//------------------------------// // Meet the crew // Story: Pokémans // by Paradox Wolf //------------------------------// “Both if you stop!” I yell at my two brawling friends although my voice goes unheard. My friends Amy, a highly irritable girl with some nasty anger issues, and Avery, a sarcastic asshat who tends to say very ‘uncouth’ things. “Guys!” It happened every other day between the two that one of them would try to kill the other or at the very least attempt to maim one another and while it never came to that she feared that one day one of them would take it a step to far. Amy tended to throw out a fury of punches in hopes of overwhelming Avery but he easily deflected each blow off to the side along with returning a few of his own. “Ya done yet?” He yelled at Amy. “Cause you ain’t lookin’ to well to me darlin’.” “It’s over when your on the ground begging for mercy asshole!” Screamed Amy as she charges Avery once more. That was something I could admire about her, no matter how many hits she takes she never gives up and pushes on forward. Avery on the other hand was a skilled fighter for martial arts were his speciality besides being a smart ass all the time. Finally slipping past his defense Amy decks him in the jaw before tackling him to the ground. After a few minutes of rolling around on the ground Avery allows Amy to take top seemingly giving up with a precarious grin on his face. Oh no.Amy’s hands wrap around his neck, chocking him but his smile only grows more until it’s strain laughter. Please don’t. “What’s with the laughing dick head?!” Barked Amy from on top of him before finally sending a punch across his face causing him to quiet down but retain his grin. “What's so funny?” “You *cough you could at least buy me dinner before mounting me like ya did.” Answered Avery with his default shit eating grin on his face. Amy realized the position they were in and instantly recoils off of him. “Perverted asshole...” Whispered Amy as she took a spot against the wall. “What is wrong with you two? What if one of you got hurt! Can’t you two just get along for one week instead of coming at each other like Rocky balboa to Sylvester Stallone!” And them there’s me, a normally shy girl with only these two as friends. Last thing I remember is that all of us went to sleep on bad terms that night and we woke up as these things. “I’m sorry I almost knocked the idiot out, and we’re Pokémon by the way.” Responded Amy as she studied her new body. She was a slightly shorter than average Riolu with lean muscles covering her body. Her stats leaned toward defense and attack but was weak in special defense. “But he was being more of an asshole then usual.” “If I recall I gave up so I could make a joke. Ya wouldn’t have stood a chance had I actually tried.” Avery laid on a branch of one of the trees with a string of long grass in his mouth. A tall treeko with slight above average speed and special attack. His health was missing a good 10% for a treeko but his high special attack made him a glass cannon. “Had I actually tried, ah would’ve shown ya some true, southern hospitality.” “Avery shut up before she attacks you again cause the last thing we need is a fight between you two.” Then me, I was a Ralts and had below average stats in everything except special attack and special defense which were pretty high for a Ralts. “We have to find a way out of this forest, Avery use your climbing abilities to look for an opening. Amy, hold me...” Amy used stare. “What? Do you not see scary forest with trees that want to stare murder us?” “Sure, but wouldn’t it be better if we split up and look around?” Asked Amy studying her... Posterior dimensions? “You know like the dog and the tall, high dude you watched on tv when you were little?” “Well ain’t that just the best darn idea I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing. Let’s all split up in the middle of the forest during the night. Absolutely brilliant Amy.” “Don’t make me come up there.” “I doubt you could get up here honey, too much weight weighting you down.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Let’s just say all those cakes you eat when no ones looking went straight down to them hips darlin’.” “Amy just take the compliment, we don’t want to have to carry a corpse around.” *Amy breathing heavily “You’re right, I sho-“ “Also you’re fat.” “AHHHHHHH!” Celestia was taking her leave after lowering The Sun and was leaving court to her sister when suddenly a pillar of light struck the ground of the dense everfree. She responded the only way she knew how, “Oh sugar honey ice tea better send the guard so they can deal with this.” Looking around for her jar of dragon fire and seeing it on a shelf just out of her reach. “Eh, it’s near Ponyville. Twilights got this.” As Celestia drifted off towards sleep Luna busted down her door. “Sister we have made a most frightening discovery! A giant las-“ “I know, I know. But Twilight probably saw it too. She has it under control... probably.” Interrupted Celestia nuzzling her pillow. “She’s awesome with these things.” “But sister isn’t it unwise to send a civilian into the unknown? Especially your prized student? We do not see this ending well.” Worried Luna as she started to pace around the room. “Yeah you’re right, I’ll send for the gaurd in a weeks time.” “A week?! They could be dead or worse by then!” Yelled Luna on the verge of using the Royal Canterlot voice. “Hasn’t stopped me before and it won’t stop me now.” Replied Celestia staring at her sister tiredly. “If you’re so worried about them why don’t you do all the paperwork for the gaurd.” “...” “Exactly. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to pass out now.” Stated Celestia as she face planted her pillow with such grace and much elegance.