“So, do you think we went a bit overboard?” whispered O’Neill.
“It’ll be close,” whispered Pinkie Pie from Jack’s left. “I’m pretty sure the prank density is below the saturation point, so the rate of pranking should be just below the point-two-five pranks per minute maximum. If we did go over, it could all just get trite.” Jack stared at the source of Pinkie Pie’s voice in confusion. Even though all the lights were out and the shutters were closed so that no light could enter, he felt the need to give her a look of pure befuddlement.
A second later, Pinkie burst into muted laughter and whispered, “The look on your face is priceless!”
“But you can’t even see it.”
“So? It’s still priceless.” As Jack was about to make an indignant response, Pinkie put a hoof to his lips and said, “Shhhh, she’s coming, so get ready everypony!” just loud enough that all gathered could hear.
From outside the library a conversation could be heard:
“I am so sorry. How did we get here so fast?” said one voice. “This is where I’m staying in Ponyville, and my poor baby dragon needs his sleep.”
A young male voice countered, “No I don’t!” A half-second later, what Jack assumed to be the baby dragon yelped before something that was probably also the baby dragon hit the ground with a soft thud.
Inside the library Jack whispered, “A baby what, now?”
“Shhh!” shushed Pinkie Pie.
“Awww, wook at that. He’s so sweepy he can’t even keep his wittle bawance,” said the first voice from outside.
A third voice said something so softly that it was inaudible until the yellow coated, pink maned and tailed pegasus flew into the library saying, “--get him to bed.”
“Oh no!” whispered Pinkie Pie from her hiding place. “We can’t pull the surprise while Fluttershy is here, she’s much too timid for it.”
Luckily for the party as a whole, the owner of the first voice, a purple unicorn, zipped in after Fluttershy and hastily pushed her out of the library. “Yes yes,” said the unicorn, “we’ll get right on that. Well, goodnight!” With the last farewell, she slammed the door closed on the pegasus.
“Huh,” said the baby dragon, “rude much?”
“Sorry Spike,” said the unicorn, “but I have to convince the Princess that Nightmare Moon is coming, and we’re running out of time. I just need to be alone so I can study without a bunch of crazy ponies trying to make friends all the time. Now, where’s the light?”
As providence rarely gives a more perfect lead-in to a surprise party, Pinkie Pie threw the lights on. Properly reacting to the very subtle signal, all the gathered ponies shouted in unison, “SURPRISE!!!”
As a noisemaker went off, its ribboned end unraveling across the purple unicorn’s eyes, the mare sighed in what Jack judged to be a mixture of annoyance and resignation.
Pinkie Pie, who had chosen to throw on the lights and therefore not be in the middle of the surprise, ran up to the unicorn to shout an extra “Surprise!” at her for good measure. Jack, for his part, chose to stick to the outskirts of the party for the moment. He and the pink one had decided that throwing a real live alien at the guest of honor would be a nice secondary surprise to really get her in the partying mood. That, or really annoy her, Jack was good either way.
For that reason, Jack sat on the staircase and chatted with one or two of the ponies at a time. With the fun of a party going on, as well as a number of his and Pinkie’s pranks starting to go off, the ponies were too distracted to form into the mob-like group that had arrested SG-1’s progress towards Town Hall earlier in the day. Jack looked up from his conversation with a dentist pony who was somehow named Colgate, like the toothpaste brand.
“--and that’s why you should brush for exactly one minute after every meal,” said Colgate, finishing a story that had started when she’d seen O’Neill eating a cupcake with about as much frosting as cake.
“... Interesting,” said O’Neill, “but if you’ll excuse me, I think this may be my cue.” He nodded his head towards the table where Pinkie was distracting the purple unicorn, Twilight Sparkle, to the point that she’d grabbed the hot sauce instead of the drinks surrounding it.
“-- and now you have lots and lots of friends!” said Pinkie, ending her impressively long winded explanation of the party’s purpose. Twilight Sparkle’s eyes flew open at Pinkie’s words. At first, O’Neill thought she was just that against the idea of friends, but then he saw her face turn bright red and sweat begin to pour down her cheeks. Jack noticed that Rainbow Dash was part of the group of ‘friends,’ as well as Pinkie herself. As Twilight turned to the group of ponies Pinkie had gathered, she began to tear up.
“Are you allright, sugarcube?” asked one of Twilights friends, an orange mare with a southern accent. Also in the group was Fluttershy, who Jack remembered as not being part of the party. Finally, there was a white unicorn with a completely over-the-top purple mane and tail.
