Pinkamena

by Doood

Not in Kansas anymore

My name is Hector Silvermane, Captain of the Royal Guard - under the rule of Princess Celestia, and Princess Luna for the Kingdom of Equestria. I am concurring these entries just in case I do not make it back alive; because in light of recent events, and during family dinner, one of our Lieutenants for the Guard had stopped by my house to break me some news.

I regret to write, that they are sending me away to a small town up in the mountains near Ponyville. Said town, has had reports of Changeling activities. These activities correlate with the loss of four ponies, one Griffon, and a filly no older than three. Given my record of justice in some small villages outside of Equestria, Celestia had given me the message saying that I was going to make way for this town, and make sure that these reports cease.

Eliminate any threats I find.

And in my travels, I have learned that Changelings, rather than any other beings, are slippery creatures. It goes to show, that even I have met a few that I couldn't kill. Those being the Queens and Changeling Consorts. Very slippery indeed…

But because of how urgent this message was, I had to move past that. The small town that I was to visit, was closer to Ponyville than any of us wanted to like, and I had to take this mission, lest I wished the bugs to push onward to Canterlot.

It has happened once, and that's all we needed to see the real threat the creatures posed as.

So I had to put this on my wife, and two children. They didn't want me to go of course. But I told them that I was doing this for the betterment of pony kind - and they realized that it was my duty. It took a lot of my will not to leave them behind, but I steeled my mind for this.

Under a depressing circumstance, I left the next morn’. It was a surreal moment, watching them as I moved headlong into the carriage. However in my heart, I knew that I would come back to them, one way, or another.

With me, for the mission, I would bring my trusty Veteran, Sunshine Pudding. Along with her, I had three other recruits, and two drivers of our coach who were to stay with me at all times. Sunshine was none too happy about coming along, because she and I had a very long history of being together.

But, she was the best shot in our ranks, and damn it if I couldn't bring her along.

“So, what are we looking at Hector?”

Between me and Sunshine, we refrain from using our last names. She calls me Hector, or Silver, and I call her Sun. She had a little quip about if somepony used her last name. It usually ended with a new breathing hole if you weren't on her nice list.

I responded with a sigh as I looked over the information Celestia had given us, “Do you want the good news, or bad news?”

Sunshine shrugged, “Let's get the bad news first.”

My brows furrowed, “Well, based on what I'm seeing, we are heading into Changeling territory.”

There were gasps, and several shocked glances as the news spread around the carriage. One of the recruits spoke up,

“Sir, you mean… those things that attacked Canterlot?”

I nodded, “Correct.”

“What’s the good news?”

I gave a grin, “It’s nothing we can't handle.”

Another recruit chuckled sarcastically, “Oh that’s swell! Knew I should've signed my death warrant!”

His pale ivory eyes casted accusation towards his superiors, “Princess Celestia is sending us, four guards, a captain, and two carriage jockeys… To take on a goddamn hive?! Why can't she do it herself?”

“Yeah, yeah! Why can't she do it!”

“Guys…”

I shook the paper that had the regal writing of our princess, “That’s enough!”

Not only did it silence them, but it put an awkward mood around the small space. So I continued undeterred,

“Princess Celestia has all the reason sending us, her most trusted, to take on some bugs, private. If there were any other way, I do believe she wouldn’t just rip us away from our lives. Did you read the fine print before you accepted the program?”

The one who had spoken out of line grumbled, “No sir. I skimmed through it, and look where that got me.”

Shaking my head, I continued, “So in case you made that mistake, here are some facts.” I pointed out firstly, “Fact. We are about to walk in on some very dangerous elements. Changelings don't just attack ponies without having orders. And the evidence that the news has reached us this late means that they have been able to hunker down in this town. So,”

I leaned back and eyed each of the ponies in the small box, “They can pose as anybody, and will act as them theresuch. Which makes our jobs extremely difficult. When we do reach the section, I want you to follow three simple rules. Count them, Three.”

