Out of all the shows that had lasting runs on Comedy Central, Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show was an interesting case of what happens when creative control is, for the most part, given to the host rather than those who finance it.
It was shown early on that when Jon and his writers were given free range to talk about what they wanted, invite whoever they wanted, and hire whoever they wanted, the show reflected that creative control with quality content.
Of course, Jon would get suggestions from fans and higher-ups alike about how the program should move in terms of what issues to cover or what generally needed to be done, and in that respect Jon was always willing to play both aisles and hear them out. But, in the end, he had final say- in theory, at least.
Lately, however, Jon felt as if his input on who he should interview from Equestria was akin to throwing a dart at a wall and seeing whose name it landed on.
Between ponies literally barging their way into his house and him having to pick an Equestrian citizen at the last minute- sometimes at the behest of someone else or because he was in need of a guest slot- he was starting to feel like he didn’t have much control in terms of who appeared on his show.
As Jon sat in his office space mulling over the subject, he found himself questioning how much having the final say counted for. He was hard pressed to remember the last time he sat down and decided on a guest he wanted because he thought it was interesting and not because the universe had created a scenario that made him chose a guest through a reactionary impulse.
Iron Will got on the show because his kids unintentionally gave him the idea. Luna got on his show as a thank you for saving his life. Fancy Pants got on the show because he got drunk.
But dammit, today that all changes! Jon thought as he grabbed his list of pony names and began to look them over. Today was the day that Jon decided, of his own free will and sound mind, who he wanted to appear on his show. Him! And no one else.
And yet, as he glossed over the seemingly endless list of names (some of whom had notes scribbled nearby), he realized just how impossible a task this seemed. This was actually harder than he thought.
Indeed, the more he looked over the countless options that were laid before him, the more he struggled to come to a decision.
He even found a traitorous part of himself wishing the decision would again be made for him.
The last few Equestrian guests who had the honor of appearing on his show were some of the most interesting and widely viewed episodes to date.
It started when fans voted Lyra- and, by extension, her mate Bon Bon- to appear, making them the first dual pony interview to date. From there, the stakes only got higher when the next Equestrian Interview boasted an unprecedented three ponies in the form of the Cutie Mark Crusaders who had snuck their way into his world. By what Jon had heard, they were still grounded.
The next example was the black sheep of his roster of interviewees, and if there was any phrase to describe post-reformation Discord, God of Chaos, it would definitely be “black sheep.” His interview may not have been televised- it having occurred only within Jon’s mind after Discord skulked his way in for his own amusement- yet all the same it was certainly something he’d never forget.
And while only the two of them saw it happen, there was no doubt that his involvement lead to the interview of Fluttershy, which in itself ended up being quite the show stopper. She may not have had the confidence or on-screen presence as her colleagues, but she was a member of Mane Six which brought with it a certain degree of popularity. Which was only heightened once people saw what a kind and thoughtful figure she was.
Whenever Jon had someone who was a member of The Elements of Harmony on his show his ratings would escalate, and the epithetical Fluttershy was no exception.
And therein lied the problem.
Jon was scheduled for yet another long break and he didn’t want to leave his audience with a case of interview blue balls; he wanted the last show before his return to be as memorable as possible, and the only way to do so was to top the all-star roster of guests he had created the past couple of episodes. Again, harder than he thought.
Asking for help was an option he quickly discarded as he wanted to make this decision for himself. He was so desperate to put on a show good enough to go out on he even considered having a re-interview, but discarded that idea as well as a cheap cop-out.
All he wanted was a normal interview. Just him and one pony talking normally with no tricks or gimmicks with a screen presence that could outshine several interviews put together and was decent enough to end the show on before returning from his break.
The task was driving him to frustration. But then, out of nowhere, it hit him.
Bursting from his desk, Jon ran to the other side of his office where his jacket was hanging on a coat rack. He was so excited that his hand dove into the wrong pocket, but after a quick repositioning he retrieved his trusted phone and speed dialed the only person he knew who could make this happen.
Pacing back and forth, he waited and waited as the ringing went on for what seemed like an ungodly amount of time. Jon continued to wait where most others would have hung up, knowing the only person on the line would answer in due time. And that she did.
“Hello Jon,” Celestia finally answered. “Sorry it took so long, I had to excuse myself from a meeting.”
“Oh… I’m sorry if I’m keeping you,” Jon said out of sympathy, even though he knew how she’d react.
“Not to worry, I always have time for you... it wasn’t that important anyway, I assure you,” she said almost word for word for what Jon predicted she’d say. “Now then, how might I help you?”
As excited as he was, Jon didn’t want to jump right into his request. He prided himself on being the kind of boss he always wished he worked for when he was a young man, and as such he always tried to be more approachable and easy to talk to. He wasn’t the type to get down to business, but rather to lead into things with friendly banter.
Especially with friends like Celestia who he kept near and dear to his heart.
“Well, you can help me by telling me how ya been,” he said. “I feel like I haven’t spoken to you in ages. How’s the whole being princess thing treating you?”
After a slight chuckle, there was some shifting noise and the sound of her voice was much clearer, indicating his friend was moving to a new room to continue their conversation.
“I’ve been great actually, thank you very much for asking,” Celestia cheerfully stated. “Things have been quiet around the Kingdom, so much so that I’ve actually caught up on TV shows I’ve missed out on lately, including old episodes of The Daily Show.”
“Yeah, well, welcome to my world!” Jon replied. “My job is to make fun of people. I do nothing but watch other people’s shows.”
“Yes, I’ve noticed. You’ve been doing quite well as of late, if you don’t mind me saying,” she continued. “I particularly enjoyed your interview with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. It’s not every day I get to see YOU being the one interviewed.”
