//------------------------------// // Chapter 6. Eric Cartman Gets ANGRY at Twilight // Story: My Little Cartman // by Moon Flame //------------------------------//   “So, what you are saying is…?” Twilights eyes swam with hesitation. Starlight’s face grew serious while facing her former mentor.   “What I’m saying is that maybe being bad is what makes Cartman a good friend.” Twilight Sparkle had already introduced Starlight Glimmer to Cartman and told her about the various friendship lessons that she had him go through. It worried Starlight how different the things she heard Twilight say about him was from the things Kyle had told her earlier. Starlight studied Twilights hesitant look.   “You don’t agree.” Starlight concluded.   “I’m just not sure if being rude is what makes up a good friendship, despite I don’t think he is that rude.” Twilight said. Starlight leaned her head and took a glance across the other room. She saw Eric Cartman sitting at the end of a table, the same blank stare hovering on his face as when he met her before.   “Are you sure about that? He seems to be holding a lot inside if you ask me.” Starlight said.   “He’s probably ashamed about the thing that caused him to separate from his friends. You see Starlight, I talked to his other friend, Stan.”   “You mean the one that was turned into a pony?” Starlight asked.   “Yes. He told me that him and the others lost contact a while back, there seems to be a lot of tensions going on between him and Cartman right now. I believe, if we can ease up those tensions, both parties might be able to open up.”   “Hm.” Starlight mumbled.   “Despite.” Twilight continued. “With the arrival of his other two friends, bringing them together again is going to be a breeze.” Twilight smiled proudly.   “Of course, Twilight, I only hope that you know what you’re doing.” Starlight did not doubt Twilights ability to mend friendships, merely her disability to not get carried away in the progress of doing so. After the conversation was over Starlight and Twilight parted ways. Meanwhile, in the room next door, ways were about to be crossed. Kyle and Kenny entered the meeting room and caught sight of the meat mountain, his stomach barely fitting between the chair and the table. Sitting at the other end was an orange pony.   “Cartman?” Kyle asked.   “Hello Kyle.” Cartman said, sounding like he was announcing his arch enemy. His eyes were wide open with his mouth hanging, creating what could only be described as the blank stare of Eric Cartman. Kyle knew very well what the stare meant.   “Cartman. What are you doing here?” He asked.   “Doing? Whatever do you mean?” Cartman asked. Kyles face twisted in anger.   “Don’t play innocent. You’re up to something, I can see it.”   “Then what are you doing here?” Cartman asked.   “We’re here to get you the hell out, both you and Stan.” Kyle looked around the room. The orange pony tried not to look Kyle in the eyes. At that same moment the door to the meeting hall opened. Twilight Sparkle trotted inside. She carried a parchment and a quill with her horn magic. The orange pony festered his eyes on her as she sat down at the long side of the table. She had the quill note something in her parchment.   “And check. There, now we’re all here together!” Twilight exclaimed over-energetically while failing to connect with the others in the room. She turned her head and noticed the bewildered looks of the humans inside. “Oh, where are my manners? Sit down gentle colts.” Twilight offered politely. Kyle and Kenny sat down opposite of Twilight. To their right Eric Cartman was eyeballing the orange pony.   “Excuse me princess?” Kyle asked.   “Yes Kyle.” Twilight replied.   “I don’t know if you heard of him, but there is another friend of ours that is missing. His name is Stan.”   “Well, you don’t have to look far Jew.” Cartman said.   “I wasn’t asking you, Cartman!”   “If you ask him nicely maybe he could even take you for a pony ride.” Cartmans mouth rose whilst his eyes remained bland. “Ha…Hahahahahaha.” Cartman’s laughter was static and mean. It was the first time Twilight had heard Cartman laugh. A dark feeling of uncertainty slowly started to creep up on her. The orange pony grunted. Kyle didn’t understand the joke.   “Shut up fat ass!” Twilight smiled modestly.   “Alright boys. Obviously, there is a lot of small details for us to get our heads around here.” Twilight said diplomatically. She turned to Kyle.” That joke about your friend that Cartman made for example.”   “Whatever do you mean princess?” Kyle asked.   “Maybe Stan SHOULD bring you along for a ride?” Twilight joked, her mouth rising into a laughter. She made sure that Kyle saw her glance toward the orange pony in the room with blue mane. Kyle looked at the pony. The words of Demandora came back to him. You won’t recognize him other than through his voice. Kyle’s eyes squinted.   “Stan?” For a moment Stan looked uncertain at Kyle with his pony eyes. He raised his hooves.   “Alright Kyle. This isn’t how it looks.”   “It is exactly how it looks and you know it.” Cartman said.   “Fuck Stan, you’re a PONY!” Kyle exclaimed, his eyes widening in disbelief.   “Hubruluuuu!” Kenny blurted.   “Look here, I didn’t ask for this. I was turned into a pony by Cartmans crazy teacher after that break-in!” Stan pointed out. Kyles face contorted into a grin.   “And you’re naked.” Kyle started laughing. Kenny followed Kyle.   “I am not naked!”   “That wasn’t what you said last time Stan.” Cartman teased.   “Coat!” Stan pointed his hooves downward. “It is called, coat!”   “It doesn’t cover up everything Stan.” At this point Twilight could hold it no longer. Her giggling accompanied the laughter of the boys.   “Look Stan. The princess knows the truth.” Cartman said.   “It isn’t normal coat, its fluffy. FLUFFY coat! It covers up everything, look!” Stan got up from his chair. “Wo, wo, WO!” The boys in the room rapidly held their hands over their eyes. “Stan, what a hell! Nobody wants to see your dick!” Cartman blasted. Twilight pulled herself together and lectured.   “All over Equestria most ponies walk around bare coated. We are all used to it in public, mares and gentle colts.” Twilight let out the rest of her laughter at the last word. Stan looked in wonder at Twilight. To him, she felt like a new friend that he could lean on, an alternative to the falling apart that he felt was happening between him, Cartman and the others. Still, without taking out anything in advance, did he just feel a change in Cartman? Could it be that the tactics of the princess of friendship had actually worked?   “But how are we gonna make it home, and how do we turn Stan back into a human again?” Kyle asked.   “I say we find Demandora, force her to turn me back into human and bring us all back to South Park again.” Stan proposed.   “Right, and getting me expelled. Forget it, Stan.” Cartman said.   “Right, and your time as Demandoras student have opened you up so much!” Stans said sarcastically.   “Maybe it has.” Cartman said.   “Ever since you became shoe shiner for that emo bitch you’ve locked yourself inside a fantasy land Cartman!” Stan exclaimed. Cartman’s face contorted into incredulous laughter.   “Are you kidding me? Aren’t we all arguing inside a fantasy land right now!?”   “Stop bending my words Cartman, you know what I mean!”   “Give it a rest Stan.” Kyle said.   “What? And let Cartman win? I thought you had my back Kyle!”   “If Cartman wants to stay home and study than that’s his choice. It doesn’t mean that we’re not friends anymore.” Kyle said. Twilight Sparkle was sitting in the middle of the conversation table, wailing her eyeballs between each contributor. She reacted with interest at the information she just received, doing so by turning her concentration down at her parchment. Stan continued.   “Yes, I know Kyle. But friends still need to hang out sometimes, or else, what’s the point?”   “The point is, Stan, that you’re a jealous asshole who can’t stand that the fat kid in the group has a future.” Cartman said.   “Come on Cartman, you know that isn’t true.” Stan said. On the surface Stan was angry and hurt, but on the inside, he felt an old joy boil up. Finally! He is becoming himself!   “Look, guys. Maybe we should all just focus on getting home?” Kyle proposed. Stan turned his pony face toward Kyle, a face that was getting angrier by the second.   “That’s easy for you to say who aren’t eating with the same limb that also touches the ground.”   Kyle made an irritating breath. “Are you blaming me now?!”   “Yes, I am blaming you. Breaking into Demandoras office was your idea!”   “Come on Stan, how the hell was I supposed to know that Demandora was a unicorn in disguise, capable of turning a human into a pony and sending that pony into a foreign fantasy land, named Equestria?”   “You couldn’t, but I tried to tell you Kyle that Cartman wasn’t worth it!” Stan hoped that winding Cartman up a bit more would snap him out of his humble ways for good. Stan knew though that if he let himself smile he would blow the whole thing. He needed to keep up his mask of anger.   “That wasn’t how it sounded when you exposed yourself to the girls during that party Stan.” Cartman teased.   “Oh yea?! Why were you there then?” Stan asked.   “Me?”   “If Demandoras studies really are the path to glory like you claim, then what the hell are you doing here in Equestria?!”   “Right? So now you WANT me to study!?” Cartman was growing angry. Stans eyes grew large.   “No Cartman, I want you to FUCK me!” The faces of all the humans in the room twisted into disgruntled forms. Twilight made notes in the parchment with a smile on her face.   “What?” Cartman asked darkly. Stan looked at Cartman with challenging eyes while the turmoil spread through his mind. What the hell did I say that for?!  Cartman shook his head. “Oh my god. The Rainbow Dash folks has really gotten to you, have they?” Twilight turned her head away from her parchment, her face twisting in bewilderment.   “Heh?” She blurted. Stan shook his emotional face. “No…! I mean. Not in that way. I want you to fuck ‘With’ me.” Cartman’s face contorted into incredulous.   “So, there is a difference between fucking someone and fucking ‘with’ someone now eh, faggot?”   “Don’t call me that CARTMAN!” Stan empathized his name.   “Oh yes, STAN!”   “I’M NOT A FAGGOT!” Stan roared.   “BUT YOU JUST TOLD ME TO FUCK YOU!” Cartman roared.   “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!”   “WHAT ELSE CAN IT POSSIBLY MEAN THEN!?”   “CAN’T WE ALL JUST PLEASE FOCUS ON GETTING OUT OF HERE!?” Kyle roared.   “HURULUHUMM!” Kenny shouted. Twilight put down her parchment and spoke to the group.   “Alright people. I think it is obvious that we all have things that we would like to get out of our systems. But, like I always say: Friendship isn’t always easy, but there is no doubt that it is worth fighting for!” Twilight ended with a proud smile. Cartman looked at the princess. He nodded approvingly.   “Then maybe we should fight for ours?” Cartman looked at Stan. “Maybe we SHOULD fuck?”   “No, Cartman.” Stan shook his head. Cartman raised his voice, as if he wanted the entire castle to hear.   “Hey Stan! I heard that bestiality is good this time of year!”   “Quit it, fat ass!” Kyle scolded.   “Raise your tail boy! Let’s get rocking!” Cartman smiled meanly. He took a firm grip of the table and started rocking it.   “Stop it, Cartman!” Stan exclaimed.   “Come on Stan! Is my human dick to small!?” The rocking table sent wooden echoes outside the room.   “Oh my god!” Kyle exclaimed.   “Hurlumum!” Kenny wailed. Twilight raised her hooves into the air and exploded.   “ENOUGH!” Cartman stopped rocking the table. Everybody looked at the princess. “This is NOT what I meant with my analogy!” Somepony knocked on the door.   “Hello?!” Rarity addressed from the other side.   “Yes Rarity.” Twilight answered.   “I know that the mending of friendships is a long and winding one, but would you mind telling me what is going on in there?” The discussion had calmed down a little after that rocky start. Twilight closed her parchment and got up on her hooves.   “Alright. I am just going to have a talk with my friends and then we are all going to have a big bonding down by the cutie map. Don’t go anywhere boys.” Twilight made her way out of the meeting room and down the corridor. She found her friends waiting for her close to the entrance.   “Alright girls. Are you ready to meet the rest of Cartman’s friends?” Twilight was smiling with her ears happily piercing the roof. The faces of the other ponies contrasted the princess though. Pinkie Pie and Apple Jack scraped their hooves nervously against the floor. Fluttershy seemed to smile at first but gradually seemed to border with sadness. Rainbow Dash looked nervously down at the floor. Twilights face twisted in bewilderment.   “Is something wrong?”   “We have all been chatting bout that student of yours Twilight, and it just seem that…” Apple Jack hesitated.   “What Apple Jack is trying to say, Twilight, is that Cartman seems to be a little bit… What’s the right word?”   “…Mean.” Rainbow Dash ended. Twilight raised her hooves in a calming gesture.   “Alright girls, I know that Cartman hasn’t always said appropriate things…”   “…Because of misunderstandings.” Rarity put the words in Twilights mouth. “Yes darling, we remember too. What we are trying to say is that maybe our current analyses are of a more ‘General’ nature?” Twilight looked bewildered at her sulking friends. She festered her eyes at Fluttershy.   “Oh, I don’t know. I’m just a little worried what Harry told me about Cartman earlier.” Fluttershy referred to her bear. Fluttershy told Twilight about the events that took place inside her cottage. She told her what Harry told her: That Cartman purposefully wanted to raise questions either she loved Angel Bunny more than the rest of her animals. Twilight turned her eyes and festered them at Apple Jack.   “It aint so much what he said, but he seemed so ignorant when he said it, that’s all yao.” Apple Jack told Twilight about what happened during the dinner her family had with Cartman at Sweet Apple Acres. She told Twilight how Cartman, instead of explaining to Apple Jack what the words meant, just ran bluntly with the fact that his mother was being called a slut. Twilights face had started to gain a stale look, stuck somewhere between a smile and incredulous. She turned her attention toward the party pony. Pinkie Pie looked at Twilight with a sad face.   “I wouldn’t mind him so much as a party attendant, it’s just the way he treated that old friend of his and what he said about his nether regions. I just find it to be humiliating and mean, not at all like something a real friend would do.” Twilight and Pinkie Pie looked at each other for almost half a minute. A nod could almost be registered on Twilight before she turned to Rarity and Rainbow Dash. Rarity spoke with an edge in her voice.   “We all said things that we probably shouldn’t have said, and I can take a few misunderstandings and a awkward words, but whatever it was that Cartman meant by ‘Help, I am being rainbow dashed’ I have to say that it wasn’t just ignorant, it was downright hostile to transform my friends name into a statement like that! I mean, what are Rainbow Dash to him? A thing, an act?!” Rainbow Dash had her face turned downward. Rarity’s diva eyes sparkled emotionally at Twilight while she used her white hoof to streak it over her raggedy mane. Twilight turned around and faced away from her friends.   “Hm.” She mumbled in agreement. The others looked at her. “I see.”   “You see what we mean darling?” Rarity asked.   “I see that Cartman is far from perfect, but I also see that you are unwilling to give him a chance.”   “Now, don’t be like that Sugarcube.” Apple Jack said. Twilight turned around. Her eyes sparkled pleadingly.   “Before Cartman got here he had friends, but something happened to him that made him lose contact with them. If we all come together and show our best sides, then I am certain that…”   “Oh please, enough with this!” Rainbow Dash used her wings to hoover in front of Twilight. She pressed her hoof against her neck. “Stop cutting him so much slack Twilight! Can’t you see that he is playing you for a fool!” Twilights face remained reasonable.   “No, I can’t. But I can see how you told him to take his clothes of, even though humans are ashamed to be without them!” Twilight scolded. Rainbow Dash sighed.   “That’s because I didn’t know about their customs at the time Twilight. Do you know what Cartman did know at the time? I am willing to bet that he knew very well at the time that I am a MARE and not a COLT?!” Rainbow Dash pounced her hoof at Twilight every time she uttered a vocal. Twilights face twisted in anger.   “Well, maybe you should have told him then?!” Rainbow Dash raised her raspy voice.   “He is a secretive jerk and a liar Twilight! He is lucky I didn’t find him and gave him a smack after hearing from Pinkie Pie that he called me a ‘dude’ and a ‘pleasure guy’ at her party!” Twilight moved in on Rainbow Dash.   “Well, maybe he would open up if you stopped taking what he says so personally. He’s a child after all, A human child!”   “Personally!? May I remind you that he thinks that I have a…!” Rainbow Dash was interrupted.   “We won’t begrudge him for his shortcomings if he changes them Twilight, but maybe your takin this mission of yours a little too rushed?” Apple Jack said. There was a mumble of agreement among the ponies.   “Apple Jack is right. Maybe you should take it down a notch?” Pinkie Pie proposed. Twilights voice darkened.   “Right, take it down a notch. You would want that, would you?” The other ponies looked bewildered at the alicorn princess. “Here I get my very own mission from the cutie map for the first time since forever…”   “Your mission?! I thought we were in this together, as friends!” Apple Jack exclaimed. Twilight’s alicorn body shook with anger. Her angry face slowly softened into regret. She sighed and lowered her head.   “You’re right Apple Jack. I am sorry, I don’t know what got into me. All I ask of you is that you give me a chance and talk to Cartman. I won’t hold back about anything that you said to me if he becomes defensive. I promise.” Rarity walked up to Twilight.   “Of course, Twilight. We all have full trust in you to finish your mission your way, just promise to call us if you need help.” Twilight smiled while she realized that her friends had been honest with her, even though they knew it would be hard.   “Thank you, friends.” Twilight glanced over the others. “I don’t know what I would do without you.” Meanwhile, inside a meeting room some human friend was getting ready to wrap up.   “Aren’t you coming Cartman? We are heading for that cutie map room that the princess was talking about.” Kyle said while he was leaving the room with Stan and Kenny. Stan took a glance back at Cartman. He still wanted to gallop to him and see how much brute force his new pony body could muster. And yet, despite all that had been said, he felt a smile form on his face. He was careful though not to let Cartman see it. Finally, him and Cartman would banter like they always did. Finally, things would go back to the way they were before Cartman entered that stupid school. Cartman looked toward Kyle to answer him. He spotted something lying on the floor. He leaned his head.   “What is that?” Kyle looked down at the poster that he and Kenny had found nailed onto a lamp pole in South Park.   “Oh right. I forgot to show you Cartman.” Kyle picked up the poster and unfolded it. Cartman walked up to Kyle and studied a picture that seemed to be of Twilight and her friends. The title read in capital letters. MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC. It was surrounded by pink glitter. He saw the world premiere date set in a couple of days. It was rated 3 years old and up.   “The entire school have seen this Cartman.” There was a tinge of teasing in Kyles voice. Kyle didn’t wait for a response. He saw the others leave and followed. “We’ll be waiting for you Cartman.” The minutes went. Cartman’s eyes flickered while staring at the poster, clearly recently put up due to the holes in its corners, clearly showing himself dancing with cute little ponies, clearly sealing his fate of becoming the laughing stock of South Park and the entire world for the remainder of his school years. His eyebrows were lowered. His mouth flickered in an upset manner. The door to the room opened.   “Hello Cartman.” Twilight greeted her student.   “Sure?” Cartman mumbled.   “Sure?” Twilight asked.   “Sure, it wasn’t Human, Twilight?” Twilight put her hoof behind her neck.   “Yea. About that. I am sorry for…”   “You’re sorry?” Cartman asked.   “Yes of course…” Twilight hesitated. “I’m sorry…” Twilight was interrupted.   “Sorry for kidnapping me? Sorry that your friend called my mother a whore? Sorry that I was sold to that horny rainbow stallion?” Cartman held up the poster and showed it to Twilight. “Sorry for ruining my fucking life!?” Twilight felt her throat drop to her belly.   “I don’t understand.”   “You don’t understand?” Cartmans face became red. His eyes almost appeared to protrude from their sockets. “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!” Twilight could see that Cartman was angry and that he had the picture they took earlier in his hands. That was it, everything else eluded the alicorn. Twilight pleaded with a lowered voice.   “Cartman, calm down.”   “CALM DOWN!!? YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN AFTER KIDNAPPING ME!!?”   “Kidnapping you?”   “KINDNAPPING ME AND PUTTING ME THROUGH ALL THOSE LAME ASS ACTIVITIES JUST TO RUIN MY LIFE!!?” Cartman’s huge body seemed to almost swell up in his fury. His reddened head almost seemed to retract into his body.   “Cartman. I don’t understand why you’re so angry.”   “WHAT’S NEXT, A PONY MUSICAL!!? AM I SUPPOSED TO GET HUMILIATED ON STAGE NEXT!!?” Cartman walked closer to Twilight. Twilight backed away.   “Cartman, please…” Twilight tripped and crumbled to the floor. Cartman made imitations while wailing his arms in a girly way.   “Cartman please, Cartman please. Oh, Twilight PLEASE, YOU ARE A BITCH!!! A PURPLE, FLYING, CHILD NAPPING BITCH!!!” Cartman walked closer to Twilight as she laid in the corner of the room. Twilights horn sparkled while she tried to use her magic to push him away. It wouldn’t answer her in her frightened state. Twilight pleaded, her voice cracking more by every passing second.   “Cartman, please. Listen to me....”   “NO, NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME!!!” YOU ARE GONNA CANCLE THIS SHOW FOR GOOD AND REMOVE ALL THE ADVERTISEMENTS PUT UP, OR ELSE I’M GONNA COME BACK HERE, AND THEN I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!!” Twilight had yet to receive any information from Celestia about the planned My Little Pony Show. Cartman was now looking straight down at the alicorn like a mountain with eyes. Twilights empty mind came out as pleading.   “Cartman please, you’re scaring me.” Cartman lowered his voice.   “Oh, so you’re scared now?” Twilight nodded.   “There is no reason to be scared. Can I touch your wing?” Cartman didn’t wait for an answer. He took a firm grip around Twilights wing root and twisted.   “Ah.” Twilight moaned.   “There, there. I’m just getting to know you, that’s all.” Cartman bullied.   “Cartman please. Stop it. You’re hurting me.”   “Shhh, Shhh, there now. We have all day.” When Cartman said the phrase ‘All day’ He placed his hand inside Twilights mane and pulled. Twilight had her eyes closed while moaning in pain, hoping that everything would just end. And by everything, she meant everything. This day, this moon, this mission, her job, even her life. At this moment she did not just feel like a complete failure, she felt like trash, waste, the pavement street that ponies walk over. There was a sudden swoosh. Twilight felt the grip of Cartman loosen. She heard him gasp and hit the the floor. She opened her eyes. She saw Cartman rise with blood pouring out of his nose. Cartman looked at his attacker.   “Leave.” Rainbow Dash demanded.   “Are you here to rainbow dash me again?!”   “Leave!”   “No, Rainbow Dash.” Twilight pleaded.   “Shut up!” Rainbow Dash spat. “Leave!”   “THAT’S IT!!! IM GONNA KILL YOU ALL!!!” Cartman roared.   “Then you’ll better get on with it, because I seriously doubt you’d be able to, when I fly you far above the clouds and drop you, like the overfilled sack of potato you are!” Rainbow Dash had her wings open, ready for pounce. Her violet eyes, still remembering the image if Cartman mistreating Twilight, burned with fury. Rainbow Dash raised her hooves and slammed them against the floor, all while spelling.   “I… Said… LEAVE!!!”   “FINE!!!” Cartman roared. “I’ve had enough of this anyway! The birds, the parties, the girl music, the confetti belonging to the party of a five-year-old!” Cartman turned around. He pressed his fists together and closed his eyes. “BLUARUARUARUARUARUA!” He blurted. He pointed both his fingers skyward before turning both toward the door, all while saying: “Screw you guys, I’m a going home.” After Cartman had left Rainbow Dash lowered her wings. Her angry eyes slowly changed into regret. It suddenly hit her that she probably had botched the entire cutie map mission for Twilight.   “Twilight. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” But Twilight had already left. The long hallway echoed with the sound of Twilights hooves. Her lavender body sparkled by the patching moonlight coming from its large windows. Her cutie mark, which consisted of a pink star with several other white stars surrounding it, pulsated with a bright light. It kept flashing while she stopped walking. The pulsating sound was now accompanied by the dripping of something wet hitting the castle floor. Twilights sobbing filled the hallway. She crumbled down beside a stone pillar and started crying uncontrollably. Twilight was nothing more than a shaking patch of purple to the orange pony observing her. Stan’s mind, recently filled with joy that Cartman finally had become himself again, was now filling with something else. The careless words of Cartman still resonated inside his head while his pony eyes lowered in anger.