"Come on you..." Diamond snarled in frustration, trying to pull her uncooperative mother in a certain direction. "I have to get you home now. Hopefully, Daddy'll know what to do with you, because by Celestia, I certainly don't."
"Huh? Where ya taking me now, Crownie?" Spoiled Milk stared down at her daughter with confusion, planting her feet firmly on the ground and not moving an inch. "Aye mean, now that I'm better an' all, don'tcha think I better be gettin' back to work? Them cows ain't gonna be milkin' themselves after all 'cos they can't be reachin' that far, and McGruber needs all the 'elp 'e can get lately, 'specially with 'is lumbago an' stuff."
"Once more, for like the zillionth time, I haven't got a clue what you're on about." Diamond heaved her chest to push her mother along the old track, succeeding only in terms of millimetres. "What I can tell you though, is that in all likelihood you're going to be suspended from your real job. You know, the one you actually had prior to framing all my friends for things they didn't do? Now I have to take you back to the mansion, because nopony around here can stand the sight of you right now, even more so than before. And for the record, my name is Diamond Tiara, not 'Crownie'."
" 'Crownie' suits you better though, me little filly." Spoiled Milk remarked fondly to her determined charge, suddenly picking her up to give her a tight squeeze." Who gave y'all such a stupid name, anyhoo? An' who went and plonked me in the middle of nowhere, 'cos aye must say, aye don't be recognisin' any o'these here buildings or ponies passing by whatsoever..."
"This is Ponyville, where you live, although you wish with all your heart everyday you could move somewhere more 'upmarket'. You gave me my name yourself, which isn't much of a surprise as the only thing you let Daddy choose is whether to pay by cash or credit. Now, will you put me down, Mother! You know I get nauseous if my tummy is crushed too much..." Diamond gasped, referring to a certain incident at her fifth birthday celebrations when Impossibly Rich decided to hug her granddaughter with rather too much vigour at the dinner table. Sufficed to say, the potato casserole was off permanently from then on.
"Come now little one, don'tcha think this joke be goin' on for jus' a bit too long?" Spoiled grinned at the pink filly's pointless struggles, but nevertheless respected her wishes by depositing her back onto the ground. "Aye mean, it be nice meetin' all your friends 'n all, 'n goin' round and round in that chair was the most fun aye be avin' since the old tyre swing snapped, but when me job could be on the line, maybe it be time to get serious now. What exactly be happenin' here, where aye be taken when aye be out for the count, n' where you be tryin' push me next?"
For the first time, a few cracks of anxiety started peeking through Spoiled Milk's effervescent facade, and Diamond Tiara began to wonder if she'd done the right thing when she'd told Red Cross and Cheerilee she could 'look after her own mother'. After all, the mansion may be just a short walk from the school, but getting her there in the first place seemed like an almost impossible task. Come on Di, think. Use those patented leadership skills you know you possess to bend her to your will. If you could get her to deliver a note to Daddy with a request for thousands of bits for the new playground, surely this should be foal's play. Now, what has she said so far that could help me out...
All at once, Diamond thought she had it. "Y-Yes, that's right... a 'joke'. When you accidentally beaned yourself on that bucket earlier, Dairy Cream and the rest of your friends took you to another place, to try to confuse you when you woke up. But there's no fooling the great Spoiled Milk, is there? They never had you going for a single minute, and now Dairy, McGruber and the rest of the gang are at my mansion, waiting in the dark to jump out at you as soon as we get in. I shouldn't really say anything, but I think I heard the word 'promotion' being bandied about before I left, as part of the big surprise. S-So, shall we go?"
Ugh, that was awful, Di. D- at best. She's never going to fall for that load of old mule droppings. The pink filly internally cursed herself, as her eyes slowly wandered upwards to a suddenly stock-still Spoiled Milk. The older mare seemed to be taking in every word her daughter said, and it was all Diamond could do to avoid breaking out in heavy sweat as she waited for a response...
"Oh Dairy, that silly minx!" Spoiled unexpectedly erupted into uproarious laughter, attracting the attention of a few curious passers-by. "That sounds like jus' the sorta thing she'd do, so it does! Surprised she be goin' to all this effort for a prank n' all, but aye wouldn't put it past 'er. Come on then Crownie, you point us in the right way n' aye be leadin' us there. We'll sort 'er out together, if it be the last thing we do!"
From Spoiled Milk not wanting to budge an inch to almost pulling her own daughter's hoof off in her rapid retreat was a somewhat unpredicted turn from the adult, albeit a welcome one. It was all Diamond could do to give her precious Cutie Mark a satisfied rub 'still got it' before being hoisted off her feet, as her excited mother began making fast progress along their designated route.
Watching them leave together, having agreed in advance to 'see them off' and make sure their departure went smoothly, the Crusaders stared at the formerly stoic mare and their flustered friend ride off into the distance as one, each filly with mixed thoughts regarding what had gone down that very eventful afternoon.
"Well, that was... somethink, alright." Apple Bloom struggled to put her opinions into actual words.
"Yeah, it sure was." Scootaloo seemed to be on the same page as the stupefied farm filly.
"Do you think they... I mean, she'll be alright?" Sweetie Belle, ever the nervous kind, came the closest to expressing a real question.
Upon hearing this, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo spun around to face their unicorn companion, with the quickest and hastiest of reassurances you could possibly imagine.
"D-Diamond will do fine, Sweetie Belle. Everythin' is going to be just great! Who's worryin'?! I'm not worryin'!"
