Luna studied her ashen reflection in the looking glass of her bedchamber, wondering what she was doing. Was she really going to go back to see Discord again? She'd been to visit her former old friend in the dungeons every day for the last two fortnights—ever since Discord's startling accusation that blood of someone, perhaps those ponies killed during the Changeling invasion, was on Luna's hooves as well as the chaos lord's claws—but Discord had said not a word since then. Luna had by turns pleaded, threatened, and cajoled, all to no avail. The draconequus would say nothing, do nothing, while Luna was present in the dungeon corridor outside his cell. The moment Discord heard the sound of her hoofbeats, he would stop whatever he was doing and sit, silent and immobile, in a chair staring into the fire.
A draconequus at rest outside of a containment spell was unnatural. It left an odd itch between Luna’s shoulders. And she couldn’t infiltrate his dreams. Somehow, despite the magic-dampening spells on his prison bars, he was blocking her out.
With a sigh, the Princess of the Night leaned back until her head touched the cold stone wall. She closed her eyes wearily. Only the distant roar of the sea and the chirp of crickets singing farewell to the day broke the silence of her bedroom. It gave Luna the quiet she needed to think. What could she do this evening that she hadn't done over the last four weeks? What could coax Discord into explaining himself?
A soft knock at her door pulled Luna from her musings. Tossing the waterfall of starlit mane over her shoulder, she called, "Enter." At her entreaty, Princess Cadence stepped into the room. Immediately upon seeing Cadence, some of Luna's tension eased.
"Good evening, Luna," Cadence said softly, her gentle voice like velvet warming the room.
It still surprised Luna how much the second-youngest princess had grown up. She stilled remembered when it had been little Cadence running on her short filly's legs in a hopeless effort to chase down Luna, Celestia, and Blueblood in an effort to join in on the revelries of the older princesses and prince. Now Cadence had become a full-grown mare—tall, elegant, already blooded in the First Battle of the Changelings during her own wedding, and with the magical strength and noble bearing of one of Esquestria’s alicorns.
"Good evening, Princess Cadence."
"Are you going to see Discord today?" Cadence asked when Luna said nothing more. "Has he spoken again?" Luna shook her head, and Cadence sighed. "Celestia seems positive you can do something with him where the rest of us have failed. What do you think?"
A small pain was beginning to throb behind the older mare’s left eye. Trying to block it out, Luna replied, "I know not what can be done with him, if anything. I don't even know if his words to me before have any bearing on his treachery, or if he seeks to play with my mind. I simply do not know. If Celestia can get nothing from him…" Luna shrugged almost helplessly. "I don't know."
Cadence nodded, dropping her head a little. Her violet eyes—nearly the same color as Celestia’s—darkened with worry. "Well, I know one thing—do not let Blueblood near him again, or there’s going to be a fight."
Luna arched an eyebrow. "He's in prison. And Blueblood is not so foolish as to let Discord goad him into breaking into his cell in order to—"
"Discord’s not the one goading Blueblood," Cadence interrupted. Luna's brow furrowed. "Blueblood keeps trying to get information out of him by taunting him. He’ll catch Discord drawing…whatever he’s always drawing and deliberately provoke him. Discord hasn’t responded overtly…yet. But there’s trouble brewing if Blueblood keeps it up."
"Have you spoken to Celestia about this?"
The younger princess nodded. "You know how she is about Discord. And you know Blueblood almost never listens to her, anyway. I thought about talking to Twilight, but with Fluttershy missing…"
The sigh that came from Luna then seemed to hold all the weight she felt down to her very bones. Things had been so simple that long ago day when she’d talked her sister into freeing their old friend from his stone prison. When had the world become so tangled?
If Fluttershy had been here, she could’ve done something. Fluttershy was the soul of kindness. Celestia had been positive that day that if any of the Guardians of Harmony could break through to the old Discord, Fluttershy could. But the shy, gentle Pegasus hadn’t been seen or heard from in over two years. At this rate, Luna and the others of Celestia’s inner circle feared the worst.
Well, perhaps today would be the day Discord finally gave Luna some answers. Trying to hold onto that slim, flickering hope, Luna rose to her hooves, bade the other princess goodbye, and went to visit the chaos lord who’d once been her friend and teacher.
.
Discord was drawing again. Luna had made sure to keep as silent as possible when drawing nigh the chaos lord's cell this time, and Discord was distracted enough by his task that he didn't seem to notice Luna's stealthy approach through the shadows of the corridor. The princess took a moment to observe Discord from the safety of those shadows.
