//------------------------------// // 24. Baking Brad // Story: It's The End Of The World As We Know It // by Samey90 //------------------------------// The bits of red onion hissed on the frying pan as vinegar was poured over them. The smell permeated the air. Soon, the fried onion was removed from the pan, replaced by slices of bacon. Muffins leaned to the stove and Flash barely managed to grab her before her apron caught fire. “What is it gonna be?” Muffins asked. “Looks tasty.” “Liver with bacon and onions,” Flash replied, poking his bacon with a wooden stirrer. “Want some later?” Muffins winced. “I’m not really into liver. Though it still sounds kinda tasty, if only for the bacon.” Flash looked around the classroom. The cooking classes had a small, but devoted group of followers; most of them were quite good, although Flash could easily see that Twilight, who had only recently joined them, struggled to prepare anything edible. He sighed and turned away from her. “Wait, bacon?” Muffins smirked. “That’s it. You subconsciously want to eat Sunset Shimmer’s liver.” Flash bursted in a brief laughter. “Actually, I made it for her on our first date,” he replied. “She really liked it, until she found out it was calf’s liver. After throwing up, she mentioned something about some of her friends being cows.” “And you didn’t get she was a pony back then?” Muffins shrugged. “Also, I think it’s rude to talk with your girlfriend about your past dates, though I’m not much better in that matter. On my first date ever, the guy tried to carve our initials in a tree bark. Since then, they call him ‘Frodo’. He’s short, smokes weed, and even though they sewn his finger back, we thought it was a funny nickname...” “Remind me not to carve anything anywhere,” Flash muttered. “Same with padlocks on a bridge. And as for Sunset, I thought she was some runaway Hare Krishna back then.” “Nah, they’re usually nice.” Muffins watched as Flash put the seasoned slices of liver on the frying pan. “That’s why she was a runaway one.” Flash shrugged. “Besides, she’s kinda nice, after all.” Muffins chuckled. “I’m not sure if I want to listen to this…” Flash shuddered. “Muffins?” “Yeah?” “Your potatoes are boiling over,” Flash replied, pointing at the pot standing on the stove next to his. Muffins cursed under her breath, rushing to save the potatoes. The cooking classes were usually just before the lunch; many students who attended them treated that as an occasion to test their recipes on their friends. Several of them found out it was a quick way to lose them, but that wasn’t the case with Flash. “Hmm, this isn’t bad,” Bulk muttered, setting the plate aside. “What was that, again?” “Liver with bacon and onions,” Flash said. He hadn’t finished his portion yet, but he was close. Next to him, Muffins burped, blushing and covering her mouth. “Nice,” Bulk said. “Too bad I can only cook chicken with rice.” Sandalwood sighed. “Has anyone here ever cooked anything vegan?” “You just ate spinach with mashed potatoes Muffins made,” Bulk said. “They had butter in them,” Sandalwood muttered. “That doesn’t count as vegan.” “You should’ve seen what I did to the potatoes,” Muffins said. “Besides, you still ate them.” Sandalwood smirked. “I wouldn’t be a rebel if I didn’t. You know, if water was illegal–” “Yeah, sure.” Bulk chuckled. “You were just hungry.” “Okay, I kinda was,” Sandalwood muttered. “Besides, Sugarcoat still tries to sneak meat in my food. But when I dared her to eat bacon, she did. And asked for more. Turns out, she’s not religious.” “Well, when have you seen somebody religious recently?” Flash asked. “I haven’t, in a while.” “Sophisticata is religious.” Sandalwood shrugged. “She follows all the religions. Including that one cult she wanted me to join when she wanted my father to give her a role. Dude, that was sick.” Muffins chuckled. “Hope she tries that on Sunny…” “Getting a role by summoning Satan with the director’s daughter,” Sandalwood muttered. “Better than sex, I guess. Also, my dad doesn’t give roles to people I recommend. After that fiasco with cousin Juniper, he doesn’t trust the family.” “Makes sense,” Bulk said. “I wouldn’t trust Featherweight with actresses. He tried to pick up Ruby, once.” “How’s that little bundle of hate?” Sandalwood asked. “As usual.” Bulk shrugged. “She isn’t much of a talker and I never really felt like listening.” “Hmm…” Muffins scratched her head. “Nowadays, summoning Satan would probably work, with all that magic…” “Now I know what I’ll be doing with cousin Juniper when she comes back here from Kobe,” Sandalwood muttered. “What do you do, draw a circle on the ground or what?” “Back in elementary school, I whispered ‘Murderous Fabric’ into the mirror three times at midnight,” Muffins said. Flash finished his meal and turned to her. “Did it appear?” “No, but I was so afraid of it that I wet the bed,” Muffins replied. “Since then, I don’t try to whisper anything in the mirror.” “Hmm, this could be the