“Yeah, that was… interesting,” Jon said noncommittally. “But at least the fans liked it. Tracey saw it and it’s now her favorite episode.”
“Mine as well!” Celestia added. “I was as surprised as you when they asked you to switch.”
“Didn’t see that one coming,” Jon commented. “Honestly, really didn't see any of them coming, actually.”
“I am sorry about that,” Celestia said, picking up on Jon’s hint. “I promise you, from here on out nopony will slip by me again!”
“Eh, don’t worry, it wasn’t all bad. Least we got a great episode out of it, I suppose,” he assured her. “But again, don’t beat yourself up over this. I know those three and honestly they can be very tricky. Still… to sneak their way past someone like you!... Ya gotta give those little ankle biters props for that.”
In an effort to make light of Celestia’s error, and to convince her that there were no hard feelings, Jon gave his friend a hearty laugh. But, to his curiosity, Celestia did not join him. Instead, there was a silence on the phone all save for some light breathing from the royal pony which indicated that the line wasn’t dropped.
“Hello? Celestia?” Jon called out. “You still there?”
“Yes. Yes I am… and I’m afraid I must confess to something,” she began. “I haven’t been entirely truthful with you.”
This sudden seriousness was exactly what Jon was trying to avoid. He remained quiet as his friend took a deep breath and then continued.
“Applebloom and her friends didn’t sneak it. I actually allowed them into your world,” she admitted. “Knowing full well what their intentions were.”
“I… what?” Jon could only say, his tone of voice full of shock and confusion.
“I’m sorry! I know it was an underhanded thing for me to do, and I honestly didn’t think you’d actually let them on your program,” she said. “I was fully expecting you to send them home, but… well, you do have a way of surprising me.”
So many questions ran through Jon’s mind. He decided to ask the first one that had popped into his head.
“If… if that’s the case… if you sent them over on purpose, why didn’t they tell me this?” Jon asked.
“That would be because they didn’t know I was aware of their plan. When the package containing the three fillies was given to me it was quite obvious what they were doing,” Celestia revealed. “At the time, they were quite restless, moving and twitching around so I knew something was inside. It was only when they started talking to each other that I learned what was going on.”
With an audible slap, Jon threw his hand across his face.
“When I got the package, they were whispering to one another in a tone they thought was low enough that nopony would hear. They even revealed each other’s names during the process. At one point, young Scootaloo was complaining that Sweetie Belle’s hoof was in her face,” Celestia continued with Jon sliding his hand across his face and over his head. “Also, you didn’t see it because I cleaned the box up a touch, but they had sealed their package up with stickers. I thought the entire idea was too adorable to break up, so I played along. After you called me back I explained to their sisters what was happening and they agreed to it.”
With a deep breath, Jon once again slapped himself across the face for ever thinking that three little ponies had the tactical skills necessary to pull one over on a god. He honestly didn’t even for a moment conceive Celestia had done this on purpose.
Looking back, however, he should have known better… Celestia certainly thought he would.
“Again, I didn’t think you would actually go through with their plan. I was certain you’d see through my ruse,” she continued which Jon believed was her way of saying she thought he was smarter than this. “I apologize for any trouble they might have caused you while in your world. If there’s anything I could do to make it up to you please let me know.”
On that note, all self-motivation was thrown out the window. All the preparation and determination on his part to take control of his show by picking a guest not as a knee-jerk reaction but from genuine and decisive intentions were shattered.
And like the Grinch of Christmas Eve, Jon had an idea- an idea which made him smile from ear to ear as he reverted back to a childhood mentality of petty revenge against your friend for pulling a prank on you.
Jon’s target may not have changed, but his intentions certainly did.
“Well, since you offered, I would like to make a formal request,” he began in a more professional tone to mask his true desire. “As you know, my final show before my break is coming up… and I would like that show to be an installment of Equestrian Interviews.”
“My, how wonderful,” Celestia commented with such genuine enthusiasm Jon couldn't help but smile. “I’m guessing you already have somepony in mind.”
“That’s right!” Jon confirmed.
“Excellent! So… who's the lucky pony you want on your show?”
The silence that followed was purposefully made on Jon’s part for dramatic tension.
“You,” he answered, now ready to cash in a certain favor.
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When it came to who got to appear as a guest on The Daily Show, there was always an established hierarchy which, more often than not, directly correlated to how much screen time a person was allowed to have.
If you weren’t well known, or if what you were scheduled to talk about wasn’t particularly interesting (the common example of which being if they were promoting a new show but instead of the guest being the star they were the producer), you were only allocated the regular amount of time during the show’s third and final segment.
However, if you were famous, things were different.
When it came to guests who were celebrities or just well known individuals, they got to stay longer and, depending on how engaging they are with the host, their appearance might be made longer yet. For famous interviewees, there was a wide range of timeframes to fit that particular guest; a basic rule of thumb being the more famous you were the longer you got to stay. (One notable exception to this rule was when the guest had a political view that was polar to Jon’s, in which case they would argue as long as possible.)
If you were just somewhat famous you might get a longer than average third segment interview, with the first and second being scaled back a bit. If you were really famous you got to stay the extended third segment, as well as being offered the chance to stay after the show for the web portion. And if you were extremely famous you got two segments all to yourself, the second and the third.
But then there were those whose fame was so recognized by people worldwide that they were almost godlike in appearance. Such examples included movie celebrities the day after their big oscar win, or former and current U.S. presidents. These guests were so well known and important that they only got the normal eight minutes during the third segment.
One might wonder why such little time, and the reason was that said guest would often be so important that they couldn't stay for long. Chances are they had to get back to whatever important projects they had going, or in some cases had to make a plane flight to appear on another television show.
There were, of course, other circumstances and variables that affected how long someone stayed. Sometimes a guest no one knew about got to stay as long as a more recognized person because they had a certain topic that Jon felt worth discussing. Or perhaps a guest was some kind of refugee from another country, or a representative of a charity with a message that the world needed to hear.