Every move he made was fraught with an electric, frenetic energy. His tawny eyes burned as they darted over the paper. His face-fur bristled, and a bright crimson drop stood out against Discord's mouth again, drawn by that single extra-long fang. The claw holding the charcoal sketching stick practically flew across the page as if on demonic wings. Discord's breath came in half-choked little gasps.
He was so different now. No sly amusement, no tricks, no teasing. None of it. He was as somber as Twilight Sparkle at her studies, but as vicious as Chrysalis herself. Why? Even during his first betrayal centuries ago and during that battle with the Guardians of Harmony when he’d first broken free of his stone prison, he’d kept that sly, half-cruel amusement. Where was it now?
Suddenly, as before, Discord stopped. He stared at the drawing as if searching for something, some miniscule detail on which hung the very fate of the cosmos. Wrinkles formed between his thin, white brows as they knitted together. His lips moved soundlessly. It took Luna a long moment to realize he was mouthing the word "no" over and over again; that and another word she couldn't quite make out.
A look of helpless confusion flitted across the draconequus’s wan face, followed swiftly by anger edged with what might have been despair. Discord dropped his face into his claws. He crushed the charcoal stick; it broke in half with a muffled snap. The pieces clattered to the table top and rolled slowly over the smooth surface before slipping off and falling to the floor. Discord's empty claws convulsed into a fist so tight it visibly shook. He pressed it hard against the table until Luna heard the wood creak.
At last Discord lifted his head to stare once more with broken eyes at the drawing. "Memory fades so fast," Discord breathed. "Why can’t I remember something so easy? Something so important? In Maelstrom’s name and for Pandemonium’s sake…why can’t not remember?"
Maelstrom and Pandemonium, Luna thought. Maelstrom, the pegasus god of chaotic storms, and Pandemonium, the primordial god of the draconequus. When was the last time she’d heard Discord call upon the gods? Any of the gods? And why Maelstrom? Discord was no pegasus…
He clamped his lips together. Squeezed his eyes shut. His face contorted as if in pain. With a muffled, wordless cry he snatched up the picture and crumpled it into a ball. He surged to hoof and paw—unsteadily, Luna noticed. Stalking to the sullen fire, Discord made as if to cast the drawing into the flames…but then he hesitated. With trembling claws he unfolded the crumpled drawing; gazed down at it with a blank face, though his eyes were alive, alight with something like desperation.
Discord took a deep breath, then let it out slowly, with a shudder. He shook his head. "No," Discord said softly. "No. It isn't right. It won’t…work." With those opaque words, the chaos lord balled the paper up again, but he moved as if it were the hardest thing he had ever done. And instead of hurling the paper into the flames, he held out his claws, palm up, and let the drawing slip from his grasp to land in the fire.
While the paper crackled and burned, Discord leaned his forearm against the fireplace mantel. Swallowed audibly. Then he leaned his forehead against his arm. His shoulders slumped. He raised a fist and thumped it once against the marble mantel.
Luna could bear it no longer. As before, the princess stepped into the light. "Discord."
He didn't turn around, which Luna had half-expected, half-dreaded. She hadn't expected Discord to mutter, "Why are you back here, Luna? What do you want?"
"Are you…all right?" She couldn't forget the haunted—and haunting—look on his face.
But to her incredulous irritation, Discord turned to her with that smirk twisting his features. He laughed openly at Luna. "Am I all right? Luna, I'm in prison. No offense, of course, Your Nightliness, but that's a really stupid question."
Fury washed through the princess. "Forgive my foolishness. Of course civilities are wasted on common criminals."
That smirk carved deeper across Discord's face. The once-anguished eyes twinkled with mocking amusement. Had Luna only imagined the sorrow in Discord's face before he'd burned the drawing? Surely not…but there was no trace of any deep emotion now as he chuckled and replied, "Your wit hasn't improved while I've been imprisoned, Luna. Is that why you've come today? Trying to sharpen that rapier wit?"
In that moment Luna came to a decision. She'd avoided confronting Discord flat out about the drawings themselves, instead asking about the things he'd said the last time they'd spoken. She hadn't wished to see that look of vicious pain on his face again. But she would not stand here and be mocked for her trouble, either. If Discord wished to contest with her, Luna would strike at his heart.
"Were you not satisfied with this latest drawing, Discord?" Luna asked casually, striding toward the ensorcelled bars that separated her from his foster brother. "Did it not please you?"
