Diaries of a Madman

by whatmustido

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty-Two—Worst Houseguest Ever

I woke up from an uneasy sleep with a start. There was no longer a cat in my arms, so I couldn’t help but wonder if what I had been through that night before was a dream. It was certainly a weird one, if it had been.

When I sat up, I realized that no, it most definitely was not a dream. Kat was standing on the side of the bed, wearing a fairly short sun dress, long stockings, some nice gloves, and holding a plate of breakfast. “Good morning, Nav,” she happily said.

I’m not so sure about that. I looked at the plate and discovered that it was two sunny side up eggs, a few strips of bacon, and a slice of butter arranged as a smiley face over a small stack of pancakes.

“I brought you breakfast in bed!”

“Thank you, Kat,” I said. I didn’t particularly want to eat breakfast in bed, but I wasn’t going to say no to free food from a psychopathic cat. I was close to the middle of the bed, so I awkwardly scooted over until I was close enough to get the plate. She stood right in front of me as I began eating. “So who else is up?”

“I dunno. What are we doing today, Nav?”

“First, I’m going to find Jak and get him to outfit his new workshop. I’m also gonna send Doppel, Sunny Disposition, and Taya shopping to outfit the house with what we need. With luck, they can also find me a new employee or three. Once I get them moving, I’ll probably chill in the living room for a while and wait on Fleur to come by. When she leaves, I’m done for the day.”

“Will you need my services for anything?” she asked. “I would be delighted to spend time with you, but there are a few things I need as well…”

“I should be fine,” I said. “I’m not planning on leaving, so I won’t need protection.”

“Good. It’s been too long since I’ve been in a proper home. And even longer since I’ve had a good master. I’m quite looking forward to the coming months!”

Well, I was looking forward to them, but now I’m kinda worrying. “Good. You’re not gonna get super possessive and try to drive off all the other girls in my life, are you?”

“Of course not, Navi! Taya and I already came to an understanding. I know exactly where I stand.”

“...And what agreement did the two of you come to?” I slowly asked.

“I am not to interrupt any of your time with Twilight Sparkle or Taya. Otherwise, I may do as I please.”

God dammit, Taya. “I want to remind you that you serve me, not Taya.”

“Yes, but Taya has your best interests in mind. Much more-so than you do, apparently. One of the things she specifically requested is that I sabotage any attempts you might make at a relationship with Celestia. I told her that I would be happy to assist, but that you shouldn’t need me to remind you what that great white horse has done to you. Apparently you do, according to your daughter. It’s a good thing you have the two of us looking out for you.”

“If I discover that you’re sabotaging anything I do, I’m going to be extremely upset. You serve me, Kat. And you serve me without question. If I make a mistake, it’s my mistake to make. You are free to offer counsel, but if I choose to do something, you can either support me or you can stay out of my way.”

“...As you wish, Nav,” she replied.

“As it is, Celestia probably won’t be someone you’ll need to worry about anymore.”

She didn’t reply and let me finish eating in peace. As soon as the last bite was in my mouth, she took the plate back. “Do you need anything else from the kitchen?” she sweetly asked.

“Nope, but thanks for the offer.”

“Then I’ll be right back!” She walked off, her tail wagging more than usual. Yeah, it’s gonna be a long few months.

We still didn’t have any soap, so I didn’t bother taking a bath or shower. And since I wasn’t planning on leaving the house, I didn’t bother dressing up. Thankfully, I managed to save a pair of sweatpants from all the times Rarity tried to prune my wardrobe. That and a ratty old t-shirt became my outfit for the day.

I gotta say, being a Lady had a few upsides.

Athena’s book is one of the things I grabbed from the ship the night before. I didn’t want to risk Jak popping out of it in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people, so I put it in the room that Smiles claimed. At least that way, if Jak appeared, the only person he could hurt in his confusion was someone no one would miss anyway.

Kat got back to my room right as I got to the door. “Going somewhere?” she happily asked.

“Just to get Athena’s book from Smiles’s room.”

“No need to exert yourself,” she said.

“I don’t mind—” She was already walking away again, her tail still happily wagging. I only watched for a moment before sighing and going to sit at my desk. The chair was surprisingly comfortable for something that was built for an equine-shaped body. It was probably because I had a tail now.

Kat wasted no time, of course. At the very least, I was happy that she saved me from having to deal with Smiles, even if he had been behaving himself. She came back in, closed and locked the door behind her, and walked over to present the book to me.

“Thank you. Again.” I grabbed it and stood. “I’ll be right back.” Before she could try to invite herself, I cracked the book open and got sucked in by the hellish tentacles. Athena may be creepy and likes being up close and personal, but at least she isn’t trying to constantly serve me.

She did appear immediately though, with something approaching a smile on her face. “So you’ve come to visit me again. Do you seek more answers, my friend? Information or books, perhaps?”

“You’ve been very tight-lipped with information I might find useful,” I replied. “We could be very useful allies, if you’d only tell me what I need to know.”

She disappeared and I felt her creepy fingers on my shoulders, making my skin crawl. “It is true that I have been… less than forthcoming about some things. There was a time I worried you might betray my secrets. And for some time, I questioned the worth of an… apprentice that does not care to learn magic.”

“...I am no apprentice,” I said. “Just someone who wants revenge. And answers.”

“But you could be,” she whispered in my ear, waving one of her hands in front of me. A gilded silver mirror appeared before us and I saw myself shooting fire from my hands. My hair was lit up bright green and flowers were dangling from their tips. My eyes had gone from a dark green to a vibrant, lively one. Both of my wings had turned into flower petals. Even my skin had something of a greenish tinge to it. “You could be so much more, tree sister.” I shifted. “Your transformation has only just begun. If you let me truly teach you, if you become my apprentice, you could replace Mother Nature.”

I took a step forward and turned around to look at her. “What do you mean?”

“Would you like to know a secret, Navarone?” she asked, her head tilting slightly. “I would give it to you in exchange for promising to think about my offer.”

“...I can think about it.” But I’m not so sure I want it…

“Then I am going to tell you why Discord fought to kill magic.” She reached a creepy finger out and placed it on my forehead. My eyes went blank. “In the beginning, springs of magic dotted the lands.” A sight appeared in my mind, a large hole in the ground filled with pure, glowing water. “This was the only source of water humans had. Those who drank of it became saturated in magic and lived for hundreds of years.” Two humans appeared in the image in my mind. They both drank from the pool of water and seemed to begin glowing themselves. “These were the first of our kind. Magic flowed through their veins. What you think of now as impossible was, to them, everyday. But something changed.” The springs disappeared and it started raining. “It was as though all the springs in the world evaporated at once and appeared in the air. It caused a great flood, something spoken about for thousands of years later. Do you know what that something was, Navarone?”

The water had pooled up to my ankles. I looked up at her nervously. “...My money’s on Discord.”

“Your money is safe. In that time, magic flowed so freely that certain ideas, when felt strongly enough, could escape their hosts and become personified by magic. Life. Death. Nature. Peace. Discord.” I saw all of them before me as she named them, ending with Discord’s creepy fucked up body. “All of these and more were represented by various entities. The one known as Discord fought the others and among the powerful humans for ages, though he was never powerful enough to gain much sway. Unfortunately, war, when unchecked, always escalates and leads to new innovations. Discord, tired of never truly winning, decided to attack the source of the strength of his opponents, weakening them. He evaporated their springs and caused a flood, spreading the magic all across the world. His strength came not from the springs, but from the belief in conflict, so he stayed the same. The other gods began losing power as Discord grew in strength. Some of them went into hiding. Some died. Some had nothing to fear. But all of those who remain want to see Discord defeated.”

Her finger pulled away from my head and I could see again. “Some of the… concepts died?” I asked.

“Correct. It is possible to kill them. It isn’t simple.”

“So Discord can be killed?” I asked.

“...Technically, yes. But doing so would be very difficult. Putting him in check would be easier. He is so powerful now because the opposing ideals have given up the fight. But their titles can be taken, Navarone. In time, with my help, you could become Nature. You could gather the surviving lesser fey and rule over them. Your alicorn friend, the pink one, could become Love with my guidance. For the first time in a very long time, we might be able to contain his power.” She stepped forward and placed her hands on my cheeks. “Will you not seize this opportunity, Navarone? Will you not seize your destiny?”

“I don’t much care for destiny,” I said, stepping back from her grasping hands. “And ruling over fey sounds really unfun, though it’s good to know they exist.”

“How can you not grasp the… the importance of this?” she asked in confusion.

“I’m a soulless automaton presumably created by Discord’s magic,” I replied. “Until I get my own soul, I don’t think I have any place trying to actually fight Discord. I’m just trying to put people in place who can.”

Her head tilted again and we appeared downstairs next to a table. I could see Jak working on his golem in the distance, but he very unfortunately didn’t notice us.

“Lie on the table,” Athena ordered, her hands going behind her back.

I really didn’t want to and the tail made it kind of awkward, but I did so. She walked over next to me and placed one hand on my forehead and one hand over my belly button. Her eyes closed and she took a deep breath before her hands pulsed and I felt myself lock in place.

Her hands started moving across my body. They hit several spots before both of them ended up on top of where my heart was supposed to be. Her head tilted again and she made some kind of noise of disappointment. “I see,” she whispered. One of her hands went to my neck and it felt like she was grasping something invisible. “Oh?” The hand left my neck and seemed to follow something up above me until it connected with something else. “So we failed. But this gives you an opportunity.” Her eyes opened and her hands pulled back. “You are, in fact, soulless. But you have a human soul attached to you. That is quite a conundrum, though.”

“I’m gonna try to talk to Grogar while I’m in Tartarus,” I said. “I’m hoping he can force her soul into me.”

