It's not often that sompony lands a gig that they enjoy immensely and even less often that it involves their specialty and the very reason they got their cutie mark. For Princess Mi Amore Cadenza or simply Cadence which she preferred out of modesty, luck would have it that just the perfect opportunity would fall right into her lap. A local Canterlot Radio station had recently fired a talk show host and cancelled his program thus freeing up some airtime. That's when Cadence found the help wanted ad explaining that not only were they in search of a new host but also taking suggestions for a new concept for a show altogether.
A few weeks ago, Cadence went to the station to answer the ad and present her idea of which the directors ate right up and immediately gave her the job. The idea was simple. Create a talk show where she as a host would answer phone calls, and play a few uplifting songs in between. It wasn't conflicting with her usual schedule either as it was only late at night every Thursday through Saturday from eleven pm to midnight. To her it was the best of both worlds, she could give helpful advice about love and relationships, help troubled couples and spread love across the lands all the while performing her usual duties throughout the day. She felt as if she was not only having her cake but being allowed to eat it as well.
This was her second week in the studio and being a Friday was her fifth actual night hosting her show which was gaining popularity incredibly quickly and even had some regular callers that Cadence had come to expect. It was only the start of her fifth night on the air but she felt confident that she had a system down and it seemed to work quite well. With the earlier show coming to an end for the night, the host passed the baton onto the love Princess and after a moment of preparation, she was ready to go. Her headphones were on, her microphone adjusted, and with the flip of a switch, a bright red sign that read "On Air" lit up signaling that it was time.
"Happy Friday night, everypony!" Cadence greeted her listeners. "You're listening to lovin' life on ninety-four point one fm! It looks like my dear Aunt Luna has brought us yet another gorgeous evening so if you're out and about, be sure to call her up if you've had anything to drink and she'll make sure you end up at home rather than a hospital or a jail cell! Hee hee hee, anyway, I know a lot of you are anxious to call and throw in your two bits. The phone lines are blinking like Canterlot on Hearts Warming eve so let's not waste any time! Hello and good evening, my dear friend, you're on the air, so what's on your mind?"
"Hey, I got through! Awesome!" A delighted mare beamed over the airwaves. "Hey, I love your show, it's really helped me get through a nasty break up!"
"Glad to hear that! Er, glad to hear I could be helpful I mean, not that you had to go through that. So, what's your name? Care to tell us about it?"
"Yeah, my name's Samanetha and...well, it was tough at first but I was really moved by what you said about having respect for myself and ending toxic relationships and I feel like a new mare!"
"Wonderful! Go on."
"The last straw was when he hit me. That's when I decided that I deserved better so I kicked him to the curb! He's lucky I got to it before my dad did!"
"As much as I detest seeing relationships end, abuse of any kind is unacceptable and it needs to be broken off. Good on you!"
"Thanks! I'm actually having tea with my dad right now and just talking about my ex is...well, let's just say I could use the heat billowing from the top of his head to heat the pot! Hey, thanks again, Cadence, you have a good night!"
"And you as well, Samanetha! Thanks for calling!"
Click!
With that, Cadence let her first caller of the night go and since she had time for one or two more before playing the first song of the night, she decided to do just that and press the next blinking button on the line.
"Hi, you're on the air!" Cadence beamed. "What's on your mind tonight?"
"Uh, hey, yeah I've got a question." A stallion on the other line said.
"And I'll bet I have an answer for you!"
"Cool. So I'm at this bar right now, kay? Like, I've had a couple drinks but I'm still sharp, like totally fine. So this really hot bartender smiles at me every time she gets me a drink! I think she's totally digging me!"
Cadence didn't like the sound of the situation one bit and strongly disagreed with the dumb stallion's theory. Callers without a clue on how things work were nothing new to her and like any other before this, she wouldn't hold back putting them in their place with brutal honesty.
"I think she smiles at you because she's simply doing her job, friend." Cadence firmly clarified. "You say you think she likes you as more than a customer, I say nothing could be further from the truth. Really think about it, she wants her patrons to feel welcome and what better way to do that than with a smile? Get my point?"
"I'm gonna go smack her on the ass!" The stallion blurted out, completely ignoring the sound advice he was given.
"Please don't do that, you'll just make a fool out of yourself."
"How do you figure?"