The effect on Discord was immediate: what little color that had come back into his face while verbally sparring with Luna drained away, his eyes snapped wide, tension gripped his entire body, and his lips parted slightly as if he'd been stunned. Then he seemed to recover himself. Gritting his fangs, he glared at Luna. His gaze was like a topaz knife.
"That’s none of your business."
"Oh?" Luna shrugged. "It was a simple question, Discord." When he said nothing, Luna narrowed her eyes. "I'll get answers out of you eventually. You cannot put me off forever."
Discord scoffed. "Oh, can't I? Don't you have better things to do? Primping in front of the mirror for your little Night Guard, for example? Surely you want to look your best for him. Perhaps you should go and polish the spike on your war helmet."
"Leave Duskspear out of this," Luna snapped, a sudden surge of protective rage boiling in her chest. Duskspear, the Captain of the Night Guard, the pishacha pony who’d come all the way from Vineighhas to join the royal guard. Duskspear, who’d spent countless months carefully courting the Princess of the Night. "You berate me for involving others in a conflict between us, then attempt to use him against me—"
"Hypocrite," Discord snarled softly. "So you're allowed to attempt to use my weaknesses against me, eh, Your Nightliness? But when I hit back with the same tactic, you throw a little royal tantrum?"
Through gritted teeth, the midnight-maned princess said, "There is a vast difference between asking you a difficult question and threatening a stallion I care for. You will not harm Duskspear, Discord. So much as attempt it, and old friend or no, helpless prisoner or no, I will kill you. Do you understand?"
Eyes like sunlight through amber glass flickered. "A difference? No, there really isn't. Not in the end," Discord murmured, and once again Luna had the impression of trying to catch something precious but elusive in her grasp. Then Discord shook off whatever melancholy had softened his demeanor and smirked at Luna. "Besides, I never threatened him. I may have mentioned a time or two that I might pay him a visit one day, but that was merely to get you to do what I wanted. Even you should’ve been able to see that. And I wasn't threatening him just now, either. Just proving a point. I can put you off for eternity if I need to. You might as well give up whatever futile quest you've come here on and leave me in relative peace."
"It was a simple question, Discord. Were you displeased with the drawing? Forgetting a detail, perhaps?" As Luna spoke, Discord's lips pressed tighter and tighter together. The cocky smirk had vanished like a ghost. "Something you can't remember interfering?"
Voice hoarse and strained, the draconequus hissed, "You were listening. Spying on me!"
Luna's shrug was completely unapologetic. "My only recourse," she said, "when you refuse to tell me what I wish to know."
Discord's face went blank. In a carefully neutral tone, he said, "Very well. I wasn’t satisfied with the drawing. It’s difficult to draw something so detailed from memory, even for someone with my skills. Even I make mistakes, hard as it is to fathom. Satisfied?" The last word was spat as if it were poison.
"What were you drawing?"
Discord's expression hardened. "Getting a bit greedy, aren't we?" Luna merely shrugged…and waited. She kept her eyes trained on Discord as he glared at her with that same icy hatred Luna had seen before, the loathing that frosted Luna's blood and squeezed her heart like King Sombra's own bitter-cold grip. Finally Discord said, "There is nothing in all of Equus itself that you could offer that would compel me to tell you."
After a carefully measured pause, Luna asked, "What about your freedom?"
He laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. Only bitterness like wormwood. "My freedom is not in your power to give. Nor," he added sharply, "is it within the purview of the Princess of the Sun. Not my real freedom. No one can give me that." His voice dropped low, almost musing. "The fetters that bind me are stronger than any Celestia could make."
"Why do you always throw your drawings into the fire?" Luna asked. She wanted to demand Discord explain himself, explain his words of fetters and guilt and innocent blood. Explain why nothing was worth his giving Luna the information she wanted. Instead she focused on the subject that seemed to draw Discord out of himself the most. "Why not keep them? Surely you do not despise your failures so much that they must be destroyed. I remember your skill with pencil and brush from when I was a foal. Even with small mistakes, the work would be well-done."
A sneer twisted Discord's face. "Because I know you want to see them, so I make sure you cannot. I delight in vexing you, little moon."
Luna scoffed. "You're acting like a foal."
"Do not speak to me of foals!" Discord roared suddenly. The fury blazing like golden fire in his gaze, the hatred searing in his voice, nearly made Luna step back. Taking a shaking step toward the mare, Discord shouted, "How dare you? How dare you?"
