It's a peaceful day in Equestria, Autumn just starting to creep up on us with the leaves all a beautiful kaleidoscope of shades of amber. Honestly it’s my favorite time of year, where the air smells like cinnamon, and has just that right touch of cool to the air that lets you know it’s time to start wearing a coat.
At least if you’re not a pony anyways. Not much work to do around Sweet Apple Acres since the leaves haven’t started to fall yet. So I’m by a small creek up in the higher elevations of the farm, looking for anything interesting in the water to add to a rock collection.
Maud would be proud I think, or at least mildly approving… Hard to tell, that pony has the same range of facial features as Darth Vader.
“...WHAT THE FUCK?!?!” A male voice shouts in the distance.
Who, or what in Equestria…?
Not a clue… Let’s go find out.
Standing I head off in the direction of the shout in a brisk jog. “Maybe it’s the beavers? Applejack said they flood some of the trails around here when they block up the streams…”
A white human male a little less than six feet tall dashes, looking around. His medium length brown hair whips as he looks around wildly. “THE FUCK AM I IN THE COUNTRY?! WHERE’S MY HOUSE?! MY SHIT?!” He wears a white V-neck and blue polyester shorts, obviously an inside person. He doesn’t even have shoes or socks on. He adjusts his glasses and pauses, spotting me.
I blink at him, and clear my throat. “Um… Gonna take a shot in the dark, but You just got here, didn’t you?”
“The fuck is here?! And who are you?!” He takes a defensive fighting stance, very clearly panicking.
I sigh, and fold my hands behind my head. Best to break this to him slowly, see how quick he catches on. “Well you’re not in any danger. My name’s Harley, and this is Sweet Apple Acres.”I glance at his bare feet, and then back up at his face with a friendly smile.
He looks down and shakes his feet. “I don’t suppose you know why I’m here? No way in hell my family would just dump me here, I’d figuratively kill them, and be salty for about a year. Feeling pretty salty now, to be honest.”
This guy talks like an internet hipster… And he didn’t recognize the name Sweet Apple Acres so he’s not a Brony… Ah hell this just got more complicated.
Best of luck… Hm, but they do say that seeing is believing. Perhaps if you take it slow then you could skip any phase of denial?
No one except a Brony would believe right off the bat that they’re in Equestria. Personally I give it a few hours… Best to let him figure it out for himself I guess, but that doesn’t mean I can’t play Spirit Animal a little.
“I’m pretty sure your family wasn’t involved this,” I reply. “Never caught your name by the way, stranger.”
“Michael-Mykee.” He quickly corrects himself. “M-Y-K-E-E. Or Mario, depends on who you ask.”
“Right… I’ll stick with Mykee,” I say, and drop my hands. “Come on, trail’s this way. I know a lady in town who could possibly hook you up with some shoes.” I turn, and start walking down a slope to where the trail follows the stream back to the farm.
He scowls and starts walking, stiffly since he now knows he’s not wearing footwear. “I don’t suppose you know if bugs are in this grass? I hate bugs…”
“As in scared?” I look back over my shoulder as I wait on the path for him to catch up. “And what size shoe are you exactly?”
“I guess you could say scared. Squeamish is more apt. And I’d say 11? Plus flat-footed, so lots of padding…” He checks his pockets, pulling out an Android phone in a green case, a charger, and a Nintendo 3DS. “...Huh, at least I have technology… not my PC, but I’m not toast…”
I visibly cringe, “...No service though… And no internet, sadly…”
“Fuuuuck… I have RP’s to respond to…” He whines.
“Yeeeeeeaaaaahhh,” I rub the back of my neck. “That won’t be happening anytime soon,sad to say… See, we’re not just out of service range… We’re farther out of range than either of us probably thought possible.” I clear my throat, and turn my eyes to the stream.
“Are we on Mobius? We’d better be on Mobius for this to be worth no internet.” He looks around with a scowl. “And since I’m not a hedgehog, that’s not it, is it?”
I blink, and tilt my head. “Huh… Three fanfiction writers getting pulled from their homeworld… And no, this isn’t Mobius, even Mobius had internet for Tails to do most his research… And probably order stuff for his work now that I think about it.”
“...Are you someone I know? I’m Jolt. Or Tloj.” He raises an eyebrow.
My jaw drops, and I slowly raise a finger to point at my neck. “...Wolfe… HTKWolfe...”
He visibly stiffens. “Shit… that explains stuff....And how long have you been here?” He looks up, starting to think.
“A few months,” I gulp.
Another of your writing friends? Interesting…
Yeah, and he's one of the better ones… Mostly Sonic Fanfiction really.
Clearing my throat I take a breath before saying. “Jolt… Mykee… Um, since we’re pretty good friends I’ll stop beating around the bush… But you probably won’t like it…”
“Well, seeing as how you’re not dead, a zombie, in a training gi, or have a kick-ass weapon, we aren’t in an apocalypse, Dragon Ball Z, RWBY, or Transformers. ...Which are all the communities I know any sort of thing about… also TF2 and Overwatch, and some dank memes… Okay I give. The fuck are we?” He looks me dead in the eyes.
I sigh heavily through my nose, “...Buddy… We’re in Equestria.”
Brace for impact…
“...” He processes that for a minute...
“...Right… okay. How do I nope out of this wonderland? Is there a log out? Click my heels three times?” He raises his left wrist, looking at his beat up black watch and slapping his palm on it. “Omni Access! Logout! Quit! Crtl+Alt+Del! Alt+Tab!”
He groans and flops onto his back, covering his face. “No internet, no RP’s, no fucking ANYTHING?!?! I’m fucked! Completely and utterly fucked!!! I can’t live here! I know like… 1% of anything going on here!!! I’m gonna die!!!”
He seems to be taking it well...
Yet again, not helping.
“Mykee, calm down,” I soothe him with hands up in a calming gesture. “Remember how I was always being a bit pushy with the MLP universe? Trying to get you involved? I know this land like the back of my hand, and I’ve been here long enough that I’ve set some pretty good roots. Got my own place, a social circle of friends, money in the bank… I got you buddy.”
He sits up, still grumbling. “Maybe so, but what I normally do with my life is completely and utterly fucked. Seriously, RPing with you was the highlight of my day. What will I do instead?”
I lick my lips, and reply, “Well...There is something, but probably better discussed at my place… Oh, and there’s one other human in Equestria, ever RPed with a chick called Star Splice back on earth?”
“Of course not. I know her though, she helped you before Sister Mine, right?” He hesitantly gets to his feet.
“Yeah, her real name’s Savanna. She’s a mechanics student among other things, and she lives with me here. The house has a few spare bedrooms so you’re not hurting for living space… We can probably explain stuff better once home. Some things shouldn’t be overheard…” I look down at my ring, and smirk. “...Alright, and check this.”
I slip off my ring, and use the time shifting effect to carry him to the house I built, setting him on the couch before I put the ring back on.
He jumps, looking around before glaring at me. “Duuude! You have superspeed?! Lucky dick! I want hover skates if you have speed!”
“Kinda,” I chuckle. “Long story short I got my hands on some godly magic, but losing it almost killed me. They needed to put magic in my system to save my life so the best they could come up with is a curse that is pretty much Chaos Control whenever I take off this ring.” I hold it up for him to see. “With it on I can use magic how it’s normally used, like levitation and crap… If you still want those hover skates I might actually be able to make it happen.” I cross my arms with a smirk.
“I do, but now that I think about it, that would be a bad idea if my mind can’t keep up.” He stands and looks around. “Huh… comfy. And you said it was coed?”
“Yeah, built this place myself too,” I inform him, helping myself to a little pride. “When the town was mostly eaten by these adorable little hellspawns called Parasprites I just used this time ability to rebuild the town in about… a few hours by your terms. Best I can figure without the ring a second to you is an hour to me.”
He nods quietly and keeps looking around. “...So do I need to come with you to get shoes, or…?”
“...Or go barefoot I guess… Think you can handle walking through a town of ponies?”
“That involves going outside, doesn’t it? I think I’ll wait until a cloudy day or something. The sun hates me, and I don’t much like it back…” He plops back on the couch, turning on his phone, pausing, and flopping his arms onto the couch with a groan.
Lazy one, isn’t he?
Guess so, never even met the guy over Skype… I got this.
“Well then I guess you’re not getting shoes,” I say simply with a shrug. “Or new clothes. They don’t have human sized much of anything in Equestria so Rarity would need to custom-fit you. Plus I bet she’s far too busy to make a house call… if she even does them.”
