//------------------------------// // Al Madrigal 2 (rough draft) // Story: The Daily Show presents: Equestrian Interviews // by Daily Show Ponies //------------------------------// “Welcome back to the Daily Show!” Jon announced as the camera’s zoomed in on him. “Our own Al Madrigal has been in Equestria the past couple of days doing a report on security. His final day was spent filling this report.” Like before the screen went back only to quickly return. This time the footage depicted rolling green hills and a large amounts of mountains in the background, all of which were lightly blanketed with Snow. Banking to the left it was revealed that a new castle was in sight, a castle located in the middle of the town and, from the looks of things, was comprised of diamond. Quickly the camera shifted to show Al trouncing his way down a paved road that was located inside the city. Based on his movement and the look on his face he looked very flustered and possibly annoyed. This was confirmed by his tone when the overdub started. Okay, okay let’s just get this over with! Imagine if you will a kingdom filled with with copious amounts of natural beauties, pristine environments, and a community that will always be there to lend a helping whatever. ” Al said hurriedly and with a level of enthusiams that showed he didn’t care at this point. The camera, instead of depicting the many beautiful scenery around town, showed Al dragging himself around a corner and up to a castle. “A kingdom of... shinny stuff and and... shiny people doing... stuff.. A Kingdom were nothing could go wrong. Yeah well look no further cause this is the Crystal Empire. Where all your dreams can come true and yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah aaaaand... yeah I thought so.” At first there was just black which lead some viewers to believe there was another scene transition. But as soon as the camera zoomed out to get a better view it was revealed that the black was actually remnants of black smaug as an ominous figured loomed over the Crystal Empire. At the peak of the shadowy figure a head took form to reveal it to be King Sombra. His attempts to breach the outer parameter causing a panic within the city.  With a long and drawn out sigh Al began his monologue once again. ”During my second day in Equestria I traveled to a completely different Kingdom all together to continue my report. It was there that I got the chance to speak with their leader Princess Cadence to get her-- okay you know what let’s just skip this part you know the rest.” Al groaned as the onscreen version of himself threw his notes over his shoulder and just began to address his guest in the royal chambers of the Crystal Kingdom. “Okay I got a train to catch back to Ponyville in about an hour so let’s make this quick.” Al began with Cadance looking not insulted but rather nonplused. “So what’s your deal? Is your Kingdom always under attack by monsters too? Do you even have an army or what? I mean what are the chances we get attacked right now during this interview and how on a scale of one to ten how fucked am I sitting here next to you.” The camera switched to show Cadance a few seconds ahead to create the illusion that she was ready to answer right away after the audience was done laughing. “Actually you are in one of the safest places in all of Equestria.” She answered after clearing her throat. “The Crystal Kingdom only recently returned from obscurity but in it’s heyday it was considered one of the most protected Kingdoms in the entire world. And with it’s recent additions it’s only gotten stronger.” Just just like I expe-- hold on... what? “Excuse me?” Al asked peeking over the sandbag barricade he had created for protection while wearing a army style helmet. “It’s true. Because of our strategic location, which mostly benefits from harsh climates a surrounded parameter of mountain terrain and clear field for proper scouting, our Kingdom can hold it’s own from a direct attack which only happen...” Cadance said her voice lowering as the camera transitioned to later on in the interview. “... and then there’s our Military. Our own army is properly trained in the art of combat and is equipped with state of the art weaponry and armour constructed from the same material as our Castle. The Crystal Empire is called that for a reason. The substance that make up our Kingdom is harder than diamond which make for a good defensive measure against...” Like before her voice faded as the footage jumped ahead to a further point in her explanation. But not before quickly depicting Al now properly back in his chair with a wide opened mouth as he marveled at everything that was being told unto him. “... Which is why we’ve done so well thus far. And while I don’t want to come