//------------------------------// // Part 2: This Castle's Not as Nice as the Last One // Story: Celestia's Chosen Hero... is Carl? // by Joey JoJo Shabadoo //------------------------------// Soaring through the clouds, in the seat of a golden chariot pulled by her royal guard, Princess Celestia headed for the town of Ponyville with the intent of visiting her old student. Of course, joining her on this quest was her very special guest. The soul from another world, Carl and he wasn’t particularly pleased with his current predicament. “The feel of the wind in your mane as you soar through the sky, isn’t it exhilarating, Carl?” “Shut up.” Celestia had hoped to fill time with a light conversation, but Carl was as surly as ever. He hoped flying in a chariot might have been interesting, but it got old surprisingly fast. “What the hell am I doing here?” He grunted. “Have you forgotten, already? I wish to introduce you to one of the ponies you saw in the windows. One of the wielders of the Elements of Harmony and a very close friend of mine.” “That’s not what I meant! Look at me! I’m a horse riding a golden chariot through the clouds with a goddamn pony princess! What the fuck is my life!?” “There’s no reason to get so worked up, Carl. Once you're settled in Ponyville, you'll be free to take it all in at your own pace. Everything's going to be fine. Trust me.” “Trust you? You practically kidnapped me! And for what!? To fight some vague evil force I know fuck all about!? Why the hell should I trust you, when you can’t even share the tiniest detail of what’s going on in that centuries old brain of yours!?” Celestia thought for a moment, the guilt of dragging an unsuspecting being from another world into her own affairs wasn't lost on her, perhaps he did deserve some kind of explanation. “Carl…” She spoke, suddenly getting serious. “I truly am sorry for dragging you into this mess against your will and without even giving you so much as a warning, but please understand, I’m only doing this because I have no other choice. Perhaps, given enough time, a simpler solution could have been arranged, one that didn’t involve convoluted schemes of inter-dimensional travel, but time was something I didn’t have the luxury of. I had to take a chance now, or risk being left completely defenceless in the future. Even as we speak, that evil force is on the move and when the time comes for us to finally confront them, I must make sure that we are ready to protect this land. I shudder at the thought of what might happen if we fail.” “But, why me?” Carl groaned. “I can not say, revealing that now will give away the only advantage I have. All that I ask is that you just have faith in me.” “Personally, I think you’re full of shit, but what fuck do I know? Not like I have much of a choice anyway...” “All that I ask is that you remain cooperative. Besides, we still have plenty of time before this evil fully regains their strength, so, for now, just focus on making some new friends.” “What? You just said ‘time was a luxury you didn’t have’.” “Indeed, but now that I’ve successfully summoned you, we can rest easy for a while. You should spend this spare time enjoying your stay in Ponyville.” Carl couldn’t even begin to imagine what was going on in Celestia’s head. He had no idea what he was fighting, why he was fighting it or how he was supposed to fight it. He wasn’t exactly the heroic type, nor did he have any special powers, it was only moments ago that he had even learned how to walk. The chariot descended through the clouds as they parted to reveal a humble little town, much smaller than the large city Carl saw from the Princess’ castle. “Yeah… I should have expected this... “ Carl thought to himself as they flew closer, noticing that the town seemed completely devoid of any electronics whatsoever. “Just another little fairytale villa- What the fuck is that thing!?” As the chariot landed, Carl’s attention was immediately drawn to the giant, looming, crystal castle on the edge of town. “That, Carl.” Celestia answered. “Is the Castle of Friendship.” “Fuck off... “ Carl laughed. “That towering behemoth of a building? Is this how you watch over the people in your kingdom? By scaring the shit out of them? ‘Don’t betray your friends or we’ll fucking impale you on the spikes of our demonic friendship castle!’” “I suppose it does look a little imposing... well, shall we proceed?” “Yeah… let’s get this shitshow started already.” After walking to the front of the castle, Celestia graciously knocked on its large, imposing doors and the two patiently waited for a reply. The massive door soon screeched open only for them to be greeted by a small dragon with a toothbrush in his mouth, wearing a towel. He was clearly not expecting a visit from