“My oh my, Nav. You are quite ambitious. The doll who seeks to be a real girl, hmm? I’ll tell you now that it won’t work.”

Shit. “There has to be a way,” I said. “I met Death. He told me this is what I had to do.”

“Ah, so Death introduced himself to you. There is a grain of truth in what he says. Her soul could be merged with your body, but it couldn’t be forced in. To force it would erase you entirely, and her soul would be susceptible to all manner of horrific issues. If you want to merge with her, you must emulate her as much as possible. Looks, styles, speech, temperament. The closer you are to who she was, the smoother the transition will become. If there are too many gaps between the two of you, the merge will fail and you will be lost.”

“...This is the kind of stuff I mean,” I said. “If you could keep answering the weird and hard questions I have, I’d be a lot happier to visit.”

She waved a hand and two chairs appeared. She daintily sat in one and smiled up at me. I hesitantly sat in the other. “What questions do you have, Navarone?” she asked. As she spoke, one hand reached out and then straight up disappeared. When she pulled her arm back, it revealed that the missing hand contained a mug of steaming hot coffee that she passed to me.

I looked at it in wonder before taking it and looking back up. “If you told me you had coffee, you damn sure would have been seeing a lot more of me.”

“Reality is a very malleable thing, for those of us who choose to make it that way,” she replied. “You could make your own coffee. You could change your body however you pleased. You could become… so much more. Should you succeed in obtaining a soul, I will be able to explain much, much more to you. But until then, there are still a few answers I could dole out.”

“You called me tree sister. I met a mushroom lady called a madremonte who called me the same thing. What does that mean?” I finally took a sip of the coffee. Despite being black, it was amazing.

“You are very, very ambitious indeed, to take on the life of a tree and not know the consequences.”

“I didn’t have much of a choice. I was unconscious and on death’s doorstep. Princess Celestia made that decision for me.”

“...I see. Tell me, does she know the consequences?”

“If she does, she didn’t tell me.”

“Hm. I suppose the old ways still persist, though their meanings have been lost. Tree brothers and sisters are those who fuse their life force with that of plants. They slowly become one with nature over time, taking on characteristics of plants. The more injuries you obtain, the faster you will change. Were you to remove both wings, I imagine they would come back… different. I’m sure you’ve already noticed that much of your energy comes from the sun. Should you continue to eat, you’ll have extra energy and likely even more strength. Your blood will become more akin to sap. Wounds will seal and heal themselves much more quickly. Things that should kill others merely slow you down.”

“The mushroom chick I spoke to asked me about my grove.”

“It is common for those of your kind to claim a forest and make it their own. Some find subjects among mortals and the surviving fey and build homes for themselves. As your abilities grow, you’ll be able to manipulate nature around you.”

“You keep mentioning fey. Are you talking old school fairies and gnomes and whatnot?”

“Indeed. The island you know as Britain was their last sanctuary for some time. It was a place of great power, where one of the last remaining springs of magic existed. It spawned some of the great legends you may have heard of, such as the holy grail. The Lady of the Lake guarded it with her life. A fellow called Merlin was her last apprentice. He flung a seeress and a king forward in time before Discord killed him and then destroyed their spring. After that, the fey truly began disappearing from this realm. Some can still enter when the moon phases are correct, but most have been banished completely. Fairies are apparently somewhat commonplace, though they are now known as breezies. Some of the nature-oriented fey still exist here and there, but most of their bastions have been destroyed.”

That explains a few things. “What exactly are fey? I assume if Discord was killing them, they were a threat to him.”

“Fey are very capricious beings of magic. Some are beings of desire made manifest. Discord, for example. Or succubi. Or changelings.”

“Wait, changelings are fey?”

She nodded. “Indeed. They do not eat as normal beings do. They are beings that magically consume emotion to sustain themselves. Discord used his magic to change alicorns into changelings, turning them into fey of hunger. He used them as tools to suck love out of the world. As with most things magical, fey operate on the power of belief. Should everyone stop believing in them and the ideals they represent, they would cease to exist.”

I used the moment of silence to drink more of the coffee. My old and weary bones were starting to finally heat up and get some life in them. “So you’re saying that to kill Discord, we’d have to forget him?”

“And conflict in general. I suspect that Discord was created when one magical human of old killed another, but I could be mistaken. These days, there isn’t enough magic in the world to bring him back should he successfully be killed, but I do not know how long the world would have to be at peace for him to permanently be stopped. I don’t know if it would even be possible without new beings of power to replace those who were lost.”

“You think Cadance could become the new goddess of love or whatever?”

“To replace the one you know as Cupid, yes. She has the potential for it.”

“...And you think I could become Nature.”

“I think any tree sibling could become Nature. But you are the only one I have within my grasp. You are the only one I can teach. You could be my hands in the world, Navarone, touching it in my place.”

Way to make it sound creepy. “I don’t need magic to do that, Athena. If you tell me what to do to stop Discord, I’ll make sure it happens.”

She clasped her bony hands together in her lap and began twiddling her thumbs. It was a surprisingly human gesture. “Magic has been my only companion for a very long time, Navarone. I trust it explicitly. Your distrust in it is… unusual, for one who found herself in my realm. Most scholars seek it.”

“Power’s never really been my thing,” I replied. “All I want is to be a nobody again. I know it’ll never happen, but it’s still what I want. How can I go from wanting that to doing the impossible?”

“Belief,” she quietly replied. “All you must do is believe that you can do something, and you can. It takes discipline and it takes knowledge, but both of those can be obtained. I cannot make you want something and I cannot make you believe in something, however. If you choose to stay your course, that is entirely your decision to make. It means I would find trusting you difficult.”

“You’ve seen what I can do without magic. You watched me and Twilight take on your maze and win.”

“Barely, and only with her assistance. Think of what you could do with my help, Navarone. Think how easy your journey would become. Once you gain your soul, I could turn you into a god.”

“Yeah, but being a god sounds really shitty. Why would I want that?”

“Sometimes we do things not for ourselves, but for others.” Says the bitch who locked herself in a prison for eternity. “Discord does not have to die for him to lose. If you help tip the balance in the world, you could keep his power in check and prevent the cycles of extinction. That was the attempted purpose of the man-made fey, the elementals. It worked for a time.”

“Before Discord made them turn on each other,” I replied. “Which could very well happen with me as the god of nature. How long do you think I’d last against that thing if he really wanted me dead?”

“All of the entities that started as humans are still alive. Most have lost their power and faded from memory, but could be restored if enough belief was pumped into them. The main issue most had was keeping their followers alive to believe in them, because Discord had enough followers to put them all to the sword. At that time, vast armies roamed the world, enacting the wills of their gods. The world was young and chaotic. Discord’s powers were great. Now, the times between his bursts of activity are slowly growing. After succeeding in destroying so much of the magic in the world, I believe that he has begun sapping even his own power. It might be possible for other entities to come into power now.”

“What about just killing magic altogether?” I asked. Her eyes widened. “It seems like that’s what Discord’s been planning for a while. If all the magic in the world was gone, wouldn’t he also cease to exist?”

“That’s impossible. Magic can be diluted, but it will always be there. It is the lifeblood of this planet. Without it, life itself would not be possible.”

“Well, fuck. What do I have to do to become Nature, then? I mean, I’ll obviously need to get a soul and learn magic, but what do I do after that?”

“Convince the remaining nature fey and other tree siblings to side with you. You might have to bear one of them a child.”

“Nope, fuck that. I don’t want to have sex with anything that can make me pregnant!”

“...I see. Well, that might be avoidable, but most tree sisters adore all life and would be happy to bear children.”

“This one hates babies and doesn’t want a fucking parasite growing inside of her for nine months.”

“Hm. After you get all of them on your side, you would need to find a fount of power and drink from it. Those regenerate over time, so I know one must still exist somewhere. If you could find a spring of magic, that would be even better. I know at least one still exists, though I do not know where it is.”

“How did any of them survive what Discord did?”

“Some were protected by powerful beings, either humans or entities, who made sure they did not fall to Discord. Some did get destroyed later, but a few survived the culling.”

“Huh. I found something called the Mirror Pool. It creates a copy of whoever gets in it.”

She nodded. “That is likely an offshoot of a fount of power. Another famous one is the so-called Fountain of Youth. If you find the source of this Mirror Pool, you will find your power. But I will warn you now that unless you find yourself wanting to become one of these entities, it will be impossible. And until you have a soul, trying would be pointless.”

“How do I find fey? Or other tree siblings?”

“Fey tend to congregate in places of magic. If you want to actively seek them out, you’ll have to go through a mirror.”

“...A mirror?”

“Yes, that is what I said. Tree siblings might be more difficult to find. They have groves that are usually tended to by mortals or lesser fey. Seek out ancient forests, especially those with legends about disappearing children.”

“Alright, so how do I go into a mirror?”

“Magic, of course. Mirrors are doorways, Navarone. Those with the knowledge can open them.” Those with the knowledge… or those with a catgirl servant that can open any lock. “The realms on the other side are… not places suitable for mortals, however. Time passes strangely. Those unprepared to deal with the fey on the other side usually do not return.”

Of course. Nothing’s ever easy. “Do they attack intruders?”

“Some do. However, most are very curious about mortals. There are many legends of fey abducting mortals, especially young female mortals. If you enter without taking precautions, you may very well find yourself dancing for eternity. Or worse.”

I’m suddenly very glad I’m never going to use any of this knowledge. “I think I’m gonna pass on dealing with the fey, actually.”

“That is your choice to make,” she said, bowing her head for a moment.

“You mentioned that the elementals were man-made fey. What does that mean, exactly?”

