//------------------------------// // It Continues with Business // Story: Filly Games // by Waxworks //------------------------------// The day passed quickly for Twilight, but slowly for Smarty Pants. Smarty Pants wanted nothing more than to abandon this foal’s class to go investigate the police station and see if detective Clever Plot worked there. Unfortunately no opportunities to leave presented themselves during the day, and she was forced to wait, staring at a book about magical theorycrafting the entire time. When the day finally came to an end, Smarty Pants was relieved to finally be pulled away from the book and carried out the door. Twilight was a no-nonsense filly, and she stepped out of the school and waited patiently for her brother to arrive and walk her home. They chatted about what they learned, with Twilight asking her brother about magic at the higher levels of education. Smarty Pants didn’t know what they were talking about, but it sounded like nerd talk. She was trapped with a family of nerds. They walked back to their house and went inside. Twilight put Smarty Pants down on the couch and placed a book in front of her titled: ‘Starswirl’s Dissertation on Spells and Incantations’. She left her there while she went upstairs to prepare for dinner. Smarty Pants chanced a look around, but nopony appeared to be nearby. Shining Armor and Twilight had gone upstairs, leaving her alone with just the book. Their father, Night Light, was it? Hadn’t arrived home yet, and neither had Twilight Velvet. Smarty Pants hopped to the floor and ran over to the window. She clambered up onto the window sill and looked out onto the street. The family she was living with had a home in the expensive portion of town. The kind of place she would avoid unless she was committing burglary. Murders were too dangerous to attempt here, as there were almost always guards nearby. Mugging was possible, but dangerous. Burglary didn’t involve assaulting another pony, so that was best for this area. If she remembered where they had walked, the police station was close by. She could run down there and be back before they got home from their dinner out if she was quick and clever. The early winter night should provide some cover. She just needed to scope the place out, find out where Clever Plot’s office was. Nopony would suspect a toy! Smarty Pants heard hoofsteps descending the staircase and rushed back to the couch. The hoofsteps stopped and Shining Armor’s voice called out. “Hello? Mom? Dad?” He came over to the couch and looked around, but the only thing there was Smarty Pants sprawled on top of the book Twilight had given her. He checked the front door, but it was shut. He shrugged, and went into the kitchen. Immediately after him, Twilight came down the stairs dressed in a simple little dress. She came over to the couch and laughed at Smarty Pants spread out over the pages of the book. She picked her up and jumped up onto the couch and held the book in front of her. She turned Smarty Pants’ face to the book and scolded her. “Smarty Pants, you can’t read a book like that. You need to have your face at least a hooves length away or you can’t see the words. Let me read it to you.” Twilight then began droning on about Starswirl’s opinions on the current state of magic spells and how they were becoming too gaudy and flashy compared to their functionality. Smarty Pants screamed internally. Soon, Night light and Twilight Velvet arrived home together. They brought with them several packages and bags which they placed on the kitchen table. Night Light yelled for the kids while Twilight Velvet began putting groceries away. “Kids! I hope you’re dressed, it’s time to go!” Smarty Pants was ecstatic. She crowed to herself as she was placed on the couch with that infernal book next to her. Twilight got up and went to the front door, leaving her behing. As soon as they left, Smarty Pants was going to sneak out the window and down to the station. “Twilight, don’t you want to bring your new friend?” “Oh, yeah!” Smarty pants cursed as she was lifted off her spot on the couch. Now she would have to wait even longer to investigate the police station! She couldn’t blow her cover, though. Everypony thought she was dead. She needed to play her cards right until she had an opportunity to kill Clever Plot, then figure out a way to get back into an actual body. The spell wasn’t supposed to work on inanimate objects, but here she was. She just wished she had a horn. She was shaken and hugged, then placed on Twilight’s back as the family left for dinner. She got a good view of the street with the police station on it as the family wandered