Twilight Sparkle Makes a Coltfriend... Literally

by Georg

3. Rent-a-Stallion

“Psst! Nimbus, are you in there?” Rainbow Dash peered in the barred window of the Ponyville jail and tried to make sense of the resulting shadows, one of which moved abruptly. “Ahhhaa!!”

The sudden appearance of the soapy doll popping up just inside the window startled Rainbow Dash, making her dart backwards a whole body length and hover. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Did I frighten you?”

“Frightened? Me?” Rainbow flapped up to the window again and lowered her voice. “No way. But that’s not important right now. We need to find some way to get you out of there in a hurry.”

“Does Twilight need me?” asked the doll with perked up ears and a goofy smile, which really was not that much different than his usual sewn-on expression.

“Naa, she and Spike are holed up in the castle, about hip-deep in forms. Fluttershy and I need some help getting her place goose sluiced. We’ve got the clouds set aside, but it’s a three-pegasus job to make sure all the goose goo gets washed away.”

Nimbus nodded. “As long as I don’t get stuck in it again. I think all of the goose has been washed out of me except the down.” The doll stuck one cloth hoof out from between the bars and squeezed, looking a little like a toothpaste coming out from a tube as the second leg came out, then his head, and the slow, squishy progress of his body, until one sopping-wet tail finished the process. “There.”

“Cool.” Rainbow looked over the cloth doll, who was still dripping. “I was going to sneak into the jail and borrow the keys, but this will work.”

“As long as I get back from Fluttershy’s before Twilight is done filling out her forms for my creation,” said Nimbus. “I think she plans on a ‘I bailed my coltfriend out of jail’ date, although that’s probably not a good idea for her position. Are you set to jet?” He crouched and looked over at Rainbow.

“Are you kidding?” Rainbow cocked her wings and crouched next to Nimbus. “One twothreeGO!”

“Hi Fluttershy! Hi Rainbow Dash! Hi Possible Abomination of Nature That Twilight Created in her Secret Laboratory!”

“I don’t think he can hear you under the raincloud, Pinkie.” Rainbow Dash steered the rapidly depleting cloud along Fluttershy’s creek bank, keeping the water flowing with short pokes at the cloudstuff while Fluttershy flew ahead, giving directions. Underneath, the only sign of Nimbus was a soggy tail drooping down, and the occasional leg from where he was agitating the rainwater into a harder-driven spray that would be more effective at removing evidence of the recently departed geese, or as Rainbow liked to call it, residoo-doo.

“We’ll be done after this last cloud,” said Fluttershy, directing the path of the cloud with short gestures. “I just need to get a few last bits of poo washed downstream so my animals can move back in. The water lilies and the moss are going to grow so much with this much fertilizer that I may be able to have even more aquatic animals. Maybe even a family of bitterns!”

“Yeah, thankfully Rarity’s laundry detergent is environment friendly,” said Rainbow. “I think we were still getting suds out of him until a few minutes ago.” She gave one last kick to the cloud and regarded the wet pegasus doll that was revealed when the cloud poofed. “How are you doing, big guy?”

“Wet on the outside, dry on the inside,” pronounced Nimbus, giving his wings a splattering shake. “And clean as a whistle.”

Pinkie Pie bounced across the wet grass, giving a sharp whistle as she passed underneath the three pegasi and skidding down the steep creek bank with a “Wheee!” Nimbus darted down just one wingflap behind Rainbow Dash and the two of them scooped up Pinkie before she could splash into the discolored water.

“Pinkie!” chided Rainbow Dash. “That water’s dirty.

“And you don’t want to see how Twilight and Rarity get you clean,” said Nimbus.

“Oh, I love playing in the tub,” said Pinkie with a bounce once she was dropped onto the grass. “But that’s not what I’m here for. I’m making my special super-deluxe feather-fluffy cupcakes for Twilight’s First Date Without a Casualty party, and they’re so sensitive that I keep burning them or popping them out of the oven when they’re still raw, so I was going to see if Spike could stand in the oven and watch them bake.”

“Um… Pinkie?” Rainbow Dash scratched the back of her head with one hoof, then cocked her head to one side in deep and unpracticed thought. “Come to think of it, Spike can swim in lava, and that’s a lot hotter than an oven.”

“It’s still not something you should have a baby dragon do, though,” said Fluttershy, who landed next to Pinkie with a light squish from the damp grass.

