"And that's why you never use yer own fertilizer for growin' local crop!" Applejack smiled proudly. "Turns out, if you ingest the fruit harvested from the land, you stand to risk ringworm infection!"
"Ah jeez..." Stu Leaves coiled his wings tight. "I was foaled up in the clouds. We don't get worms up there."
"Hrmmff. Consider yerselves lucky."
"However, we do get the feather flu and wing-rot." He gulped. "Nasty stuff."
"Anyways, back to apples."
"I thought we were talking about fertilizer and worms."
"It's all apples," Applejack said firmly. "One way or another, it's all about apples."
"Heh... I hear you."
"So... you can lend locally... uhm... 'collected' fertilizer to other parts of Equestria and the farmfolk there will be able to grow and harvest with it just fine. But you dun ever wanna mix local fertilizer into yer own soil. A proper biologist might be able to explain it. Somethin' to do with 'magical acclimation' in conjunction with one's own immune system, I suppose. It's a long-winded explanation."
"And you like to do. Not talk."
"Right. So, anyways, mule and cow fertilizer is a completely different story. I dunno if it's because we're all different species or what, but you can toss that around like it's no big deal and you can grow your apple trees up right quick!"
"Just pinch your nose shut while you do it!"
"Heheh... darn tootin'. Zap-Apples? That's a different story. They dun respond to any natural fertilizer. At least... not average natural."
"Supernatural?"
"You wanna know what my Granny learned?"
"Heheh... do I?"
Applejack smirked. "Hydra fertilizer."
"What's a hydra?"
"Big stompin' monster with a buncha heads. Lizard-like. Lurves to gobble up ponies."
"Holy smokes." Stu gulped. "And they live around Ponyville?"
"Well... nearby. Boggy Bottom Bog. I ran into one once."
"To gather fertilizer?"
"Hah! Nah... I ain't that brave. Or stupid. My great-grandpappy, however? Once Granny told him what she discovered, he actually had to stake the Bog and wrangle a hydra down himself! Whew-wee! Ponyfolk were made out of sterner stuff back in the day! Lemme tell you..."
"Soooooooo... how do you... y'know... 'collect' from the hydras now?"
"Eh..." Applejack shrugged. "...we import from the Lower Canterlot Zoo."
"Ah. Of course."
"Super expensive stuff. But we manage." Applejack smiled. "It's worth it if it means growin' the Zap-Apple Trees all good and proper. I mean... they can do without the hydra fertilizer, but it somehow puts in the extra spark that makes the fruit so delicious-like these days. Adds the extra kick, so to speak."
"Wow... you really know the ins-and-outs of apples!" Stu Leaves smiled wide. "Even magical apples!"
"That's what I'm tellin' you!" Applejack turned and gestured across the farm. "This here's the unsung apple capital of all of Eques—" She froze in mid exclamation, blinking. "Land's sakes!"
The sun had completely set.
All of the attendees of the Sisterhooves Social were gone.
Night had fallen, and crickets serenaded the two neighbors chatting on the bleachers.
"Where did..." Applejack grimaced. "How long...?"
"Uhhhhhhhh..." Stu peeked a look at a pocket watch hidden in a pouch of his saddlebag. "...two... and a half hours?"
"Whallop my wither!" Applejack tilted the brim of her hat down to hide her wincing expression. "I didn't even notice!" She frowned at him. "Why the heck didn't y'all say somethin'?"
He flinched. "I was afraid to! You just..." A nervous smile. "...seemed so happy talking about apples!"
"Well, it's yer fault for bringing it up!"
"Heck..." He shrugged. "I don't mind!"
She blinked. "You don't?"
"I-I certainly learned a lot today!" A warm-hearted chuckle. "Like... for instance... apples aren't citrus!"
"Yeah, and what else?"
"... ... ..." Stu Leaves squirmed slightly. "...don't use your own fertilizer?"
"Gnnnnghhh..." Applejack leaned forward, cupping her chin against her fetlocks with a tired smile. "Celestia have mercy... you really dun have much goin' on upstairs, do you?"
"Well, I just moved in," Stu Leaves remarked. "Haven't had much time to furnish the loft."
Applejack's muzzle scrunched. "Huh?"
"Back in Ponyville." Stu gestured nebulously past the nearest fence and treeline. "I've got an apartment flat above a swell family—my landlords. But I sorta showed up in town rather bitless, so I'm taking my sweet time in setting things up. Scrimping, y'know. Not that a pegasus is used to having earth pony furniture. Everything we have in Cloudsdale is either built out of cloudstone or it's magically enchanted by airship visiting unicorns to float on clouds and..."
Applejack stared at him.
He stared back. "... ... ...wait. You're... you're talking about my head, aren't you?"
"Snkkkkkt..." Applejack rolled off the bleachers and beat the ground with her hooves. "Hahahahaha!"
Stu blushed a deep shade of red. "Yeah, well..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "...guess... uh... I-I'm having to work on furnishing that also..."
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boyoooooo..." Applejack sat up, wiping tears from her eyes. "Yer a real hoot, Steve."
"Stu."
"Whatever."