"Y-Yeah, me neither! Come on, let's get back to class! Half of math missed already, woo hoo! Never thought I'd hear myself say these words... but 'thank you Spoiled' !"
As two not-at-all-rattled fillies ran back to join Miss Cheerilee and the rest of their group, the third one stayed behind briefly to look beneath her horn, to offer a very solemn and extremely heartfelt:
"Good luck."
..........................................................
"So, where they be? Ooh, aye can't wait! Are me parents here too? Be there a cake? Should aye act surprised?!" These and many more irritating questions poured forth from the flapping gums of Spoiled Milk, as she and her daughter speedily arrived at the front gates of Rich Mansion.
They'd nearly bumped into or knocked over several ponies en route, forcing Diamond to profusely apologise on those occasions before being forced back into a cloud of dust. If there were two things the pink filly had learned about Spoiled Milk during their short time together, one was that she was loud (nothing new there), another was that she was extremely clumsy.
"E-Er, well, you're just going to have to wait and see, aren't you!" Diamond put on her best fake smile, while gently tapping her mother's hoof. "Now, why don't I go in first to make sure everything's prepared, and you just wait here for me to return? Don't you be going anywhere now... we planned all this special for you, after all. W-Well, see you soon!"
Despite her laudable success in getting Spoiled Milk here in the first place, Diamond was a bit flummoxed as to what her next move should be. She could have taken her mother down to the hospital for a proper examination, but she didn't exactly want to act too impulsive without the blessing of her Father.
Besides, being the wealthy stallion that he was, he tended to use his own private physicians instead of public service alternatives, and when Spoiled eventually returned to her old 'charming' self, it was obvious who she'd be more comfortable with loitering around.
Having left behind her somewhat changed mother at the entrance with more than a little hesitation, Diamond opened the door a tad, discovering with relief that most of the hired help had gone home for the afternoon. After all, as rich as he was, Filthy was no idiot. When it was just him in the mansion working alone, there was absolutely no point in paying dozens of servants to just stand around looking haughty with nothing to occupy themselves.
The exception was, as always, loyal old Randolph. There he was in his usual place, sitting at the foot of the stairs, waiting to see if his master needed him for any unforeseen emergencies. Diamond sometimes got the impression that despite his advancing years, the only way he'd ever leave Rich Mansion was in a box. And even then, he'd probably try to resuscitate himself in zombie form to continue his decades of sterling service.
"M-Miss Tiara! W-What are you doing back here, so early from school?" the veteran butler jumped up in alarm at seeing the youngster, before his eyebrows suddenly arched in concern. "You haven't been naughty again, have you? After you were doing so well, too..."
"N-No no, nothing like that." Diamond smiled sheepishly at the concerned butler, who seemed to have taken it upon himself to be a sort-of monitor for the pink filly's future conduct. "I-I just wondered if you could get Daddy for me. It's very important, or I wouldn't be here. It's to do with Mother..."
"Oh, can't it wait just a while longer, Miss?" If Randolph wasn't such a practised professional at hiding his emotions, he would've hoofpalmed there and then. "He was just sitting down with a nice cup of the finest grass extract, ready to finish off his latest big deal with the Appleloosian consortium. If Mistress Spoiled starts asking him for money again, it may just distract him so much that he misses the deadline tomorrow."
"I swear, this has absolutely nothing to do with bits, Randolph. Now, if you would be so kind, I'd like you to go and tell my Father I would like an urgent word with him. This minute, if you please." Diamond wasn't used to being quite so officious with her butler, but this really couldn't wait any longer. Who knows what trouble Spoiled Milk could get into during her enforced absence, and she'd been in enough trouble over her life to start taking responsibility for other pony's messes too.
With nothing more than a stiff bow, and a curt "Very good, miss," Randolph eventually relented to the pink filly's request, and it wasn't too long before a bedraggled Filthy appeared from the balcony upstairs. He had bags the size of suitcases under his eyes, a slight stagger in his walk and a familiar oh-no-not-again look in his expression. In other words, he seemed a little worse for wear.
"Darling, you know better than to disturb Daddy when he's on the verge of clinching one of the biggest distribution agreements in Barnyard Bargain's history." Filthy yawned, having burned the midnight oil and then some in his attempt to make sure everything was in place for the crucial meeting later. "...Especially over a matter as silly as your mother needing a new pair of cashmere galoshes, or something. You know what? I'm in no mood to argue. Just tell me how much she wants, and then I'll..."
Diamond was about to tell an adult in the mansion for a second time that (shockingly enough) the situation with her mother was nothing to do with money, until a raucous shrieking noise could be heard coming from the living room. It kind of sounded like somepony torturing a seal, but seeing as the frozen north was hundreds of miles away, there had to be another explanation... and none of them could be good.
Pausing briefly to glance at each other with concern, Diamond and Randolph scrambled to see who could get into the lounge first, while Filthy temporarily cast off his exhaustion to stampede down the stairs.
What awaited them in there was Spoiled Milk, who'd been quite unable to hold in her anticipation of the fictional party she'd been promised. Waiting until the coast was clear and Diamond's back was fully turned, she'd tip-hoofed into the biggest downstairs room to bathe in the affection of her Fillydelphian family and friends...
...Only to find nothing and nopony in there, except for a whole load of overpriced junk like the useless tat back at her office, and a large wall mirror that she'd happened to gaze into...
...And now, for the second time today, Spoiled was in an unconscious heap on the floor, leaving Diamond behind alone to explain things to a somewhat nonplussed Filthy and Randolph.
Great, even when she's somepony else, mother is still giving me problems. Oh well, here goes nothing.