theme of our next party,” Sandalwood muttered. “Wetting the bed?” Bulk asked. “I’ll pass then.” “No, I mean summoning something supernatural,” Sandalwood replied. “We’ll help Flash cook something and spend the rest of the night pigging out and summoning ghosts. I can provide interesting company of my cousin, who’ll be back in town next week. Alternatively, we can invite everyone we know that ever turned into a demon.” Flash sighed. “Twilight will probably want to bring Timber. We’d have to invite Gloriosa too, after all.” Muffins smirked. “On the other hand, it may be the only occasion to poison them. You do the cooking, after all.” Flash’s jaw dropped. “Them? Why’d I poison Twilight?” “So no one would suspect you. You like her, after all.” Muffins shrugged. “Theoretically speaking.” “And of course, no one cares about the guy being poisoned,” Sandalwood muttered. “So much for equality.” “Watch out.” Bulk chuckled. “If Muffins goes on a killing spree, you may be next.” Sandalwood shrugged, smirking. “I dodged all of Sugarcoat’s assassination attempts. You all don’t stand a chance.” “Okay then…” Muffins cracked her fingers. A week later, the snow covering the town started to slowly melt. Due to the fact that the architects and constructors responsible for building the Flash Drive’s rehearsal hall had ended up cutting some corners, the whole place immediately got flooded. Luckily, after a break-in a two years back, the band never kept their equipment there, but the rehearsal had to be called off while Flash and Brawly Beats tried to get rid of the water using a mop, a bucket, and a snow shovel. “Maybe you’d help?” Flash turned to Ringo, who stood on one of the dry patches of the uneven floor. “I don’t want to get sick,” Ringo replied. “Who’d sing backing vocals if I had sore throat?” Flash muttered something rude about Ringo’s mother and grabbed the bucket full of dirty water. For a moment he fought the temptation to pour it on the bassist, but eventually he went to the door and spilled the water on the pavement. “So, that’s what you meant when you said you were going for a watery sound?” Flash raised his head and saw Sunset Shimmer standing in front of him. “Hi,” he said. “What’s up?” “Bad news for your little ghost-summoning party,” Sunset replied. “Twilight has some kind of a family meeting and she can’t come.” “Damn.” Flash sighed. The whole party was plagued with trouble since its inception. Sour Sweet bailed out immediately because of two of her numerous siblings’s birthday. So did Sunny and Lemon – the former to ‘resist the temptation to have a drink while her parents try to settle things’ and the latter because, as Indigo stated, “fuck me if I know”. Flash silently thanked whatever gods ruled his life for that. With Muffins and Lemon in one room, every party got weird quickly and it usually ended with Lemon passing out somewhere. As for Sunny… Flash met a lot of cute, troubled girls in his life. Some of them, as Muffins kept reminding him, were horses. But whenever he thought of Sunny, the second thing coming to his mind was a ten-foot pole. “On the other hand, I’m still available,” Sunset said. “That is, if you don’t want to just make it a triple date.” “No, you can come,” Flash muttered. “I mean, Sandalwood’s cousin is coming too. Do you know her? Juniper Montage or something.” “Somewhat,” Sunset replied. “Just keep her away from the mirrors.” “Muffins will take care of that, I’m sure…” Flash chuckled. “How’s she?” Sunset asked. “I never had time to congratulate you two…” “Well, it’s kinda like playing chess,” Flash replied. “You think you predicted all the opponent’s moves, but then it suddenly turns out you’re playing gin rummy.” “I know that feeling.” Sunset smiled. “So, where are we going? Your house, Sandalwood’s den, or–” “Sandalwood’s,” Flash replied. “He has a big kitchen and his father is shooting a movie on location in Australia. While his mother saves the coral reef, no less.” “Sounds cool,” Sunset said. “So, Friday evening?” “How come they have so many friends?” Sour Sweet asked. She was lurking in the shadows somewhere behind a ball pit in the family entertainment centre and wanted to spend the whole party in there. Her plans were quickly busted when the magician Sweet Leaf had found for her chose her to volunteer to be sawn in half. Sour Sweet had to admit that Trixie was good. Not even the biggest smartasses in the audience noticed that the legs poking out of the box actually belonged to Sweeten Sour, cleverly hidden inside. Sour Sweet managed not to have a panic attack, but after being put back together and released from the box, she quickly retreated to her hideout behind the ball pit. “I mean, did they invite half of the kindergarten, or what?” Sour shrugged. “All those sweet little kids, yelling like baboons…” She rubbed her temples. “Great. Now I’m gonna have a headache. And I was just wondering how to put Sweeten Sour in that box again, this time without the second person…” “Are