Letting Go
Chapter 9: Not All Clouds Rain
Roccoroccs
7/7/2018 7:46am
(pre-edit)
Pegasi are in charge of the weather throughout all of, with the few rare exceptions, Equestria. They bring in the snow clouds for winter, buck back the clouds for spring and move in the rain when it is needed. Their habits and commands are so common place that they are rarely looked at with little more than inconvenience or mild delight. Set in stone, almost never altered and always on time... with the rare exception.
Being a Pegasus is not all work and weather, even though it may seem that way. We are the only ponies who can flight and manage the various clouds needed to keep Equestria looking beautiful. Then again, it is never without command from on high in Canterlot. Ironic how ponies with wings can represent freedom and command over the elements, yet can only do so with direct orders.
Then again... there is the rare exception. When there is a Pegasi holiday or a major event that only directly impacts the Pegasi community as a whole, they are allowed within reason to dictate the weather. It is the only time outside times of war or extreme threat that they can do so without permission or notice. Be it localized or all over equestria, they have the numbers and the power to alter the weather as needed.
Today, was one of those rare exceptions. With a brief, yet welcomed reprieve from the cold rain and clouds, the weather team on shift had cleared a small patch of clouds overhead, letting the sun bathe the winter landscape in a beautiful show of white. Sunlight seemed to radiate off the ground as if it were a mirror, bringing out the color in even the bark of trees.
I stood in a world all too beautiful for me to behold as I squinted from the bright white snow that I was standing fetlock deep in. A pretty as everything was and as perfect the day had been made by the weather team, I couldn't appreciate it in my state. I stood before a ivory inlaid and maple casket with gold gilded edges among only a hoof-full of ponies who could make it to the morning service. Mostly ponies from my father's shop and one old friend of his from the Equestrian Guard stood silently beside me as the final words were spoke.
The scene was all too familiar to me, right down to the blood stain ivory cardinal the workers from my father's shop had seen fit to inlay into the lid. It was a spitting image of my mother's coffin that undoubtedly lay on the other side of him, waiting for my father to join her in the Everafter. We stood patiently as the final words were said with only the odd sniff to break the calm on this somber Tuesday morning.
"Brothers and sisters... I was once told a story of two song birds. Alone they would sing across the great valley along with the others as they waited for the sun to set. Together they flew alone, sang alone and spent their nights alone as others did the same in pairs. Everypony, their songs were as gray as the world that they saw when they were alone, carrying the melody of sorrow when they sang. With all the other birds singing their songs so sweetly, the only solace they took was in each other's hollowed voices heard from across the valley. A rare sound in a world so sweet and pure.
One day one of the song birds couldn't take the loneliness any more and flew from his perch to the far side of the valley. Now, to us and the rest of the Pegasi, this seems like a simple gesture of greeting, but for them, it was the start of something truly beautiful.
The two found one another and began to sing a song of togetherness... once more. All the other birds in the valley sat quiet as they were united in harmony, singing perfectly in key... together. Their songs were no longer somber, their tones were high and carried hope with every verse.
You see, everypony... It was because the two cardinals had been apart for so long. Forced apart long before our story began by the pains of life. The valley that separated them was not just a valley, but the valley of life... and death. Brothers and Sisters we are here today in morning, crying our tears of sorrow as the rest of the world turns. But let us not forget that just because we lost a beautiful song bird... That same song bird was reunited with his sweet Cardinal on the other side of that great valley."
No sweeter, nor truer, words have every been spoken about my parents, or anypony else for that matter. As the casket was slowly lowered to its finally resting place beside my mother's, I smiled knowing that after all this time, they were together again. There would be time for pain later, for now I just wanted to enjoy the sunshine and wonder if the two cardinals I had seen the other day were my parents reuniting for the first time, in a long time.
I had become so lost in my own little world of wonder and thought that when an old friend of my father's tapped my shoulder, I nearly came out of my skin. I didn't even hear him! Then again, I should not be surprised that a pegasus whose soul job in the forces is to track down Zebras found a way to sneak up on me.
"Whoa now, Caskade... It's just me." Backtrack said in his dulcet tones.
"I was... I just... Hi." Great, awesome, wonderful first introduction Cask... Good job.
"I take it I took you off guard?" He asked as he extended a hoof to help me up.
"A bit... What are you doing here? Last my dad said you were being stationed near the borderlands."
"Well... Were I was and where I said I was is on a need to know basis... At any rate, once I received word that Splint had passed away, I was placed on leave to handle the affairs."
"Affairs? You mean come to the funeral." I said flatly.
"Yes and no. Yes to come to the funeral and not just for that. You father placed me as head of his estate not long after your mother passed."
"You!? He placed YOU, and not me?"
"Cask, you are seventeen... Legally speaking you have no say in manners of his estate according to the law. He placed me as your godfather in the event he passed before you came of age. Call it... Intuition. Between you and I, I think that once you lose somepony, you start thinking."
"Thinking of leaving a colt behind with nopony to run to... At least he thought of that." I said.
"Today is probably not the best time to be having this conversation, what do you say you come by the old dinner in Feathertown Square tomorrow and we can discuss this further. Say three o'clock?"
