//------------------------------//
// The Gryphon Take of Postal Service 
// Story: Plagiarism of the Gods: Equestrians of Discworld 
// by Bugsydor 
//------------------------------//

"I will not stand for this. It is a menace!" the foremost member of an unruly mob[1] said. "Mark my words, it'll be devouring  things!"

[1]: Decidedly less threatening than the more ruly sort of mob.

"Indeed," Vetinari said. "She might even devour some of Dibbler's pig onastick. That would be truly tragic. Not only would the mail system lose much of its hard-fought efficiency, I'd be out the best crossword help I've had in decades."

The mob collectively shuffled a step back, but it wasn't done yet.

"Think of the children!" somebody shouted.

"Ah yes, the children," Vetinari sighed. "I suppose they do accost her frequently, asking for rides or to play all sorts of inane games. She doesn't seem to mind, though, as long as they don't play too rough, and she still completes her route with alarming speed and accuracy, so I'm not too concerned about it."

"But sir!" the mob's apparent spokesman said, pulling out what he was certain was his trump card, "She's a gryphon!"

"And?" Vetinari replied, eyebrow quirked back up into its accustomed position.

"But... Gryphon?" the ringleader said, as if realizing that the card he'd so cleverly hidden up his sleeve had in fact been replaced with a two of clubs while he'd been looking the other way.

"And we've got a golem doing postal work alongside her, not to mention a troll that's found gainful employment as the splatter[2] for The Mended Drum, and our streets are thoroughly policed by the Thieves' Guild. We take pride in our ability to make good use of potentially dangerous elements."[3]

[2]: A splatter is like a bouncer, but with less restraint.

[3]: It has been hotly debated whether or not Vetinari makes use of "the royal we". Not least of the reasons for this debate is that Ankh-Morpork's most recent royalty was, in fact, a literal fire-breathing dragon.

"Well, uh... Everything seems to be in order.[4] I suppose we'll be going now."

[4]: In truth, it wasn't much in order at all.[5] Vetinari prefers it this way, as this particular form of chaos is far easier to direct than order ever could have hoped to be.

[5]: After all, the forces of chaos are far better organized.

"Don't let me detain you."