We meet with the mane six as they arrive at the top of a cliff overlooking a clearing in the Everfree Forest. Below them, they watch as a stampeding herd of Bugbears move swiftly through the foliage...
Fluttershy peeked out from behind Applejack, who peeked from behind Rainbow Dash, who, in turn, puffed out her chest out proudly, and peeked out from behind Twilight. “So, um...” she said, eyeing the forest closely. “What do we—”
One low, heavy, growl caught them off guard, cutting Fluttershy off as one of the Bugbears broke off from the group, barrelling past the cliff. Each of the mane six jumped away from the edge, barely dodging as several bright green and gold stripes, and one particularly large, particularly poisonous, meter-length barb passed inches from all their snouts.
There was a thin trail of spittle, and what everypony hoped wasn’t deadly venom that trickled in its wake as the Bugbear disappeared over the far side of the hill, plummeting down to join its kin further down the line.
Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight were left trembling. “I-I-” One of them said, and then Twilight grimaced.
“I’m...” She adjusted the strap of her saddlebags, then scanned over the scene to be sure there weren’t going to be more surprises. There was no doubt about it. This year’s migration was a big one, and if they continued their current heading the whole of Ponyville might be put at risk.
That meant multiple things for her, of course. One: no more Lyra Heartstrings. That mare is bucking insane. And two: a heaping pile of new paperwork for herself. As Ponyville’s resident Princess of Friendship, it was her duty—and any of her friend’s she chose to carry along with her—to keep the town and its residents, no matter how she felt about the latter, safe.
Naturally, they were all looking to her for guidance and—Twilight glanced up from her thought, and to the five mares gathered around her. Each one was leaning in with their faces inches away from her, eagerly waiting the master plan of perfection the Princess would come up with for them to save the day, again.
“... not quite sure.”
“Darling, please,” Rarity swooned. She and the rest of her friends let out a heavy sigh, deflating as they slumped away from Twilight.
“Well that’s just a gosh-dang pile ‘o horse manure,” Applejack added, with no small amount of blush for sake of her colourful tongue. “We came all the way out here, ah’ brought my shovel, and we don’t even have a plan.”
“Yeah!” Rainbow nodded, “For once I actually agree with AJ.” She pulled Fluttershy to her side, and spread her wings, pressing a hoof to her chest and lifting her nose as she took them both to the air. “Just watch, me an’ Shy’ will take care of this in two seconds flat.”
“Um...” Fluttershy squeaked. It pained her to speak above a whisper. “...Rainbow Dash, don’t I h—“
“Come on, Shy, let’s fly!” Rainbow Dash practically dragged Fluttershy into the air as they dived from the edge of the cliff.
“—Oh, okay. I guess if you—”
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight shouted, stopping the both pegasi in their tracks—not so much from her tone, but more from a short blast of telekinesis that had them strung up, and frozen mid-air like a couple of marionettes “Rainbow, don’t!” She added, pulling both mares back to the –kind of—safety of the cliff’s edge. “It’s too dangerous!”
“Pfft...” Rainbow shook a dismissive hoof. Shaking off Twilight’s magic, she pulled herself and Fluttershy back to their hooves. Then, holding ‘Shy close at her side, Rainbow stood to her full height, puffing her feathers and fur out with pride. “Don’t worry, Twi,” she said, and beat a hoof to her chest, “Danger is my middle name.” Then, pulling Fluttershy along with her, Rainbow turned back to the cliff to resume her jumping-headlong-into-trouble. “Come on, ‘Shy, we’ve a Bugbear or a dozen to slay!”
“Wait.” This time, it wasn’t Twilight, or Rarity, or even Applejack that stopped Rainbow Dash. Nor was it her sense of danger. No, it was Fluttershy. The mare pulled back on Dash, halting her in her tracks. “I-” She stammered slightly, then cocked an eyebrow at Dash. “I thought your middle name was Daring?”
