//------------------------------//
// Chapter 3 Was it a right or a left at Albuqureque? 
// Story: A Collaberative Conundrum 
// by Not Professor Kokonoe 
//------------------------------//

For a moment as he walked into the throne room, the Prince and I stared at each other. As we were both standing, we could see each other in total. Shezmu stood over me by an inch or two, which was impressive given the only pony capable of matching my height was Princess Celestia, who I’d yet to meet. Either way, Shezmu and his guards were certainly impressive; even more so when they stood on their hind legs at a suspiciously close approximation of the U.S. Army’s position of attention. Their weapons, too, were curious.

In my six months, I’d done little in the way of research on the Sphinx, but from what I understood about the MLP world before I arrived, and from what I knew I’d done now, guns shouldn’t exist. If these Sphinx had guns, then it meant they were either extremely intelligent and innovative, or… something else: They might have a human of their own.

    If they did, I doubt they’d tell me. It was quite far-fetched, I thought, for another human to be in Equestria. But, if the portal I’d taken to get here was still active, then perhaps it didn’t just send humans to Equestria.

    “Now, just look at who we have here, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza...” he motioned with a paw at me while facing the aforementioned ruler. “It seems that we might all have a chat together and we won’t have to go over things twice.” He chuckled lightly to himself with a slight malevolent tone as he started pacing about lazily. “Though I’m sure you have some sort of meeting room in which we can all sit comfortably. The throne room is quite awe inspiring but a bit lacking in seating.”

    Cadence and I glanced at each other. In that brief moment of eye contact, I got the impression that she didn’t quite trust this Prince Shezmu. Neither did I, to be honest. I knew nothing about him, or even that he existed until the guard came to get Armor and I, so there was no reason to pay any undue trust to someone who was essentially a stranger. That said, he was a noble and any lack of trust wouldn’t prevent any of us from giving the Prince any less courtesy.

    Cadence looked back to Shezmu, and smiled. “But of course, Kha Shezmu. If you would simply follow me, we could get settled in the Crystalarium.” Cadence got up from her throne, and Shining Armor followed her down the steps.

    I briefly reminisced about the day I came from the hidden passage beneath the throne, and the look on Cadence’ face still gave me a little something to smile about. That bit of mirth died as I followed the gaggle of royalty off to wherever the ‘Crystalarium’ was.







    With a grin I followed the Crystal Monarch down a short hallway to the fancy meeting room. Though, as we passed back through the throne room doors I had noticed that Shining Armor held back with a pair of guards flanking him. Seeing that it was just me and Cadence walking side by side I signaled my own pair with my tail to hang back as well. Though whether Shining Armor or the human noticed was of no real concern.

    “Soooo… Princess. I couldn't help but notice that though you rule an empire, yet you are not referred to as an Empress. It took a few years to be quite familiar with your language so this doesn’t add up.” I smiled innocently looking at her with my head tilted ever so to the side as she looked up at me with a raised eyebrow. She had a look on her face that wasn’t quite shifty before comprehension replaced it as she had a little realization.

“Oh, I must apologize. You just speak Equestrian so well it slipped my mind for a moment that you are from a whole different continent.” She said. I gave a quick glance to the hallway as she motioned for me to follow her and turn at an intersection I had walked past earlier to get here. “Well, foremost I am the Ruler of the Crystal Empire, but I am also a Princess of Equestria.”

    I kept my attention mainly focused on her so I was able to keep my ear from twitching as I heard one my guards’ claws clack against the crystalline floor. I could guess that since ponies evolved fromprey animals and that there were no Lunar Pegasi to be seen,none would realize that my guard was marking our path as we travelled and building a map in their heads. I nodded my understanding to Cadence, prompting her to continue.

    She took in a breath before speaking, “I don’t know the extent of your knowledge of the history of the Crystal Empire but before I became the ruler here there was an Emperor by the name of Sombra. After I ,with the help of others, dethroned him I took his place. Not wanting to be connected to him in any way, I decided to keep the title of Princess to, at the very least, seem less imposing to my subjects.”

I nodded my understanding and smiled genuinely at her. “That makes perfect sense. No need to cause unease amongst the people who chose you.” I said.