off as bragging I am a Princess Alicorn and with that comes a certain degree of skill. Growing up I trained under Celestia and have learned magic from both her, her sister, and skilled Unicorn Clerics. My signature spell is being able to construct almost impenetrable magic shields with massive radiance so in terms of protection I can hold down the fort so to speak. ” She continued. “I myself was instrumental in the defeat of Queen Chrysalis and Sombra, and Tirek so I know my way around a villain or two. My husband, who had been by my side for quite some time, as roughly the same experience I do but at the same time had the added bonus of being a high ranking army general with a mastery of wartime measures and tactics. He’s the one in charge of training our current military.” ”Okay! No where getting somwhere!” “This... is what I’m talking about!” Al proclaimed looking overjoyed with himself as he leaned in and placed the flat of his hand against his mouth like he was trying to whisper. “Because between you and me Cadance, I have been all over Equestria to towns like Ponville and Canterlot to do a report on national security and I gotta say... those places are death traps compared to your place.” “I wouldn't put it that way! I’ve been to these places and they’re all quite lovely. The fact that they’ve had some issues in the past doesn’t make them any less capable of protecting their people than we are.” Cadance advised looking to the side as if she could see far enough to get a view of the town in discussion. “Don’t forget that region is the capital of Equestria... part of their strength comes from the fact that very able bodies princesses live there.” “Yeah but who's the one who blasted Chrysalis’ ass all the way back to her world?” Al asked. Candance can kick ass “Me and my husband.” Cadance answered trying her best to not seem overly proud of the fact. “And you guys also defeated Sombra when he tried to retake the kingdom.” Al reminded giddily as he quickly picked his notes back up from the floor. “So tell me how’d you do it!? Seal him away with your magic? Had your army overpower him!? Tactical laser strike from space!? C’mon give me details!” Before answering Cadance affordable herself a small window of time to chuckle to herself before answering. She somehwat knew how these things went and wanted to draw things out a little. “Actually... would you believe a dragon defeated Sombra?” She asked with a charismatic smile. “That’s awesome!” Al bellowed as he threw the papers in the air like confetti. “So is this dragon like your guardian or something? Does he fly around surveying your land ready to strike when evil rears it’s head!? Or, or, or, or you summon him with a magic spell-- OH WAIT I GOT IT! You’re the dragon and every full moon you transform into it.” “Your way off I’m sorry to say. You might’ve already met him when he came to your boss’ studio.” She hinted. “It was Spike who did it.” “Spike?” Al repeated disbelievingly. “The short little guy who doesn’t even have wings and has a crush on Rarity?” “Uuuuum... isn’t that last bit of info supposed to be a secret?” Cadance asked. “Don’t worry we can edit that out.” Al stated before turning to face directly into the camera to shake his head and motion with his hand for them to keep rolling. “But yet it was spike who ultimately defeated Sombra.” she continued. “During his attempt to take over I and myself husband tried to keep him at bay long for Twilight to get rid of him by using our most sacred of items the Crystal Heart. But when she was unable to Spike used it himself, dealing the final blow.” “Ah, here we go, a cute little dragon used a magical heart made of crystal to defeat the bad guy” Al summed up in a patronizing tone. “Let me guess... Sombra only got banished just like last time and he’ll just come back for revenge at some point in the future. Gotta keep things PG, right?” “Not exactly. I don’t think we’ll be seeing him again anytime soon.” Cadance began. “The Crystal Heart banished him in the sense that he’s now dead.” “W-what what did you say!?” he asked. “He’s dead. The power of the Crystal Heart powered by this Castle was enough to kill him. ” Cadance repeated with Al once again taken aback. “It’s sad that it had to come to that but at the very least my people rest easy knowing he won’t return.” “This is perfect!” Al proclaimed in such a high pitched squeal it made Cadence jump in her seat. “I am loving your style! You don’t take shit from no one! And here I thought everyone in this world was all ladie-dah love and tolerance through peace and whatever. Not you! Bad guy comes up to you talking smack and get someone to kill his ass!” Despite his delight and laughing from the audience Cadence was less than supportive of Al’s level of enthusiasm. She