He grumbles. “Five minutes. Five minutes and already you sound like my mom.” He sighs and gets up. “Fine… but I need a hat or a haircut sometime today…” He opens his 3DS and messes with it before closing it and pocketing it. “Alright, let’s go.”
I smirk, “One stop shop then! Rarity loves all that makeover stuff so I’m pretty sure she can make you look however you want.”
That’s when Cubby waltzes on up to inspect the new tenant. He sniffs him, and then meows in a low tone.
He perks. “A cat! Cats are nice!” He bends over and pets it. “Wow… you make my momma cat look skinny…”
I look over Cubby curiously. His 30 pounds are all hunter muscle with very little fat, but being such a large kitty in the first place I can see why he might think that. Cubby just gives him a bored look before backing up, and making a seven-foot leap to the back of the couch to lay on it.
“Acts just like her too.” He sticks out his tongue and turns. “I don’t suppose you can carry me again? I don’t think I’ll make it to town barefoot.”
I shrug, and slip off my ring. In warped time he’s weightless anyways. So I carry him to the boutique, and set him on his feet before slipping my ring back on.
When both of us step in….It’s interesting to say the least. Savanna is arguing with Rarity about her sketchbook and how filthy and stained it is.
"Oh my god woman you're insufferable! It's just pie!”
“Just pie?!” Rarity gives her an angry pout, “Now see here young lady! You’ve ruined what was not only a fabulous piece of art, but the only design basis I had for your outfit to the Gala! I simply refuse to send you there in less than your best, and that is why I simply cannot use these!”
She thrusts the sketchbook back at Savanna with her magic, her nose up in the air with a, “Hmph!
Savanna groans loudly and tilts back her head as she stomps her feet. “You can still see the lines! Just ignore it! Why is that hard?!?!”
“Because for all I know your messy eating habits have ruined an important detail, perhaps something crucial to putting the entire outfit together. Do you make a living designing the next fashion trend? No? Then trust me darling when I say these are simply unacceptable.”
Savanna sighs heavily and chucks the sketch book behind her carelessly…..And ends up hitting me in the face with it in the process. “Fine. Whatever princess.” she sasses.
“Fucking-?!” I clutch my face, letting her notebook fall to the ground.
Savanna Spins with a gasp and runs up to me. “I'm sorry!”
“...Is this the part where I ask how to get some shoes?” Mykee pretends to not see the current events unfolding.
The Ivory unicorn blinks at us, and then offers a wide smile as she trots over. “Ah Harley! Lovely to see you again Dear! And… A new friend?”
“Yeah,” I reply as I rub my nose tenderly. “Think you can work your magic Rarity?”
“I most certainly can,” she replies, taking Mykee’s hand with her magic, and pulling him to take a seat on the little stage surrounded by three mirrors. Then she levitates on her red rimmed designer glasses as she fetches a measuring tape to start getting the body measurements she’ll need. “Let's start with the obvious one,” she says as she holds up one of his feet in her hooves, using her magic to manipulate the tape.
Savanna blinks with her jaw agape, pointing between me and Mykee with a generally puzzled expression. “Who-...How- What-?......That fuck is that?!”
“I’m a human male, a little overweight, generally useless, but I can be patient and inventive.” Mykee greets. “Also your new roommate by necessity, so pretty please don’t refer to me as a ‘that’. Thank you.”
“Both of you be nice,” I say. “Sav, he’s another of my writing pals from FF. Not sure how he got here… Which reminds me. Mykee, what were you doing before you arrived at Sweet Apple Acres?”
“Watching people kill zombies and hit themselves in the groin? Oh, and TF2. And waiting for you to respond, like you usually do. You said you were going hiking, but you still responded every once in a while…” Mykee glances back. “And then I guess I zoned out, because I woke up under a tree. Very not comfortable when compared to a couch.”
“Wow, like this guy already.” Savanna mumbles sarcastically and grumpily crosses her arms.
“Taste the rainbow, Sav,” I state simply with a flat expression, going around to examine the new outfits Rarity has on her dummies.
“Clearly, I’m doing something wrong. Hello, I’m Mykee, I’m sorry about my attitude, but I’m still salty about not being home right now.” He bends a little at the waist to bow, at least attempting to be more civil.
“Okay, fine. Sorry I called you ‘that’. I'm Savanna.” She sighs and leans on one foot.
“That’s better. Now that we’re almost not going to sass each other to death, I don’t suppose I can get an abridged version of why we’re here? Because clearly I don’t have superpowers, so we’re not burdened with glorious purpose, tasked with the weight of the world in our hands.” He raises an eyebrow.
I sigh, and fold my hands behind my back. “The abridged version… We have no idea. Savanna knows about as much about this world as you do so I'm pretty much playing fortune-teller, trying to keep events flowing as they did in the show. Because you had the right idea in the orchard buddy, Equestria can be a very dangerous place."
Rarity looks up from her work, “You haven't talked about that in a while now…”
Mykee sighs. “Well… looks like I can’t just sit around all day now that I have nothing to do by doing said sitting… what can I do to help? My basic skill set is I can play piano; I can cook a little; I can run a cash register; I can clean floors, bathrooms, tables, weapons, and pools; and I’m a first-degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. So pretty much a jack of all trades, okay at stuff but not great at any...”
I raise an eyebrow, “Well we do have a pool, and I suppose a decent cook at the house would be nice, provided you can work without meat products. And the Tae Kwon Do sounds useful, I can think of a few situations off the top of my head where we might need it later on.”
Rarity brushes her mane out of her face, and comments, “You said nothing important was happening until after the Grand Galloping Gala, correct?”
“Oh plenty of important things, just nothing super dangerous.”
“Like a dragon for instance,” she says blandly, looking up from her notes of his measurements to trot to a worktable.
“...Touché,” I mutter. “But you guys managed!”
They were nearly fried to a crisp.
I remember…
Rarity smiles, “Yes, well, the best I can manage in a quick situation like this for your tender soles Mykee would be a pair of sandals. Will that do?” She looks up from her work, and starts levitating over materials, “I can make more protective footwear later when I have a bit more time on my hooves.”
“Sandals are fine. Just make sure they have cushions on the bottom. Flat feet hurt when you walk or stand too long.” Mykee nods.
“I see. Perhaps some padded soles custom fit for a bit of lift? A little more comfort?”
“Yes please.” He smiles.
“Uh, well, if it's shoes he needs I have my old Vans, nothin fancy but hey, it's something…...Providing they fit.” Savanna says
“If you’re a men’s size 10 ½ to 14, definitely. If not… well, thanks for the offer, I appreciate it.” He rubs his neck.
“A for effort.” Sav shrugs and picks up her notebook.
He looks around. “So I assume HTK here is our boss/babysitter… what’s your role? Strongman? By now nothing surprises me as to the role of women in reality…”
“I fix things when they break. Except bones, not really my strong suit there. And I’m a patrolhead. Cars’n stuff.”
“Neato… I guess I’m the karate instructor? Do you guys need self-defense training?” Mykee sweatdrops. “Looks like you have armor and weapons already, I think Tae Kwon Do is what’s making me stick out…”
Savanna shrugs and flicks her visor/glasses down. “Well, not to brag but…...Yeah.”
Mykee sighs. “So I guess I’ll hold onto my knowledge for now…” He pauses. “Wait, why do you guys have weapons? Isn’t this the land of unicorns and pixie magic?”
“And timber wolfs, Dragons…..And uh, other things…" Sav shrugs, "I know cuz I about got ripped apart when I got here...Good times…”
He groans. “I guess I need to start getting the rust out then…”
“Coke and Aluminum foil for that.” Savanna pips and sighs. “Well, anyway, I have to redraw everything now.”
“Are you an artist? What are you drawing?” Mykee tilts his head.
“Our outfits for the Grand Galloping Gala,” I reply, taking a seat by a window. “Literally a royal ball, biggest event in all of Equestria
“Really formal sort of deal. Rarity here is a genius with a sewing machine so we’re hoping she can recreate what Sav, and I have in mind.”
Mykee wrinkles his nose. “Ick, formal attire. I don’t suppose they’re not suits?”
I pick up Sav’s pie-stained drawing of Assassin’s Creed Syndicate outfits, and show them to him with a wink while Rarity has her back turned.
He whistles. “Nifty… Can I get something lighter though? Like… I dunno, the inside shirt? Seems like it could get sweaty...”
“The Gala is held at night so you'll want the extra layers,” I reply simply. “But if you want Rarity can use a lighter color scheme. Speaking of, Rarity how much would I owe you for three Gala outfits?”
