The cafe was a… quaint little place with a nice view of the center square, where Town Hall sat right in the middle. I popped a squat on one of the outdoor tables while James flagged down a waitress. It didn’t take long before one showed up and handed us our menus. I settled for a fruit salad and lemonade. I forgot to tell her to leave out the fruit I didn’t like, so I’d just pick it out and toss it to James. While we waited, my hopes for a quiet meal were dashed.
“So. You, um… You like fruit?” The fucker asked in quite possibly the most awkward way I’ve heard that didn’t come from my own mouth. The guy obviously has never had an actual date in his life if that’s his pickup line.
I held in a sigh. “Yes, I do like fruit. I’m quite fond of green apples. I like their sourness.” Mmm, just the thought of eating sour food like apples or candy makes my mouth water. I’m told that’s a natural reaction due to conditioning or something. It’d be a nice research project later. Not now though, those are tangent thoughts.
“A fan of sour apples?” He asked, as though I were the only pony who dared like the heretic apple.
“Yeah, I also like oranges and lemons. Just sucking the juice out of them is so satisfying.” Shit, my mouth is starting to water. Just deal with that before you make a mess, dumbass. Right, okay. Wait, what was he saying?
“-esting, I guess. Or maybe that’s the wrong word.” Maybe I finally got through to him that I was too weird for his tastes and he’ll back down from his seduction attempts. “I dunno, I think it’s kinda cute.” Or I could just make him think I’m more cute. For fucks sake, I’m batting a hundred today.
I had no retort, so I just dug into my pony hammerspace for anything to use as a distraction. It was an odd feeling, knowing I had some unexplainable pocket in reality In which I could store whatever. Probably how ponies got by without pockets. I’d have to see how much I could put in there until I needed a saddlebag. NO, not now, that is for later. File under “tangent” and shove it aside.
I fished out the wanted poster of the human woman and looked at it some more. Honestly, she seemed more curious than threatening in the illustration, like whoever drew it was just wondering what kind of threat she could be.
I heard a disapproving snort from across the table, and looked to see James shake his head at the poster. “Scum like her make me sick.”
“Why? What did she do that made her an agent of chaos? And what even is that anyway?” And did I count as one? Depending on who you ask, you’ll get two extremes. My friends think of me as innocent, and true to pony nature, stick behind this little herd of friendship in an attempt to keep each other safe. Kinda endearing if you think of it that way. On the other hand, hoof, etc, I’m seen as a terrorist pretty much, with the level of attention that’s been thrown my way to keep me away from Celestia’s master plan, whatever it is.
“It’s… a long story.” I wasn’t really gonna press further, but he decided he wanted to tell it anyway. “Back in my old world, I used to hang with this group of friends after school. One of them was this girl who, let’s face it, was probably more manly than half the boys. She had an interest in guns and cars - two things from my world, too long to explain what they are - and went camping a lot during summer. Anyway, we kinda were close. And by kinda, I meant we were dating.” Oh, so he did have a date in his life. I stand corrected.
“Now, I get that Equestria encourages herding, due to the extremely skewed gender ratio, but it’s different where I’m from. We typically only have one partner. So when I found out she was cheating on me with the head cheerleader, I… Well, I kinda flipped, and I may or may not have decked the dude in the face.”
His story was interrupted by a near spit-take from me as I tried to hold in laughter. His girlfriend cheated on him with the head cheerleader? Didn’t that sort of thing usually happen in reverse? He glared at me and I waved him off. “Sorry, sorry. I just thought of something funny. Carry on.”
“Uh huh. Where was I? Oh yes. So after that, I dumped her. It hurt me that she cheated on me, and I kinda faded in and out of depression a few times. It wasn’t until I got to Equestria that I finally started to feel better. It helps that I found a society that values loyalty and friendship. The herding doesn’t hurt, either.” He gave a grin that I think was supposed to make me feel better, but really just churned my stomach.
I glanced away, towards the cafe, hoping the waitress would show up with our food. Alas, it was not to be. “What’s taking them so long? We didn’t exactly give them an order for hot meals.”
