//------------------------------// // He's Bat! // Story: The Best of Friends // by SociallyAwkwardPegasus //------------------------------// The time was well into the evening as street lights began to glow dimly, illuminating the pathways of many Canterlot streets.   Most ponies around this time were retiring for the evening to spend time with family or friends.  Though every so often, a lone equine mulling about the street would do a double-take as they witnessed the resident human leading both Celestia and Luna through one of the many streets of Canterlot’s market district. “So tell us Eric, are we almost at our destination?” Luna questioned before nudging her side against her soon-to-be husband.  The mare was rewarded with a light ear scratch as the mare cooed softly from the human’s touch.  It was one of the aspects the princess adored about her friend and those useful appendages he called fingers. “It’s not too much further.  Just another few minutes and we should be there,” the human responded.  The calming noises of silence soon overtook the group as they continued on their way down a cobblestone path.  During this time, the human’s hand slowly traced up Celestia’s withers, massaging the spot gently with his fingers before bringing the mare close to his side.  After all, this trip was a chance for the three friends to relax and forget about the worries of royalty, if only for a couple of hours. “So Eric, what did you do today?” Celestia questioned, breaking the silence with an attempt at small talk. “Not much honestly.  You know the first part of my day, but after that I just went out for a few drinks with a friend to clear my head before hooking him up with a cute little mare.  After that I came back to the castle, scared one of your guards to the point he nearly pissed himself, and took a nap with Luna.  Oh, and I talked to Blueblood about our predicament.  He said I should talk to you because he thinks the nobles will try to pull something to nullify my prerequisites as a suitor or worse.”  Celestia rolled her eyes at the comment of frightening one of her guards, though nodded her head in understanding with a soft sigh. “I apologize for putting you through this again Eric.  If we had any other choice, believe me that we wouldn’t have pulled you into this mess,” the princess added with a gentle nuzzle.  Eric couldn’t help but smile at his friend’s words, returning the nuzzle with a stroke of the mare’s cheek. “There is no need to apologize Tia.  I know that you and Luna wouldn’t have dragged me into this sort of situation unless it was as a last resort.  Besides, I think this will sort of be good for me,” he added, surprising both the mares. “What do you mean by that statement Eric?” Luna asked, curious as to what her friend meant.  It took a few moments, but Eric soon found the right words to respond with. “Well, to be honest I have never really held much attraction towards anypony.  I mean don’t get me wrong, you are all really cute and adorable, but I just haven’t felt that connection of intimacy with any of you.  Granted it was something I have never really strived for, but this seems like a good opportunity to explore those possibilities.  And what better way to do so than with two of my best friends?”  Both Celestia and Luna were quick to offer the human another gentle nuzzle as they both realized how much out of his comfort zone Eric was going for the two of them. “Thank you Eric, for everything you have done for us so far.  We promise that you can take as much time as you need regarding our physical relationship,” Celestia responded. “Indeed Eric.  We are most gracious for all you have sacrificed for us.  Though we would suggest putting a limit on the last part of my sister’s statement.  After all, we aren’t getting any younger,” Luna playfully teased. “Luna!” Celestia all but yelled, though the younger alicorn couldn’t help but giggle from her older sister’s reaction. “Sister, you and Eric both know we were merely jesting.  We would not do anything of the sort without Eric’s complete consent.” “You mean like this morning when you were straddling me on your bed?” Eric quickly countered.  Luna’s cheeks soon turned a crimson red as she guiltily looked away from the human. “Again we apologize for our behavior.  It was a simple joke that got taken too far,” the younger alicorn responded.  The soft hand of her friend scratching behind her ears was confirmation to the mare that Eric held no ill will towards her. “I’m kidding Luna.  We already discussed this and I know you were only joking.  I don’t hold it against you,” Eric replied before stopping in front of a small stone structure.  The building had seen better days, as much of the masonry stones were either chipped or discolored from extended exposure to the elements.  