"If you don't want me to call you a foal," she replied scathingly, using acid to mask her sudden unease, "don't act like one." Why, Luna wondered, had the juvenile insult enraged Discord so much? Here was another of those mercurial shifts in temper Discord had begun to display. What about the comment had enraged him this time? Was it simply that he was so proud, looked down on Luna so much, that he took grave insult if Luna said anything negative about him? It made no sense…
And Discord didn't reply to Luna's latest retort, either; only spun with a meaty thwack of his thick, scaly tail to glare at the fire as it slowly began to die. Silence stretched taut and heavy between the brothers. Finally Luna sighed.
"Discord, old friend…I do not wish to fight with you. Why must you make this a battle?"
It took a few moments for Discord to respond. When he did, Luna was surprised by his words. "Do you know what it’s like to fight every moment of every day of your life? To see battles looming when others tell you there's nothing there, that you’re just imagining things? And then you have to fight them, knowing that nothing you do will ever just make it end?" Discord shook his head, never taking his eyes from the flames. "When you live on a battlefield, you don’t willingly remove even a single piece of your armor. You should know that, Luna."
Luna took another step toward the bars. She could feel the magic of it as soft prickles along her skin that made her cobalt hairs stand up, as a dull ache in her teeth. Ignoring it, she took yet another step. Took a breath.
"I have never harmed you, Discord, save when you attacked first. Why do you think I seek to hurt you?"
"You've already dealt the fatal blow, Luna. You and Celestia and Mi Amore Cadenza and Twilight Sparkle. Ever since you defeated me during the Second Changeling Invasion, I’ve been bleeding to death from it. Why waste time with a funeral?” Discord added bitterly. “What do you think Celestia will do when I die of this wound, hmmm? Throw my corpse to the pigs?"
Bile rose in Luna's throat; she swallowed it back. In a carefully neutral voice, she said, "If you died, Discord, Celestia would surely mourn. She was inconsolable for months after we were forced to encase you in stone. She wept for weeks. When you vanished, it broke her heart. And if you were wounded, the healers would tend you faithfully…if you allowed it."
Discord's laugh was almost poisonous as it rattled in his chest. "Tend me? This isn’t a wound that can be tended, little moon. You’ve carved out my heart the way the deaths on my conscience have carved into my bones. As a heartless monster I now stand before the Night Princess of Equestria, vainly trying to remember what it was to possess a heart capable of breaking. You have killed me as surely as Chrysalis killed so many of your little ponies. But I forgive you for that."
Noting his emphasis, Luna asked, "If you forgive any injury I've done you, then what is it you despise me for, Discord? Whatever wrong I have done you, I am sorry. But it was not wrong of me to stop you from conquering Equestria with that monster."
"Well, whatever helps you sleep at night, Princess," Discord snarled. "Are you blind? You come here and ask your questions, and in the same breath deny the answers. Why should I tell you anything?"
"You cannot blame me for the deaths of the innocent ponies who were killed in the invasion," Luna snapped, losing patience. "Nor can you blame me for the guilt you supposedly feel over their blood."
He turned to sneer over his shoulder. "Right on the first point, but not the second. I don't blame you for their deaths…but you are the reason their deaths were in vain. If you and your pathetic Guardians of Harmony hadn't attempted to thwart me—"
"You blame me because the invasion failed?" Luna demanded, incredulously.
"Yes."
"And because it failed, those who died, died in vain?"
"Yes," Discord hissed.
"And your guilt stems from that and that alone?" Luna asked. When Discord hesitated, Luna's heart gave an odd lurch in her chest. A knot of confusion, anger, and concern twisted sharply in the pit of her belly. Luna shook her head in bewilderment. "Discord…what is it, exactly, that you condemn me for?"
Xanthous fire smoldered in his eyes. "Their deaths."
Luna remembered that Discord always chose his words with care, even when in a fury. Their deaths. He had already said he didn't blame Luna for the deaths of the ponies in Ponyville and Canterlot, just the futility of them. So…
"Who, Discord?" Luna asked softly. "Whose deaths?"
As if emerging from a dream, Discord blinked. Shook his head. "No. No, you're not going to get that out of me. You don't deserve to hear their names."
Stunned, Luna gazed at him with wide eyes. Didn't deserve…? Someone Discord actually cared for? For a moment, Luna wondered if Discord meant a love. But no, he'd said their names. But then, who could he mean? Luna shook her head. "How can I answer your accusation if you do not tell me their names?"