royalty as he suddenly fell over himself, choking on his toothbrush. “Whoops, we killed him, guess we’ll try again later.” Carl said, attempting to leave, only to be swiftly dragged back to the door by Celestia’s magic. The dragon quickly spat his toothbrush out and jumped back up to properly greet his guests. “Princess Celestia! What brings you here, to Ponyville, completely unannounced?” He asked as his towel fell around his ankles giving them all a view of his featureless crotch. “You wanna explain how dragon anatomy works, while were here?” Carl jest. The Princess contained her laughter before returning to business. “I’m sorry for dropping by out of the blue like this, but is Twilight home?” “Yeah, she and Starlight were just finishing breakfast.” “Wonderful, could you bring them here, this should only take a few minutes.” “Gotcha.” The dragon left, soon returning with two more ponies. A lavender alicorn and a slightly less lavender unicorn. “Princess Celestia.” The alicorn greeted with excitement. “If I knew you were visiting I would have prepared extra pancakes.” “That's quite thoughtful, Twilight, but I’m just here for a quick visit.” “Hold the fuck up!” Carl interrupted. “They have horns! You have a horn! Those guards have wings! You have wings! Purple has wings! But, I don’t get anything!? What's the deal with that!?” Twilight was perplexed by the loud pony’s outburst. She hadn’t even introduced herself yet and she was already feeling uncomfortable. The way he spoke to Princess Celestia so crudely, over a matter that was so ridiculously trivial. Twilight wasn’t sure if this obnoxious pony was even aware of her position or if he was just stupid. “Um, Princess.” Twilight asked. “Who is that pony beside you?” “Ah, yes, he’s actually the reason I’m here today.” She answered. “His name is Carl, he’s an acquaintance of mine.” “Carl?” The name struck Twilight as quite odd, for a pony at least, it wasn’t exactly descriptive. “Indeed, he may not look it at first glance, but he’s actually from another world, so his knowledge of Equestria is rather limited.” “Another world? But, the mirror portal hasn’t been active for months, did you use it without me noticing?” “Oh my, no. I summoned him here personally, using my own magic.” “Wow… that’s so impressive.” Twilight was enamoured by the Princess’ amazing feat of magic, but quickly realised the pointlessness of said feat. “Wait, why? Wouldn't using the mirror portal be easier?” Celestia’s usual warm, cheery demeanour suddenly grew stern. Her glare alone was enough to demand everyone’s attention. “Twilight, what I’m about to tell you must be kept secret between us and your closest friends as not to create a panic. A great evil has reawakened and I’m afraid the Elements of Harmony may not be powerful enough to stop it. Using the mirror portal during this time of impending crisis, is out of the question, lest we endanger that world as well. Which is why, I opted to summon Carl using my own magic as he will be playing a crucial role in defeating this evil force. I can't speak any more on this subject, so for the time being, I’d like to request your assistance in preparing Carl for when he must face said force.” “You can count on me, Princess. So, what do we do?” “I’d like Carl to stay with you in Ponyville. Show him around town, introduce him to your friends and try to make him feel comfortable. You’ve been to another world before, so I’m sure you understand how out of place he must feel.” “Of course… wait? Is that it?” “Indeed, is there a problem?” “Oh no! I just thought there would be more to it, you sure we don't need to go on some kind of journey to prepare ourselves, first?” “Oh, heavens, Twilight. Always overthinking everything, sometimes the simplest solution to the problem is the most effective. Now, I trust I can leave Carl in your capable hooves?” “Of course, Princess.” “Very well, then. Carl?” As the princesses wrapped up their discussion on important issues regarding evil forces threatening their world, Carl had spent the past few minutes trying to figure out how to sit in his new pony body, much to Starlight’s amusement. He underestimated just how much he relied on his knees to sit comfortably, as no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t decide on what to do with his hind legs. Should they stretch forward, or should he lay down like a cat? These were the important issues plaguing Carl's mind. “Carl?” Celestia asked. “Have you been paying attention?” “What?” He looked up, like a child that had just been caught playing in the dirt. “No, I was distracted. What’s happening?” “I have arranged for you to stay at Princess Twilight’s castle from now on.” “Wait? You mean you’re leaving?” “I must return to Canterlot to fulfil my Princess