In short, the decision of how deserving a person was of precious screen time was one that was carried out with absolute precision.
And when it came to Celestia, Jon wanted to spare no expense for his friend and business partner. When he asked Celestia to join him for an interview, she immediately agreed, which prompted Jon to excitedly share with her the plans for her arrival.
The studio’s stage was to be redone to look like her throne room, including the seat she was to sit in being a thrown rather than an ordinary swivel chair, and she’d get a personalized gift basket complete with only the finest cakes from around the world.
Instead of waiting in the spare changing room, Jon wanted to have her stay at the fanciest hotel in New York where she would be pampered before getting a limo ride to the studio and be greeted by adoring fans. And once she’d entered the building and made her way to the stage, the theme music to accompany her would be “God Save the Queen” performed live by the New York Philharmonic Orchestra.
Jon had so many ideas for this most special of episodes that as he was detailing the plan to Celestia he was simultaneously writing down new ideas that came to him along the way. Some such ideas included getting advertisement in Time Square and even the possibility of making this a longer pay per view event of some kind.
All these ideas were at once dismissed by Celestia, who explained that she didn’t want any special treatment just because she was a princess. All she wanted was a nice little one-on-one conversation with her friend, the same way other ponies from her kingdom before her had. No little, no less; she wanted to be treated like everyone else.
Much debate was had between the two over whether this was the best way to handle her debut, which continued until it was hinted by Celestia that she might reconsider showing up if Jon went overboard, at which point Jon conceded.
But, unlike, say, modern politicians, the two eventually compromised on a solution. Not only would Celestia’s interview span across two segments as well as an extended portion afterwards for the internet, the first segment would be slightly cut to allow her a longer interview. This extra time was allowed only if Jon forgoed all the bells and whistles he had previously suggested.
It didn’t feel right to Jon that someone as influential as Celestia didn’t get the recognition she deserved. All the same, he was content knowing that it made her happy… though that didn’t stop him from adding a few extra mini-snickers bars in the candy bowl by her dressing room mirror.
With the ever faithful Daily Show logo making its way onto the center of the screen, after stock footage of the busy New York streets played for a few seconds, the camera zoomed in on Jon sitting at his desk.
The sound of cheering was so intense this time around that the sound engineers on staff had to work extra hard to make sure that the volume wasn’t intense enough to cause any unwanted audio feedback or block out the sound of Jon speaking. To show how used to this he was, Jon decided not to address the camera right away, instead pretending to write down in his notes in order to allow the audience time to calm themselves.
Usually when it came to the third segment, Jon would jump right to introductions, sometimes having to yell over the cheering of the crowd, but in this case he was willing to give the audience a moment to silence themselves.
In this installment of Equestrian Interviews, he knew he had all the time in the world.
Eventually, the crowd’s cheering, though still continuing and loud, was at a level low enough that Jon could speak over them. And began he did-- despite his attempts to look as casual as possible, he couldn't hold back his excitement, or the ever growing smile painted across his face.
“Hey, welcome back to The Daily Show, our guest tonight!” Jon yelled as he threw a sheet of paper into the air and off camera. “You guys are in for a treat because we’ve got a very, very special guest tonight! She is the head princess at Canterlot Castle, the high ruler of Equestria, the most powerful being… and god of all ponies.”
“Meanwhile, it takes me 15 minutes to get a single refill at the deli on 5th avenue,” Jon said as he shook his head while the crowd laughed at his apparent dismay. “Please welcome to the show… the ever wonderful Princess Celestia!”
Without hesitation, the crowd cheered with inestimable vigor as the camera did a quick transition to show Celestia gracefully making her way onto the stage. Jon was tempted to sneak in some overly dramatic music to accompany her walk, though refrained as he promised her that he’d keep things simple.
Although Celestia was not much taller than a normal sized human adult, most audiences marveled at her size. A majority of them had seen ponies from Equestria before, so they knew this creature was much larger than the average equine.
One of the annoyances that was faced early on when dealing with Equestrian citizens was the cameraman having to zoom in to get a good look at the guest only to zoom back out when they were side by side with the much larger Jon. With Celestia however, they thankfully found themselves able to keep the camera at a constant, steady level when Jon met her halfway on stage for an embrace.
The cheering from the crowd only grew to a level Jon thought to be impossible as he wrapped his arms around Celestia’s neck, whereupon she responded by arching her wings around him. Her wingspan was so massive that Jon almost disappeared from sight, though soon he became visible again and the two friends stood side by side on the stage, taking turns waving at a random guest, all the while each having an arm- or foreleg- around the other in a show of solidarity.
Jon remained in no hurry to get things started, but after the fourth stagehand began to wave to him to sit down, Jon finally obliged by ushering his guest over to her side of the table where she sat down.
Following close behind, Jon rounded his desk and sat in his chair, upon which he started clapping in quick applause to show that he, like his audience, was thrilled to have her. This caused the audience to again pick up in volume before dying down at the behest of Jon who finally began to speak.
“I think… I think I speak for everyone in-- not just here in New York… but for everyone all over the world when I say this,” Jon began before pausing for dramatic effect. “Princess Celestia, welcome to The Daily Show.”
Opening her mouth to speak, Celestia was cut off by the sound of more cheering, which quickly died down after it was clear that she wanted to reply. Though, she waited a few seconds before doing so.
“Thank you very much for having me here today, Jon,” Celestia said as she shifted her weight to get in close. “But, before we begin, I feel I must address something.”
“O-oh no, what’s the matter?” Jon asked in the most forced nervous voice ever conceived. “I-is everything alright!? Just tell-- just tell me what it is you want and I’ll do my absolute best... to accommodate?”