"I can't... I have to go to Whistle's parents house..." I groaned.
"Oh no... I know that look. I take it they don't like you much?"
"No... Just are ass of a father. I don't even know why he wants me there, the whole thing reeks of a trap or something. We even got into a fight the last time I was there, straight up, hoof to hoof kinda fight."
"Who won?"
"Com'on with that... Point is, I have to be there, if not because they asked me... then because I know Whistles needs me there."
"Well, then how about afterwards then? Say at your dads... I mean." Backtrack screwed up his face on the words he was choking on.
"No, no... It's my dad's house. It will always be my dad's to me."
"Ok, Cask. Why don't I meet you there later tonight then."
"Y-yeah. I could do that."
"Good, good. But if you don't show, I'm coming to clouds dale looking for you." He said giving me a shove. "Until then, it looks like you have your own affairs to put in order." He said looking across the grass to the employees of my father's furniture store. "Have you figured out what you are going to do yet?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Well, with him gone, they are going to be looking to you for leadership. Somepony is going to have to fill his shoes, even if it is not you."
"Oh shit..." I had completely forgotten that with dad gone, his store and by extension his employees would be undoubtedly be left without leadership. And they were being left with a seventeen year old at the helm of a successful business. There was no question that they would be willing to work for me, but the chances of me knowing what to do at all were slim to none.
"Oh shit is right. I know you are going through a lot right now, and I can help you as much as I am able, but something tells me that you need to be the one to put this fire out before it starts."
"What do I do? I don't know how to run a business!? I don't even know the first thing about it!"
"Well, your father pretty much left everything to you in his will. I am just in charge of the transfer of the assets, what you do with them is up to you. But just one buck to another... If I were you, I would put myself in my father's shoes and do what he would do." He said as he began to hover for take off.
"I will... thanks." I said as I trotted towards Whistles who had been cornered by my dads receptionist. Well, receptionist is probably a bad term for what she does... As far as I knew, she just took orders and mailed out the bills... I knew her because when I was little, she used to keep her tail trimmed just short enough to not leave anything to the imagination. No matter how much time I had spent around her, things always became awkward after a few seconds of talking to her. Before I could motion for Whistles to come along with me so I could make a get away, I was spotted. So much for trying to avoid this for another day...
"Oh..! Caskade... We are so sorry about your father..." She said in a teary eye'd expression as she ran to hug me. Not everypony could make it to the mid-morning service from the expansive work shop, but the few who did show i had come to know as my fathers chosen few. Hoof picked and trained by himself, the small hoof full of them held him in high regard by their visibly shaken state. Belle on the other hoof was beside herself with morning.
"Uhf! It... It's ok... He is in a better place." The words felt hollow to me, but I wanted them to mean exactly what I was saying so badly that I forced a faking tone.
"He was a great buck to work for. I trust you know we all saw him as a friend." Dovetail said as he stepped forward to offer a hoof to the shoulder.
"He was more than a friend, he was like a father to all of us. It feels like just yesterday that he pulled me out of that bar, cleaned me up and gave me a job sweeping up after hours. Now look at me, I run the deliveries and set ups for all of Canterlot." Hauler said as he and the rest of the small group closed the gap on me. Whistles stood silently to the side and watched as the out pouring of love and fond memories bathed me.
"He helped rebuild our kitchen when our home caught fire last month! He even gave us a entire dining room set to replace the ones that burned!" Peg said as she hugged her husband close.
"I don't think there was a pony anywhere your father wouldn't help if he could. He was a great buck!"
It was truly amazing to hear all the things that everypony had to say about my dad. But it was all made bitter by the only thoughts of him that I had. He was never home, I was never there... Yet he had all the time in the world to help everypony else, except me and himself. I wanted to be angry, I wanted to scream that he was only the buck everyone saw, but another emotion within me was fighting for control over my focus. It was pride. I was proud that I had a father as giving and caring as ponies of old. Even with my hang ups on who he was at home, I could not help but feel thankful that he was being remembered as such a great buck.
"Thank you, thank you all so much." I said, trying to gain freedom to make my escape.
"We don't know what we will do without him." Router said from the back of the pack.
"Yeah! He handled all of the sales for the area! Without him the store will not continue doing business!" Belle said as she must have sensed my want to leave and hugged my tighter.
"Wait... Who is going to run the store if..." I looked across the crowd of faces looking to me in fear that they were soon about to lose their jobs. For the first time in my life I was being faced with the one thing I feared the most... Responsibility.
This was going to suck! I just know I'm going to fuck all this up somehow... Think! What would dad do...
He would help them... But how!? As far as I know my dad would just take up the slack and do it himself if things got out of hoof, but what could I do? I didn't know the first thing about business! Ok... Deep breath... Obviously the employees came first in the business, without them there would not be a business. He said it every time he would give one of his mind numbing speeches to 'the troops' . My dad trusted everyone he worked with and had working with him, he had to. My dad trusted them...
