//------------------------------// // Twilight's Lament // Story: Grief is the Price We Pay // by Scyphi //------------------------------//             When Starlight found Trixie, she found the mare sitting at an opening some stories up in the changeling hive, overlooking land outside and out at the evening sunset that was beginning to wrap up now. She was notably quiet and distant from even just a glance, but Starlight heaved a sigh of relief in finding her nonetheless.             “There you are,” she remarked to her showmare friend as she trotted up to Trixie. “I leave your side for half a minute so to get directions from a passing changeling, and the next thing I know, you’d wandered off. I’ve been looking for you everywhere, Trixie, and frankly…I was starting to get worried.” Trixie made no response or any sort of reaction to indicate that she had even heard and Starlight gazed at her in mild concern as she took a seat beside her. She licked her lips uncomfortably. “How are you holding up?” she asked next in a soft voice.             Trixie still didn’t reply verbally, but she did slowly turn her head to face Starlight, revealing that while she was dry-eyed at the moment, the azure mare’s eyes were streaked, red, and puffy, making it clear that Trixie had been weeping without restraint earlier.             Starlight couldn’t help but wince in sympathy a bit. “That bad, huh?” she noted.             Trixie merely turned her head back ahead of her, gazing back out at the horizon outside.             Starlight fidgeted to herself for a second, wishing she had something uplifting to tell her grieving friend. “Well, on the upside…at least you’ve finally stopped crying,” she observed positively then immediately winced to herself as she realized how insensitive that sounded out loud.             Trixie didn’t seem to notice. “Only because I’ve run out of tears to physically shed,” she responded morosely. “That doesn’t mean the grief within has lessened in any way.”             Starlight let her gaze fall for a moment, sighing. “I’m sorry, Trixie,” she said. “I wish I could do more to help you get through this.”             “You’ve done plenty already, Starlight,” Trixie assured but keeping her gaze forward on the horizon. “That’s better than you give yourself credit for. Besides…” Trixie managed a very small grin, “…I still can’t say no to the support of a friend right now.”             Starlight grinned a little herself, but both of their grins were short-lived. She followed Trixie’s gaze for a minute, looking on at the sunset ending on the horizon. The sun had already vanished from view and now the evening sky was slowly transitioning from a deep orange to a light royal purple as night took its place. “Pretty sunset,” she impulsively noted aloud.             “Yes,” Trixie agreed. “Given what happened today, in a way…it almost seems fitting.”             The two friends sat quietly for a moment. Starlight then sighed again.             “I still say this is my fault,” she lamented, hanging her head in shame. “If I had just stood up to Chrysalis more, refused to let her have control of the situation, or at least just kept my stupid mouth shut and let her do whatever it was she was going to do to me and not Thorax…”             “Then you’d be the one who died, and I don’t want that any more than I do this, Starlight,” Trixie objected immediately.             “Maybe,” Starlight conceded. Her own gaze turned distant. “But maybe then Thorax would still be alive.”             “I don’t want any of my friends dying, Starlight,” Trixie said. “And had it been you instead…” she shook her head and her face wrinkled with sadness. “…I don’t even want to think about it, Starlight. Please don’t talk about it.”             Another long moment of silence fell between them as they watched the night continue to settle upon the land outside.             “Why come here, anyway?” Starlight asked finally.             Trixie just shrugged. “I just…needed a moment alone…away from everything else. This was the first place I found that worked.”             Starlight nodded to herself for a moment. “You know, when you wandered off without telling anyone like that,” she began, turning to look at the sullen pony beside her, “I was afraid you had gone off to go do something…well…”             “…stupid?” Trixie finished. She closed her eyes slowly. “Dare I ask what?”             Starlight shrugged feebly. “Any number of things came to my mind while I was searching for you, none of them good.” She hesitated, fearing she might put ideas in Trixie’s head if she continued, but she did anyway. “One big one that kept coming to my mind…was that you might have gone off searching for Chrysalis on your own…for, you know…revenge.”             “I have half a mind to,” Trixie admitted without any hesitation.             It only alarmed Starlight though. “You wouldn’t stand a chance against her even if you did manage to find her, Trixie,” she stated seriously.             “I know,” Trixie agreed, again without hesitation. “It’s the one reason why I haven’t already gone and done it.” She paused then added sadly, “It’s not like it’d make a difference anyway though. He’d still be…gone.”             Starlight shuffled to herself awkwardly, wishing she could do more to comfort her friend. “I’m sorry, Trixie,” she repeated again.             “Oh, stop saying that,” Trixie suddenly snapped, turning to look at her. “All the apologies in the world still won’t change the fact that he died and that utterly devastates me.” She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, getting emotional. “Oh Starlight, why did it have to be him? Why did he have to die? He didn’t deserve it at all…he should be here, with us, savoring what we accomplished today!” She threw her hoof back towards the interior of the hive, helpless. “I mean, I can’t help but feel bad over it, because those changelings in there should be celebrating a great victory tonight, and here we all are moping over the death of the changeling who made it happen, souring that whole experience. And yet…I’m right there moping with them.”             “You have good reason to, Trixie,” Starlight commented. “I know what Thorax was to you.”             Trixie snorted as she returned her hoof to her side, stomping it on the resinous ground under her in the process, frustrated.  “Why did it have to be like this, though?”             Starlight stared at the ground, kicking one hoof back and forth as she sought something comforting to respond with. She failed. “I wish I knew, Trixie,” she replied. “I truly do.”             Another moment of silence fell as they watched the last of the sunset’s orange fade away and the first stars twinkled into view outside.             “How’s Spike doing?” Trixie asked suddenly.             “I don’t know,” Starlight admitted. “I haven’t seen him since we stopped and paid our respects. But I imagine no better than you are right now, and probably still with Thorax, listening to all the others pay their respects.” She paused for a moment then looked over at Trixie. “I heard just before I found you that they were wrapping up with all of that, so I imagine that’s going to leave Spike…free. I was thinking it’d be a good time to go check up on him.” She tilted her head at her friend, speaking gently. “You want to come with?”             Trixie didn’t respond right away, but finally she shrugged. “Yeah,” she said simply, rising to her hooves. “I need something to do anyway.”             Starlight forced a grin and gave her friend a pat on the back as they both turned and headed back down the tunnel they were in, heading deeper into the hive. They were just arriving at the first tunnel that intersected theirs, and Starlight was beginning to wonder if she could even find her way back to where Spike was in this maze, when Fluttershy suddenly rounded the corner and trotted up to them.             “Oh, Starlight, Trixie,” she said as she approached the two mares, motioning urgently for the two to wait a moment. “Have either of you seen Princess Celestia recently, or might know where she’s at presently? We’ve been trying to find her.”             “I’d thought she already went back to Canterlot,” Trixie remarked, limply shrugging. “So I didn’t think she was even still here.”             “And I haven’t seen her since we all left the throne room—or what’s left of it—earlier,” Starlight added, not able to help any more than Trixie could. Seeing Fluttershy’s concern though and feeling her stomach drop, she pressed on. “Why? What do you need her for, Fluttershy?”             Fluttershy bit her lip and timidly ran one hoof over the floor in hesitation, the concern clear on her face. “Maybe it’s just better if you both saw for yourselves,” she explained, and turned to head back the way she came, motioning for the other two to follow her.             She led them deeper into the hive, through the weave of many tunnels and rooms the structure was composed of. Starlight and Trixie had no idea where they were being led, but Fluttershy seemed reasonably certain, so they kept close to her. They passed various changelings along the way, the reformed creatures looking like they were wandering about their hive and feeling restless as they attempted to sort through both the day’s events and the transformation so many of them had undergone. Every one of them that they passed, Fluttershy would stop and ask if they knew where Princess Celestia was. But none of them had any clear ideas except for a few generic locations in the hive that, unfortunately, Fluttershy had already checked. Despite several of them asking, as well as Starlight asking again herself, Fluttershy didn’t elaborate on the reasons why.             Eventually they arrived in a long corridor with doorways regularly placed up along both sides, each one opening into a small chamber. Starlight noticed while stealing a glance into one of them that they appeared to be simple and spartan sleeping chambers. None of them seemed to be occupied at the moment though, except for one somewhat randomly towards in the middle of the corridor, which as Fluttershy sullenly led the way, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Applejack could be seen all standing directly outside its entrance. As they approached, all three of the mares turned to look at them with similarly depressed expressions as Fluttershy.             Fluttershy’s eyes roved over them as they entered speaking range. “Um, I assume none of you girls found Princess Celestia either, then?” she asked softly but notably dejected in tone.             The other three shook their heads. “She’s still gotta be in this place somewhere,” Rainbow Dash said. “I kept getting changelings that said they saw her in passing at some point, it’s just none of them could direct me to where she is now.”             “All we know is that she’s still in the hive somewhere,” Applejack summed up. “Pinkie hasn’t come back yet though…maybe she’ll have better luck than us.”             “But…why do you all need to find Princess Celestia?” Trixie asked with clear confusion as they joined the others outside the chamber’s entrance.             Starlight, however, had already noticed who of the group was still unaccounted for, and with a sudden sinking feeling she knew who was going to be inside this particular chamber. With dread, she looked the group over, seeing the emotions in their eyes that only confirmed her fears, then turned to step into the chamber entrance and look inside. A whole number of utterly horrifying things popped into her mind, afraid to immediately find the absolute worse for Twilight Sparkle within, so she was actually somewhat surprised and relieved to see that her worst fears of what Twilight might have done in her grief appeared unfounded. Instead, she observed Twilight simply and calmly seated in one corner of the chamber, her back turned to the entrance so that her face was entirely out of view.             Starlight gazed in at her mentor for a moment though, still uneasily feeling that something was wrong. She glanced at the others, who were all silently watching, then back at Twilight within the room. “Twilight?” she called softly. She waited for a response, but upon getting none, she took a step past the chamber’s threshold.             Without turning, almost as if she could sense her supposed seclusion about to be disturbed, Twilight immediately spoke. “Please do not enter, Starlight,” she said in an eerily emotionless voice.             It made Starlight pause for a long moment, unsure how to proceed. Finally, she chose to withdraw her hoof, staying outside the chamber as requested. “How long has she been like this?” she asked the others, turning back to them.             They all exchanged troubled looks. “Since she tried to speak with Spike,” Rarity answered softly but with clear reluctance.             Starlight closed her eyes and averted her gaze, dismayed by that news. Trixie, meanwhile, glanced between the other girls and Twilight inside the chamber, clearly imagining how that conversation must have gone. “It went that badly, huh?” she concluded aloud, her tone gloomy.             “I spoke with changelings who said they could hear the shouting as far as dozens of rooms away, Trixie,” Rainbow answered critically. “Even further if you count the fact they can do that sense-your-feelings thing.” She glanced in at Twilight herself. “But from what we’ve heard…it was at least over quickly.”             Starlight snorted. “That’s not very comforting if it still left her in this state,” she noted aloud. “Haven’t any of you tried to comfort her?”             “We all wanna, sugarcube, but she won’t let us enter the room either,” Applejack reported gravely. “She’s determined ta keep herself isolated like this, the poor girl.”             “Hay, I even tried flying in there at top speed, to get to her before she could do anything,” Rainbow explained. She sighed herself. “But she just teleports me back out of the room every single time before I can even lay a hoof on her, and all without even turning around!”             “Though, we’re hoping that since they’re so close, Princess Celestia might have better luck once we find her,” Fluttershy continued. “I mean…if Celestia asked to come in…Twilight wouldn’t dare oppose her…would she?”             Trixie was watching Twilight through the doorway and noting how oddly still she was being. “I don’t know,” she said to the others with grave skepticism. “With how much grieving she’s clearly trying to do in there, I don’t know if even that’s going to make much difference.”             “Oh, don’t be such a party pooper,” Pinkie Pie declared as she suddenly rounded the corner and trotted up to the group, Princess Celestia trailing behind her. Unlike the others, Pinkie still seemed to be a little optimistic. “Besides, look who I found!”             “Princess Celestia,” Starlight greeted, giving the princess a respectful nod of her head, the others following her example.             “Hello Starlight Glimmer, everyone,” Celestia replied back in her usual polite manner, returning the nod to the group, but it seemed half-hearted. “How are you all holding up, in light of…recent events?”             Starlight gazed at the face of the princess and saw not even Celestia was in the best of spirits. “By the looks of it, not much better than you, Princess,” she noted then, thinking about it, quickly added, “no offense.”             “Absolutely none taken,” Celestia assured her quickly as she turned to gaze through the chamber doorway at Twilight but without moving closer than she already was. “Given the circumstances, I think we’re all excused to not be in the best of spirits right now.”             “If I may ask, princess, where were you?” Rainbow asked while they allowed Celestia the chance to survey the situation. “We’ve been looking for you everywhere.”             “As I always seem to be, in a meeting,” Celestia replied as she studied Twilight within the room, but for the moment did nothing to enter. “A few changeling representatives and I were discussing what the future will be bringing for all parties involved in today’s events when Pinkie Pie found me.”             “They were talking about what the changelings were going to do without a clear leader,” Pinkie offered matter-of-factly for the reference of the others.             “Right,” Trixie remarked aloud suddenly, as if she hadn’t thought of this before now. Given the day’s events, it was quite likely she hadn’t. “I suppose they are a bit lacking there right now, aren’t they?”             “We will work something out,” Celestia promised, but then nodded her head towards Twilight. “I trust she has been in here doing little else since, yes?”             “Other than keep us out, yeah, or at least so far as we know,” Applejack confirmed. “Ah take it Pinkie Pie filled ya in already?”             “Yes, and decided this was far more pressing,” Celestia explained, approaching the door so to address the pony within but stopping just shy of crossing through it. “Twilight? May I come in?”             They waited with baited breath for a reply from Twilight. She was in no hurry to respond, but eventually she did. “I’d rather you didn’t, princess,” she said softly, again without turning to face them.             The others exchanged worried glances at this, but Celestia resolutely stood at the door for just a second longer before entering anyway. Twilight, thankfully, made no protest or took any action to stop her. Nonetheless, Celestia stopped and seated herself a respectable distance from the grieving alicorn, still giving her some space.             “Speak your mind, Twilight,” she urged softly.             Twilight could be seen shaking her head. “That wouldn’t be a good idea right now, princess,” she replied.             “I can understand that,” Celestia said patiently, shooting a brief glance at the others still watching and listening from the doorway. “But bottling it up won’t help you either, Twilight, and we’re all very concerned for you right now.”             “Don’t be, princess,” Twilight retorted. “What has befallen me, I’ve only brought down upon myself.”             “Twilight,” Celestia continued, frowning slightly at this comment. “I want to make this absolutely clear. You didn’t make Chrysalis kill him anymore than the rest of us. That was her choice, her actions, not yours.”             “With all due respect, princess, I can’t see it that way, because I still got the ball rolling for it.”             “Well I don’t, and so do others. Even most of the changelings seem to put the blame for Thorax’s death on Chrysalis rather than you.”             “Then if she’s really to blame, why was Starlight so quick to offer Chrysalis the chance to reform?” Twilight challenged back.             Questioning gazes turned to Starlight at this, as Twilight wasn’t the only one wondering this. Starlight shuffled her hooves sheepishly under the pressure and for a moment wasn’t sure how to reply. “Well…” she began finally, looking at her mentor even though she still had her back turned to them, “…I guess because if I didn’t, then that would have made me no better than her, wouldn’t it? Chrysalis couldn’t forgive…but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t as well.” She paused, studying Twilight for a moment and suspecting why Twilight brought it up. “Do I really need to say you still have precisely the same opportunity too, Twilight?” she asked. “Because, for the record, you absolutely do, no matter what you have done, or think you’ve done.”             Twilight snorted at that. “That’s easier said than done,” she grumbled. She bowed her head, curling up on her body slightly as if she had been physically wounded. “Because of my actions, I’ve turned lives upside-down and alienated others…some who had once been very close to me. And someone’s still died from this that didn’t need to. Hay, I nearly started a war with the dragons over this, didn’t I? It’s a lot of bad things to even think about tackling, much less forgive. Right now…I’m feeling like the real villain in all of this.”             “Did Spike tell you that?” Fluttershy asked, worried.             “He didn’t have to,” Twilight replied simply. Though they still couldn’t see her face, they could still see her turning distant. “He just reminded me of my many sins in all of this.”             Celestia glanced back at the others for a moment, starting to get an idea how the falling out between Twilight and Spike had gone. “And what do you plan to do about those sins?” she asked the other princess, turning back to look at her.             “Accept them,” Twilight concluded simply. She shrugged her shoulders limply. “I should’ve done so long before now.”             “Do you intend to just let them weigh you down then, or do you have any plans to try and correct those sins?”             “Correct them?” Twilight snorted as if finding the idea ridiculous. “You do realize the full scope of what it is that I’ve done, right princess? Everything I have done for the past four moons was wrong, completely and utterly…and I’ve greatly hurt my closest of friends in refusing to stop, again and again until it built up to the point that, today, I think it caved in upon itself from the weight.”             A moment of silence fell as Twilight’s bitter words sank in. “Well, that’s gloomy,” Pinkie observed, sounding disappointed.             “My point is that my crimes aren’t just going to go away,” Twilight concluded.             Celestia paused to choose her words carefully before replying. “Overcoming those sins will take time, as will regaining the trust of those that have been wronged at any time in all of this,” she calmly agreed. “I won’t deny that, because that is the truth. But the truth is also that they won’t ever stop weighing down on your conscience unless you take the steps to make amends, Twilight.”             Twilight shook her head. She still hadn’t turned around. “You really think that’s even an option still, don’t you, princess?” she asked aloud, in an oddly contemptuous tone.             Celestia didn’t like it at all. “It isn’t going to go away or be surmounted overnight, certainly,” she stressed, moving her hoof to rub Twilight’s shoulder reassuringly. “But the healing you surely must know you need can’t happen at all unless the steps towards it are taken…but right now it seems to me you won’t even try.”             “Forgive me if I’ve been wallowing in my grief too much to even consider it, princess,” Twilight replied, her voice thick with cold sarcasm. “Let’s just say…I had my eyes opened up to reality today…and it sort of…crushed my soul in the process, you know?”             Celestia didn’t reply to that right away. “Twilight,” she began patiently. “What happened between you and Spike?”             Twilight was silent for a long moment, clearly not wanting to. She still hadn’t turned around. “How’s Cadance doing?” she asked suddenly instead, changing the subject.             Celestia suppressed a sigh at Twilight’s shirking but still relented and answered the question. “She’s doing fine now,” she assured. “The changelings were kind enough to treat and bandage her leg accordingly, and she will come out of the event no worse for wear. Last I checked, she was with Shining and her daughter.” She paused to gauge Twilight’s reaction for a moment. “Cadance doesn’t blame Spike at all for clawing her leg.”             “Of course not,” Twilight agreed morbidly. “Who could blame him for wanting to do that after everything that’s happened?”             “I remain quite convinced that it was entirely an accident and that his intention was merely to push her away, not hurt her,” Celestia reminded. “It didn’t come up when I spoke with him earlier, but nonetheless, I was left impressed afterwards that he wasn’t even aware he had done it, his grieving for Thorax being so fierce at the time.” She went quiet for a moment then moved the subject back to the topic at hoof. “I know things did not go well when you tried to speak with him yourself.”             “Yeah,” Twilight replied, and her head visibly drooped in shame. “I don’t know why I bothered…he obviously hates me now.”             Celestia took a deep breath and moved herself a step closer to Twilight. “He lost a good friend today, Twilight,” she reminded. “His emotions are of course going to be running high, so he may…”             “No,” Twilight interrupted, persistent. “He hates me. And he has every reason to. After what I’ve done to him, why would he do anything else?” A sob was heard escaping her. “I messed up too badly this time, princess. So I’ve only brought this down upon myself…and I deserve every bit of it.”             “Twilight Sparkle,” Celestia spoke sharply. “I will not listen to you berate yourself like this, no matter the circumstances. I am not here just so to give you the justification to hurt yourself further, I am here to try and help you get through this however necessary.” She reached out with one hoof for the smaller pony. “Twilight…please turn around so we can talk about this properly.”             Twilight at first made no motion to respond. But finally, she relented, and while keeping her ashamed gaze lowered, she slowly repositioned herself to face Celestia and, by extension, the doorway in which the others were all gathered and watching.             By doing this, she also revealed the rivulet of dried red blood running down the left side of her face from an unsightly gash on her upper temple.             Some of the others gasped, and Fluttershy, despite not being invited in, abruptly bolted into the room and hurried up beside Twilight so to look the thankfully no longer bleeding wound over. “What happened, Twilight?” the yellow pegasus demanded.             Twilight’s eyes were dejected and distant as she half-heartedly answered. “Spike threw a rock at me.”             The others exchanged concerned glances at this. As Twilight did not object Fluttershy’s entrance into the room, the others started to file in as well.             “I can’t see Spike meaning to do deliberate harm like that, Twilight,” Rarity noted gravely as she moved to stand beside Celestia. “As angry as he may be, he’s still never really been one to be recklessly violent like that.”             “It’s true, though,” Twilight persisted dimly, leaning her head slightly away from Fluttershy’s probing hooves as she worked to ensure the gash at least wasn’t going to need serious attention.             “That still doesn’t mean he intended to do it,” Rarity persisted back.             “Why wouldn’t he have?” Twilight replied, continuing to be defeatist about it.             “Twilight,” Applejack interjected sternly, not willing to stand for this. “Trust me, when ya git ta grievin’ as hard as he’s doin’ right now, it can git real easy ta stupidly let yer emotions take control and act without thinkin’.” She spoke with a voice of experience.             Unfortunately, it was lost on Twilight. “He knew what he was doing when he did it,” she still assured.             Applejack again moved to object, but Celestia calmly stopped her with one hoof, seeing nothing to be gained from arguing it. “Nevertheless,” she remarked in a collected tone, “what’s important now is that we’re here to remind you that no matter what, it is gravely important that you do not give up on yourself over this.”             “Too late,” Twilight said with finality. She then closed her eyes again, fighting back tears. “Besides, that’s only half the matter…Spike isn’t in a good place right now,” she turned ashamed once more as her tears renewed themselves. “No thanks to me.”             “So we fix it,” Pinkie concluded simply. “And we make it up to Spike.”             “Ah hate ta be a buzzkill, Pinkie, but Ah think it ain’t gunna be that simple,” Applejack responded gravely. “And ’sides…” the apple farmer looked at Twilight. “Let’s not kid ourselves…it ain’t us that he has issues with.”             A heavy silence fell upon the group as Twilight averted her gaze, ashamed.             Then, unexpectedly, Trixie pushed her way to the front the group. “What did you say to him, Twilight?” she asked her longtime rival, breaking a long period of silent listening.             Twilight shifted her gaze onto Trixie, surprised. “To Spike?” she repeated to confirm. Her expression immediately turned guilty. “All of the wrong things, obviously.”             “But what were they?” Trixie pressed, looking for details. She gazed at Twilight with an expression that was partly serious and partly sympathetic. “Did you try to apologize for what you did?”             Twilight averted her gaze again. “…no,” she admitted reluctantly.             “Twilight,” Rarity gasped, shocked.             “I know, I know, it should’ve been the first thing out of my mouth, but…” Twilight shook her head, tearing up but too angry at herself to shed them. “It’s just—my brain locked up, and…he…he caught me off guard, immediately blaming me for killing his friend, and…”             “Wait, you?” Applejack interrupted here. “But we have no idea if Thorax wouldn’t have still died even if ya—”             “Shh, let her finish,” Trixie interjected, cutting Applejack short while listening intently to Twilight’s words.             “The point is that he blamed me for everything,” Twilight continued miserably. She began to nod her head in agreement. “And…frankly…he’s entirely right to. I should’ve just let him.” Her nod transformed into a shake. “But instead…I tried to defend myself…and stupidly tried to pin the blame on him instead.”             Even Celestia’s eyes widened in surprise at this. “Twilight…” she breathed. “Why in Equestria would you do such a thing to him and at a time like this, no less?”             “You see?” Twilight suddenly snapped, whipping her head up to stare them all down. “Even when I had my one chance to try and make amends, I blew it! I should’ve gone in there begging for forgiveness, and instead I kicked him while he was down, insulting him and his friend on top of that! Obviously, I still can’t see the truth, I still can’t learn!” Her voice gradually grew into a roar. “I chased Spike away needlessly, forcing him to risk his life for nothing just because I was too stupid to see that I was completely and utterly WRONG! Spike’s never going to forgive me for that, and right now I don’t think I want him to! I don’t deserve forgiveness even if I somehow still could because after everything I’ve done, WHO WOULD FORGIVE SOMEONE LIKE ME AT THIS POINT?”             A heavy silence fell upon the group, staring as Twilight sat there panting and quietly sobbing to herself.             “Thorax would’ve.”             All eyes turned to Trixie. Twilight stared at her as if she had grown a second head.             “He’s dead,” the alicorn pointed out bitterly.             Trixie frowned. “I haven’t forgotten,” she replied darkly. “But if he was still alive…he would’ve.”             Twilight just continued to gape at her. “Not that it matters now, but why would he do that?” she demanded.             At this, Trixie simply shrugged. “That’s just who he was, Twilight,” she whispered. “He…he liked to see the good in everyone…liked to think every wrong could be made a right if we just tried.”             “That’s hardly realistic,” Twilight argued.             Trixie wasn’t swayed. “Is it? Have you even tried to right your wrongs?”             Twilight responded by closing her eyes and turning her head away. “Can I even?”             “Seems clear to me you want to, or else would you even be this worked up over it?”             “Does it matter what I want right now, Trixie?”             “Absolutely. Because speaking as a mare that got everything she has now because she wanted it badly enough to earn it, where there’s a will, there is a way.”             “It’s a bold philosophy, Trixie…but I just can’t believe it until I actually see it happen.”             “So you’re basically saying you’re just going to give up on yourself until someone actually forgives you for this?”             Twilight thought about it for a moment. “…I guess I am.”             Starlight interrupted the discussion by placing a hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “Trixie, where are you going with this?” she asked.             Trixie looked at her for a moment, then at the others. She lowered her gaze, biting her lip. “It’s just…it’d be all too easy to blame Twilight for everything and basically crucify her for it without anybody complaining…”             “Gee, thanks, Trixie,” Twilight grumbled sarcastically.             “But…” Trixie continued, “…if we did that…would it really prove we’ve learned anything?”             The others stared at her blankly. “What are you getting at?” Pinkie asked, confused.             “Look, this all began because we refused to forgive a changeling, right?” Trixie asked. She waited until the others slowly started to nod their heads before continuing. “Because we didn’t think it realistic that a changeling would want to try and change, right?” Again, she received confirming nods. “We all know better now, or at least I hope we do, but…if we forgive someone like the changelings, only to turn around and refuse to do so for someone else, like Twilight here, then aren’t we just…being hypocrites? Why is one grave enemy deserving of forgiveness when the other isn’t?”             The others stared at Trixie for a long moment, surprised by her providing this potent thought. “She has a point,” Starlight finally agreed. She looked back at Twilight. “That was part of what Thorax was all about.”             “I know, he told me, and I think the best way to honor his memory is to follow his example,” Trixie continued seriously. “Especially if it means forgiving those we might not want to.” She focused her gaze on Twilight and approached the mare. “Thorax and I were close, Twilight,” she stated bluntly, which earned her a few surprised glances as not everyone in the room was aware of this yet. “And like Spike…his death cuts me very deep. I very much want to blame someone and hate them for all eternity for taking that wonderful changeling away from me.” She heaved a heavy sigh. “But I also know that would mean letting the example he taught me go in one ear and out the other…and that just seems…totally dishonorable to him, and to me…because I know I can do better. I want to do better. I’ve already been trying to do better.” She stopped to lick her lips. “So before I do anything else, I think I gotta do this, for the good of both of us.” She took a deep breath. “You know I’ve made stupid mistakes too, and you, Twilight Sparkle, haven’t ever really forgiven me for it. That’s long been frustrating for me, trying to do all I can to earn that forgiveness and never being good enough for it in your eyes, to the point that, on top of all of this now, I’ve long held a grudge against you over that. But I’m seeing now that, maybe, if I really ever want to have any chance of getting your forgiveness…I need to show you the same courtesy, and since you seem to think you need someone to forgive you in order to spur you to do the rest, well…I guess it’s obvious what to do.”             