A few audience members chuckled, but it wasn’t until Celestia shook her head, trying not to laugh, that a more gradual wave a laughter ensued.
“Jon,” she sighed while pursing her lips to hold back a laugh of her own. “I know what you're doing.”
“Why princess,” Jon gasped. “Whatever do you mean?”
“Jon… no,” Celestia demanded. “You stop that.”
“Stop what?” Jon smirked. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, your Royal Highness.”
“No!” she emphasized.
“W-what I do?!” Jon asked, smiling.
“I want you to stop what you’re doing,” she continued. “Please stop treating me as if I’m more important than anypony else just because I’m a princess.”
“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Jon maintained as he reached under his desk to pull out what looked like a golden chalice encrusted with many jewels and swiftly switched Celestia’s bland ‘Daily Show’ mug with it. “I simply wish to praise thee.”
This in itself was not as funny as what followed. The camera then panned back a bit to reveal two very muscular men in very revealing Egyptian costumes storm their way on stage, each with a giant banana leaf. Without saying a word, they positioned themselves on either side of Celestia and began to fan her as Jon tore off the front of his suit to reveal he was wearing a tuxedo- but not before reaching under his desk again to pull out a silver platter decorated with chocolates and cakes.
“Can I offer you a confectionery delight?” Jon asked with Celestia covering her face with her front hooves both in embarrassment and to hide the fact that she was already laughing.
The crowd was split down the middle, with half the audience cheering as they had before and the other half shrieking and hollering at the sight of half naked men on stage. Jon had prepared this to every last detail, including the part where every time Celestia looked up from her hooves she found herself at eye level with each man’s crotch.
To help ease away from the distraction, and much to the dismay of most ladies in attendance, Celestia threw her wings out to cover up the fanning boys. Appearing disappointed but still fairly amused, Celestia just stared at Jon who was still offering her a decadent treat.
“Jon, you promised!” Celestia reminded as the host balanced between laughing, holding out the tray, and using his free hand to motion for the two gentlemen to go backstage.
“I’m… I’m sorry!” Jon apologized in-between bursts of laughter. “Okay… okay, okay, I’ll stop… but, just one thing… one thing.”
“... And that would be?” Celestia asked while trying to remain composed.
Taking a fork off the tray, Jon scooped up a bit of cake and slowly extended his arm towards her.
“Just take a bite,” he offered. “Just one bite.”
Her decision was already made for her in the form of the crowd cheering her to do so in a bout of classic Daily Show peer pressuring. Their voices escalated as Celestia used her magic to have the fork hover over to her face where she took one single bite. Satisfied, Jon sat back down and placed the tray of confectionaries back under his desk with Celestia having just swallowed her offered portions.
The crowd applauded her as she used her magic to send the fork back to Jon where he quickly disposed of his, before applauding the guest of the night himself. This was more or less exactly what she was trying to avoid.
“Alright Jon… if we could just withdraw with the jokes for just a moment I would like to... emphasize something with you,” Celestia announced with Jon chuckling at the idea. “I appreciate you trying to honor me the way you do but please... I would very much like if you did not treat me differently just because of my being a Princess.”
In response, Jon reached under his desk yet again to pull out an oversized statue complete with a tacky looking sculpture of Celestia’s head, which was obviously added to the top at the last minute.
“Are you saying you don’t want this trophy for best guest appearance ever?” Jon asked before quickly putting it back as the crowd chuckled.
“I’m serious, Jon!” Celestia stood firm. “I don’t want you going out of your way just for me-- even if I’m your friend. I would very much appreciate it if you were to treat me the same as any other pony who's been given the opportunity to appear on this program.”
Throwing his arms up in apparent defeat, Jon defensively backed away, only to readjust himself by scooting forward.
“So… you don’t want any special treatment?” Jon asked.
“Not at all,” Celestia affirmed.
“And you don’t want me to go easy on you?” he continued to ask.
“Absolutely not,” she answered.
“Okay then… so treat you just like anypony else?” Jon offered.
“Yes, please,” Celestia said, nodding.
“Alright then, in that case...” Jon added after clearing his throat. “Welcome to The Daily Show… Celestia.”
“It’s a pleasure, Jon,” she responded with a bow. “Thank you very much for having me.”
“No problem. And now that you’re here, let me say this…” Jon continued, “you… excuse me for saying so, but you look terrible today.”
His sudden burst of forced honesty made everyone, including Celestia, burst out laughing. Whether from being too nice or dangerously candor, Jon was determined to embarrass his friend as much as possible.
“I know, I’m just a complete mess, aren’t I?” Celestia said, playing along.
“Oh, definitely. Your wings aren’t primed, you haven’t manicured your horn, and your crown has smudges on it,” Jon continued to tease. “You’ve uh, uh, uh… y-you’ve just really let yourself go.”
Shaking his head disapprovingly, Jon noticed his guest reaching to take a drink from her chalice. Sensing his opportunity, he reached out, intercepting Celestia’s reach, and quickly went back under his desk to swap her gilded cup for the regular mug from before.
This again caused the audience to laugh, only to quickly silence themselves when Jon moved to speak again.
“But seriously… I have been… looking forward to this particular interview… f-f-for quite some time now,” Jon admitted as he motioned his hand across the table with every syllable. “Words… cannot express how uh… how happy I am that… you came here today.”
“I’m just happy you invited me,” Celestia said.
“See, this is the thing… you-- I wasn’t even sure you’d agree to come here today,” Jon revealed. “I was only half certain you’d even say yes.”
“Oh? Now why would I pass up an opportunity to spend time with a good friend?” Celestia pondered. “And on my favorite television program, no less.”
“Well… being the ruler of Equestria, I just assumed that-- I mean, uh… p-put it this way,” Jon began before leaning forward, pretending to whisper. “Don’t you have a kingdom to run?”