"Ok... Listen up everypony. I know this is not the time nor the place for this sort of thing. It's Tuesday, we just buried a buck that meant a lot to all of us and nopony is in a good place to make a decision one stuff like this. So, this is going to have to be a work it out as we go kind of thing." I said, faking my way though seeming to be both assertive and confident. I just had to hope that none of them saw that I had no clue what I was doing. "That being said... I think it would be best if we took the rest of the day off to think about what we all can and can not do. Obviously we are going to have to figure out how to run the show without... him?"
"But with out... him, how are we going know which orders to fill first! Your father was over all of the production list and gave out the assignments." Router shouted from the back.
"Who here is head of production? And who took care of the paperwork?" I asked sternly.
"That would be Dovetail, and I always handled Mr. Splint's paperwork." Belle said pointing a hoof to the forlorn looking buck.
"Me!? I just controlled the workshop and helped him fill orders... and come up with new designs... and... pretty much everything thing else he did." He said, falling to his haunches.
"The job is your's if you want it." I asked as I backed away from the crowd.
"I could try, but I don't see how-" He started.
"Cask, sweetie... I know you want to fill your father's shoes, but please don't take our worry for incompetence. Trust me, we can run the shop just fine and business will go on as usual. But I think it is clear that everypony is wondering something... else." Belle said pulling me to the side.
"Something like what? Exactly?"
"Honey, don't make me come right out and ask it here..."
"What, now I have to know. You can't just leave me wondering what's wrong with you guys."
"Caskade... Everypony is worried now that your father is gone, that you might..." She began, seeming physically pained to be asking me this.
"No, I'm not going to sell the business and put you all out of a job. That would just be... wrong."
"Kade please forgive us, but we have seen many-a-young-buck inherent a business and sell it off for a profit. You have never really taken any interest in the place so we thought..." Dovetail said, flanking Belle's advancement.
"So I'm just expected to come in there and sell off the place right from under everypony my father helped, trained and respect, for a quick bit?" I said through my teeth. As much as I understood where the worry would come from, the fact that they would think so low of me nearly set me on fire.
"No! No! that's not what we meant at all!" Belle shouted.
"Then what!? Why would you even think something like that!? Just because I don't like building and selling furniture, I'm just going to toss something my dad built with his own hooves to the wolves!? How could you think something like that!?" I was now shouting... right in front of my parents grave. Belle and Dovetail looked on in horror as they saw their jobs slipping away with every word I said. It was clear now that I was the only living pony in my family left and that I would stand to take over the family business. It was also clear that being in such a position was affording me the final say in a conversation, rearguards if I was right or wrong.
Everything I said had a reaction with the two ponies standing right in front of me, everything. They were trying to read me like a book as my anger grew, waiting for me to scream at them that they were fired or docked a days wages... It was... awful. One look back to Whistles was all it took for me to see that I was handling my first duty as their boss in the worst possible way. Almost like a cold bucket of water, I was shocked back into place like colt who had just mouthed off to his teacher.
Is this what ponies get off on? Power to lord over others? Even with my anger at full hilt, I felt that everything I was doing was being judged by them as if I were to say the wrong thing would mean to lose their jobs. They were right to be scared, I know I would be if I where in their place. Some of them had families, little colts and fillies even. They had a lot more to loose from a job loss than I did. It was no small wonder that all of these thoughts found a way to clear my brain and steady my anger.
"Look... It has been a rough week... I found out my dad was a drug addict, dying and here we are at his grave, to put it bluntly. On top of that, I have been having my own problems that just seem to be getting worse by the moment. I'm stress, depressed, scared, tired and hungry. I didn't mean to go off on you like that, so I'm sorry." I said as I turned to Whistles who was nodding approvingly. "You all look to have had just as bad of day as me..." I said as I paused to look across all of them. I had to fix this, fast! What would dad do?
"We have... been stressed." Belle said, looking at me from beneath her bangs.
"Tell me about it... Who here has a family waiting for them at home? Kids? Husbands, wives?" I asked in my fake confidence that said I knew what I was doing.
"We all do in some way or another." Dovetail said from behind everypony. What the hell, he ran and hid!?
"How about this... Everypony go home. Be with them. Be grateful for them and just... spend time with them. Tell the ponies at the shop do the same."
"But... What about the Canterlot order?" They all seemed to say in their own little worried ways.
"There is more to life than work. My dad seemed to have forgotten that fact..." That did it, nopony was worried anymore, but I bet they were the saddest workers who had ever been given the day off. "Now, go home. We will do it as a day off with pay."
"You mean PTO?" Belle asked.
"Whatever... Open the place up tomorrow at noon or something. Just go and enjoy your families, I think we could all use a little of that right now. And no, to answer THAT question. I have no plans to sell the business, now or ever. I might not be there all the time, or in fact at all, but the show will go on. So stop worrying and get out of here." I said as I trotted off.
Seemingly happy faces fell across the group as they took a breath of relief and dispersed, hopefully heading home. I trotted along side Whistles towards town, not making a sound and all the while holding a face of stern confidence in a job well done. Whistles on the other hoof had become uncommonly chatty, talking about everything that had gone on today and by extension, the conversation we had just had with the workers.