“They were created to emulate types of fey from the past. It was an attempt to check Discord’s power by creating artificially powerful entities. It failed, I’m sad to say. That said, it was an ingenious idea. I would be very interested in discovering how they came upon knowledge of the fey after the world ended.”

“I’m planning on going to another one of the bunkers soon. If I find anything, I’ll let you know.” She bowed her head again. “I got your book from an old gypsy looking mare in a weird antique store full of enchanted items. What can you tell me about that place?”

“My book is not the only pocket dimension out there and you are not the only one who seeks to eradicate Discord. There are various ancient orders that fight against him. Most move only from the shadows, for showing your hand in this game usually means losing it. I imagine the one who held my book was a member of one of these ancient orders, though I do not know to which she belonged.”

“Do you know how to contact any of these organizations?”

“You do not contact them. They contact you.” I sighed. “Do not be disappointed. The reason they fight from the shadows is because they are essentially worthless, these days. You have done more in one year than any of them have done in their lifetimes. That is likely why they reached out to give you their assistance when they did. Without it, you would not have come this far.”

“Yeah, I would probably be dead or worse without your help.” She leaned in much closer and for some reason I started to sweat.

Her head tilted slightly. “I make you uncomfortable, Navarone.”

“...Sometimes a little, yes.”

“No. All the time, a lot. You distrust me.”

I sighed and leaned in as well, then placed one of my hands on one of her withered ones. Her head tilted back. “I don’t distrust you, Athena. If you want the truth, it’s that you… disturb me.”

She sighed and leaned back. “I have been… alone for a very long time, Navarone. I built my maze to protect me from Discord’s assassins. I hid it in a massive library in the most unused section. By the time it was found, I had been inside too long to leave. As more adventurers attempted to plunder its depths, I had to make the maze more dangerous just to survive.” She softly snorted. “Every legend about labyrinths comes from my maze, Navarone. I eventually brokered a deal with one of the few who made it inside. I promised to support him with my power if he protected my book. That began one of the first orders against Discord. It is also how I survived the nuclear apocalypse.”

“What do you know of Discord through human history?” I asked. “Did you see much of that?”

“That is a very… large topic,” she said. “To begin explaining it, I will have to start with how magic works in this world, on massive scales. It will also be a lot of magical history.”

Fleur won’t be here for a while. I’ve got time. “I’d love to hear it.”

She paused for a moment before her hand grasped mine back. “Magic comes from the life in an area around it. As the environment changes, so does magic. In areas with much ancient vegetation, you have considerably more magic. This creates more creatures of magic and more powerful magic users. Think of what power there is hidden in dangerous rain forests, Navarone. The medicines, the poisons, the temples of light and dark. Then in areas like deserts, where life is rare, magic is as well. This creates… a very sparse type of magic. There are a few areas of power and that is where societies congregate. There are two exceptions to this, the lands of what you know as the Middle East and Australia. They were both given… great curses. Australia by humans supporting Discord and the Middle East by Discord himself. All of that alone would take hours to explain.”

“I… don’t have that much time.” But I might later.

“In the last… one hundred or so years of your time, it should be obvious. He traveled through Europe, Asia, and Africa. Once America won the second world war, he took some very key positions in its military. That started the cold war and pretty much signed the death knell of the human race. I’m proud to say it was a very close fight, with my order. We came… so very close to defeating him. It honestly feels like there is no hope in defeating him now. I’ve watched all that I worked for crumble away in time…”

“What stopped you?”

“Other factions,” she replied with a sigh. “In my arrogance, I chose not to contact them when the end times were near and instead allowed them to continue their own paths. I will say, however, that they created a truly… fascinating world. But had they given me five more years, humans would have escaped to the stars!”

“That would have been pretty fucking awesome.”

She nodded. “Indeed it would have. It would have united us and killed Discord once and for all. The revenge we got instead was… lackluster.”

“What do you mean… revenge?” I slowly asked.

She patted my hand and leaned away. “That is not my place to tell. I have told you much today, Navarone. Do I disturb you less now?”

I looked down at her withered hand, still held over mine. Then I looked back up at her avian eyes. “Why did you give up your humanity, Athena? Why did you become… this?”

“What makes you think it was willing, Navarone?” That gave me pause. “Why did you become like that?”

“...I assumed it was just my lot to suffer in life.”

“These alterations are the consequences of powerful magic, Navarone. Primal magic. Spells are the most predictable pieces of magic in the world, but only if conditions are ideal. Should one part of the ritual be out of place, the entire thing could collapse in on its own power and create some horrific effects.”

“Like giving a guy a tail.”

“Or giving a girl a tail. How have you adjusted, Navarone?”

“...Poorly,” I sighed. “I thought I was making some progress, but I found out recently I haven’t been doing as well as I thought.”

“That is unfortunate. Would you change back if you could, knowing it would make obtaining your soul more difficult?”

“Knowing that… I dunno.”

“Admitting ignorance is admirable, Navarone. I am happy that you are capable of it. I will leave you now. Think about all we have discussed.”

“Of course.” How could I not? Jesus. She leaned forward and brushed my cheek with one of her hands before vanishing, taking her chair with her. As soon as I stood, mine also disappeared.

I honestly didn’t know how to feel about what just happened, so I put it to the back of my mind and walked over to Jak. His eyes were starting to look somewhat… sunken as they focused on one of his metal golem’s hands. He didn’t look up as I approached. “Hey Jak.”

He blinked and then his head slowly turned to look up at me. “Forerunner. How long has it been since… Since we last spoke?”

“Two or three weeks, probably.”

He stood up to his full height, put a hand to his back, and puffed his chest out. A groan escaped his lips as he stretched and started limbering up. “Oooh, I have been in this cursed place for far too long. What time is it?”

“Morning. I just bought a house. It’s got room for a workshop. If you come back with me, you’re welcome to outfit it.”

“I very much like that idea, lassie. I need some time away from… this. Come along, now.” He wrapped one of his hands around my tiny waist and placed me on his shoulder, then placed a hand on my lap to keep me in place. I didn’t say anything as he carried me back, but I did take a moment to wonder when he started looking at me like a granddaughter. “So what manner of estate have you acquired, hmm?”

“A really nice one. It’s got tons of room, a nice view, and a good aesthetic.”

“Good. You need me to make you lots of toys?”

“If by toys you mean golems, then fuck yes. I’d love to see some of those horrifying things guarding my house.” I wouldn’t have to pay them, either. “How’s the new one coming?”

“It’s doing well, lass,” he said. We finally got up to the top of the stairs and he placed me down next to him, then opened the book to suck us both in. We immediately got deposited in my room. When I looked around, I found that all the stuff past-me decided was future-me’s problems was gone and Kat was opening window blinds and humming. “I should have the next one outfitted within a week. It’ll take me another week or so to get all the runes inlaid. After that, I’ll bring the magic online and start fine-tuning it.” He walked over to the wall and looked down. “You definitely did good, lassie,” he said, nodding.

I walked up next to him and peered out. The storm was over, leaving the entire place coated in thick white snow. Spider was crawling around his tree, shaking snow off the branches. One of the guard squads was idly wandering around, poking into buildings and checking out the land.

“Both of the ships are gone,” Kat said when the windows were all wide open. “Gourd wanted to pick up the rest of the treasure while the weather was still clear.”

“Even if it’s crisp and cold as fuck,” I said. The windows were doing a surprisingly good job of keeping the chill out. “I guess I should have asked how much running this building normally charges a month, huh?”

“That’s why you have an accountant,” Kat said. “Silver took a guard and is running around the city now, making sure all the bills are in your name.”

“Is Smiles nearby?” Jak asked.

“Yeah, his lazy ass is around here somewhere,” I replied. “You want the full tour?”

“No need to worry yourself, lassie. I can smell laziness. I’ll find him.” He patted my shoulder for a moment. “Keep an eye on our friend Athena for now, if you don’t mind. I think I’ve spent a little bit too long with her, myself.”

“I agree,” I said. “Walk around the city a little. Get oriented. Outfit the shop whenever you’re ready. If you need extra money, let me know and I’ll handle it.”

He grunted. “I think I’ll start with some tea. I will see you later, forerunner.” He finally ducked out my doorway and started looking around the house. Hopefully he’d kick Smiles in gear and keep him from being annoying.

That left me in my room with a grinning Kat. “Are you finally ready to greet the day, Nav?” she asked.

“No, go fuck yourself.” She actually giggled. “I ain’t doing shit today. It’s cold as fuck and I’m not feeling it. I finally have a house and enough money to make other people do my shit for me. My ass is going in the tub all fucking day."

She shook her head, still grinning. “I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that anymore, Nav,” she sighed. “We live in Canterlot now. You don’t get to have lazy days. You can’t just… laze about all day in your own filth, as appealing as you might find it. There are better uses for your time.”

I walked over and placed my hands on Kat’s shoulders. “If I don’t have my lazy days, I will literally murder people.” She lifted an eyebrow. “Actually, let me rephrase that. You will murder people for me.”

She nodded. “I understand the sentiment, but I’m afraid that’s still not—”

I placed a finger on her mouth, shutting her up. “Sssh.” Her head tilted slightly. “When have we stopped moving, Kat?” I asked.

“...Never. I’ve only known you to settle once, and it wasn’t for long…”

“I’m gonna let you in on a secret, Kat.”

“...It’s just the two of us here, Nav,” she replied, her wide eyes moving around the empty room.

“I am a boring, introverted homebody. I’m gonna be lazy all I want. There are gonna be days when I will lock that door and no one will see me. I don’t have to pretend to care about things anymore. All the stupid bullshit is… out there.”

She took a step back. “Nav, did you buy this house specifically to hide yourself away?”