almost looked disgusted as she stood up straight and tried to find the words to explain how she felt. “I can believe... I’m sorry but I don’t feel like you should be celebrating the way you are. Don’t get me wrong I’m all for protecting my people but the fact that our hoof was forced in such a way is not something I take pride in.” she scolded. “When it comes to opposing forces it’s always best to offer peace onto our enemies. Or at the very least a show of mercy. Like we did with Discord, we may have been imprisoned on more than one occasion but he eventually turned over a new leaf.” “Yeah, you say that... but I bet if Chrysalis had attacked you here in your Kingdom you wouldn't have blasted her over the horizon like you did at Canterlot.” Al assumed. “I know how you operate. An entire army invades Canterlot? Yeah I’ll send them flying home. One guy invades MY crystal empire... he’s not allowed to live.” “I resent your accusations Mr. Madrigal. To suggest that I would act any differently in the face of adversity based on which kingdom was attacked in ridiculous!” She responded, taking a second to take a deep breathe as she held her hoof out like she was pushing all the air out of her lungs. “What you need to understand is the attack on my Kingdom and the one on Canterlot by Chrysalis were to completely different circumstances.” Now having calmed down Al leaned back in his chair rolling his eyes at the incoming lecture that he never asked for. “You see when King Sombra attacked he did so having being revived from his perpetual shadow state along with the Kingdom he once dictated over. At the time I was sent there from Canterlot to resolve this as best I could.” she continued. “Where with Chrysalis she tried to take power by marrying her way into the royal family.At the time I was a resident of Canterlot Castle so when she disguised herself as myself and went by the name Princess Cadenza mi amore the only option that would have--” ”Wait what?” Al’s overdub said over her explanation as on screen Al looked up from his notes quizzically. The camera then shifted back to Cadance still talking only to have her suddenly stop “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa hold on a second!” Al interrupted with an incredulous look on his face like he just smelled something rancid in the air. “Okay... there are two things you just said that I think need discussing.” “And that would be?” she asked, not at all knowing what he was referring to. “Well first off I just noticed something... King ‘Sombra’... Princess ‘Cadenza mi amore.’ he said in his tickets Mexican and Italian accent respectively. “What’s with the bad guys having the ethnic names?” On the part of Cadence there was no way for her to know that Alessandro Liborio Madrigal was half Mexican and half italian. She did ,know however know that back in the human world race was a sensitive issue, and issue that she knew nothing about. “O-oh I uh... I... I’m afraid I uh don’t know.” she struggled to say before regaining her composure. “To answer that... you’d have to ask them.” What followed was an awkward silence that was made all the more intense with Al just glaring at her waiting for her to say something. Eventually she did if only to move things along. “I believe you had another point you wanted to make.” she gestured for him to continue which he only did after a few more seconds of not saying anything to ramp up the awkwardness. “Yes well... before you said you used to live at Canterlot Castle.” Al reminded. “Yes I did... infact I grew up there,” she answered now having perked up at the topic of her old home town. “I only inherited this Kingdom very recently but I’m proud to now call it home.” “Riiiight but before you said that Canterlot Castle power comes from having powerful princesses.” Al reminded which made Cadance new found perkiness disappear. “So if you’re here... then doesn’t that mean Canterlot is now at a disadvantage.” Like before there was another round of silence, though not as lengthy as the previous one. “I see where you're coming from... but trust me Canterlot has nothing to worry about in regards to my departure.” Cadance assured. “There might be one less Princess at Canterlot but it’s not like they’ll fall apart without me. Celestia and Luna protected their kingdom for centuries without me so I’m sure they’ll be fine. Plus my dear friend Twilight is now a Princess and is always nearby at Ponyville to lend a hoof.” “You know what? Your right. I’m worrying over nothing.” Al said while gesturing with his hand like it was no big deal while Cadence agreed by nodding her head. “That place has plenty of Princesses flying around and hey if they’re over short they can make some new ones.” “It’s... a little more complicated than that.” Cadance