over to one of the fancier restaurants. They entered, got their seats, and eventually ordered their food and enjoyed eating. Smarty Pants could smell the food, and she felt hungry, but she had no real mouth to speak of. It was curious, and she wondered if she would eventually starve. A lot of problems were rearing their head that she hadn’t considered. Of course, she had intended to end up in the mare, Twilight Velvet, so this was unexpected, but it was still worth considering. Her thoughts were interrupted when a familiar voice rang out over the hum of conversation, halting the quiet dinner of the family. “Miss Velvet? That is you, yeah?” Smarty Pants looked over at the speaker and if she had had blood, it would have boiled with rage. It was Clever Plot, still a normal unicorn pony, with all his unicorn parts and his fucking horn and everything! Smarty pants seethed. Smarty Pants looked around. She had been placed on the edge of the table next to Twilight. One leg was dangling off the edge of the table, and she was next to one of the knives. It was a butterknife, but it would do. She inched surreptitiously toward the edge of the table, scooting millimeter by millimeter off the table. As she went, she grabbed onto the knife next to her. She waited until Twilight looked the other way, and slipped off the edge of the table. When she fell, she made sure the knife landed on her soft body and didn’t clatter too much. Once she landed, she held her nonexistent breath and waited. Twilight didn’t seem to have noticed just yet, nor did anypony else at the table or nearby. She stood up, grabbed the knife in her fabric hooves and crawled under the tablecloth. She could see each pony’s hooves. Twilight Velvet and Night Light reached the floor, and were playing hoovesies, much to her disgust. Shining Armor’s hooves were sitting still, while Twilight was kicking her legs back and forth. Across the floor, Smarty Pants could see Clever Plot’s hooves, taunting her. “Smarty Pants? Where did you go?” Twilight’s hooves hit the floor and padded around, searching for her new toy. Smarty Pants didn’t have time to waste! She galloped under the table, through the tangled hooves of Night Light and Twilight Velvet, and stabbed the blunt butterknife into Clever Plot’s shin with all her might just as she heard Twilight lift the tablecloth behind her. As soon as the knife was in, she jumped backward and flopped to the floor, limp and unmoving. “I just want to be sure you’re feeling okay after—gaaaaaaaah! Sweet Celestia’s fiery nnnffff!” Clever Plot hopped in pain. He stifled his voice after seeing Shining Armor look up at him. He looked down at his hoof and saw the bloodied butterknife laying on the ground beneath him. Twilight’s head poked out from under the tablecloth immediately afterward, holding Smarty Pants. She saw the knife and the blood and jumped, banging her head on the table. “Ahhhh! Blood!” Twilight jumped out from under the table and into her mother’s hooves. She rubbed her head and began crying. Twilight Velvet picked her up and looked at Clever Plot. “What in Equestria happened?” Clever Plot frowned down at the filly in Twilight Velvet’s grip. “I think your daughter just stabbed me with a knife.” “What? Twilight would never do that!” Clever Plot held up his hoof, showing off the blood leaking out of the shallow wound. He then pointed to the butterknife on the floor, with a small amount of his blood still on the blade. “Your daughter just happened to be under the table when somepony stabbed me with a butterknife.” Twilight Velvet had no response to that. She looked down at the filly in her hooves with a frown. “Twilight, did you hurt Mr. Plot with a knife?” Twilight shook her head. “No, it must have been Smarty Pants! She jumped off the table and I found her underneath it!” Night Light sighed. “Sweetie, Smarty Pants is a toy. She can’t move. You know you can’t perform those things you see in the medical journals on living ponies.” “I didn’t try to perform anything! Smarty Pants jumped off the table!” Twilight started crying again at being blamed. She shoved her face into her mother’s chest, hugging Smarty Pants close. Clever Plot rubbed his good hoof over his face. “It’s fine. It’s really shallow, and foals will be foals. They see and they copy.” He looked at Night Light. “Does she really read medical journals?” Night Light beamed with pride and thumped his chest with a hoof. “Hay’s Anatomy. 