“Fuck yes I did. Kat, I haven’t had a chance to be me in years. I haven’t really felt like I could relax in years. I got this house because I knew I could sequester myself all I wanted here.”

“And you thought we’d… let you?” she asked, her eyes glimmering in delight.

“You and Fleur may think you can dictate my life however you please, but don’t you forget for a moment who you swore to, Kat. You obey me. You obey my words. You don’t make deals behind my back. You don’t conspire against me. You either obey me, or you lose my trust.”

“...There are times you don’t make it easy, Nav.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you should have considered that before cutting your palm open.”

She rolled her eyes. “Ugh, don’t be like that.” I sighed and walked over to my desk, then sat in the chair. She followed, of course. “This new home is going to be an adjustment for all of us,” she said, trying to sound diplomatic.

“Why do you wake up in the morning?” I asked. She blinked and opened her mouth, but I kept going, “And don’t start with some bullshit about how you wake up for me. What keeps you going, Kat? What’s your energy source?”

“...Not having a choice usually does it.”

“Never let it be said that I won’t give you a choice,” I replied. “You say the word and I’ll give you all the gold you can carry and you’ll never hear from me again. But I’m giving you that choice right now, Kat. You can either obey me, or you can get lost.

“...That’s a very unwise choice to give me,” she replied, walking up to the table.

“You can either work for me, or get out of this house. Working for me means doing what I tell you, not what Fleur tells you. Not what Taya tells you. Not what Twilight tells you. I’ll give you a satchel full of gold and send you on your way if you want to make deals behind my back, but here, in my house, my word is law. And if I say I’m taking a fucking lazy day, you will either stand by my door with a sword in your hand or you’ll be lazing around with me.”

“Have you ever been called… remarkable before?” she slowly asked.

“Go fuck yourself.”

She sighed and placed her paws on the table. “Nav…”

“I’m stretched thin, Kat. I’m literally a soulless automaton. I have been dealing with nonstop bullshit since I was created. I don’t think I need to spend time listing the bullshit I’ve been through.

“I’m not denying you need a break,” she said.

“This house is that break,” I said. “I… I can’t do it anymore, Kat. I can’t just keep pretending to fucking care about people!”

“It’s difficult, I know,” she said.

“Fuck yeah it’s difficult,” I said. “I surround myself with people like you to give me days away from everything else. This new home is going to be an adjustment, but it’s not going to be for me. For me, it’s like I’m finally really home. The adjustment will be for everyone else around me.”

“I… don’t think that’s what some of us were expecting.”

“Kat, we’re both apex predators. We don’t fuck around when it comes to relaxing. I need this. I need time. There are going to be days when I’m just not in the mood for dealing with anything. Especially when my period kicks in. I just can’t keep pretending to care about things. I just… I’m losing it.”

Her eyes moved to my hair for a moment. “Taya mentioned that you get moody in the winter.”

“Yeah, I do. It’s cold as fuck and I don’t have the energy to deal with stupid bullshit.”

She sighed and her shoulders slumped. “We weren’t expecting this at all…”

I grinned and leaned back. “We who?”

“Some of us were hoping you would… take to Canterlot better.”

“Kat, I’m not stupid and I don’t play games. Spill the beans.”

She sighed and finally fell into the chair across from me. “The people you’ve surrounded yourself with aren’t stupid either, Nav. Watcher. Gourd. Me. Doppel. Fleur. Taya. We’ve noticed that your behavior is different. We’ve noticed that you’ve begun to… fade. And we want to keep it from happening.”

“Fade… how?” I slowly asked.

“Nothing holds your attention as long, for one thing. You don’t seem to have any close relationships aside from Taya. You don’t seem to… feel anything. You just mimic. It’s like you’re… some manner of amorphous sludge sometimes, Nav.”

“Way to make a lady feel pretty,” I sighed.

“You don’t have any opinions, you don’t care about anything, you have nothing holding you down and nothing that you value. You don’t care what anyone else thinks, you don’t care what anyone else does. You don’t care about looking pretty, you don’t care about getting married. You don’t want children, you don’t want power, you don’t want friends. You don’t want gold or acclaim. Your entire species is dead and all that’s left are remnants. You are, as you said, a soulless automaton. And your friends are worried about you.”

I leaned forward and tapped my forehead with a finger. “There’s not much going on up here, Kat.”

“We all know, Nav. Winter is tough for everyone. You’re even worse off, after what Celestia did to you.”

I shook my head. “It’s not just winter, Kat. There hasn’t been anyone home in my head for a long time.” She blinked. “I haven’t cared about anything in a very, very long time. I can’t remember ever really caring about something, in fact. I’ve been fighting for other people since I got to Equestria. I don’t have to anymore. I don’t have to pretend to care. Why the fuck would I?”

“Gourd thinks you do care. He thinks you hide it well, but he’s trying to find it.”

“Gourd’s an annoying busybody,” I replied.

“Watcher thinks you’re worried.”

“Watcher’s an old man at the end of his time.”

“Doppel thinks you’re biding your time.”

“Doppel’s an old washed up slut.”

“Fleur—”

“Is not me.”

“...No, I suppose Fleur is not you. I suppose none of us are.”

“You all have expectations of me.”

“Absolutely.”

“And?”

She paused. A few moments later, her head tilted. “...And? Forgive me, I don’t understand.”

“Do you think this is a zoo, Kat?” She flinched. “I don’t give a single fuck what any of you people expect from me. I’ve gone through hell to get here. Like, I think I’ve actually seen hell, or at least some parts of it. You better fucking believe I’m faded, Kat. Because I’ve been through horrible shit. My mind has been torn asunder, literally, by who knows how many powerful entities. There’s no making me care anymore. Your worries are too late. I’m already dead inside.”

“Now you’re just being dramatic.”

“Fuck you, I’ll be emo if I want to.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m tired, Kat. Ever since I got here, everyone’s thought I’ve been distant. I’m just… not like you guys. Nothing’s really clicked for me. Taya’s the only thing here that I can say I care about, and even then, sometimes I wonder.”

“You’ve never had a soul.”

“Technically speaking, I guess I never did.”

“You think Discord’s stringing you along and he’ll make you disappear right before you can get your soul.”

“I think that’s a pretty good guess.”

“And you don’t think anything’s really worth the time just in case that’s what happens.”

“Bingo.”

“You’re almost there, Nav. Don’t let yourself fade away just yet.”

“I’m not gonna.”

“You do care.”

“...I might.”

She smirked. “Taya was right!” She hopped out of the chair, leaned across the table, and placed her paws against my face. “You’re worried about us!”

“...What?”

“You’re trying to protect us from Discord by distancing yourself from us!”

“No, I’m legitimately just a piece of shit.” I grabbed her paws and pulled them away from my face.

Her smile disappeared. “You aren’t making this easy.”

“I know, right? Sit down.” She did so, but she went back to smiling. “I don’t know who or what I am, Kat. For all I know, I could disappear at any moment or be forced to turn on everyone. I suspect that Discord made me, but I might be wrong. He hasn’t really popped in for a visit recently, or I would ask.”

“Let’s fix that,” an eerily familiar male voice said. I tried to stand, but something just sucked all the energy out of my body and I collapsed into my chair. “Please ladies, no need to rise.”

A kaleidoscopic disc of colors appeared above the desk. It quickly grew in size before engulfing the entire room. It finally disappeared, leaving a truly horrific chimera, a hideous amalgamation of creatures. It was the shape that Twilight called a draconequus. It was a shape I called butt-ugly.

At the moment, it was a shape that was facing me and grinning at me with its weird snaggletooth. “Good morning,” it said.

“...Howdy.” It continued staring at me with its fucked up yellow and red eyes and I awkwardly stared back. “Um. Can you… like, fuck off?”

“Surely the great Anonymous can do better than that,” it sarcastically replied.

“The great Anonymous had decades of planning, billions of dollars, and the backing of a good chunk of the planet. I’m afraid you’re dealing with the poor Navarone, not the great Anonymous. At the moment, asking you to fuck off is all I got.”

It snorted. “He was certainly a lot less polite than you are. He didn’t even let me say hello before yelling at me.”

“Have you considered… not being a complete dickwad?”

It disappeared, but I felt its presence behind me. I finally looked at Kat. Her eyes were wide open and she was twitching, like she was trying to move.

“I’ve considered many things, Navarone. Why… Navarone? Of all the names, why that one?”

“I dunno.”

Its mismatched hands appeared on my shoulders. They felt like nettles stinging my shoulders. “I do so adore that about your race. You put meaning into everything. Including this visit, I might add.”

“Yeah, I was kinda curious about that,” I said. “Not much going on this morning, huh? Decided to pay me a visit?”

“Yes.”

“...You bring donuts?”

“You wouldn’t eat them if I had. You’re creeped out.”

“And in pain. Your hands are not pleasant.” It slowly pulled them away and began floating around the room. I realized I could track its movements without even looking at it, just from the feeling of energy in the air. “Did you create me?”

“I did.” Welp, so much for worshipping god. Guess Discord’s the one, now.

“Why?”

“It’s not time for that question yet,” it replied.

“...Did you create me just to watch me suffer?”

“No, but I’ve been greatly enjoying it.”

“Man, fuck you.”

It suddenly appeared right in my face, its nose against mine. “Does the great Lady Navarone seek to add a new being to her list of conquered species?” My entire face was burning and I couldn’t pull away. Thankfully, he pulled away from me and turned his attentions to Kat. “Oh me oh my, the poor little kitty’s heart sounds like it’s about to burst. She cares for her mistress ever-so-much.” Kat bared her teeth at it and hissed. “Bad kitty!” He made a squirt bottle appear out of nowhere and squirted her with it. She flinched and sneezed. “Ugh, detestable thing. You should do yourself a favor and get a dog.”

