No plans survived a hot bath, no matter how necessary it felt to make them. Feeling a little drowsy, Gosling watched as Celestia did some spell while she floated in the steaming water. What that spell was, he had no idea, but she seemed relaxed and happy so he didn’t interrupt her. Luna, drowsy, seemed to be calming down, and she too, watched as her sister performed magic.
The glittering light of Celestia’s magic continued for a time, and then grew in brilliant, dazzling intensity, causing the bath water to come alive. A million tiny diamonds seemed to spring into existence around them and little motes of magical fire that Gosling did not remember the name of danced along the water’s surface. Celestia’s face was one of serene beauty, with her eyes closed and her mouth in a relaxed, almost smiling position.
Above Gosling’s head, the projected image of a planet appeared and if he was careful, he could make out landmasses as well as oceans. A tiny sun sprang into existence, burning bright, and half of the world was bathed in golden light. As if on cue, a miniature moon popped into existence and the other half of the world now shone with silver light. Luna’s drowsiness vanished as she snapped to attention and the light of the mini-moon could be seen reflecting in her eyes.
Much to Gosling’s surprise and amazement, little red dots began to appear on the globe, popping into existence as the sun and moon danced about the planet in their respective orbits. Squinting, Gosling tried to recognise the various landmasses and he wondered what the red dots were. Some places had many red dots, others had few. Equestria as it turned out, had hardly any.
“What is this?” Gosling asked as Luna began weaving her own magic into the projected image above the bath.
“Grogar’s agents emanate a peculiar energy.” Celestia’s words were a soft murmur and her speaking did not take away from her concentration. “They keep finding new ways to hide it, and through the power of my sun, I keep searching for new ways to find them.”
“We do not understand the nature of the magic involved, or what is even being done to these agents.” Luna seemed to be adding her own touches to the projected image, such as swirling clouds, visible ocean currents, and splendid, spectacular cities alive with tiny details.
“Must you show off?” Celestia demanded of her sister.
“Must you be so plain and boring?” Luna quipped in response without looking at her sibling. “Trottingham and Liverypool are thoroughly infiltrated. This is quite distressing and We are of the opinion that they will fall sooner, rather than later.”
“Can nothing be done to help them?” Gosling asked.
“They do not wish to be helped. They would rather continue to bicker about tribalism, superiourity, and the rights of their city-states, rather than what their nation needs a whole. I fear that they are already lost. When and if they come to their senses, and they come to us for help, we shall help them. But in the meantime, these isles might become a serious threat to our security.”
“So this is Mister Mariner all over again.” Gosling cringed a little when the two sisters both turned to stare at him, and he felt his throat go tight. “I mean, you both are aware that there is major trouble brewing, you’re watching as the dominoes line up, and you can’t do anything about it for fear of looking like tyrants. This is supremely frustrating.”
“If We had our way,” Luna muttered, “a pre-emptive invasion would be launched and those isles would be swept clean, but even We admit that doing such would have drastic, perhaps even unintended consequences. It would be a foolish move that would endanger much, while getting rid of the obvious threat.”
“To protect the world, you’d have to take over the world.” Nodding, Gosling understood the issue. Deep down in his heart, he suspected that the world might be a better place if Celestia and Luna did take it over. “Equestria is a tiny place, in the bigger scope of things, an island of enlightenment… and I guess that the two of you have to figure out some way of keeping Equestria safe even while the rest of the world collapses into darkness.”
“There may come a point where I am forced to act.” Celestia breathed out these words, and she sounded troubled to Gosling’s ears. “Should we ever reach what I feel is a tipping point, Equestria will undergo rapid border expansion and I would bring my most terrible magicks to bear, magicks that the world has long since forgotten about. For now, I shall have to rely upon the agents of fate and the work they do. There are heroes in the world, Gosling, and they do good work. We must maintain hope that their stout hearts remain true.”
“That’s your fear, isn’t it?” With a splash, Gosling moved a little closer to the troubled white alicorn. “You worry that you might have to step in for their own good, and somehow justify tyranny. It really is the Mariner situation all over again, because you had a nervous breakdown over the very idea of being seen as a tyrant.”
Celestia replied with deafening silence and a troubled, heartbroken expression.
“More and more of Grogar’s minions gather in Saddle Arabia,” Luna said as the projected image turned and a land filled with red dots came into view. “They foolishly maintain their neutrality and refuse to see Grogar as a threat. The Saddle Arabians feel that even questionable empires have their place in the world. We have sent envoys, but they will not listen to reason.”
“Zebrabwe remains our strongest ally, if I recall rightly from what I learned in the morning meetings.” Searching the world, Gosling found it, a vast, endless plain, a continent on the other side of the world located on the southern hemisphere. “Grogar fears the zebras even more than he fears us. The zebra’s spirit magics pose a significant threat to him and his followers. They are natural healers and Grogar presents himself as a disease. They have advantages that we don’t.”
“We are proud of you,” Luna said to Gosling, “for you have learned much in a short time. Times like this make up for your cocky idiocy.”
“Luna, forsooth… how could you? Gosling’s cocky idiocy is just what is needed around here. He’s the closest that we’ve had to a jester in a very long time indeed.” Reaching out with one hoof, Celestia shoved her sister down into the water, dunking her and then let out a humongous sigh of satisfaction as the water around her submerged sister seemed to boil with bubbles.
Luna came up spluttering and spitting out soap bubbles.
“I have already begun to strategise with Gosling in mind.” Celestia’s lips formed an exaggerated moue and she ignored the seething stare of her drenched sibling. “He makes a worthwhile distraction, the media loves to focus on everything he does, and let’s be honest… he’s quite pleasing to look at. If I trot him out into a room, he is going to be looked at. That’s advantageous to me. Yes, Gosling is my little ducky decoy.”