duties, or would you rather have me babysit you all day?” “No thanks, Celestia. I’m a big boy now.” He responded, still sprawled out on the ground like a special needs infant. “If you have any questions I’m sure Twilight will be more than happy to answer them for you.” “Yeah… yeah...” “You’re not going to miss me, are you?” “God, no! Get the fuck outta here, before you start lecturing me again!” “I hope to speak with you again, soon, but for now try to behave yourself.” “Yeah, thanks mom, I’ll try not to bully the other kids too much.” Celestia returned to her chariot and flew off into the clouds, leaving Carl alone with Twilight and her friends. Twilight attempted to break the ice. “So… I guess we should properly introduce ourselves. I’m Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship.” Carl remained stoic, making friends wasn't exactly his forte. He would much rather have spent his time lazing around Celestia's castle than force himself to socialise with other ponies. “Uh… this is my student, Starlight Glimmer, she’s studying the magic of friendship with me.” “Hi…” Starlight awkwardly waved, but received no reply. “And, this is my assistant, Spike. He’s a baby dragon.” “I’m not a baby. Since moving to Ponyville, I grew two whole inches.” Spike proclaimed proudly. The girls laughed, but Carl barely reacted at all. Their conversation had died before it even begun, but Starlight wasn’t about to give up on it, just yet. “So, Carl. Nice weather we’re having today, right?” Carl rolled his eyes, he figured he’d throw them a bone if they were getting this desperate. “It’s fine...” “I mean, I’m sure you noticed the clouds on your way over here. We’ve scheduled a storm for later tonight..” Carl raised an eyebrow. “Scheduled a storm?” “Yeah, you know… the pegasi gather a bunch of rain clouds… to release lightning and wind… and it rains a lot.” Starlight was struggling to explain what was, to her, common knowledge, as a denizen of Equestria. Carl just seemed to silently accept it. "Oh, yeah!” Twilight intervened. “The Princess said you were from another world, right?” “Yeah, I’m a human.” “That explains it, in the human world, weather works on its own instead of being controlled by pegasi. Although, it’s kinda weird that there’s more than one human world. Makes you wonder just how many worlds there are out there. Multiverse theory sure gets confusing, am I right?” Carl couldn’t care less about Twilight’s tedious ramblings, but her comments about there being ‘more than one human world’ intrigued him.  “What was that about another human world?” “Oh, well, since you’re so interested. There’s another human world that’s like a parallel universe to this one, connected by a mirror portal that I keep in one of my libraries.” “Sure, I'll roll with that.” Carl just accepted that portals to other universes lying around people's libraries was par for the course in this world. "Could you show me?" “You’re not planning to escape through it, are you?” Twilight joked. “No, Twinkles. I’ve already travelled to one universe, I don’t need to travel to any more. This is already confusing enough as is.” “Just checking and I think you misheard, my name’s Twilight.” The group returned to the castle. The icy blue, crystal walls of Twilight’s home made it seem much colder and less inviting than Celestia’s. At least, to Carl it did. “Geez…” He remarked. “This castle’s not as nice as the last one. It looks so cold and empty.” “Really?” Twilight had never heard anyone criticise her castle before. Most ponies were usually too amazed at being in the presence of royalty to even comment. “I guess it’s a little big, but I think that’s just because my castle’s nowhere near as lively as Princess Celestia’s.” “Does the Princess of Friendship not have many friends?” “Oh, I have plenty of friends.” Carl detected a hint of irritation in her reply, but decided to let the bait dangle a little longer. Before they could enter the library the ponies passed through the throne room. “See?” Twilight pointed out. “This room is much more welcoming than those dull hallways. My friends decorated it with shining gem stones, lavish curtains and the best designer seat cushions in Equestria.” “Yeah, neat. You gonna show me that portal now?” Twilight’s bragging was for nought. She was only trying to get some kind of positive reaction out of him, but Carl simply didn’t care. “Show him the map, Twilight!” Spike suggested. Twilight’s mood picked up as she directed Carl towards the large table in the center of the room. Perhaps this would be enough to impress him. “Check this out, Carl. This is the Cutie Map.” Carl stared at the stone table in disinterest. “It’s a stone, Twiggles.” “No, it's a map! Watch!” Twilight conjured a spell, releasing her magic as the table