She tapes a hoof to her chin as she levitates some newly finished sandals in her magic, the soles sporting half an inch of a plush spongy material. “Hm… Well I can't say it will be cheap I'm afraid… Even without my trademark gemstone highlights I'd have to price them maybe 100 Bits each…”
“Fair enough,” I mutter, scratching the back of my head.
“White would be nice. Or a light green. I like green.” Mykee muses.
“ Great… Now another one.” Sav grumps and bangs her head on the table.
“Pardon?” Mykee blinks.
“I'm actually lost on this one too,” I say, tilting my head.
She sighs into the table and turns her head to me. “Whatever. It's a song…”
I shrug, and raise an eyebrow to Mykee, “Sav being weird again I guess.”
Rarity walks up to Mykee, and puts the sandals in his lap. “Here you are, try these on.”
He slips them on, and stands. “Ooh… very comfy! Thanks a lot!”
“You're most welcome,” she smiles, then looks to me. “Now, does 20 Bits sound like a fair price?”
I fish a leather bag of the gold coins out of my jacket, and count out 30. “Here, for always putting such fine attention to your work.”
“Thank you,” she smiles as she puts the Bits away, and gives us the receipt.
I turn to Savanna, “So, are we good to go?”
“I guess.” she sighs dramatically and swings to her feet.
“Where to now then?” Mykee asks.
“Home probably…..Right Harley?”
“I suppose,” I nod. “I got some friends I want you to meet.”
As I open the door to let ourselves out Rainbow Dash flies overhead, and I frown. I spot Twilight trotting off down the street with Spike on her back, and I blink. Then I smile, and call over my shoulder, “Scratch that… To Sweet Apple Acres we go! Trust me, you don’t want to miss this. Rarity, would you mind gathering the others, and meeting us there?”
“Not at all,” she replies. “Is it important?”
“Oh Absolutely,” I chuckle, and step out onto the mildly busy street.
“Oh boy, what is it?” Sav asks with a raised brow.
“Is it bobbing for apples?” Mykee asks hopefully.
“Last time I played that my friends about murdered each other with the apples… One chick got a black eye… And yeah…
wasn't a good day…” Savanna says with a grin, ”But hey, the 4th grade dodgeball skills came in handy.”
“Oh just move your feet,” I say quickly, and break into a run after Twilight… At least until I remember one of my companions is tiny, and the other only has three speeds. And since I doubt I can convince him to gear up to “Oh-Shit-Sprint,” I’ll probably have to settle for a casual canter…
“Glad you remembered.” Mykee comments, walking at a seemingly slow but impressively brisk pace. “Hope we can grab some apples, at least. One of my odd habits is having one before bed.”
“Great...Remind me to stab Harley when he gets back, speed racer wannabe…”
I groan, “Guys, come on! We have to get to Sweet Apple Acres before we miss it!”
“If this half-cocked plot is anything like a fanfic we write, trust me, it’ll wait until we get there.” Mykee deadpans.
“Oh fuck.” Savanna snorts a laugh.
“Ha-ha,” I frown. “But no, we have until the rest of Twilight’s friends get there, but I wanna get there with Twilight! I wanna see the looks on your faces when you find out…”
“Fine, let's go before he blows a gasket.” Savanna sighs.
Mykee grumbles. “Fine… but there had better be refreshments for making me try to run…” So he starts trying to run in sandals.
I admit, sometimes I can be impatient… Especially when short on time, or stressed, more often times than not both. So I deal with their pace for all of five minutes before i slip off my ring, and carry them to catch up with Twilight. Once we catch up with her though I allow time to resume, and we set at a more comfortable pace.
For her part, Twilight’s surprise at our arrival is justified, but well received. She blinks up at Mykee in surprise though. “Oh… Hello there.”
“Hello. I’m Mykee, I’m new here.” Mykee greets, offering a hand to shake.
“What is this? Preschool?” Savanna teases, “Sorry….First thing that popped in my head….”
Mykee just sighs amusedly. “I have two intros, for friends and for coworkers. I’m working on it.”
Twilight pauses to shake his hand. “Well, it’s nice to meet you Mykee. I wish I could talk longer, but Rainbow Dash said she, and Applejack need me at Sweet Apple Acres for something important…”
“Well fancy that, we’re on our way there now,” I say. “Mind if we tag along?”
“Of course not,” She replies with a smile, and we start walking again. It takes about fifteen minutes, but we arrive at the farm to find AJ waiting patiently. Rainbow Dash however appears to be doing some impressive stretches by pony standards.
Applejack tilts her head at Mykee, but then smiles, and tips her hat to him. “Well lookie here, a new friend? Name’s Applejack, and this here is Rainbow Dash.”
“I’m Mykee.” He nods.
“He's the noob of the group.” Savanna says and casually leans on Mykee’s shoulder.
Mykee clears his throat, not comfortable with Savanna touching him. “I’m new, but I’m sure we’re both noobs when it comes to this world.”
Twilight raises an eyebrow at Rainbow Dash, “Um… So you two are doing what now?”
Applejack replies, “An-”
“Iron Pony Competition,” Rainbow interrupts, not once breaking stride in her stretches.
Applejack gives her a look of mild annoyance from being interrupted, but then continues, “You see, we’ve set up a bunch of events to decide which of us is-”
Again Rainbow interrupts, “The most athletic pony ever!”
“Okay….So basically like a twisted game of the Olympic games?” Sav asks.
“Aw, where’s Mario and Sonic?” Mykee pouts. “And could you please get off? I’m… really socially awkward.”
“You'll live, and get use to it.” she sighs and steps away from him.
“Hopefully, but for now, we’ve just met, and this is the closest a girl has ever been to me not including family.” He shuffles awkwardly.
Sweet Celestia… The way you regard your own race Harley one would think of you as little more than barbarians dressed in animal furs. Yet from what I have seen of your kind you're far too harsh on the human race.
Opinions are like ass holes, Nightmare, everyone has one. If these two weren't somewhat exceptions to the nature of humans then I doubt I would have befriended them.
Twilight, who had been watching my friends with a smile, returns her attention to Applejack. “And what am I doing here?”
Rainbow pauses in her stretches as if to interrupt again, but comes up short. “Um… I don't know. Why is she here?”
“To be our judge, and keep score,” Applejack replies plainly.
“Oh yeah,” Rainbow smiles. “Somepony needs to record my awesomeness for the history books!”
I roll my eyes, and cross my arms, “Riiiiiiiight…”
“Wow, what a horrible thing to say to your friends.” Savanna deadpans at Rainbow.
Mykee pulls out his phone. “Well then, let’s see who wins.” He turns it to video camera mode.
We head on over to another part of the farm where a makeshift playing field has been put together. I help Applejack set up for the first event, the Barrel Weave, and then take a seat with my friends as the rest of the Mane 6 show up to watch. Spike is happily taking it upon himself to give commentary with a stick as a microphone.
Leaning over to Mykee I ask, “Bring back memories from our crossover RP? Remember, when we merged Mobius with Equestria?”
“Of course. We anthropomorphized everyone. It was awesome.” Mykee smirks. “Though I don’t think we got to the Iron Pony contest. We planned it, but then we skipped it.”
“Since I have no clue what you guys just said I'm just going to nod and yes, yes.” Savanna nods and crosses her arms.
“It devolved into smut. Maybe someday we’ll post it.” Mykee shrugs.
“Yeah, we’ll get right on that with the internet we don't have- Oh! They're starting!”
Applejack is first up, getting ready to run the barrels while Spike holds the stop-watch. “On your mark… Get set… Go!”
Applejack bolts off, running a winding path between the barrels, skirting the outsides of the track on her way to the finish line. To save time she's getting awful close to the barrels, and then gasps seconds before she clips the side of one. “Dagnabbit!”
Mykee records all of this, humming and keeping an eye on the time on his phone.
“Well, this is certainly more entertaining than barrels back home.” Savanna mutters to me.
When Applejack finishes the course Spike clicks the watch, “17 seconds!”
Applejack dashes up, “You're kidding! That beats my record from last year’s rodeo!”
Spike gives her an apologetic look, “But you get a five second penalty for nudging the barrel…”
Mykee waves his phone. “You still have a chance though, RD has to beat your record and not touch a barrel.”
Applejack kicks a pebble, “Nuts and shoes… Still, that’s 22 seconds. Not that bad actually.”
Rainbow looks a bit nervous, and takes a breath to steady herself as she takes her position at the starting line. I cup my hands around my mouth, and shout, “You can do it Rainbow!”