The five ponies looked on with concern as Twilight began to twitch. Suddenly, she leapt into the air, her mane and tail turning into flames as steam shot out her ears. She hung in the air for a moment, desperately trying to gallop away but finding no purchase in the air. Then, with a flash, she was off and running.
Luckily, she was running straight for the stairs, and therefore she was running straight for O’Neill. He grabbed his canteen and unscrewed the cap as he said, “Water?” A funny tingling sensation washed over his fingers as Twilight’s magic gripped the canteen. She guzzled down the water, emptying the canteen in a matter of seconds. Twilight floated the canteen back to O’Neill as she started to blink the tears out of her eyes.
“Thank y-- Gwaaahhh!” shouted Twilight, only just seeing O’Neill for the first time. “What are you?” she asked.
“A human,” said Jack as if it was completely obvious. It was for him, of course, but the flippant response only confused Twilight more.
“Where did you come from?” Twilight cried hysterically. “No, wait. I don’t have time for this. I have to do more research on the Elements of Harmony if I’m going to have any chance of stopping Nightmare Moon tomorrow.”
The worry in Twilight’s voice made O’Neill take notice. Even if it was just stress from the surprise party and meeting him, he didn’t actually want to make the pony worry. Besides, Cheerilee had said something about a ‘Nightmare Moon’ too, and in his line of work, ancient gods and legends had a habit of trying to kill him.
“Nightmare who?” asked Jack. He wanted to hear what had the mare so worried that she’d skip a party like this for studying. On the other hand, she could just be a stick in the mud like Carter and Daniel who were still locked away in the side room.
“Uggh,” sighed Twilight, “Nightmare Moon. She tried to bring eternal night 1000 years ago, but Princess Celestia stopped her and used the Elements of Harmony to banish her to the moon. But this is the thousandth year since then, and the legends say that this year, on the longest day of the year, she’ll escape. Tomorrow is the longest day, and so we have to find the elements or there’ll be no way to stop her!” Twilight gasped for air, having spat out what amounted to her sum total of knowledge on the subject.
“Alright,” said O’Neill, “come with me.” He stood up and beckoned Twilight to follow. He quickly led her around the main of the party and to the door to the side room. When they got there, O’Neill began obnoxiously banging on the door and called, “Hey Daniel, open up!”
“Yes, Jack? What is it?” asked Daniel as he pulled the door open. Simultaneously, a bucket of water spilled its contents on Daniel’s head. Mouth hanging open, Daniel stood in the doorway for a moment. All he could say was, “The door opens inwards. How?”
“Don’t question it,” advised Jack with a wide grin, “Pinkie Pie set that one up and I’m not sure how she does a lot of things.”
“Fine,” groused Daniel, “but was there a point to this besides getting me soaked?”
“Oh, right,” said O’Neill, “this is Twilight Sparkle-”
“Hi,” said Twilight unsurely, “just Twilight is fine.”
“-and she seems to think we might be in for some trouble later.”
“What sort of trouble?” asked Daniel.
“Return of some ancient evil long thought gone. You know, the usual,” joked O’Neill.
“So what’s the plan, then?”
“Research!” Twilight shouted triumphantly.
Daniel looked to O’Neill who nodded in assent. This caused Daniel’s eyebrows to jump up in surprise and disbelief. “Really, Jack? The plan is to do research?”
“Yeah,” said O’Neill, “ancient tools that banished Nightmare Moon the first time might be around somewhere. Until we know what’s going on, that does seem like the best plan.”
“I agree, it’s just not like you to go with the academic approach to these sorts of problems.” After a brief pause, he continued, “Wait, you think these tools are weapons, don’t you?”
“Daniel, whatever they are, they pose a threat to something that is prophesied to stop the sun from rising, if what we’ve heard from Cheerilee and Twilight is true. I don’t care if it’s a recipe for lasagna; we could use it. Especially with our track record for crazy prophecies.”
“True,” said Daniel. The three entered the side room, firmly closing the door, and sat down to learn.
“So, Twilight,” Jack asked as the mare grasped three books in her magical grip and began to rapidly leaf through them, “if this Nightmare Moon appears, what can we expect from her?”
Twilight threw the books she had previously been searching away in favor of a new set plucked off random shelves. “Well,” she said, “the stories say she was once Princess Celestia’s sister, so she’ll be really powerful. I mean, if the Princess took her seriously enough to banish her for a millenium, she must have been a real threat.”