"That was really good Cask, I was worried at first, you looked like you were loosing your cool, but you pulled it together in the end! You did a... a... good good job!" She said smiling. Just a little bit further till they can't see us... just over this hill... "And the way you turned everything around at the end, giving them the day off! Good, good, good!" My hoof was inches away from me being out of sight from everypony in the cemetery, just a little further... "Telling them to go and be with their families, that was just so... so... SWEET OF YOU!" Finally!
I fell to the ground and curled into a tiny ball and began rocking back and forth, twitching uncontrollably. I almost fired everypony because I was mad! I had a taste of power and it nearly went right to my head and ruined a bunch of lives! All over me getting offended!? How can other ponies deal with this kind of stress!?
"I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing!" I said over and over to myself.
"CASK! CASK WHAT'S WRONG!?" Whistle said over and over, but my brain was now in full on panic mode.
"One-second-I'm-firing-ponies-the-next-I'm-coddling-them! I-I-I-I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing!"
"Caskade! Snap out of it!" A firm hoof found my cheek and broke my train of derailment, snapping me back to reality. It also had the added effect of sending my noodle of a body rolling down the hillside to the busy street below. Sky, ground, sky, ground, sky, ditch. From my new and spinning view of the world above me, I found time to reflect upon the day's events. My father, Splint, was gone. Sure I had never actually had a fulfilling relationship with my dad since mom died, but nevertheless, the emotions were still there. Almost like a candle in a dark room, vaguely lighting everything around me, but never enough for me to find anything.
What was I to do now!? I don't know anything about living on my own. Well... I did feed myself already, but what about bills? Doctors appointments? Running a business? I don't even know HOW to get a job, let alone give jobs to other ponies! What if I mess up a order or what if we don't make enough money to keep it running? I can't fire somepony over something like that, I can't even get past trivial emotions to make a sound decisions! And what about Whistles, I can barely take car of myself as it is! Even without all this new and 'exciting' crap coming my way, how will I take care of her!?
Neither of us wanted to admit it, but Whistles had a hard enough time getting by even with me by her side.Now with everything going on, I would not be surprised if our time together became strained if not stretched to the breaking point. She can't manage on her own, not like I could and that is in no way a complement to myself. Not to mention that even with her parents seeming to come around to my presents in her life, it was still going to be a long time before I gained any kind of acceptance from... well lets face it. Her father is a seething asshole who is hell bent on ruining everything the two of us have come to know and love about each other.
"Cask! Cask! Oh, please don't cry! It's... It's all going to be just fine! I pr-promise! I will help!" Whistles said as she stroked my mane in that all-to-familiar way I had come to love.
"I'm Not Crying!" I screamed through a broken and clearly crying voice. Celestia... Why do I cry so much these days?
"Oh... You are too." She said as she helped me to my hooves. "Come now, I'll take you home and help you get cleaned up. We have to be at mom and dad's by six."
"Bu... But."
"No buts. we were invited and... and... darn it! We need to go." Whistle said as she took a very uncommon firm stance.
It was no mystery as to why I did not want to go there to anypony. I hated her father and as sweet as she could be, I really held resentment towards her mother for standing by and not doing anything. So to say that spending any amount of time near either of them was akin to torture, was a vast understatement. But where was all of this confidence coming from whistles all of a sudden. The meek mare whose charmingly calm and shy demeanor that I had come to know and love so very much had seemed to harden to stone in the blink of an eye. It was as if she was not so much faking it, but more so forcing herself to be more assertive and strong in my mental absence.
"Whistles, why are you acting that way?"
"What way?" She replied, shying away as if her action had betrayed her.
"I know that I am not... ME right now, but there is no need to try and pull up the slack because of it."
"I... Just... OH! Cask, I know you need this right now. I'm sorry."
"Hey... Don't be like that. Yes, right now it would be great to go on auto pilot and just... forget everything for a few weeks. Just... Lock the door and be my oh-so mopey self for a while and let somepony else figure all this out. But I don't want that somepony to be you."
"You... You don't want me to help... you?" She said in a rusty tone that usually preludes a bout of tears that I am powerless to stop.
"No, not that way. I need you to just be... you. That's what is going to help me more than anything. I NEED you. There is no need to fake it, you are perfect the way you are."
With that I was greeted with a small smile and a nuzzle to the cheek. Cheesy I know, but for all or not, it was true. The last thing I needed right now, no matter how much I wanted it, was for somepony else to stand in the fire for me. Especially not her. The two of us found our way to my da... MY home and spent the next few hours taking in everything that day had thrown at us. So much had happened in such a short time that I had started having nightmares and panic attacks when I would sleep. This had made my life a never ending roller-coaster of brief moments of excitement followed by long periods of pain and anguish. Most nights I would wake up and bolt upright in bed, frantically searching the sheet for Whistles, only to remember that she had returned home. This made for more than a fair share of sleepless nights.
In fact, the only time I was able to get any sleep at all was when she was near me. I kept telling myself that it was the only time that I knew that she was truly safe or the only time that I knew that I could protect her. But as time has worn on... I'm not so sure that she is not the one protecting me or keeping me safe. I had managed for so long on my own, if not by circumstance, then by choice. But now I was being given a whole new life, one that was truly on my own. I was sure that I could manage it somehow but that still did not change the fact that it was going to be scary. For some reason, even with her needs, her being by my side somehow calmed my nerves. I guess it was the knowing that I was not 'truly' alone.