generated an image of the entirety of Equestria as she eagerly awaited Carl’s reaction. “Yep, that’s a map, alright.” “Yeah... you can see the whole of Equestria on it, in great detail. Aren’t you even a little interested?” “I'm not here to look at a fucking map, Twibright. I don’t ca-” As Carl rolled his eyes he caught a glimpse of a strange sight hanging above him. “Why is there a big ass tree stump suspended from the ceiling?” “Oh, that used to be my home.” Twilight explained in a sombre tone. “Where I’m from horses don’t normally live in trees.” “That wasn’t just any tree, it was the Golden Oak Library.” “What? Did it blow up?” “Yeah, it did.” “Oh... was it a gas leak?” “No! It was destroyed by… a big, dumb monster.” “Damn... and I thought repo guys in my world were evil.” “Yeah... I lost pretty much everything when the library was destroyed…” “So you hung it's remains from the ceiling of your castle? Okay...” Carl chuckled. Starlight suddenly nudged Carl in the ribs. “Don’t be so insensitive.” “Ow, fuck, alright. Look, just show me where this portal thing is already, I’m not here to listen to sob stories, either.” After having, inadvertently, dug up some painful memories, Carl was brought into the library where, in the centre, rested the mirror portal. “So, is this it?” Carl asked. “Yeah… that’s it.” Replied Twilight, still feeling a little down. “And it still works, right?” “Well, not right now. It takes a lot of power to keep it running, so I turned it off.” “But, you can get it up and running again, if you needed to?” “I guess…” “So, what the fuck is going on here? If Celestia needed to bring a human into this world, then why didn’t she just use this portal instead of wasting her magic on ripping me out of my own universe? What the hell was she thinking?” “She said she didn’t want to endanger the other universe.” “That’s bullshit. If that were the case then you could just keep this thing turned off after using it. She must be hiding something.” “What do you want me to say? The Princess has always been very cryptic when explaining herself, but that’s just because she wants us to grow through experience and figure things out ourselves.” “Are you retarded? The only experience I can see happening to me is getting my shit kicked in.” “I’m sure the Princess has her reasons for withholding certain information. You just have to trust that she knows what she's doing.” “Yeah, well I'm not really a fan of being used like some clueless pawn in a game of 4D chess.” “You’re not a pawn, she’s just trying to guide you. She did the same thing to me and I became a Princess.” “Hey, newsflash! You’re not the one she plucked out of their own universe for practically no reason.” “Actually, in a way, I kinda am. Well, metaphorically speaking." "What the hell are you talking about?" "She forced me out of my bubble in Canterlot and sent me to Ponyville. So, in a way, she dragged me out of my universe, and because of that, I was able to experience friendships I may never have discovered on my own.” “What kind of Princess bosses other Princesses around?” “I wasn’t a princess at all back then. I was just her student.” “Oh, sorry, so you weren't quite as entitled.” “Entitled?” Twilight became noticeably upset. She always tried to remain humble and modest about her accomplishments and didn’t understand why Carl was suddenly jumping to conclusions when he barely even knew her. “I’m not entitled. I worked my butt off to get where I am today.” “Oh yeah?" This was Carl's chance to probe the Princess, to see what she was truly like underneath her facade of niceness. "So, how did you become the Princess’ protege?” “Wha-? I… I was trying to get into Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.” “Sounds like some rich kids school.” “No! Just because it’s in Canterlot doesn’t mean it’s just for rich kids!” “Canterlot? I take it that’s where all the snobs live?” “Well, it is the capital of Equestria, so it's kind of expensive…” Twilight was growing more self-conscious, she felt like she was being interrogated, as if she had committed a crime she wasn’t aware of, but Carl was nowhere near finished, yet. “So, after becoming Celestia’s student, you lived among the rich snobs of Canterlot, right?” “I've always lived in Canterlot because my family lives there.” “So, I take it your parents are among the elite as well?” “They’re successful, I guess…" “How successful?” “I don’t know. Why are you asking? How this even relevant? What’s the point of all these questions!?” Carl took a moment to gather his thoughts, if he was going to be staying with this princess he wanted to know just what kind of person they really were and after a long questioning session he finally came to a conclusion. “Yeah, now this shit's starting to come