“I can do it.” Nimbus flopped to the grass and dripped, lifting one squishy hoof after another. “Twilight fireproofed me, and Spike tested it, so it I should be fine. Besides, it’s the only way I’m going to get all the way dry after today, and it can’t be worse than the washing machine.”

“Hello, Pinkie Pie!” Rarity breezed into the Sugarcube Corner kitchen, her steps slowing for a moment as she walked past a stack of perfectly browned cupcakes, then speeding up with louder, intense stepping of each hoof while she approached her friend. Pinkie was hovering (not literally) next to the oven door with a potholder in her mouth, sparing Rarity only the flicker of a glance.

After waiting in vain for the normally talkative pony to begin bursting with words, Rarity wanted to add something like “What are you doing?” It would have been superfluous, because she was obviously making cupcakes, and it was all that Rarity could do to keep from sampling some of the nearer ones. Their golden-brown texture appealed to her eyes, and the scent of fine cake hammered at the mental barriers she was trying to keep in force, but there was something else in the air, a hint of the scent of… ironing?

Then there was a rapid knocking from the inside of the oven, and a voice called out, “They’re done!”

Rarity nearly jumped out of her shoes.

Pinkie Pie moved with practiced efficiency, yanking the oven door and plucking the trays of cupcakes out just a split second before a pegasus came bursting out of the oven door to dance around the kitchen, shouting, “Hot! Hot! Hot!”

“Oh, my!” Rarity hesitated once she recognized Nimbus, because he may have been fireproofed by Twilight Sparkle’s spell, but she was not. She gave the slowing doll a gentle poke with her magic in order to judge his temperature, then scooped up a few potholders to stick under his hooves so he would not discolor the flooring.

“Pinkie Pie! How could you possibly put Nimbus through that, even if he is a—”

“The cupcakes are perfect! Here, try one!” Before Rarity could close her mouth, Pinkie inserted one of the cupcakes that had just come out of the oven. The inevitable burst of heat scorched her tongue, followed by a wave of flavor that put out the fire in a rush of saliva. Between chewing, trying not to drool, and calculating how many hours on the treadmill this was going to cost, Rarity was more than a little distracted.

Not distracted enough to miss when Nimbus fell over on the floor with a quiet thud.

“Oh, no!” Rarity scurried over and gingerly poked the fallen doll. He was still far too hot to touch, but he was supposed to be fireproof, although Twilight had not specified just how much fire he was proof against. Admittedly, he was animated by magic, so Rarity should have been able to do at least some rudimentary testing or checking of his thaumaturgical whatsits, if she had not been sketching dress designs in her notebook that day in class.

“Quick, Rarity!” Pinkie Pie bounced over to the doll and held its head between her hooves, protected by a pair of potholders. “He needs mouth to mouth, just like in the lifesaving class we went to. You start, and I’ll take over after a few minutes.”

She almost got down on her knees to administer the practiced routine which the class had ingrained into a reflex. It was probably because the dummy stallion and the doll both looked very much alike, not because she was starting to think of Nimbus as a real pony.

“Pinkie,” said Rarity with a quiet, deliberate cadence to her words. “That’s not going to help. Remember, Nimbus is a doll.”

“I know that. It’s just that since Twilight is going to be practicing her romance moves with him—” Pinkie fluttered her eyelashes and struck a coy pose “—I thought we should treat him like a real pony. Well, once he was done in the oven, of course. Do you think Twilight will make me a coltfriend like Nimbus? Only I think I’d like a gingerbread pony with gumdrop buttons and…” She trailed off with a distant expression, most likely involving things that Rarity did not want to think about.

She lit her horn up instead and poured magic into Nimbus’ spell. It took several minutes for him to stagger to his hooves and shake his head, and quite a bit longer before she could feel the magic in his fabric body reach anywhere near the potential it had been when Twilight had ‘charged’ him.

“That’s better,” said Nimbus, taking a deep ‘breath’ and moving to pick the potholders off the floor with clumsy fabric hooves. “I was getting a little claustrophobic in the oven when I felt my energy dropping, and I didn’t know if the fire resistance spell would go away too. How are the cupcakes?”