4th Equestrian edition. Top of her class.” “That’s crazy. I can forgive her for trying to test some of the stuff she sees in there. I’m just glad you’re doing alright, Mrs. Velvet. You and your family have a good day, and do stay in touch if you feel anything untoward, but I should really go bandage my hoof.” “I will. Thank you again, detective.” Twilight Velvet smiled as the detective walked away rubbing his injured hoof. She kept the smile on her face until they had finished their meal and paid the bill. When they left, she turned to Twilight and frowned. “Twilight! Why did you attack the detective with that knife?” Twilight shrank back from the sudden accusation, hugging Smarty Pants tight. “But I didn’t! Smarty Pants did! She thinks he’s a bad pony.” “Twilight, why do you think he’s a bad pony? He helped rescue me last night from a truly bad pony!” “I don’t think he’s a bad pony!” “Okay—” Twilight Velvet rubbed a hoof across her face. “—why does Smarty Pants think he is a bad pony, then?” “Because… she said that, like in books, the detective you suspect of being the good guy is actually the bad guy behind the whole thing! She was trying to pre-emptively stop him!” Twilight Velvet turned sharply to look at her husband. “I told you she shouldn’t be allowed to read those trashy crime novels you love so much!” “Trashy? Hey, come on. She likes to read. I’m not going to stop her from enjoying her books so much.” “Ugh. We’ll talk about this more tomorrow, okay, Twilight? But you need to remember that books can be fiction.” “Yeah! Fiction and non-fiction!” Twilight said with a smile. “Exactly. I will explain more tomorrow, but remember that just because some detectives are bad in books, not all detectives are bad.” “Like Fetlock Holmes?” “Yes. Like Fetlock Holmes. He’s a good detective.” “So, how do you know which detectives are good and which are bad in real life? In the books you get shown clues and hints that would give it away. Are there those in real life, too?” “No, Twilight. You have to get to know them and understand them as a pony. You can’t just jump to conclusions.” Twilight considered this as they walked back home. It kept her occupied and silent, which was good enough for Twilight Velvet. She would probably ask for a book on the subject soon, and Twilight Velvet would have to try to provide one. She’d ask at the library about it tomorrow. There was probably a book on the subject, comparing real life to that of fiction, and how the ponies in books were just stereotypes more often than not. Twilight would eat that book up, now that she’d been proven wrong about something she’d read in her books. She needed it. If she was mixing up real life and fiction, maybe Shining Armor was right. Twilight needed some friends. She would have to talk to Twilight’s teacher about that. The family filed back into the house, and each of them retired to their respective rooms. Twilight Velvet began drawing a bath, Shining Armor went to his room to exercise, Night Light began pulling out bedclothes and slipped into the bathroom ahead of his wife, leaving Twilight Sparkle alone in her room to study. Smarty Pants scoffed at the quick smooch Twilight’s parents shared as Night Light went into the bathroom to wait for his wife, and smirked at Twilight when she shut the door to her room. “I want to see the police station up close, Twilight. The bad detective works there. We can stop him before he steals anything if you can get me closer to it.” Twilight frowned at Smarty Pants. “Mommy says all detectives aren’t bad. She’s right. Fetlock Holmes doesn’t try to blame anypony until he has enough clues to work with. He could be like Fetlock Holmes.” “Nah, little filly. We’re the protagonist here, see? We’re the good detectives. How can he be the good detective if that’s us?” Twilight pondered this for a moment. She didn’t have an immediate response, so Smarty Pants pressed her advantage. “So, we need to go and find the clues, right? We’re the good guys, but we need to prove he’s the bad guy. We know he is, we just need the proof. We gotta go investigate where he works, right? Get summa that… evidence.” “Hmmm… I guess you might be right. Why are we the protagonist, though? Shouldn’t that be my mommy or daddy?” “Look at us. A filly and her doll? Together fighting crime? We’re a walking joke. Perfect for any of those shi-uh… trashy… detective novels.” “That’s true! Twilight and Smarty Pants! Solving crime with books! Let me get two notebooks and quills!” “Uh… what?” “We have to take notes for what we see! It’s important to always make a list.” Twilight held up a large notepad and a quill for herself, and gave Smarty Pants a smaller quill and a folded piece of parchment. Smarty Pants rolled her button eyes but took the parchment and quill. She shoved them under her armpit and waited while Twilight rummaged through her closet for a suitable