Closet Pony

by DouglasTrotter


May 14th

>>>May 14th, 6:25 AM<<<

This dreary weather annoys me, but it's a rather fitting.

When Princess Celestia first came to this house, she gave off a rather sickening aura of happiness and optimism.  The princess had a positive outlook no matter how bad things looked.  Now, now she's almost cynical, her happy demeanor having waned within the last couple of days.  It almost seems to be worse than ever if I had to be blunt about it.  That happiness just fades with each trip to the moon, each time the closet door opens, each time she looks at the bed where the fillies sleep, or some combination thereof.   More than once I've gotten up in the middle of the night to find the makeshift bed in my study minus one princess.  A month of searching that desolate rock and she's no closer to finding whatever is up there, if it even exists.  If anything, The Cutie Mark Crusaders represent the polar opposite of Princess Celestia's depressed state.

Right now, despite how many days go by, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo maintain their sense of optimism after Princess Celestia arrived, albeit cautious.    They firmly believe a portal will open and all of them will be rescued.  It'd be nice to have that kind of optimistic hope and belief, but, as the saying goes, if wishes were horses beggars could ride.

Well, on a rather less-depressing note, no other ponies have come through the portal.  My spine still tingles when I remember meeting the princess.  Our encounter had the sensation of horror and fascination, coupled with a momentary feeling of dismay.

"Good morning,"  Sweetie Belle said, coming up behind me.  The little unicorn just scratches her mane, smiles, and wanders off down the hall.  Here she comes, ten minutes later, perky as usual. "You're going to watch me practice with Princess Celestia? You promised."

"I promised to 'think' about it." I said.  The filly wanted me to watch her magic lessons with Princess Celestia since she can't practice on her own.  Princess Celestia made that decision, being echoed by yours truly. "Look, you don't need the puppy-dog eye routine.  I don't have anything pressing today, so I guess I can watch.  We'll just have to do it out in the study when Princess Celestia wakes up.  You can't exactly practice in the rain."

Just as Sweetie Belle turned around, Princess Celestia greeted her with a yawn.  The filly cocked her head to one side. "Princess Celestia, are you getting enough sleep?"

"Thank you for your concern, my little pony, but I'm quite alright.  I just had a rough night's sleep." Princess Celestia said.  Her front legs gave way as she stumbled for a second.  After regaining her composure, the princess headed down the hallway, and then returned a few moments later.  She exhaled a deep, quick breath before turning towards Sweetie Belle, "Now, I believe it's time for those morning magic lessons.  Where are Apple Bloom and Scootaloo?"

"You should try to participate with us." Sweetie Belle said.  The filly rolled her eyes at me when I brushed things off. "Sure, what you did was just a 'trick' to entertain us, and I'm the daughter of Discord."

"Ok, daughter of Discord." I said.

The princess chuckled, gave an invitation for me to join, and, after I declined, proceeded toward the bed where Apple Bloom and Scootaloo slept.

It's kind of funny.  Scootaloo knew what I did was a trick.  She's the only one of the trio to understand how it worked.  Though, I must say, the princess is quite the actor with how well she mimicked Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom's amazement.  Princess Celestia knows humans aren't capable of magic or anything along the lines of it.  What did happen though is something I'm not too thrilled about since "ending up with mud on your face" held true after Sweetie Belle thought I was hiding magical talents.  Swear it took forever to dig out all the soil chunks from my nostrils.  Not to mention things smelled like rotting garbage for a week, bleh!

Well, I better wrap this entry up and turn the light on in the study.  Also need to roll up the carpet to give those two some room.   I'll just watch some TV while they practice.

---End Entry---

>>> May 14th, 10:45 AM<<<

"Breaking news:  NASA to hold a press briefing about the brilliant flashes of light seen on the moon."

My left arm hurt while my chest felt heavy.  When the headline graced the news app on my phone around 9am this morning -- doctors told me it was anxiety.  Two doctors told me I had nothing to worry about.  I call bull because of my family history.

Princess Celestia lit up her horn.  The coffee cup pieces on the floor merged together into the object's original form.  Sweetie Belle cleaned up my mid-morning lunch off that lay strewn about the kitchen floor.