“So why are you here?” I finally asked.

“I dunno.” God dammit. “Why are you here?” it replied.

“Because this is my bedroom,” I said with a shrug. “Only seems fair that I be here.”

“And you are my creation,” it said. “It only seems fair that I be wherever you are.”

“...Alright, that makes sense.” It left Kat alone and began roaming around the room again. “You know I wanna kill you, right?”

“That’s fine.”

“I don’t think I’m gonna succeed.”

“You’re very pessimistic.” It snapped its talons and Kat’s body lifted off the chair. It snapped again and all of her clothes vanished, only to be replaced by a bright pink cheerleader outfit. Her gloves were replaced by pom poms. “I think you need a cute cheerleader to brighten up your day!” Kat looked about as horrified as I felt, though I couldn’t deny that she was cute. “Let’s see a cheer!”

Kat dropped the pom poms, bared her claws, and pounced at the motherfucker.

He let her impact him and start tearing away at him, laughing all the while. Kat’s claws and teeth weren’t doing anything against him, of course. He was just giggling as she tried attacking his body.

“Kat, stop embarrassing yourself,” I said.

She finally pulled away from him and placed herself in front of me. I would have pushed her aside, but I still couldn’t move.

“That was certainly an inventive cheer,” it said with a grin.

“You showed yourself for a reason,” I said. “You’re not here right now just to dick around.”

“Did I? How very human of you, to assign motives to another. Perhaps I just wanted to say hello.”

“Right, forgive me for being an ungracious host. Hello, thing that literally destroyed my entire race.” He very theatrically bowed, then disappeared.

My body erupted with energy and I finally shot out of my chair. I looked all around the room, but the thing was gone. “What was that?” Kat asked.

“Discord,” I said. “Take those clothes off.” She looked down at herself with wide eyes.

As she started losing the cheerleader outfit, I ran to the door and flung it open. There was thankfully no one there, so I ran down the hall to Taya’s room and opened her door. She was still sleeping. I walked over to the bed and gripped her shoulders, then shook. “Uugh, whaaaat?”

“Get up.” She groaned and pulled away. I grabbed her again. “Taya, wake up!” I yelled.

She jerked away. “It’s too early, mommy!”

“Now, Taya!” She finally heard the urgency in my voice and her eyes popped open. She saw my face and her mouth dropped. “Get up, let’s go.” I dropped her and ran back to my room, where Kat had all the clothes from Discord piled up. She was wrapped up in a towel.

“What’s going on?” Taya asked when she got in my room.

“Burn those clothes,” I said. “Burn them until there’s nothing left, not even ash.”

“Mommy—”

“Now!” Taya’s horn lit up and the pile of clothes disappeared in a bright flash. Kat and I both sighed in relief. “How do you feel, Kat?” I asked.

“Scared out of my mind,” she replied. “You?”

“Same. I do kinda want donuts, though.”

“...Donuts would be nice,” she idly whispered.

“Mommy, why did you wake me up?” my loving daughter finally asked.

“Discord popped in for a visit,” I said. She gasped and I walked back over to my chair and sat my ass back down. By the time I did, Taya was right next to me. “Dude was legit horrifying.”

“He didn’t… he didn’t hurt you, did he?” she asked.

“No. He just left me with a lot more questions.”

“Did he… tell you anything at all?”

“He was remarkably unhelpful,” I said. “I was kinda expecting a grand speech about how I uncovered his big plot or something. Instead, he just said hello and turned Kat into a cheerleader.”

“...That sounds like him,” Taya said, her eyes looking down. I leaned in and hugged her. “I’m glad you’re safe, mommy.”

“I’m glad I’m safe, too. You can go back to bed now, Taya.”

“What?” She pulled away from the hug, confusion in her eyes. “What do you mean, go back to bed? Isn’t he here?!”

Kat and I looked around the room again before my eyes found Taya’s again. “I mean, probably. But fuck, what are you gonna do? He’s gonna be here all day. You might as well deal with his bullshit fully rested.”

“And leave you alone against him? You can’t even do magic!”

“He could snap his fingers and make me disappear. The one thing he very concretely told me is that he did, in fact, create me. I assume that if he made me, he can unmake me just like that,” I said with a snap. Before I could continue, I found myself somewhere very unexpected. Namely, strapped onto a table in front of Celestia.

Her horn lit up and my open mouth shut itself. She placed a hoof on my chest and closed her eyes, then started muttering. I couldn’t understand what she was saying, but the words made my skin crawl and I heard whispered murmurs begin replying. My skin around her hoof started freezing and I began shivering. I idly struggled against the bonds, just to test them. As I did so, I heard the faint rattling of chains.

Celestia’s horn lit up brighter and six pieces of chalk appeared around her. One piece of chalk went to each wall and began drawing weirdly flowing shapes. Her volume slowly rose and the chalk began moving faster. Soon, all the pieces were moving faster than I could follow. She was speaking at a conversational tone, but the words were coming so quickly that I had no idea what she was saying. And it sounded like hundreds of people were replying to her, the meaning completely incomprehensible to me.

Finally, she stepped back from me and just stared. The ceiling and walls were covered in a strange script that seemed to change every time I saw it. “Hello, Discord,” she coldly said.

I waited for a reply, but none came. She was still staring at me. “I don’t think he’s coming,” I said.

“Don’t play games with me.”

“Celestia, do I look like I’m fucking around?” I asked. She lifted an eyebrow. “The dude just appeared in my fucking bedroom and told me he created me. Then he vanished without a trace. Will you let me go?”

“No.”

“Why am I here, Celestia?”

“Moonbeam and I did not spend all of our time in idleness,” she said. “We knew you might return someday, so we prepared a special prison for you. This is that prison.”

“...Are you fucking shitting me?” I asked.

“Vulgar as always, I see,” she said. “Well, do you have any last words before I lock you away for all time?”

“Um. I’m not Discord?” She snorted. “Celestia, open your eyes. If I was Discord, do you think these chains would bind me? Do you think you could have even teleported me in here? Do you even know what you’re dealing with, Celestia?”

“I know I’m about to leave and melt the key behind me. You know, I was honestly expecting more from the resurgence of Discord. Navarone was a very interesting piece to play, but he wasn’t nearly clever enough.”

“...That’s kinda hurtful,” I said.

“I’m not sorry,” she replied. “He wasn’t nearly as chaotic as anything Luna and I were expecting, which is why it took us so long to realize you were involved. Driving her away from me was a nice touch, but useless in the end. Now that I know it was your doing, I shall have her back at my side post-haste.”

“Can I maybe convince you that I’m not Discord?” I asked.

“No.”

“Alright. I just want to reiterate one more time, I’m definitely not Discord.”

“Goodbye, Discord.” Her horn lit up and… nothing happened. She blinked a few times, then her horn lit up brighter.

Something cracked and I looked to my right. A weird, fucked up talon shot through a hole in the wall and grabbed Celestia’s horn. She screamed as the talon wrenched her horn off. It detached like nothing. The talon dragged the horn over to the wall and placed it against the crack it was sticking out of, then started tracing a shape I was starting to become familiar with, the creepy draconequus thing. Once the outline was complete, it appeared, still holding the horn.

“Thank you for letting me borrow this,” he said, floating back over to Celestia. It placed the horn back on her head and patted her on the cheek. “You’re such a good filly.”

“How did you break free?” Celestia growled.

“I was never imprisoned, silly,” he said. “I knew bothering our good friend Navi would get your attention.” He reached down and pried the chains off of me. “There you are, dear.”

“Thank you,” I said. I had absolutely no energy to move anywhere, but at least I wasn’t chained down anymore.

“My pleasure,” he said, winking at me. Celestia’s eyes narrowed. “So, I believe we’ve all met,” he said. Celestia’s horn lit up brighter and nothing happened.

“Hey uh, you guys mind if I scoot on out?” I asked. “I think you two need some alone time. And honestly, I’m really not in the mood for guests this morning.”

“That might be best,” Discord said, grinning darkly. Celestia’s eyes widened, but before she could say anything, I was once more in my chair.

Taya was sobbing on the floor and Kat was gone. My daughter was the obvious choice, so I quickly swooped in and hugged her. “I’m right here,” I whispered. When she felt me hug her, she gasped. Her magic grabbed my body before laying me flat on the ground. When she ascertained that I did, in fact, exist, she sobbed again and hugged me. Her magic let me go so I could hug her back.

Before I could ask her what was going on, Watcher and Sentinel both teleported in, horns lit up bright. “Heard there was trouble, ma’am,” Watcher said.

“That there most definitely is,” I said. “And I have a feeling this isn’t the end of it, either. Discord appeared this morning. Might as well relax, though. He’s with Celestia now.”

“...Pardon my confusion, but is that really supposed to be relaxing?” Sentinel asked.

“I’m much happier with that thing very far away from me,” I said. “It’s… unsettling.”

“What did it want?” Watcher asked.

“...To say hello, apparently,” I replied. He and Sentinel shared a look. “No shit, dude.”

“Are you telling me that the antithesis of creation, the living embodiment of discord and chaos itself, popped in this morning to tell you hello?” Watcher asked.

“Yeah. How is this my fucking life?”

“Guess you won the lottery, my lady. Did he stick around for tea?”

“Nope. Celestia teleported me to some kind of creepy dark room, then did some weird magic to me and told me I was a prisoner for life. I told her to stop being a twat, which she didn’t appreciate.” Sentinel rolled her eyes. “Before she could leave, Discord appeared, freed me, then sent me on my way so the two of them could have a chat.”

“So what’s our next move?” Watcher asked.

“I’m thinking donuts.”

The light around his horn vanished. “Would you like an escort, my lady?” he asked.