Then, as what she intended was only just starting to sink in for everybody watching, Trixie stepped forward and gently took Twilight by both shoulders, looking her right in the eye. “I…I forgive you, Twilight Sparkle,” she said resolutely, with only a brief flicker of hesitation, “For everything.”             Twilight gaped at her for a long moment. “You don’t actually—”             “But I do,” Trixie assured seriously.             “But why?” Twilight breathed, not understanding.             “Because Thorax would’ve,” Trixie pressed on, having somehow taken full control of the conversation, leaving the others standing to one side and watching in awe. “In fact, he probably already had forgiven you, right on up to his death. And that’s the other thing you need to understand, Twilight. You…you acknowledge you messed up and misjudged him…but you still haven’t acknowledged who he was, what he did. He died, Twilight, saving your life. Despite everything you’ve done to abuse him, he gave himself up, so to save you. Doesn’t that suggest he thought you were still worth saving? He had already forgiven you, Twilight, but since he can’t be here to show it himself…I will.” She shook her head, her eyes watering slightly. “Oh, Thorax…I regret you never got to know him like I did, Twilight, like all the rest of us did…and maybe that’s your real problem right there. Everyone else here got to know him enough to know there was far more to him than what met the eye, but you haven’t, and now you’re never going to get the chance to, not like we have…and that’s a darn shame.”             “Where are you going with this, Trixie?” Twilight asked softly, breathless.             Trixie stopped to lick her lips again. “You want to make amends for you mistakes, right? Then I think the first thing you need to do is learn all you can about the changeling that had to suffer because of those mistakes. And to do that…I guess you’re going to need to talk to someone who knew Thorax, who can explain to you just who he was and why he needs to be cherished for having ever been in this world to begin with.” She gazed knowingly at Twilight. “Someone who would know him even better than me.”             Twilight’s face fell, understanding exactly who Trixie referred to. “I already tried. He won’t talk to me. You know that.”             “Maybe not now. But Thorax meant the world to him, and so did what he stood for. Sooner or later, Twilight…he’s going to remember that. And when it does…I’m willing to stake my reputation as the Great and Powerful Trixie that it’ll overpower his anger. It may not be tonight, tomorrow, next week, or maybe even next year…but it’ll come. Will you be ready for it when that time comes? Or are you only going to prove him right, show him you really aren’t repentant and that he doesn’t mean enough for you to even try?”             Twilight didn’t respond to that. Trixie, however, didn’t seem to expect a response as she instead took in a deep breath as she turned away from Twilight, slipping back through the shocked group and quietly sitting herself on the floor against the side chamber wall, closing her eyes and leaning her head back on its resinous surface. A heavy moment of silence hung in the room as Trixie’s words sank in.             Twilight, finally, broke the silence with a groan, leaning back her head too. “I do want to make it up to Spike,” she murmured aloud. “I really do…but I still can’t help but think he’s right. If he really meant what I always thought to me, I never would’ve let this happen in the first place. So I don’t know if I even deserve to try.”             The others turned their gazes back at her. “Then do nothing,” Starlight challenged abruptly.             “Starlight!” Rarity declared, shocked.             Starlight was resolute, though. “If you really think that, Twilight, then don’t do anything,” she declared. “If you really think you don’t deserve that chance to at least start trying to make amends…then ultimately, that’s up to you, not us.” She took a step forward. “Whether either of you can forgive the other isn’t what is important for right now anyway, because I think, regardless of whether or not it can be worked out…I don’t think either of you are going to find the closure you both need until you can talk it through properly…together. Not shout angrily at each other. But actually talk…figure out where you both need to be and what that means for the other. Otherwise neither of you will ever really know what could’ve been had you tried…and I speak with the utmost confidence when I say that would haunt the both of you forever.”             “Besides, Twilight,” Celestia spoke up suddenly, “could you really live with yourself if you let it end here? That the last things either of you said to each other were words of malice and hatred?”             Twilight closed her eyes wearily. “…no.”             “But…” Rainbow Dash interjected suddenly after a long moment of silence, looking uncertain, “…how can we really expect either of them to work this out, to any degree? I mean…I don’t wanna be all down on Twi or Spike, but…” she looked at Twilight knowingly, “…you are both still right about one thing.”             Twilight met Rainbow’s gaze and slowly nodded her head, understanding. “I messed up,” she summed up. “Big time. Worse, I’ve hurt Spike…then hurt him even worse when I failed to acknowledge it. I can’t just apologize for that and expect everything to be…to be…”             “Hunky-dory?” Pinkie offered, trying to be helpful.             “Exactly. It might as well have been me stabbing Spike instead of Chrysalis stabbing Thorax, I’ve hurt him that badly. That’s not going to just vanish…” she shook her head sadly. “…maybe that’s my punishment…the consequences of my actions…” she closed her eyes again. “And yet even that doesn’t feel like punishment enough.”             “Torturing yourself over this won’t help, Twilight,” Celestia warned gently. “Trust me…I’ve tried it before.”             Everypony knew better than to pry details from her on that.             