The ⑨ Chronicles

by shinigamisparda


Stupid vs Crazy

The being woke from another of her naps, stretching her arms and cracking her neck before sighing. She took a swig of her drink, something the guards were never able to take from her, before getting up. She grabbed the bar on her cell and ripped it off with little effort. In her heart she knew she had waited long enough. She stumbled out towards the front gate, only to be med by the growling three headed beast, snarling and warning her not to make another move. In response she unleashed her battle cry of “AH, SHADDAP!” before slapping one of its faces hard enough to send it flying into the gate behind, breaking it open. She shielded her eyes from the light, the first she had seen in ages and walked outside.

“Allllllright,” she declared before hiccuping. “Ish time to shee what’s changed.”


Cirno had been having an odd day. It started off normally enough, she had been out freezing frogs and watching them thaw out. The suddenly one of the frogs began belching up lasers, the burning hot slice through anything kind. What had come next was an epic battle between fairy and superpowered amphibian… or so Cirno would’ve like to believe. What really happened was that Cirno barely managed to dodge the unintentional attack and instinctively froze the frog in response.

After recovering she decided to head back to Ponyville, only to notice the bizarre state everything was in. The sky was a pink checkerboard, houses floated upside down, and there were so many strange things going on she didn’t know where to start.

“Wow, Ponyville looks really different today… looks like fun!” she declared as she flew into the chaos. The first thing she noticed was a group of buffalo dancing in ballerina outfits, to which she quickly joined in, floating alongside them and pretending to be dancing on her toes. After a few seconds of this she noticed a flying sundae chasing down and trying to eat a cherry. Cirno immediately gave chase, trying to eat them both. She had almost gotten them when a baseball came out of nowhere and slammed into her head, shattering her. After a few moments she popped back into existence, annoyed. She huffed and decided to look something else to do, only for a giant waffle to fall out of the sky and smash her to pieces again.

“THAT’S IT! THIS ISN’T FUN!” she shouted just after she reformed. “Eye’m gonna find Sparkle Pony!” she declared and angrily flew off, too focused on her goal to notice that night and day had switched back and forth quickly. After a few minutes of searching she saw a bright flash in the distance and headed towards it. After a few moments she finally saw sho she was looking for. “Sparkle Pony!” she called, only to stop as she noticed something strange about her. The pony had some tiara thing on her head, and her colors were faded. She also seemed to be completely ignoring a pink cloud dripping chocolate rain on her.

Just then, some strange creature appeared in a flash next to her. He seemed to be taunting her so Cirno flew over as quickly as she could. “Come now, Twilight Sparkle.” He said as he took a cone and grabbed the pink cloud out of the air. “You’ve got to get into the spirit of things!” he took a lick from the cloud. “After all, this is your new home!”

Twilight turned around to look, also seeing Cirno. The fairy could see the hurt look in her eyes and rushed over, only to stop when she hear the pony whimper the words “Not anymore.”

As she trotted away Cirno felt her heart crack. She had become very attached to Twilight over her short stay, and was always happy to be around her. She was happy when she made Twilight happy, and to see her so hurt caused her a pain she could never remember feeling.

She was about to quickly fly over to try and cheer her up, only to hear the creature pump its fist and cheer. “YES!” He then threw his arms up and laughed.

Cirno stopped, her mind processing exactly what was happening. Once it fully registered her fists clenched, her brow furrowed, and she began to grind her teeth together. She stomped over to the creature. “HEY! YOU!” The creature stopped and looked to her, surprised. “JUST WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE!?”

The creature blinked a few times before smiling. “Moi? Why, I’m Discord! And who are-?”

“What did you do to her?” Cirno interrupted.

“Huh?”

“What. Did you do. To Twilight?” she repeated.

“What did I do? Oh nothing much, I just beat her!” he smugly boasted.

“Change her back. Now.” Cirno ordered, venom seeping into her voice.

Discord chuckled. “Or what?”

“Or else I’ll make you regret it.”

Discord just stared at her for a moment before laughing. “You? Just what are you going to do? Oh please, provide me some entertainment. This should be amusing.”

Cirno closed her eyes. “You. YOU!” Cirno’s eyes opened, her irises now green. “BAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Cirno raised her arms and fired a spread of ice energy bolts at Discord, who took that hit and fell back, much to his surprise.

“GAH! COLD!” he exclaimed. He dusted himself off as he got back up. “How rude! Do you know-?”

“BAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKA!” Cirno shouted, completely ignoring him and firing of blasts of ice bullets at him.

Discord floated and coiled himself out of the way of each blast. “Ok, that’s enough of that.” he declared in an annoyed tone, summoning a giant flyswatter which swung itself at her, only for it to be almost instantly frozen solid. “Wh-What!?”

“BA-KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Cirno shouted and began adding beams of ice energy to her attacks, one of them hitting the flyswatter and shattering it to dust.

“What the-? How!?” he shouted, summoning a giant bull made out of candy to charge her, which also was frozen and then shattered almost instantly.