“I think I’ll be fine without,” I said. “I thought for sure you’d be on one of those ships.”

“No ma’am,” he said. “I volunteered to sleep in this morning. It’s way too cold to be gallivanting about.”

“Go put the crotchety old man back in bed,” I said to Sentinel.

“I’m not crotchety yet!” Watcher said, slapping a hoof on the floor. “I like to think I’m very charming, in fact.”

“Fine. Go put the charming old man back in bed,” I said to Sentinel.

“As you wish, my lady,” she said with a bow. “Come along, you crotchety old stallion,” she said, herding him to the door. He grumbled, but let her lead him out.

I’m honestly surprised he just left without getting more information. My first guess is that he didn’t want to freak Taya out any more than she already had been. My second guess is that he didn’t believe me and just wanted to go back to bed.

Taya was still clutching my neck and crying, so I turned my attention back to her. “I’m still here, Taya.”

“...But you weren’t,” she mumbled.

“No, that was just Celestia being a meanie-head,” I said. “Discord’s currently giving her a talking-to, so hopefully she won’t be a problem again”

“I… I thought you were gone forever…”

Man, I wish I didn’t have to deal with this shit anymore. “I’m afraid not,” I said, patting her back. Kat finally walked back in, wearing another sun dress and gloves. “Chin up, Taya. We’ve got a long day ahead of us.”

It wasn’t as easy as that, of course. It took me about fifteen minutes to get her wrangled back to her room, where I deposited her to take a bath in peace. Kat and I met back in my room once Taya was in place.

“So that was horrifying,” Kat said.

“Oh yeah.”

“I don’t like that thing.”

“Oh no.”

“I kinda wanna kill it.”

“Join the club.”

She snorted. “So now what?”

“Now we go get donuts. Then you go do your errands and I’ll go to the palace to say hi to Celestia again. Hopefully she won’t try to imprison me for life this time. When that’s done, I’ll come back here and see where things stand.”

“You should not go to see Celestia alone.”

“Yeah, probably not. I’ll see if Twilight’s available to join me. She’s the only one that might stand a chance against Celestia.”

“...Wise. Can I pick out your next outfit?”

I sighed.

Once the two of us were ready to go, we found Taya and Doppel in the living room. I sent them to the warehouse to get a ton of gold, then told them to start buying supplies. While they were doing that, Kat and I went to get donuts.

They were pretty fucking dank.

When we left the donut shop, Kat hugged me and continued on her way, her tail wagging under her dress. I watched her for a moment before spreading my wings and flying to the palace. No part of me was looking forward to the coming meeting, but I knew I had to get it out of the way and the sooner I did, the sooner I wouldn’t have to dread it anymore.

I landed at the entrance closest to Twilight’s room, straightened my annoying flower crown that kept trying to blow away, and began walking there. The guards paid me no mind, which hopefully meant Celestia wasn’t freaking the fuck out.

For once, Twilight’s door was open. I could hear some talking as I grew closer. When I turned the corner, I found her with an older female unicorn. This one was off-white with white and purple hair. She was the one facing the door at the moment, so she was the first one to see me. When she did, her eyes widened and she cut Twilight off with, “Ah, Lady Navarone!”

That was good enough for permission for me to enter, so I continued walking in. “Yep, that’s me,” I said as Twilight turned. Her eyes widened when she saw me and she sighed, placing a hoof on her forehead. “Though I’m afraid I lack your name.”

The older mare looked at Twilight and said, “Well, aren’t you going to introduce us, honey?”

Twilight groaned and looked back up. “Hello, Nav. This is my mother, Twilight Velvet.”

Oh, fuck. “Nice to meet you,” I said, trying to sound pleasant. “Now seems like a bad time, though. I’ll come back later.”

Sparkle quickly nodded. “That would be—”

“Unnecessary,” her mother finished for her. “I don’t mind waiting for a moment, not if my daughter needs a moment with her special some… human.”

Sparkle groaned again and hung her head. “Nav’s not my special somehuman, mom,” she sighed. “We’ve been over this!”

“We also went over how you two went on a date yesterday,” she said with a wink toward her daughter. “And about your other… ahem, plans!”

Sparkle’s face lit up bright red. “M-mom, please!”

“No need to be worried, dear,” Velvet said, patting her daughter on the back. “Shiny and Cadance already gave us a grandfilly, so we’re not as worried about you anymore.”

“And technically speaking, I have kids already,” I said. “Adopted, of course, but still kids. So it wouldn’t be too big of a loss.”

“See there?” Velvet said. “Look how your special somehuman leaps to your defense!”

“Nav’s just doing it to watch me suffer,” Sparkle growled, glaring at me.

No, I’m just doing it to get punished later. Of course, she probably also knew that, but I had a feeling her mother wasn’t privy to that information. “Anyway, I came by to see if you’d be willing to join me in talking to Celestia,” I said.

“Why do you need me for that?” Twilight asked.

“Because you know her differently. If you’re not available, I can just go myself.”

“I know code phrases when I hear them,” Velvet said with a smirk. “I won’t stand in the way of a lover’s tryst.” Sparkle groaned again. “Now you treat my daughter right, Lady Navarone!”

“I’ll treat her just like a lady.” And fuck her just like a whore. “There’s nothing to be worried about, ma’am.”

She grinned sweetly. “Please, call me Velvet.”

“Of course, Velvet,” I said with a nod. “It was nice meeting you.”

“You as well, Navarone. And I’ll see you later, dear,” she said, swooping over to hug a very red-faced Sparkle. Thankfully, she teleported out after that.

“Ugh, finally,” Twilight said. “Now what did you really want?”

“I want you to join me in talking to Celestia,” I said.

She blinked. “Oh.”

“Discord paid me a visit this morning.” Her eyes jerked wide open. “After that, Celestia teleported me to some weird creepy prison thing, then did some magic on me to hold me in place. Discord showed up when she was done, set me loose, then sent me on my way. I’m hoping Celestia’s in the palace.”

“Did… did he hurt either of you?”

“He didn’t hurt me, but I have no clue what he did to Celestia. Wanna go find out?”

“Yes! What are we even waiting for? Let’s go!” She started galloping out and I sighed before following her. Given that her only real exercise for the last several months was ludicrous amounts of kinky sex with me, she got winded pretty quickly and slowed down, but didn’t stop.

We made pretty good time despite it and quickly skidded to a stop in front of Celestia’s door. Two very unpleasant looking royal guards were standing outside. They didn’t even flinch at our approach and didn’t make a move to stop us from going into her room.

Celestia wasn’t in the sitting room, so Twilight and I continued into her bedroom. There we found something that was both adorable and kinda horrifying: A very angry looking filly Celestia with no horn. She was on her bed and glaring at the ceiling when we walked in, but turned that glare to the two of us when we walked in.

“Princess, what happened?!” Twilight yelled, stopping in her tracks.

“Your friend,” she spat, glaring at me, “is Discord! He did this to me!”

Twilight looked at me in confusion. I rolled my eyes and said, “I’m not Discord, Celestia. He may have made me, but that doesn’t mean his goals are mine.”

“Aren’t they?” she growled. “You’ve split my power down the middle! You’ve destroyed my sister and tarnished my own reputation. You ended the war between the changelings and the griffins, strengthening both. You removed our assurance that the dragons wouldn’t attack! You ended a war in the far south that threatens to send new trouble our way. You unleashed over a dozen… elementals of unknown power on my kingdom! Everything you have done has threatened my power on all fronts, Navarone. You may not be Discord, but your actions paint a very clear picture of your true allegiance!”

“Celestia, don’t be a silly filly,” I said. Her eyes narrowed even more. “Let’s ask the neutral party, shall we? Twilight, do you think my actions were designed to help Discord or weaken him?”

“Don’t you consort with that thing!” Celestia shouted. “Get away from it, Twilight.”

“Nav is not our enemy,” Twilight said. Celestia’s mouth dropped and her eyes opened wide. “Everything he’s done has brought the world closer together, Princess. He’s greatly increased the amount of peace and happiness in the world. Going by everything I know of Discord, all Nav has done has weakened him.”

“While leaving us open to all kinds of threats!” Celestia shouted, jumping off the bed. “Especially now! Look at me, Twilight. I’m a filly with no horn! How can I defend Equestria like this?!”

“Taya’s gotten pretty good at weaponized cuteness,” I said with a shrug. “You’re definitely adorable enough to pull it off.” Celestia’s teeth started grinding so loudly I almost thought they’d break. “I think someone needs a belly rub!”

“If you touch me, I’m calling the guards,” she very coldly replied.

“That’s not what you were saying a few weeks ago!”

“Nav, please… please stop messing with the princess,” Twilight said. “Please.”

“Only if she stops calling me Discord,” I said.

“Princess, please stop alienating one of your most powerful allies,” Twilight said.

“That soulless abomination?” she said, looking me up and down. “I see no power there. Just a construction built to lie and lead the world into darkness. It seems that you’re lapping up every word it says with a smile on your face, Twilight.”

“Hey man, you had a smile on your face the last time you were lapping up something of mine, too,” I said with a smirk. Twilight slapped me across the face with magic, but I didn’t regret it at all. Judging by the blush on Celestia’s face, I scored a pretty good hit, too.

“Princess, you taught me to trust my instincts. You also taught me to trust my friends. My instincts are telling me that my friend isn’t Discord or an ally of Discord.”

“Discord put you in power, Celestia,” I said, crossing my arms. “And he created Chrysalis. He also cursed you and Luna with the Elements of Harmony. You’ve spent six thousand years trying to sweep that under the rug, but I know you’ve never forgotten it. We’re pretty similar, you and I.”

“Maybe. At least I have a soul!”