It seemed that actually getting to sit down and do research had calmed Twilight significantly. “Well, then I’d say it’s up to you bookish types to figure this Elements of Ham thingy out.”
“Harmony. They’re the Elements of Harmony,” said Twilight crossly. “I don’t see what overacting would even do to a villain like Nightmare Moon.”
“You’ve obviously never fought an evil god before, then. Otherwise, you’d know that hamminess is one of their greatest weaknesses.” Jack got up and headed for the door. “Carter, Daniel, figure out what you can. Get Teal’c to help you too if he wakes up anytime soon. Hopefully nothing will happen, but things never really seem to stay peaceful for long.”
“Where will you be, sir?” asked Carter.
“Carter, where do I ever go when you eggheads are doing this kind of stuff?” asked Jack in return.
“That’s actually a good question, where do you g--” Carter’s line of inquiry was cut as the door to the party room opened.
“Come on, Jack,” called Pinkie Pie from the door, “you’re missing everything! Your noodle prank went off perfectly. It got Big Mac and Applejack just as they were leaving to get Applebloom. They were so surprised!”
Just as O’Neill was about to respond, a shriek was heard coming from the direction of the drinks. “It looks like someone found your pet alligator,” said Jack with a smirk.
“Gummy does like punch,” said Pinkie Pie as she nodded fiercely. The two headed back out into the party, eliciting some rather tipsy cheers as well as fearful gasps at what the two pranksters had planned next.
~~~
After what felt like only a few seconds, but by O’Neill’s watch was a few solid hours, the party wound down. Most of the guests had already left for Town Hall, where the Princess would be appearing in little under an hour, to get good spots. Spike, Twilight’s baby dragon, who it turned out was quite the party animal, had gone to round up the eggheads while Jack helped Pinkie Pie clean up the party.
Rather, he mostly watched as Pinkie wolfed down all the remaining food and drink while rolling the spent streamers neatly around her body. His job was to sweep up the confetti from the ground and pack it into shots for her party cannon. Somehow he didn’t feel too good about rearming the pink party terror, but hey, at least she recycled.
“Thanks for helping with the cleanup, Jack,” said Pinkie Pie cheerfully as she slipped out of the streamers, leaving behind neatly rolled coils, and offered her hoof to O’Neill.
“No problem,” said Jack. “I helped cause at least a quarter of the mess, so it was the least I could do.” O’Neill reached out and grasped Pinkie’s hoof, assuming that she was looking for their equivalent of a handshake. Immediately, his arm jerked back, wracked with pain.
“Yaah,” yelped Jack, “God, that hurt. Joy buzzers aren’t supposed to have actual electricity in them.” So far their pranks had been pretty crazy, but none had been painful, excluding the hot sauce, but that was an easily avoidable fate. “You know it’s dangerous to shock someone like that, right?” said O’Neill seriously.
“I’m so sorry,” cried Pinkie Pie, “Laugh Out Loud said that it shouldn’t hurt anypony.”
O’Neill let out a groan; he knew it wasn’t Pinkie’s fault. She seemed to have genuinely thought it was safe, and she had not done anything really dangerous yet. “It’s alright," said the colonel with an undertone of sadness, "us humans may simply be more vulnerable to electricity than you ponies. The hooves probably help with it some.”
“OK,” said Pinkie cheerfully, having quickly bounced back to her usual manic self. “I’ll see you at the sun raising. I’ve got to go put this stuff away and get a good spot.” With that, Pinkie pranced off into the night, disturbingly unencumbered by her heavy pack of party products.
As Jack shook out his tingling arm, he muttered to himself, “I guess you’ve gotta admit it was pretty funny.”
A few minutes later, O’Neill was joined by the rest of SG-1, Cheerilee, Twilight Sparkle, and Spike as they made their way toward Town Hall. “So you’re telling me,” said Jack, “that you couldn’t find anything on the Elementals all night?”
“Elements, sir, and no. We figure the book on it was in the party room, but every time we tried to go out and find it we got hit by a prank. I think I’ll have frosting in my hair for a week, by the way,” said Carter.
“Everyone is always saying how sweet you are, Carter,” said O’Neill, earning himself a glance that could kill. “Seriously, though, we’ve got nothing on these superweapons?”