Now this Rainbow Dash didn’t expect, and she faltered. “Oh... well,” she turned bright red. She turned away from the edge for a moment. The bugbears could wait. Right now she had a much more important crisis to take care of. “You see...” She started towards ‘Shy. Then, noticing the looks from the rest of the mane six as Fluttershy’s words slowly began to dawn on them, she slunk back away. “Y-” Her eyes darted to the side nervously, and Rainbow gulped. “Y-y-Yeah. It is. It’s Danger and Daring.”
Twilight glanced to her friends, each frowning at this. She deadpanned. “You have two middle names?”
“Eeyup,” Rainbow chirped. Growing more confident in her explanation, she quickly began to nod. “That’s me, Rainbow Danger Daring D-”
“Now hold on one cotton-picking minute.” Rainbow went pale as Applejack, of course, couldn’t buy this for even a second. The farmpony wasted no time in pushing to the front line to prod Rainbow in the chest. She huffed. “Yesterday you told me it was ‘Reliable’, after I asked ya’ to watch Apple Bloom.”
Rarity then stepped up beside Applejack. “And just last week you said-” She cut herself off to turn to Applejack, with a look of surprise and mild shock, but more than ever, a little bit of horrification painted across her face. “Did you really let Rainbow Dash watch a foal?”
“Well...” Applejack nodded half-heartedly. She tipped her hat back to scratch herself behind the ears. “Yeah... Come to think of it, maybe that weren’t such a good choice...”
“’Such a good choice’?” Rarity mimicked, “You do know this is Rainbow Dash we’re talking about? With a foal? Unsupervised?”
“I know,” Applejack rolled her eyes and inched herself further away from Rarity’s side, keeping a keen eye to the poker on the top of her head, and wherever that mare chose to point it. “But it ain’t so bad as it sounds. I didn’t leave them alone, Granny Smith was there t’ watch Rainbow, and—”
“You do know I’m right here, right?” Rainbow Dash butted in between them, using one hoof to divert Rarity’s horn, and Applejack’s razor-sharp wit.
“Right.” Rarity pulled away from them, and turned her attention back to the topic at hoof, prodding Rainbow Dash. “As I was saying,” she turned on Rainbow, pushing her back with a hoof as she advanced. “Last week, you said it was ‘Dependable’ when I had you watching the Boutique. And”—she punctuated her pronunciation with a deep prod to Rainbow’s chest fluff—“You still have to pay the bill for the fire damages.”
“Hey!” Rainbow turned defensive. Spreading her wings, she crossed her forelegs and turned away from them. “It’s not my fault! You didn’t tell me not to let you sister cook.”
“You know she can’t cook!” There was a loud cluck as Rarity’s teeth seemed to crack in her mouth. “Why did you even let her in!?”
“Yeah, so what is it?” This time, it was Twilight’s turn to intervene. She pushed the rest of her friends away, forming a cleared circle around Rainbow Dash as she trotted up to grill her herself. “They can’t all be your names,” Twilight said. “How many other things have you lied to us about?”
Everypony glanced around, and focus naturally gravitated to the back of the group, where Pinkie Pie sat with box of popcorn, her cheeks puffed out as she chewed vigorously. “Whash?” She spat. Then, shrugging, and swallowing, Pinkie repeated. “What? I know Dash well enough not to trust her with anything.”
“Uh... uh,” Rainbow’s ears drooped, as attention turned back to her. Each of her friends—Pinkie excluded, who kept up a grin as she returned to watching this soap-opera unfold—glared over her.
“Come on, Rainbow.” Applejack said.
“Tell us the truth,” Rarity added.
“I’m—” Gulping, Rainbow Dash started to retreat away from her friend’s advances. “Uh...” She beaded with sweat, her puff slowly losing steam as each of the four ponies advanced on her.
“What is it?” Fluttershy squeaked from the back, before retreating behind her mane. “I mean—I-if you don’t...”
“Tell us the truth,” Twilight unintentionally sounded slightly like Applejack as she joined the rest of her friends, forming a small circle around the pegasus. Together, they slowly forced Rainbow back towards the edge of the cliff.
“I-I it’s...” Rainbow Dash was sweating bullets. She glanced from one side to the other, as each of her friends loomed over her. She gingerly took another step back, and momentarily stumbled as a piece of the ground crumbled away behind her. Glancing back, Rainbow gasped, and trotted forwards, away from the edge of the cliff.
