Somersaults. A hoof to the air. Leaping and spin-kicking. Logs and barrels collapsed on the ground one by one.
Rinse, and repeat.
My mind was focused on solely that, working to perfect my physical capabilities guided by Starswirl's instructions, and enhanced through the magic of Balance. Taking a note out of Vegeta's book, I didn't take a breather for even a minute, my entire surroundings becoming a blur to me soon enough, taking advantage of the training area Twilight had kindly crafted to help hone my skills.
I wasn't taking any distracting bull[BEEP] this time; this was an intense training moment anyone could see and choose not to disturb me. Not even my only audience watching with evident awe at the golden Earth Pony kicking and punching the air with aerial reflexes of a Saiyan. Or Jedi, take your pick. Since it was clear to me that I couldn't get too involved with the episodes any longer, nowadays, since the incident in Canterlot with Moondancer and the Changelings, I've been directing my focus on perfecting my abilities either here, the apple trees at Sweet Apple Acres or the Everfree Forest.
Those Timberwolves made good target practice.
And... Relent.
Immediately obliging, my body on two hing legs lowered, placing my exhausted state into a kneeling position. That took a lot out of me, I used this moment to inhale and exhale deeply, hoping to catch my breath and continue onwards ASAP.
"That was amazing!"
Or not...
My tired head craned to see my observant in the physical realm rush over with ill-concealed glee, grinning widely. "You're really taking your training to heart! I can't wait to do all those fancy moves and impress Rari- I mean, protect everyone close to me."
"...You'll have to wait a little longer, Spike." Carefully rising, I stared down the waiting dragon. "In the meantime, why don't you fetch me some soda? I'm getting parched."
"Shouldn't you be having water instead?" Spike winked jokingly, turning. "I'll be right back." And he proceeded back towards the castle. I only observed him, grimacing in regret at the dragon's enthusiasm.
A little longer... Tch...
More like not for a very long time. Truthfully, the soda was mostly an excuse. The longer Spike watched me train, the more anticipated he'd get. And as Starswirl suggested back in Canterlot, that wasn't the smartest move right now. I'm sorry Spike, but I can't take any further chances with Zagreus on the loose. For all we know, granting the young dragon the power of Balance would hold significant repercussions, enough feedback of instability to empower the villainous abomination much further. Hence why I've mostly kept my training in solitude, given the chance. Spike doesn't need to be burdened with that magic and feel obligated to help fight Zagreus. That was the last thing I needed.
And it wasn't just Spike, regrettably. I've been finding myself distancing from my other friends to continue training from their oblivious eyes. Twilight wasn't an exception, it pained me to admit it. Ever since I returned from the Changeling ordeal, my focus was on enhancing my skills and that alone, barely making time for even a quick conversation with her or any of my other friends. If anyone's noticed - And knowing Twilight, she was probably the first - they've yet to comment, thankfully. With hope, they'll assume I'm practicing for the sake of getting stronger and stronger, instead of preferring not to interfere with their own lives all too much.
Your commitment to your friends has never been questioned, but this isn't an action you needn't take. Starswirl advised calmly. I merely suggested against playing a role with the major events involving friendship itself, not for you to distance yourself from those you care for. This isn't the necessary correct path, Jack.
Isn't it? I'm sorry, Starswirl, but my mind's made up. I can't risk it anymore. The situation with Chrysalis gave me an epiphany I had forgotten about since Sombra took over my mind and body; wherever I go, danger follows. So long as Zagreus remains, I'm a threat to everyone around me. I can't just sit still, I have to fight.
You're continuing to cast fault on yourself for Zagreus's being. Surely you have to accept by now that is entirely not the case?
'Entirely?' I played a role, regardless. Face facts, I was the catalyst to his existence. You think you're to share the blame, teacher? I was the one who chose to become a part of these ponies' lives.
I... Chose to endanger them all.
Heh... I'm no better than Timber.
If we're finished with the pity party. The demanding tone of the fallen King Sombra snapped. Let us resume with your training. You wish to make up for Zagreus's creation? Then get back to work; he won't simply wait for you to grow as powerful.
Wiping my pony brow, I straightened myself, nodding. That was enough of a short break. Rising on two hind legs again, I adopted my custom stance... And charged forward, this time aiming for the hung pony dummies. One by one the wood-crafted target practices snapped and fell harmlessly to the ground, and I wasn't letting up for one minute, teeth grit and hoofs running rampant.
For them... I was doing this for them... For Twilight...
From the spiritual world, my wise teacher spoke with open graveness, Please, don't strain yourself too much, Jack...
Oh, of course...
