Fluttershy sat at the desk in the living room of her cottage. In front of her layed a pristine white piece of paper along with an ink well and quill. Normally she wouldn’t stay up this late but tonight was different. There was a mix of emotions that she could quite get rid of and she hated every moment of it. Twilight was one of her best friends and yet the feelings she had for the purple unicorn wouldn’t change. Fluttershy picked up the quill subconsciously before putting it back down. “Do I love her?” She said to no pony or animal in particular “Or do I hate her?” She let out a frustrated sigh. “Your not even going to see this letter, so does it matter if I write?” Just when she was going to walk away, she felt a hard kick against her leg. Looking down she saw a very cross white bunny tapping the floor with his paw. “Okay, okay!” Fluttershy laughed. “I’ll write it!” She reached for the quill for the second time and was about to put it back down and tell her bunny friend she couldn’t do it when she saw his face in the reflection in the living room window. Fluttershy sighed and started write:
Dear Twilight,
I know this will never reach you. As soon as I’m done writing this I’ll either have blurred the letters with tears or have thrown it into the fire to watch it burn. Or perhaps…perhaps Iw ill keep it hidden under my pillow or in a special box where my animals won’t chew it up. A box with a lock so Angel Bunny can’t steal it and show it to you. But maybe this letter won’t even get finished. Maybe the words I want to say will stay locked away in my brain. Fact of the matter is…I have gone a very very long time without telling you how I really feel. It’s been almost since I’ve met you. When I first met you I was so scared of you, but now it seems like I try to spend every moment with that I can. Even though I have my animals, my cottage can seems really empty and lonely. So in a sense I miss you….
Fluttershy let out an aggravated groan. “I don’t miss her!” She thought, leaning her head against her left forehoof. “Or perhaps I do? I mean I see her everyday but I just want to see her more than I do. Does that make me clingy? I don’t mean to be!” Her thoughts began to ruminate and wander into territories that either scared her or excited her more than anything. Through the clouds of her deepening daydream she heard a sharp cough. Sure enough Angel was glaring at her, holding her quill infront of her face. Fluttershy jumped a little. “Don’t do that Angel! You scared me.” The only response she received was a “hmph” and a paw pointing down at the barely started letter. She picked the feathery quill back up, determined to finish the letter so she could go to bed.
I suppose miss isn’t the right word. It’s just that I long for your company Twilight. I like being able to spend time with you because….because…. I love you. I love you more than anything! You enlighten me and bring me more joy than any other pony can. You’re beautiful, smart, kind, a brilliant leader, and a good friend! I wish you felt the same way… I mean you would never be happy with me, would you? Ever since you and Applejack got together, I have felt so left out. So alone. And now you’re getting married! It’s wonderful! It really is and I’m more than happy for you... but... at the same time it makes me really upset. So upset I could just…scream! You’re always either neck deep in your studies or at Applejack’s. I can’t even remember the last time you came over to help take care or animals. Or the last time you simply came over for a nice chat over tea. Just because I see you everyday at the castle for our council meetings or in the market buying things for our lunches doesn’t mean I feel satisfied with it. I just want to spend time with you twilight! An hour at least, you know? Star gazing or laying by the fire drinking apple cider! It would make me so happy to be with before everything changes!
Fluttershy’s mouth trembled and tears started to pour down her face. Some of the words she had just written were starting smear, the black ink getting of her hoof. She didn't notice however and her thoughts started to wander off again. This time they went forward into the future. In the fall she would be attending Manehatten’s School of Veterinary Medicine and Twilight spending most of her time in Canterlot for official princess business or out at Sweet Apple Acres helping AppleJack with Applebuck season. Then she would be doing internships during the summer and heading back for a second year of college the following fall. With any luck she would be able to see them again during a visit somewhere in the four years she would be away. Otherwise she’d have to wait and that thought made her cry more. Suddenly she felt angry. Fluttershy hadn’t felt this angry with anypony or anything for a long time and this feeling made her want to write even more.
You know what though, Fluttershy’s quill dug itself into the paper, I hate you. You don’t treat me like a friend anymore and you’re just so perfect! You’re flawless. Everybody likes you! Everybody wants to be you! You’re the prefect scholar! Look at me, though. I barely finished Ponyville College and you were the valedictorian! Now I’m head off to huge university while you doing princess stuff full time. Shouldn’t you be headed to university and I be heading back to care for animals? You’re assertive while I can’t talk to others. Other ponies say that I’m painfully shy, but I try! I do! No one notices though. No pony can see the effort that I’m putting in to build up my confidence. And look at the relationship you have with Applejack! It’s so perfect! You never fight or anything. It’s so perfect! And again. Look at me. Still single without a lover to hold me when I’m scared. You tell me it takes time to find the perfect one, but yet I’m older than you and still no one! I hate your perfectness. I just hate it so much!
Fluttershy’s anger reached it’s limit and crumpled up the letter, throwing it towards the fireplace. Angel’s eyes widened and he leaped from where he was laying. Just before the letter fit the fire place angel snatched out of the air, but not before a spark had a chance to land on. Landing on the ground, Angel quickly blew out the spark so it couldn't do anymore damage. He uncrumpled the now burned letter and returned it to Fluttershy. Fluttershy gently took the letter out of his paws and gave him a soft smile in return. “Thanks, Angel, but you could’ve gotten hurt jumping so close to the fire like that.” Angel rolled his eyes at that remark and retreated back to his bed, confident that Fluttershy would finish the letter.
Fluttershy watched her favorite bunny for a minute before picking up the quill for the last time.
I’m sorry if I hurt you with those last words. I didn’t mean to Twilight. It’s just….I feel like I’m never enough for anypony. Anything. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to you, but it’s so hard to do. You are everything I want to be and everything I want in my life. I hate this love-hate war that plays with my heart all the time. You know, maybe while I’m at vet school I’ll meet a nice stallion. Maybe things will cool off and we can better friends than we are right now. I really hope stay friends though. I’m going to miss you and the others so much when I leave. I know that all of us are busy. Rainbow Dash is flying with the wonderbolts. Rarity has two new shops to watch over. Pinkie Pie will be opening her own party shop soon. And you and Applejack will be preparing for the wedding. I hope we don’t grow apart. Maybe we can all write each other letters. That would make me so happy! About your wedding….I know that you have asked me if I’d go for the last four months but I never gave you a straight answer. So yes, Twilight. I will be at your wedding. I Pinkie Pie promise.
Your Forever Friend,
Fluttershy
Fluttershy put down her quill and examined her letter. The side of the paper was burned and the middle had been smeared but that didn’t matter to her. She felt better. All the anger and frustration that had been pent up was let go and now it was being replaced with a soothing calm. She carefully folded the letter and put it into a small white envelope. She picked it up and trotted up to her bedroom where she kept a box that Angel proof and locked it inside. “Well” She said quietly “I know she’ll never read it, but I feel like she already did.”