"Well, did she explicitly give you permission to do that?"
"Huh?"
"Did she look you square in the eye and say 'hey, go ahead and slap me on the butt'?"
"No."
"Then don't."
"But she's sooo hot! That, and I've got a thing for big girls. Damn!"
"You know what? Go right ahead. See what happens."
Click!
After ending the brick wall conversation with the idiotic pony about to get himself into trouble, Cadence paused for a moment to practice her breather exercises while she rubbed her temples. When she first started the show, she knew that she would occasionally have to deal with an idiot every now and then but frustratingly enough, it ended up being more frequent than she would have liked. Though there was a great deal of junk, there was a fair share of gems along with it in the forms of callers who not only knew what love even is but held it on a high regard just as Cadence did. Before playing a song, the hostess, decided to take one more caller.
"We get the crazies calling once in a while!" Cadence said cheerfully as she shrugged it off and switched to the next line. "I'll take one more before I play the first record for tonight! Hi, you're on the air!"
"Hi, Cadence, it's me." Said a familiar voice on the line that made Cadence's eye light up.
"Finzy!" Cadence beamed as she thoroughly enjoyed talking to this stallion whenever he called. "Oh, I'm so glad to hear from a level headed pony who appreciates love as much as I do!"
"Thanks, Cadence. I uh...well, I just figured I'd give you an update."
"Oh no, you don't sound very happy. Is everything okay between you and...her?"
"Oh, yeah we're fine, it's just...she finally told me what I needed to hear."
"I'm so sorry, Cad-er...Finzy. I know you really had strong feelings for her. Are you gonna be okay? I hope you two aren't upset with each other."
There was a pause at the end of the other line for a moment and after a sigh from the depressed sounding stallion who preferred to be called by his nickname over the radio, he cleared his throat and started speaking again.
"As much as it hurt to hear that she doesn't feel mutually, we're doing fine. So, she and I had a nice talk and got a lot of things off our chests...she and I agreed to remain friends and I couldn't be happier with how things turned out."
"That's great news, Finzy!" Cadence beamed. "I know things like this can be tough when you have feelings for somepony that aren't mutual but you have a good friend in her. Don't get discouraged, you're a great guy and you will find somepony who sees that, you understand me?"
"Th-thanks Cadence, I just *sniff* I really thought we had something going here and I got so attached, you know? I...you're right. I'm not even thirty yet, I'll meet a girl who I can go out of my way to make happy! Good things come to those who wait, right? Someday I WILL find somepony I can spoil and call my own!"
"That's the spirit!"
"See, to have somepony who I can just spend my time making her smile...that alone would make me happier than words can even describe!"
"That...that's just *sniff* that's beautiful. You know what, I want you to pick the first song of the night, okay? Any song you want!"
"Aww, thanks! Can you play Starship's 'Nothing's Gonna Stop us'?"
"Done! You have a great night!"
With the press of a button and the flip of a switch, Cadence was off the air for the time being where she would take a quick break to play a song over the airwaves. She rather enjoyed talking with ponies who had a good understanding of what love was truly about and it was a breath of fresh air to converse with them after dealing with those who hadn't a clue. As the song neared its end and Cadence prepared to get back on the air, she made a mental note to invite her favorite caller to spend time with her and Shining Armor next time he called as she wished to cheer the former up.
"Welcome back, everypony!" Cadence beamed. "I, the Princess of love am ready to answer any questions you might have, just a reminder, please keep it clean as we're on live! Hi, you're on the air!"
"You bitch, she totally hated it!" An irate and familiar sounding stallion shouted.
"What did I just say!?"
"You said I should slap that mare at the bar on the ass!"
"I gave up trying to convince you otherwise. So lemme guess..."
"She picked me right up and tossed me out the door!"
"Heheheh, yeah that sounds like Auntie Tia, alright!"
"I am so gonna sue you!"
"Good luck with that!"
Click!
"Another lesson learned!" Cadence beamed as she again tried to make the best out of a frustrating moment. "Tonight's big tip when it comes to showing somepony that you're interested, smacking them on the butt is not the right way to go about it."
Cadence paused for a moment to glance over at the phone lines to see not a single one was blinking. This was the perfect time to resume the explanation of a point she wished to get across to those listening and since she had an impressive number of ponies with their ears glued to their radios, she took advantage of the opportunity.