As I named them off one by one, I did simple gestures, “One, You will not talk to anybody. Although you will be allowed to, and I have nothing against it, my advice - Just keep your muzzles SHUT. Anything you say can be used against you. Sunshine Pudding and I will be the ones who do the talking, and you three will make sure we don't die.” Blunt, but true.

I clasped my hooves together, “Second rule, we will have to have a secret code.”

“What is this, a game of Spy, sir?”

I blinked slowly, “If you let me finish, I would tell you that the code is there to make sure we aren't trying to kill each other, via one of us being a changeling ourselves.” Rubbing my chin, I hefted a shrug,

“It… Kinda sounded cooler in my head.”

All recruits looked at one another, “Well it's not that bad…”

“Meh, I like the sound of that.”

“Can the first word be food?”

Sunshine gave them all a glare which shut them up. I began once it was somewhat quiet,

“The codeword will be Toasted-Peaches.”

“Toasted… Peaches?”

I smiled, “It's something my wife cooks every Saturday.”

With a shrug, I said, “If you forget this word, then the premise of any of us knocking you senseless, is your fault, and your fault alone.”

Sunshine added, “So this means, if you are drunk, or in some sort of stupor, you're also subject to a beating. Shouldn't be drinking on the job anyway.”

I nodded, “The third and final rule, is making sure we all come out of this alive. I don't want to go back home with just two or three of us left.”

“So nopony left behind?”

I smiled, “Nopony left behind.”

That set the tone for us as we weaved in between the ridges of this mountainous terrain. I'm not one for commenting on the view, but seeing the tall rocks made me gape in awe. In the distance, I could almost make out the town.

There came raps upon the carriage window. For inspection, I turned and opened up to see one of our drivers with a stern look. His emerald eyes betrayed his true emotions, so I let him speak first,

“Silvermane, Name’s Getty. I'm th’ driver for yer trip up. T’ mute over here,” He said gesturing to the other with one hoof, “He’s Cretin.”

“A pleasure.” I said, nodding in welcome. Minus the accent, being most likely from somewhere in the East, Getty was okay.

Getty started after I stopped, “We are heading into the town sir, I give it thirty minutes ‘fore we hit the ground.”

I nodded, “Right, any other surprise news I should know before that happens?”

Both drivers shared a look as we descended, “Just… One sir.”

I gestured for Getty to continue,

“Celestia wishes t’ inform that a, ‘Pinkamena’ is also in town. It is by some of our wishes, that if ye want, we can turn back. We will continue until ordered otherwise.”

I grunted in acknowledgement, and closed the window. Turning back to the recruits, my brows furrowed.

Pinkamena. Very, very intriguing… I would like to have thought that it was by chance that not only were Changelings within the town, but somebody with that ‘special’ disease…

Just to clarify, I do not refer to the one known as ‘Pinkie Pie’. We use the term Pinkamena as a reference to the disease of insanity. It's a rather cumbersome foe, as most of the time some of us don't know whether to feel bad for the bastard, or hate them.

When we finally do hear about it, the damnable virus has taken a whole town to bare bones. And I mean that literally.

It's almost as bad as that Rainbow Factory we busted a year back. Draining poor ponies of their colors. But we have been trained, thus, we can work around it. Like all diseases, they have at least one weakness. Symptoms of Pinkamena aren’t that hard to spot.

Makes you go crazy, cut of cutie marks, harvest teeth and the like.

Very bad stuff.

This ‘Pinkamena’ and I have crossed paths many times. Those moments being in urban and rural settings. Both were absolutely terrifying. Those who house such an illness, are unpredictable. Like this one mare who tried taking out my teeth using a fork. Her name was Egbert.

Egbert is dead.

Not before she took out three of my Pegasus and used their fur as blankets though. Found their carcasses hanging upside down from meathooks. It was just brutal the way Egbert dispatched them.

