Chapter 1: Awakening
So what happens when you wake up from a costume party that ended with you so drunk you could've out-classed a Lannister?
Usually, the answer to that question is a crippling headache with some guy who ‘accidentally’ wore the Pink Power Ranger outfit right next to you in the middle of a dark alley, butt naked.
For me?
I woke up as a dragon.
Igneel, to be exact.
It was quite worrying, to be honest. But weirder shit has happened. Like people who actually believe that the Sharknado will exist one day.
But you want to hear of my reaction and what I do with my new dragony body.
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My brain pounded against my skull, berating me for ever even touching alcohol in the first place. Truly, none could send such swift retribution as that of the organ keeping me barely functioning.
It took the better part of an hour and that accursed flaming ball of plasma to get me on my feet. It was at that moment I knew something was wrong.
Red scales had replaced my skin, with sharp claws doing the same for my fingers. My legs were bent at angles not unlike those of quadrupeds, but my arms remained the same general shape as before. My neck was significantly longer than before. A weight on my back had me realize that I had wings, and a quick feel revealed a tail. A large X scar adorned my chest.
I was a dragon. But I was no ordinary dragon! This was the dragon that most aspired to be!
I was motherf***ing Igneel!
Under normal circumstances, one would freak the hell out. Not me, though. Alcohol the previous night and the feel of skull-fuckery did help with that.
Seriously Brain! Lay off me once in awhile. I've already got enough to do trying to get my engineering degree without you punishing me for having fun.
As I was slowly getting over my hangover, I looked around the area.
Imagine a large cave with what seemed to have a lava waterfall going into a pool large enough for two of me. There were three corridors connected to the room. Curiosity took me down the left path.
That little beauty brought me to something that made my eyes widen and my brain to almost stop functioning.
You know Smaug’s horde? I've got that.
Piles upon piles of gold and silver and jewels! If I wanted to, I could quite literally take a bath of treasure. Scrooge McDuck would be jealous of this. One question went through my mind as I looked upon the wealth.
Is there a magic sword of dragon slaying in my lair?
For all that I was, a thief was not one of the monikers that I held. Until it was proven that this beautiful pile of wealth was mine, I shan't touch it. Granted, it took me a good while to finally go back to the previous room, but human greed is a fierce beast to fight. Was it worse now that I was a dragon? Meh, questions for later.
I went down the one on the right and found a sleeping area. In the ground was a shallow pit filled with furs, making a comfortable looking bed. I was definitely curling up in that after my date with exploration.
The last hallway lead to the outside. And was I surprised.
Snow. That was all the eye could see for miles. Well, that and mountains, but they were all buried in the icy blanket. The clouds were so thick that it completely blocked out the Sun. The wind was howling like a monster, threatening all who would be foolish enough to enter its domain.
I for one did not enjoy the prospect of meeting John Egbert’s demented winds, so back into the nice and lava-y caves I went.
As I neared the lava pool, I had an idea. If Natsu was immune to all heat-related attacks from the anime, was that similar for me. I ignored my hammering brain that was telling me that this was a bad idea, but I couldn’t care less. All lava was was heated up rocks. If that crazy bastard could eat explosions, then I could take a bath in liquid rocks.
I dipped my foot into the pool and was rewarded with a nice warmth. Following my foot, my body found itself in the warm embrace of the planet’s equivalent of blood. Gruesome analogy, I know, but it was the only one that fit. It was deep enough that it came up to my new hips. Curling my tail (that was going to take some getting used to), I sat down.
Now my head rested on the edge of the lava pool, and I was nearing slumber. God, why is this so good!
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Would you all believe me if I said a month had passed since that happened? Of course you would. This is my story after all.
Anyway, in that time, I learned that I was not in a hangover coma/dream. I was in the body of the King of the Fire Dragons. I learned basic dragon skills like flying and fire breath. And I could drink lava.
No joke on that last one. Filled me up as much as one would expect, but left me shitting literal bricks.
In that whole month, nothing happened. Literally, the only thing of note was finding an actual sword in that pile, and I could feel the enchantments on it. I didn't care if it was only used for bear hunting, that was going to be melted!
It was another day in my new, boring life. Chillaxing in my pool like a baller, almost heading to sleep when I smelt something.
It was the smell of a living being.
I followed my predatory senses to the entrance of my cave. And way beyond.
“Who the hell would walk in that?”
Steeling myself, I flew into the frozen land. I really wasn't going to question my body after tracking the smell for ten minutes. When I found the source, I almost facepalmed.
Before me, in the snow, was a crystal horse with a tattoo.
I was in f***ing My Little Pony.
Damn you little sister for this knowledge!
What the hell did I do that night,I asked myself as I flew it back to my cave.
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Sombra laughed as he watched the pony run into the frozen lands. And why wouldn't he?
It would take weeks to make it far enough south to where Equestria lied on hoof. In that time, either wendigoes or frostbite would claim her life. It was a willing death sentence. No creature short of the amalgamation could live more than one week.
Get help to overthrow me? I think not.
He turned away to face his palace. The kingdom he usurped from his dear sister years ago.
Soon, he will be ready to take his rightful place as Conqueror of the World!
None would stop him now.
Not with his Crystal Empire supplying him.