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Rainbow Dash had stopped sleeping. Or at least she tried to. Whenever she slept all she could see were nightmares of her failing in some particularly public and humiliating fashion. The worst part was when they were actual memories of such things. She stopped taking her usual naps and tried to avoid sleep as much as she could. She only caught two or three hours of sleep a night.
She stopped going into Ponyville entirely.
Rainbow Dash’s mane always had a somewhat scruffy, but good look to it. Now it just looked extra scruffy. While she hated being all frou-frou, Rainbow was not indifferent to how she looked. She just had her own standards. Only now she wasn’t keeping them. Her eyes looked bloodshot and Rarity could probably fit a pair of dresses in each of the bags under her eyes. Her feathers were ruffled, her coat messy and her face worn.
Brooding in her cloud home, Rainbow occasionally glared out the window down at Ponyville: The town that needed her one day only to mock her the next. Ingrates.
She was so focused that she didn’t even hear the soft flutter of wings that announced the presence of another pony. Perhaps ten minutes had passed before Rainbow thought she heard the tiniest of “ahems.”
Rainbow Dash turned around to see her oldest friend hovering behind her. “Um, oh hello Rainbow.” Fluttershy said demurely. “S-sorry for sneaking up on you, I hope you don’t mind if I let myself in. If you want I can go—”
“It’s fine.” Rainbow said flatly before turning back around to stare out the window. “What do you want?”
“Rainbow Dash, you look just awful. Um, no offense! I mean you look nice, but very tired. We’re worried about you and, we want to help.” Rainbow said nothing. She didn’t even move. “Rainbow…don’t you, um, think you’re taking this a little too seriously? After all, I’m sure it’s not everypony whose, um…”
“Laughing their flanks off at me?” Rainbow deadpanned, half turning around.
“Well…” Fluttershy said meekly.
“Uhg, just forget it Fluttershy!” Rainbow stomped around the room, the satisfaction dimmed by the fact that clouds really aren’t ideal for stomping. “They’re not worth it! Bunch of lousy, ungrateful jerks!” She shouted at the open window.
“R-rainbow!”
“NO! Don’t you even try to defend them!” Rainbow’s nostrils flared as she snorted. “They went and stabbed me between the wings! How many storms have I helped avert? How many Winter Wrap Ups have I led? How many awesome tricks have I pulled off and how many monsters have I fought that they were all too scared to do anything about: Nightmare Moon, Discord? But NO! All they remember about me now is that Rainbow Dash is the pony whose rump is a magnet for lightning strikes!”
Rainbow trembled as she screamed all her anger and frustration out. “It’s not as if Ponyville’s the easiest place to live! Oh sure it’s nice and it’s sweet and everything but it’s BORING! In Cloudsdale there was always something for a pegasus to do! Races, contests, shows! Out here you could hear a pin drop all the way from Sweet Apple Acres it’s so boring! It’s practically the end of the world! I could do a double rainboom out here and the Wonderbolts would never even know! Ponyville barely has any pegasi and none of them can measure up to me.” Fluttershy stooped down, letting Rainbow rant. “You know why I take so many naps? Okay, yeah I like sleeping and my flying does take a lot out of me. But mostly? I’m just waiting for something to happen because I’m just so BORED!
“But I still loved this town! You were here, the others were here and I could have a lot of fun even if they couldn’t fly. And, hey—remember Discord? When he started soaking Cloudsdale—my home town!—with a major cola storm, I said I’d stay in Ponyville until I got the weather under control! I put Ponyville first! When Gilda showed up and acted like a jerk to you and the other ponies here? I sent her packing, one of my oldest friends! I tried to do the same thing with the Loud and Obnoxious Trixie when she started acting like a jerk to the ponies here, but they all laughed!” Rainbow’s breath grew ragged as she tried to swallow a sudden thickness in her throat. “After everything I’ve done for them…”
“Maybe you should give the ponies here another chance…” Fluttershy started.
“Oh no!” Rainbow shook her head. “After those losers busted a gut from laughing at me? They can clear their own weather. See how they like it when lightning starts crackling down around their heads! And hey, who knows? Maybe I’m just not COOL enough to save them from the next monster that comes skulking out of the Everfree! Maybe they can laugh at it and see if it goes away! One day they’re ‘Rainbow do this, Rainbow do that’ the next I’m a laughingstock! They aren’t worth it Fluttershy! They’re just….just a bunch of flip-flops!” Rainbow shrieked.