Several feet below them, still rumbling with a fury, were the ocean of Bugbears, ready to take anything that fell in the wake.
Rainbow Dash instinctively spread her wings, and was about to fly off the edge, when another, this time with blue and gold-stripes, Bugbear flew over the edge, cutting off any chances of escape.
“I—“ Rainbow gulped. Her ears flattened, and heart racing, she turned back to her friends, each of them glaring, and no longer looking anything like friends. Rather, more like a pack of wolves, and she was the freshest piece of pigeon meat they had seen in days.
“Tell us!” Twilight barked, and was mirrored by Applejack and Rarity.
Fluttershy barely made out a tiny whimper. “...please...”
“Meurice!” Rainbow Dash’s defences crumbled, and she screamed the name. Crumpling to the ground, she rolled into the foetal position between the other ponies. “It’s Meurice! Meurice, okay?” Rainbow cried, “I never told anypony because it’s a horrible name, and I have to keep making up new ones to keep up with my self-esteem!”
“Huh?”
All five ponies—including Pinkie Pie—stopped cold. They shared several confused looks. “What?” Applejack said.
“... my-my middle name,” Rainbow sniffed. She snorted, and wiped her nose, then rolled onto her hooves. She slowly advanced away from the edge, her usual confidence and arrogant demeanour now all but forgotten. “...is Meurice.”
“I- I was too afraid to tell you guys. You are all so awesome, and I’m supposed to be the cool one. What would you think if you found out I had such a lame name as Meurice.”
“Oh. Rainbow...” Fluttershy spoke up. She dashed to the front, and pulled Rainbow into a warm embrace. Holding her close and comforting the mare, Fluttershy brought out a tissue and wiped Rainbow’s nose, then stroked her mane as she comforted her. “I’m so sorry, we had no idea....”
Twilight agreed. Her head low, she retreated away in silence with the rest of her friends. Each of them looked on mournfully, Applejack especially who removed her hat, and shuffled awkwardly on her hooves. “Ah—” She coughed, “I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have pressured you like that.”
Twilight and Rarity nodded in agreement, whilst Pinkie—behind them—shrugged and did an ‘I told you so’ movement.
Fluttershy cuddled Rainbow against her side. “I think Meurice is a lovely name,” she said.
“You really think so?”
Fluttershy nodded.
“Quite true,” Rarity agreed. Regaining some of her composure, Rarity brushed back her mane and took a seat in the circle. She scooted closer to Dash, before taking a hint and moving back with a blush. “Besides,” she said, before quickly frowning, and adjusting her posture as she extracted a particularly pointed jem from beneath her thigh. Rarity glanced to it, turned it over in her aura, and stowed the stone in her right saddlebag-pocket before continuing to address Rainbow Dash. “We all have names we wouldn’t be proud of. Why, my middle name is Marshmallow. I’m Rarity Marshmallow Belle.”
“Aye,” Applejack nodded. “And mine’s Apple.”
Twilight frowned. “Apple Apple Jack?”
“... yeah. My pa weren’t none the imaginative type.”
“Mine’s Butter,” Fluttershy added, with a blush. “‘Cause, um, my parents thought I’d grow up to be a milkmare.”
Everypony nodded, with some mumbles of “that’s okay” and “I like that”, and “what’s a ‘milkmare’?”.
“... also,” Fluttershy continued. “They thought I looked like a little stick of butter when I was born.”
Pinkie Pie bounced up between them, and hugged both Fluttershy and Dash as she screamed, “Well duh, my middle name is Surprise!” Then she paused, and tapped her chin. “Or, actually it’s not. It’s really Diane but I’d really like you all to call me Surprise, ‘cause then for every new friend there’s a ‘Surprise!’ when they come to talk to me!”
“What about you, Twi?” Applejack asked, and several eyes turned towards the princess. “What’s your middle name?” Everyone turned their attention to the purple Alicorn who, if no pony were mistaken, might have just turned several shades darker.