together. Celestia’s apprentice, hand picked by the Princess herself. With connections to royalty and a little cash from mommy and daddy, she easily gets into a high prestige school. Being the daughter of a rich family and living in a rich city allowed you to live comfortably as you coasted through life, and with the Princess watching over you, you were practically guaranteed success. What a fucking joke. Money, connections and dumb luck. Those are the only reasons you have any power at all. Without them you’d just be another irrelevant nobody. You're just some entitled bitch. Princess of Friendship? More like Princess of Privilege.” Twilight was stunned silent, all of Carl’s questions were just traps to help him build a narrative that painted her as some kind of mindless elitist. His words left her on the brink of tears, as if he took everything she had ever accomplished in life and trivialised it, rendering them all meaningless. Starlight and Spike were equally shocked at how effortlessly Carl had tore into Twilight, for seemingly no reason. Starlight was about to try and separate them before things got any worse, but Twilight suddenly stomped her hoof down. She gave Carl a chilling glare, he naturally returned in kind. For a brief moment she actually believed the lies he spewed from his mouth, but as she thought back on her past experiences, she remembered. The many nights she spent studying, her many battles against powerful foes and saving the world with the friends who were always by her side. “You’re wrong.” She responded. “I never once believed that I was entitled to anything. I’m truly grateful for the life that I have and I wouldn't trade it away for anything, especially not to impress somepony like you. In fact, if you want to talk about entitlement, then let’s talk about you, Carl.” “Excuse me?” Carl laughed. “This oughta be good…” “First of all, you were summoned here by Princess Celestia herself, that alone gives you special privileges most ponies could only dream of.” “Big fuckin’ deal, I’m just a tool she needs to solve a problem. Nothing more.” “Second, you get to live among royalty, in a huge castle where all your needs are catered to, while you don’t even have to lift a hoof.” “I should bloody hope so, given I was brought here, against my will. To a world I barely understand.” “Third, you have the opportunity to speak with the most powerful ponies in Equestria about anything. You have access to so much more knowledge than you’ll ever need to know and yet you’ve done nothing to earn any of it, other than your existence possibly being useful at some undefined point in the future.” “Where the hell are you going with this? I didn't ask to be in this world and I definitely don’t give enough of a shit about about it to learn about its history or culture. If I could ditch you guys and hitch a ride home, I’d do it in a heartbeat.” Twilight, having remained as levelheaded as she could, had finally had enough. It seemed Carl wasn’t going to understand anything unless she spelled it out for him. “Carl, I’ve only known you for about half an hour and you’ve already proven to be one of the most entitled ponies I’ve ever met! And what’s worse is that you’re so arrogant and thick headed that you don't even realise it! But you know what? None of this would even be that big a deal, if you weren’t such a massive hypocrite!” Carl was genuinely steamed, he wasn’t used to people actually standing up to him, let alone being able to form actual criticisms against him. He preferred angry idiots like Unis, who he could run mental circles around all day and never tire of it, but Twilight was different, she had a confidence and a tenacity that just irritated him to no end. “God, people like you piss me off, with your high and mighty attitude. Let me just make this clear: You may be the Princess of Friendship, but you’re not my princess, nor my friend, you got that?” “I’ll try not to let my status hurt your precious ego…” There was a sudden silence as the two ponies simply glared at each other. The tension in the room was so thick it was practically suffocating, but Starlight eventually stepped in to end their standoff. “Wow! That was certainly a very productive… um, debate, but maybe we should all take some time to cool off. Spike! Why don’t you and Twilight finish breakfast while I deal with our guest.” “Alright, it’s your funeral.” Spike replied heading over to Twilight. He held her hoof and escorted her out of the room, however the two ponies refused to break eye-contact with each other and continued glaring until the door was firmly closed behind them. “What the heck was that all about!?” Starlight asked. “Prick...” “That's not an appropriate answer!” “Look, I just don’t like being bossed around. Especially by