James shrugged. “I dunno. This usually happens when exposition dumps are given.”
I sighed. This wasn’t gonna be easy on me, was it? Fine, might as well dig deeper into his backstory. “So if you’re from the same world, how come you’re an alicorn and she’s not?”
“This is why.” He said, gesturing to the white gem around his neck. “The Element of Virtue. It was supposedly lost for thousands of years, when it was actually on my world. I stumbled upon it during a family vacation, and it transported me here, granting me the power to save Equestria from evil, as well as gifting me a new body to do it with.”
Something about what he just said struck me as extremely odd. I couldn’t figure out exactly what, though, The tingling feeling in my head had returned, and made it harder to concentrate on one given topic. In fact, it got worse. My entire body felt numb, as though my head just stopped sending signals to the rest of me. And yet, it didn’t seem to show. I could still see James look at me as if my body hadn’t gone into sleep mode.
He suddenly leaned off to the side a little and waved at someone behind me. I couldn’t see who it was, as I had no control over myself. I could very numbly feel my foreleg move, but I wasn’t the one to move it. My mouth moved on its own, but I couldn’t hear it, for some reason.
I could hear James just fine though. “I know, right? As for why my ex isn’t a pony, I think it’s just because whoever summoned her here specifically wanted a human. Humans are a naturally chaotic species. We’re basically pure evil to ponies.”
Time seemed to slow as a new voice spoke in my head. “Hmmm… I can’t rewrite your character. Interesting...”
The fog surrounding my mind began to clear, and I felt partial control over my body begin to return. “Wha? Who are you, and what did you do to me?” I asked, probably sounding crazy to anyone around me. I looked, and James didn’t move. In fact, no one did. It was like they were all frozen in time.
The voice spoke up again, still in my head. “I am simply known as Weaver. Weaver of what, you may ask? Stories, dreams, worlds… I weave reality into stories for my own entertainment. My will shapes the dreams of the characters I create and the worlds they live in.”
“So… You’re a god?”
Weaver chuckled inside my head. “No, dear pony. I am simply an author. Though to characters such as yourself, I might as well be. I can shape your world, your history, your destiny… And yet, I can’t. Not to you. Why is that?”
“Beats me. Can you just not do this again? I’d rather you not make my destiny to be part of this guy’s harem.” I huffed, crossing my forelegs. I meant business. Probably.
“This guy? Ah yes, James. A fascinating discovery, he was. Well more like he discovered me, rescued me. So I repaid him by making him the hero of the story of his dreams. He can’t know about me though. It would ruin the story if he knew about the author of it.” I could almost feel him shaking his metaphorical head. “So please don’t tell him. Or anyone. I’d hate to have to retcon that again.”
“Well since you asked nicely, I won’t. He already thinks his life is a story anyway.”
“Heh, I guess I haven’t masked my influence as well as I thought. Or he’s just that genre-savvy. Maybe I’m being a bit to cliche?”
“Most likely. But what was that about a rescue? Aren’t you like an omnipotent, metaphysical being or something?”
“Hehe, no, pony. I do have a physical form, and I’m not omnipotent.”
I waved a hoof suddenly. “But waitwaitwait. Didn’t you say you could shape entire worlds? You’re an author, you’re supposed to be a god in the stories you write.”
There was a pause before Weaver spoke again. “True, but something happened long ago. I lost the ability to weave my stories fully, by one more powerful than me. I was left weakened, almost powerless until I was rescued. The world you stand in was conjured up from James’ mind. Apparently it’s from a television show he likes. Odd, but I’m not complaining. You ponies are cute, and I always enjoyed writing musical numbers.”
“Um… Thanks.”
“The last pony I told of the true nature of your world had a panic attack and an existential crisis, yet you remain calm. Supposedly. I can’t peer into your mind like I could with other ponies. You’re like other humans in that regard. I can’t do anything to the being of James’ world. You wouldn’t happen to be from there, would you?”
“No. Wherever he’s from, I’m not.” No way I’d be lucky enough to have my world this close anyway.