Mykee takes aim, and starts recording again.
Savanna leans to me,” My record with my horse is 16 seconds, that's with no pens.”
Rainbow takes off running when the signal is given, leaving her trademark streak of rainbow vapor in her wake as she weaves between the barrels. She doesn't touch a single one, and when Spike clicks the watch at her finish he announces, “18 seconds!”
I smirk, and look to Sav, “So how good is that for a pony?”
“It's good, but I was using my horse Dipper…..She's a pony, a rocky to be specific.”
“...I assume that’s cool?” Mykee goes over Rainbow Dash’s footage.
I smirk, “More like… Awesome.” I chuckle as Rainbow gives a short celebration, and look over to where Fluttershy is marking a scoreboard Pinkie had pulled from nowhere.
Mykee nods, putting his phone away. “Nothing suspicious here.”
“That's good I guess….Unless they’re using steroids….” Sav says with a shrug.
“You never know.” Mykee shrugs back.
“Every species of pony here has magic,” I inform them. “After all, wings do not make a flighty equine. Plus Rainbow Dash here has been training since she was little to join the Wonderbolts. They're very much the Blue Angels of this world, so that being said, outside the military I don't think you’ll find a better athlete.”
“Still, I assume RD is pompous and AJ’s gonna win?” Mykee guesses.
“Pompous? No,” I reply. “Self centered, eh… Yeah, and has an ego to rival Chuck Norris’. But she represents the Element of Loyalty for a reason, won’t stop her from being competitive though.”
“But will she lose?” Mykee questions.
“Spoilers~!” I chuckle, and nudge him with an elbow.
“It’s not fucking spoilers if I can see the message of the episode 500 miles away without even watching it.” He deadpans.
“That's Two for Mykee and zero for you Harley.” Savanna pipes up.
I shake my head softly, “Just remember who has home-field advantage in that score Sav- INCOMING!” I flop backwards out of the way as a certain wall-eyed grey pegasus comes in on a collision course with us from the side.
“What is-” Savanna looks to the side just as the pegasus smacks into her full force. “FUCK!”
Mykee has surprisingly quick reflexes and listening, ducking quickly and dodging.
Derpy smiles down at Sav as she lays sprawled on her. “Hi!” She then hugs her around the middle, wagging her tail.
“She sure seems to like you,” I mutter as I sit up again. “Mykee, meet Ditzy Doo, aka Derpy Hooves!”
“Hi.” Mykee greets, brushing himself off.
Savanna groans and looks down her chest at Derpy. “Hey……”
Derpy happily nuzzles her under her chin, “You give the softest hugs!”
I wonder why…
Hm? What do you mea- Hey don't start that again!
I haven't the slightest idea what you mean.
Bull, we share emotions, we can't lie to one another, remember?
“What’s up, Derpy?” Mykee continues.
Derpy looks back at him, one eye aimed slightly over his head. Then she gasps happily as she releases Sav to hug him around the hips. “Yay! A new friend! Nice to meet you mister!”
Savanna sits up and rubs her head. “Yeah, I'm fine, thanks for askin….”
“Hey Savanna, are you okay?” Mykee chuckles, patting Derpy’s head.
I shake my head in amusement as I watch them set up the next event. I forget what it’s called, but remember those carnival games with the big hammer, and you have to smash the lever with it to ring a bell high overhead? Basically that, but replace the lever with a target, and take away the hammer.
Mykee looks, and pouts. “Aw… I wanna try that…”
“Oh I feel so sad for you.” Savanna mumbles as she stands and dusts herself off.
“Take some Tylenol, you’ll be fine. Didn’t you get trampled on frequently before?” Mykee comments.
“Still doesn't make it any less painful asshat…”
“Like I said, Tylenol. Or Advil.”
“Hugs make everything better,” Derpy declares. “And muffins! I brought some too, special kind! I stirred my favorite sauce right into them before baking!”
“I will cry if those thing come near me again.” Savanna says and takes a long stride away from the pony.
“Ooh, muffins? What flavor?” Mykee peers over them curiously.
“Rainbow,” she says with a smile, and holds up the colorful pastry to him. I slip off my ring, and run to Applejack’s house, getting a large pitcher, and filling it with water from a clean stream before coming back. I make sure to hide it though.
And they say I’m evil…
Mykee picks one up dubiously, sniffing it.
Suddenly savanna slams it out of his hand and stomps on it, “Don't do it hoe, I just saved you vocal cords.”
He blinks. “What, it’s spicy? It’s a rainbow muffin.”
Derpy stares at the mutilated muffin… Then her ears droop as she starts to whine with tears in her eyes. “But… Everypony likes m-muffins… Eeehhhhhh…”
Mykee grabs another muffin, and sniffs it again. “You sure it’s bad…? It smells pretty good…” He takes a bite and chews.
“Fine! Don't say I didn't warn you.” Savanna gives him a bitch face and crosses her arms.
He chews and swallows, studying it. “...There’s a kick in there, but it’s not…” Then it hits him, and his face goes beet red.
Ooooooohhhhhh here we go!!!
He coughs hard, gagging and looking for water. Mercifully I pull the pitcher out of its hiding place, and offer it to him with my best trolling face.
He snatches it before I can snatch it back, downing about a plastic bottle’s worth before placing the muffin back on the tray. “That’s… uh… good.” He notices his deeper voice and rubs his throat, drinking more water.
“I'd tell you I told you so but that'd make me an asshole…...Ah whatever. I told you so!” Savanna says as she sticks out her tongue.
He simply points at her and states in an impressively perfect Shadow the Hedgehog voice, “Silence, I am now the Ultimate Lifeform.”
That does it, I fall on my back laughing my head off, and holding my gut. “Hhoooooooooooooo-FUCK! Chipmunks got nothing on this!”
Savana rolls her eyes,”You're not the only one who’s good at voice impressions. Harley! Give me one! Preferably one from a familiar fandom.”
I sigh as I lay flat on the ground. “...Fine… How about… Rouge?”
“ 06 Rouge or Sonic Adventure Rouge? Cuz I can rock both.”
I wave a hand, “Whichever… Oh, wait, another time. They’re up for this event!” I sit up, and put my hands on my knees.
Mykee starts humming Phantom of the Opera songs as he turns to watch. Savanna also turns to watch and sits by me. “So what's next?”
Rainbow is first up to bat, or kick as it were. She raises one hind leg, and kicks the target, solidly ringing the bell. I look around at the resulting cheers,noting that more than Derpy has arrived. I already see Lyra, Lemon Hearts, Berry Punch, and a few other random ponies finding seats to watch the competition.
“Holy cheese and crackers batman! Remind me not to tick her off.” Savanna says and rolls forward to lay in the grass with her chin in her hands.
I chuckle, and say nothing as Applejack takes her turn… Shattering the target into several large chunks, and hitting the bell so hard it along with the top half of a foot of wood it was connected to is sent flying far into the apple orchard.
“Huh… and yet you made her seem weak when compared to Knuckles…” Shadow- I mean Mykee, comments.
“Well to be fair AJ doesn't flaunt them farm girl muscles much,” I reply. “She makes it easy to forget… Plus Knuckles shatters stone with his fists, I've only seen one pony who can do that, and she won't be here for at least three seasons.”
“She’s his baby momma in that fic though… Also, how many seasons are there, and what season are we in?” He frowns.
I offer an awkward smile, “Eh… Five when I was brought here. I don't know if they continued the show after that though…”
“And let me guess, we’re still in season one?” He groans.
“Bingo,” I confirm. “I have the whole show up to the season 5 finale on my phone though, and there's a popular theory that the first four seasons takes place over the course of one year.”
“So at least two years of my life in here, and I can’t even get college credits from it…” Mykee sighs.
“...Do you complain about having to breathe too? Seriously bud, I can think of at least twenty people by name who would give anything to be in our position,” I mutter. “And possibly thousand more that’d kill for the chance.”
“And you know me well enough to say if I was my brother, I would have committed suicide the moment you said this was Equestria.” He states. “I am not a pony fan, I am here because one: I can’t leave, and two: you’re my friend.”
The comment makes me smile, then a thought strikes me, “...Didn't your brother just hate ponies in general? As in ones that weren't MLP too?”
“Oh, we avoid most animals in general, but he despises MLP because both you and our hi-tech buddy are Bronies. So you know, he hates MLP out of defiance.” He shrugs.
Savanna pauses, and ever so slowly turns her head to Mykee. “....You hate animals?” her eyes slowly narrow.