Four eyes gazed at me before one set turned away.  Soon, a soft wing patted me on the head when I sat down at the table.  The horse-sized problem that sat off to my side just smiled before it sat across from me.  Surprised the fingers pressed against the sides of my head didn't leave an indentation.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the series of events that were ready to unfold.  I mean, if NASA's telescopes saw some horse trotting around the moon's surface -- with wings and a horn -- it'll get linked to the incident with Scootaloo and the police helicopter.  Not to mention those two losers no doubt told the cops about their ordeal with the princess.  A brain-dead monkey could easily put one and one together in this circumstance.

"Please, try to relax.  You need a 'proper' breakfast to start the day.  How about I make some waffles?" Princess Celestia said.

Waffles? Waffles?!  My horse-sized problem actually suggested waffles to help deal with the anxiety that raged through my body.

"Ahead of the press briefing at noon, NASA has confirmed the brilliant flashes of light seen by amateur and professional astronomers alike is of an unknown origin.  At this time, all individuals with a passion for science are advised to keep their eyes trained to our moon.  We'll update you as the story progresses." The news announcer said before I clicked the TV off.

Pins and needles, pure pins and needles existed under my butt.

"So, how do we rectify this situation?" I said.

Princess Celestia placed a plate of waffles in front of me.  She sat down, faced me, and sipped on her tea.  The cup placed on the saucer, the princess said, "You're too tense.  Some tea might help to alleviate the stress, perhaps lighten your mood a bit."

"I'm not buying it 'princess,'" I said.  The princess sighed. "I'm sorry that I don't share in your joviality here, but this is serious.  If humans discover --" the Cutie Mark Crusaders came closer towards the table, "-- look, we can't have you four being discovered.  Humans aren't the nicest of creatures, trust me.  Is there a way you can, I don't know, just scan the moon without going there?"

"My, my, your skin went as pale as my coat.  There's no need for such terror.  In fact, why don't you come with me.  Apple Bloom. Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo.  The same goes for you." Princess Celestia said.  She chuckled to herself. "I know your all going to love it."

A cold chill raced down my spine.  Princess Celestia, the 'horse-sized' problem had gazed at me when I finished my statement.  What she gave me was the kind of "I'll show you" sly smirk, combined with an eyebrow raise someone does before they get in serious hot water.  Though breakfast happened an hour ago, these hands of mine won't stop shaking.  I have no idea what this, this pain in the neck is planning.  What is she going to do? No, wrong, what has she done? She's done something already.

"Hey, come on." Apple Bloom said.

"Yea, we can't keep Princess Celestia waiting." Scootaloo said.

"If Princess Celestia says we'll love it, I'm sure we're going to 'love' it." Sweetie Belle said.

"O-Ok, ok.  I'm coming, just let me type this up." I said.

Well, I won't learn anything until I see it firsthand.

"O, a quick request, if you don't mind.  Would you please bring that delightful silver watch of yours?" Princess Celestia said.

Whatever, guess I'll go grab the watch and see what she wants, and then I can get angry, frightened, or... whatever.

--- End Entry ---

>>> May 14th, 1:25 PM<<<

"Are you out of your insane little horse mind?!" I bellowed.  The sound echoed throughout the spacious area. "I could see this place from my back porch, without my glasses."

If my jaw weren't firmly attached to my face, it would be on the floor.

"It's not 'that' large.  I mean, it's not the size of Canterlot Castle back in Equestria." Princess Celestia said.

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo had to pick their jaws up off the floor as well.

What came next shocked me just as much as our surroundings.  I saw Princess Celestia kneel down in front of me on one knee, well hoof, and extend her wings.

"From the bottom of my heart, I can never thank you enough for sheltering us. Without your kindness, your generosity, I do not know where my little ponies would be right now.  The same goes for myself." Princess Celestia said.  She lifted her head up then turned towards the spacious area ahead of us.  The princess extended a single wing outward and said in a gentle, regal tone, "What you see is the culmination of almost a month's worth of labor, my little ponies.  Before you exists a place that will serve as our 'home away from home,' our Sanctuary."

Human language lacked the capability to describe the sheer magnificence of what existed in front of me.

"So, how come we aren't dead yet?" I said.  After she retracted her wing, the princess faced me.