a bunch of assholes I don’t even know.” Starlight desperately tried to not get mad, lest she start another argument. “I think we all just need to take a breather and calm down. You know what helps me feel better after a bad day?” “Drinking?” “No, that usually makes things worse…” Starlight’s horn lit up as she teleported Carl and herself to her bedroom. “What the fuck!? What happened!?” Carl yelled, checking over his body to make sure nothing was missing. “Oh, I just did a teleportation spell. Anyway, check this out!” Starlight held up a finely crafted box kite. “A kite?” “Flying a kite always helps me calm down, it’s like the wind just carries all those bad thoughts away. You wanna try it?” “No.” “No… no one does…” Starlight looked around her room for something that might peak Carl’s interest. “Ooh, how about this!” She levitated over the book that was lying open on her desk. “This book is about Ancient Equestrian Artefacts, I’ve been reading all about them lately. Maybe you’ll find something interesting in here.” “No.” “But, you didn’t even look at it…” “Oh, for fuck’s sake…” Carl reluctantly flicked through the book’s pages for something interesting to read, but after a minute he noticed a glaring issue. “I can’t read any of this shit.” “Oh, yeah… I guess Equestrian English looks different in your world. In that case, you can look at the pictures and I’ll read it for you.” “Fine… what’s this page then?” “That’s a Magic Ritual Circle, you can use them to conjure up powerful spells by-” “Boring, what else do we have here?” “Um, this page is about the Sacred Shield, a weapon that can defend against any magical attack.” “Huh, I should get me one of those, in case Princess Purple tries to kill me later.” Carl turned the page to see what other strange magical artefacts this world had to offer, but what he saw next deeply disturbed him. Pitch black monoliths, even though they were just pictures, their soulless, black colouring, that seemed to devour all light, made him feel uneasy. “Oh, those are Black Crystal Monoliths. They might not seem like much, but rocks like this are capable of storing large quantities of magic and these rare, black crystals were the absolute best at it. Their storage capacity is practically limitless.” “Where would you even find these things?” “Nopony knows, if they did I would have used them already.” “For what?” “Oh! Nothing, don’t worry about it.” The strange tales behind Equestria’s old artefacts helped keep Carl’s mind distracted allowing him to mellow out. “You know what? That did make me feel a little better, not bad, Starbright.” “Starlight.” “Whatever…” Just when Carl’s mood was starting to lighten up, Twilight teleported into the room, still sour from their earlier encounter. “What is it, Twinkie?” Carl teased. “It’s Twilight and I just finished speaking with the Princess.” “Uh oh, am I in trouble?” “No, in fact, the Princess insisted that I introduce you to the rest of my friends and keep you by my side at all times.” “Did you tell her the part where I called you an entitled bitch?” “I simply questioned the thought process behind gambling Equestria’s fate on you, but the Princess seems to have a lot of confidence in your abilities… whatever they might be…” “Oh really? But, what if I refuse this order?” “Then you don’t get to go home.” “So, the bitch is blackmailing me!” “Honestly, I think blackmail is too good for the likes of you, but I’m not in a position to argue with the Princess.” “Can’t even stand up to a fellow royal? Who’d have thought the Princess of Friendship would be such a pussy?” Insulted, Twilight glared at Carl, again. Not one to back down, he returned in kind. Starlight had never seen Twilight so confrontational before, not even Trixie’s antics pushed her to this extreme. The atmosphere grew tense and Starlight needed to separate them again, fearing a fight may break out. “Hey, hey, hey.” She pleaded, getting in between their faces. “Why don’t we forget about the blackmail and the insults and take a nice relaxing stroll around town. I’m sure, once you’ve introduced Carl to your friends, all that animosity will just melt away. I mean, he can’t possibly find a way to upset all five of your friends, right?” She turned to Carl, for clarification. “No promises.” He replied. “Fine.” Twilight answered. “Hey.” Starlight called. “Maybe, I should go with you, just in case?” “Don’t worry about it, Starlight.” Twilight ordered. “You don't need to subject yourself to this idiot's company. You just catch up on your studies.” “Yeah, you’ll just ruin all my fun.” The pair left the room and headed out into town, leaving Starlight with a horrible feeling in her gut. “Oh, Twilight, why do you have to be so stubborn? I really hope Princess Celestia knows what she’s doing…”