Starlight sighed after a momentary silence. “Twilight, I don’t mean to downplay the seriousness of what’s happened,” she said. “And…I can’t lie. Knowing now what it was you said to Spike that led to that fight earlier…I honestly can understand why Spike reacted the way he did.” Twilight snorted at that, but Starlight didn’t acknowledge it and kept talking. “And Rainbow is right…it’s probably unrealistic for any of us to expect forgiveness, of any sort, to take place between you two any time soon. But Twilight…I think I know what your one mistake was. You let your feelings blind you to the damage of your actions because you feared for the safety of us all, most especially Spike’s safety, and you just didn’t show enough faith in trusting him judging for himself… so you acted as you thought you had to.”             “She’s right, Twilight, you became so focused on that fear that you never stopped to think that you didn’t need to fear,” Fluttershy added. “And…fear’s a powerful thing, so…in a way, I can understand why you failed to see that sooner.”             “That doesn’t make it right or justify it,” Twilight stressed. She averted her gaze in shame. “No matter how much I want it to.”             “No, it won’t, and that all said,” Celestia interjected, drawing Twilight’s attention back onto her, “there will still be many consequences that will follow all of this, not all of which I can even safely predict, and they will still be extremely trying for us all.” She raised Twilight’s chin with one hoof. “Are you going to be strong enough to face them yourself?”             Twilight looked at Celestia for a second then closed her eyes in shame. “No,” she decided.             “Then that’s why we’re here, sugarcube,” Applejack assured, stepping forward too. “Ta help pick up the slack and give ya the support ya need ta face ‘em.”             Twilight kept her eyes closed for a moment, breathing deeply. “I really don’t deserve that though,” she repeated. “Not after how much I’ve messed up.”             “We all messed up, Twilight,” Starlight stressed, the others immediately nodding in agreement. “We all could have done more sooner to prevent what happened, but at some point, we all voluntarily chose not to and instead further promoted a wrong, just like you did. Whatever penalties awaiting you are still awaiting us too.” She shrugged. “So we might as well all face them together.”             They fell silent as they watched Twilight mull upon all of this, anxiously awaiting her next response to this. Eventually, the purple mare focused her attention back on Celestia. “So what happens now, princess?”             Celestia took a deep breath. “Much of that is still to be decided,” she admitted first of all. “For right this moment, we will finish up the remaining affairs here at the changeling hive, assisting how we can. Once we return to Equestria, and by extension Canterlot, we will then sit down with the nobility and…we will discuss what needs to follow next.” Celestia bit her lip. “I won’t lie, Twilight…they will likely not go easy on either of us. But I will not let them or you assign the majority of the blame only on you for this, because it wasn’t just you who was at fault.” Her eyes turned sad as she looked over the grieving pony before her. “And as far as I am concerned, you have already suffered enough…so I think right now, you just need the chance to…try and make amends for your actions.”             “Make amends,” Twilight repeated to herself. She sighed. “Unfortunately, the one I really need to make amends with the most…died…and probably because I couldn’t trust him when I had the chance.” She shook her head. “Spike said it himself…I’m supposed to be the princess of friendship…I should’ve been the first to befriend Thorax…but not only did I not, I turned around and tried to demonize him just because…I didn’t want to be wrong. Clearly, I don’t know as much about friendship as everypony thought.”             A long moment of silence fell, the others all watching Twilight closely, wondering what she would say next.             “Princess Celestia,” she said, addressing the other alicorn directly, “I hereby offer my resignation as the princess of friendship.”             All eyes shot to Twilight in shock. Trixie, who hadn’t shifted from her spot since she had moved away, abruptly gasped. Celestia locked eyes with Twilight seriously, who resolutely returned the gaze, awaiting Celestia’s response.             “She can’t do that,” Rainbow remarked suddenly, pointing a hoof at Twilight. “Can she?”             “She can,” Celestia confirmed seriously. She looked Twilight directly in the eyes, who continued to return the gaze, undeterred. “But only if I choose to accept her resignation and allow it to be enacted.”             Already guessing what her response was likely to be then, Twilight immediately moved to press her case. “Princess, please,” she pleaded. “It’s only fair after how royally I’ve screwed up.”             “And you think I haven’t?” Celestia suddenly snapped back, startling Twilight into silence. “My poor choice of actions in all of this led us here just as much as yours simply because I, too, failed to see what was really going on sooner, so Thorax’s blood is just as much on my hooves as they are on yours. Should I resign as princess too, then?”             Twilight, surprised, started shaking her head. “No, of course not, because it wasn’t the same for you, you were only acting upon what little knowledge you were given, as you thought best…princess, this isn’t your fau—”             “Yes it is, just as much if not more than it is for you, Twilight.”             “Then fine!” Twilight concluded, frustrated. “Consider me on voluntary time off from all princess duties until further notice, because it doesn’t matter what all of you think about this, the fact of the matter is I just don’t feel worthy of being a princess right now, and if I don’t feel that, how can you expect me to perform the duties as needed?” She looked at all of them one by one. “Please…I need this. You don’t need to understand why. Just know…I need to do this so to work this out…maybe use it to try again and start over. I feel it’s the only way I can have any hope of…making any reparations in the end, big or small.”             Celestia sighed. “I’m not going to talk you out of this then, am I?” she asked. As Twilight shook her head, she mulled upon the matter for a second. “Then we will leave it to the courts to have the final decision on that,” she concluded. “We will not be able to avoid them regardless, so we might as well postpone a ruling on this matter until then anyway. In the meantime, though…I will respect your wishes in that I will consider you on…prolonged leave from princess duties. I am certain Luna and I will be more than willing and able to pick up the slack for now.”             Twilight nodded, finding that agreeable. “Thank you, princess.”             Another moment of silence fell, the group unsure what to say next.             “So what now?” Fluttershy finally asked.             “Well, what about Spike?” Pinkie suggested. She turned concerned. “At the very least, sounds to me like…like he could really use a friend to lean on right now.”             “Indeed, I imagine he would, the poor dragon,” Rarity agreed and turned to the others. “And now that Pinkie’s brought it up, I am starting to worry about him, especially as I believe the viewing for Thorax has ended and he could very well be all alone now. We should check up on him, try to give him support to…if he will permit it.”             “But we can’t all go,” Applejack objected and motioned to Twilight. “Twi needs our support too.”             “Don’t worry about me, Applejack,” Twilight assured dejectedly. “It’s not like—”             “Ya need it too, Twilight,” Applejack interrupted, refusing to let Twilight turn them away. She turned to the others. “We could split up. Some of us can go ta Spike, the rest will stay with Twilight here.”             Starlight rose to her hooves. “I’ll go,” she decided immediately, turning for the door. “I’m probably the one he’ll most likely allow to try, so I’ll drop in and check in on him, make sure he isn’t—”             “You will not be able to,” Princess Luna announced, interrupting as she abruptly entered the chamber to the surprise of all present.             “Luna!” Celestia declared, turning around to meet her younger sister. “I was unaware you had returned.”             “I had only just arrived back at the hive about a half-hour ago,” Luna reported as she joined the group, accepting a brief hug from Celestia. “But I am pleased to report that all is well in Canterlot and in Equestria on a whole, and that nopony there was hurt. It seems word quickly reached the changeling agents that Chrysalis’s attempted takeover had failed and as such, any changelings in the area appear to have already fled by the time I arrived, leaving most ponies not even aware such a takeover had been taking place.”             “Gotta give Chrysalis some props for getting that far and barely drawing any attention to herself in the process then,” Rainbow admitted in a grumble.             “But Ah don’t git it, if the changelings were all the way out in Equestria when the stuff here was goin’ down, then how did they know what had happened soon enough so to flee at all?” Applejack asked, sounding partly confused and partly concerned. “Did someone here at the hive somehow manage ta git word out without anypony noticin’?”             “Or could Chrysalis have somehow gotten to them first, trying to recruit as many followers still loyal to her as she can?” Starlight suggested, also sounding concerned.             “That would seem like best course of action left to her at this point,” Twilight mumbled aloud, who was showing enough concern to overlook her own grieving for a second.             “I cannot say,” Luna admitted. “Thus far, we have been able to uncover very few clues that could explain it. If Chrysalis was somehow involved, she was able to do so quite discreetly and without any detection by Equestrian forces at least. But even if she is, I would sooner expect her to go into hiding regardless, so to regroup and plan her next move, thus buying time for us to prepare if we need it. Regardless, I have already taken the liberty of informing changelings here at the hive of the matter, and have already been told they will investigate as they can. Meanwhile, the royal guards have been tasked with sweeping Canterlot Castle, the Crystal Castle, Twilight’s Castle of Friendship and other suspected locations of changeling infiltration for any clues, traps they may have left, or perhaps even any changelings that may be still lingering in the area.”             “Important question,” Trixie interjected here, raising a hoof as she approached Luna. “My wagon got left in Ponyville when escaping the changelings. Is it still intact and unharmed and, follow-up question, are the guards searching it too?”             “According to what the guard has told me, yes and yes,” Luna replied patiently. “And they will not harm any of your belongings in or out of said wagon, Miss Trixie.”             Trixie sighed, relieved. “Well, at least something has gone right today…”             “Do you think the royal guard will find anything?” Rarity asked, drawing Luna’s attention.             “Not especially, but I believe I speak for all of us when I say I would prefer to be certain first,” Luna concluded. “Now, all locations presently under investigation the guard have asked be kept vacated so to aid in their search, but once they give the all clear, we will all then be free to return to them at our leisure.”             “Then back to Spike,” Starlight said, bringing the subject back on topic. “You were saying we would not be able to visit him?” She turned concerned. “Why?”             “As my duties in Canterlot had prevented me from doing so sooner, upon my return here, I wished to take the time to pay my respects to the late Thorax, as I hope all of you have already done,” Luna began by explaining, her expression falling as she did so. “But I found the doors closed and was told young Spike has sealed himself within with Thorax. He will not permit entry for anyone now, not even the changelings.”             The others exchanged concerned glances. “What’s he doing in there?” Rainbow asked, not understanding why Spike would do this.             “What do you think, Miss Dash?” Luna replied sadly, looking at the cyan mare. “He is grieving…the only way he knows how. And right now he wishes to do so in privacy.”             “Far be it for me to do anything to disturb him and his wishes at this trying time,” Celestia remarked, “but in his emotional state, I fear what he may decide to do in such utter solitude with no one watching over him.”             “As do I,” Twilight agreed, rising to her hooves. “He’s been hurt enough already—I don’t need him doing something…reckless…on top of that.”             “I will see to Spike’s wellbeing until morning,” Luna promised the group as she turned for the door, though she did not elaborate on how she would keep that promise. “And I intend to intervene if I suspect he does choose any such ill-advised actions and stop him.” She nodded her head at Twilight especially. “You have my word on that. But until then, I feel it will be best to leave Spike be…give him the chance he needs to try and work through some of his feelings on his own. Besides…I do not believe he intends to do anything of the such to himself or others, he just wishes to mourn for his friend in peace. At the growing lateness of the hour, I suspect he will be falling asleep soon anyway. So I will go now and stand guard, and it is my hope that by morning, after some needed rest, he will be in a better position to proceed with whatever the next step should be for him.”             “And if he isn’t?” Applejack challenged.             “Leave that to me,” Luna vowed, giving them a final glance as she exited.