From that innocent little question emerged a quick, succinct series of insights about magical properties.  It seemed Princess Celestia didn't find what she was seeking, but she did find something just as special.

Before the princess could continue, I held up my hand and asked if the place was airtight and couldn't be seen by people on earth.  Two, stern, succinct "yes" replies were given to me.  I placed my hands behind my back, and then nodded at the princess after she asked if she could continue.

The more we toured the beautiful place, the more an unusual sense came over me.  I kinda felt... happy.  It had an innocent sense of wonder.  It's best described as when a person see something they find beautiful for the first time.  I had to admit, real quick, the place I walked through would put many of the structures on earth to shame.

Our little tour ended in a garden that looked out towards the stars.

While Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo looked around the garden, Princess Celestia pulled me aside.   "Again, from the bottom of my heart, I cannot thank you enough for providing a home to my little ponies in their time of need, and myself."

Princess Celestia's words went over my head as my eyes drifted while I walked around.  The floor beneath my bare feet didn't seem cold at all while I gazed at the magnificent chandelier hanging in the central area of Sanctuary.  A water fountain stood in the center, serving as the entrance to Sanctuary, and, near the water fountain, two stones emitted a slight hum.   Both stones contrasted each other, one light, the other dark.

The princess came up behind me and gave a gentle hug.  She broke me out of my dazed state.  When I faced her she said, "Please, if you ever worry about losing your home, Sanctuary will be your home.  It will serve as a home of your own, one where you don't have to fear reprisal."

Princess Celestia called all of us together.  We walked forward, towards the water fountain, and returned the house on earth.   All of it felt like a dream.

Instead, I found it all too real when the princess levitated four necklaces from behind her.  Princess Celestia placed a single necklace on each Cutie Mark Crusader before placing the final one around her own neck.  Though I turned away, I found myself stopped by my silver watch floating in front of me.  It came to rest in my open hands.  A faint light emanated from a ruby gemstone near one of the gears.

The princess nodded to all of us before she excused herself, laying down on the couch.  She gave a mumbled explanation of the finishing touches on the place taking a bit out of her.

Right now, as I sit at my computer, I can't find the words.  I mean, what do I say?  On my wrist is the literal key to a castle.  More importantly, what do I do?

--- End Entry ---

>>> May 14th, 9:25 PM<<<

It feels like this stupid weather is frozen over the house.  There's just enough strength in the rain to let a person know it hasn't dissipated.  If it weren't for the rain, this place would be silent, and I hate "that" silence.  I loathe it because that type of silence reminds me of the first night I spent alone in this house after that precious person passed away.  I'll just be blunt.  I hate my home.  It doesn't feel like my home.  It doesn't have the sensation of a place where I  feel content and welcomed, not anymore.

The silence I hated so much took hold of the house about four to five hours ago when I gave my answer to Princess Celestia, in private.  I wasn't sure about my answer, or if I was prepared to give one to her.  Deep down, a part of me knew I had to make a judgment on it.  It was after my judgment the princess and I didn't speak to each other.  The Cutie Mark Crusaders seemed unsettled by the lack of conversation between the two of us.  Though the house had the sound of videogames in the background, it might as well have been white-noise.

Before I knew it, six o'clock rolled around, and then seven.

I decided to heat up some leftovers for the bunch of us and prepare some fruit salads.  When I opened the fridge however, I found the leftovers gone.  It didn't dawn on me till I looked at the space beside my computer.

I let out a deep sigh then strapped the silver watch to my left wrist.

Out in my study, I let out another quick sigh before I inched my hand forward into mid air.  A stupid side of me half-expected the experience to be like that one movie with the giant gateway/portal.  The air would take on a watery effect where it would shimmer and ripple.  There would be some bright light I would move into before coming out the other-side.  What happened, much to my disappointment, was a rather anti-climatic shift.

As I moved forward, my surroundings changed to that of Sanctuary.  If anything, I would liken it to another into another part of the house, perhaps stepping through a doorway, with an invisible door, would be more appropriate.  Still, despite the anti-climatic event that took place. the sight of that entrance took my breath away.

"What kept ya?" Scootaloo said.  The filly blushed.  "Whoops, guess I was supposed to tell ya about eating here.  Sorry."

My little hunch proved right.