We were coming up to the end of the hallway, and as I looked forward I saw a rather ornately decorated set of doors that were only slightly less impressive than the throne room doors. “I guess that would explain the statue of a dragon I walked past earlier to get to the palace. Though I do have one quick question before we get started.” I said. She looked to me, likely expecting another question about the Empire itself. “As I am sure that you have noticed, we are a bit… larger than you ponies, and I wonder as to what the seating arrangement will be like. The seats on the train were… cramped.”

    Cadence giggled lightly, covering her mouth with a hoof. “Don’t worry. The table is lined with cushions, not chairs. Fairly large, plush, and comfortable cushions. Delegations and the like sometimes tend to drag on, and I do appreciate the more comfortable seating arrangement when they do.” I let a sigh of relief escape audibly as I was not looking forward to sitting on a stone chair after sitting on a cheap bench for so long on the way to the Empire.

    A cyan glow emanated from Cadence’s horn as the door opened which got me to raise an eyebrow at that. It got me wondering if it was opened via signal or if she just pulled it open from the inside to make the presentation that much more entertaining. Following her in, I took a look around the room before walking over to the large window and looking out to see a view of almost half the city. Not bad. If the Palace wasn’t such a massive target I would steal this design idea in a heartbeat.

    Cadence and Shining Armor made their way over to a pair of cushions, and sat down with her husband, who took the cushion to her right. She then called out to me to sit opposite her while the two Crystal Guards that flanked us on the way here closed the door and took up position at the entrance. This, to my slight chagrin, did not go unnoticed by my guard for Mereneith did not yet have the discipline to let it go unchallenged. I gently  batted at her tail to steal back her attention and, and I motioned for her to have a seat to my left. During that exchange, I noticed that Khama’at removed her pack and set it down ather side before pulling out a small sack. With a muffled clack she sat it down on the table before sitting down to my right while sliding the pack back on.





    As one of the sphinx guards fiddled with their pack, I opted to sit on Cadence’s left side. As the first few seconds after everyone took their seats was filled with a rather tense silence, I made eye contact with Shezmu, and smashed that silence with a question.

    “So. I noticed your guards don’t carry more… conventional weapons. If you don’t mind me asking, where did you get them from?” I said. It was a rather obtuse question, but I think I did fairly well in the heat of the moment. As a technologist, it certainly wouldn’t be out of the blue for me to ask that kind of question, anyways. One of Cadence’s rear hooves struck out at my knee, landing with a soft thunk beneath the table. It didn’t hurt, but it did get my attention.

    We exchanged a glance, and she turned back to Shezmu and smiled sheepishly.

    “My Apologies, Kha Shezmu. Not many outside the borders of Equestria even know that Sphinx exist, let alone how you protect yourselves. Though if you don’t mind answering that I share Stefan’s curiosity.”

    He looked towards me, grinning before returning his full attention back to the Princess. “Not to worry at all, your majesty. I’m sure you Equestrians are curious about us and what we carry in some form or another. Our young were especially curious as well.” He made a motion to the Sphinx guard to his left , prompting her to practically leap to her hind legs with her forelegs to her sides, head and eyes forward, looking at nothing specifically.

    “The M-8RR is a 5.7 mm, cylinder fed, paw-operated, air-cooled, single-fire, hand-held, shoulder-fired weapon. It has an effective range of 250 meters with a maximum range of 2000 meters.” He nodded, and motioned for her to sit down.

    The male sphinx was about to say something, but stopped before slapping his face with a paw. “My apologies Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. I forgot that you all use Equestrian Units here.” He tapped at his chin before snapping his fingers. “Oh! Just multiply meters by 3 and that would get you feet. We use a different system of measurement, like the Minotaurs.”

    The spiel at the beginning left the two pony royals confused, and Cadence gave me a look as if to ask ‘Do you have any idea what he’s talking about?’ To which I responded with a slight nod and nothing more.

    The uncanny similarity between that little speech and the US Army’s diatribe about its own weapons left me sure of one thing: This Prince Shezmu knew a human. Not just any human, either, but one with military training, who was also from the United States. I felt my heart race with excitement, and it took a moment for me to refocus on the conversation in front of me as the realization came and went.

    “I won’t pretend I understand any of what you just said, but maybe we could arrange an agreement to share this kind of technology in the future. Has it been tested on the battlefield yet?” Armor asked Shezmu, his brow furrowed.