On hearing the door open, Twilight whirled her head to face me with a small, unashamed smile. "Hey Jack." I only nodded in turn, slightly too tired to sleep, gulping down the soda bottle. Twilight motioned to the screen beside her. "I was just showing Starlight here the wonders of human technology." Starlight waved feebly, resuming her own curious gaze on the PC before them. Again, I nodded, internally wincing at the fact Twilight decided to do this now.
I was hoping to get some peaceful mediation in my own room. But, surprise surprise, here she is, unwittingly refusing to let me deal with matters alone. Taking another swig, I only motioned for Twilight to carry on what she's doing, too tired to even argue at this point. And why would I? Her intentions are innocent and sincere, I've never doubted her, not even once.
And as Twilight nodded with a pure, Goddess-like smile, continuing to demonstrate to her student the lit piece of tech, I paused from reaching the center of the blue room and opted to watch her. Not the information she was reading from the PC, but her. She was... Beautiful, in every single way. Determined, passionate, kind, intelligent, all the positive traits the ideal woman - Or mare - would have. To this day, I still wonder what on Earth granted me this amazing chance to be with her in that capacity. She's too perfect, too pure...
Too... Innocent...
I sighed, lowly, so Twilight couldn't hear it, the alicorn happily scanning through the web pages as though she's been acquainted with computers her whole life, much easier to handling the mouse and keyboard with magic as opposed to human fingers. Yes, Twilight was innocent, completely, in all this. And I've brought her nothing but irritation and sorrow.
And how do I make up for it? Heh, I never do, do I? Twilight will always forgive me regardless of my mistakes, and that calms and infuriates me. What right do I have to be forgiven, especially concerning Zagreus. Twilight would unquestionably state that the monster's birth wasn't my fault, just like Starswirl, Starlight, and pretty much everyone else I know. But the truth was in plain sight... And these ponies, especially the mare I... Well... Even she was far too naive and innocent, despite her own insight and all the experience she gained since moving to Ponyville, oh so long ago.
We were alike in that regard. The difference is, Twilight adapted easily. I was hardened by the mistakes of my past. Oh true, it was thanks to her efforts and all our friends that I was able to let go of my regrets for back then, but Canterlot was further proof that I will just keep making mistakes, mistakes enough to harm my wonder friends, my second family... And this amazing, pure purple divine creation with her back turned to me...
I don't deserve her...
...I'll have to meditate elsewhere. True Twilight's presence was enough to soothe me into a peaceful state of relaxation, but, as I said before, I have to train in solitude; meditation was no exception. Perhaps the Castle of the Two Sisters will do just the trick.
"By the way." Twilight turned to me. "I was thinking." I restrained a grimace, pausing from my own exiting the room. "A new ideal routine concerning your own Balance training." Fair enough. I took another swig of the refreshing bottle, prompting Twilight's frown. "Firstly, I was thinking we should finally cut down on your seeming addiction to sugar. You've been eating more treats and far too much soda recently, I've noticed. Neither a healthy approach for your body nor your physical training."
"...Okay."
"Now I know you hold a special place for- Wait." Twilight blinked. "That's it? Simply 'Okay?'"
I nodded. "Yeah, it's fine."
This time, the alicorn spun the chair around to face me completely, lovely feature betraying her adorable surprise. And on the inside, I winced, getting more and more reminded as to why I hardly deserved this Princess. "Huh... I expected more of an objection from you..." Twilight muttered in slight disbelief, composing herself with a louder tone. "Also, I'm contemplating the idea of extending that training field outside to suit more than just your physical capabilities."
"Great idea." Really.
Again, Twilight looked momentarily stumped, blinking rapidly before wildly shaking her head. "W-Well, in addition, since Spike will apparently be training under your wing sometime soon." It was hard to mask the slight anxiousness in her tone saying that. "I intended to install a small part of the field specifically for him to try out. We wouldn't want Spike to overexert himself."
"No, we wouldn't. Is that all?"
"I... I suppose?"
I nodded, finally opting to leave and ignoring the dubious expression Twilight was giving me as a farewell gift. I was too tired to even form a contradictory opinion... Hell, I was reluctant to even start fighting back. Whatever appeased the alicorn enough to keep her focused on her own work.
"And don't neglect to forget about the Wonderbolts show in Ponyville later today. Rainbow'll want us all to be there!" Twilight called out, which I barely acknowledged. Can't waste any further time then. Meditation first, then the show.
Leaving the room, I managed to hear Starlight question her teacher, "Are you sure he didn't mind us being here?"
Meditation was a bust. Plain and simple.
We all have those days. Was Starswirl's attempt of reassurance. Contrary to popular belief, the art of meditation isn't an immediate source of calmness. Your heart is too unsettled to concentrate for today.