"See, we're all adults here." Cadence continued. "I for one love getting a nice firm love tap once in a while...provided that it's my husband on the giving end. Now, if you're out and you just up and smack somepony's rump, well, if both parties aren't having fun, than nopony is. Expressions like that...well, any expressions of interest that involve any kind of physical contact should be mutually enjoyed. Look, bottom line, know somepony before you do something like that! For good measure, make sure you're already in a relationship with them and if you've both already been sexually active with each other...well, let's just say if you've done other things, a slap on the tush is pretty tame in comparison. Now that I've gotten that across, I'm gonna take the next caller! Hi, you're on the air, what's on your mind?"
"Oh man, that last caller you had was such a loser!" A stallion chuckled.
"Despite that I'm supposed to be unbiased and impartial, I agree!" Cadence replied.
"Yeah, I mean what kind of moron whines and bitches about how they wanna get pussy whipped like that?"
"Wait, what? Which caller are you talking about?"
"That idiot who got friendzoned! Hahahaha, he'll never get any action!"
"That so-called loser...is my friend."
"Whoa, calm down over there! Jeez, I can hear your teeth cracking apa-"
"He is a gentlecolt and you will not speak of him that way!! There are mares out there who would give up so much to be with somepony who treats them the way he does and he is destined to find true happiness!! Guys like him will live love-filled lives while guys like you...get...nothing...but cheap hookups!! Good day!!"
Click!
It was then and there that Cadence knew that she had lost her composure rather badly and though it felt good to put somepony in their rightful place, she needed to avoid losing her mind like that again. A lot depended on keeping her cool and if she wanted the show to continue, she needed to remain calm. Though it may prove difficult with such mindless gonzos calling the show, she absolutely had to avoid shouting like that. While she sipped on a little cup of cold water she levitated over to herself from an office cooler in the studio, she prepared the next song so as to buy herself the time to calm herself.
"Sorry about that, everypony." Cadence said. "For now, let's just take a break and relax to Climie Fisher! Love Changes Everything!"
The beautiful musical masterpiece played on nearly every radio throughout Canterlot and beyond, even the Crystal Empire. Cadence was now completely calm after practicing her relaxing breathing exercises but sadly, that would be rather short lived due to the strange, almost creepy heavy breathing coming from the latest caller.
"Um, you're...on the air?" Cadence said with a shudder.
"C-Cadence...ooohhh my god, I love it when you're like that..." A creepy stallion said, his voice low and sultry. "W-when you get all bossy and put ponies in their place like that...gahh, I just want you to throw yourself at me and beat me like a-""
"Not now, Shining Armor!!"
Click!
After hanging up on her goofball of a husband, Cadence quickly regained her ever dwindling composure and went straight to the next caller. At this point, she had very little patience left and she even bagan snickering out of borderline madness.
"Oookay, how about the next caller?" Cadence chuckled as she answered the next line.
"Screw you, I like cheap hook ups!" A stallion from before yelled.
Click!
"Okay, if there are any sane ponies out there tonight, for the love of all that is the very concept of love, please call this show! Okay, next caller, are you sane? Heheheheheh, are you a sane pony?"
"I uhh...I hope so." A depressed sounding stallion said, bringing a sigh of relief to the love Princess.
"Finzy! Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you called again! It has been an absolute nightmare tonight and you have no idea how great it is to hear from somepony who holds love to as high a regard as you do!"
"I heard what that other guy said about me. Thanks for standing up for me like that. I've just been...I've been in a real funk lately ever since she set things straight. I mean she's really been great about it though, she didn't just...rip my heart out and leave me to bleed I guess. She's always been willing to talk about it and she's been supportive of my emotions and stuff."
"That's very nice of her, Finzy! See, she's a good friend! She may not have the feelings towards you that you had for her but it sounds like you both are on great terms! Now, don't ever let anypony make you think you're less of a pony because you're kind to others! Ponies like that are the ones who never find true love and it's ponies like you who find that special somepony who will come into your life and completely change your world by becoming your world!"
"Amen to that, sister! I'm gonna make a lucky lady very happy someday! I pity the next douchebag who thinks screwing around is the way to go!"
"That confidence! Keep it up! Oh, I almost forgot!"
"What's that?"
