//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: Presenting, Spoiled Milk // Story: Spoiled Milk Returns // by deadpansnarker //------------------------------// "Tee hee! That kinda tickles! What ya'll tryin' to do to me, luvvies?" Spoiled Rich, now apparently wanting to be referred to by the far less austere title of Spoiled Milk, chuckled happily while being examined by the slightly flustered school nurse. "I tell ya'll, I'm feelin' as healthy as a horse... even tho I be a pony. Geddit?! Dairy Cream taught me that one. Pretty funny, don't ya think?" Ignoring her patient's somewhat lamentable attempt at humour, Red Cross continued to perform her various duties of care, including check Spoiled's general condition and ask various probing questions. "So, you say your name is 'Spoiled Milk'? That you don't live in Ponyville, but in Fillydelphia with your parents, where you help out at the local farm? And you've never seen any of the ponies in this room before... not even the pink filly with the striped mane wearing the tiara?" Spoiled afforded the surrounding ponies in the clinic another cursory glance, before turning with certainty back to the inquisitive nurse. "Nope, never seen any one of 'em in me entire days. Tho aye must say, aye kinda likes the cutie mark of little yella over there. Reminds me of some of me best friends, so it does. A heart-shaped apple... so cute! Aye could just eat you up where you stand, dearie!" As Spoiled affectionately lunged for an understandably rattled Apple Bloom, Red Cross took a quick moment to whisper in the ear of an eagerly listening Cheerilee. "It's worse than I thought, I'm afraid. She really does think she's this other pony: lock, stock and barrel. I don't want to meddle in her case much further, as this is a bit beyond my level of expertise. The best thing I can recommend is that you take her to some familiar locations, which might help jog her memory about who she really is. Failing that, I can always get some specialists down here from Manehattan, or..." "...Or we can just hit her over the head again!" An eavesdropping Scootaloo remarked seriously, as she watched a trembling Apple Bloom almost get penned into a corner by a very touchy-feely Spoiled. "I never thought I'd meet somepony more terrifying than the old Spoiled, boy was I wrong. Seeing as it was my helmet that made her this way in the first place, I'll volunteer to do it myself. Now, do you have any hammers in here? A mallet might work as well..." "Scootaloo!" The nurse and the teacher exclaimed in unison, almost blowing away the unsuspecting orange filly in the resulting gale. "Okay, okay... so maybe 'banging her on the bonce' isn't the right way to go..." Scootaloo had decided she liked that phrase, despite his utter loathing for the mare that had just used it, and decided to add it to her ever-growing vernacular. "But we gotta do something. Poor Apple Bloom is about to get the apple juice squeezed out of her over there, and I didn't even bring any extra glasses!" "Yeah, and I can only hold her at bay for so much longer." Sweetie Belle grit her teeth, finding out for the hard way that restraining a grown female with magic was a bit trickier than simply levitating a broom around Twilight's old library. "Oh, my aching horn! It wasn't designed with this sort of pressure in mind. Spoiled must really like her posh food." "Mrs Ric... I mean, 'Milk!' Return to this bed immediately!" As Red Cross went to try and 'persuade' Spoiled to stop d'awwing poor Apple Bloom to a very cuddly early demise, Diamond Tiara could only stare in wonderment at the unfolding chaos all around her. Who'd have thought just this morning, that her pompous, polished mother would start rabbiting on like a drunken hillbilly later, before making friendly overtures to the daughter of her most hated family? Except, this wasn't really her mother, right? This was Spoiled Milk who'd stolen her body, some kind of common farm labourer who seemed as far removed from her pretentious, proud mother as seemed possible. But what part of her mother's sub-conscious had this new identity come from, to be revived in such spectacular fashion after the incident outside? Diamond was no fool, she knew her mother's maiden name before she and her father formed their somewhat tempestuous union. But the pink filly realised at that moment she knew absolutely nothing about Spoiled's past history, nor had she cared to ask. C-Could this be... w-who she was... b-before... "No, of course not!" Diamond dismissed the possibility almost as soon as it entered her head, even allowing herself a little giggle at her own silliness. Obviously this strange new persona taken on by her mother was never part of her... the two disparate personalities were like night and day, rain and shine, chocolate or vanilla ice cream. It was just a delusion, a sickness in her head caused by the accident that would be cleared up in no time at all. And by Celestia, wasn't Spoiled going to be steaming when she discovered how she'd acted in front of everypony before her recovery. Her face would be a picture, though not one you'd want to hang in any gallery anywhere round the world. Maybe a House of Horrors, if the patrons were made of stern stuff indeed. Cheerilee certainly seemed to be agitated by the goings-on too, as Red Cross was finally able to