"Their names would mean nothing to you. Don’t try and argue, Luna; I know where the blame for their deaths lies. Yes, with me, and I’ll carry that guilt for the rest of eternity and even when I’m a moldering corpse rotting in the ground. It lies with that monstrous bitch, Chrysalis, and her lieutenant. But most of all, it lies with you, Luna of Canterlot, and damn your soul to the bowels of Tartarus!" Ashen, eyes glistening like wet amber-orange jewels with what might have been the gloss of savagely enraged tears, Discord cried, "If not for you, if not for Twilight and Cadence and Celestia and you, they would still be alive! Damn you!"
Then it seemed as if all the life drained from Discord's body. He fell to his knees on the floor, then sank down until only the wall kept him upright. He dropped his head against the cool stone. Closed his eyes. His breath came in great, heaving, shuddering gasps. His claws knotted into fists so tight the knuckles burned white against the flesh. Luna watched Discord unclench his claws digit by digit; he ran them over his face and sighed.
At last Discord merely sat there, his claws clasped atop his head, elbows bracketing his face, eyes tightly closed. He did not move an inch. Did not make a sound. He only sat like that, and Luna could almost see the walls of ice that had so recently come down building up around him again.
Moved by instinct, Luna said softly, "Discord…I don't understand. Please, explain it to me."
Discord simply sighed. "Why should I bother? You won't listen."
"I will."
"You won't believe."
"I…" Luna hesitated, then pressed on. "I will try." When he said nothing, Luna added, "Discord, we used to trust each other. We used to protect each other. When did that change? It has not changed for me. You're my friend. I called you ‘brother’ once."
A small laugh. "An obvious case of adoption."
Luna scowled. "Do I look as if I give a damn?" To her surprise, Discord chuckled. "Discord, if I have earned your enmity, I deserve to at least to know why. Tell me!"
Discord sighed again, then opened his eyes, which seemed oddly discolored by the light; almost scarlet. Dropping his arms to rest on his updrawn knees, he stared at the floor. His brow furrowed in thought. Was he considering Luna's offer? The princess didn't wish to get her hopes up…but then Discord looked up at her. It felt as if someone had jabbed a needle of ice straight into Luna's heart. Slowly, Discord nodded.
"Yes…I suppose you deserve at least that. But it's late, little moon. So I will give you one reason, and you may come to collect the rest on the morrow." Discord closed his eyes again. "I suppose the guards have told you that I do not simply draw, but that I also write?"
Nonplussed by the abrupt change in topic, Luna nodded. "They did."
"Did they tell you what I was writing?"
"They claimed not to know."
A ghost of a smile curled Discord's mouth. "I would imagine so. I'm careful enough. But I shall tell you, since you wish to know what sins have condemned you. I write letters, Luna. Letters to the dead. And I burn them because I was told once that if one wished to send a message to someone who has passed, the best way is to burn it, and the wind in the chimney will take the pieces up into the heavens." Discord's voice was soft, musing, with a weight of sadness that seemed to drag at the alicorn like iron shackles. "I don’t know if it actually works. I hope so."
Luna swallowed, afraid of breaking the spell that seemed to have fallen over him, but at last she spoke softly. "I think, if the gods are merciful, such tactics work well enough. But what has that to do with me?"
"Do you know who I'm writing to?"
"The dead," Luna replied, frowning. "You've said that."
Discord shook his head slowly. "Such a thick skull. It's a wonder you've lived this long. Which dead, Luna? All the dead? A handful? One in particular?" The princess could only shake her head helplessly. A faint crease formed between Discord's brows. "I write to the ones whose deaths I lay at your hooves. They are the ones I draw. But I said I would give you but one reason today, and so I shall. I will give you a name. And you can think on that name, turn it over in your mind, feel it settle around your heart as the guilt seeps into your soul."
There was a long silence. Luna could count her heartbeats, loud as war-drums in her ears. She watched as Discord's forehead wrinkled as if with some great strain. His eyes, closed and relaxed until now, squeezed tight. His fists were so tight, Luna's hooves ached in sympathy. There would be bloody crescents in his palms later.
Finally Discord opened his eyes. To Luna's utter shock, his eyes were damp with tears. A single teardrop spilled from the corner of Discord's eye and rolled down his cheek to drip off the end of his chin. He seemed paler than ever. Pale as death. His voice, husky with emotion, trembled.
"I called her Rosedust. Now leave me in peace."
TBC