“I have four cats and a dog, so obviously not. I’m just afraid of being scratched, bitten, and otherwise injured because I’m squeamish.” He raises an eyebrow.
“ Then that should give you a pretty damn good reason to be afraid of me then.” she huffs and gives him one last glare before turning her attention back to the competition.
“Har har. My brother did that all the time when he was younger, you do not want to know what I did to retaliate.” Mykee states. “I’m not an outdoorsy person, I’m sorry.”
“Well I’m not your brother.” she replies flatly.
“Maybe not. But I’ll let you know now, I don’t care who or what attacks me, I’ll defend myself.” He crosses his arms.
“Congrats, you have the mindset of every other living thing.” She sasses and also crosses her arms.
“If you’re gonna sass me for everything I say, could you at least space out the hate?” Mykee sips his water.
“Can I? Probably l. Will I? Probably not.”
“I’m not trying to make you hate me, you’re the one antagonizing me…” He sighs softly.
I roll my eyes, “Whatever guys. Looks like they're moving on to the Bronco Buck!” I stand as most the ponies start headed for a small fenced-in space of maybe 8x8 square feet.
Mykee downs more water, watching. “So….that like a version of bull riding or something?” Savanna asks.
As it turns out, it is. Namely Twilight’s assistant Spike the baby dragon trying not to get thrown off of the competitors. Spike whines, “Why meee…?”
Twilight seems oblivious to his distress, and gives the signal for Applejack to begin. She thrashes around roughly, doing her hardest to dislodge the dragon who hangs on for dear life by the skin of his teeth… Literally in one case as he only manages to stay on by chomping down on the tip of her tail as she swings him around.
Mykee snickers. “Reminds me of the time I rode a goat.”
“A…..goat?” Savanna asks with a blink.
“You went mutton-busting,” I ask as Spike is thrown into a hay pile. “Didn’t figure you for the rodeo type, Mykee.”
“Yeah, way to-goat-t!” Savanna laughs.
“If only. When I was like… five or something, my family went to a farmer friend’s… well, farm for our homeschool field trip. One of the farmer kids convinced me to ride a goat, holding its horns and keeping it in place until he coaxed me onto it. Then he let go, and it started walking… then running.” He rubs his temples at the memory. “I held on for dear life, until I couldn’t and it pitched me off. I think it flung me a good five feet sliding before I hit the front of a parked combine.”
I wince, “Ouch…”
Turns out, Rainbow Dash was in the haystack for some reason, Spike on her back. “Ready for another pony ride?”
“No,” Spike whimpers as Rainbow takes her spot in the center of the pen.
“This is better than watching my friend Morgan play Halo.” Savanna says with a chuckle,” Yeah…..Good times…..”
I smirk, and nod in agreement as when the signal is given Rainbow just bounces rapidly in place until Spike is sent flying high. It's over so fast no one disputes the victor.
Mykee frowns slightly, but doesn’t say anything.
“Rainbow Dash wins the Bronco Buck,” Twilight declares.
Fluttershy adds onto the scoreboard, and cringes when Spike lands in a flop on top of it. “And I lose,” Spike groans.
“Hey, it could be worse, at least they didn't step on your chest…” Savanna says with a shrug.
“Only one of them did.” Mykee points out.
“And I missed it?! Frick!”
“I meant only one pony stomped on you today.” He tilts his head.
“Oh…..I knew that….”
“...Do you need some water?” He offers the pitcher to her.
“Nah, I'm good.”
I chuckle, then raise an eyebrow as they put Spike back into the pen wearing a helmet with cow horns. Then they give AJ, and RD some rope.
“...Tug of war now?” Mykee raises an eyebrow.
“ No, they're doing ground roping.” Savanna says.
“Ground roping?” He looks at her curiously.
Spike just stands there with a grumpy expression as the girls start spinning the rope. Rainbow is just a mess as she tries to spin the lasso overhead, holding the end of the rope in her teeth. Applejack however has no issues, doing some tricks like a pro. She spins the loop vertical from the ground, hopping through it as she spins it side to side.
Reminds me of when Trixie came to town.
Yeah, AJ is a regular Wonder Woman… Power Ponies foreshadowing!
Then AJ lashes out with the rope, and in one quick yank she has Spike hog-tied at her hooves. He groans, “How do I get roped into these things…?”
“Ha, rope puns. Hope we don’t string them along.” Mykee smirks.
“Oh my god can you knot?” Savanna says while she wags her brows.
He snickers. “Why knot? We could get so knotty with this!”
“Wow,” I deadpan as I turn my head back and forth between them. “You know it's a bad day when Spike of all folks is making better puns than you…”
“Nah, I think we're pretty tied….” Savanna retorts and sticks her tongue out at me.
“C’mon, join us before we rope you in.” Mykee smirks at me.
I groan, “Guys, I love puns, I really do… It's just the way you make them so blatant like that is less punny, and more punishment.”
“Well gee, now you know why I hate my brother’s puns.” Mykee states. “So how about you just join the bad puns, so we can get it out of our systems?”
“How about no, and you both start practicing subtly with puns?” I look up in time to notice Rainbow Dash has somehow gotten herself hogtied from a tree outside the pen.
She looks around at the rest of us, “Um… Does this count?”
“Kinky.” Mykee comment-whispers to us.
“How do you….How could you…..Know what, not gonna question it.” Savanna says and puts her hands up.
“Good call,” I snicker.
The next events is push-ups, the first to 100 wins… Seeing a pony do that is still about as odd in reality as it is in the mind of someone that isn't familiar with the show.
It makes Mykee shiver though. “Ick, push-ups…”
“Same….Us girls have more weight in the chest…..Damn boobs.”
I don't comment, just watching as Twilight keeps count. The two athletes get through the first fifty with ease before they start to show any sign of fatigue. When they get to the 90’s is when they start to actually struggle.
“Better than me…” Mykee comments.
“ I'm out of breath just watching them.” Savanna mutters
“97,” Twilight counts. “98…”
The two competitors struggle as they hit 99, and it looks like the breaking point. Then Rainbow Dash gets an idea, and with a hard flap of her wings raises herself off the ground before Applejack.
“100,” Twilight decrees as AJ flops, and Rainbow hovers.
Applejack huffs, and mutters to herself, “Be a good sport Applejack…”
“Isn’t that cheating…?” Mykee frowns.
I say nothing, the next few events are a bit more simplistic. There's the Ball Bounce, a contest of bouncing balls on their foreheads the longest, which ends with Rainbow the victor after Applejack loses her concentration. She even ends up bouncing Applejack’s ball on a rear hoof.
After that is the Hay Toss where they both try to throw a rectangular bale of hay with their teeth the furthest distance down a decent sized course they built. Rainbow goes first, throwing hers nearly to the end of the course. She flies over behind it with a whoop, and blows a Raspberry at Applejack, only to get flattened when the farm pony takes her turn.
After that is some old-fashioned hoof-wrestling. The way the legs of these ponies bend sometimes perplexes me because equines should not be able to arm-wrestle. Then again their fur is thick enough I can only guess where the joints are. I make a mental note to grab a book on Equestrian biology as Rainbow Dash claims victory, all but throwing Applejack to the ground in the process.
“...Okay, that one seems like she’s cheating.” Mykee frowns. “Didn’t we just establish that AJ is stronger?”
“She was probably holding back in the wrestle to avoid hurting her friend,” I shrug. “But… That is actually a good question. Given what I know, RD may be stronger than her… Maybe…” I stroke my chin thoughtfully.
“What does she even lift? Fast doesn’t mean strong.” Mykee points out.
“Well exceptionally strong fliers like her are known to do push-ups by the tips of their primary feathers,” I point out. “Plus she's a karate black-belt, spends her days busting clouds apart, and she's the manager of the weather for the whole town… So she's no slouch. Applejack is just a really hard worker, kicking trees, and throwing hay around is just part of her daily life.”
Mykee considers. “Alright, noted.”
“I can relate to the the hay part.” Savanna speaks up and stands from her place on the grass.
I look up at her, “Leaving?”
“Yeah. I want food, and probably explore the shops.”
Mykee perks. “Can I join?”
“And miss the chance to eat your own foot?” I shrug, “Meh, I might join you too. I know how this all goes down anyways so nothing big’s happening until tomorrow anyhow.”
“So let’s get food! I’m dying for a bacon cheeseburger!” Mykee looks around for the way back to town.
Savanna laughs and leans on my shoulder, “ Oh man he has no idea……”
“Hey, I had to point out to you that this is a culture run by herbivores,” I chuckle as I get to my feet, playfully shrugging her off.