There's a word for it, that's for certain. You're growing too imbalanced yourself with the constant self-berating.
And can you blame me?
Hmph, when it's typically my job to scold you for your own failures and idiotic decisions, of course I can.
You're throwing yourself under the bus, as they say. Jack, I implore you, don't allow this guilt to distance yourself from your friends once more, not after all the progress you and they made, together, in making you a better person than you were a long time ago.
I can't help it Starswirl! Pausing from my walk to God knows where, I huffed and glared upwards at a beautiful azure sky. Zagreus coming back is my fault, so stop trying to make me feel better about it.
It's better than listening to you constantly belittle yourself. I've had equines grovel pathetically in my time, but you're proving to be the most stubborn self-loathing creature I know.
Jack, rest assured, I'm doing everything in my power to locate any trace of Zagreus. My mentor tried again. Don't allow what happened underneath Canterlot to make you presume you are an undermine to everyone you care for. That has never been the case, even they would attest that they wouldn't imagine a life without you.
Only because I've intervened with their lives too much!
"Stardust?"
Ah [BEEP]...
"Darling, what in heavens' name are you doing glaring at the sky like that?" Rarity walked towards me with an inquisitive gaze in those sapphire orbs, glancing up curiously. "You make it look as though a storm is just on the horizon."
There is, Rarity... Just not the storm you're thinking of.
The unicorn then looked back to me and frowned, clocking her tongue in disapproval. "You're not wearing your regular cape and hat today, and I can see why? Your sweat is visible from the sunlight!" Rarity tilted her head, moving so we're face-to-face, curling her muzzle in slight irritation. "And your beard, goodness me. It's desperately asking to be groomed, and it would be callous of me not to offer my services. Come along, Stardust, you need to be cleaned up after clearly training hard today."
"Okay." Let's just get it over with.
"Then let us go back to my-" Rarity stopped herself, blinking in surprise. "I'm sorry? You're... Not going to argue?"
"Let's just get it over with." The sooner Rarity stops fussing over my facial hair, the sooner I can get out of her sight and back to work. And who knows, perhaps a quick grooming will do me wonders. I highly doubt it, but who knows?
"But, you normally prefer your beard untouched- ...Are you feeling alright, darling?"
"Never better, Rarity."
"...Hmph, very well." The white unicorn, either convinced or not, turned and motioned for me to follow. "If we hurry, we'll fix you up just in time for the Wonderbolt spectacle arriving soon. I'm sure Rainbow Dash will be thrilled to have a friend looking neat and tidy for her first Wonderbolt event."
"Yeah."
She paused for a moment, glancing over her shoulder with a faint frown. "Are you sure you're alright? You're usually more... Vocal regarding these matters."
I sighed. "I'm fine Rarity... Lead the way."
I couldn't bare to watch.
Throughout the whole spectacle, I waited, knowing exactly what was going to happen the moment Rainbow borrowed Scootaloo from the stands. Instincts urged me to assist before things spiraled out of control. But I had to restrain myself, Starswirl's warning repeating itself and over and over in my mind.
With that, I forced my eyes shut as the accident commenced, the blue pegasus - Finally an official Wonderbolt - making a fool of herself completely unintentionally, turning into a pong ball with bouncing into obstacles starting with a dark storm cloud. The sounds of her screams and echoes of smashing into stuff prompted my continuous winces and pangs of guilt. I could've done something... I should've...
But I can't.
Was there really no other way, teacher...?
Regrettably, my young friend, we can't risk the chance... The old unicorn responded with clear remorse, obviously watching the events too. Only take heart in knowing Miss Dash hasn't received injuries to the point of fatality.
I couldn't stopped her from getting hurt in the first place...
With every action, there are repercussions. Starswirl started gravely. You would spare her the pain today, but the feedback of your involvement would be consumed by the hiding imbalanced form that is Zagreus. Sometimes, all we can do is simply observe as others experience these unfortunate dilemmas... And hope for the best.
The coward's way to approach matters. Sombra muttered bitterly. But in this case, as Starswirl says, there's little choice this time.
And as the event was over, cotton candy flying all over the stands and gathered ponies watching, I finally opened my eyes and grimaced at the state of Rainbow, slowly following after my friends as we rose from our seats and hurried down to check on our friend. Long ago, I might've laughed at Rainbow's state-
Wait... No, no I wouldn't have. Even back then I wasn't so heartless.
But as Rainbow was being scolded by the captain, I could feel it. The pair of violet eyes burning into my soul upon noticing the guilt and regret plain on my face, the bond letting me the accusatory statement.
"You knew."
I did... And I'm terribly sorry for it.
