Bacon and Egghead

by shortskirtsandexplosions


II

"Rrrrrrgh—I should kill myself!"

Sunset Shimmer stood in a black hoodie and blue jeans, repeatedly banging her head against the front doors to Sugarcube Corner.

"I should kill myself." Thunk! "I should kill myself." Th-Thunk! "I should kill myself." Thunk!

Fluttershy cupped her gloved hands to her chest. "Oh... m-my..." She trembled in her turtleneck and long thick skirt, glancing aside at Rainbow Dash. "I-I don't think my motivational speech is working."

"Mmmmm..." Rainbow Dash yawned, lazily leaning against the wall in a sports jacket and sweatpants. "Ya think?"

"I should kill myself." Sunset Shimmer clenched her eyes tightly shut. Her forehead formed a welt from the repeated light-pummeling. Thunk! "I should kill myself." Thunk-Thunk! "I should just friggin' kill myself."

A little kid inside the cafe stared out a window at the young woman, sipping from a straw. After Sunset's fifteenth headbang in a row, a motherly hand protectively yanked the child out of viewing range and back into their eating booth.

"Ahem..." Fluttershy girl-stepped over to Sunset, placing a dainty glove on her shoulder. "Now now, Sunset... uhm... think of it this way...!" She smiled crookedly. "...if you died, then who would get to take Twilight to the movies on your next date?"

"I should drink some arsenic, jump off a bridge, plug a bullet into my skull, shove a lion fish into my uterus, feed myself to a pack of lions, and then killll myselllllf..." Thhhhhump! At long last, she leaned her head limply against the fogged-up glass of the cafe door, whimpering. "Mmmmmmrrrgh..."

"Well..." Fluttershy gulped. "...maybe not all of those things. That poor lion fish..."

"Dang it all." Rainbow Dash angrily marched forward, brushing Fluttershy aside. "Leave this to me." She grabbed Sunset's shoulders and practically spun her around until she was spitting vapors into her face. "Get with the program, girl! This is Twilight Sparkle's very first date! Do you really wanna ruin it with all this self-mopey emo garbage?!"

Fluttershy winced hard. "Oooooh... ouch. Rainbow? Are you sure you wanna trigger all of that—?"

"But I've had nothing but a horrible history of dating people!" Sunset Shimmer wheezed. "Seriously! I'm a burning zeppelin with boobs!"

"Flash Sentry!" Rainbow Dash snarled. "All you've ever dated is Flash Sentry! Flash Sentry is not people!"

"Mmmmm..." Fluttershy twiddled her gloved fingers, eyes dancing with flickering holiday lights across the street. "She has a point."

"Besides..." Rainbow drew Sunset into a softer side-hug, smirking. "You're friggin' lucky as heck!"

Sunset blinked. "I am?"

"You've got all that cruddy history behind you," Rainbow said, fingers gesturing sharply in the wintry air. "Take it from an athlete! There's no better lesson to learn from than one's mistakes!" A beat. "I mean..." Rainbow's eyes rolled. "...not that I've ever made mistakes myself, but you? Hoooooooooooooooooooooooo boy have you made a poop-ton of them!"

"You're right..." Sunset sighed.

"I'm talking like Chernobyl levels of boo-boos!" Rainbow Dash charaded a mushroom cloud with her hands. "Fukushima levels of shit-bricking!" She slapped at a randomly flittering moth in the sunset. "Three Mile Islands of epic fu—"

"You're right!!!" Sunset snarled, pushing Rainbow away. "Thanks, Rainbow, I get it!" She brushed the wrinkles of her hoodie smooth and sighed. "I just don't want to repeat any of them with Twilight..."

"Oh Sunset..." Fluttershy stepped forward with a gentle smile. "Don't you care for your friends?"

"What?! Absolutely!"

"And do you—possibly-maybe—care for Twilight just a teeeeeeeeeeeensy bit more?"

Sunset gulped... then nodded.

"Mmm-hmmm..." Fluttershy smiled rosily, clasping her gloved hands together. "Well, if you're the same Sunset Shimmer I've had the pleasure of getting to know, then you wouldn't possibly let yourself do anything to hurt Twilight." She shook her head. "You're one of the most thoughtful and empathetic people that I know. You would do anything to protect your friends, and someone like Twilight even more so." A coy wink. "And even if you do hit a few bumps along the road tonight—let's not forget—Twilight thinks the world of you."

"Mmmmm..." Sunset ran a shaky hand through her scarlet bangs as a crooked smile graced her lips. "...she d-does, doesn't she?"

"This evening can only go well for the two of you." Fluttershy giggled. "Just have fun and enjoy yourselves! Get to know each other!"