you okay?” Sweet Leaf asked. She was half-lying on the floor, resting against the ball pit’s side. “Y-yeah.” Sour Sweet smirked. “Loud noises are a bitch.” “Mhm.” Sweet Leaf opened her handbag and grabbed a package with earplugs. “I always carry a few spare ones.” “Thanks…” Sour Sweet blushed; she put the earplugs on and lay down next to Sweet Leaf. “Do you think they’ll let us dive into that ball pit after the party’s over?” Sour Sweet poked her ear, sure she misheard something. “I’d rather not,” she muttered. “Kids sit in there. And I’m pretty sure some of them didn’t make it to the toilet when Trixie did that escape trick that got everyone laughing.” “Oh.” Sweet Leaf winced. “You don’t like kids much, do you?” “More like, I’m done being sick.” Sour Sweet sighed. “When Sweet Dreams and Sour Grapes got chickenpox, it turned out I haven’t had it before. And that wasn’t my first visit in the ER either.” Sweet Leaf nodded and hugged Sour Sweet. “My poor little sick girl…” Juniper Montage wiped her nose. The long flight and the fact that Kobe was slightly warmer than Canterlot City left her with a jet lag and a bad cold. She briefly considered staying at home, but then she recalled that the only home she knew in the town was her uncle’s, and the alternative was sitting in a hotel, sick and alone. Besides, Sandalwood promised her some good food. Juniper was ready to withstand any amount of jokes about avian flu and SARS just to eat anything that wasn’t popcorn or airplane food. Hardly did she expect that after arriving from the airport in Sandalwood’s battered van, she’d be seated on the couch with some bespectacled girl with intricate hairstyle who apparently was Sandalwood’s current girlfriend. Juniper couldn’t believe it at first, but after a while, it made perfect sense to her. “So, you once grew a few feet and started to trash the shopping mall, right?” the girl asked. Juniper was sure her name was Sugarcoat; this knowledge, however, didn’t change the fact that Juniper, having spent a large part of her life in Japan, was used to slightly less direct approach to communication. “I kinda did,” Juniper muttered. “That’s not something I feel comfortable talking about…” “But you can use magic!” Sugarcoat exclaimed. “I mean, I tried magic once. Or twice. On my rats. Never really worked, but if we could work on it together…” “Rats?” Juniper chuckled sheepishly. “Nice to see you and Sandalwood have something in common…” “Oh, totally,” Sugarcoat replied. “That’s not the only thing we have in common, though. Except he doesn’t want to learn magic because he thinks it sucks. So, if you could–” Just when Juniper thought it couldn’t get any worse, another girl jumped on the couch on the other side of her. This one was cross-eyed and had long, blonde hair. She was holding a rat on her hand – Chong, if Juniper recalled correctly. “Isn’t he cute?” the girl cooed. Juniper recalled the well-known fact that Daring Do hated snakes. Unlike her, Juniper was fine with them. At least they ate rodents. Juniper was afraid of them and a rat being held a few inches from her face caused her to press her back against the couch. “He’s very… cute,” she muttered. “Can you, like, go away?” She shuddered. “Please…” Chong, being a rat, probably didn’t understand the girl in front of him. Nevertheless, her hair looked much more interesting that the hand of the girl who’d just caught him in the kitchen. He sniffed, preparing for a jump. Sunset Shimmer raised her head, hearing the scream from the living room. “Should I check on them?” Sandalwood shrugged. “Nah, I’m pretty sure they’re fine.” He turned to Flash, who was in the middle of cutting mushrooms. “What is it?” Flash shrugged. “After gathering intel on who’s vegan, vegetarian, and allergic to peanuts, I decided that the most satisfying choice will be a vegan shepherd’s pie. Indigo, would you kindly get off the countertop and help me chop the paprika?” Indigo sighed – in the middle of Sandalwood’s kitchen there was an island the size of Great Britain she’d found to be the most comfortable place to sit on. Now she jumped on the floor and grabbed a knife. “If I cut off my finger, will it still be vegan?” “I don’t think so,” Bulk replied. “Also, we can introduce you to Muffins’ first boyfriend. They call him Frodo.” “Why?” Sunset Shimmer asked amidst the laughter of the rest of her friends. “Because he’s short, smokes weed, and nearly lost a finger,” Flash muttered, putting the mushrooms in the casserole dish. “I still don’t get it,” Sunset said. “Is that some 1990s TV show reference?” Indigo raised her eyebrows. “You’ve never heard of Lord of the Rings?” Sunset chuckled. “Well, I kinda lived in a remote area…” “That is, a magical pony kingdom where they don’t have cable,” Sandalwood muttered. “Though they do have dragons.” “Thanks, Sandalwood,” Sunset deadpanned as Indigo opened her mouth and raised her finger. “I keep forgetting there are people in this town who never heard about it.” “So