    He started laughing covering his mouth with a paw to hide his teeth, and it quickly sounded more and more evil before he managed to gain control of himself. “My own apologies once again. I just couldn’t help myself despite knowing that you do not know my family or anything about me.” He cleared his throat before continuing though the mirth still visible on his features. “Yes. It has been tested on the battlefield and quite extensively at that. I would shudder to think what my mother would do if I did not use weapons for war with her blessing for in our lands Sekhmet, my mother, is the Goddess of War, Fire, Fertility, and Healing.”

    He reigned his expression in, and the guards flanking him tensed for a moment before they all relaxed back to how they were before as he continued. “But as far as us giving you this kind of technology would, at this point in time, not be in my best interests. Which, I guess, is a good segway into one of main reasons why I am in Equestria, period.” With a slight shift in posture and demeanor he looked just as imperious as Princess Luna is often described. “I am here to explore the Equestrian lands and experience the culture of its people to see if bringing our lands together would result in true acceptance and harmony.”

    “Uh, what do you mean ‘bringing our lands together?’ Is that by diplomacy, or by taking over Equestria by force? You know that isn-” Armor paused as Cadence sent a hoof his way, striking him on the flank. He gave her a hurt look in response, but shut his mouth.

    The cold stare she shot at Shining Armor made sure that he would drop that particular subject and reminded him who exactly was the one who sat on the throne. She too shifted her stance to look the part of a ruler of an empire while crossing her forelegs in front of her on the table. “You must forgive my husband. As I’m sure many outside the borders of Equestria may know we for the past several years have been plagued by one world ending threat after another. It is his embedded guard mentality that sometimes gets him to be quickly mistrusting of others. I hope you understand that what he meant was not hostile but, for us after all these events, casual suspicion.”

    Light giggling was the general response, andeven the guards looked amused by what Shining Armor had said. “No ill will taken at all. I understand that even a Changeling Queen by the name of Chrysalis caused a small issue not that many months ago. A few years ago we had some minor issues with a hive that had been there for a few centuries. I, thankfully enough, was able to personally handle that situation.” He had finished that statement with a large predatory smile showing off every sharp tooth he could as his guards sat a little taller and their heads a little higher.

    I wondered whether his ‘handling’ was something entirely savoury. By his tone, and his expression, I could tell that he’d probably done something like genocide, or worse. This Shezmu was turning out to be quite the naughty boy, indeed.

    “I thank you for your understanding of our situation here. We too in Equestria, for the moment, no longer have issues with changelings. In fact they were reformed here in our lands and have mostly kept to themselves ever since but are keen in learning what else friendship can do for them. Though if you don’t mind me being a bit vain I would love for you to stay a few days here in the empire. Love and Harmony has flourished more than our tourism if you could believe it. You would be welcome here in the castle, or I could even arrange for you to stay in one of the best hotels around if you would like that more.” She smiled softly.

    “I would greatly appreciate your generosity and stay here in the castle. Though I see how much your people love and care for a dragon I think easing in a few Sphinx would be best as opposed to just sitting us right next door to them. While we don’t share a dragon’s ability to eat crystals and the like I’m sure us not being heroes would cause some unneeded unrest.” He then comically gasped placing a paw on his chest. “Where are my manners? Please let me repay your generosity with my own.” He then grabbed the bag that was set on the table and started pulling ornate looking bottles made of gems and adorned with gold pushing them across the table. “While I may be the god of Butchery, Blood, and Execution first I am also a god of Wine, Perfume and Celebration.”

    “In the ruby bottles are wines made in my honor by my worshipers. In the topaz bottles are ones I developed myself.” He leaned in a bit and made a play at stage whispering. “Those ones are extra strong with no loss in flavor or extra bite in alcohol. My mom loves them.” He then leaned back and started pulling out a few more bottles. “In the other bottles are perfumes that I and my worshipers consider our best. While I’m sure you have such things here already please accept them nonetheless.” He then singled out a bottle made of diamond and silver that had a slight glow when in the shadow of his paw. “This one is scented to match what we now call the Sphinxian Lotus. I have yet to see it anywhere else on this world and it is greatly coveted by the people of our lands because of it. In my travels I have seen that some ponies eat flowers so I hope it smells as delicious as we hold it dear to our hearts.”

    “Of course. I will hold onto these gifts and use them as appropriate.” After that she had made a motion with her hoof as she tapped at the table and the guards opened the doors. “If you do not mind we have been going over a few weighted topics and it has been a while. I would like to invite you to take a small recess should you need to stretch your legs and walk about.” She then stood, encasing the bottles in her magic as she made her way out the door, the bottles following her in her wake.






