕̪̜̖̣̳͐͐̍̌̊̀͡ǫ̛̙̟͎͐́̽̇͋̀̀̕͘͟ņ͈͙͖̙̺̲͈͉͔̀̐͆͂͋̏͋͗n̨̩̯̫̤̔̿̂͗̂͋̿͑͜ą̙̜̯̼̝̩̟̿̈́͂͛̍̕͠͠ ḫ̢̭͔͇̤̘̙̻͋̄͒̇͋̔̄̚ͅę̷̛̠̻̘̥͔͖̠̄̈̉̚͟͢a̢̨̨͕̲̓̐͐̽̚͡d̢̨͙̹͔͓̱̗̆͋̅̆́͆̈̽̓͢͜͞b̶̢͕̩̗̩̬̱̱̣́̐̽̅͆̓̑̓ų̡̲̰̤̤̐͂͐̈̀̄̂̀̃͜͢ṯ̥̫̼̻͎̠̿́͂̽̈́̉̉̕̕͢͡t̸͎̯̩̠̰͓͖̝̬̏́͗̾̊ͅ y̩͍͙͚͎͓̏̆̎̍́̋̍̅͂͜ͅa̵̢͇̞̰̔͗̐̾͘͢͞͡͞!̷̧̛̺͕̖̬̩̀̏̇̓͢ͅ Ḯ̸̡̢̝̮̳̊̐̇̉̾͒̕͟'̷̨̛̫͙͖̤̝̺̠͑͑̒͆̂͐̾̀͢͞m̛̖͎̠̝̙̤̻̲̟̓͑̆͒̿̐̾ ǵ̵̺̳͍̞̬̠͐͋͋͢͠o͓̠͕̱̟͐̀̒̂̐̋͛̍̃n̞̩̫͍͉͕͌̓͋́̀ǹ̛̦̦͍̭͚̹̘̓̑͗̍́a̯͇̠͍̻̅̌̋̌̊͐̿̊͠-͉̗͍͖͇͉͉̭̑̇̆̓̾!̧͉̝͕̺͑͛̃͑̌̕" The demon stopped in front of Celestia. With a mischievous smile, she blasted Luna out of the way with her magic, right as the demon exploded. "Hey!" Luna yelled. Celestia turned with her smile. With only a pancake and a baseball bat, Luna made a machine gun. "I'm the dream master here." She blasted a barrage of bullets into Celestia, who took it all like a sponge. The machine gune ran out of bullets, in which Luna leapt to the weapon and tore it apart. She made another smile, with Luna frowning. Both Deadpool and Star Tracker stood together on a counter. "Hey! Deadpool!" Star Tracker spoke. "Watch this!" Star Tracker began to dance in front of Deadpool, though, it was Twilight dancing levels type of bad. Luckily, it ended, as he pointed at Cable, on the floor, bleeding out. "HELP!!!" Cable yelled. Star Tracker threw a bottle of pills at Cable, which exploded, throwing the mutant across the room and splattering on the wall, and a huge holler was heard. Deadpool was picked up by Rick and Morty's Bird Person, who kept saying "The bird is the word", as Star Tracker was approached by tortoises. "Aww! Aren't you all so-" The tortoise tackled Star Tracker, making him fall off the counter. "AHH!!!" He landed right on the back of a derp eyed Queen Novo Hippogriff. "... Yay! I'm saved!" His saviour lifted it's tail and farted, which bursted into flame, and made it into a rocket. Deadpool, however, was taken to Bird Person's nest, where he was surrounded by turtles. One of them tackled Deadpool. "Ah! Someone save me from the weak, defenseless turtles!" He pleaded. His answer came from Star Tracker screaming, with the Novo rocket hitting the nest, and making it explode. Both fell down from the sky and screamed their heads off, feeling like it was an hour of falling. Deadpool landed straight into the floor, with Star Tracker hitting on the handles of a desk, with the top being regular, the second having some cacti, the third being flowers, the 4th being shot by turrets, and hitting where nuts would be on the final one, falling and wheezing in pain. Celestia was dressed up as a gangsta with Luna. "Yo U Godda Daye Dose Shoos Bluu + cream SSSSSunn, Bluu + cream! Butt mayc sho yu geet paanz and a half 2 mach! Or else that s**t would look silly, yo!" Luna grabbed Celestia's face and threw her into a chest. "Why did I even bring her here?" She asked herself. Looking to her side was nothing. Below was a drug addict, and above was JPeg of some cat. She opened the chest, only to see a Storm Trooper Helmet. "Boo!" A random Biker yelled, kicking Luna, and making her neck snap at the edge of the chest. M-Ma-Ma-Monster Kill!!! The biker drove away, but gave Celestia a high five. Luna got up and slapped Celestia in her face. "HELP!!!" Star Tracker screamed. "No!" Deadpool replied. "Ok..." "Pills here!" The voice of an old man yelled. "Uh oh! A smoker!" Sure enough, an old man with a cigarette fell next to Star Tracker. "SMOKER!!!" He screamed his head off. "Goddammit!" The old man slapped Star Tracker, making his face look like Arnold Schwarzenegger. "A spy!?" Deadpool asked. "Yeah." The two had a stare down, but was interrupted by Star Tracker, who had a bottle of pills. "Ooh! Candy!" He cheered, opening the bottle and drinking it all down... only to then get ripped. Being so ripped, he punched Deadpool and the old man, with the latter getting stuck to a wall, and the former smacking into a giant computer. Star Tracker put on some sunglasses. "It's time to kick ass and kick ass... and I'm all out of kick ass!" Due to MrAquino's laziness and the need to upload a Christmas special, we will cut to the ending, as this is is just a ripoff of Kitty0706's Holiday special with the Heavy Weapons Guy. RIP, Kitty. "Faust bless us, everyone!" Star Tracker yelled, wearing a copy of Deadpool's mask. Deadpool picked up Star Tracker and place him on his lap. *Deadpool* Well, I've met someone who touched my soul And made my world brand new *Deadpool and Star Tracker* There's part of me, a place inside That now belongs to you The love we found The love we found We carry with us So we're never quite alone *Everypony* The love we found The love we found The sweetest dream that we have ever known The love we found The love we found We carry with us So we're never quite alone