“The Elements of Harmony aren’t weapons,” Twilight said aghast.
“Fine,” said O’Neill, still rankled from Pinkie’s shocking farewell, “so we’ve got nothing on the super powerful artefacts that can stop a very powerful being in its tracks?”
“No,” said Cheerilee worriedly. “But it’s always possible that nothing will happen. Just because it’s a legend doesn’t mean it’s true.”
“But I just know it’s real, everything points to Nightmare Moon returning tonight!” complained Twilight.
“You said that you are the Princess’s personal student, did you not? Have you tried asking her about it?” asked Teal’c. O’Neill looked questioningly at Daniel for confirmation, to which Daniel nodded. It seemed that they had stumbled into a diplomatic gold mine without really trying.
“Well, I did ask her about it,” said Twilight hesitantly, “but she... umm... sort of dismissed my concerns.”
Spike laughed at Twilight and said, “She told her to stop worrying and make friends. Seriously, she’d have been in a library all day if Princess Celestia hadn’t made her come out here.”
With renewed conviction, and a bit of indignation, Twilight continued, “But I know that it’s real. And now we’ll be ready to try something, at least.”
Jack sighed. He was split on the whole subject. On the one hand, the ruler of the land with the supposed magical ability to raise the sun had decided that it wasn’t worth worrying about. On the other hand, since when had he started trusting those in power to make important decisions or to see the way things on the ground really were?
When they reached Town Hall, SG-1 was directed to one of the balconies, a place of honor for visiting dignitaries, apparently. From there they could see and be seen by the gathered ponies. As Cheerilee had told them when they arrived, the majority of the crowd were earth ponies, while there were but a handful of unicorns and probably only about 100 pegasi. In addition to the townsfolk, there was also a three-pony unit of soldiers wearing bronze armor standing guard below the main balcony. One of them seemed to be sizing up SG-1, clearly able to tell that the humans were a military unit at a glance.
Across the hall from where SG-1 stood, a chorus of songbirds led by Fluttershy played a fanfare which announced the beginning of the ceremony. A spotlight moved down from the central balcony to shine upon Mayor Mare, who stood beneath it.
“Fillies and gentlecolts,” she began, “as mayor of Ponyville, it is my great pleasure to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration!” A chorus of cheers followed, muting a remark Jack made about the celebration having started hours ago in the library.
“In just a few minutes, our town will witness the magic of the sunrise,” continued the mayor, “and celebrate this, the longest day of the year. But first, I wish to give a special welcome to our guests. In addition to the fine citizens of Ponyville, as well as those who have made the journey here from nearby towns and the members of the Princess’s entourage, we have some rather special guests.
“These creatures, humans, as they call themselves, have travelled from another planet just to meet us and to watch our Princess raise the sun!” Mayor Mare’s words were met with another raucous cheer from the crowd as the spotlight travelled to rest on SG-1.
Giving his best fake smile, O’Neill waved to the crowd while muttering, “She sure knows how to twist the truth, doesn’t she?”
“Cheerilee did say she was good at PR,” came Daniel’s surreptitious reply.
“And now,” said the mayor once the crowd had quieted, “it is my great honor to introduce to you the ruler of our land, the very pony who gives us the sun and the moon each and every day, the good, the wise, the bringer of harmony to all of Equestria, Princess Celestia!” The ponies who had been anxiously milling about the room all snapped to attention as the birds let out another fanfare. The white unicorn from earlier, Rarity, pulled hard on a chord, pulling back the grand balcony’s curtains .
A nervous muttering filled the room when the assumedly regal form of Princess Celestia failed to appear behind the curtains. “Remain calm, everpony,” said Mayor Mare. Jack did have to hand it to her, she was good under pressure. “There must be a reasonable explanation.” With that, the mayor slipped backstage.
From the crowd, Jack could hear Pinkie’s ever cheerful voice saying, “Ooh, ooh, I love guessing games! Is she hiding?” Jack could only roll his eyes at the silly mare as his hands tightened around his MP5. O’Neill glanced at the members of his team, proud to note that even Daniel had tensed up and gripped his pistol when things started to go wrong.
Rarity, who had also gone backstage walked out onto the grand balcony and said in a shocked voice, “She’s gone,” eliciting a gasp from the crowd.
“Ooooh, she’s good,” said Pinkie Pie, obviously not feeling the tension in the room. Pinkie’s blindness to the other ponies’ fear was what made her shriek all the more disturbing. Every pony, human, jaffa, dragon, and bird in the room followed her gaze to the grand balcony where a purple and blue mist dotted with specks of light was materializing.