    Armor and I looked at each other, and then to the door where Cadence just left. We shrugged, and Armor followed his wife. Instead of leaving immediately, I stood and nodded to Shezmu.

    “It was good to make your acquaintance, Kha Shezmu. Hopefully the Empire and your people can set off on the right foot.” I said. “If you need anything from me, I’ll be around.”

    “Oh don’t you worry…” He smiled slightly, the pitch of his voice deepening with each word. “...Neither of us will be getting very far for now. Ahahahaaha….” he then turned about to face the guard on his right speaking in a language I couldn’t understand.

    “Oh, my…” I said, doing my best impression of George Takei. After a moment spent listening to the exchange of foreign words, I turned and followed Armor and Cadence. They both stood outside, whispering furiously.

    “Ah, there you are, Stefan. Let’s go to the sitting room and have a chat.” Cadence said, turning to her left and flicking her tail in annoyance. Pony body language sometimes eluded me, even though it turned out to be rather similar to that of Earth’s equine analogues. I’d never spent much time around the animals, so though I may have known a bit, it still took a bit for me to parse through what was essentially an entirely foreign language. Cadence’s short canter and clipped tone, though, gave away her irked mood quite easily.

    Once we got to the sitting room, Cadence shut the door behind Armor and I, and pulled up two chairs across from a third. She sat in the third, and motioned for us to sit across from her. Armor and I did so trepidatiously, shooting each other a look before Cadence released whatever storm of frustration she had built up.

    “I love you, Shiny. I love you so much. I just… I want you to know that before I say anything else.” Cadence said, inhaling and exhaling in a measured manner. “You didn’t see what he did before you both showed up. He pulled King Sombra from whatever version of Tartarus he’d been banished to and-and slaughtered him! Right in front of me! And then you think it’s okay to poke the bear?! I love you, but sometimes you’re the most thickheaded lunk I’ve ever met, Shiny!” She took a breath, and deflated like someone took a needle to the balloon that held her anger. She held up a placating hoof. “Now, I know neither of you were there for that, but… It stands to reason that you shouldn’t accuse foreign nobles of plotting to do something as absurd as invading Equestria even if that sort of thing has happened before. Those were extenuating circumstances, and we really shouldn’t be expecting that of everyone.

    “I don’t trust him either. But, at least I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt before I go and make those kinds of assumptions.” Cadence finished, and Armor and I sat there, silent.

    “Hey, look, all I did was try to break the silence. I’m sorry if my question was inappropriate or something, but… are you even angry at me? ’Cause you forgot to mention what I said at all.” I said, leaning in my chair and resting my chin atop a fist.

    “You… I can’t even. Just do us a favor and keep your mouth shut, Stefan.” She said.

    So, I did. All the way through the meeting, I refused to speak, even on matters Cadence tried to hand off to my expertise. I pushed her nearly to her breaking point, right up until the meeting ended and I left for my quarters.







    I was laying on my back in the bed that was provided for me in the castle guest quarters while going over the small important details of the conversation in my head not quite able to let the comment about me invading go. Outwardly I was doing nothing more than tossing a ball of yarn around much to the irritating distraction of my Guard Captain since I was using her lap for a pillow while she was going over paperwork. “Mereneith.”

    She was over and at my side before the ball landed back in my paw her, freshly cleaned and reassembled weapon in one paw as she stepped out of the bathroom fresh from a shower. “What is it Boss?” Much like Khama’at she was out of her armor though chose to put on a deep purple robe like garment that reminded me of the kalasiris that was commonly worn by Earth’s equivalent being held up by straps to make room for wings. Though Khama’at chose to forgo clothing both of them still had their circlets on.

    “Before Stefan arrives give me a report on how you would assault the Castle.” This gave the both of them pause though I continued to toss the ball up, but it never quite reached the ceiling of the apartment sized room. Khama’at looked down at me her eyes narrowed as she had an eyebrow raised. Mereneith on the other hand looked as if I asked her what the ingredients of a Red Velvet Key Lime pie were. “... Yes. This is somewhat of a test, but I just want to hear your thoughts on it.”