Though overall, the structure looked sound. “This is an ice cream shop,” Luna was quick to point out as the three of them walked through the main door, a bell jingling to the owners that more customers were there to spend their hard earned bits on a refreshingly sweet treat. “Hello and welcome to Sweet Treat…” a bubbly mare started before growing quiet.  Eric knew this reaction was to be expected of most ponies in the presence of royalty, though he wasn’t prepared for the one that followed. “Honey!  Get your frosty flank out here!  We have special guests!” the mare boomed to her husband in the back of the store before rushing over and practically tackling the human around the midsection with a hug. “Eric!  I can’t believe you actually brought them with you!” the mare stated with an incredulous, but excited tone.  The human was quick to return the hug before the bubbly Earth-Pony mare separated from the human with a smile on her face.  It took a moment but the mare soon switched her attention towards both the princesses in the room. “And might I say what an honor it is to have royalty visit our shop.” the mare added with a courteous bow.  Both Luna and Celestia giggled at the mare’s enthusiasm before addressing their subject. “Please, there is no need for such a formal greeting.  Consider us just regular patrons of this fine establishment,” Celestia expertly replied.  The mare ceased her bowing before growing an ever large grin on her face again. “Thank you princess.  Oh, and before I forget, my name is Bubblegum.  And the slow stallion making his way from behind the counter is my lovely husband Frosty Flakes.”  A quick once over of the pink colored mare and her snowy white husband was more than enough to see why they were named as such. “Well as I live and breathe.  Royalty in our little shop?  Pinch me sweetie, I must be dreaming,” Frosty added with a quick bow and chuckle.  Bubblegum wasted no time in adhering to her husband's request before nipping his side, earning a soft grunt and flinch accompanied with another chuckle. “Well I can rightly say I am not dreaming.  Thank you for that sweetie,” the stallion replied before his wife planted a gentle kiss on his cheek. “So after all these years, you finally bring the princesses into our humble shop.  I must say that it took you a while,” Frosty playfully chided towards the human. “You know the schedule of royalty Frosty.  All work and no play.  Though I did manage to sneak them out of the castle for an hour or so.  Don’t tell their advisors though,” Eric countered before shaking the stallion’s hoof with his hand. “My lips are sealed,” Frosty replied, followed by a gesture of his hoof moving across his lips.  Seemingly satisfied with the answer, Eric followed the stallion to the side of the store where tubs of different flavored ice cream snuggled dutifully behind their glass prison. “Alright you two, get whatever you want,” Eric addressed the two mares.  Seeing as how both Celestia and Luna were on a diet, as mandated by their advisors to keep up appearances, they wasted no time in shuffling past the human with their noses planted firmly against the glass, scouring the rows of different flavored ice-cream and toppings.  The act was enough to bring a smile to the human’s face, knowing full well that one of the only weaknesses both princesses shared was their love for any and all things sweet. “Oh, they have banana flavored ice cream!” Celestia stated. “And look sister.  They have those gummy sharks we adore!” Luna followed.  As both mares continued to make their selection, a waffle cone slowly floated its way in front of the human’s vision. “One waffle cone with chocolate chip cookie dough ice-cream, the usual,” Frosty stated with a smile.  Eric could only chuckle as he grabbed his treat out of the air before making his way to the register. “Is this going to be all together hun?” Bubblegum’s sweet voice asked.  Eric nodded his head before pulling out two silver looking coins and handing them over to the mare. “This is for the three of us and we’ll call it even.”  The mare threw the bits into the cash drawer of the register before leaning over the counter and hugging the human once again. “Thank you dear.  You know we appreciate every extra bit we can make,” Bubblegum added before releasing her friend. “I know you two do.  Have to send your daughter to college and everything.  Speaking of which, how is she doing in her classes?” “She is doing quite well actually, though she is struggling a bit in her math.  She only has to make it through two semesters though, so I think she will be fine.  As for everything else, she is doing fantastically and is loving the college experience from what she tells us.”  The last statement from the mare brought another smile to the human’s face.  Their daughter, Laffy Taffy, was currently enrolled at the University of Canterlot for Fine Arts.  She was a musical theatre major with a heap of potential.  Unfortunately, the university's steep tuition costs had made it difficult for the family, though they were still managing. “Well i’m glad she is enjoying herself.  