Silence fell, punctuated only by the sound of Rainbow Dash’s labored breathing.
“You’re becoming just like her you know.” Fluttershy murmured after a moment.
Rainbow narrowed her eyes, but confusion reigned on her face. “Who?”
“Gilda.” Fluttershy whispered.
“…Ridiculous.” Rainbow snorted.
“So concerned with being cool, pushing everypony away…”
“Enough Fluttershy.” But for once Fluttershy pushed on ahead.
“…being angry all the time, letting your pride get the best of you…”
“Knock it off!” Rainbow shouted at her, covering her ears with her hooves. “Stoppit! I-I’m not Gilda! I don’t WANT to be Gilda!”
Fluttershy regarded her evenly. “Why not?”
“Because she’s—she’s…” Rainbow’s wings trembled.
“She’s what?”
“…She’s all alone. I HATE being alone.” Rainbow admitted, looking down.
“Then what do you want to be?” Fluttershy asked as she drew up alongside her, rubbing her hoof on Rainbow Dash’s back.
“I want—I want—” Rainbow closed her eyes. An angry looked passed over her face. Her hooves trembled.
“You want to hurt them the way they hurt you.” Fluttershy whispered understandingly, pushing her head underneath Rainbow’s. “You want to punish them so you can forgive them, but you want them to say they’re sorry first.”
“Y-yeah…How did you know?”
“Rainbow Dash, all ponies get upset sometimes, even me. I think that it’s such an awful feeling. But I think you’re afraid that if you let go of your anger nopony will understand how much they hurt you and will do it again.”
Rainbow nodded numbly. “T-that’s it. Fluttershy, do you know how liberating it is to tell somepony no? Um, wait never mind. It’s…it’s like going from having to do whatever somepony wants from you or expects from you and be able to just say, no. It’s like I'm my own pony again! I don’t have to be who they want me to be, but who I want to be. It’s like I took something back from them!”
“But Rainbow, what you took back was your loyalty.” Fluttershy said quietly. “And that was always your best quality. Even more than your awesomeness or coolness.”
That hit Rainbow hard. “…I…” She croaked, her throat constricting.
“Rainbow Dash I’m not telling you that you should be loyal to everypony. I’m not even sure if that’s possible. But you’re being loyal to yourself when you’re being loyal to others.” Fluttershy looked her in the eye. “Rainbow, you’re so brave! You stood up to Gilda and to Trixie too. You faced a manticore and a dragon, a herd of buffalo, diamond dogs, Nightmare Moon and Discord! Are you telling me that a bunch of ponies being silly are scarier than all that?”
“Well, no but…”
“But nothing miss!” Fluttershy said firmly, poking her muzzle close to Rainbow’s face and stomping her hoof. “You’re always telling me to be more assertive and stand up for myself! How can you ask me to do it when you can’t? Ponies depend on you to be strong Rainbow Dash! So many ponies look up to you because you’re strong and fast and brave. Seeing you be strong helps them to be strong. I-I know it has for me.”
“I—I—” Rainbow’s jaw was moving but no sound came out. A rather remarkable role reversal for the two pegasi. “Really?” She asked with a faint stirring of hope.
Fluttershy nodded firmly. “Trixie could hit you with a thousand lightning bolts and that would never change. Then apologetic look crossed her face. “Oh, sorry about that. I just got carried away. Anyway, if the Rainbow Dash I know can handle all monsters and wild creatures, she can definitely handle a few neighsayers. You’re always assertive and self-confident Rainbow Dash. Now I’m asking you to be truly confident.”
Rainbow closed her bloodshot eyes. “…they laughed.” She said quietly.
“I know they did.” Fluttershy nuzzled her. “And it wasn’t right. But I don’t think that means that they were all laughing at you, Rainbow Dash.”
“Huh?” The rainbow pegasus looked confused.
“Um, well remember that time Ditzy Doo flew into that wedding cake at Sugarcube Corner?” Rainbow’s chuckle indicated that she did. “Are you laughing at Ditzy? I thought she was your friend.” Fluttershy pointed out.