It was engaging the way I knocked her out.

The illness is weird, borderline crazy as it is a mental propriety. It only activates when met with certain conditions like for one - so far it only affects mares. What's scary, is that you won't know you have it until to late. So really, almost everyone is on high alert for this thing, and some of our Doctors are trying to figure it out as we speak.

Haven’t had a lot of time though… Like if we try to capture someone with ‘Pinkamena’, they off themselves the first chance they get. And being when we first found out about it when our Elements of Harmony fought with Discord, a God of Chaos, a few months back…

There is absolutely no viable data on how to cure it.

But that wasn't the reason of me being called over here. The main objective is to rid this town of a pest problem. And that is what will happen.

The town was old, ramshackled even. Clear evidence of it being built to last was quite apparent. In the center of town was a church, the symbol for it being at the top of the bell tower. That was the second thing we saw when we landed onto the gravel. The first, was a sign that read,

“Mount Trequin - Population: 27.”

The sad thing, was the population number had been etched and painted over several times, showing that the town had problems even before we got there. My recruits were restless, all three showed signs of homesickness already.

The youngest one, Lumin Essence, wanted to know what our odds of success were. Looking at the colts face, I could honestly say that for once, I had no idea.

Most of the time, a mission is handed to me with clear signs of being quite manageable. Fending off a dragon, repairing a broken war relationship, infiltrating the Buffalo Encampment - things that are easier than most.

The fact that I have not only Pinkamena to worry about now, but changelings, puts a damper on my efforts for courage. He asked me the question, and I had all but two choices, lie to him and myself, or tell him the truth - letting whatever deity decide our fate.

I opted to tell him the truth then, rather than when we were neck deep in shit. To this day, I will never forget his reaction.

Our hooves took us to the church, where we would meet the mayor, who was luckily still alive. Didn't know if we could trust her though, since she could have been a changeling. But then again, she could've also been Pinkamena.

The paranoia was going to be one huge factor in the days to come, and I hadn't even started the mission.

The mayor was shorter than me, about a hoof or so. Her name was Rose Petal, she remained to me an unknown factor. I took note of her features, blue fur, red mane, green eyes, looked like the town's party pony rather than a mayor.

She greeted me with a hopeful smile.

I did not.

The reason, I would like to think, is that although we looked like newcomers to the town, as soon as we started rooting out the different murderous elements, trouble would come knocking.

“You… you are Celestia’s calvary, yes?” The Mayor asked hopefully.

My response was quick and to the point. I explained that only she would know who we were, and that we were here to resolve the problem. But to do that, I needed something from her.

I would need those of who she trusted. Those of which she had been keeping an eye on. Those select few would be nameless, but act as our inside sources.

I had to trust the mayor. I had to. Although she could have been a changeling, or even Pinkamena, time wasn't on our side. And we had to work fast.

Sun would stay with me at all times, and the recruits would be bait.

Bait…

Like piercing a worm on a barb and watching them squirm. Either it drew fish in, or the worm died.

I hoped it wouldn't come to that.

Sun and I walked around the town, eyeing every detail, spotting the different points of interest. I had told the mayor to go and fetch her select few. She would be meeting me at the church shortly.

Sun asked me quietly as our hooves crunched the gravel beneath us, “Hector, what do you think.”

I sniffed, seeing several houses boarded up and nailed shut,

“I think this place needs a damn party or something.”

She snorted, “No, idiot, I mean about…” She looked around without moving her head, “Our odds?”

I eyed Sun with a grin, “Slim. But doable. Pinkamena may be able to blend in with the townsponies, but she makes mistakes.”

I gritted my teeth, “She'll slip right into a noose if I have to say anything about it…”

My feelings to the disease are expository. They're filled with trial and tribulation, death and despair. Most importantly, it's costed the lives of several good soldiers.

All for the fascination of what was plastered on our asses…

“What about the Changelings.” Sun asked quickly.