Like I said, my offer still stands.  I would be more than happy to help tutor her in math once a week if you would like.” “Hun, you know I couldn’t possibly ask something like that of you.  After all, you might not be royalty, but I am sure you are plenty busy with your work,” she countered.  Internally, Eric was chuckling from the statement made by the mare.  He actually didn’t do much of anything besides work on designs to recreate old technologies from his world.  It was a fairly good job in terms of pay, seeing as how everything he designs is patented in his name.  It was also one of the reasons why he had more money than he knew what to do with, and that was before marrying into royalty. “I honestly don’t mind Bubblegum.  Education is one of the most important gifts we can give our kids.  Besides, I would hate for her GPA to suffer because of some silly math course.  But like I said before, the offer still stands if you ever change your mind,” He finished with a lick of his ice cream.  By this time, Celestia and Luna were finally done with their selection as two waffle cones levitated in the air between the two sisters. “Wait, don’t tell me.  You got banana and almonds with… pound cake bits in the middle,” he guessed staring at Celestia’s cone. “And you got… triple chocolate chunk with caramel dressing and gummy sharks?” “I could have added pound cake?” the curious voice of Celestia questioned. “Indeed sister.  And you are correct Eric.  We do adore our gummy sharks and chocolate,” Luna replied before taking a few licks of her ice-cream.  The dark color of her treat had already begun to stain her lips and tongue a dark brown, and the human assumed it would only be a matter of minutes before she finished off her cone entirely. “Alright, let’s go find somewhere to sit.  Maybe near the back so nopony freaks out if they enter the store.” “That seems like a good idea.  Lead the way Eric,” Celestia commanded.  It took only a few seconds to make it to the back of the store and around the small bend.  Though when the human had an unobstructed view of his surroundings, a shit eating grin spread across his face. “Copper! What a wonderful surprise meeting you here?  I hope we aren’t disturbing anything?” Eric questioned his friend.  As soon as the trio of friends entered the store, Copper tried to keep a low profile as to not draw any attention to himself or his date.  However, luck always liked to screw with him. “Oh, Eric! I wasn’t expecting to see you here?” Copper stated with a mock smile across his face.  Copper knew that Eric was in too good of a position to let this opportunity slide by, so the stallion braced for the worst. “I hope you don’t mind, but could we pull a table together and join you two?  After all, ice-cream is much sweeter when eaten with friends.”  Despite how much he wanted to say ‘buzz off’, with the princesses by his side it would have been disrespectful to do so. “S-Sure buddy!  The more the merrier!” Copper added, though the fake smile on his face said only one thing to his date, ‘kill me’. “Splendid!”  Wasting no time, Eric pulled together another table and a few chairs before all five patrons were centered around a long table.  Suffice to say, the mood was awkward as the Earth Pony and Thestral grew deathly silent in the presence of the princesses, much to their displeasure. “Please, do not allow our company to dissuade you from conversation.  We are here to enjoy our sweets as any normal pony would,” Luna stated before taking an actual bite out of her cone and ice-cream.  How the mare managed to avoid a brain freeze, nobody would ever know. “Actually, I have a good topic we could all talk about.  Celestia asked me a question earlier, and I never quite expanded upon it.” “Oh, and w-what sort of question would that be?” the nervous voice of the thestral questioned. “Oh, you now.  Just the normal stuff about how my day went and what I did.  I told her I met up with Copper for a few drinks at the bar, but never expanded on the incident with the bartender.”  It was in that moment that the thestral’s face turned a pale white, along with a certain pony’s across from her. “Oh really now?  And what exactly happened with this bartender?” Celestia prodded, connecting the dots of who this mare across from her guard was. “Well, I ended up telling Copper about our little arrangement, because he is my best bro.  And apparently the bartender was eavesdropping on us and threatened to tell the press about it unless we left a good tip,” Eric nonchalantly replied. “That is very interesting to hear Eric.   After all, extortion is a crime punishable by up to ten years in prison or more if done to a member of the royal family.  So tell us, did this mare go to the press about our arrangement?” “I don’t think she did.  Besides, the two of us came to an understanding real fast.  