“She is!” Rainbow protested vigorously. “I would never laugh at her like the jerks that make fun of her eyes! I mean, yeah she annoys me sometimes when she does something derpy, but I wouldn’t laugh at her. I laughed because….” Dash’s eyes widened as it sunk it. “…I laughed because the situation was silly, not the pony it was happening to. I wasn’t laughing at Ditzy.”
Fluttershy nodded eagerly. “I think that’s what happened with Trixie. I don’t think most of the ponies knew that they were hurting you. They think you’re so tough that they didn’t they laughing at her trick wouldn’t hurt you. I don’t think they even meant to laugh. The ones who are still laughing, well then they’re just being…dumb meanies!” She spat in a rare moment of anger. “Nopony’s allowed to make my friends feel bad. Especially themselves. And if anypony still wants to laugh at you…then I’ll protect you.” Fluttershy promised. “Just like you did for me.”
Rainbow cracked a smile. “Yeah, I bet you would.” She hugged her close. “Thanks Fluttershy.” She sighed.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s just…after everything I don’t know how I should feel about me. Am I cool? And who should I listen to? Maybe everypony was right to laugh. I AM a joke.”
“Don’t say that! You are not!”
“But I am Fluttershy! I tell everypony I’m so cool and amazing…but if I were would I be pushing clouds around? The Wonderbolts still barely know I exist. They’d never let somepony like me join. I’m just a fatheaded dope. Maybe everypony was laughing because they thought it was time somepony put me in my place.”
“No Rainbow. There’s no problem that ever calls for humiliating somepony. *Ever.*” Fluttershy nuzzled her. “Besides, I just told you and I don’t think that’s why they laughed. And if it is, well, then you still shouldn’t listen to a bunch of silly fillies. Even if that silly filly is you.”
“So, who should I listen to? Should I listen to other ponies when they tell me I’m cool?” Fluttershy nodded. “But I shouldn’t listen to them when they laugh at me or tell me I’m lame?”
“Um…”
“So I should listen to myself instead of other ponies?” Rainbow scratched her head in honest confusion.
“Yes! I mean no! I mean, oooh I don’t know what I mean!” Fluttershy wailed, covering her head. “Y-you should listen to ponies that matter most to you! Not that they can’t be wrong, but that…you shouldn’t listen to…but sometimes they can be…”
Rainbow Dash threw her hooves up in the air and fell backwards onto her bed. “Graah! Then who should I listen to?!”
“Your friends?” Fluttershy suggested. Rainbow lifted her head off the bed.
“But, I don’t know if I can trust your opinions because you’re my friends! I mean, if I’m trying a new trick and I want your opinion, would you tell me the truth or would you try to make me feel better?”
“Um, both?”
Rainbow sat back up and facehooved. “So how do I know if I’m cool? If other ponies say I am or if I believe I am? This is so confusing! And even if I am cool, how can I know if I get snickers and laughs when I go back into town?” She got up and started flying around the room. “I need to do something to restore my reputation! And I’m *still* mad but I don’t know what to do about it!”
Fluttershy gently hovered in Rainbow’s path. “Rainbow Dash you’ve been working yourself too hard and you clearly haven’t been taking care of yourself. How about if you get some sleep? I’m sure things will look better after a good night’s rest. Then you and I and all our friends will help think of something to fix everything. I promise.”
Rainbow gave a weak little smile and yawned loudly. “That sounds like the most awesome idea I’ve ever heard.” She said as lowered herself to the floor. “Thanks Fluttershy.”
The cream pegasus smiled. “Anytime.”
With a smile that approached beatific, Rainbow slowly approached her beloved cloud bed. “Bed…” She said as she swayed tiredly on her hooves, her voice thick with the warmth that one typically reserved for a loved one. “Did you miss me? I missed youuuuu….” With that, Rainbow Dash fell onto her bed, asleep before her head hit cloud.
Fluttershy giggled, gently brushing Dash’s mane out of her face. Then she paused as an idea struck her. She gently squeezed into bed next to her. It’d been a while since she’d slept in a cloud bed. She pulled up a cover of cloud to use as a blanket over her and Rainbow Dash. “Goodnight Rainbow Dash.” She whispered softly. Then she planted a gentle kiss on the back of Rainbow’s ear. “Hush now, quiet now it’s time to rest your sleepy head…Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to go to bed…”
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