“Uh... It’s...” This time, it was Twilight’s turn to stutter. Turning several shades more purple, she stumbled back doing her best impression of Fluttershy and hiding behind her bangs. Unfortunately, unlike Fluttershy, this didn’t work quite so well and everypony could still see her shuffling as she mumbled, “M-ffm fmr.”
“What was that?” With a quick glance to Rainbow, Fluttershy rubbed her ear with a hoof and pointed more towards Twilight. “Sorry, we didn’t quite catch that.”
She and all of her friends leaned in to Twilight, listening more intently. “Darling,” Rarity added, “Could you repeat that, please?”
“Um...” This only caused Twilight’s blush to deepen. She covered her mouth with a hoof, and said, “It’s M—ther— —f—...” Removing the hoof, Twilight grinned sheepishly, which only caused her friends to share a few concerned looks.
“Uh...” Rainbow Dash began, rolling her eyes, “Twi, we can’t hear you if you cover you mouth.”
“Go on” Rarity encouraged. All five ponies—this time including Pinkie Pie, who found this suddenly very interesting, encroached around Twilight. “We’ve all shared ours,” Rarity said. “It’s only fair that you do you.”
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Applejack said, then quickly added with a tip of her hoof, “Unless your name’s ‘Apple’, then that’d be a might awkward.”
“Nothing could be worse than ‘Apple’”, Rainbow jested—much to Applejack’s contempt— “Come on, spill it.”
“Well, you see...” Twilight took another, hesitant step back .She glanced over her shoulder to the Everfree behind, and then to the group of friends in front of her. “It’s just, you know”—she glanced to her fetlock. “Look at the time, we have to—“
“You don’t have a watch, Twi.”
“Oh, so I don’t.” She grinned, her blush spreading to her ears. “I—uh, I left a cake running!”
“Tell us, Twilight!” Rainbow insisted. There was the sounds of several agreements, and nods from her friends.
“It’s—” Twilight grit her teeth, biting the bullet so to speak. “It’s ‘Mother Fucking’. My name is Princess Twilight ‘Mother Fucking’ Sparkle!”
Silence.
Twilight received several blank stares, and out-of-tune blinks in response as ponies slowly absorbed this new information.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack shared a quick glance. “Did she just—”
“Pfffft—” Rainbow cracked a smile, and slapped a hoof to her face. “Pffft- Ha!” She collapsed to the ground, followed shortly by Applejack as they both broke down into uncontrollable laughter.
“O-o-oh my Celestia!” Rainbow screamed, between gasps. “Is- is she—“
“I can’t stop—” Applejack froze in the middle of getting back up, and tumbled to the ground, clutching her side as she doubled over in another fit of guffaws.
Rarity’s blush burned bright red, and her ears flicked back as the revelation hit her. “Oh-oh my—” She snickered slightly, before biting down on her hoof to stop it in its tracks.
Fluttershy, all the same, seemed frozen in place, her wings spread at full mast, as she seemed to tremble on the spot. The occasional squeaky, giggle escaped her every few seconds, and then she’d retreat slightly further behind her mane.
As for Pinkie Pie...
Pinkie Pie didn’t seem to find it funny at all. “I don’t get it.” She looked around in confusion at the four, giggling, guffawing ponies, and the very much tomato-tinted Twilight Sparkle. “Really”—she frowned, and turned to as Twilight. “What’s so funny?”
Twilight ‘beet-red’ Sparkle, coughed. “It’s—” She was interrupted by a sudden bout of giggles from the crowd and, wincing, started again. “It’s not funny,” she shouted, “My dad was a—” All at once, the absurdity of it dawned on her, and Twilight couldn’t help but crack a smile. “He was a—” She giggled, muffling it with a hoof—“He was—when I—and then—”
Eventually, she couldn’t take it anymore, and Twilight broke out into laughter herself. “O- Okay,” she coughed, “I- I guess it is pretty funny...”
Twilight collapsed into her pile of friends, laughing as they pulled her into a rough hug, and suddenly there were five ponies—and Pinkie Pie—giggling at a mountain top, overlooking an empty clearing in the middle of the Everfree Forest.
“...Hey, where’d the Bugbears go?”
“Oh, shit.”
“Whose middle-name is that?”