I saw that she was making googly eyes with Copper so I figured I could use that to my advantage.  I ordered Copper to treat the mare to a lovely date.  You know,  restaurant, desert, the works.  Then after all that, I ordered him to take the mare back to her place and well… you get the idea,” Eric hinted, watching as the thestral’s face went from pale white to crimson red in under a few seconds. “Ah, I understand.  It is a noble deed you are making sir Copper.  We appreciate your diligence to duty and as such, you will be adequately rewarded for your services after your mission is complete,” Celestia stated with the same motherly tone she used with all of her subjects.  Both Copper and the thestral had their faces buried in their hooves from sheer embarrassment, but at the same time, the mare’s leathery wings began to twitch ever so slightly. “Anyway, you two should probably get going.  It’s getting late and you still have a mission to do.”  Offering a mock salute to his friend, Copper was quick to make his escape with the thestral hot on his heels. “I love messing with Copper.”  A light boop on the head caused the human to turn towards his friend while shaking her head. “As much as I appreciate you volunteering one of my guards for jobs, I think it would be best if you refrain from doing so in the future.  At least until you can be properly trained to give orders.”  Eric rolled his eyes at the alabaster alicorn, though nodded his head reluctantly. “Yeah, yeah, I know.  It was more of a wingman thing to be honest.  That, and the fact that I love seeing him flustered.  I mean, you have to admit, he looks downright adorable when embarrassed.”  Celestia could only shake her head as the three friends finished up their ice-cream and relaxed for the better part of half an hour. “As nice as this had been, I think it’s time we skedaddle.  Don’t want to keep Bubblegum and Frosty here any later than we have too.”  Rising from his spot at the table, the trio of friends put everything back the way it was supposed to be before heading towards the entrance to the store. “Thank you all for coming and I hope you enjoyed yourselves,” Frosty exclaimed to the departing customers.  Eric was quick to turn around and give the owner a thumbs up for both quality of food and service. “Everything was GRRRREAAAAATTTTT!”  Frosty rolled his eyes, as this had not been the first time the human had emphasized the word to him.  He figured it must have been a joke, but he didn’t really care. “So I take it that we are done for the evening?” Luna questioned her two compadres.  Despite the nap from earlier, Eric was feeling exhausted and it seemed that Celestia was faring none better. “Yeah.  I don’t know about you, but I could just pass out in bed right now.” “I would have to agree with you on that.  As much fun as this has been, I believe it is time to retire for the evening.”  Without a single warning, Celestia’s horn was enveloped in a golden aura before everyone was magically transported inside of Celestia’s chambers. “Damn, that still feels weird every time it happens,” Eric stated with a shudder.  Celestia offered him a small smile before turning towards her sister with a loving nuzzle. “Goodnight Luna.  I will see you in the morning,” Celestia said with a gentle kiss on the cheek.  Luna returned the nuzzle and kiss before doing the same to the human. “We bid you both a good night.  We will see you tomorrow.”  And with that, Luna vanished in a magical flash. “So, I take it you are heading to bed?” Eric asked, breaking the moment of silence.  Celestia could barely offer a response as she flung off her regalia and collapsed into bed. “I apologize Eric, but I do not think I can stay awake any longer… however,” the mare paused before shifting her full attention to her friend.  He was pretty sure he knew what she wanted, and he was more than happy to give it to her.  After all, having a cuddle buddy results in a much better brand of sleep according to the leading experts. “If you don’t mind having me Tia, I have no objections,” Eric answered.  Celestia let out a tired smile as her horn lit up with her golden aura.  Once again, the human felt the weird sensation of being teleported, though it wasn’t as bad as the first time.  However, he was now wearing nothing but his boxers with a pair of large white hooves wrapped around his torso. “You’re warm,” Celestia cooed, nuzzling her head into her friend’s back.  It was a bit strange to be honest, as most of the times he cuddled with Luna, she was the little spoon.  Though he didn’t object to being held by one of his best friends.  In fact, he could say it made him feel at ease, which the princess was more than aware of. “Goodnight Eric,” Celestia softly whispered, her horn glowing one last time before the candles in the room extinguished themselves.  Feeling the anchors of sleep take hold of him, Eric nuzzled his back against the mare with a gentle smile. “Goodnight Tia.”