commented. “Yeah but I’m sure you leaving will have absolutely no negative side effects whatsoever.” Al continued. “I mean it’s not like you took the Captain of the Canterlot Guards away from them or anything like that.” The once whimsical smile on Cadence face slowly vanished at almost the same time as Al’s when he realized why she didn’t respond with anything but failed attempts to speak. Her mouth made the movements necessary for words to form but the remained inaudible. Her inability to say anything was a tacit admission to what Al had implied which was enough for him to look horrified. It was only when the Princess was able to respond in the form of a nervous shrug of her shoulder that he lept into action. ”Oh shit!” Al’s overdub said as his on screen presences jolted from his seat just off camera only to reappear and sit back down in front of Celestia back at her office. “You guys are fucking screwed!” He told her so directly she couldn't help but chuckle to herself. “Okay not only do you guys get invaded every tuesday BUT you're short one princess AND she stole your highest ranking army officer in the process!” “Al, again, I assure you that we as kingdom are quite safe from danger,” Celestia said with bold confidence. “Our history is a long and prosperous one and while I will be the first to admit it’s been one not without it’s conflicts, we’ve always survived.” “Okay but let’s say what if you, Luna, and your army are defeated and some evil guy is trying to take over Equestria.” Al submitted for consideration. “How will your people be protected then?” “I must say that is a pretty big ‘what if,’” Celestia commented with all giving her a look for her to continued. “But as leader one most always be prepared for such scenarios to occur, I’ll grant you that.” Usually this would be the point where instead of cutting ahead the editing teams showed the interviewee struggling to come up with an answer among the many “um” and “er.” But to even Al surprise she already knew the answer. “Well... going on past experience I think in that the solution would be to call upon our greatest national treasure the Elements of Harmony.” Celestia hinted at. “And while I don’t feel it’s a particularly good idea to rely on them so heavily I must confess it is reassuring to know that Twilight and her friends are always willing and able to lend their strength to protecting all of Equestria.” Of course! How could I have forgotten about the Mane 6!?” Al’s overdubbed asked with on screen Al throwing his arms up in realization. The next shot was footage of al walking down a familiar dirt road only to turn a corner and enter the front entrance of sugar cube corner. Once insdie it was shown that all tables were pushed back in favor of only having seven chairs. One for all and the rest which were already being occupied by the Mane 6. “These 6 young mares graciously agreed to meet up with me in order to share their opinions on the growing issue of Equestria’s security. Speaking as it’s defenders.” “As the owners of the Elements of Harmony how do you six ladies feel is the best way to keep Equestria safe from Evil?” Al asked in a straightforward tone as he leaned in. Some of the mares seemed ready to answer but a few of them were glancing at each other like they were communicating via telepathy, which given the the fact that two of them were unicorns was a possibility. Al himself seemed to have noticed this since he was now squinting his eyes and glaring at their unwillingness to answer his questions. Eventually someone did step up to speak. A pony who Al remembered as the first member of the Mane 6 to appear on the Daily Show. “To be honest we technically don’t have the elements of Harmony anymore.” Applejack revealed with Al no longer looking confused but rather terrified. Oh. “It’s true.” Commented a soft spoken Pegasus who Al also knew to be Fluttershy. “We um... we gave it back to the tree of Harmony.” My. “It was necessary you see so that Celestia and Luna could once again be free from their ghastly imprisonment.” The proper Unicorn Rarity stated. “When we relinquished our individual elements they were set free to govern once more. And to make certain that the tree wouldn’t wither away” “Yeah! That poor widdle tree got taken over by some meanie old vines!” Pinkie Pie stated. “But thanks to us we showed em who's boss!” God. “We did borrow the power the elements to go super ponies for a little while when we kicked Tirek’s butt!” Rainbow Dash informed. “But the actual elements are still in that tree thing.” “That’s right. So for the time being we are in fact, without our legendary artifacts. But if it’s alright with you I’d still very much like to answer your question on Equestrian Security.” Twilight said, a nearby book ready to open