I waited until the coast was clear, before revealing myself after Twilight and the rest left, leaving Rainbow to clean up after herself for the mess today. Not for any longer. With the blue pegasus cheerfully whistling to herself, it took further approach before the sound of hoofsteps reached her pony ears.
"Huh?" Pink eyes widened in small surprise. "Oh, hey there! I was wondering where you were; didn't see you with the others."
My first reaction was to bow my head somewhat, the self-anger bubbling from my throat. "I'm sorry."
"Hmm?" Rainbow paused in her sweeping of the ground. "For what?" I waited, letting the answer speak for itself. The blue pegasus just stared at me... And stared... Until the implications as to why I'd be here hit her like a ton of bricks. "You knew...!"
I only nodded.
"You knew this would all happen!"
I nodded again.
"But... Why didn't you warn me beforehand?" Rainbow frowned heavily, gesturing to the bandages around her hooves. "I could've learned my lessons without all these you know!"
"I know..." And just looking at them makes me feel sick on the inside.
Rainbow's expression softened somewhat. "Did I... Do something wrong? Like, I know we were the last out of all our friends to get along but..."
I shook my head. "You didn't do anything wrong."
The mare looked positively befuddled. "Then why... What stopped you from helping me not screw things up today?"
"Is there an extra broom?"
"Huh?" Rainbow was taken off-guard by the sudden question, pointing to the side. "Just over there. Why- Huh, wait!" The pegasus called out rather irritably as I swiftly walked by her. "What are you doing?"
"Making up for my negligence." That was acceptable, wasn't it Starswirl? The episode was done and over by now, surely I can make up for lost time and help her clean up the rest?
For the first time today, Starswirl's voice offered me hope. You have no objections from me this time around, Jack.
"I already told our friends I didn't need help cleaning up my own mess."
"Tough."
Rainbow blinked, pouting her muzzle as I picked up the prepared extra broom and started to assist. "Come on, it's all my fault this happened! Let me fix my mess."
"Like all the times you girls left me to clean up my own mistakes?" I retorted matter-of-factly, shaking my head whilst getting to work.
"...Touche." The mare, thankfully, relented. "Just try not to take most of the credit. Wouldn't want the Wonderbolts to start thinking I'm too lazy to make an effort for the team."
"Duly noted."
And here I thought you were refraining from spending time with your friends...
This is out of necessity, Sombra, a way of making up for just sitting idly by and letting Rainbow get hurt. And I think, deep down, the blue pegasus also sweeping away knew that too, and was grateful for it.
"Stardust."
"Hm?"
"Thanks again for helping out."
"Sure."
"I mean it." Rainbow flew before my eyes, meeting my gaze intently with hardened pink orbs. "You might be hard-headed at times, but you wanted to make up for doing nothing. So... Thanks pal."
I nodded, smiling for the first time today at the genuine gratitude. "Of course. Happy to help Rainbow."
Leaning back, Rainbow hovered above the ground, getting better to fly again, but not too much. "So... Why didn't you help?" She then cocked her head thoughtfully. "Come to think it, ever since you came back from Canterlot last week, you've been keeping to yourself a lot, also making small talk, literally, and even distancing yourself from Twilight."
Dammit. That noticeable huh...?
Subtlety was never your strong point, though I need not remind you there.
But you did anyway, thanks.
"So spill." Rainbow glared down expectantly. "What happened back in Canterlot to make you like... Like... The old you back then?"
Something I can't possibly share, otherwise Rainbow will inform our friends right off the bat, and that'll prompt them to become even more involved with matters. I don't need them to be so worried about me.
Speaking of worry. "Don't strain yourself." I nodded to her flying state.
The prideful blue mare frowned. "Don't change the subject Star."
"I wasn't." She continued to stare me down, determined to get an answer. Sighing, I thought of something suitable with, "I ran into trouble, that's it."
A raised brow of intrigue. "What kind of trouble?"
"The kind that made me realize."
"Realize what?"
She wasn't gonna let up. My muzzle firm, I attempted to deflect the question, hopefully pulling it off. "How committed I must be to my training, now more than ever. I can't be distracted anymore, Rainbow. I have to stay focused."
Rainbow tilted her head inquiringly. "Then why didn't you just say so?! You could've told us you needed to concentrate; we wouldn't be so worried otherwise. Do you have any idea how much Twilight's been talking about you since you came back to Ponyville?" The mare rolled her eyes in good humour, pitching up her voice significantly. "'I wonder why he's so secretive of late.' 'Is there something wrong, maybe we should do something.' 'I'm so in love with that stubborn stallion that I can't stop worrying about him as much as whenever I'm missing a book!'"
"...That's a terrible impression." I deadpanned. And don't get me started on the impressions this pegasus made in the episode itself of all her friends. They weren't bad, but boy did it get old halfway through.