"Kade? Sweetie?"
I cracked my eyes expecting to see my mother, but was instead met with just as welcome of a sight. I had dosed off on the couch, my head resting in her lap while she played with my mane. I can not even begin to describe how relaxing it was. I felt like I had slept for days in the span of only a few hours. Then again, when you haven't slept well in nearly a week, any good rest feels like a vacation.
"Huh? Wha?" I grumbled.
"It's time to go."
"I-don-wana." I said as I curled up to my very fluffy pillow of belly fluff.
"You know we have to. I promise that everything will be ok." Whistle said as she nudged me upright.
"Ugh... fine." I said in protest as I lifted myself from the couch and began readying myself for the worlds most awkward dinner date.
"Caskade, I am so sorry about your father dear. I wish I could say that I knew what you are going through." Whisper said as she cleared the table. Of course no dinner party would be complete without a utterly depressing story about losing somepony.
"Well aint that just a tough run of luck... Sorry to hear it." Rain said with a suck of his teeth. Even though he had been mostly civil through out the evening, more than a few of his remarks were less than sugar coated. As Whistles had told me more than once, 'he knows exactly where the line is and loves to scream across it'.
"Yeah..." I meeked out.
"Rain! The poor boy lost his father! I would say that requires far more than 'shame'."
"What do you want me to say!? I hate this lovey emotional crap!" Rain shouted back, barely containing his anger.
"I want you to show that you give a damn! Not this vile your spiting."
"Oh please... Caskade is nearly a grown buck! When I was his age I was working sixty five hours a week, or did you forget?"
"How could I with you always bring it up..." She seemed mumble under her breath
"I worked my hooves to the bone! Even when my dad died I still went to work. That's what we did back then, we worked through our problems, not sit and cry about them forever! Caskade here is a strong buck, he will get over it. But my generation was built hard, your 'successful' father knew that." He said as he took another drink from his beer. I honestly don't know how to feel about that statement. I was both offended and taken aback by it. He had somehow managed to insult me without knowing and complement me at the same time. I guess my perplexed look did not go unnoticed by the group of them, because the two very angry mares were staring daggers into Rain with lethal intent.
"Rain! That's enough!"
"Oh com'on hun... I'm just being honest, or is that not what you want?"
"You know damn well what you are doing." Whisper hissed.
"If the boy can't handle the truth, then how is he going to handle taking care out OUR daughter?"
"Cask takes good care of me..." Whistles nearly whispered. The three of us stood shocked, not only by the fact that the normally silent mare had spoke, but done so in defiance of the one pony she could not bare to stand up to.
"Oh he does, does he? Well, then its no surprise you spend so much time with him. You would be the type that would need somepony to take care of you after all." Rain spat out. Well that didn't take long. I know that the stages of grief go by fast, but I had not expected to jump straight to anger so quickly. Before Whisper could so much as inhale to shout his name, I had collected my thoughts and aimed them right where I knew they would hurt the most.
"From what I have seen, she seems to be handling herself just fine now... But even if she needed me there, I would be right by her side. I'm sure we can afford to take care of anything else that comes our way. After all, MY father was... Successful?" I narrowed my eyes into the best spoiled rich kid glare that I could now afford and gave the most satisfied smirk I could.
"Now what is that supposed to mean... exactly?" He asked, leaning across the table.
"It means that Whistles will be in good hooves... with me." I replied, leaning forward. Rain began tapping his bottle of beer on the table, slowly at first but soon so hard that the amber foam began to run down his clinched hoof.
Call it bloated ego, or you could call it having enough of Rain's crap, either way I am more than tolerant to put up with both and keep my mouth shut. But when you start mindlessly aiming your hate at Whistles, now you have found the one sure fire way to piss me off.
"Well if you two are so intent on staying together and if you feel like you can take care of her... then do it." He said as he fell back in his chair.
"Maybe I will."
Rain locked eyes with me and just like that, everything came crashing home. I was in this bucks house, I was eating his food, I was sitting at his table and I was telling him that he is a bad father and that Whistles was better off with me. If I pushed my luck, this dinner could turn into a blood bath before I had the chance to hightail it out of here.
"Well... this calls for a drink." Rain said as he stood and reached for his jacket.
"Oh you can not be serious!" Whisper shouted after him.
"The boy says he can handle her now dear! No need for me to be here." And with that, he slammed the door, leaving me to think about just how bad I had screwed the pooch this time. What was with that guy!? It's like he knew exactly what to say or do to bait me into being the worst pony on earth. Things I never could even dream of doing or saying came out of me as if I were chatting with my worst enemy. Worst of all, I liked it. I looked back to Whistles for reassurance, but all I saw was her staring at her half eaten plate of fried apples, looking just as lost as I had found her.
"I-I should go..." I said as I stood.
"No dear... you need to stay for at least another hour. Might be best if you gave him enough time to calm down before you left." Whisper said as she pushed me back into the chair.