At this, the princess chuckled daintily, while placing her hoof across her lips as if to show the proper way for royalty to showcase amusement.
“This is true, but you forget Jon, I’ve been watching your show for quite some time,” she reminded. “And from what I’ve gathered, it’s not uncommon for high ranking officials and representatives from other nations to make an appearance. Now, if I recall correctly, the elected leader of this very nation has made an appearance; quite a few times, in fact.”
“Who, Obama? Yeeeeaaaah… but half of what he does can be done by a drone,” he countered, which had some audiences laughing while leaving others slightly groaning. “B-but anyways, that uh… I-I think that’s a… somewhat of an uneven comparison. I’m not about to just flat out say that the President’s job isn’t… uh, a big deal… but it’s nothing like what you do. I mean, for goodness sake… you’re… the leader of an entire world. You’re literally in charge of raising the sun. Uh, again, no disrespect to Mr. Obama, but I think you do more in a day than any U.S. president does in a year.”
From the start, Celestia wanted to avoid Jon gushing over her, she just didn’t think it’d happen this soon in the program.
“I thank you for your kind words, but nevertheless let me assure both you, and those watching from the comfort of their own homes, that Equestria is in good hooves at the moment,” Celestia said, nodding. “While I am absent for this occasion, I’ve temporarily relinquished my position to another pony.”
Some heard this and felt relief that the world she came from was safe without her immediate presence. Jon heard this and thought of a good joke at her expense.
“Okay, so while you’re away you’ve uh… delegated your position and responsibilities to another pony,” Jon surmised. “I… I see.” Looking at him with a raised eyebrow, Celestia couldn't help but pick up on his tone and how his voice trailed off as he avoided eye contact.
“Is there a problem?” she asked.
“Excuse me?” Jon replied in the same tone.
“It seems as though you wish to say something more,” she added.
“Oh, no, no, it’s nothing, really. It’s just, well… let’s just say I’m not surprised,” he answered. “That’s all.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” she pressed further. She knew he was setting something up, but decided to walk into it anyway.
“Weeeell… from what I heard, and granted this is just what I’ve heard,” Jon said with an awkward look on his face as he was trying his hardest to not give away his smile. ”You… um, you having others do your job for you is a fairly recurring thing that happens in Equestria.”
While the human audience did find this humorous enough to give a brief chuckle, the real laughter came from those watching in Equestria. They knew what Jon was talking about, but Celestia was still feigning ignorance.
“I’m afraid I still don’t understand,” she maintained. But she knew; and Jon knew that she did. To help her jog her memory, Jon quickly shuffled his papers to grab a specific sheet that he hadn’t doodled all over.
“Okay, well, here, I’ll… I’m going to go through a list for you and I want you to stop me when I say something that’s incorrect,” Jon proposed with Celestia nodding in agreement. “When Nightmare Moon returned it was Twilight and her friends who turned her back to Luna. When, uh, when Discord was freed it was Twilight and her friends who went and… they were the ones who imprisoned him again. When Queen Chrysalis tried to take over your… your Kingdom it was Twilight who helped Princess Cadance blast her back to her land. And um… when King Sombra attacked the Crystal Empire it was… Spike, with the help of Twilight, who ultimately defeated him. Finally, there was Tirek, who, after trying to take over the entirety of Equestria, was defeated by Twilight and her friends and sent back to Tartarus. Am I right so far?”
With a sigh, alongside some chuckling, Celestia nodded in agreement.
“So far yes, yes you are,” she said.
“Okay then, in that case, my question to you is, uh… what do you do?” he asked which was enough to get her to start properly laughing along with the audience. “Because, to me, it seems like you-- well, it seems as though you have other ponies do your work for you. I mean, hell, look at our guy Mayor Bill Deplaguio. When it was snowing here in New York our guy was outside shoveling his driveway! He certainly didn’t feel the need to call upon the armed forces to do it for him.”
“Well, Jon, defending Equestria from evil isn’t the only thing that’s expected of me,” she reminded. “My position as Princess entails many levels of incrociate political involvement and governing measures. I’m responsible for introducing short and long-term policies both in Canterlot and around Equestria which could significantly affect relationships with neighboring Kingdoms who are also--”
Before she could continue, Celestia was interrupted by Jon slinking his head like he had just passed out. He did this so his mouth would be right over the mic on his collar, allowing the sound of his snoring to be heard by everyone present.
The look on Celestia’s face as she tried to keep herself from joining the audience in laughter would have made Jon break character. But before too much time could pass he jolted upwards like he had heard a loud noise.
“Huh?! W-w-w-what is… oh, sorry, I… I dozed off for a second there,” he said, yawning as he stretched his arms before slamming them both on the table. “Come on Celestia! This is Equestria we’re talking about here! A world just… filled with magic and monsters! We want to hear the juicy stuff! They-- we want to hear about super powerful god-like creatures locked in Mortal Combat! And from what I’ve gathered… Twilight’s got you beat in that department.”
“To be fair, Jon, in some of your examples I’ve purposely inserted Twilight into the situation so as to test her. As a means for her to understand the true meaning of friendship,” she countered.
“That has got to be the most roundabout way anyone has ever recontextualized not wanting to do their job,” Jon commented. His interpretation of her decisions surprised Celestia to the point of near speechlessness. Were it anyone else, she would have felt insulted, but with Jon she knew he was just teasing her. She’d just underestimated how good at it he was; a classic mistake of many who came on his show.
“You know Jon… before Twilight I was quite adept in dealing with villainous opposition,” Celestia defended herself. “Remember, before their escape it was I who originally imprisoned Nightmare Moon, Discord, and Tirek.”