Although, in some fairness, they were probably the most memorable part of that whole episode.
Rainbow scoffed. "Point is, you being all suddenly mysterious is starting to get us all worried, Twilight especially. I wish you'd just finally admit your feelings for one another already."
"We have!" I retorted in befuddlement.
"No, I mean, your love for one another. Get it?" Rainbow rolled her eyes in exasperation. "As in, love-love. You know, finally getting to that part of your relationship. I mean you do love Twilight, right?"
"I-"
I stopped myself, before I could even release the truth. Did I love Twilight? Have I reached that height of my feelings for the mare to safely declare what I felt around her was pure, unselfish, protective love?
"She makes me smile..." I mumbled before I could stop myself. "She makes me laugh. She makes me feel safe. She makes me feel so alive, like I'm worth living for because she gives me peace and hope. And..."
"And...?" Rainbow echoed, rolling her bandage hoof around knowingly.
The next few words spoke from the heart. "I can't ever imagine being alive without her."
...Was that it...? Starswirl, Sombra...?
Ask your heart.
You already know the answer boy... You've known all this time.
...
Rainbow snorted. "See? You love her, Stardust! And guess what, she loves you too!" She... Does? "Oh don't look like that; it's so obvious! Do you know how frustrating it is watching you two dance around each other, making googly eyes and smiling together without even confessing your love? Rarity never shuts up about it!" Landing softly on the ground, Rainbow motioned forward with a wide playful grin. "So?"
"'So...' What?"
Rainbow huffed. "What are you waiting for? Go to her and get it over with already. Twilight wants you to be happy, you want Twilight to be happy, we want our friends to be happy. Get it?"
...Do I? Do I honestly...?
Unfortunately for Rainbow, I refused to confront Twilight about where we stand the entire night. That didn't mean I wasn't beating myself up thinking over the pegasus' words all night in bed. Eventually, I had managed to sleep.
But even when waking up, the words Rainbow said continued to dance in my brain.
So, I took a walk, around Ponyville with no destination in particular, just to clear my head, preferring against seeing Twilight at all. I hate to avoid her like this, but I needed to sort these feelings out. If I... Did feel that strongly about her, I can't just go recklessly charging in and expect Twilight to share that heightened level of affection.
I might love her, but she might only like me in turn.
There was a fine line between love and affection, and I would never want to pressure Twilight like that. I cared for her too much... Not to mention, as I told Rainbow last night, I couldn't afford any further distractions. Loving Twilight only made things more complicated... And an easier target for the likes of Zagreus.
Such a thought sent a chill down my spine. No! If I did love Twilight to that extent, that's all the more reason I was motivated to train and fight. Love wasn't a burden; it's a cause. A promise! And I will protect everyone I love to the very end! And if my feelings for Twilight was that powerful. Well, all the more reason I should train.
So why did I feel... Like I was going to choke?
"Oh, I didn't see you there." Hm? Oh, my pause to glare at the yellow pathway had me right outside Fluttershy's cottage. The yellow pegasus in question was tending to her small friends before noticing my state. She smiled pleasantly. "Good morning Stardust."
"Hello Fluttershy..." Was it me, or did my voice sound unbelievably hoarse? Was contemplating my own feelings for Twilight getting to me so much it's affecting my voice? What the Hell was wrong with me...?
This is payment for falling in love, Jack.
And you know the sensation, do you?
"Umm, is everything alright...?"
"...No." I croaked, regarding the ground again in open remorse. "I'm afraid, Fluttershy..."
"O-Oh..." Hearing the sound of the mare moving, I felt a tender yellow hoof on my side. "Is there anything I can do?"
...None that I can think of. I shook my head, sighing tiredly. "No, thank you. I just... There's so much going on and... I'm not sure I can handle it any longer..."
Too much indeed. Zagreus, the responsibility of Balance, training under the watchful eye of a deceased wizard. And now, the possibility of being in love with an alicorn Princess who's always been miles out of my league. I'm amazed I haven't started cracking under the pressure yet. I chuckled in defeat out-loud.
Fluttershy remained by my side, speaking with a kindness unlike any other. "Why don't you come inside then? If you're feeling stress, I know just the perfect remedy."
"Six bottles of cola?"
The pegasus giggled slightly, gently tugging for me to follow. "Actually, a special tea that Zecora was kind enough to give me. It helps me whenever I'm feeling pressured about something."
...Yes. Yes perhaps I need something like that. Anything to relieve the stress. "You're too kind, Fluttershy."
The mare only smiled lightly. "Anything to help a friend in need."
...I wouldn't be anywhere without these ponies. Without my family...
I've been in love once, you know.