“Divine,” said Rarity. She took a look at where Pinkie Pie was gathering them up and applying vanilla frosting (118 calories per oz) and sugar sprinkles (25 calories per oz normally, but Pinkie was using her ‘special’ sprinkles, which had been compressed to a density normally found in the heart of neutron stars).

“Oh, you can have mine,” said Nimbus, following her intent gaze. “You’re very slender, and deserve a treat.”

“Oh, no no no no… Very well.” Rarity looked at the frosted and sprinkled cupcake that had been pressed upon her and determined that immediate consumption would quite possibly involve a few more calories than if she allowed it to cool slightly. Although the poor pastry was still doomed.

“Actually, I came here to see if you would be willing to help me out,” admitted Rarity, still looking down at the entrancing cupcake. After all, if she were carrying it, Pinkie would not give her a second, or a third, no matter how tempting. “I have a special order at the boutique this evening for a full wedding party, including several suits for stallions, and none of my dress forms are… um…”

“Male,” said Nimbus.

“Exactly. And since you are made of fabric, I merely have to use a few safety pins to adjust your measurements. It would only take an hour. Or two,” she added in the interest of approaching veracity.

“Rarity?” Applejack poked her nose into the boutique with more than a little caution, because when the muse ran loose in the small building, it tended to suck in any curious onlookers. Close friends were twice as endangered, because they could be convinced through begging and tears to just stay for ‘a minute’ that turned into several hours. Or during one epic fit of creativity, three days.

“Applejack!” exclaimed Rarity, tired but still with enough energy to be dangerous. “You’re just in time. Stand here, please, and hold your hooves—”

“No, I ain’t got time… Well, I suppose… Is that a wedding train? Hey, these ain’t even real flowers.” In moments, Applejack found herself standing stock still while Rarity inserted a flurry of pins into a troublesome hem near her right flank. The wedding dress was embarrassing enough, if not for the handsome stuffed groom in his suit right next to her, who watched his bride with impassive stitched eyes and withheld his comments for a very long time.

“I do,” announced Nimbus, long after Applejack expected the punch line.

“Ah don’t,” snapped the bride. “So don’t get nuttin’ in your stuffed head or— Ow! Consarnit, Rarity. Watch those pins!”

Rarity snickered while folding the hem back. “Hush, darling, and just think of the honeymoon.”

“Neighagra Falls is beautiful this time of year,” mused Nimbus in a far-away voice. “The apple trees are just setting on fruit, and the scent fills the air right up to the jet stream. You can close your eyes and tell which updrafts you are gliding between by the apple variety, all sweet and cloying in one, and with a sharp edge of early pie apples in another. It’s the best time to visit.”

It took Applejack a long time before she could work up a reply, although Rarity seemed lost in a fierce battle with tiny fractions, moving and shuffling pins on the dress like a general would move symbols on a mapboard.

“Ah… was up in Neighagra in spring once.” Applejack gave the cloth doll as good a look as she could without Rarity drawing blood again. “How come you remember that when you ain’t never been outside of Ponyville?”

“It’s part of the spell Twilight used to create me.” Nimbus flopped his ears down and rotated them much the same as a normal pony would, before angling them in Applejack’s direction. “It would have taken her years to build stimulus-response pairs for everything an ordinary pony does, so she did something with magic to let me ‘borrow’ other ponies’ experiences they are not using at the moment.”

“That may be, but I ain’t never been flying over Neighagra in spring.” Applejack frowned in thought. “Then again, there might be some pegasi in town who did. That’s a real popular place around this time every year. You sayin’ you can pick that memory out of one of them?”

“Not quite.” Nimbus used a wingtip to draw a circle in midair. “I don’t know how it works, but I know I can’t pull a skill out of thin air. If I need one and there’s one just sitting around not being used, it just drifts into my head, then back out again when the original pony needs it. For a time this morning, I knew how to make igloos, but I can’t now.”

“Huh.” It was a word that Applejack had resorted to many times when looking at something Twilight Sparkle had just done, because she was not one to use profanity. “Hey, Rarity. When you’re done using Nimbus here as a pincushion—”

“Soon, I hope,” interjected the doll in question with a minor flinch of his left leg, and the arsenal of pointed fashion stuck into it.

“—Ah’ve got a little job for him out at the farm, if’n he’s up to it.”

Nimbus nodded. “I’m always available to help Twilight Sparkle’s friends with whatever they need when Twilight is busy. So long as it doesn’t involve geese.”