with her magic. “I’ve actually been reading up on this topic and I find that a properly maintained defensive measure in the form of--” The sound of Al’s chair crashing to the ground interrupted Twilight, but it was the sight of Al running as fast as he could towards the door and which made her stop talking.After a quick change of camera views viewers were now watching Al bursting out of the bakery and running down the nearest road, knocking over a couple of ponies in the process. Okaaaaay so maybe coming here to talk about security wasn’t the best idea. Constant attacks, questionable army, and now their own god-like protectors lost their powers.” Al listed in a clam and fluent voice to contrast his worried face and breathless panting as he continued to run away on screen. “You know maybe I’ve been going about this all wrong. Maybe THEY’RE the ones who could learn a thing or two from US. Hmmm how do ordinary people in the human world protect themselves from? The camera at this point just just finished following Al, allowing him to run off screen, but soon after shifted to something new. What was now being shown was footage of real life humans, each of whom were either NRA representatives or a Fox “reporter.” ”The surest way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun!” ”The founding fathers knew that their citizens would be called upon to defend their country! This is why they made the second amendment! So that we could protect ourselves! ”If man breaks into my house and threatens me I’m going to shoot him! I don’t care who he is or what he’s doing if he’s on my property I have the right to end is life!” ”More guns equals less crime! Period!” ”Five days!? But I’m angry now!” Homer simpson whined before the store clerk took his firearm away. “I’d kill you if I had my gun!” [Put video here]  http://youtu.be/xIpLd0WQKCY?t=37s Of course! The answer was in front of me the entire time!” Al’s overdub said as footage showed him running back to sugar cube corner holding a cardboard box almost as big as him. Guns! Nothing makes a community safer quite like introducing guns.” With the camera now pointed at the Mane 6 those watching got to see they’re varying degrees of concern when Al returned to the store and slammed the box in front of them as he sat back down. “Okay since you six are now powerless to help anyone you’ll need a new form of power to protect the innocent. Luckily I’ve got just just the things for you!” He said slightly out of breath as he opened the tof the container. Unceremoniously he began to grab gun after gun and practically threw them at a random pony with no regard to safety or who got which brand of firearm. Sitting back down Al nodded to himself with the camera still on him. “Okay! I think that just about does it! Now you're ready to fight crime and protect your country! The american way!” The audience laughed as the camera angle was now behind Al’s head to show each pony now holding some form of weaponry. The footage was cut slightly make it seem like they obtained each gun right away without faltering and to avoid the scene where Al gave them the actual weapons from off camera rather than the ones that were in the box Using her magic Twilight was holding a high powered sniper rifle, curiously trying to look through its scope. By the same fashion Rarity was using her magic to hold her weapon, a 6 chamber revolver, though unlike Twilight she had very little interest in it and was using her powers of levitation to keep it outstretched as if it smelled foul. Without the benefit of magic Applejack fumbled to hold onto the pump action shotgun in her hooves while Pinkie Pie had no trouble carrying a minigun to her side. Her experience with carrying her party cannon prepared her for this. Rainbow Dash was forced to sit back down rather than flying in place as she used a combination of her hooves and wings to hold a double barrel scattergun. It wasn’t that lumbersome but the one pony who had the most trouble was Fluttershy who somehow was given a crossbow rather than a more modern piece. Each friend took turns giving each other confused looked before turning back to Al once he began talking “Now isn't this much better!? Al asked without expecting an answer back. “Don’t we just feel safer already?” “Well sugarcube,” Applejack began before pausing to push Dash’s gun away since it was pointed directly at her face. “No. Not really.” “Yeah no kidding!” Dash responded. “Why would we ever need guns?” “I’m no expert...” Pinkie said while somehow mustering the strength to hold up her weapon, which weighed 150 kilograms, with one hoof.  “Buuuuut can’t these hurt ponies?” “Absolutely! The last thing we need here in Ponyville is guns!” Twilight responded. “I mean... how... how did you even get these into Eqeustria!?” “I’m Latino.” Al responded proudly. “Smuggling things across borders is in my blood.” As the crowd laughed the camera went back to the ponies to show them awkwardly (Fluttershy Especially) still trying to hold their newly acquired weapons for a few seconds before going back to Al. “Okay so from here on out whenever evil threatens the lands I want you six to use these instead.” Al explained. “Undesrtand?” “Um, exactly how the hay are we even supposed to use these things?” Rainbow Dash asked with a smug look about her. “Simple,” Al responded by grabbing a gun in his hand and gesturing off to his side while still making eye contact. “You just point and shoot!” The camera panned over to show that he was unintentionally aiming his weapon at Mr and Ms. Cake. “Not what I meant smart guy.” Rainbow Dash responded, though Al was still lost. “Ahem... if I may?” Rarity interjected. “I believe what Dear Rainbow Dash is trying to say is how are we supposed to physically operate these... armaments?” “Simple you just pull the trigger with your fin--,” Al began before stopping himself mid sentence. “Oooooooh... right.” The realization washed over Al as the Mane 6 just glared at him disapprovingly. Except for Fluttershy who, in an attempt to continuing holder her crossbow fell out of her chair and landed on the gorund with an “eep” ”Okay new idea.” “How about this... show of hooves. Who here knows someone who has hands?” Al asked. After a few seconds only two ponies raised their hooves in the air. One being Twilight and the other being Fluttershy thought hers was barely noticeable since she was still on the ground and out of the camera’s shot. “Perfect! Tell them to meet me here in five minutes.” With continued expressions of concern from the ponies the scene went black to show a long and drawn out transition. A transition that had a message which ready “five minute later.” When the scene returned audiences saw that they were in the same place as before. The camera angle was back on Al’s chair at just the right time to see him sit back down. When he adjust himself and looked forward he was moments away from speaking to his new guests only to pause when he realized who was now here. With a quick glance at this watch to make sure a full five minutes had passed he began to look around the room before looking forward again with outstretched hands and a look of disappointment. “This is it!?” Al moaned as the camera turned to show he was now sitting in front of Spike and Discord. “This all they could find?” The audience began to cheer at the newcomers. One of which was so small he had to stand in his seat and the other so big his seat looked like it was going to break under his pressure. The camera stayed on them a little longer to allow the audience time to cheer with Spike looking somewhat pensive and Discord bored out of his mind. Al was about to comment once more on the poor turn out when Spike raised his hand in the air. “Uuuum... why are we here? he asked. Al looked mortified to hear that they weren’t briefed as to why they were asked to show up but in the end had no time to answer. “Okay Screw it! I’ll fill you in later.” He said as he once again brought out his box of weapons and began to hand them out. “Here, take these. You two are now the new guardians of Equestria.” “Wait what!?” Spike said confused both at this proclamation and the fact that a pistol was just thrown at him. Discord on the other hand no longer looked bored. “So let me see if I understand you correctly?” Discord began, his words slithering out of his mouth. “You’re just giving us these devious, deadly, destructive, weapons? To keep?” “Yep.” Al said proudly. Not at all considering the dangers of giving guns to a god of evil and a baby dragon. With a stretch of both arms Discord grabbed handfuls of guns to put in his pocket while keeping one in each hand. His eyes were dilated like he just saw the sun for the first time and his smile was so wide that all of his razor sharp fangs were in full display. Spike on the other hand was not as enthusiastic. “Um are you sure it’s okay for us to have these?” Spike asked now holding his own piece which barely fit in his hand. “I mean... aren’t there laws that say you like... I don’t know, need a permit to have one? I don’t wanna hurt anypony.” “Don’t worry about that. Besides you should be used to hurting other by now.” Al commented. “You did afterall kill King Sombra with the Crystal heart.” “I did what!” Spike gasped dropping his handgun on the ground before Discord reached over and took it for himself. “I... I killed King Sombra!... B-but Twilight told me I just made him go away.” “Nope; she lied.” Al responded. “He’s dead.” This information was dramatic enough to make the now wayward dragon fall down in his