I know.
We all know.
Then you know why I'm so scared- Scratch that, absolutely terrified to confront Twilight about these emotions and hope for the best. If... If I did love Twilight, what would it mean for her? You both know what teenagers are like, guys; they casually throw the word 'love' around to anyone they feel strongly for, mostly their first crushes. It's not secret I was Twilight's...
So even if she did love me... Was it the mature, rational love, or the affection most teenagers felt and confuse it for genuine love? I was too afraid to even contemplate asking Twilight that.
Your fears are entirely justified and relatable, Jack. You understand the repercussions to falling in love at a younger age. Twilight is only five years under you; having never fallen in that kind of love herself. But you need not despair; if you've noticed by now, the Princess is nothing like those back in your old school a long time ago. Tell me, what of your connection between yourself and her?
I sat up from my laid position on the bed, the pale moonlight barely reaching inside. Closing my eyes, I did as Starswirl suggested and concentrated. Twilight wasn't too far away, but I focused moreso on the bond between us.
It was... Pure. Uncorrupted... Loving...
Loving...
...Why me?
Of all people, why choose me...?
I believe she told you why, a great many times.
Remind me...
Because of who you are, how different you are from the common folk. She adores and feels strongly for you because of unique identity. She accepts you, faults and all, as you do for her.
She's more flawless than I'll ever be...
And yet, you love her despite her own faults.
But does she love me? That's the real question. And if she did... Though nothing would make me more happier, truly... What would that mean for her, and all of Equestria? Would it bring an impact to Balance enough to help with matters, or make things worse?
I don't... I don't want my feelings for her to get her hurt... Or anyone else for that matter. Spike, Fluttershy, Rainbow, Pinkie, Rarity, Applejack... They're what gives me strength... But what do I give them?
What do I give her...?
Ask her yourself.
The door closed behind her, the Princess of Friendship entering the room to see what a sad sack of [BEEP] her special somepony - Or somebody, whichever works - was being, sat on the edge of the bed. Twilight made no noise, vocally, but the sheets shifted slightly beneath my fur, the mare sitting beside her boyfriend without saying a word. I winced, unsure if she could see that in the darkness.
Did I wake her? Were my own conflicting thoughts reaching through the bond and stopping her from sleeping?
The light in her heart, directed towards me, was that of comfort and, I hope to God, love... That it hurts for me to even accept the fact anyone, much less this amazing, talented, Goddess of a person could feel that way for some stupid autistic with the mentality of an eight-year-old on helium.
All it took was one movement from Twilight to get me start babbling.
"You deserve better."
Twilight said nothing, but that didn't stop me from proceeding to lay out every bit of fear clutching my chest.
"You always deserved better. Heck, Sentry would be a good match for you. Bland piece of cardboard he is, at least he'd treat you better like the Princess you are, literally."
Again, Twilight remained quiet, obviously knowing I needed to spill everything out. Wasn't sure if that was a good or bad sign, but something encouraged me to keep talking.
"Hell, even Timber. Arrogant arse kisser he may be, he only endangered others less times than I have..." I snorted derisively. "It's amazing, really, how high I raise my head and try not to be anything like those two, only to end up much worse. Incredible." Still no response. "And why wouldn't I? I've been nothing but a screw up, ever since I first arrived here. I was useless against Nightmare Moon, my battles against the Ursaminor and that adult dragon raising smoke over Ponyville pointless and superfluous. I've been nothing but a great inconvenience for you, Spike and everyone I've come to care for as my new family all this time."
Was I starting to cry? Maybe a little.
Tears were threatening to break from my emotional cyan eyes, the truth breaking out through a cracked voice. "Sombra, and now Zagreus. All me, it's always been me. Give Discord credit, he intends his own Chaos for self-amusement. Mine only brings harm." My voice was raising, getting too much for me to handle. "Chaos! That's I bring! How could you bare to even like me, when I've done nothing but yell and scold and fight and-!"
"- To help and protect everyone you love."
...Ug...
Two purple limbs wrapped around my neck, and that was enough to turn on the waterworks. Pathetic, as Sombra said. When was the last time Twilight herself cried like this and I had to comfort her? Never... I'm an emotional wreck.
"One of these days, I'll have to beat the fact into your stubborn brain." Twilight said quietly into my pony shoulder, pulling me close enough that my tears could fall onto her beautiful mane. "Don't be afraid to cry, Jack... Contrary to popular belief, a real stallion isn't afraid to show his emotions."
"...I'm sorry..." Was all I could mumble out in my emotional absurdity. "I'm sorry..."