"I'm so... so sorry. I don't know what came over me."
"I do." Whistles said quietly.
"Hunny, why don't you go to your room for a little while. I think it would be best if Caskade and I have a little chat together."
"But I don't want to mom."
"Please. We need some time alone. I'll be in there shortly. Cask, join me?" She asked as she opened the door to the back porch.
Whistles did as she was asked and I followed her mother onto the dimly lit back porch. Behind me I heard the door shut softly, followed by hoofsteps creeping their way closer. I didn't show it at the time, but I was ready to jump out of my skin, I was in the perfect spot to be attacked from behind. I had willingly trotted right into a trap nonetheless! So when I felt a hoof to my back, It was no surprise that I jumped... I might have even pee'd a little. I'm not proud of it, but it happened.
"Cask! Great ruffled feathers son!" Whisper said laughing.
"Sorry... I'm still a little nervous after all that..."
"Just calm down... I know Rain can be... Well, Rain. But you did fine."
"Why would you say that?" I said, again taken aback.
"Say what?"
"You act like I am doing everything right all the time, but the moment he is around it's like you are barely holding back. It's like you just... let it happen."
"Hunny... There is a lot that you need to learn about life. Rain and I... We come from a different time. Bucks and mares acted very differently back when we were younger."
"What is there to learn!? He is an asshole! He treats you and Whistles like trash that he has to deal with everyday and you just... you just take it like it's nothing! Whistle deserves better, YOU deserve better! Why are you even with him?"
"Because I don't want to be alone."
"Alone is better than this!" I was now pounding my hooves into the railing. How could she just sit by while Rain was ruining their lives.
"Not always, Cask... It's no secret that Whistle is... Special. It's not just because of rain, it's because she is everything like her mother."
"You? You were like her when you were younger?"
"A few million years ago... when I was just a kid myself. Yes."
"But... But..."
"I know, nothing like it now. I have to hear that with every old face I see. 'you're so much better now!' and 'wow you really changed!'. Seems like every pony has something to say about my new found... chattiness. My point is, it wasn't until I met Rain that I came out of my shell."
"You say that, because he helped you come out of your shell, that gives him the right to treat you like this!?"
"No hun... Whistles and I are very much so alike because when we hang our star on somepony, it's like we are cursed to be with them forever. My brain screams at me everyday to just take her and just... run. Start a new life some where."
"Well, listen to it damn it!"
"Oh please... I'm much too old for that. Besides, the heart wants, what the heart wants. Rain always had my heart, I fell for him hard... I just wish he had done the same."
"But you coul-" I stated but was cut short.
"My point to all this is that I see how she looks at you, she has those same star struck eyes I had, the same ones your mother had. The difference between her and me is that you look at her like your father looked at your mother."
"What are you on about?"
"I mean you two are hopeless." She said with a laugh. "She is lucky to have somepony like you in her life. As much as I don't want to prove Rain right, she NEEDS somepony like you."
"Yeah... I was thinking about that. I'm not so sure that I'm not the one that needs her."
"Don't worry, I know you are hurting right now, but the pain will fade. If you ever think for even a moment that it wont, just look to Whistles... She will show you that things are not that bad and that you are not alone."
"So now what do we do? I pissed Rain off. You seem cool, but I think all I did was make things worse."
"I think you, me and Whistles needs to have a talk about getting her out of here."
I nearly fainted. Get her out of here!? Like... come and stay with me!? Forever!? My insides began the most insane battle with itself with her very mentioning of the idea. Sure she had stayed with me off and on for a while, but knowing that she didn't have to come back to this hellhole ever again if she did not want too. No more Rain, no more crying herself to sleep and best of all... no more time apart. I was jumping for joy. But then there was the part of me I hated, the part that screamed that this was a terrible idea. Even through my elation I knew that this would put me right in the crosshairs of Rain and his temper. What if he just took Whistles away from me and her mother, foalnapped her even? How was I going to support the two of us? Sure I had money now, but what if it dried up tomorrow?
All of my thoughts collided in a internal struggle that sent shivers down my spine. What if I fucked this all up some how! How would we make it through if times got hard... NO, Cask... You got this. Between the two of us we would make it work, the two of us could do anything together if we tried hard enough. I love this mare and there is nothing I would not do for her if she needed it. I can do this... I can do this.
"What about rain?" I asked, trying my hardest to hide my panic attack.
"What about him? He seemed to give you the best blessing you are going to get. Honestly... I think with you two happy and away from here... he might change. Maybe for the better." Was I hearing that right? Was she really insinuating that if I took her daughter and left, she and rain might have a better relationship!? How cruel, how conceded, how... how could you put your own life ahead of your daughter's?
"How... how could you say something like that?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean how could you put your hopes above your own daughter's!? The fact that you want her to come and live with me just for your own selfish wants! After everything that has happened, after everything he has done to you, after everything he as done to her! You still want to give him a chance!?" Whisper looked at me as if I had turned into a ghost. I knew that just by opposing her view of things and how she wanted them to go, I was basically pissing on her beliefs. Even still, I admired her for the love she had to give, even if it was wasted. She was right, it was a curse.
