//------------------------------// // Chapter 4. Cartman Is Afraid He'll Get Rainbow Dashed // Story: My Little Cartman // by Moon Flame //------------------------------//   Alright. Tail? Scales? Arm muscles? Spike raised his tiny baby dragon arms and bent them in front of the mirror.   Looking good Spike! Looking REALLY good! The door to the room opened. Spike stopped posing and turned around. It was one of the guards.   “Spike, the meeting is about to start.” The guard informed.   “Alright. I’ll be just a moment.” After more than a moment passed Spike finally felt ready to head to the throne room. It confounded the dragon why he felt so nervous. He knew princess Celestia well, he knew princess Luna well, he had even spent some time with Starswirl the Bearded. He shouldn’t be nervous about representing princess Twilight on this meeting. So, why was he? Could it be because he remembered the last time he did Twilight Sparkle’s duties? Oh, how could he ever forget the time when Twilight fell asleep inside a Canterlot suite after working too hard on preparations for the Grand Equestria Pony Summit? Twilights fear of failure did lead her to cross her own boundaries now and then, and then Spike had been in charge of making sure that she did not get disturbed by the various ponies that needed her. But instead of simply doing what he had been told Spike had crossed his own boundaries and started making decisions on her behalf. Details of what had happened next blurred inside Spikes memories, but he did remember the flooded summit hall covered in garden remains along with the broken statue. Ever since those events Spike had been caseous about moving outside of his comfort zone of humbleness. But now was the time to exit it again and be bold, but not to bold.   “Oh my.” Spikes legs started shaking while the door opened. He put on a confident face and entered the hall. There was already arguing among the attendances, Starswirls irritated voice raging right now.   “Is this really all that we’ve been able conjure up with the information we’ve received?!” Starswirl blasted, his white beard waving underneath his face. Princess Celestia stood opposite of him beside the throne. Her white coat laid beautiful behind her blue, green and pink striped mane. Unlike other hoofed creatures, Celestias mane was constantly wavering about, rising like an air marker from her royal head. Her cutie mark consisted of a sun neatly placed on her flank, marking her as the raiser of the sun in Equestria. Celestias voice was motherly and clear.   “Anabella has proven herself to be a much stronger foe than any of us expected. Her TV show are at the top of the viewing charts in South Park while our own has yet to pass pre-production.”   “The more I realize how aware I am of that the more I wish I wasn’t, how is this possible?!” Starswirl exclaimed.   “It is good that we have your contact Celestia.” Luna spoke up. “Otherwise I’m not sure if we’d even been aware the existence of the My Little Milk Cow show.” Much like her sister, Lunas light blue mane wavered from her head, making it almost look like clouds in the night sky in front of her dark blue coat. Being in charge of ponies’ dreams and the raising of the white majesty in the sky, her cutie mark consisted of a white half-moon.   “Demandora is a formidable spy Luna, but I wouldn’t put too much pressure on her.” Celestia said worried. Starswirls face grew soft and understanding.   “I know that you and her have a long history Celestia, but she has probably already been approached by Annabella. Do we know that we can trust her?” Celestia closed her eyes, as if she was trying to control her emotions. She opened them again and spoke with a soft but clear voice.   “I know that she wasn’t always the best pony while she stayed in Canterlot, but while her manners may be mean I do not doubt her conviction to the ponies of Equestria.” Celestia hoped with all her heart that she was right. She needed it as much as Equestria needed it, especially if cow princess Anabella still had her sights on destroying Equestria and create an inter-dimensional friendship empire.   “The question is how much her conviction matters now? If recent reports are right then Anabella might have won the propaganda war. I say we pull Demandora out of there and create a barrier between here and South Park.” Starswirl proposed.   “I know it is risky to keep it open Starswirl, but I fear the consequences closing it might have. Remember, we do not know yet the full extent of the forces the dimensional wormhole has.” Celestia said.   “As the one studying it I am more than aware of that old pupil, but time is running out.”   “I’m afraid that I must agree with Starswirl sister,” Luna broke in. “With the propaganda war won by Annabella we might be looking at a full-scale invasion soon.”   “I know that things look dark, but there have been some polls out in the dimension of South Park showing the popularity of ponies are rising, maybe it isn’t too late for the My Little Pony show?” Celestia brainstormed.   “Are you saying that…?” Princess Luna was interrupted.   “Ahum, excuse me?”   “Ah. Spike the humble dragon. I was wondering when you would be joining us. Tell us, how are things going for princess Twilight’s new pupil?” Celestia asked.   “Great!” Spike answered, remembering the letters Twilight had sent to him about Human. He then felt his humbleness flushing over his confident answer. “Or, I don’t know…” Spike hesitated. “I mean, I haven’t seen him yet. But judging on the letters I’ve been receiving from Twilight, he seems to be learning.”   “I am glad to hear that Spike.” Celestia said.   “Do you know what we were talking about Spike?” Luna asked.   “I heard it was about the cold war against the cows.” Spike recalled.   “Against Anabella.” Celestia pointed out. “We still have yet to make real acquaintance with her subjects.”   “What about her?” Spike asked. Celestia sighed. She turned to her guards.   “Send him in.” She ordered. A colt entered the hall.   “Shadow Hoof, tell us about the time I sent you to the Milk Empire.” Celestia requested her spy.   “You sent me there to talk to…” The spy hesitated. He closed his mouth, as if he was trying to hold something in.   “You can make it through this Shadow Hoof.” Celestia comforted.   “You sent me there to talk to cow princess Anabella. She obliged and introduced me to her cow friends. She told them ‘We have a lovely visitor here, let’s give him a welcome worthy of a pony’ And then…” Shadow Hoof closed his mouth again. His stomach jerked.   “And then what? You can do this, there is nothing to be ashamed of, you’re among friends now.” Celestia reassured. Shadow hoof continued with horror in his voice.   “They charged me. Her cow friends held me down. Anabella sat down in front of me. She made me… me…” The stomach of the pony retracted inwards. “She made me-HURG...” There were the sound of slobby things splatting against the castle floor when Shadow Hoof vomited all over it. The splatter continued for almost half a minute. The light brown puke laid like a mountain whilst acidic rivers ran down to the sides.   “Urgh… Sorry princesses. She made me taste her milk.”   “It is alright Shadow Hoof. You’re a brave stallion to tell us this. Thank you. Now, go home and take the rest of the day of.”   “Thank you, Princess.” After the mess had been cleaned up Spike had some questions for the princess.   “Excuse me Celestia, I heard you say that Anabella was a princess of friendship to. It sounds like her and Twilight have a common cause. Why not use that to make peace with her? If that doesn’t work then we can just use the elements of harmony against her.” Spike proposed.   “I have tried to talk to Anabella Spike, but it seems like she has a completely different idea of what friendship is. Regarding her hatred for ponies, I am afraid that Anabellas intentions are crystal clear. She will stop at nothing until the ponies of Equestria have been driven to the darkest part of the universe. Regarding the elements of harmony, I have been thinking the same thing Spike but… Well, Starswirl?” Starswirl the Bearded touched what his last name implied.   “I have been studying the wormhole for a while now and I appears that our magic can make it through, but not beyond it.”   “Why not?” Spike asked.   “We do not know for sure Spike.” Luna took over. “But it seems like the magic of friendship gets stuck in limbo somewhere in… eh.” Luna hesitated.   “Somewhere in?”   “I do not know how to say this right, Celestia?” Luna turned to her sister.   “It is alright sister, say it the way we concluded earlier.”   “Our data is conflicting Spike, but it looks like the place called South Park is such a self-aware, sky-soaring, fantasy-like, bona fide shithole that the power of friendship is rendered powerless once we try and channel it.”   “You forgot ‘mother-fucking’ sister.” Celestia pointed out.   “Shut up BITCH!” The saliva sailed through the air whilst the princess of the night cursed. The silence laid itself inside the throne room, although Celestia didn’t seemed angry at all at her sister’s outburst. Lunas face dropped in regret.   “I am sorry sister. I do not know what got into me.”   “It is alright sister, we are all having a hard time containing the urges.” Celestia said motherly.   “Indeed.” Starswirl broke in. “It is accommodable Luna, how fast you snapped out of the South Park spiral FUCK YOU STUPID CASTLE, I’M GONNA KILL YOU AND T BAG YOUR CORPSE!” Starswirl covered his mouth, his eyes widened by shame. Celestia laughed.   “It’s alright Starswirl, I know your room is cold. I will have my interior designers put some fabric in there. Maybe I’ll even send for Rarity.”   “That sounds like a splendid idea!” Rarity awed.   “Splendid?” Erik Cartman blurted, having no memory of giving any proposals.   “Oh, I’m sorry Human, I just got a little carried away.” Despite her apology Rarity didn’t seem to slow down at all as she trotted around her wares. Her white horn lit up. A roll of fabric went sailing from one of the corners of her Ponyville boutique, the one she called Carousel Boutique. Her white coat was dotted with her cutie mark, which consisted of three diamonds, neatly placed on her flank. There was a gust of wind blowing from the entrance.   “Hello Rarity!” Rainbow Dash greeted. Upon entering Raritys boutique Rainbow Dash immediately noticed Twilights new student and, as always when there was a new creature in town, she felt the excitement grow within her. She couldn’t wait to spread her wings and watch Human’s mouth drop open in awe while she rubbed her awesomeness in his face. If normal flying wouldn’t do it then a Sonic Rainboom definitely would. A Sonic Rainboom was a phenomenon that occurred when Rainbow Dash flew so fast that she achieved sonic speed, causing a massive rainbow to explode in the sky. Rainbow Dash was famous all over Equestria for the move.   “Hello Rainbow Dash. I was just giving Twilight’s new student here a rundown of…” Rarity kept talking about her new gowns, but Eric Cartman wasn’t listening. Only one phrase echoed inside his mind.   Rainbow Dash…Rainbow Dash…Rainbow Dash. Eric Cartman’s eyes remained bland, but his mind erupted into panic.   Oh no, the homosexuals found me again! Rainbow Dash turned to Cartman.   “Hello Human. Nice to finally see you got away from Twilight!” Rainbow Dash laughed at her own joke. She had a raspy voice and her face grinned in a rad manner.   “Hi.” Cartman answered plainly. Rainbow Dash’s laughter got stuck while Cartmans bland response sank in. Cartmans mind raced on.   He is trying to decide whether I’m worth the risk!   “I heard you were staying at Twilights castle.” Rainbow Dash bumped her hoof on Cartmans shoulder. “I hope she didn’t make you go through too many of her boring checklists!”   He knows where I’m staying!   “It’s a shame that you’ve been so busy lately with Twilights boring friendship lessons. I really wished that we could hang out someday!” Rainbow Dash leaned closer to him. “Who knows, maybe I’ll even give you a free Wonderbolt flying session? I am pretty fast, you know?” Rainbow Dash raised her wings while she offered Cartman to show off her flying skills. Rarity turned to the pegasus pony.   “Tell me darling, I know this might sound pre-mature, but I have a design for a Grand Galoping dress here that I think might suit you.” Rarity offered, referring to the annual Grand Galloping Gala. Cartmans mind trembled at the sound of only half the phrase.   Grand Galloping Dress!   “Rarity, you and your dresses never give in, do they?!” Rainbow Dash asked incredulously.   “What? It never hurts to plan for the future. Besides, you know that I always come prepared.”   “Yea, right. Next thing you’d be telling me that you have something for Human here as well!” Rainbow Dash hoof motioned Cartman.   “As a matter of fact, it so happens that I have. I was just about to measure him and see If he fits the prototype that I’ve made.” Cartmans blood froze.   Oh no, they’re dressing me up for the act! Rarity had some of her fabrics hover over from a nearby chest.   “Hold this.” Rarity gave Rainbow Dash a diamond, then added. “In fact, keep it. I don’t need it.”   “Thanks Rarity!”   She is paying him! She’s paying him for a rainbow dash! Rarity brought out a ruler from the chest.   “Alright. I’m just going to do some preparations. Would you mind taking of your clothes, Human?” It was common in the land of Equestria that ponies only wore clothes on finer occasions, otherwise they usually walked around bare coated. Rarity had no idea that humans wore clothes in public all the time.   “My clothes?” Cartman asked, his heart thumping in terror.   “Yes, for measurements mainly.” Rarity explained.   “You heard the lady, take of your clothes!” Rainbow Dash blasted in his face.   “Rainbow Dash! That’s no way to behave, what if he feels embarrassed?!” Rarity scolded.   “But we will never be done here if you never finish your preparations!” Rainbow Dash turned to Cartman and smiled. “If you give my friend the honour and take off your clothes, then I promise you that I will show you my Sonic Rainboom!” The door to the boutique opened. An orange pony with a ponytail entered.   “Hi their fellas, I was just checking if Human was here.”   “Hello Apple Jack. You’re in luck, he is right here…” Raritys face dropped in disbelief. “…He was Here.” Rarity looked around the empty area where Human recently had been.   “He is gone.” Rainbow Dash said bewildered.   “I think I saw him run upstairs when I came in here.” Apple Jack informed.   “I wonder why that could be?” Rarity looked sideways at Rainbow Dash.   “What?! You were the one who told him to take his clothes off!”   “I asked him Rainbow Dash, but you demanded!” Rarity scolded.   “Yea, whatever.” Rainbow Dash retreated. Rarity sighed.   “I guess I should go and apologize to him.” The skin on Cartmans chubby legs flapped about while he ran across the bedroom. He opened the closet and pressed his fat ass inside. He closed the door a hid among Raritys clothes. His heart thumped with fear.   He told me he would whip out his Sonic Rainboom! They cannot find me, I have to… Cartman cut the thought along with his breath while he heard the sound of hooves entering the room. He watched the light from the gap darken repeatedly as a silhouette moved about outside. It moved back and forth until it stopped. The silence laid itself. The closet door slammed open. Raritys horn sparkled fiercely. From outside ponies could behold the beauty of Carousel Boutique. The round building rose majestically with its wavering flag pole piercing the sky. Cartmans scream could be heard coming from inside the upper floor bedroom.   “HELP! I’M BEING RAINBOW DASHED BY A UNICORN!”   “Are you sure it is fine Human?” Twilight asked her student.   “Yes, its fine.” Cartman assured. Twilight and Cartman was sitting at the dining table inside Twilights castle, discussing previous events. Twilight had started to feel hesitant about the honesty of her student.   “Really? Cause I talked to Rarity the other day about what happened at her boutique and she told me that you looked pretty scared.” Cartman couldn’t let Twilight know that he was onto them and their rainbow dash scheme.   “Yes. I was really scared at the time. I thought I would get rainbow dashed, as in taken for a flight again. You remember when we flew together from the Tree of Harmony, don’t you? You remember how scared I was.” Twilight remembered Cartmans calm, eyes half-closed, blank stare of disbelief riveted toward the horizon, his chubby arms raised like if he was using them as wings while she carried him through the sky. Twilights mouth bent in bewilderment.   “Really? You were that scared?”   “I was terrified.” Twilight Sparkle wasn’t sure what to think. But she was sure that some kind of misunderstanding laid at the bottom of it all. She wanted to press Human further but she couldn’t afford to lose her students trust in her, she couldn’t afford to fail the first assignment the cutie map had given her in a long time.   “Alright, as long as the misunderstanding is sorted out. How are things going otherwise?” Twilight asked.   “Some misunderstandings here and there, but otherwise, I’m doing great. I’m really learning a lot.” Cartman lied confidently.   “Glad to hear that Human. What have you learned so far?” Cartman felt his blood freeze. If he couldn’t convince Twilight that he was making progress with her friendship lessons she would probably cut straight to the chase, call for her pony friends and give him a round of rainbow dash here and now.   “I have learned that all your friends love you equally, if they are indeed your friends, no matter what they call you or what you call them.” Cartman decided to feed Twilight the same bullshit that he fed Fluttershy. Twilight lit up.   “When did you learn that?” Cartman told Twilight what Fluttershy learned while he was in her house, except replacing the learner with himself, and leaving out the bear that threatened to crush the skull of the teacher. Twilight was overjoyed.   “I must admit that I am impressed Human. I never knew that you would be learning by yourself so quickly. I guess having you meet my friends was a good idea.” Twilights horn lit up. She had a parchment hover over to her. She read it while continuing. “Speaking of. I have one more friend for you to meet that I believe…” Twilights voice drowned by a sudden explosion of confetti followed by a pink blur. The biggest smile Cartman had ever seen widened only centimetres in front of his face, followed by a high ear-piercing voice.   “SURPRISE!”   “Pinkie Pie! Not now!” Twilight scolded.   “Of course not, silly. The actual Welcome to Ponyville party dedicated to Human isn’t until this afternoon, this is only the celebration of the ten-day anniversary of Humans stay here at the Castle of Friendship!” Cartman could not have imagined how annoying the voice of the pink pony actually was. To her credit though, despite her being higher in pitch, she wasn’t even close of being as annoying as Wendy Testaburger. In other words, at least she wasn’t giving hyperactive shout outs about the moral state of Equestria. Pinkie Pie stood on top of the table. She grabbed a cake and slabbed it all over the right side of her face. The marzipan went sliding down. Cartmans blank stare of disbelief showed no signs of a reaction.   “There is no such celebration.” He said. Pinkie Pie gave out an ear-piercing laughter. “Na, you’re just saying that. There is a celebration for everything.” Pinkie Pies high voice spouted words in an increasingly faster pace.   “As a matter of fact, I already have four celebrations planned for you the next three moons, not that I believe it will take that long for you to end your lessons with Twilight but, who knows, I’m always good for preparing for anything. I know I’ve already prepared for Twilights, Apple Jacks and Raritys birthdays, unless Fluttershy visits her parents at that time, in that case I just move her birthday party to the day before Apple Jacks birthday party.” Pinkie Pie put on a smile wider than her head usually was. “The rest we can squeeze in later!”   “Right.” Cartman said.   “I KNOW, RIGHT!?”   “Right.” Twilight said, putting on a nervous smile. Indeed, to out-friendship Pinkie Pie would be a task to great for any princess of friendship. The afternoon came, eventually. It had felt like days for Eric Cartman while suffering through Pinkie Pies seizures.   “Pinkie Pie. I know this might sound like an overly picky question, but do you ever run out of air?” He had asked. There had been a highly pitched answer.   “Run out of air?! Of course not, silly! I’ll never run out of air, and the air never run out of Pinkie Pie!”   Not much to argue with there. Cartman had thought. The pink pony kept bouncing all around her party cakes and confetti, making her indeed look like a party balloon with unlimited air. Cartman wanted to grab the Pinkie balloon and squeeze it until it made sliding sounds before rocketing upwards and kept going until it was beyond the clouds. He would have done it too if he didn’t know that Pinkie Pie would probably have enjoyed it. The party now continued inside a place called Sugarcube Corner. Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Apple Jack all joined in eventually. They all danced to a ditty electric tune among a scenery of multi coloured party balloons, cakes and cups filled with lemonade. Cartman was standing right in the middle of it all, his mind gone numb with lame long ago. Cartman didn’t care anymore. His hanging arm muscles, built only by the pressing of the TV controller and opening of the refrigerator, flapped about while he made the same turning motion with them over and over again, dancing the samba of lameness. His blank stare of disbelief was riveted at the window. Twilight looked at her student. So far, she had felt that Humans blank stare was part of who he was, the same way Maud Pie, a sister Pinkie Pie had quietness as part of hers. But the princess of friendship started growing restless. So far Human had been rather quiet about the friends he had before he got to Equestria. Twilight felt she needed to get Human to open up somehow if she ever hoped of solving his problem. At least she had image proof of her own friendships now. Yes indeed, at one point a photographer had showed up to the party. Twilight had asked him what he was doing there and received the answer.   “Sorry princess, I’m only a photographer, but if you need to know then I guess you should ask Celestia. She wanted all of you in one picture together.” Twilight assumed it was a memory gather thing. She shrugged and called all her friends to pose in front of the camera.   “Do you want to be in the picture too Human?” Twilight asked Cartman.   “Yea.” He answered disinterested and continued dancing like his life depended on it but he never really cared about his life. After the picture was taken a pink face immediately jumped up in front of Cartman. She made a ‘Woo’ sound of interest.   “Woo, I see you’re enjoying the party so far Human.” Pinkie Pie piped.   “Yes, I do.” Cartman answered disinterested while moving his arms back and forth. Pinkie Pie felt Cartmans disinterest, but she didn’t judge him. To her, any mindset could enrich a party as long as one approached it the right way.   “Woo, I love your dance. Can I try?!” Cartmans blank face showed no sign of answering. Pinkie Pie placed herself beside Cartman and did the exact same stale movement as him, putting on the same wide-eyed stare of disbelief. There were hooves walking up behind Cartman, followed by a soft voice.   “Eric?” Cartman turned to Fluttershy. She whispered in his ear.   “Eric. I noticed earlier that Twilight called you Human. Have you not told her yet that your name is Eric Cartman?” Of all the ponies Cartman had met Fluttershy was the only one he had told his real name thus far. Everypony else believed that Cartman was his race name while Human was his Christian name due to a misunderstanding that occurred during Twilight and Cartmans first meeting. Cartman was about to come up with an excuse why he hadn’t told anypony yet when Twilight interrupted them.   “Hello Fluttershy. How are things going with that colt you found in the forest?”   “He is much better. But it’s odd, because he swears that he was turned into a pony.”   “I say you found yourself a crazy nut!” Rainbow Dash blasted herself into the conversation.   “That was my first thought to Rainbow Dash, until he started walking. It looked like he actually needed to learn from scratch how to walk on four hooves. A colt at his age should have no problem with that. I don’t think he’s lying.” Fluttershy said.   “What’s his name?” Twilight asked.   “Cartman!?” A scratchy voice exclaimed in the doorway. All the party attendances looked toward the party crasher.   “Look, there he is.” Fluttershy informed. Cartman festered his eyes at the doorway. His human eyes meet with an orange colt with a blue mane and tail. He was years younger than the mares in the room. The surprised face of the colt kept exclaiming.   “Cartman, what the hell are you doing here!?”   “You two know each other?” Fluttershy asked bewildered. Cartman recognized the voice of the colt, and yet he asked bitterly.   “Who are you?”   “It’s me Cartman, Stan!” The colt answered. Cartman and Stan looked silently at each other for several seconds. Cartmans blank face showed no emotions.   “Dude, you’re a pony.”   “Yes, I noticed that, thanks to that crazy teacher of yours I’m not a human anymore!” Stan answered irritatingly.   “And you’re naked.” Stan opened his mouth to answer but got stuck in his breath. He grunted and shook his head in a display of incredulous.   “Yes, I know I am. There are no pants for dude ponies here, Cartman!”   “You’ve had the whole day to find something.”   “Find something?! You try and find something to grasp with these worthless hooves!”   “And yet you decided to come here where you knew there would be girls.” Cartman said and hand motioned the mane 6.   “Yes!” Stan blasted. He shook his head. “…Or no. I mean...”   “They can see your dick, Stan.”   “No, they can’t! I have coat below…”   “Someone should really call the cops.”   “Shut up fat ass!”   “Hold on a minute here fellas?” Apple Jack broke in. She hoofed motioned Cartman. “Did you just call this fellow here Cartman?”   “Yes, of course. That’s his name, Eric Cartman.”   “And you were a human before? So, you two are not Cartman Berries?” Rainbow Dash asked, her eye lids dropping in bewilderment.   “Cartman berries? What the fuck, of course not, do I look like a fat ass like him!?” Stan asked angry. There was a long moment of awkward silence. The faces of all the ponies in the room turned to the alicorn princess. Twilight laughed nervously.   “A berry, a Human, an easy mix up. Ehehehehe.”   “But if he’s not a berry that grew from the Tree of Harmony, then how did you two get here?” Rarity asked.   “I have no idea how Cartman got here…” Stan answered Rarity before turning to Cartman. “…but I was turned into a pony after your teacher caught me breaking into her office. Demandora is a unicorn, Cartman.”   “Demandora? Where have I heard…?” Twilights voice dwindled.   “Did you come here to recue me?” Cartman asked.    “Kyle came, not me.”   “Kyle is here too?”   “I don’t know where he is, but he’s probably in South Park still.” Stans pony face lowered into a combination of anger and sadness. “Look at me Cartman. This is all your fault.”   “My fault? Weren’t you the one who broke into Demandoras office?” Cartman asked. Stan's mind went back, but not to the break in. Stan's mind went back to all those times Cartman didn’t show up for the movies, didn’t show up for the LAN parties, didn’t show up for any of those normal all-day hangouts. Stans mind went back to the time when Cartman stopped being his jerk friend and started preferring staying home instead and being Demandoras ‘humble’ student. Stan shook his head.   “You don’t understand Cartman, you’ll never understand.”   “Well, I understand that you’re a burglar and an asshole!” Cartman raised his voice for the first time since he came to Equestria.   “Right, so now you’re being sincere?”   “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Cartman said and raised his arms.   “You don’t talk to me for weeks, you don’t call me for weeks and then suddenly, first now you’re being honest with me, first now when it’s time to tell me that I’m not your friend anymore.” Stan's voice started swaying. “Well I’m not your friend either. I’m going to find my way out of here, and then you can stay here.” There was a moment of awkward silence, Stans emotional breathing being the only thing that could be heard. The ponies looked with bewildered faces at the arguing friends, all except Twilight, who had her eyes lowered in sadness.   “Fine, I stay here.” Cartman said, his voice back to static.   “FINE!” Stan roared. He turned and galloped into the denseness of Ponyville. The door slammed behind him. Stan galloped far away from Sugarcube Corner toward the Everfree Forest. Once there he made his way behind a patch of trees and fell into sulking. Around him the forest widened with its trees high and crowns majestic. The sound of animals and critters jittered around him. He noticed a compacted patch of grass tuft in front of him. He kicked it as he laid on his tummy, watching it sway while he rid his head of both Cartman and unanswered questions of how he would turn himself back into a human again. The grass tuft loosened from the ground and sailed a half meter away from him, too far for him to reach again or bother rising up and get it. Yes, the grass tuft was now unreachable, much like how things was with his friendship with Cartman. Was this it? After all those years of Cartman being his asshole friend since kindergartener was this finally the day when they stopped hanging out? And with Cartman gone would this be it for him, Kyle and Kenny to? They sure had a connection still, but without Cartman there to liven things up? Stan laid on his tummy with his hooves crumbled, feeling the grass tickle him below. He reached out his hoof to touch the grass tuft, but it was simply too far away to reach. In fact, it was almost like it drifted away by itself the further he tried to stretch his hoof. Stan watched it lift from the ground and sail toward him.   “Huh?” He blurted. The tuft landed in front of him.   “Not that I’m having any idea what you plan to do with that but, here you go.” A female voice said. Stan wailed around and spotted the same purple pony that he saw at Sugarcube corner. Her horn was sparkling like her pink eyes, her voice kind and sweet in a joking way. Stan looked bewildered her.   “How did you do that?”   “As an alicorn I can use my horn and do all kind of magical things?” She answered.   “Can you make me and Cartman friends again?”   “As the princess of friendship that is what I do, although I am afraid that is a magic trick that no horn magic can pull of.” Stan looked down at the ground. He pressed his hoof against it and watched the grass part ways between his hoof.   “This is silly.”   “There is nothing silly about wanting to connect with an old friend again.”   “This one is. Cartman has always been an asshole. He is cynical, he is mean, he makes inappropriate jokes, all on pure impulse. It’s like if Satan himself had a fat son and sent him to earth.” There was a moment of silence. Twilight let the calmness lay itself before introducing herself.   “I don’t know if you know who I am. My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I have been given the task of solving Cartmans friendship problem.”   “Well, you’ll be hard stretched to accomplish that lady.”   “What do you mean?”   “Didn’t you hear what I said?” Stan looked at Twilight. “Cartman has no friends. I don’t know how many bad ponies you meet princess, but whoever they are I can guarantee you that they aren’t even a fraction as bad as Eric Cartman. He is an evil kid, and he knows it, and he enjoys every second of it.”   “Is that why you find it silly wanting to be his friend?” Twilight asked.   “He is not my friend.” Stan looked away from the princess again. Twilight sat down beside Stan and leaned her head closer to him.   “Stan. I may not know much about the place you came from, but I asked Cartman earlier if he had any friends where he came from. Cartman told me that he had three friends. He said ‘One of them is named Stan, one Kyle and the last one Kenny.’ Stan didn’t answer. He scraped his hoof over the grass.   “But despite this,” Twilight continued. “I can’t say that I really know Cartman that much, the short time that I have spent with him. Now, from what I heard back there, it sounds like you do know him way better than me.”   “I wish I did.”   “Now, I only heard what you said back there, but as I understand you two lost contact a while back.”   “So?”   “So, how do you know that Cartman is not the same friend that he was before you lost contact?” Stan didn’t answer. He could have told Twilight that Cartman didn’t want to be his friend anymore, but deep inside Stan knew that he would be wrong if he did, this grass tuft still seemed unreachable though.   “Why can’t things just go back to the way they were?” Stan asked desperately. Twilight laid her hoof on Stans back.   “Friendship is a give and take, and sometimes friends change. But as long as friends work together and talk about their problems things have the habit of working out in the end.”   “Hm.” Was all Stan could say. Despite his lack of words, he felt a warm glimmer of hope ignite inside him. He raised his head from the ground, barely hiding his smile from the princess. Her friendly voice sounded like a fire sparkling while proposing.   “Why don’t we say we head back to my castle? I can give you a private tour. You must be curious about all the new things around here. We’ll then see if we can’t squeeze in a meeting between you and Cartman, if things still don’t work out by themselves then, I will be there and make sure they do.” Stan turned around and faced Twilight. Her pink eyes laid calmly above her smiling face. Her purple mane hanged with violet streaks like the time of day her name implied.   “Sure, princess.” Stan agreed.   “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.”