“Yeah, back in the day. But now you have Twilight and you have the option of just making her do it,” Jon countered. “Before I had kids, my wife always made me do the dishes… but now that they're old enough I just have Mags and Nate do it for me because I’m bigger than them.”
Laughter was now spreading over the audience faster than Celestia could respond.
“Did… did you just compare fighting demi-gods to household chores?!” Celestia said with a disbelieving smile across her face.
“L-let’s not get distracted by the minor details,” Jon suggested as he crossed his fingers under his chin in thought. “Okay, how ‘bout this! When was the last time Ponyville was in trouble, and, let’s be honest, that place gets attacked like… every other week… but yeah, when was the last time… Ponyville was in trouble and you directly intervened? Give me an example.”
Even though it was only for a brief few second, the fact that she had to give it some thought all but proved Jon’s point.
“There was one incident where Twilight had cast a spell causing almost every citizens to... let’s say, fall under something of an uncontrollable frenzy,” Celestia said, leaving out the finer details as they would have only given the host more fuel for teasing. “Once it was clear that my faithful student was overwhelmed, I came in to dispel the enchantment.”
“See what I mean? Twilight’s basically your kid!” Jon continued. “She made a mess of things, and you had to swoop in and bail her ass out.”
“While I do think of myself as another motherly figure to her I’m afraid the dynamic between us that you’ve painted is all wrong. I don’t pass my problems onto her so much as she’s very adept in defending her world, as is to be expected of someone who is a member of the Elements of Harmony,” Celestia explained. “When Luna returned that was a test to see if she could harness the true power of friendship. I had her defeat Discord because only the Elements were strong enough to imprison him again. I unfortunately failed to defeat Chrysalis myself and Sombra didn’t even occur in my Kingdom. And then with Tirek I didn’t fight him directly because I was fearful of the idea that if I had he would have stolen my magic. Which is why after sending Discord failed to stop him I gave my magic to Twilight for safe keeping. But had I--”
“Wait a second, let me get this straight... when it comes to Tirek instead of trying to deal with him yourself you just sent Discord to fix it, and when that didn’t work you gave your powers to Twilight and then later on she defeated him by using the Elements?” Jon surmised before pointing to his guest and gave her a wink. “Classic Celestia.”
Placing her hoof to the side of her head like she had a headache, Celestia sighed in frustration at Jon’s continuing onslaught of playful bantering. The smile was the only indicator that she was still having a good time and while she knew this was all in good jest Jon still felt the need to double down on the teasing.
“But obviously you know I’m just joking! You’re actually a wonderful and benefit leader and the... good colts and mares of Equestria are very lucky to have you as their protector!” he assured her with a gentle hand over her hoof. “So while you’re here you’ve... uh, you’ve made sure that someone else is... uh, properly running things for you with the same level of intellect and resolve. Which reminds me, who IS holding down the... the, the, the fort while you’re here?”
“That would my dearest sister Luna,” she answered. “For now, she is temporarily in charge of the kingdom.” Her answer was met with a worried look on Jon who began to look both ways nervously
“Luna?” Jon echoed. “That's who’s looking after your world?”
“Why, yes indeed,” Celestia answered proudly as Jon leaned back in his seat and studied his guest while rubbing his chin. The silence between them was a good sign that he had something planned.
“So... let me get this straight... the pony... who you once banished to the moon for trying to overthrow you and take over your kingdom... is the one you put in charge of your kingdom?” Jon asked. “You know thinking back... I’m glad you wanted me to do a lowkey interview today. Imagine if your segment was so big it got more views than Luna’s. You would outshine Luna... again.”
For some the issue of Luna’s banishment was a touchy subject that many who operate around the princesses tend to avoid. The two sisters however were comfortable with discussing and even using the events of that historical day as a lesson to others. Jon knew this and felt comfortable enough to, once again, poke fun at it, and in turn Celestia was comfortable enough to indulge him a bit.
“All I can say is... she’s better now,” Celestia said in a tone that for some reason made Jon lean back in laughter, holding one clenched hand over his mouth. “The pony who tried to overthrow me was Nightmare Moon... the pony who I have faithfully placed in charge while I’m away is my dearest sister, Luna. And from what I’ve been told she’s been doing a fantastic job so far of overseeing the Castle’s day to day assignments.”
“You know I-- speaking of which... how can she be in charge if she’s the uh, uh, uh goddess pony of the moon?“ Jon asked, pausing for a brief moment to collect his thoughts on the matter. “I mean she’s in charge of the moon, yes? And you're in charge of the sun so... so, so, is it like... perpetually night time over there or-- like what’s uh... what’s going on?”
“Ah, I understand what you're trying to say. Yes traditionally speaking she controls the moon while I control the sun. But on a purely technical level we both have magical capacity to do the other’s duties if need be.” Celestia explained. “In fact, as you know, for 1000 years Luna was exiled to the moon. When she was away I took it upon myself to perform the act of the controlling the moon’s cycle. It’s demonstrably possible for one princess to do both... it’s simply more strenuous.”
“So that’s why you wanted Twilight to purify your sister so badly,” Jon stated. “Because you wanted to lighten the workload.”
“Oh goodness, and here I thought no one would ever find out!” Celestia said while trying her hardest to not laugh too loud. Though even if she did it would’ve been drowned out by the audience.
“You know... you know I uh... I’ve... I-I’ve always wanted to ask you something about uh... about your powers,” Jon said, having to pause to give those watching from the stands the clue that he wanted to speak. “You can control the sun over in Equestria, right?”
“Indeed I can.” Celestia nodded.
“Well... could you control our sun?” Jon asked, pointing up to where he thought the sun would be stationed. What followed was a pout of silence where Celestia cocked her head to the side and staring upwards, occasionally looking to her left or right as if she was following a moving object.
The look on her face was that of uncertainty and deep thought.