"Shh..." Twilight wasn't taking it, removing her head and, this time, pulling the side of my face o her chest, one hoof beginning to stroke my dark brown mane gently. And, for a moment, it felt like our hearts were intertwined, being so close to one another. It stayed like this for a very long time. Hours would've passed, and I probably didn't notice. Sombra and Starswirl neglected to say anything, which I was ll the more thankful for.
Because, right here and now, it was this miracle cuddling my wrecked state that I wanted to hear the most.
"It's my turn now." The Princess began, speaking from above my head with a warm, calm and loving voice. "No matter how many mistakes, errors of judgement, or number of times you intervened where it wasn't welcomed, nothing will make me wish you were never here to begin with." I was too exhausted to counter that point. "You're family now, to everyone we know and love. To me... You're just as important as friendship itself. Probably even more. How and why? I've already explained it to you countless times Jack, and if you honestly believe you're unworthy of me, or friendship, because you hold yourself accountable for Sombra, or Zagreus, also presuming distancing yourself from us will make things better..."
My body stilled in nerve-wrecking anticipation. Here it comes...
"Then tough luck, because you're never leaving our side." What? Twilight pulled back, the moonlight outside illuminating those gorgeous purple eyes staring into my soul, sparkling like the stars themselves. Half of her face revealed with a blissful smile of peace and comfort.
And her heart... It radiated in certainty.
"So please, just this one." A warm hoof reached upwards, guiding away the falling ears, Twilight speaking with such pure affection in her voice it constricted my chest. "Stop being so hard on yourself... For me."
...This amazing mare...
"I can't interfere anymore, Twilight..." I blurted out uncontrollably, my heart taking over my voicebox as Twilight continued to gently caress my face. "Starswirl said... Zagreus will only grow more powerful if I change events, meaning the episodes... So..."
Twilight tilted her head. "That's why you couldn't help out Rainbow Dash. It's no wonder you looked so reluctant at the event and seeing her off." But there was no accusation in her voice, thank God. To be mad at me now, rightfully so, would mentally kill me. "You didn't have to refrain from telling us that, telling me that. I would've understood right away; you said so yourself that everything turns out okay no matter what, right?"
"Yes, but-"
"But you felt guilty for choosing not to intervene anyway." Twilight smiled tiredly, purple eyes drooping in fondness. "Your emotions are an open book to me, Jack; the bond goes both ways now." Wonderful. Twilight's half-visible muzzle curled to faint amusement. "No matter what you think, how you feel, or whatever happens next... We're with you to the very end. Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Spike... And I." A small purple nose pressed against my own, a content comfort spoken with reinforced boldness from Twilight, "I'll always be with you..."
"I didn't think..." Nothing was being held back now. "I'd make it this far. Friends. Family... You. Even after everything I've done, all the troubles I've brought moreso that good things, you still... Want me?"
"The same man who selflessly tried to help Luna under Nightmare Moon's influence?" Twilight sounded both amused and affectionate, tenderly rubbing her nose against mine like you scene those ponies couples do. "The same man who risked his life to keep our friends safe? Who became a big brother to Spike, a confidant to Sunset, a best friend to everyone we know and love? Who fought back the influence of Sombra and fought alongside me against Tirek? Who threw himself in Chrysalis's magic to protect me?" A light peck brushed against the tip of my muzzle, sending a jolt of warmth in my chest. "I think you should know the answer by now, my Warrior..."
"...You... You impossible mare." Without thinking straight, my limbs reached around the wonderful alicorn's waist and embraced her tightly. I won't let go... Not for a very long time. Promises sent from the heart were vocally expressed. "I'll never leave you, ever. I promise you, Twilight - My Princess, my beautiful beautiful Princess - I'll be the best person for you, human or pony. I'll be the best brother for Spike, the greatest friend for Applejack, Pinkie and everyone else. I promise you...!"
Twilight chuckled lightly, snuggling into my furry chest with a content whisper. "You fulfilled that vow a long time ago... Everything will be aright, Jack."
"I know... Because you're here love... You're here..."
Nothing... Nothing could break this moment now...
Except for a loud yawn. And Twilight's giggled increased in volume, the brilliant, wonderful pony pulling back with a small knowing grin. "Tired huh?" Without even awaiting for a response, Twilight gently pushed my chest, using her magic to raise the cover over my now-laid state.
No... No didn't want this to end so soon.
"Wait..." Twilight obliged, looking to me in fond curiosity. "Could you... Stay with me? At least until I fall asleep?" Now it was her turn to be taken by surprise, emphasized by the spike of embarrassment in her heart and and faint pink on her cheeks. Was I flustered for making such a ridiculous request? Maybe.
But... I just... I needed her... That wasn't a bad thing, was it...?
"Sorry... Guess that sounds selfish, doesn't it...?"