"Well, I wanted to ask you if you would like to spend some time with me and Shining Armor sometime. We're going to a convention in Baltimare and we'd both like you to join us! You could use a vacation and some time with friends! What do you say?"
After Cadence asked her question, there was a long pause on the other line. While the Princess waited for a response, it sounded as if there was a commotion of sorts taking place in the background. It seemed as if Finzy was mentally juggling both the sounds of ponies angrily shouting and an answer to Cadence's question. Finally, he gathered himself enough to make a single rational thought.
"Ah, sorry, I'm at work right now." Finzy said as he snapped out of a daze. "A bunch of customers are giving my new employee a hard time...Uh, so...I dunno, Cadence, I gotta put in my seventy-five hours a week here. Ponies started demanding that I keep my store open twenty-four/seven so that leaves me here all day and night."
"Finzy, that's not healthy!" Cadence said, clear worry evident in her tone. "Please take a break and hang out with me and my husband! You should make time to spend with friends!"
"Well...uh, when's this convention?"
"In August."
"Gimme a sec."
After a light click that Cadence assumed to be Finzy setting his phone down, she listened carefully as the tapping of his hooves could be heard heading to another room in the building. The creaking sound of a door being pushed open was followed by the angry shouts of what must have been Finzy's customers quickly growing louder. Being the owner and manager of the business, Cadence could hear his voice as he tried his best to quell an argument until his own patience reached a point similar to her own. After a few more taps of his hooves coming closer to the phone, he finally picked up again.
"Cadence?" Finzy said calmly.
"Yes?" Cadence replied with great anticipation.
"Consider my schedule cleared. Now if you'll excuse me...I've gotta go take out the trash."
"I'm so glad you decided to take a break, Finzy! Shining and I will look forward to seeing you!"
Click!
"Okay, looks like we have time for one more caller before I play the next song!" Cadence beamed, feeling much better than before. "I'll let you request the next one! Hi, you're on the air!"
"How do I get her to leave?" A stallion asked over the airwaves.
"Beg your pardon?"
"I just got done smashing this bitch but she's still here at my place."
"Here we go again..."
"It's not like I like her or anything, how do I get her to leave?"
"I refuse to answer that! How is it that so many ponies are so clueless!? I'm the Princess of Love, not cheap one-night stands!"
"What's the difference?"
Meanwhile, at an apartment in Canterlot...
"Hello?" A douchebag of a stallion said as he held a phone to his ear. "Are you there? I need to know how to-gack!"
Without any warning whatsoever, a pair of pink hooves shot out of the phone and tightly wrapped around the stallion's throat. Cadence used her alicorn magic to literally reach into the phone she used in the studio to punish this pony for his blasphemy and taking the name of love in vain. Cadence had put up with a great deal of ponies spitting on the very concept of love and this one had pushed her past the breaking point.
Meanwhile, at the Crystal Palace...
A white coated unicorn stallion with a brilliant blue mane listened to his radio intently at the commotion going on over the airwaves, his eyes resembling saucers. The gasping and wheezing of the stallion along with the angry growls of the mare choking him were pushing Shining Armor to a point of his own. He continued to listen as sweat poured down his face until he could finally hear some sort of coherent dialog.
"Yeah, how do you like that, you prick!?" Cadence shouted as she strangled the stallion.
"Aaack! Guh, har-gack-der!" The stallion gasped.
"What!?"
"Gack! I said...harder!"
"Big mistake!!"
At this point, Shining Armor could no longer sit idly by and allow the struggle to go on. As fast as his legs could carry him in the state he was in, he took the portable radio in his aura and galloped straight to the restroom, grabbing hold of a bottle of lotion and box of tissues along the way. With the door slammed shut and locked tight, he would continue listening to the program in private.
Ten minutes later...
"You wanted to see me, director?" Cadence asked as she trotted into an office at the radio station, knowing fully what to expect.
"Yeah um...promise me you won't be mad." The mare at the desk said, trying to put it as delicately as possible.
"I'm fired aren't I?"
"Yeahhh...sorry."
"I guess I saw that coming."
"I uh...I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that's not all."
"What the...for Celestia's sake, what else could go wrong!?"
"This lawyer stopped by. Apparently you're being sued."
"There exists scum that would take a case like that!?"
"Lawyer? Scum? What's the difference?"
"Touche."