“You continue to intrigue me. When I first sensed your presence, I sensed an opportunity to write a new character. I tried, but ultimately I can’t change you.”
“Well I think I’m fine with that. I don’t want to be part of your story.”
“Too late. You have already inserted yourself into my story, and I can’t rewrite you or write you out.”
Of fucking course. “What about what you’ve done to me already?”
“I only wrote your current actions, nothing more. What I’ve been able to do until now is because you were unaware of my presence. My curiosity has led me to reveal myself to you, and forfeit my limited power over your character. It never would have lasted anyway.”
“What if I just left? If you never saw me again, there wouldn’t be an issue.”
“Ah, but you’ve made an impression on our protagonist, and that would cause a new story to unfold where he would believe you’ve gone missing and search for you.”
“Couldn’t you write a new me?”
Weaver paused to think it over. “I suppose. It wouldn’t be the first time. But if you ever turned up again, there’d be a lot of issues. Unless, like James and myself, you aren’t from this world. Huh, that would explain why I can’t rewrite you.”
I smirked. “Or I just have plot armor, even from you.”
“Heh, that too. I have to wonder if the one who took my power wrote you and sent you here to mock me.”
“I hope not. I’d rather not think about such things. Contrary to my calm approach to you hijacking my body, those kinds of thoughts freak me out more than anything.”
“Very well. I must pass on one more warning though, before I leave you. Don’t provoke James. I wrote this world to be his own personal power fantasy, and that includes his Element. While he doesn’t have much skill in using it, it’s still very powerful. I can’t write his assured victory like I could with any other villain I put before him. In short, while I am a near-god in how I weave this world, he is just about the same thing, in a more personal sense.”
I cast another look at the still frozen James. “You probably jinxed it. Now I’m gonna end up provoking him in some way.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Multiple precedents.”
Weaver chuckled. “Sounds like your story is an interesting one.”
“Well so far it’s been part-running for my life, part-sitting around and talking.” Get us a few sets of armor and we could act out an episode of RvB. “Thanks for helping keep the trend going. Now I’m due to be attacked by someone.”
“Well I won’t keep you. Goodbye for now, strange pony.”
Weaver’s presence faded, and time resumed once more. And with it, James’ rambling. “But I’m not human anymore. I’m an alicorn, the pinnacle of harmony. I’m the hero of this tale.”
I held up a hoof to stop him. “You gonna stroke your own ego any further, or are we gonna eat?” The waitress had returned and set our food down. Thank you Weaver. It was odd thinking that the world I occupied was created and controlled by another. I wonder what would happen if he decided to end his story. Would the world just cease to exist? As I started eating my fruit, a cold chill went down my spine. I shuddered. No, those thoughts lead down dark paths. I tried to focus on my food, or my surroundings. No matter what though, my thoughts kept drifting back to Weaver.
James must’ve noticed my discomfort. “You okay, Sunshine? I’m not making you uncomfortable, am I?” He asked.
I shook my head. “No, it’s something else. My thoughts like to wander, and sometimes they go down some dark paths that really make me scared.” The whole turned-into-a-mare thing and the subsequent adventure kept my mind off these topics, but the talk with Weaver has finally brought them back.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No! I-I mean, no thank you. I don’t like thinking about it.” I returned to my fruit, idly glancing around at the ponies going about their day. I noticed a pink pony, Daisy I think her name was, looking at me with a spiteful glare. James noticed her as well, and Daisy gave him a smile and wave before sprinting away. “...What was that about?”
“Daisy? Oh, she’s a complete yandere. Been pining for me from afar, and has more than once sent bee-filled flowers to my herdmates.” He shook his head. “Nah, I learned once already, never stick it in crazy.”
“Pinkie Pie.” I countered.
“...Touche.” We shared a laugh. I finished off my fruit salad. I even ate the fruit I didn’t like. Was I just that distracted by my thoughts that I didn’t notice? “You’re a fast eater. I’m not even halfway through my lunch.” Ah yes, my patented vacuum mouth, om nom nomming 50% faster than more traditional mouths.