“You sure about that?” I asked. “If you have one left, it’s gotta be black as night. You murder ponies who ask questions or sentence them to be changeling food. You’ve summoned demons in the middle of population centers. You’ve started and continued wars between other species to keep them weak. I could keep naming things, but I’m not gonna waste my breath. In short, you are the most evil person I have ever heard of in the entire history of the world, barring Discord himself. You may have a soul, but don’t you dare call yourself better than me because of it.”

“I don’t need to be lectured on what is and isn’t evil by an agent of Discord!”

I looked down at Twilight. She sighed and said, “That all sounds pretty evil, Princess.”

“I did what I had to do to keep my ponies safe,” Celestia growled. “It may have been evil, but it was necessary!”

“Spoken like a true evil dictator,” I said. “Stalin would be proud.” She started grinding her teeth again. “Anyway, why did Discord turn you into a filly and steal your horn? Those seem like weird choices.”

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” Celestia replied.

I looked down at Twilight again, who rolled her eyes and asked, “Why did Discord turn you into a filly and steal your horn, Princess?”

She snorted and said, “To teach me a lesson, apparently. This is supposedly what I get for snooping, eavesdropping, and… ugh, acting like a little filly. I detest that thing! I had forgotten how incorrigible it was. I’m surprised I didn’t realize Nav was Discord this whole time, since they act almost exactly alike.”

“...That’s kinda hurtful,” I said.

“I’m not sorry,” she immediately replied.

“Well you should be!” Twilight said. “We’re all working together to defeat Discord, Princess, whether you like it or not. We can’t afford to work against each other and we can’t afford to fight. That’s just what Discord wants!”

“What, you’re saying this is his way of dividing and conquering?” I asked. She nodded. “Yeah, that does kinda make sense. I was planning on being in Canterlot for a little while. He might not want us to work together on a way of killing him. Convincing Celestia I’m the boogeyman would also force me to get this show on the road, which I’m not ready to do yet.”

“I’m not working with anything created by Discord,” Celestia said, slapping a tiny hoof on the floor.

“Tell that to Moonbeam,” I said. She growled. “And yourself, for that matter. Because remember, you got all your power from him. Way I figure, if I’m dancing to Discord’s tune because he made me, so are you and Moonbeam.”

“Nav’s right, Princess,” Twilight said. “You’ve done some terrible, terrible things. Some of them have done more to empower Discord than anything Nav’s ever done.” Fucking wrecked.

“I feel like we’ve had this conversation more than once,” I said. “It always goes around and around about how you’re not a terrible person for doing what needed to be done to protect your ponies, even though the things you did were seriously fucked up. Way I figure, if you can’t admit that you may have screwed the pooch a time or two, I ain’t got no business here.”

“I have made mistakes,” Celestia said. “The biggest one was ever trusting you.”

“See, now we’re getting somewhere,” I said.

Twilight kicked my shin, which really fucking hurt. It also made Celestia smirk. “I have an idea,” Twilight said. “I can cast Deceit’s End. That way we can prove that he wants to kill Discord.”

“Except spells don’t work on Discord,” Celestia said.

“Proof’s in the pudding, then,” I said. “How many times have you horny bastards coerced me into doing bullshit with spells? If spells don’t work on Discord and if spells do work on me, then I can’t be Discord. Boom, get logic’d!”

“Spells don’t work on Discord unless he wants them to,” Celestia shot back.

“Now that’s just being contrarian,” I said.

“Stop being contrarian, Princess,” Twilight said.

“I’m not being contrarian!” Celestia shouted. Twilight’s horn lit up and I smirked. “Ugh, fine! Ask him your stupid questions! But it won’t prove anything.”

Twilight turned back to me. “What color is the sky?” she asked.

“Green.” Her horn lit back up. “I’m trying to kill Discord.” The light died off. “Boom, get spell’d!”

“Except it still doesn’t mean anything,” Celestia said.

“Have you ever seen spells work against Discord?” Twilight asked.

“That doesn’t matter,” Celestia said.

“So proof doesn’t matter to you?” I asked.

“That’s not what I meant at all,” she said. “Discord is a master of lies and he’s obscenely powerful. We all know what he’s capable of!”

“Can you stop being retarded for like five seconds?” I asked. Her eyes opened so wide I thought they might be about to bulge out of her cute little head. “I mean, god damn, woman. How many mental gymnastics are you gonna jump through? All you’re doing is talking in circles. I’m Discord because you know I’m Discord. You’ll take Discord’s word that he created me, but you won’t take my word that I’m working against him. You’re looking at proof I’m not him, but you don’t believe it because it doesn’t support what you already believe. No wonder you kill people who ask questions; you’re so blinded by your own arrogance you wouldn’t even begin to know how to answer them!”

“And what would you suggest I do?” she asked. “Work with a creation of life’s mortal enemy? How could I ever trust you?”

“Well, I’m working on getting a soul,” I said. “So far, everyone I’ve spoken to seems to think that’ll free me from whatever fate Discord has in mind. If you’ll recall, that’s part of why you let Twilight start learning about necromancy.”

“But you don’t have it yet,” she said.

“It’s attached to my body already, but it’s not actually in my body yet. That’s gonna be one of the things I’ll work on while we’re in Tartarus. There’s no guarantee the process will work for sure, but it’s a pretty good bet.” She snorted. “It’s the best I got, honeybuns.”

“Don’t you start with me,” she said.

“Nav, don’t you start with her,” Twilight said. I rolled my eyes. “Princess, the elementals have suspected that Nav was created by Discord for some time. They’re choosing to work with him and trust him regardless.” I wouldn’t say they’re choosing to trust me, but at least they’re working with me.

“The elementals have no bearing on me at all,” Celestia said. “I don’t care what they think or do.” Twilight’s horn lit up, somewhat surprisingly. I’m starting to think a certain filly might need a time out. Or a spanking.

“Now I understand why Discord turned you into a filly,” Twilight said, shaking her head. “You’re acting just like a foal.”

“How dare you!”

“It’s true!” Twilight said. “You’re looking right at the facts but you’re refusing to accept them. That’s exactly what a foal does. You have no proof at all for any of your claims about Nav, but you’ve already made up your mind so it doesn’t matter!”

“Boom, get school’d!” I said. Twilight kicked me again, but it was worth it.

“I don’t need this!” filly Celestia shouted. “Get out, both of you!” She disappeared in a flash. When that flash was gone, Twilight and I were looking at a baby Celestia. She was even wearing a diaper and had a pacifier in her mouth. One of her hooves held a rattle. I couldn’t stop myself from cracking up, but Twilight gasped. When Celestia realized what happened and that I was laughing at her, she threw the rattle at me as hard as she could. With her little bitty baby muscles, it made it half a meter before tumbling to the floor and rolling away. She glared at it for a moment before turning her sullen gaze to me.

“Are… are you okay?” Twilight asked.

Celestia spit the pacifier out and started making adorable baby noises. That made me giggle even more, which in turn made her start wailing. Twilight sighed and walked over to her, then lifted her with magic. “Nav, go… I don’t know, go somewhere else. I’ll see what I can do about fixing her.”

“Want me to send for extra diapers?” I asked between laughs. “Maybe some baby food? Oh, I know, I’ve got to find a camera! The newspapers are gonna love this!” Twilight groaned and teleported me to the other side of Celestia’s door. “Heh, totally birth it.” Neither of the guards even cracked a smile. “Get it? Because she’s a newborn?” Their eyes didn’t even twitch toward me. “Man, fuck you guys.” The lameos still didn’t reply, so I just left.

The flight back home was pretty nice, aside from being cold as fuck. It was also uneventful, so I got back quickly. The airships were still gone, somewhat surprisingly.

When I walked inside, I discovered that one of my guards was posted on the other side of the door. He hopped up and saluted when I entered. “The estate is safe and secure, my lady,” he said.

“Cool beans. Anything going on?”

“Both of the ships returned and dropped off more treasure. Captain Gourd thinks this will be the last trip. Doppel and Taya have been teleporting goods in since you left. Jak dragged Smiles out to go get supplies a few minutes ago. It’s been quiet, other than those.”

“Good. Is Kat back yet?”

“Not that I know of, my lady.”

Wow, I might actually have a few minutes to myself today. “If any guests come by or anything of note happens, let me know,” I said.

“As you command, my lady,” he said with a nod. I continued walking past him and then went right up the stairs to my room. When I got there, I closed the door and left a trail of clothes to the bath, where I proceeded to luxuriate in the hot, soapless water. Well, until a few bars of soap teleported in with a familiar crack of magic, at which point I finally cleaned myself up. By the time my body was clean, some hair cleaning stuff teleported in as well and I got started on washing my ridiculously long hair.

It was pretty fucking nice.

The arrival of Kat with Fleur in tow kinda ruined it, though. Especially since Kat just let herself into my room and Fleur followed behind her. Kat was carrying a few bags that she set next to the door. It took them no time at all for them to find the trail of clothes and follow it to me.

“Just let yourselves in and make yourselves at home, why don’t you?” I sarcastically asked, making no move to cover myself.

“It’s not like there’s any part of you we haven’t seen,” Kat said.

“Though I do apologize for the intrusion,” Fleur said. “Katrina assured me you wouldn’t mind.”

“Yeah, I’m just fucking with you. Today’s been a really shitty day.”

“Yes, Katrina has… given me a few of the details.”

“She missed the part where Discord turned Celestia into a newborn foal and also stole her horn.” Kat cracked up, but Fleur gasped in horror. “Apparently it was to teach her a lesson about being a bitch. It didn’t work, because she continued being a bitch. Twilight’s working to reverse it now.”

“So w-what do we do?” Fleur asked. “If he’s really active, we can’t just do nothing!”