    “Well… Uh.. What are the starting conditions?” She asked nervously as she ran over to her pack and pulled out a chalkboard and quickly started sketching out the city from the quick flyby both of them did not that long ago.

    I smiled as I turned my head and saw her taking it serious and already asking one of the right questions before turning my attention back to the ball. “You’ve got all of the M’kit-Mau at your disposal and you are all inside the barrier for sake of argument.” She nodded her understanding and quickly started marking points on her makeshift map.

    “First thing I would do is wait several hours after nightfall since from what reports were handed out before arrived said that most ponies are diurnal. I would then have Cheetah Squad set off explosives near the edge of the city and proceed with hit and run tactics of starting fires to get as much of the Crystal Guard as possible after them and incite panic. Since they are our fastest and would have a higher chance of staying out of harm's way. I would then have Panther Squad move on the ground to the castle since they are our stealth squad, and their low numbers would be able to move faster unnoticed while they travel in the shadow of the palace itself.”

    She held up her chalkboard to show me a rough representation of the routes the two squads would be using, and I motioned her to continue. Khama’at looked down at me over papers to give me a smug grin causing me to roll my eyes. “Tiger Squad will set up spread out on several roof tops and will quickly begin sniping any and all high value targets moving constantly to avoid detection as best as possible. Lion Squad will act as ambushers by splitting up into two teams since they are the largest. Gold team will assist Cheetah by taking out the stragglers that would be chasing them around before relocating to another ambush point. Black team will assist Tiger by patrolling the ground around them so they don’t get snuck up on.”

    Her chalkboard was now a near incomprehensible mess of arrows, circles, crossed out locations, and what look like exit routes. I smiled at her and tossed the yarn ball at her to catch. “Good job kitten for coming up with that on the spot.” She smiled slightly as she mumbled to herself that she was over a month older than me as I turned my attention back to my captain. “Ok… You were right. With the proper training and study, she will be a master tactician.”

    It was only a few moments later and there was a knock at the door and Khama’at quickly stowed away her paper work. Even though Mereneith was hopelessly tangled in the yarn she still hopped up and took up position in a blind spot rifle at the ready. Once Khama’at nodded at me after closing up her pack I spoke out. “Who is it?” I asked knowingly as I stretched myself out across Khama’at’s lap on my belly.

    “It’s Stefan. May I come in?”

    “Of course since you asked so politely. It would be odd if I merely sent you away after asking you to come visit with me.” I decided to up the silliness that the image of this room would make by grooming my forelegs while Mereneith lowered her weapon and went to attempting to free herself from the yarn entangling her. This of course got Khama’at to face palm in exasperation.

    The door opened, and the human stepped in, closing it behind him. He stood there for a moment, a blank expression on his face. I assume it took him a moment to fully comprehend what exactly was going on on the bed, but stood there for even longer as his eyes caught sight of Mereneith entangled in a ball of yarn.

    “I’m sorry, but is this a weird fetish party or something? Not to be rude, of course, Your... Grace.” Stefan said, his expression now satisfyingly bemused.

    I smiled covering my mouth as I chuckled turning my head to look up at Khama’at’s nonplussed expression then to Mereneith’s complete mortification before laughing harder. After collecting myself I rolled off my captain’s lap landing on all fours and stood to face the human. “Of course it is. What else would I be doing with my harem?” A shit eating grin on my face.

    I moved over to him and held out a paw to shake hands knowing full well my captain was wondering if a bullet to the back of my head would kill me. “No need for such formality though. I am not royalty at all. A best I would be considered a governor or director.”

    “Well, then,” He said, as he grasped my paw with a hand, and we shook. His grip was paltry compared to my own, but I couldn’t quite use the entirety of my strength for fear of piercing his hand with my claws. “I suppose we should do away with formalities and get to the meat of this issue.” I released his hand, and he crossed his arms. “Where’s your human at?”

    I saw Mereneith, after managing to free her head and forelegs, tilt her head to the side and looked at Stefan in near bafflement. “Why would we have a human? I never heard of one before we got to Equestria.” I raised my paw to cut off any more commentary from the two and motioned for Stefan to leave the room. The headache of having to come up with some riddle to erase their memories of that forming.

    “Why don’t we go for a walk? I’m sure you have more than just that question to ask and I feel like stretching my legs. I’m sure there is a garden or something we could have some privacy.” For a bit of emphasis I extended my claws on the paw I was holding up to show him out of the door.