“Well now, I must admit... I’ve never thought about that before,” she finally admitted. “I suppose I could probably... actually, could you give me a moment, Jon?”
“By all means,” Jon responded with a gesture of his hand. In response, Celestia’s horn glowed a banana shade of yellow as she pointed it in different directions above her. At this point, most viewers of The Daily Show had seen, in some form or another, what magic looked like coming from a pony. But even something as basic as pulsating magic from a horn still made struck them silent with awe and surprise.
Jon himself was greatly invested in what she was up to, but even with him leaning forward those watching from home didn’t notice since the camera was now zoomed in on the celestial guest. For a second, Celestia looked somewhat flustered, which was easily fixed by her intensifying the amount of magic she was outputting and moving her horn around some more. Suddenly, her head shifted to the side like a pointer dog having found its prey.
From there she slowly inched her head to the left and then to the right which made her smile and move her eyes back to Jon without moving her head.
“To answer your question of ‘Whether or not I can move your sun’ the answer is... yes,” she said with a smile. “Easily.”
“O-oh… okay… but please don’t,” Jon advised as he slowly reached forward to place a worrying hand on her hoof. “Please for the love of-- I don’t want to be known as the guy who made it so the fun got fucked up.”
With a chuckle to accompany the audiences laughing the magic on Celestia’s horn dissipated, releasing her grip on the mighty star. As much as Jon meant for that to be humourous a part of him was actually concerned. For following months whenever there was a heatwave people would “blame” The Daily Show.
“Okay! So... you can control our sun too, that’s… interesting,” Jon nervously stated, adding a gulp as he pulled against his collar.
“That’s correct. I control the sun and my dear sister controls the moon,” Celestia summed up in a chipper tone. “It’s been that way since... well, since the beginning of our world.” Jon’s attention was seized yet again.
“Another thing I’ve been meaning to ask!” Jon said with a newfound sense of excitement. “How... how was Equestria founded?”
The question hung in the air with Celestia not answering straight away as it looked as if Jon wasn’t done with his question.
“I mean... y-yeah how did Equestria... or at the very least the center region of Equestria, Canterlot, get started?” Jon asked with hand movements across the table. “I... wa-- uh, I want to know the history of your world.”
“Well Jon,” Celestia responded with what sounded like a laugh combined with a content sigh. “The history of Canterlot is a rich and detailed one... I don’t think we have enough time for me to explain exactly how we came to be.”
“Even if you stay five minutes after the show?” Jon asked sarcastically, waiting for the audience to simmer down before continuing. “Alright, alright, alright, then... uh, then give up a brief introduction. Give up the cliff notes.”
“... Very well then,” Celestia said after a taking a deep breathe. “Okay, where to start... I suppose it all beg--”
“By the way I’m going to be very disappointed if this story doesn't begin with ‘once upon a time,’” Jon interrupted, followed by a wave a laughter preventing Celestia to continue. After which inhale which later evolved into another chuckle she took a deep breath to continue to her story.
“Once upon a time... the land we know as Equestria didn’t have the amount of settlements or kingdoms, like the Crystal empire, canterlot, or even Ponville. Tribes were spread out and there wasn’t any order or even an official goverment. The Pegasus, unicorn, and Earth ponies did not live in harmony.” Celestia explained with Jon slumped over his desk in fascination. “Eventually three tribes, each representing a race of pony, found their way to the area we know today as Canterlot. Each wanted to claim the land as their own. At the same time a great blizzard, caused by restless spirits, followed them. It was only when they learned to work together and accept each other as equals did the harsh winter subside and peace was achieved.”
The more she explained the more elaborate she got as she got swept away in the story. Such elaborations including sweeping gestures with her hoof and expanding her wings high above her head. Instinctively, the camera guys had narrowed the view directly on her, a helpful indicator appeared underneath to remind those of who she was.
“With this peace achieved, the three groups of ponies worked together to maintain that harmony for many generations to come. The unicorns used their magic to create Canterlot, thus establishing the kingdom and it’s laws. The earthponies harvested the land and made it so life could flourish. It wouldn't be till much later that even more Earthponies arrived and officially requested to build a settlement which later became known as the town of Ponyville. And last but not least the Pegasi used their gift of flight to regulate the weather and establish the city in the clouds called Cloudsdale,” Celestia continued, looking proud of such accomplishments. “From their, Harmony was finally obtained and over the years the ponies spread out further and further into the land to establish other towns such as: Manehattan, Balitmare, Yanhoover, and the like. But to answer your original question, it was those original pony factions who essentially laid the groundwork for what Equestria is today.”
This would have been the time for applauding via the audience but most of them were too awestruck to even formulate a thought. Jon himself looked as if he had witnessed an explosion as he leaned back in his chair, mouth hung wide open and eyes dilated.
“You just made all that up didn’t you!?” Jon speculated which broke the silence of the studio with roaring laughter from all, including the guest.
“No! No I a-assure you it’s all very true!” Celestia urged, having to pause at one point to stop herself from laughing any further. “I know it may seem absolutely outlandish from a human point of view but it’s the truth.”
“Oh yeah, I forget who I’m talking to,” Jon said with a grin. “You we’re probably there yourself when this all happened. Why I bet you were the one who wrote this all down in the pony history brooks. Heck what am I on about... you were probably around when since the beginning of time when the universe was first created.”
The implications being presented by Jon immediately made Celestia scrunch her nose incredulously. She looked playfully offended but at the same time slightly annoyed.
“I’m not THAT old, Jon!” she said with a huff. Jon wanted to continued on this tangent, and perhaps even tease her further about her age, but he had a better topic he wanted to bring up now that he had the chance.