“Why not?” I asked. She blinked. “Dude’s been free since before I got here. If he wanted to do something, he’d do it. At the moment, he’s just watching and waiting. Way I figure, there ain’t no hurry. He just popped in this morning to start drama, and it worked. So for now, I’m content to just move at my own pace. He can suck a big ol’ bag of dicks.”

“I… see. And what about Celestia?” she asked. “If she’s truly a foal, now might be an excellent time to… see to certain things.”

“It’s too soon,” I said. “Twilight’s not necessarily on our side yet.”

“Very well,” she replied, though she sounded doubtful.

“So what do you think about the house?” I asked.

“It’s lovely,” she said. “I’m looking forward to seeing you turn it into a manor befitting the great lady of nature.”

“It’s certainly gonna be a journey,” I said. “Do you have any plans for the party yet?”

“Oh, absolutely,” she said. “That will also be where we officially announce that you’re going to compete in the pageant. I can go ahead and get a few interviews lined up, after that.”

“I’ll warn you now that I’m leaving in a week and I’m not entirely sure when I’ll be back,” I said.

“What? Already? I thought you said you would be here for a while!”

“Twilight wants to go to a festival with me,” I said. “After that, I’m going to see if I can break into a human facility. With luck, I’ll be back within two weeks.”

“What manner of festival?” Fleur asked.

“A griffin fertility one,” I said. “I’m predicting a whole lot of boning going on. I’m gonna be in disguise, so I’m probably going to have a lot of fun.”

“That sounds… interesting,” Fleur slowly said. “I advise caution. Especially around a substance called mead.”

“I’ll be fine,” I said, waving a hand.

“Especially with me there to protect you,” Kat said with a nod.

“Nope, not gonna happen,” I replied. “It’s just gonna be me and Twilight.”

“That isn’t like her,” Kat slowly said.

“We have our reasons. Besides, it would be hard for me to go in disguise with you there.”

“It’s going to put us behind schedule,” Fleur said. “But we can make it work. What plans do you have until then?”

“I was thinking about going to see the mages tomorrow, unless shit hits the fan. Otherwise, I don’t have anything in mind.”

“Excellent. There’s a soiree in a few hours. You and Blossom are both going to be there.”

“‘Kay.”

She waited for more, but I didn’t have anything else to say. “...Right. Good. Kat knows the details. She’ll fill you in while you get ready.”

“Alrighty.”

Fleur and Kat shared a short look before their gazes turned back to me. “You agreed to that fairly quickly,” Kat said.

“I know.”

“I find that disconcerting,” Fleur said.

“Okay.”

“I think we’re both wondering why,” Kat said.

“Oh.”

Fleur sighed and asked, “Why did you agree so quickly?”

“Because I don’t want to fade away and become like Discord. I’d rather force myself to get out and socialize and prepare my body for my new soul than sit in this house and rot. Maybe I’ll enjoy it, maybe I won’t. At least I’ll be working on my reputation.”

“Which affects all of us,” Kat said. “The way you are seen changes how ponies treat the members of your house. Especially those of us who aren’t ponies ourselves.”

“As your reputation improves, you’ll likely find yourself being approached by suitors,” Fleur said. “As will some of your vassals and servants. I imagine the mood around your house will also lighten.”

“All of us know we have a long road ahead,” Kat said. “Morale isn’t exactly the highest. A lot of the guards are wondering what we’re going to do after the trip is over. You’ve made no signs that you have any long-term plans, so some of them are thinking they’ll be jobless.”

“Jobless and rich,” I said. “Once Silver Quill gets that treasure from the dragon doled out, none of them will need to work a day in their lives, unless they want to.”

“Serving a noble with a dark reputation still surrounds them with stigmas,” Fleur said. “Becoming beloved and accepted in Canterlot will likely increase their morale. Making sure they know you have no intention of retiring after this adventure will also help.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” I said. “Having a bad reputation is bad for everyone, not just me. I’m working on it.”

“No, you’re being lazy,” Kat said. “Even being seen in Canterlot doing normal things can help.”

“Fucking fine, Jesus,” I said, standing up. Water started falling off my body and Fleur floated me a towel. I uncorked the tub and stepped out, drying myself off. “You don’t have to fucking ride my ass about this, damn.”

“Apparently we do,” Fleur said. “Of course, that’s what friends are for!”

Ugh. “What the fuck ever. So what are we doing, Kat? Whatever it is better be either inside or near a fire, because I’m not in the mood to freeze my nipples off.”

“I’m sure we’ll figure something out,” she said with a very unpleasant smirk.

By that, she apparently meant that we were going to a play. It was pretty shitty and uncomfortably long. After that, we went to get food. By the time we finished there, it was time for the stupid soiree. I really didn’t want to go, but Kat was extremely insistent.

We spent an hour at the stupid party. Most of my time was spent near a wall with Blossom and Kat, cursing existence and dreading ever having been born.

I decided I was done being around ponies before the party was over and decided to call it. Kat pouted at me, but she didn’t try to stop me from heading toward home.

The pouting stopped when I locked arms with her, though. It looked super cute to everyone else, but the real reason I did it was to stop myself from slipping on the icy roads. And if I ended up slipping anyway, at least I’d take her with me.

When we got back inside, the first person we saw was Doppel, who walked to the foyer from the kitchen when she heard the door open. She grinned when she saw me. “Welcome back, mistress.”

“It’s good to be home,” I said. “How did the search for supplies go?”

“Very well. We outfitted all the bedrooms and bathrooms. We got most of the basic kitchen supplies. All of the cleaning closets have been set up and we also put in a few basic first aid kits, in case a unicorn isn’t available. We’ll begin looking for paintings tomorrow, unless you want to paint some yourself.”

“I wouldn’t be able to now anyway,” I said. “I don’t have an elemental in me anymore.”

“Oh. We’ll also look for other decorations and things a house might need,” she said. “I do have a recommendation, though: You should get a wagon. It’ll make moving large quantities of goods easier and it means we won’t require a unicorn to move basic supplies around.”

“Can you handle getting one?” I asked.

She blinked in surprise. “Um. I don’t know anything about buying and picking wagons.”

“Guess that’ll be another job for Silver,” I said. “Man, I’m gonna work that poor girl to death.”

“You’re paying her very well for it, though,” Kat said. “And she seems happy to do everything you’ve asked.”

“Well, whatever. If it needs to get done, it needs to get done. Any luck finding more employees?”

“I’m afraid not,” Doppel said. “Despite everything that’s happened, a lot of ponies are still afraid of changelings and wouldn’t want to work with us. Between me and the crew of your new airship, you might not find many ponies willing to serve you.”

“Keep looking. There’s bound to be someone out there. I don’t want the airship crews and the guards pulling double duty cooking and cleaning. That shit just ain’t right.”

“Of course, mistress. By the way, now might be a good time to start coming up with uniform ideas.”

“...Why?” I asked.

“Because all servants wear uniforms,” she replied with a shrug. “It’s a way of distinguishing us for any visitors. That way, no guests will ever ask someone like Watcher or Taya to bring them something.”

God dammit. “I thought you said you were done wearing a maid outfit.”

“That was before you became a lady and bought a house in Canterlot. That said, I would prefer that our outfits not be completely fetishistic, like my last dress. Practical ones would be much nicer.”

“Way to take the fun out of it. I don’t suppose that’s something you could handle? I honestly don’t give one single fuck what you guys wear, as long as it isn’t something retarded or something that’ll make me look bad.”

“...I suppose I could handle it,” Doppel said. “I am head of household, after all!”

“Yep, that’s right. Anyway, I noticed that the Second Chance is back, but not the Ambassador. Where’s the changeling ship?”

“Gourd took it to get registered,” Doppel said. “Apparently they won’t be able to dock anywhere aside from here unless they have the right papers.”

“Ah, good. And all the treasure is done?”

“Yep! Silver’s counting the last of it now. Spike is lounging around in it.”

“Good. What about Jak?”

“He picked up a few tools, but couldn’t get everything he needed without a wagon or a unicorn. Apparently anvils are heavy.”

“Just a little bit. Anything else going on?”

“Nope!”

“Then I’m gonna go lock myself in seclusion. Let me know if anything interesting happens.”

“You got it, mistress!” Doppel went back to the kitchen as Kat and I went up the stairs. The two of us went right back to my room and Kat locked the door behind us.

When we were finally free, I sighed in relief, reached into my shirt, and pulled my bra off. “God, I hate being a woman.”

“It has a few upsides,” Kat said. “You certainly weren’t complaining last night. And you definitely won’t be complaining tonight…” She was eyeing one of the bags she brought in earlier. I had a suspicion she took a visit to the Crop, but I didn’t ask.

“Eh.” I stripped out of the heavier clothes and walked over to the desk. A certain laptop was calling my name. I booted it up and got lost in the wonderful world of procrastination.

While I was dicking around, Kat was rooting around in her bags for something. She finally found what she was looking for and pulled out a small harp. I lifted an eyebrow as she walked over to the desk and sat across from me. “I learned how to play this ages ago,” she said. “I haven’t touched one in a while, so forgive me if I’m rusty.”

I didn’t reply as she started plucking at the strings. It took her a while to remember all the notes, but soon enough, she was playing some kind of quiet and soothing music. It was nice, but I couldn’t help but think that I could play something better from the laptop.

But I didn’t want to be rude, so I let her play.

Night fell quickly enough. The day had been a fairly shitty one, all things told, so I wasted no time going to bed with the hopes that the next day wouldn’t be awful.

Thankfully, Kat was willing to help me end the day on a very pleasurable note. It still felt wrong to even let her be doing it, but my vagina certainly wasn’t complaining.