I nodded, “There is a queen in this town. That explains the reason of the Changeling presence… however, she remains dormant. The main thing we worry about right now, is her drones.”

Sun agreed with a grunt, “What if we get lucky and find the Queen?”

“If we catch the Queen, the hierarchy falls apart, and the changelings will flee.”

Sun smiled, “Good.”

I laughed, “You forgotten though, haven't you.”

She eyed me as I continued, “We received this report four weeks late. So simply put, we may have a Forger with us…”

A Forger isn't a pony who blacksmiths. It is a type of Changeling that is very slippery to catch. The reason is because it is able to give false information. It leads us on a wild goosechase in order to cover its own trail.

“It could be that the delivery system was slow?” My Veteran said hopefully.

My gaze slowly flitted over to the middle of the town square, where a crude and hoof-made hanging platform layed. The noose had bits of fur and flesh on it, and the area around the platform was barren, striped of life.

“Hmm…” Came my unrelented response.

Sun sighed, “We need to be careful.”

As we made our way onto the church steps, I looked at a house that had a window open. Inside was a Stallion who, when he saw me, closed the window in fear,

“We need to hurry.”

The Mayor grabbed seven ponies. Exactly seven. She hid them in the church repentance booths as she told us the various roles.

One would be our reporter, they would go around and check on ponies by sifting through their materials such as waste or trash. Since the Reporter was unnamed, they would have to act anonymous if we sent them to check on their own selves. That rule applied for all of the roles. If it involved them, they would have to report that everything was clear.

Personally, a Reporter would be important, since Pinkamena likes to openly display some of her relics. I found a pony who had the disease because he had kept a pile of teeth in his trash.

The next was nicknamed, Gumshoe. That role was mainly meant to weed out the Changelings. The Gumshoe acts like a Reporter, but gossips. This would work in our favor, since the Queen of any hive can be loose lipped. Case in point, gossip of any kind would surely make its way to the Queen… Loose lips, sink ships.

The next are more simpler roles, one pony acted as the town's doctor and would help us combat any injuries. In fact, it was a good thing the Doctor wasn't dead already. Otherwise we would have been in some even deeper shit.

Another played the role as our Jailer. They would be tasked with containing anyone we placed in the cell. This would confirm if somebody was killing us off or not.

Another strange role we decided to enlist with, was the town's Spellcaster. The mayor said that this pony had been working on several different spells at one time, and had accidentally created one that could kill.

Now, I know magic, being a unicorn myself, but a Changeling Queen and another one of the townsponies would be nullified to that magic. The only ones affected by it, would be Pinkamena and the rest of the town.

Then we had our Party Pony. Mayor said that they were the liveliest and most friendly pony in the town. All of the roles were important, even this one.

Nobody can resist a party.

Then finally, my own design, I said we needed a Watchpony. That's exactly what we got. Their job was simple. Keep an eye on movement and where the different ponies would go.

And those were our seven roles. Apart from me, our recruits and Pudding, we were going to reclaim this town, even if it was the last thing we did.

I just had to have faith in that statement.

“Alright everyone, listen up.”

The different ponies were sitting in the repentance boxes awaiting my instructions,

“I need each of you to do your jobs, quickly and quietly. In and out.”

I paced from each booth to the next, “I will not lie, as this will be very difficult. Worst case scenario someone dies.”

I stopped and breathed in, “Don't let this stop you. If someone slips up, and you have information that it is who we are looking for, you will let us know.”

I re-paced the booths, “I trust in each of you, that you will do what needs to be done.”

I turned to the mayor and relayed my order for tonight, “Since we've made ourselves known, I need our Gumshoe and Reporter at work. I also will need a copy of everyone who is alive and breathing in this town.”

The Mayor nodded, producing a document with the list of the townsponies,

“I'll see what I can do.”

I hope I was making a correct choice in trusting this mare, otherwise we would all be dead by sunrise…