that’s what Sugarcoat meant when she said Flash fucked horses!” Indigo exclaimed, laughing. “Does it even work the same, you know…” “She said that?” Flash flipped a knife in his hand. “Sugarcoat!” “Hey, don’t turn my kitchen into a crime scene.” Sandalwood ran to Flash. “Also, what’s the problem? It’s not like Sunset didn’t pony up in that music video of yours.” “I honestly thought it was cheap CGI,” Indigo muttered. “Girls either didn’t notice or they forgot to tell me.” “Or they thought that it’s nothing compared to interdimensional rifts.” Sunset shrugged. “In my book, not even vines could beat that.” “Hmm, many things in your world seem to have vines…” Indigo muttered. “I learned about it first-hand.” Sunset blushed, but before she could reply, Sugarcoat walked into the kitchen. “Did someone call me?” “I did,” Flash replied. “Would you refrain from telling everyone that I fuck horses?” “You don’t help your case by wording it like that,” Sugarcoat muttered. “Also, Sandalwood, we broke your cousin. Or rather, your rat did.” “Where’s she?” Sandalwood asked. “She locked herself in the attic,” Sugarcoat replied. “Muffins tries to reason with her… Though, to think about it, ‘there are surely more rats in there' probably won’t calm her down.” “I’ll go there,” Sandalwood said. “Though I’m not sure if I have a spare key.” Bulk stood up. “I’ll go with you. I don’t need a key.” Eventually, the rescue team sent to get Juniper consisted of Sandalwood, Bulk, and Indigo. They climbed up the old, narrow, and creaky stairs. There were almost no lights in there – Sandalwood explained that they barely used the attic, crammed to the ceiling with stuff belonging to Sandalwood’s deceased grandma. Indigo hoped the grandma herself wasn’t included. When they reached the top of the stairs, it turned out the door was slightly ajar. Muffins, however, was nowhere to be found. “Muffins?” Bulk asked. “Juniper?” “You can come out,” Sandalwood said. “There are no rats in here, just us.” “You know?” Indigo smiled sheepishly. “In horror movies, the blonde dies first.” “Shut up, Indigo.” Sandalwood pushed the door open. “I’m pretty sure they’re–” He paused, realising what was in front of him. The only source of light was the pale moonlight coming through a small window. The attic was full of coffers, cases, and old wardrobes, filled with old books, clothes, and devices the purpose of which they could only guess. In the middle of the room, in a puddle of some dark liquid, lay a motionless body with long, blonde hair scattered on the floor. Above it, there stood a tall, thin woman in a white, old-fashioned lace wedding dress, covered in dust and cobwebs. She was staring at the moon, seemingly unaware of their presence. Sandalwood hid behind Indigo, which wasn’t easy, given that she was about a foot shorter. She immediately smacked him, muttering something nasty. The tall woman in white slowly turned to them; most of her face was covered by a large hat, but they could see her smile, showing every single one of her teeth. “Hello there,” she whispered. The party was over. All the parents took their respective kids home, leaving Sour Sweet and Sweet Leaf almost alone by the family entertainment centre – the only other people were Sour Sweet’s parents and siblings, trying to put Sweet Dreams in her safety seat. Sour Sweet couldn’t blame her sister – she wasn’t a fan of her mother’s driving, herself. “So, that was a great party, wasn’t it?” Sweet Leaf smiled, walking through the half-melted snow to her car. Sour Sweet shrugged. “If you like parties for kids… Though you saved my life with that magician. For once, my parents are not mad at me after a family meeting.” “Yeah.” Sweet Leaf smiled at Sour Sweet. “Although I wonder why your parents kept giving me weird looks.” Sour blushed. “Well, I may have chosen the wrong moment to tell them that I’m bisexual. You know, in the middle of Christmas and so on…” She turned to Sweet Leaf and looked at her, smiling sheepishly. “Also, you kinda look like my ex, so…” “Oh.” Sweet Leaf muttered. “I mean… Did they think that we...” “I don’t know,” Sour Sweet said. “Do we?” Sweet Leaf raised her eyebrows. “Do we what?” She backpedalled, seeing Sour’s expression. “I mean… I think it’s way too early and–” “Don’t bother yourself with that.” Sour Sweet sighed. “I’m not looking for anyone right now either. It’s still a fresh thing,” she muttered. “My ex, that is. Ungrateful, little–” She cleared her throat. “I’d better go.” Sweet Leaf watched as Sour Sweet turned back and rushed to her parents’ car, a bit faster than it was necessary. For a moment she thought about following her, but then she shrugged and went to her car. She sat inside, thinking of Sour Sweet. When she turned the engine on and drove home, her thoughts drifted away to the school and the hospice. This suddenly led her to a thought of Lemon Zest. Sweet Leaf sighed, banging her fingers against the steering wheel. “Damn you, sweet, lost Crystal Prep girls…”