He blinks and frowns. “Seriously? There’s no meat anywhere?”
“Well I'm pretty sure Griffons eat meat,” I comment as I lead the way back to town. “Maybe Diamond Dogs, and a few other races, but nowhere in Ponyville I'm afraid.”
“What about the dragon? Shouldn’t he eat meat?” He frowns.
“Eh,” I shrug. “I suppose he could, but growing up with Twilight raising him he probably prefers a vegetarian diet with gemstones whenever he can manage it.”
Mykee grumbles. “If we don’t find some way to make fake bacon, I will die here.”
“Maybe tofu, or soy,” I suggest. “I dunno, talk to Pinkie about it.”
“If I don’t die from my pickiness, I hope to not die getting diabetes.” He grunts.
“Its happens dude. Fear not, for I was also a meat eater.” Savanna says, "And I'm still alive.”
“Well, sorry to you guys, I’m like the pickiest eater ever.” Mykee sweatdrops. “So hopefully there’s something I’ll eat.”
I make a nice veggie stir-fry,” I offer. “Also one family recipe, but it’s not that great without hamburger meat…”
“The only recipe I know that has veggies in it that I’ll willingly eat is my mom’s egg rolls. Which I can’t make without beef or turkey…” Mykee sighs. “I can make cheese rolls though. Oh, what about eggs? Can we eat those? I don’t like them, but we need protein somehow.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Savanna shrugs.
“Ponies bake,” I point out. “So yeah they gotta eat at least a little meat. I went fishing with the Apple family a couple times, though it was all Catch and Release.”
“Ick, fish.” Mykee grumps. “Did I ever tell you how I have gone my whole life without eating fish?”
“Okay, now that seems a little…..fishy…..” Savanna says and grins.
“Stop that,” I say simply, and give her hair a solid yank.
“Ow! Asshole!” Savanna yaps and punches me in the arm hard.
Do you mind? I live in this body too Harley! Try to take care of it.
Yes mom…
Savanna mumbles and rubs the sore spot on her head. “God Harley I know you're into kinky stuff but keep it to yourself….”
“...Nope, okay, saving the fish story for another time.” Mykee watches amusedly.
Kinky stuff? Harley have you, and this female-?
Hell no! Geez Nightmare, no… Once or twice while writing we might have tried our hands at some smut, but that’s it. We never even met in person until she warped here, remember?
Out loud I sigh loudly, and shoot Mykee an unamused look, “Not a word bub, not a damn word… I guess since we got time to kill, and most the town is being emptied into the apple orchard we should probably take Mykee home, and show him just how deep this rabbit hole goes.”
“RIght… so are you talking to Crazy?” Mykee tilts his head at me.
What?
A label we gave to a voice in the mind of one of his OCs.
“I’ve been telling you both for years I’m incredibly, and wonderfully insane,” I reply with a goofy smile, and throw an arm over each of their shoulders, hugging them tightly. Mykee narrows his eyes, probably deciding to broach the subject later when we’re in private.
I can’t tell them though… At least not yet. Not until they’ve spent more time around me to know it’s safe. I mean how do you tell some of your closest friends that the mind of one of Equestria’s greatest threats ever is now living in the backseat of your consciousness? When the time is right, that’s how.
Savanna hangs on me with a pout, “Yeah yeah…….Harley Quinn.”
“...You brought this on yourself,” I inform her, and reach to slip off my ring.
“Huh?”
Mykee takes a few steps back, bringing up his phone and starting to record.
Savanna points at him. “No! None of that, I don't need anymore blackmail against me!”
“...You’ve been blackmailed before?” Mykee asks amusedly.
“I don't wanna talk about it.” Savanna says and crosses her arms as she looks away, still with a pouty face.
I sigh, and drop my hands. I'm in too nice a mood to be mean to my friends.
Mykee pouts, putting his phone away.
Savanna wipes her brow with a sigh. “Whew! I thought you were gonna kill me.”
I roll my eyes, and within fifteen minutes we're home. I go around, closing all the drapes, and then sitting on the couch. “Alright… Sav, wanna tell him, or shall I? About the Watchers?”
“ You can. I'll make food.”
I sigh, and rub my face as I lean back on the couch. “Alright… Mykee, remember that thing you said about carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders?”
“Probably? I think I said that today.” He looks up.
“Well… You know my thoughts on time travel versus the multiverse… But to simplify our situation, our very being here could change events of the show. If that happens then the future becomes uncertain, and our chances of survival drop. So we have our own agency sanctioned by the princesses to make sure events are proceeding according to Canon.”
“...And what luck, two people who don’t know how the canon goes are yours to babysit.” Mykee smirks.
I shrug, “I was always hoping to get you two interested in this show anyhow… But nothing big is gonna happen until after the Gala, so at least I have that much time to get you both prepared.”
“Joy.” He deadpans.
“And you call me grumpy!” Sav yells from the kitchen, and then yelps when she drops a pan, “ Frick!”
I shout to the kitchen, “I swear if I have to carry you to the hospital again, I'm gonna see if they have a rewards membership thing for frequent visits.”
I look to Mykee, “But for now at least all we need to worry about is the Running of the Leaves tomorrow. It's how they shake the leaves free of the trees to prepare for the coming of winter… Come to think of it, Celestia is in this episode so we can kill two birds with one stone; I get to put my running training to use in the race to test myself, and we get to inform Celestia of your arrival in person.”
“Is she who we report to?” He asks.
“She's the high-ruler of Equestria for the last thousand years,” I reply. “But more accurately her little sister Princess Luna is our direct superior. She won't be around until Nightmare Night in Season 2 though. We might make time to visit her as our missions carry us to Canterlot.”
“Is she the one with the attitude?” He tilts his head.
Attitude?
“Attitude?” I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, “I… Well. I guess she has a little bit of one on occasion, but nothing major. If anything I suppose she just wishes to be accepted like Celestia is.”
How close am I to the mark on that one?
Very.
“Hm… so when is the Changeling Queen and King Sombra?” He asks.
“Chrysalis, and Sombra? Chrysi was the S2 finale villain, and season 3 opens with Sombra. For now we’re preparing for Discord, who opens Season 2.”
“Oh boy.” He looks up thoughtfully.
“Don't worry about it too much,” I assure him. “I mean… Worry a bit, you'd be stupid not to. But most this season I'm using what I know to pull resources to get us ready. So far we’ve got brilliant minds of science, and magic in the Watchers, as well as a seasoned secret agent, and what amounts to The Avatar from what I'm told. I'm hesitant to ever say we’re ever completely ready to go against a reality-bending chaos spirit like Discord, but at the very least we can go in without empty hands.”
“Noted… So is that why you and Savanna have armor?” He asks.
“Armor? Oh, the gauntlets?” I roll up my sleeves to show him my hidden bracers, and gloves. “Yeah, I kinda just asked our expert on magical tech if she could replicate some Halo weaponry for her. She's pretty obsessed with the Halo fandom so I figured she’d be able to use it in a pinch. Just saying now though that apparently these ponies know about guns, and they're extremely illegal, not even we can get our hands on some.”
He pouts. “Well there goes the request for the Ray Gun Mk. 3…”
With a smirk I flick my wrist, and extend the Wolverine claws. “We can improvise though…”
“How about a Green Lantern ring?” He asks hopefully.
I tilt my head, and roll my eyes up thoughtfully, “Huh… You know, that might actually be doable. We might need that next on the list once Zecora, and Minuet are done making the sensor.”
Mykee perks. “Well sign me the fuck up for that.”
I smirk, and retract my claws, “With, or without the oath?”
“Admit it, either way would be cool.” He comments.
“Yeah, it would be,” I agree. “Just keep in mind it might not be exactly the same as the comics. We’re going for function here, not flare.”
“I know… plus it would be overpowered.” He nods.
“No such thing when it comes to survival,” I shrug, and sit next to him. “Savanna, you alright in there? Been awful quiet…”
“Uh yeah, where did you put my stool? I can't reach the noodles…..” she says
Mykee stands and walks into the kitchen, reaching up to the shelf with the noodles. “What flavor?”
I poke my head into the kitchen to watch, curious to see about how well these two might be able to handle living under the same roof.
“Whichever one.” Savanna shrugs.
He shrugs and selects cheese flavor for himself, and veggie for everyone else.
“Thanks dude.” Savanna pips and pours the noodles into the pot of boiling water.
“No problem.” Mykee heads back into the living room and sits.
I smile to myself as I lean in the doorway with my arms crossed. This is going to work out rather nicely.