Several sconces dotted the walls of the dining room Scootaloo guided me towards.   Peaceful, pale blue gems replaced the flames that would lick the corners of the metal sconces.  The awkward silence that took hold of the house on earth came to the moon, and, throughout the dinner,  none of the ponies made a peep till Apple Bloom perked up.

"Apple Bloom, it isn't proper to eaves drop on the conversations of others." Princess Celestia said.  She laid her fork down then dabbed away the bits of tomato sauce from the corner of her left cheek.  Even a blind person could see the her expression.  "Our friend made a choice.  I cannot force them to change their mind."

"Ahh know, ahh know.  A pony's gotta make their own choices in life." Apple Bloom said.

Princess Celestia nodded to the filly before she looked at me, "Though, if you don't mind me asking, why do you refuse to accept Sanctuary?""

I remember how the stars seemed so much brighter, so much more opulent when I gazed towards the ceiling of the dining room.  No light pollution existed from some nearby city to drown them out, nor were there any clouds to obscure them when I removed my glasses, placing them near my plate before I leaned back in my chair.  "I don't know how to phrase it.  Instead, I'll just come out and say I don't deserve Sanctuary."

"Why?" Sweetie Belle said.

"Things should be done because they are the right thing to do.  They shouldn't be done in hopes of a reward." I said.  My finger tapped against the white tablecloth before I placed my glasses back on.  "It's kinda stupid, but, to be honest, you all remind me of myself.  I've always felt alone, always feeling helpless.  Many of those I known have moved away with several of those I cared deeply about having passed away.  I can't trust anyone, and I hate that feeling of being alone, of being helpless.  If I can do everything in my power to make sure another person, well in your case another individual, doesn't feel that same sensation, I've done something right in this world.  We'll call it being a decent human being."

Though I probably didn't put things into the right context, Apple Bloom perked up and said, "Didn't Fluttershy once say, 'Though kindness doesn't need a reward, it doesn't hurt either.'"

We finished our meals in peace.  After that, The Cutie Mark Crusaders took the plates back to the house while Princess Celestia guided me down a hallway.

At a strange door, the princess nudged my left arm forward.  A small glow came from my watch, and the door opened.

"I hope you'll reconsider your home." Princess Celestia said.  She walked forward, stretched out her wings in the spacious room, and flew towards a fifth floor.  "Would you please join me up here."

On the fifth floor, through a doorway existed a decent sized garden that looked out towards the white, desolate expanse of the moon.  In the center stood an oak tree, surrounded by a circle of white flowers.  A small sand garden existed in the space near the tree with three rocks placed inside.

"I'm sorry, but..." I felt my voice trail off when I looked at the beautiful area.  My right hand clenched into a tight fist before it relaxed.

Princess Celestia came toward me, extended her right wing, and then guided me towards an area underneath the tree.  Both of us sat down. "I won't pretend to understand what you've gone through in your life.  It can't be easy for anyone to lose someone they cherish, let alone a child at such a young age losing a parent in front of them, but I think it is time for you to let go of that weight on your shoulders."

It took all that I had to fight back my tears.

"If you are willing, I'd like to help.  The choice is yours to accept this gift." Princess Celestia said.   She gazed at me, "I never said you would receive a 'single' gift," she raised my head in a gentle motion with her wing tip and gave a quick wink, "and I believe three gifts are in order for what you've done."

I looked at my hands.  For what seemed like eternity, all I could do was look at my hands.

I excused myself, and then stood up.

The princess followed me out of the room towards the entrance of Sanctuary. "We will give you some peace tonight.  Please, I want you to remember -- deep down in your heart -- that Sanctuary will always welcome you, no matter what you might believe to the contrary."

When I walked toward the entrance of Sanctuary, the vast, expansive area turned into the medium-sized study the princess slept in when she first arrived.  The closet existed behind me.

An hour has passed since I started this journal entry.  I've been at this computer for a solid hour.  The screen's light illuminates my hands, and the keys, while I try to find the words.

What do I do anymore? Am I really that broken on the inside?

I better shut this computer down and get some sleep.  All I'm doing right now is giving myself a headache and a stomachache.  Not to mention the ranting going through my mind isn't doing me any good right now.  I can't let these notes degrade into the ridiculous ravings of a child.

--- End Entry ---