guide 'Spoiled Milk' back to the relative safety of the bed and Apple Bloom was at last able to breathe a sigh of relief. "W-What's Filthy going to say... this happened on my watch, so it's automatically my fault..." the fretting teacher muttered to herself, almost wearing a rut into the floor in the midst of her anxiety. "H-He'll have me fired, that's what he'll do. B-But that's as nothing compared to what she'll do once she's her old self again. E-Even though she has all the money in the world, she'll sue me for everything I've got, just to see me suffer. Oh, what to do, what to do...?" Cheerilee's non-stop pacing finally grind to a halt when she felt a little hoof on her fetlock, and she looked down to see a worried Diamond staring back at her with genuine concern. "A-Are you alright, Miss? You're talking to yourself a lot, and sweat is starting to pour down your nose." Cheerilee smiled down with gratitude at the compassionate filly, reflecting on the fact that after Diamond's sudden change of heart recently, Spoiled's odd mood swing was only the second most surprising transformation in the Rich family. "I'll be fine, dear..." Cheerilee said appreciatively, while ruffling Diamond's mane with her hoof. "If anything, I should be the one comforting you regarding the situation with your mother. So much for me doing my job. Maybe I deserve to be fired after all..." "No, no! Don't even think that!!" Diamond almost screeched her objection to the downbeat teacher's unexpected plans, as she looking up at her with pleading eyes. "You're the best teacher we ever could possibly have! Who else would've tolerated my awful behaviour for so long, without packing up and leaving town forever? I think everypony in town will agree, that none of this is your fault at all. And I'll be telling my father that exact same thing when he asks me about it later on." Having now heard most of her exchange with Diamond, the Crusaders were now giving Cheerilee the same begging expression not to blame herself for what happened, and subtly communicating their wish that she remain in her current role through widened, glistening puppy-dog eyes. Faced with such an unprecedented level of manipulation, Cheerilee quickly realised anymore resistance was futile, and subsequently uttered words to that effect. "Okay, okay... I promise that I won't be going anywhere." Cheerilee declared in abject surrender, while grinning broadly at the wildly celebrating fillies around her. "However, make no mistake, whatever happens next, there is going to be an investigation, there will be quite a lot of awkward questions raised, and we still have the problem with Spoiled to deal with. How is she doing now, Red Cross?" "Well, apart from the fact I don't have a clue what she's saying, and she won't leave my equipment alone..." The nurse grumbled, as she snatched her stethoscope back from the curious mare. "...She's doing absolutely great. If you excuse that whole thinking-she's-somepony-else, of course." "Hmm, okay." Cheerilee went back to pondering how to proceed, although with a bit less intensity this time. "The next step then, is probably deciding how where to go from here. Obviously, in her current state, Spoiled can't resume her old position. So she can't return to her office, and we should find somewhere safe to keep her until hometime..." "I've got it!" Apple Bloom, having seemingly recovered from the devastating trauma of almost being lovingly embraced by her least favourite member of staff, announced she'd had a brainwave. "You said somethin' about hangin' around places she knows could help to 'jog' Mrs Rich's memory, right?" "...Right?" Red Cross raised an eyebrow, wondering where this was going. "Well, maybe Mrs Rich's office is the best place for her after all!" Apple Bloom seemed quite excited by her plan, even though there were blank stares from her friends around her. "Seein' as she spends most of her time in there tryin' to get away from us 'vile brats', you'd think if she went back in there and saw all her personal belongings again, it might click some gears in her brain and send everythin' back in motion to the way it was!" "Apple Bloom, you're a genius!" Cheerilee announced emphatically, completely ignoring in her jubilation the yellow filly's less-than-average test scores. "I think, if what the nurse just said is correct, that just might actually work! Seeing everything she surrounds herself with on a daily basis must have some kind of effect on her psyche, no matter how small. So, what do you think, Red Cross? Shall we give it a go?" "I don't see the harm in trying." the nurse shrugged her hooves to indicate she was completely neutral to the idea. "But I warn you in advance not to expect miracles. The theory I told you earlier is just that... mere speculation. This kind of malady is so rare, I'd have to research the archives to find out it's actual success rate. But it's worth a shot I suppose, if it actually works, then we'd be saving ourself a lot of time with therapy and treatment bills in the future. Lead the way then, I'll supervise Mrs Rich behind you to make sure she doesn't try and run off again." So, as Cheerilee stepped forward with resolve to try and solve the most pressing issue that day with the only end consequence hopefully being a nasty bump on Spoiled's head, and Red Cross attempted