---------------
The next day it’s the Running of the Leaves, and I could not be more ready for this. It’s all I can do to keep from jumping around, and burning energy. I mean I’ve trained with Bonbon for months for this, and only Nightmare’s chatter can keep me distracted.
That boy Mykee may not be quite as athletic as our needs may require, but at least he fills other needs.
Oh? The waffles? Yeah that was awesome. I mean back in my world I all but perfected making those, but damn I surrender the kitchen to him anyday!
Agreed… So what is your plan for today?
Well my powers do all the speed bit for me, so today’s just a test of stamina. Figure I might try keeping pace with Twilight. I mean she kinda meandered most the way, but she still placed fifth. If I can manage the top 20 then I’ll call today a success. Top 10 I’ll throw a party!
Noted… Where are your friends?
Looking around I realize they’re not with me. I probably lost them in my haste to get to the racing grounds, I’ve always been a fast walker. So with a sigh I backtrack back a few streets to look for them.
Mykee moseys along, putting on sunscreen liberally on his exposed skin. He offers the bottle to Savanna. “Want some? We’ll probably be here all day, right?”
“Probably be smart.” She nods and grabs the bottle, squeezing a glob of it onto her arms, shoulders, face and chest.
I come around a corner face to face with them. “Come on you two, I wanna get there early. We have to check on that sensor unless...” I find I’m incapable of finishing that sentence. But the unspoken reality is there, that if we can’t confirm where the Manifest is then somepony is going to die.
“Alright. Calm down, let's get going then.” Savanna says and gives me a pat on the back.
“Go ahead. You know I’ll catch up eventually.” Mykee shrugs.
I sigh, “Not how this works Mykee… We stick together. I don’t want to risk losing track of either of you.”
“Well guess what? If we’re out here all day, I’m saving my strength.” He deadpans. “I’m a realist here, you two are focused on the mission, but how about catching this Manifest thing? Only Harley can catch it if it runs, so I’ll focus on thinking, kay?”
“I literally can not believe you just said that absolute bullshit, first off, I'm pretty sure a extra set of eyes is always nice. And I don't think you quite understand what's at stake.” Savanna says,” And if you’re stuck here, you might as well help out and quit putting yourself first.”
“I literally just gave you sunblock.” He states. “I’m saying we’re here all day. Do you plan to run that entire time? We can look together, but still, we’ll cover more ground separately.”
“Congrats, you’re a saint.” Savanna says bitterly.
“And you both need to chill,” I inform them. “Sav, he’s not used to being forced outdoors like this. If not for boredom he would probably prefer to be back at the house, but there’s nothing to entertain him there. Besides, we need to have him meet Celestia after the race… There’s more than the Manifest bothering me today.” I turn, and start walking. If they want details then they’ll ask.
Savanna tilts her head, ”What other something would that be?”
I rub the back of my neck, and look over my shoulder at them. “Does the words ‘Elements of Cringe’ mean anything to either of you?”
“Uh…..In what context?...” Sav asks
“Oh! The Piemations thing I showed you? Yeah, of course.” Mykee nods.
“Well… During breakfast I was thinking about how nice it was to be able to share that moment with, how nice it was that we three were together… But then it struck me what if it hadn’t been you both that had arrived here? That scares me. I have been in this Fanbase long enough to know that there is plenty for greedy motherfuckers to exploit here. If another human arrives in this world then who is to say that it won't be one of them? While we have the chance to report to one of the princesses I would like to get some answers on that matter.”
“Makes sense, I mean if one of those people show up we could just shove them off a cliff, no one would ever know….” Savanna says and rocks on her toes, whistling innocently.
“Don't even joke that way,” I growl. “What if we actually had to? Could you do it?”
“No. I couldn’t, and I’ve actually fired a gun on the field. I can punch someone in the goddamn face, but I can’t kill anyone,” Mykee says solemnly.
I give Mykee and approving nod, but then turn a state on the person the question was directed at.
“Okay….I'm sorry….” Savanna apologies timidly and looks away from us both, hiding behind her faded hair.
Mykee sighs. “I’ll try and keep up… but Harley, you really need to adjust your clock when I come along. You know I’m slow.”
“Right, sorry guys… Guess when you’ve got all the time in the world at your fingers you get a bit stingy where to spend it.”
Savanna just nods and turns to start briskly walking.
Mykee follows to keep pace, offering me the sunscreen.
As I reach out to take it suddenly a warmth surrounds us three, and the streets of Ponyville have been replaced with trees, and a dirt road. I can hear chatter a good ways off, but that hardly seems important right now.
Because right now Princess Celestia is swooping in from the sky, tucking her wings to her sides as her magic fades from around her horn. She has her gaze fixed on Mykee, though not in an unkind manner.
Mykee blinks, and slowly drops to a knee, bowing. “Um… hello?”
She smiles softly, and looks between us other two. “So polite… Another friend of yours I take it?”
“Yes.” Savanna says with a bow of her own.
I bow at the hip, and clear my throat. “I was hoping we would run into you, Your Highness… How did you know where to find us?”
“Sweetie Drops explained that you wished to participate in the race, and I didn’t want you to be late,” she replies kindly. “Please, rise, it’s quite alright.”
Mykee stands, brushing off his knee. “...So I’m going to be perfectly honest, how professional should I be around the princesses of this world? I only have two experiences, formal and military stiff, so I don’t really know how these things work…”
Celestia looks off to the side, “Well, if I had to be perfectly honest I tend to be a bit whimsical with who can address me casually…”
“I just do it when there’s no guards, or subjects around,” I comment.
“Yes, that’s probably best,” Celestia agrees. “And if you please, how long have you been in Equestria, Mister…?”
“Michael. And I think it’s been about a full day now, from yesterday to now.” He checks his watch.
Celestia raises an eyebrow at me, “Funny, Luna didn’t tell me anything…”
I cringe a bit, “...Been slipping on my reports. Sorry Princess…”
“Well, you were most likely occupied getting him settled,” she replies reasonably. “So, no harm, no foul. But on the topic of reports, perhaps as long as I’m here I can take one in person?”
I clear my throat, “Right, um… We’re closing in on the Manifest as we speak. We have a short list of suspects, and our experts are developing a sensor in order to confirm.”
Celestia nods, “I see. And a means of containment?”
“...I thought the book I originally got it from would suffice,” I reply.
She closes her eyes, “It may, but at the same time it may not. I’m not certain how it may react having been inside a non-magical creature. Therefore I urge you to use caution. Perhaps once located you should wait for myself to be present when dealing with it.”
“Is there a way we can instantly get your attention? Because if we find it, odds are it’s gonna start running…” Mykee points out.
Celestia nods in agreement, and then her eyes fall on his watch. “...Do you normally wear that watch, Michael?”
He looks down at it. “Haven’t taken it off since basic training.”
“Then with your permission I would like to enchant it,” Celestia says simply, stepping forward. “A simple spell once used in the agency Sweetie Drops once took part in. Press the face twice deliberately, and I will be alerted to your needs with a beacon. For the sake of subtly I will make it one only able to be sensed by myself, and my sister. Some occasions may demand my presence so she may need to come in my place.”
“Sure. I don’t suppose you can enchant the scratches off too…?” He smiles innocently.
She giggles softly, and nods. Then her horn lights up in her golden flame of magic, one that envelopes his watch. In mere seconds it looks brand-new, and the screen pulses gold softly before she turns off her magic, leaving no trace of her spell work.
He whistles, admiring it. “Thank you, Princess.”
“You're very welcome,” she says. “I expect you all will be moving as a group, but just in case I would like for you other two to select an item for me to cast the same enchantment on before the day is out.”
I nod, and rub my bracer, “...Princess… There's something I feel needs to be said.”
“Then speak,” she says patiently, and tilts her head ever so slightly.
“...All us humans coming to Equestria… It leaves me bothered with what may come…”
She raises a hoof, and waves it dismissively, “Oh, I don't see there being a problem. I understand you're not fond of your kind for the violent nature, but I have absolute faith any human who manages to come here the same way you did will not be of any danger to my lands.”
“...As much as I am a hopeful one for humanity… I still say we should prepare.” Mykee says hesitantly. “I was discharged from the military, and I have high training in a martial art. And there’s people out there who would willingly use training similar or greater to harm everyone here.”
“Of that I don't doubt,” Celestia replies. “However I do not believe any such individuals would ever find their way here.”
I frown, “With all due respect princess, that sounds a bit naive… What are you basing this on?”
She gives me a knowing smile, and explains, “Because you would never associate with such individuals Harley.”