"Cask... I want him to change. I want MY rain back! I want him to be the buck I fell in love with all those years ago. He was not always like this you know. There was a time, a long time ago, where he would do anything for to see me smile, where if times got tough, he would shoulder the weight for the two of us."
"What changed? If he was really as nice as you say, what happened to turn him into the pony he is today>"
"Honestly? Your father. He had everything Rain wanted, truly wanted. He had a carrier, he had a house before us and most of all... he had Cardinal. Sometimes, when things get really bad between us, I wonder if he was just with me so he could be close to her. Then when Whistles came into the picture, maybe that was the final blow that solidified that he was stuck with me. But I don't know how much of that I want to buy into. He was always just so... so sweet to me."
Whisper was still holding on firmly to her past, a past that was beginning to more and more feel like a sham of all things. As much as it infuriated me, as mad as I was even, I had no where at aim my anger other than myself. I looked into her eyes and saw that all to familiar shimmer of hope that she was holding onto, it was the same her daughter showed. After the last few months of being with Whistles I had come to know her well and I knew that everything her mother was saying was true.
They were cursed. Whisper fell head over hooves for Rain and his long since gone charm. She hung her star on him as she had said, but I guess she had never thought it would have been a falling star. Rain was a mystery to me, how having a filly come into his life could be the worst thing possible for him baffled me. Even at my age, I loved babies and had had my own dreams of starting a family at some point. But at least now I understood what she was driving at and why she was choosing to do what she was. This was her last chance to make things right with Rain, to help him come around again and maybe, just maybe bring back that chance to have a happy family.
Where it was true that nothing he had done could not truly be undone with time, I was skeptical that he could have the drive and want to change to that degree. After all, the root of the cause seemed to be jealousy, but that had long since gave way to spite, greed and resentment. He had spite that stemmed form a missed chance to be with Cardinal. He had greed for everything that her and my father had together and he resented his own family for taking it from him. How could a pony come back from a place like that and still be whole. Sure tonight was a glimmer of hope that he was trying, he was even the one who set this whole thing up. But no matter how I reasoned it, I still could not bare to give him the slightest amount of rope without fear of being hung from it.
"So the two of us... we just, leave?" I asked, thinking it better to leave well enough alone, for now. Whisper regarded me for a moment, all the while holding a flinching yet stern expression on her face. It was as if she was battling with the idea of letting her daughter go or having her stay here where she knew she would not be safe.
"If I had it to do over again, or if I was Whistles right now... I know what I would want... no, what I would be praying for. She... She needs to leave... hun. But you have to swear to me that you will do ANYTHING to take care of her! Even if it means working in a sewer the rest of your life." Whisper's broken voice told me everything I needed to know. This was not something she was taking lightly at all, not that any parent would. She wanted for her daughter that she could not have for herself. I love Whistles and she knows it, Whistles loves me, and she can see it. Everything comes down to the details now, things that could be taken care of as we went.
"I swear. No matter what it takes." I said as I gave her a hug in reassurance. The embrace was brief as she pushed me away to hide her crying face from me. I don't know why, it's nearly pitch black out here! As far as I know I just confessed my love in front of the whole school.
"Ok... Ok... Whistles? " She said as she turned back to the door way where Whistles was hiding. What the hell! I heard her say "go to your room, didn't I?
"What in the f-"
"Don't be mad hun, she's been a snoop since the day she was born. Not to mention I was alone with her coltfriend, she wasn't going to let you get hurt after all."
Whistles wore a pained expression as if she had just been caught doing something wrong. I wasn't happy about the fact that I had spilled my guts worth of emotions to her mother, that was hard enough, but to do it for a second time with Whistles watching on in silence... Well that was just humiliating, even if I did mean it. What if I had said something wrong, or what if I had given the impression that didn't want her to move in with me? The results could have been disastrous to our relationship. Sure I wanted it to go the way of her moving it, but slowly, naturally... But this felt like she was being forced out of her parents lives and into mine. We would make it work sure, but this would mean that it would not be by our terms.
"Well, what do you say? Wana come live with me? For like, ever?" I said in the coolest voice I could manage without passing out from panic. too long passed before I got my answer, and did I ever get one. She nearly sent me over the railing when she flew into me for a hug. Among a fury of 'yeses' and 'oh my goodnesses', I could make out that she was crying for joy from the good news. Not only did I want her in my life, but I relished the idea. I guess for somepony in her position, that meant the world to her.
"Oof! I'll take that as a yes."
"You two really do make a cute couple... As much as it pains me to say it, Caskade really should be going dear. You have a lot to take care of if you are going to be moving out. Lots of packing and I think it would be best if you and I went to the bank in the morning to start you a savings account."
"But... I want to go with cask. Tonight..."
"I know dear, but you have the rest of your lives to be together. We don't." Whistles looked to me for guidance, as if I was going to keep her from her mother after something like this. With a nod, her hooves slipped from my side and she and her mother stepped back from the railing.
"I'll be back tomorrow morning to help. Besides, I have to go and meet with Back Track to sign papers tonight. It's going to super boring." I said as I took my perch on the railing to take off.