to calm Spoiled down as she repeatedly insisted that her surname was 'Milk', not 'Rich' and she most definitely was not a 'Mrs', Diamond Tiara turned to the Crusaders to ask them: "So, are you coming?" ...To which the three fillies looked at each other in surprise, almost as if they'd just been asked to give up helping others discover their destinies. "Are you kidding?! This is the most exciting thing to happen around here all year!" Scootaloo seemed to speak for all of them, as she and Sweetie Belle raced off into the distance together, with only Apple Bloom stopping briefly to gesture the pink filly onward. "I... see." Diamond was slightly annoyed at her own mother suddenly being treated like a sideshow attraction, but nevertheless ventured forward, to see the inside of Spoiled's office for the first time and hopefully put an end to this ongoing nonsense once and for all. ............................................................. "Wow it's kind of creepy in there..." Sweetie Belle stated anxiously, as Cheerilee swung the door open for all of the visiting party. "Ha! Says the filly who still needs to use a nightlight at the age of ten!" Scootaloo scoffed with derision, conveniently neglecting to mention the fact she did the same thing when spending the night at Dash's place. "Will you two be quiet, I wanna see what happens next!" Apple Bloom hushed both of her loudmouth friends, as they parted as one so Red Cross could enter with Spoiled, and Cheerilee with Diamond followed closely behind. "Now, e-er, Miss Milk..." the nurse flustered, trying her utmost to stop her patient from embarking on another of her incoherent tirades. "I want you to look around this room for me. Do you spot anything familiar in here? Is anything coming back to you at all? If it is, please tell me now, because it's very important we know." "Aye don't see what this has got to do with anythin'..." Spoiled frowned belligerently, as she regarded the fine mahogany shelves and all the expensive ornaments on there with complete indifference. "All this fancy-schmancy stuff isn't me cup'o char at all, an' I'll be sacked from me job at the farm if you keep delayin' me passage. 'Ow am aye supposed to support my parents then?! We'll end up in the poorhouse, so we will! Aye do like this here chair tho... whee! Look at me go!" It was as Spoiled was spinning around in her seat with all the foalish enthusiasm of a filly being pushed on a swing, that Cheerilee saw them. As she went to look away in disgust, all thoughts of this matter reaching a quick and easy resolution rapidly disappearing, she spotted three open folders on the table bearing a trio of names she knew so well: Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. "What the... what's she doing with..." the befuddled teacher went to pick up the paperwork to study it with earnest, a look of initial incredulity quickly turning to anger as she perused each individual file carefully. "Mrs Rich! What is going on here?!" Diamond and her friends gasped at Miss Cheerilee's totally out-of-character behaviour, as she forcibly stopped Spoiled's revolving chair with a single strong hoof. "Scootaloo having no road safety skills? Sweetie Belle's singing causing all the windows to shatter? Apple Bloom leaving mouldy fruit on my desk every single morning?! You know they didn't do any of these things! Why have you written these false accounts, and even deigned to sign two of them yourself? This isn't the first time I've seen you gaze daggers at them over the schoolyard, either. You treat almost every youngster at this school with contempt, but you seem to reserve a special hatred for these three in particular. I want to know only one thing: why? What personal vendetta possibly could've pushed you so far that you'd be willing to stoop to this level! Come on, tell me this instant! I think we all deserve some answers, if you please." Just yesterday, this might have been a very interesting conversation. Spoiled Rich, finally caught in the act of outright villainy, stammering and stuttering away as three apoplectic Crusaders and a mad teacher went in for the kill. Bang to rights as she was, she'd probably have no choice to resign in shame regardless of her 'connections', and they could at long last brought somepony accomplished in for the job, with proper qualifications and a drop of empathy for the children and faculty there. As the encounter actually unfolded though, it was like talking to a totally different mare. Spoiled Milk had absolutely no idea what Cheerilee was on about, and laughed out loud before spinning around in her chair once more, enjoying herself immensely. "Aye keep tryin' to tell ya'll, but you don't be listenin'..." she said happily, going so fast she barely registered as a blur. "Ya'll got the wrong pony! Aye didn't do any of that stuff, aye don't know who any of ya'll are, and I don't even ever wanna be hitched! Aye be a career girl, that's who aye am. Aye got me eye on Mr McGruber's job, I'll be taking over from him after he goes and retires to the knacker's yard. 'Til then, I'm gonna be working my tail off with the cows, so aye am. Now, just a few more minutes on this 'ere contraption, then it's off to the farm for me. Can one of ya'll be giving me a push, please? I'm startin' to feel as shaken up as a milkshake, tee-hee! Whee..."