    Shezmu avoided my question quite smoothly, but he was right: I had plenty of questions for him. For such a wealthy nation as the Kingdom of the Sphinx, they seemed to be especially insular considering the lack of anything but the barest reference to their existence in most of the books I’d read on Equestrian history. They were noted as a good source of luxury materials, and nothing more than that. As we made it to the gardens’ level, which was essentially a ring-shaped platform left open to the air that wrapped all the way around one of the lower levels of the Palace, we were walking in a slightly awkward silence.

    I intended to keep it going for as long as possible, perhaps to see if I could get any closer to an answer to the question Shezmu avoided earlier. I had no doubt that my plan would probably fail, but I tried anyways.

    “You know two can play this game and the longer you stall the longer you go without answers.” He eventually said as he turned his head to face me with a smirk.

    “Okay, then. Answer my first question: Where’s your human?” I said, my jaw set. He might’ve been a massive magical winged death machine, but I couldn’t afford to be intimidated.

    He chuckled again lightly as he stretched his neck out then one wing after other before replying to me, “We don’t have one.” The sounds of his joints cracking sounding like bones snapping.

    “So how did you learn all this shit? Do you expect me to believe that it was just happenstance that you created guns when no one else even thought of gunpowder beyond anything  recreational? Not only that, but your guards! They act like US Army soldiers. It’s all there, and if you don’t actually have a human, then… Maybe you have a way home?” I said. With my last question, I let a little more longing seep into my voice than I’d intended. Just the mere thought of returning to Earth was enough to prompt the question, no matter how ridiculous it sounded.

    It was at this point he moved in front of me and slowed to a stop along a wall of roses and plucked one examining it casually though it was obvious his demeanor was much more serious. “In order of them being asked… How did I learn what exactly? The Storm King to the south has airships mounted with cannons and harpoon launchers. My guards are not acting.” He then turned to face me and let out a long breath out his nose not even paying attention to the rose he was spinning about his paw. “I don’t. If I did I wouldn’t have ever came here. I’ve been here for almost two decades after all. I was saving this place as a last resort initially before I heard about you.” He placed extra emphasis on the last word by pointing the rose flower first at me.

    “Wait.” I held up a finger, attempting to process exactly what Shezmu just said. It was a theory I’d considered, indeed, but I’d deemed it too absurd to lend it much credence. “You’re the human? That’s fucking-” I stopped myself for a moment, my mouth working with disbelief. “That’s dumb. How? How’d you even get here? When did you leave? I-I’ve got so many more questions, but… let’s just go with those, for now.”

    He nodded his understanding all the posturing and double meaning he had been using before gone. “Yes I am.” He then put the rose behind his ear as he walked over to a water basin and looked over his reflection. “I have no idea how I got here but It was Veteran’s Day 2017 around 6 in the evening.” He then adjusted the flower a bit before smiling and removing it before playing with it again absent mindedly. “Don’t worry. I’ve got time to answer them. As far as I know I’ve got another 3100 years left in me.”

    “Well, I got here via a magical portal I found while hiking. Touched it, and wham! Here I am. Well, I ended up in a passageway somewhere inside a pocket realm inside the Crystal Palace, but… Yeah.” I paused, stroking my chin. “Found the portal thing the same day as you got sent here, too. Fuckin’ Christ, man.”

    He grinned, “You leave my son out of this.” They then sat down and leaned back against the basin and started tossing the rose up and caught in his other paw only to begin repeating the motion. “Well I guess that confirms a suspicion I had or makes it more complicated. Magic, am I right? Because I’m quite sure I died in order to get here. I was bleeding out in the back of an ambulance one moment then falling out of Sekhmet’s vagina the next.”

    “Falling out of- Fuck, dude, I don’t think I’d wanna survive that experience. You remembered it all, even when you were a kid? Wonder how that even works, considering the lack of a properly developed brain, but it’s probably something to do with magic.” I said. He shrugged and nodded in response though the grin he gave me let me know he wasn’t going to apologize for that mental image. “So. What’s your plan now that you’ve met your fellow man? You just gonna go back to the Sphinx land, live out your life?”