“ICE SIGN: ICICLE FALL!” she shouted, her body glowing with blue energy for a moment before icy energy bullets began to fire from her in a pattern, shooting out to the sides before curving in.

“Oh yeah!?” Discord said before teleporting behind her. “Chaos Sign: Waffle Iron!” A massive waffle iron poofed into existence and slammed on Cirno, stopping her attack. “Finally!” Discord sighed in relief, only to notice the device was freezing over. “No…” It then began to crack. “No no no…” It then shattered to pieces, revealing the furious ice fairy. “WHAT ARE YOU!?”

“I’M ANGRY!” she shouted. “HAIL SIGN: HAILSTORM!”


Twilight had finally managed to return all her friends back to normal, adjust the “crown thingy” on her head. “Alright, we know what to do, so let’s do it!” she said.

“RIght!” the rest of the girls responded and they all ran out of the treebrary, only to stop when the noticed giant pillars of ice forming nearby, along with a familiar battle cry.

“BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA!”

“Oh my goodness! CIRNO!” Twilight shouted as she sprinted off in worry, temporarily forgetting everypony else with her. As the group crested over a hill what they saw mad their jaws drop: Cirno was fighting Discord. More than that, she was actually holding him off. Not by power, but by freezing and shattering anything her threw at her.

“CHANGE HER BACK! YOU CHANGE TWILIGHT BACK RIGHT NOW!” she shouted as she continued to fire freezing blasts.

“GO AWAY! THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF CHAOS I WANT!” Discord shouted back as she hurled giant versions of every kind of candy he could think of, all of the them freezing before they got close.

“CIRNO!” Twilight called, catching her attention. The fairy immediately stopped and turned to see her before crying and dashing over, practically tackling the unicorn over. “TWILIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!” she cried. “YOU’RE BACK! YOU’RE NORMAL AGAIN! I WAS SO SCARED YOU WOULDN’T GO BACK TO YOU AGAIN!” She continued to bawl as Twilight gently hugged her back.

“It’s ok, Cirno, I’m here now,” she assured her, stroking her hair. She then stopped and turned to Discord, her gaze hardening. “We’re all here.”

“Jeez, after that fiasco I’m almost happy to see you all again. But you know what?” Discord began, cracking his knuckles. “I think I’m going to need to get rid of you once and for-”

“HEY!” another voice called.

Everypony turned to see a new figure stumbling towards them. She appeared to be a similar race to Cirno, standing on two legs with arms and hands and even being around the same size, but there were some noticeable differences. For example, the being had no wings, but she did have two massive horns coming from either side of her head, like some kind of steer. The left one even had a blue ribbon tied on it. She wore a white blouse with the sleeves seemingly torn off and a red ribbon under her collar, as well as a dark purple dress white white flame-like patterns on the bottom that went all the way down to her ankles. Around her waist was a black studded belt and three chains connected to it, each one ending in a different ornament. One was red pyramid, another a blue cube, and the last one a yellow sphere. In addition were some white and frilly cuffs around her wrists and black shoes with red bows and white socks. Her hair was long and ginger colored, flowing all the way down to her calves and being tied off at the end with a white ribbon. On her head she also wore a red bow. Her eyes were brown and bleary, her face flushed red with a goofy smile on her lips. In her hand was the apparent reason why, a purple gourd with white talismans with red trimmings and a string attached to the top.

“Hey you! Ya, I’m talkin’ ta you,” she said as she stumbled towards Discord. “Did you, *hic*, did you do alla thish?”

“Why yes, I did.” Discord answered proudly.

“Aw, thash cool! This place looks waaaaaaaaay more fun than normal boring pony place,” the girl complimented.

“Oh, well, it’s nice to see somepony appreciate my work,” Discord said, glaring at the girls for a moment when stressing that one word.

“Buy ya know… thersh just one problem wit it.”

“A problem? What problem could there possibly be?”

“The problem ish *hic*... Ish that you… yer the only one havin’ fun.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah! Thish ish supposed ta be a festival! *hic* That meansh EEEEEEEEEEEEVERYONE should be havin’ fun!” As she dragged out that one word she spun around, holding her arms out to point to everything before nearly falling over. “Sho… Change it.”

“Change it!? Absolutely not!” Discord huffed indignantly.

“Do it… or elsh,” the girl warned, still seeming struggling to keep her balance.

“Or else what, shrimp?” Discord taunted, ready to snap whatever he thought needed into existence.

The girl took a log chuck from her gourd before putting it away. She then cocked her arm and threw a punch… which grew to the size of a chariot in an instant, slamming into the draconequus and smashing him through a house.

“What the hay!?” Rainbow asked aloud. She was about to continue, only to watch as the rest of the girl’s body grew to match the proportions of her now giant arm, reaching the size a building.

Discord groaned, shaking his head and getting ready to fight, only to see who was staring down at him.

The girl crack her neck. “Who ya callin’ ‘shrimpf’, ‘shrimpf?” she said, her smirk now predatory as she slammed her fist into her palm.