seat, while Discord helped himself to another helping of guns. WIth Spike looking petrified in place Al took this moment to reach over and shove another gun into his stomach for him to grab, snapping him out of his shocked stupor before implications of his actions could fully set in. “Also don’t worry about Firearm regulations,” he continued. “Since guns doesn't exist here in Equestria there are no laws restricting them. There’s literally no rules here that says you can't have one.” “No rules you say?” Discord chimed in as he happily cocked his gun to load a bullet into the chamber with another toothy grin. “I like the sound of that.” ”On second thought,” Al’s overdub said as the camera shifted to show Discord holding a gun in each hand and one by his tail while Spike closed one eye to look down the barrel of his own pistol. “I think I can work with this.” For the final time the screen faded to black for several seconds leaving some to believe that the report had ended. It was only when Al’s overdub returned that viewers realized what was next. ”In a world filled with uncertainty and chaos there lies the simple town of Ponyville. A town that may seem like a nice place to visit... but you wouldn't want to live there!” Al said in a dramatic tone as quick flashes of pictures show ponies getting mugged or kidnapped. “A town where danger lurks around every corner and the innocent are in constant fear for the lives. This town needs a beacon of life, a hero, a symbol they can hold onto... what they need... IS SPIKE AND THE DISCORD!” Without warning loud Disco music began to play as the audience cheered when an explosion erupted on screen to reveal Spike and Discord riding down the ponyville streets in a 1979 Cadillac Eldorado. Both of them wore suits with leather jackets and hid their faces behind aviator classes. But while Discord had an afro three times the size of his own body Spike has a 70’s style porno mustache and toothpick in his mouth. The two of them rode down the surprisingly empty streets of ponyville as the disco music played at just a low enough level that one could hear Al’s overdubbing. “Meet Spike and the Discord! A pair of beat cops who patrol the harsh streets of Ponyville, keeping her safe from the scum that infest it!” Al said as the pair turned on their sirens. “One is a hero among the crystal people and the other is a former criminal turned good. These two do whatever it takes to bring in their man! Because when it comes to Spike and the Discord... they don’t play by rules!” “Over here on your left!” Discord pointed. “I’m on it partner!” Spike responded as the car came to a screeching halt to the side of road where Rarity was in the middle of being mugged for her purse. “Help, help!” Rarity shrieked with one hoof on her purse and the other across her forehead dramatically. “Won’t somepony please help me!” “Hand over the goods and no pony needs to get hurt!” The mugger, who was obviously Rainbow Dash in a ski mask, said as both Spike and Discord ran up to her while aiming their guns. This finally got her attention which allowed Rarity to snag her purse back. “Gasp! It’s Spike and the Discord!” “That’s right Painbow Smash!” Discord proclaimed as he aimed his gun. “Now come along quietly and maybe we won't rough you up back at the station.” “You’ll never take me alive!” Dash said as she arched her back and spread her wings. “Don’t me us have to use lethal force!” Spike warned. But it was too late as she was now airborne. “She’s resisting arrest! FIRE AT WILL!” With the command now given the buddy cop duo began to fire wildly into the air with sound and and camera effects so fake and cheesy it wouldn't fool a toddler. Eventually one of the “bullets” found it’s target, hiding Rainbow Dash right in the flank causing her to explode mid air in a blast of fire that was as fake as the gun shots. Despite witnessing her gruesome death Rarity was overjoyed by this. “Oh thank you, thank you Spike and the Discord!” She said, leaning over to peck spike on the cheek. “You're my hero!” “All in a days work ma'am.” Spike said as he opened the door to his cadillac, hopped on his kiddy chair and drove away off screen which also acted as a transition to another part of Ponyville . This time the scene opened with the Ponyville Bank’s alarm going off as a getaway wagon was parked outside was being filled with bags upon bags of money. The robbery in question being carried out by Twilight and Pinkie Pie who doubled as the getaway pony who would pull the cart. In between throwing bags of money into the cart Twilight multitasked by firing shots of magic at Spike and Disord’s parked car which they were ducked behind for cover. Everytime either of them tried to peak over to see they would almost get hit with a bolt of