I just shrugged. “I was hungry.” I thought I caught a glimpse of Daisy again, but it was probably just a trick my eyes were playing. “Hey, I shouldn’t have to worry about getting attacked by one of your more obsessive followers, right?” Never hurt to confirm.
James shook his head. “No, though a few ponies have gone missing recently. No clue where they went though. I know there are a few evil folks running around, and I’ll take care of them when the time comes for a fitting climax.”
“You really are pushing this story thing of yours a little far, don’cha think?” I know now it really is a story, but he shouldn’t. Enough reason for me to ask.
“Sorry, it’s just this whole thing feels like I’m in a fictional world still. Things happen just like they would in any story. Which leads me to wonder…” Oh no, I knew that look in his eye. “Would you like to join me and the girls tonight? Perhaps we can work out what kind of character you are?”
Inwardly, I cursed Weaver’s very existence. More specifically, for making this world a harem anime. Outwardly, I simply shook my head. “I’m waiting for some friends to catch up with me, then we’re going out.” I half-lied. I hoped my other friends would find us soon so we could leave. Stupid Elements for sending us here…
Actually, why did they send us here?
I was pulled from that thought by two approaching ponies, Charcoal and Ceru. Finally, some welcome faces. Both appeared happy to see me, but something was… off. “Hey, find anything interesting?” I asked.
Both their eyes shifted to James, then back to me. “Yeah, who’s your… friend?” Ceru asked back, an almost strained smile on her face.
Before I could answer, Jame stood up and gave them a bow. “James, Alicorn of Virtue and Hero of Equestria, at your service.” He introduced himself.
To my surprise, neither of them seemed at all skeptical of him. Instead, they seemed impressed, almost flustered. “W-wow, that’s quite a title.” Ceru commented.
“Thank you. I take it you’re both friends of Sunshine?” They both nodded. “Lovely. I was just inviting Sunshine here to spend the night with my herd and I. Maybe she’d feel better about it if her friends were along with her.”
I shook my head again. “Sorry, I just wanted a free lunch out of you. I’m not interested in going any further.” I said firmly, getting up.
“My offer stands, and I’d like to extend it to you two as well. I’d love to get to know the three of you more.” Geez, he was a persistent one, wasn’t he?
“We’ll… think about it. Maybe it’ll be fun.” Ceru said. For some reason, an alarm began ringing in my head. Weaver can’t rewrite me… but can he rewrite my friends?
I turned to Charcoal and Ceru. “Well we should get going. I’ve got a few things I wanna check out.” That was an excuse. I just needed to get away from this guy. Invoking his wrath would just be a repeat of every other fight I’ve been in. Except this time, I don’t think my friends would be of any help. Especially if they were turned against me. Nope, bad thoughts. Go away! I’ll be fine. I’ve managed this long. And now I have weird superpowers that I have yet to deeply research.
As I walked away, that dark part of my mind decided to speak up again. But I haven’t managed well. It’s been by pure luck and the mercy of my opponents that I’ve lived this long. If I were to face one that wished more than superficial damage upon me, would I even last a minute?
I shook my head again, desperately trying to clear my head. “No,” I thought aloud, “I can do this. I have to.” I looked at my surroundings. I was in a market. Stalls were set up along the road. Ponies were all around, buying and selling goods. Produce mostly. I caught sight of Applejack near the end of the stalls, selling her own produce. I didn’t see my friends. “Did I lose them, or…” Did they not follow me?
My suspicions that Weaver could somehow rewrite their characters when I was safe had grown. Really, Weaver? You say you’re gonna leave me be, then immediately steal my friends instead? You’re a backstabbing son of a bitch. Now he’d gone and pissed me off. They had stuck with me through all this bullshit. I’m not leaving them with a questionable author spirit thing and a fucknugget alicorn.
I pulled the wanted poster out of hammerspace again and took a good look at the human on it. Fine, we’ll play your little game, Weaver. I’ll give you a story you won’t forget.