    He raised an eyebrow at me while giving me a flat look. “Why would I do something so boring? I may have not been that far off from a nursing home but retire? Fuck that. I’m going to do what I was planning on Earth. Since I have drastically more time and a place of worship among my people I’m just gonna take over the world and then leave. I always wanted to see a black hole up close and then hock a loogie in it just to see what happens. But, In the meantime while I’m here in Equestria I might as well pay Hitler--I meanCelestia a visit.” He shrugged at the end and tossed the rose at me. “However. I have a question of my own. Do you really want to go back to Earth and if and or when you could, would you?”

    I shot out a hand to catch the rose, gently so that it didn’t stick my palm. “I don’t know, honestly. I’ve started getting used to Equestria, but I wouldn’t mind seeing my family. Part of my research is on getting home, but I haven’t found much of anything useful in that regard.” I shrugged. “At this point, all I can do is cross my fingers and hope it’s not a one-way solution. I like where I am with the ponies, but… I still miss home, y’know?”

    He nodded solemnly as a sardonic smile made its way on his face, “I do. I’m sure my mom and family was… are… will…, eh, devastated. Dying gave me a 17 year head start to your few months. Who knows how time is working with that one.” He shrugged again looking about the area. “Well I know you thought of it or maybe you didn’t because I don’t know if you watched the show but there is Sunset Shimmer. Not much of a lead but it is a start. For all I know she could be some random ass alicorn of deus ex machina or fucking Starlight Glimmer ascends later on. This place has been changed permanently since we got here so as far as I’m concerned everything and anything is up for grabs now.”

    “You’ve got so much time on your hands that it doesn’t even matter what happens, I think. As Cadence told me, ascended alicorns like herself and Twilight live just as long as normal ponies, so whatever ascending they do will be moot.” I paused, collecting my thoughts. “I tried to get some information on the portal Sunset uses to get to the other human world, but all of it was either excised from the texts in the library, or, I suspect, locked up in some secret library by the Equestrian Diarchy. Maybe we’ll have to hit Hitlestia up someday about that, but I doubt she’d give us any straight answers. There’s got to be some reason she’s hiding the information now, and I’m not exactly sure she’ll be willing to give it over to us just because of our… predicament.”

    He looked at me as if a bush would be more insightful and raised a paw above his head making a whooshing sound. “Talk about missing the point. Fuckin’ a. It’s not that they are alicorns shit head. It’s what they would represent as said alicorn. Twilight for example. Magic. Straight up. She does it all no matter the classification. I’m sure the neurotic sperglord could come up with something if you keep her away from books.” He then focused his attention back on me. “As far as that pastry killer Celestia goes I have plans set up for that one. She can’t hide anything that we already know. You should know by now that this world more or less branched off the show’s canon after the end of season six where we find ourselves now but for the most part has been spot on. Unless you’re fucking retarded or someshit. Either way in a couple of days I’m out of here and going to meet with her and Luna. I’m sure the latter may have tried entering my dreams by then.”

    “Heh. She’s never been in mine, something to do with my magical resistance. Maybe I should take the trip with you, since I’ve never been to Canterlot. Hell, maybe I could go back to the Sphinxian Kingdom with you and see the sights.” At the mention of ‘sights’ the image of a certain sphinx being born popped back into my head. I nearly burst out laughing as I imagined a giant, six-legged vagina popping out the massive sphinx before me. I couldn’t imagine one of those running a country, though. “If you’ll have me, that is?”

    “HA! GAAAAAAAAAYYYY!” He lowered his paws down from his mouth and shrugged. “I don’t care one way or another. Do what you want. You want to come with me to Canterlot then do it. You want go to my city then do it. One word from me and you’ll be drowning in pussy… Literally and figuratively. I don’t give a fuck. I have my own agenda which may include the extinction of the pony races. I don’t even know at this point.” It was at that point he stood back up on all fours and started walking back the way we came waving to me over his shoulder. “Now if you don’t mind there’s a couple of absolutely gorgeous dames waiting for me and I feel like being fed grapes while being massaged.”

    The casual mention of genocide left me wondering whether or not Shezmu was actually serious or not, but I quickly threw that thought aside: he seemed like a less than serious person, all things considered. I, admittedly, had no grand ambitions or plans beyond establishing my life in Equestria and living it to its fullest, so the thought of world domination wasn’t something that was on my mind at that moment.

    “Alright, well. I’ll leave you to it, then.” I said, nodding to him. Even in revealing that he was human, I still wasn’t sure if I could trust him. Only time would tell, but for tonight… the company of a mare would suffice.