“...So we’re basing our hope on the fact that everyone that may come here knows Harley? He’s got some fucked up family.” Mykee raises an eyebrow.
Celestia focuses her attention on me, “Harley, do you remember how you got here?”
I nod, very confused. “Yes…”
“Do you recall what you may have thought, or said before coming here?”
I cross my arms, “I… I was thinking of my cat. I was scared for him, sliding down a steep slope in a dark mountain cave… I didn't want my little buddy getting hurt, or killed.”
“Mm-hm, and how do you know these two?”
I look from Sav to Mykee, “Well… We’re writing buddies. I guess my closest ones, save for… One person… But what are you getting at?”
Celestia turns slightly, and starts walking around us slowly. “Once is an incident Harley… Twice is a coincidence, but three times is a pattern. Three humans, all very close friends… What I believed happened Harley was when you received such extraordinary magic as you did, it reached out to your heart’s desire to your home world, and opened a way for your friends. When they felt just the right way in regards to you in return, it pulled them through.”
I furrow my eyebrows more, “...Are… Are you saying what I think you're saying?”
She stops right in front of us, “If I have learned anything over a thousand years, it's not to underestimate the power of true friendship. Here in Equestria it has banished deathly winters, United a widely diverse species into the most prosperous nation in the land, and even purged the darkness from even the most lost hearts.”
I feel Nightmare cringe a bit at that, but do my best to focus on Celestia. She looks between the three of us, “So you see, anyone who comes the same way you did would have to be a close friend of Harley’s. Therefore, any further humans who come to Equestria as you did are not on my list of concerns.”
“...Quick Harley, how many more close friends do you have?” Mykee turns to me.
I close my eyes, and think, “Um… Only one that I can think of about as close as you guys… And that… Well… You know… Jane…”
“...Oh.” Mykee blinks slowly. “...I see…”
“Well, here's a thought, what if mine and Mykee’s closest friends start coming? Then what?”
Celestia shakes her head softly, then looks to Savanna to reply, “Harley was the first to open the way. I have some experience with this kind of magic, and I highly doubt that it will work that way.”
“Well that would be convenient, because my other friends are ADHD-fueled Bronies.” Mykee comments. “Two of them. ...I don’t have many real life friends.”
I smirk, and lightly punch his arm, “Well you do now.”
Celestia looks confused, “...Brony?’”
“Superfans of the show that seems to be following this world.” Mykee explains.
“I'm just going to keep my mouth shut on this subject.” Savanna says with a shrug,” Even I don't fully understand it…”
“Think of it as an overly obsessive fanclub, but for this world and everyone in it in general.” Mykee says.
“Okay...”
Celestia smiles softly, and steps closer. She surprises even me as she opens her wings, wrapping them around the three of us in a very warm hug. “I could be wrong about who might be coming, and if they ever come… But whatever the outcome, you have my faith my little humans.”
Savanna blinks, wide eyed before she quickly drops it and smiles warmly. “Thank you Princess.”
Mykee blinks and squirms softly. “Thank you…”
Celestia releases us, and steps back, “But save those worries for when they're needed. For now… I believe someone has a race to run?”
I blink, and nod with a smile, “Right! Yeah, uh… Imma go do that!” I head off for the starting line, and behind me I can hear the monarch of the sun laughing softly.
---------------
As expected, I didn't win the race. But I exceeded my own expectations. 7th place, only two steps behind Twilight. My friends didn't race sadly, but Pinkie was willing to let them ride in her commentary balloon with her, and Spike. That had been a spirit-lifter if I ever heard one, listening to the four of them chatter about the race while I took a country stroll through the woods with Twilight.
But I was surprised today too… Bonbon was the pony who claimed the gold medal. Derpy actually came in second, and Berry Punch was third. Everyone in the top ten got a medal though, and I can't help staring at mine as I head over to where Pinkie is landing her balloon.
“Aayyyyy! Good job Har!” Savanna gives me a high five and a thumbs up.
“No superpowers? I would have thought you’d abuse the shit out of it.” Mykee smirks, patting my back.
“That wouldn't be very sporting,” I laugh. “And that's what this episode was about in the show. Being a good sport, and not letting a competition split a friendship… Otherwise you both finish last. Just like RD, and AJ did.”
“How ironic fate can be.” Mykee intones, quoting a video game.
I roll my eyes, and pull my friends into a group hug. “Still, one of my best days of my life… Who wants cheesecake?”
“Fuck yeah! I make an amazing cookies and cream cheesecake!” Mykee smirks.
“Great…..You two are making it extremely difficult to cut back on sweets….” Savanna sighs.
Pinkie gasps, and stretches her neck to look Sav right in the eye, pressing their faces together, “WHAT?! But that is the most important food group!”
Rubber, and pop rocks, I swear…
“Maybe here, but in our world, sweets constantly is the one way street to diabetes.” Mykee comments.
Savanna puts her finger on Pinkie's nose and pushes her away. “Nope, still good.”
Pinkie narrows her eyes, “This calls for extreme measures. Pinkie Pie Style!” Then she takes off in a pink streak for town.
---------------
Turns out, like when Gilda came to town, those extreme measures are a party! At… My house. We return home to colorful streamers, balloons, some fresh punch, and a spread of snacks. Luckily ponies are vegetarian, not vegan, so most of the snacks had cheeses, and vegetables with some nice fruit dishes as well.
Rolling my eyes I decide to vegetate on the couch with my phone. Pinkie had invited over the Mane 6 so it's a pretty full house. Even the CMC are over to make it a pool party.
Mykee looks around, raising an eyebrow. “That was fast…”
“That's Pinkie Pie, don't question it,” I state flatly as I pull the episode of Fall Weather Friends from my iTunes. No harm in playing it now since it already happened.
Mykee shrugs. “Imma make the cheesecake now.” He heads into the kitchen.
“Welp, I'm going for a walk because I feel crowded and it's hot.” Savanna says and quickly peels off the couch, leaving an imprint of sweat.
Pinkie is suddenly in front of her wearing pool goggles, “Come on swimming then! We need a couple more adults for water-polo with the Cutie Mark Crusaders!”
“Uh….I'm good……” Savanna steps around the pony.
“Pleeeeeaaaaaase?” The CMC stare up at her with pleading faces. I nearly have a heart attack on the spot from how adorable they are.
Savanna sighs and closes her eyes as she crosses her arms. “Alright, fine…….Just don't do that face again.”
“Need sunscreen?” Mykee calls from the kitchen.
“What is it with you and sunscreen? You like, always have some with you.” Savanna says with a raised brow as she turns to the kitchen.
“Were you not there for that? I’m allergic to the sun. My skin gets a horrible itchy rash.” Mykee replies.
“Apparently not……” Savanna responds and shrugs.
“So yeah, another reason I hate outside.” Mykee peeks out, offering the lotion.
Savanna takes it and hops up the stairs, “Alright, just let me put my suit on, I'll be out in a jiffy.”
I frown, and tilt my head, “You’re allergic to the sun? Is it that Polymorphic Light Disorder thing I heard about? You know, in extreme cases makes the skin break out in blisters on contact with UV radiation?”
“I dunno, I never got it checked.” He shrugs. “Also, we have bathing suits?”
“I do, don't know about you two.” Savanna says as she walks into the kitchen with a towel around her waist, wearing a black thick-strap bikini top.
Mykee whistles. “Well, you rock it. Hopefully Rarity fixes me a wardrobe when she’s not busy.”
I blink a few times, and then turn my attention back to my phone. “Right, uh, I’m pretty sure I got an extra pair until then. I bought myself a whole wardrobe from Rarity within my first month here.”
“Well then, when I’m finished making cheesecake, I think I’ll see how much rough housing those kids do.” Mykee smirks, returning to his work.
Savanna shakes her head at him and turns to head out back to the pool.
“Hey, is that us?”
I jump in my seat as Rainbow Dash, and Applejack look over my shoulder at my phone. Not seeing any harm I turn it so they can watch with me. “Yeah, this is the episode you guys just lived. You guys just brought in Twilight to be your judge.”
The two athletes sit to either side of me so they can see better, and we exchange the occasional comment on the day based on what we see in the episode… Until one thread of conversation grips my heart like an icy snake.
“That was a tough competition, even with wings,” Rainbow laughs.
“Yeah,” AJ agrees. “Though, didn’t we do the push-ups before the ball-bounce, and hay toss?”
Rainbow taps her chin with a hoof, “Huh… Yeah, we did now that I think about it.”
And there it is, my worst fear realized… The episode got it wrong.
Oh sweet Celestia.