"Of course it isn't, you silly little man..." Twilight replied to my internal dilemma adoringly, slowly lying down beside me despite her own feelings about it. I didn't blame her. Without provocation, my own hoof reached out to brush a strand of hair from her face, unable to wipe the smile off my face.
It seems Twilight was also struggling there.
And with hoof brushing another, I found myself, for the first time, in years, able to sleep without it taking hours to do so.
Well... That was some amazing dream I had. Twilight visited my room and gave me the comfort I so desperately needed... A dream where Twilight reassured me that everything will be fine and I'll always be here by their side no matter what... And even stayed by my side so I could sleep in peace-
...Oh...
Blurry eyes focused enough to see the peaceful alicorn clearly, resting beside me. On my bed. In my own bedroom.
...Huh.
Her wings were spread out, mane and tail a bit frazzled, a light snore from the mare's open muzzle. But you know what? I couldn't care less. She was beautiful no matter how she looked. Confirming last night was no award for 'Best Dream Ever,' instead winning the award of 'Best Night Ever.' My hoof moved on its own accord, once more brushing away the streaks of magenta hair covering her angelic face. The action alone incited purple eyes to slowly flutter open, revealing the gorgeous reflective orbs that never lose their sparkle.
"Jack...?" Twilight mumbled tiredly, yawning cutely whilst raising her somewhat... Then remembering what happened quickly and blinked in sincere surprise. "Oh... Last night wasn't a dream."
"Thankfully not..." I replied equally, smiling fondly at the pink blush emerging on her cheeks, Twilight bringing a wing up closer to cover part of her face. But even so, the adorable Princess was finding it difficult not a smile in bliss herself. "Good morning love."
"Good morning... Honey..." The shy meek mare shifted slightly, purple eyes sparkling inquisitively. "How are you feeling...?"
Good question... It felt as if all worries and troubles evaporated thanks to that one event last night. This mare was a miracle worker, the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
And I needed to express that, right here and now.
Twilight's cheeks reddened as I pulled the mare closer, placing my own muzzle above her unkempt mane. The alicorn sighed in contentment beneath, shifting comfortably beneath my chest, whereas I was in bliss myself. "There's your answer..." I mumbled with reserved happiness.
"So it is..." Twilight proceeded to wrap one wing around us, and I never felt much closer to her even now. "Your heartbeat's nice..." She admitted rather shyly. Intimate moments weren't her forte, but I could hardly care either way.
Yes, nothing else can go wrong...
"I love you."
...[BEEP].
Realizing what I just said, Twilight pulled back slightly and regarded my widened eyes with a gaping expression. Her own heart was in immediate flux of emotions, and I immediately berated myself for confessing those heartfelt three words.
[BEEP]! Dammit Jack! How to ruin the moment in just two minutes-!
My train of self-loathing thoughts were thrown into turmoil, replaced by a soothing wave of affection by the purple muzzle pressing against me with renewed vigour. Twilight pulled back from the passionate kiss with brightened cheeks and a blissful sparkle in that starry violet eyes. "I was afraid you were never going to say that..." Followed by another deep kiss, one I returned with eager passion, Twilight rolling on top of me without a care in the world.
Okay, never mind beating myself up and last night. This was the greatest morning of my life!
"Hey Stardust, are you awake yet? I was hoping- Good Lord!" A startled Twilight and myself were interrupted from our intense make-out session by a jaw-dropping Spike, Starlight following immediately afterwards, looking from the stumped Spike to mine and Twilight's... Position, her pink face quickly covering in beet red.
"I told you we should've knocked first!" The unicorn hissed, dragging the stunned dragon and herself out with a sheepish addition of, "Don't mind us! Carry on with... What you're doing!" And slammed the door loudly.
Tch. We were only kissing. Not as if we're about to-
Please don't finish that train of thought!
"I think we just traumatized Spike."
"Worth it." I smirked playfully, looking back up to the person of my dreams. "Now, where were we?" Twilight was also as red as a tomato, but didn't relent from another make out moment I could do with all morning. But before such, a hoof was placed on my muzzle, the embarrassed yet blissful Twilight speaking quietly, nervously yet filled with renewed hope.
"I love you too... My Twilight Warrior..." And our hearts felt even further intertwined, just like our lips. Nothing else mattered for the moment. No Zagreus, no Balance, no friendship problems.
Just me... And the mare I love.
And it's about time too. Sombra snorted. You finally admitted your true feelings for one another, now we can move on to more important stuff.
Heh... Starswirl, training this morning might have to wait a while... Entirely.
It'd be selfish of me to express my pride for you otherwise. The old pony replied in amused, but proud warmth. By all means, take as much time as you need, my pupil.