hat. She came out with a simple cap that looked stolen from her brother, with the royal Canterlot guard’s insignia on it. “This’ll do, I guess. Ready to go?” “Been ready, doll.” “Doll?” “It’s a figure of speech or something. Just pick me up and let’s go. I can’t be seen by adults.” “Okay! Shhhh!” Twilight picked up Smarty Pants and opened the door to her room. She peered conspicuously out of her room and down the hall. The bathroom door was shut and quiet laughter could be heard. Steam issued from under the crack. Smarty Pants rolled her button eyes again. Shining Armor’s door was shut, leaving Twilight and Smarty Pants alone to creep down the stairs and to the front door. Twilight looked around the house one last time, giving a cursory glance up the staircase she had just descended to make sure nopony had seen her sneak down. When she was satisfied her adventure was going well, she opened the door as quietly as she could, slipped outside, and shut it just as silently, using her magic to muffle it. Outside, the snow was muffling a lot of the city’s noise, creating a blanket of silence over the darkening town. Fat flakes spiraled out of the clouds the pegasi had put in place, and landed all around her. Twilight smiled up at one as it fluttered down to land on her nose. She licked it off and looked around the streets. “That way!” Smarty Pants pointed. The night was quickly approaching, and there weren’t many ponies on the streets, leaving Smarty Pants free to move and speak. “I know. I’ve lived here longer than you have, Smarty Pants.” “Well then quit staring at snowflakes and get moving! Your parents will notice you’re gone if you don’t hurry!” Twilight squeaked and trotted down the road toward the police station. It was on the road to school and she passed by it every day, so it was easy to find. Once there, however, she wasn’t sure what they were supposed to do. “How do we find the detective and get evidence? We can’t just walk in there.” “Of course we can.” A police mare walked out of the building and stood next to the entrance. She hugged her bundled clothing tight to herself and pulled out a cigarette. She began smoking, unaware of the filly hiding in a doorway nearby. “No, we can’t! She’ll see us!” “So what? You’re a filly. What are they going to do, arrest you?” Twilight hunkered down in the snow, looking at Smarty Pants. “Maybe?” “Celestia’s ass. That’s not how it works. They can’t arrest you /because/ you’re a filly. You’re too young. Worst case they’ll send you home. Now get me inside that building! I’ll handle the rest!” Twilight bit her lip and shuffled nervously. She knew that. She knew she wouldn’t get arrested. But if she went in, they would ask her all sorts of questions that she didn’t have the answer to. It would be awkward, and then they would certainly find out who she is, and they would contact her parents, and it would just be so much talking and answering. With that policemare out here, she wouldn’t even be able to get in the building without having to talk to somepony. Twilight shook her head. “I can’t just walk in the front door. There has to be another way to get inside and find that evidence.” Smarty Pants couldn’t close her button eyes in frustration, but a soft hoof struck her face and she grimaced. “Come on, Twilight. It’s literally around the corner.” Twilight crouched down further and shook her head again, tossing her mane back and forth. “They’d ask me too many questions. I don’t want to answer.” “Just…” Smarty Pants sighed “…okay. Find me a window or a vent or something. I’m tiny. I can fit in there.” Twilight nodded and scurried back around the police station. The alley leading behind it was small, but when she turned around the back, there was the entire corral of police wagons and other carts. There were no ponies back here, and Twilight felt safe enough to wander around in the open. “There!” Smarty Pants pointed to a grate near the ground. It was just inside the fenced-off portion of the wagon corral, and looked to lead to an underground portion of the police station. “You think you can fit in there?” “Pretty sure I can, now toss me over and I’ll go inside and find out evil detective.” “Okay, but you’ll come back, right?” “Of course I will. We’re best friends!” Twilight smiled, kissed Smarty Pants on the nose, and threw her new toy over the fence. Smarty Pants landed in the snow and wasted no time in picking herself up and disappearing across the corral to the grate. She squeezed her head through the grate, her squishy body deforming enough to allow her entrance, and disappeared inside the police station. Twilight waited in the snow outside, hiding in a corner.