"Wait!" Whistle shouted as she ran to my side. She grabbed my neck with a hoof and pulled me in close, kissing me softly on the lips. "I love you."
"I love you too. see you soon."
And with that I took flight through the clouds and towards the ground.
It still ceases to amaze me how it can be nearly pitch black in Cloudsdale and there still be amber colored sky below and above ponyville. Maybe if I had paid closer attention in Equestrian Science I would know the answer. No matter the cause for it, It was the perfect sunset for the flight home. Calm and tranquil, peaceful even as I glided above the smaller puffs of clouds that adorned the winters sky around me. Pained in hues of amber, purple and red as Celestia's sun sank lower to make way for Luna's moon. It was... breath taking. I guess I had never been happy enough to truly enjoy it, until today. I guess this is why they call it "A lover's Sky".
Below me, I spotted a familiar looking mound of fluff making its slow way around the outer rim of Cloudsdale's ceiling. It was the very same cloud where Whistles and I had first met. Calling it my new found enthusiasm for romance or call it my hang ups on the past, but I just had to stop by it... just one more time before I went home. Sure I had my very first business meeting to be at, but what's the point of owning a business if you can't be late for it from time to time. After all, I was the boss of it, I make the rules now and my rules say that I get to do what I want.
I hovered over the inviting white cotton candy like surface before finally letting my hooves bare weight. It was this same cloud that had changed my life for the better, it was here where I met the mare who would make me question the way I was going in life. As I sat at the edge of the cloud, it was if I could feel her here with me. I almost felt like if I were to turn around, I would see her big baby blue eyes staring right back at me. I let out a laugh at the thought of have she scared me the first time I saw her. She was so white that I swore that the cloud had grown eyes. I can't believe I ever shied away from her back then, then again, I didn't know her the way I do now.
I swear I can feel her near me, hear her flying somewhere close by even. A cold chill fell down my back... followed by a hoof, then another, and another. The force took me by surprise, hitting me hard and dimming my vision. Pain erupted from my ribs and back as whatever had smashed into me bore down with more and more weight. It was like Cloudsdale itself had fallen atop me. My face buried into the clouds as I felt hooves pounding into the back of my head, beating me to the point of nearly blacking out. Just as quickly as it began, it stopped. I then felt more hooves hauling my limp and bleeding body up, setting me upright. I cracked a weary eye... Rain.
"Successful!" He shouted as he slammed a hoof into my face. "you think you're better than me!?" Another blow found my right eye. "You're not better than your piece of shit father!" He shouted as he turned and landed a buck right to my forehead. "Here!" He shouted as something hit me in the chest. It was soft, fluffy even and even through the sent of ozone and blood, I could pick out a faint fragrance I knew all too well. I glanced down and saw a dark blue mound of fabric, now stained with blood. "You forgot your damn hoodie!"
"Ok Rain. You made your point." A voice shouted from behind me. Rain was here, waiting for me... and this time he was not alone. My eye was quickly swelling shut, but try as I might, my head swam and every move I made was met with more resistance.
"Shut up! This little shit is going to get what's coming to him!" He shouted "You just think you can walk into my life after everything that has happened!? You think you can just take my daughter and-and-and just fuck her without me caring!?"
I pushed myself to speak, but the only thing that came out was a mumble.
"What was that smartass!?" He shouted inches from my face.
"Yo...you're... no."
"Come again, I can't hear you. What's wrong, ain't got nothing smartass to say with a mouth full of blood!?"
"You're... no... Father. PRICK!" I might be able to fight back, but I hated him so much that I could not hold back, even if it meant more pain.
"YOU!" Bam! "Little!" Bam! "Shit!" Hoof after hoof landed blows to my chest, face and gut. the force was so intense that I thought I was going to pass out. I had to hang on. I couldn't let him get the best of me. So, with tears streaming down my face, I rolled my tongue around my teeth and spat all the blood I could on his face. Rain, not to be detoured, rounded on me and landed a buck right to my nose, breaking it with a sicken crunch. Wow, look at all those stars.
I watched my vision fade in and out as I started to hallucinate. I was hurt... so... so bad. My brain began to play tricks on me. I felt like my body had gone completely limp and fell to the clouds. Where before I could tell there were two ponies with me on the cloud, now I could swear I saw four or five even. It must have been my want to see him get what was coming to him because my mind was painting a picture of him being beaten half to death. I watched as a steady stream of blood began to flow into my vision, staining the once pure white of the cloud.
I don't know what happened next, I can only remember bits and pieces. First came the darkness that I had thought was death, then... little moments of gliding through the skies of Ponyville. Darkness, then... a darkened hallway. Darkness.... Then glimpses of shadows playing on my eyelids. I wanted to wake up, I wanted to find Whistles and just... get the hell out of here. But my body... it hurt so much. Every time I would get the urge to move, I was sent back to that dark world where there way nothing that could wake me.
The only respite I had to look forward to was the reassurance that if I slept, Whistles would be there. Oh Goddesses... Whistles, what have I done wrong? Where are you... I-... I need you.
Darkness...