The starry haze formed itself into a winged, horned pony taller than anyone on SG-1. Her coat was pure black, save her cutie mark, a purple splotch with a waxing gibbous moon. She wore pale blue barding, the peytral of which was emblazoned with a waning gibbous. Her horn had to be at least a foot long, if not more, and came to a wickedly sharp point. The alicorn’s most striking features, though, were her eyes. They were scaled up with her body to maintain the proportions that were normal for ponies, but had slit pupils like a cat’s. The overall effect was that one of power and evilness.
“Oh, my beloved subjects, it’s been so long since I’ve seen your precious little sun-loving faces,” said Nightmare Moon, becoming irate as she mentioned the sun.
“What’d you do with our princess?” shouted Rainbow Dash as she took off at Nightmare Moon.
“Woah there, nelly,” said Applejack as she bit down on Rainbow Dash’s tail, holding her back.
Jack shot a look at Carter and Teal’c and whispered, “Is she a,” but he didn’t have to finish as both Teal’c and Carter nodded and levelled their weapons at the black alicorn.
Nightmare Moon cackled evilly and said, “Why? Am I not royal enough for you? Don’t you know who I am?” While Pinkie Pie began joking around in the gallery, Daniel drew his pistol and all of SG-1 clicked off their safeties.
“Does my crown no longer count now that I have been imprisoned for 1000 years? Did you not recall the legend? Did you not see the signs?” continued Nightmare Moon. Jack signalled to the team to open fire in five seconds.
“I did!” called Twilight, “and I know who you are. You’re the Mare in the Moon, Nightmare Moon!” The crowd drew a collective gasp at almost the same time that SG-1 opened fire.
The thunderous sound of semi-automatic gunfire tore through the air and was joined by the energetic noise created by the staff weapon’s blast travelling through the air. The gathered ponies’ ears all clamped down, some ponies running out of the building straight away as metal and plasma poured out of the aliens’ weapons and at Nightmare Moon.
All of the sound and fury of SG-1’s assault proved meaningless, however, as a midnight blue cylinder of energy shone through the haze caused by the weapons’ discharge. The wood around Nightmare Moon had occasional holes torn into it, and the banister was almost entirely destroyed. Nightmare Moon herself, though, stood tall.
Raising a hoof to her head, she rubbed the single dent SG-1 had managed to leave in her armor, a bullet had impacted her champron but had been stopped by the metal.
“Well well well,” taunted Nightmare Moon, “it seems that I am not the only one to have come from far away.” Her eyes flicked to Teal’c’s forehead. “Jaffa Apophis, kri tal shal mak!” she commanded. Two voices came from the alicorn who now spoke as a goa’uld rather than a pony.
“Mekta Teal’c, I am a free jaffa. I no longer serve the false gods!” shouted Teal’c, keeping his staff trained on Nightmare Moon.
“Shol’va, you shall pay for your foalishness in attacking me. I see you have brought taur with you, and the female has been touched by the gods. I am certain I can find a use for them,” Nightmare Moon glared at Teal’c and the humans, her eyes glowing brightly through the thinning haze. “But first,” she said, turning her gaze back to the ponies either too stupid, brave, or scared to run, “I shall bring on an eternal night that shall last forever!” The goa’uld descended into evil laughter as the purple haze which substituted for her mane and tail grew in size and began to swirl around her.
“Seize her!” shouted Mayor Mare, “only she knows where the Princess is!” As if all they needed was a reminder of their duty, the soldier ponies launched themselves at Nightmare Moon.
“Stand back, you foals,” shouted Nightmare Moon as she reared up, lashing out with lightning bolts which seemed to appear from her ethereal mane. Once more, her eyes glowed as the ponies were blasted away. Nightmare Moon let out a final cackle as she wrapped herself in midnight blue magic and streamed out the door. Ponies dodged out of the haze’s path, ducking their heads between their forelegs for protection.
“Let’s move!” ordered O’Neill. “Back to the library to regroup, we’ve got a rogue goa’uld and somewhere in there might be the answer.” Below SG-1’s balcony, the shell shocked ponies were beginning to stand up. Rainbow Dash burst out the door in a feeble attempt to pursue Nightmare Moon while Twilight Sparkle took the passed out Spike on her back and galloped out of Town Hall.