"Just remember the advice I gave!" Rainbow Dash leaned in with a smirk, poking Sunset's shoulder. "Be suave! Be dashing! And—when it doubt—just talk about yourself! Heck... it's what I do!"

Sunset squinted at her. "I've never seen you go on any dates, Rainbow."

"Pffft, yeah, well..." Rainbow Dash folded her arms as she leaned against the buildingside again. "I can't treat my adjustable shower nozzle to dessert on the town."

"I... ... ... ... think I'm ready to greet Twilight Sparkle now," Sunset Shimmer droned.

"You don't have to wait for long!" Fluttershy perked up, pointing at three teenage figures strolling down the festively-lit sidewalk. "Here they come now!"

"Ah jeez..." Sunset Shimmer winced slightly. "I forgot Rarity was with them. Damn it."

"Pffft!" Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. "Big whoop! I seriously doubt Rarity would have gone overboard for a first date—"

"Oh..." Fluttershy's breath vaporously left her as she teetered backwards, almost falling. "...my."

Sunset Shimmer's eyes turned to turquoise pinpricks. She stood dead in place—paralyzed. Her ears tickled with the sound of awkwardly clicking heels.

Soon a resplendent young bookworm stood before her, a couple of inches shorter—yet a few more on account of her trembling pigeon-toe'd stance. Holiday lights from a store front adjacent to Sugarcube Corner caused luminescent spots along her black velvet overcoat to twinkle like starlight—much like they did in the darker hues of her silk-smooth bangs. The girl's tiny hands were swallowed up in woolly mittens, and the combination of thick-rimmed glasses and fluffy earmuffs framed her button-nosed face like some sacred shrine to lavender adorableness.

Rarity bit her smiling lips, eyes darting back and forth between the lady of the evening and the lady of the evening.

Fluttershy looked at Rainbow Dash. She had to reach over and silently close Rainbow's gaping mouth with a gloved finger.

Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle lingered, separated by vapors and trembles.

"A-Ahem..." Applejack finally broke the silence, coughing into her jacket's sleeve. Smiling, she stood between the two and gestured. "Sunset Shimmer? Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle? Sunset Shimmer." Her hands rested on her denim'd hips. "Reckon y'all know each other?"

"Do I...?" Sunset Shimmer wheezed. She winced, coughed, and smiled. "Do I!" She attempted bowing—winced, then attempted curtsying—winced again, then attempted to bow once more—

"Uhm..." Twilight Sparkle wrenched a hand out from hugging herself and waved the mitten high in the air. "Hi."

"Hi!" Sunset gladly reflected the gestured. She stood up straight with a grin. "Hiiiiii..."

"Heehee." Twilight hugged herself again. "Hi."

"Yeah." Sunset nodded and nodded and—"Hi."

Silence.

"Alright. Screw this." Rainbow Dash stepped behind the girls and shoved both of them at once towards the cafe entrance. "In you panties go!"

"Hey!" Sunset wheezed.

"Eeep!" Twilight nearly tripped on her heels.

"Uhm... Rainbow?" Rarity pointed. "I do believe it's 'in you pixies go'—"

"I know what I said!"

The doors swung open as if automatically, jetting the young couple with a comforting blast of warm air. As their eyes adjusted to the light, they saw a slyly grinning Pinkie Pie standing in the doorframe, holding the panels open as she gestured inward with an elegant hand.

Once Rainbow was done pushing them, Sunset and Twilight easily stumbled inside. The petite athlete cupped her hands over her mouth, hollering inwards: "Easy on the whipped cream, Pinkie! It's their first date, after all!"

"No promises, Dashie! Heehee!"

"We won't be far off!" Applejack called in.

"Absolutely, darlings!"

"Enjoy yourselves!" Fluttershy added with a wave.

At long last, the doors shut. Applejack could be seen glaring at Rainbow Dash.

"What?" the speedster's voice cracked.

"Didja really have to shove them so much, RD?"

"Pfft! It wouldn't have been a problem hadn't one of them been squeezed into some painful heels!"

"Weren't my idea! Blame Rarity!"

"Unf! Hmmph! Why, of all the nerve—!"

"Shhhhhhhhh..." Fluttershy gestured at the others, murmuring low. "Let's give them some space, everyone."

"They're inside a building, Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash droned.

"Even still." Fluttershy gently took Rainbow by the arm and shuffled away from the entrance. "We made a promise."

"Yeah, so?"

"Fluttershy's got a point, there, varmint." Applejack tipped her hat and scooted off with Rarity. "Let's go, Rares."

"We're only a text awaaaaaaaaaaaay!" Rarity sing-song'd as she and Applejack walked in the opposite direction of the other two.

"Oh Rarity..." Fluttershy scolded softly from a distance. "...let's not give into gossip tonight."

"Hah!" Rainbow scoffed as she and her friend kept walking. "What is there even to gossip about?"