magic. Discord himself already had three gaping holes in his afro. “Discord cover me!” Spike demanded. “I’m sorry Spike but... I can’t,” He responded. “I’m three weeks away from retirement.” Suddenly the firing stopped as Twilight was now trying to coax Pinkie, who was trying to use some of the stolen money to buy a donut from a local vender, into pulling the cart away so they could escape. Seizing the opportunity Spike fired a single shot at the cart’s back wheel which, despite the fact that it was just an ordinary cart, resulted in it exploding in a blaze of cheap effects. Only the donut vender survived. “Son of a bitch.” Discord commented as he approached Spike from behind and slowly took of his glasses. “You're a loose cannon Spike!... but your a damn good cop.” And with that another transition swept the screen with the two of them in front of Sweet Apple Acres where the apple family was being held hostage by the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Applebloom wasn’t entirely sure which side she was on in this scenario. “We ain't coming out no matter what, you pigs!” Scootaloo yelled from one of the open windows that showed Applejack, Granny Smith, and Bic Mac tied up in the living room. “Take another step closer and the old one gets it!” “Yeah that’s right!” Sweetie Belle screamed along side her accomplice. “We’ll only nagiciate when we get a private one way balloon trip to the--” Before she could finish both Spike and Discord, apparently fed up with their talking, open fired at the barn with seemingly regard for what they hit, resulting in a predictable outcome. Like before there was an explosion, followed by another, then another until the entire farm was covered in cheap lighting effects. A final explosion acted as the next transition which had the two rogue comps in a dark office, illuminated by a single flickering lamp. Both Spike and Discord sat in chairs with uncaring looks as their police chief, played by Al himself, slammed on the desk as he yelled at the two of them. Scaring his desk assistant Fluttershy in the process “What the hell were you two thinking!? UGH! The mayor’s gonna be all over my ass for this!” Al roared as Spike flicked his toothpick to the side and Discord took away his own ears so he wouldn't have to listen this lecture. “That’s the third time this week you two geniuses blew up Applejack's house! It’ll take them minutes to raise that barn!” “Are we done here?” Spike asked. “I got IMPORTANT things that need doing.” “You're on thin Ice Spikezowsky! Having you and your partner on the payroll is more of a liability than the it’s worth!” Al exclaimed. “Why, I have half a mind to take your badges right here right now.” “Then why don’t you!” Discord asked as he leaned back in his chair and threw his legs on Al’s desk. “I would but... I made a promise to your sister years ago.” Al replied as he swatted his feet back onto the ground. “And besides... you two may be crazy sons of bitches... but dammit if you don’t get results. I’m giving you one last chance... here are your badges and guns back... but remember... one more screw up and it’s back to parking meter duties for the two of you!” Getting up from their seats the two cops pick up their badges and their trusty guns. A vintage ruger service six series for spike and a Beretta 70S, pump action shotgun, industrial sized flamethrower complete with backpack for storing fuel, military grade rocket launcher, a modified 3rd series party cannon, a really big rock, an AK47 assault rifle, and a slingshot. “We won’t let you down chief!” Both cops said in unison. “I know you wont.” Al said as he shook both their hands. “Now go out there and make me proud.” To put emphasis on their agreement all three police officers jump into the air and scream “yeah!” before freeze framing mid jump. And there they remained till another explosion erupted on screen followed by the return of the disco music which accompanied the title card which read “Spike and the Discord.” ”Will our heroes keep their jobs? Will Applejack raise a new barn in time for another harvest? Will Pinkie Pie ever eat that donut?” Al’s overdub asked. “To find out tune in next week for another thrilling episode of... SPIKE AND THE DISCORD! Only on HBO.” The crowd at Daily Show headquarters rose to their feet and cheered as loudly as they could when the camera finally went back to Jon who was sitting at his desk trying not to laugh. “Thanks for the report.” He said before rearranging his notes and pointing to his side. “Al Madrigal everybody! We’ll be right back!” By this time the crowd was still cheering and applauding form the report so when the camera panned out they’re only option was to intensify their price before the show cut to black to make way for another commercial break.