Gosling went to protest, but Celestia cut him off.
“Kibitz approaches,” she said, “and he bears strange magic.”
Looking apologetic, Kibitz stood at the edge of the bath, his mustache quivering, and his glasses fogged over from the steam. “My most sincere apologies, Majesties, but I have this potion from Zecora, and a heartfelt apology that it did not arrive sooner. It seems that the first batch exploded.”
This was not reassuring, not in the slightest.
“Kibitz, care to join us?” Celestia asked while making an inviting wave at the water.
“I am flattered, Your Majesty, but there is much to be done.” Kibitz sucked in a deep breath and then added, “Oh, good news, Your Majesty, all of the tickets for access to Gosling have sold out.”
“Say what?”
“Shush, Gosling.” Celestia placed a soggy, soapy hoof over Gosling’s open mouth to silence him and then turned to address her stuffy majordomo while the pegasus pulled away, sputtering and spitting out soap. “Did I just hear you correctly? Sold out, you say? But I gave you some ridiculous number as a joke, Kibitz.”
“Oh, my most sincere apologies, Your Majesty, I took you at your word. Dreadfully sorry, Madam.” Kibitz’s posture became starchy and he stared straight ahead.
“What?” Gosling asked in between spitting out soap bubbles.
“Oh dear,” Celestia gasped and she began to rub her neck with her hoof. “All of them?”
“All of them.” Kibitz’s response seemed weary somehow and he continued to stare straight ahead.
“What hast thou done?” Luna asked.
“Charitable efforts,” Celestia replied while shaking her head. “Kibitz, honestly, I was being silly when I gave you those numbers. In the past, you have always made much needed corrections and done what was right—”
“But sister, what was done?” Luna wrapped her forelegs around Celestia’s neck and shook her. “What did you do and why hast thou sold out Our shared husband?”
“Oh, this is a pickle… this will last longer than the scheduled gala.” Celestia ignored Luna’s efforts and her eyes narrowed while she tried to concentrate. “That was three hundred tickets… that’s what, five hours?”
“Tickets?” Gosling asked, feeling afraid and not knowing why. The feeling of his own impending doom was unpleasant. “Sunshine, what did you do to me? Sunshine?” Turning his head, he looked up at Kibitz. “Hey, yous, I wanna know what is going on.”
“The Weeping Sister Hospital is scheduled to receive what might be the largest donation on record,” the majordomo replied with his best dry wit.
“Sister, hast thou resorted to pimping—”
“Luna, come on, I thought we agreed to never speak of that again.” Once more, Celestia dunked her sibling into the bath, shoving her down and holding her beneath the water for a time. “That’s a substantial amount of bits, given just how awful everything is right now.” While Celestia spoke, Luna came up coughing and spitting out bubbles.
Gosling pulled Luna close and began to pound her on the back, which seemed to turn her into a bubble blower. She whooped a few times, coughed, and this entire time, Kibitz stood passive on the edge of the enormous bath basin while Celestia rubbed her chin. In what was sure to be a smart move, Gosling retreated from the dunk-happy alicorn and took Luna with him.
“Three hundred tickets at one hundred gold bits a ticket… whew.” Celestia let out a huff, nodded, and then turned her rosy eyes upon Gosling. “Each ticket can be redeemed for one minute of your time in a private dance and one friendly kiss as well, should it be requested. I had no idea that so many parents would buy so many tickets for their foals… they must think highly of you, Gosling. You should feel flattered.”
“I… don’t?” Now clinging to Luna in terror, Gosling tried desperately to do some math.
“Oh, and you have to wear a ridiculous sweater, too.”
Whimpering, Gosling hugged Luna even tighter, and she belched out a stream of rainbow-hued soap bubbles. “Nopony consulted with me about this—”
“I didn’t think this would be a runaway success,” Celestia said while she cut Gosling off with a dismissive wave of her hoof. “Gosling, you’re going to be a much beloved celebrity when you drop off that thirty thousand gold bits donation to the Weeping Sister Hospital. We need this kind of political capital right now, given everything that’s just happened. Now go drink that potion and regrow your wings.”
For a mare so hesitant about being tyrannical to strangers, Gosling realised that Celestia had no such compunctions when it came to exploiting him. This was not the first time that he had seen her ruthless side, but this was still no less surprising. She was entirely willing to hawk him out… and… and… he had willingly chosen this life. This was a matter of duty, so it would be done. Five hours of one minute dances, no doubt with some little filly that had dreams of dancing with a prince, and not Prince Blueblood. No, Gosling was the approachable prince, and this was his life now. He sighed, defeated before he could even register his protests.
“At least you’ll have something to show for your efforts, Gosling… Twilight and I have to stand upon the grand staircase and shake hooves for hours. I’ll be limping for weeks and I’ll have cramps in my face from all that forced smiling that will last for days. Days of face cramps. It is my sincere hope that mischief breaks out. I’ve invited all manner of troublemakers with the hopes that everything goes spectacularly wrong.”
“That seems counterproductive—”
“Gosling, when you live as long as I have, you hope for a little mischief to break up the tedium. Already, the owners of several novelty shops have reported to me that there has been increased sales in magical candies, the gassy kind in particular and this should be a memorable school gala by the looks of things. Now, go drink that potion. I want to see those wings of yours, because I’m in need of distraction. Hop to it, Gosling.”
With a sigh of resignation, Gosling moved to obey the bidding of his beloved princess…