“You know uh... tha- your story... about how Equestria got founded is-- it... uh, uh, uh it kinda reminds me of another example of a nation being founded,” Jon hinted as, with Celestia looking interesting enough to lean in. “I of course am referring to, America. You... you’re story, in some respects, is somewhat similar to how we became a nation.”
“Ah! Yes I believe I know what you are referring to!” Celestia chimed in with a level of enthusiasm high enough for her to momentarily spread her wings.
“Oh do you now?” he asked.
“Yes indeed. For you see in preparation for this interview I have done some... research shall we say on your fine country,” she continued. “From the outset I’ve had a broad understanding of how this land you call America came to be but as of recently I’ve taken it upon myself to do a little reading. And with your permission I would like try my best recount as much as I know.”
“If that’s your way of asking if you can show off to the guests then by all means,” he responded followed by laughter. “Please share with the class what you know.”
After leaning back a bit to adjust herself in her seat, the princess raised a hoof to her mouth and cleared her throat. This little ritual was followed by a few seconds of silence that was allowed for her think of where to begin; before anyone could ask she had already proceeded.
“If my knowledge of your world is correct... the founders of this nation first arrived at the behest of another kingdom at the time known as Great Britain. At this point in history this nation was famous for sending their people to different parts of the world as colonies, having them report back of their findings and claim the land in the name of the King.” Celestia explained as best she could, her soft yet powerful regal voice adding a sense of elegance to the process. “However... the group of humans who came to this part of the world didn’t want to live under the monarchy anymore and decided to regulate themselves. But when the King decided against this the colonials rebelled and declared themselves a new nation and fought against Great Britain for Freedom and independance. They won and became the nation of the United States of America.”
Jon knew his audience. Before the cheering could start, and subsequent “USA” chants that would follow, he quickly responded since he wanted to see how far her knowledge could take her.
“Having the history of America, and how it kicked the ass of a royal king, explained by a princess just gave someone somewhere the biggest Ameri-rection of all time.” Jon stated, looking more at the now laughing audience then at Celestia. After the chuckling grew softer he returned to his guest with a genuine round of applause. “Seriously though congratulations Celestia, you now have 5th grade level understanding of American history which simultaneously makes it so you have an advanced understanding compared to most US citizens.”
Jon’s jesting and hyperbolic commentary on American culture was enough for Celestia to chuckle to herself, but was genuine enough for her to take it as compliment.
“Thank you very much for saying so,” she responded.
“However... I have a follow up question,” Jon hinted, pausing a moment to make sure the stage was quite enough for him to continue. “The American revolution that you so eloquently described... what was the driving force behind it?” Surprisingly, Celestia was quick to respond.
“It was colonist’s yearning for religious freedom. Your founding fathers felt that the ways of Monarchy, and the social, economical, and political stances that came with it, were detrimental to their way of life.” She answered. “The idea that a self governing democracy by the people was a principle they very much ascribed to. So they wanted to build a new nation from the ground up with the values they thought were best.”
This, to Jon’s delight, wasn’t the answer he was looking for.
“You’re partially right,” he rebuttled. “But what I meant by driving force... uh, what I meant was who-- what actually funded their revolution. Who or what was it that backed their cause which ultimately led them to achieving victory?”
Unlike before Celestia wasn’t quick to answer and instead took a second to think. The continued bout of silence that followed soon afterwards was proof enough to Jon that she didn’t know the answer, he was more than willing to give her a few extra seconds to think it over.
When she didn’t come up with an answer, she sighed and shook her head in defeat.
“I’m afraid I don’t know the answer.” She admitted.
“Would you like me to tell you then?” Jon asked.
“Yes, please do,” she answered.
“It was France,” he revealed.
“The French?” Celestia responded.
“Yep. You see, at the time France hated... and I mean HATED the English for a variety of reasons. So when they heard that we were rebelling they joined in as allies.” Jon explained with some of the audience members nodding in agreement. “They basically... funded the entire thing, basically, because they wanted us to win and-- so that we would destroy slash humiliate our former dictators. In fact they helped us out so much that it resulted in the financial collapse of their country.”
“Oh dear!” Celestia said with a tender hoof on her mouth. “I do hope the French are alright.”
“Eh, they're fine now,” Jon assured her with a nonchalant gesture of his hand. “Actually, I’m glad you-- we brought this up... because it’s a uh... i-i-it’s a perfect example of the difference... between your world and ours.”
“Oh?” Celestia responded with a tilt of her head. “How so?”
“Well because... see in... uh, uh, uh in your world... in your world when three opposing factions get together and-- with similar objectives they set aside their differences and work together in harmony, uniting... as one to make a world beneficial to everyone and establishing a culture predicated on love, equality, and selflessness for thousands of years.” Jon explained with everyone already figuring out where this was going. “But... when three opposing human factions get together it ends in bloodshed, hatred, and bankruptcy. With each side trying to destroy the other.”
The comparison was so absurdly juxtaposed that the crowd began to laugh without a sense of guilt to weigh them down. Celestia however just looked at Jon, and occasionally the audience with a troubled look about her.
“I must say Jon... and do forgive me for saying this... but that sounds... oh so very, very sad,” Celestia began before pursing her lips. “Do not misunderstand me as I do not want to wish to undermine the fascinating history of you humans... but from what you explained... it sounds as if these countries motives... seem rather... shall we say, petty.”
“Ooooooh believe me Celestia, bigger wars have been started over less. Also happens-- this also happens more often than you might think. Like in World War two. America and Russian might’ve hated each other but you know who we hated more? The Germans.” Jon countered with only made his guest look more worried. “But then again, uh, yes this is a cultural difference that you might not understand. I mean come one... you-- look who I’m talking to. You’re the Princess of Equestria a land whose national currency is good feelings, happiness, and love. You guys... uh, you guys don’t have wars, you have tea parties, and ribbon festivals!”
To further emphasize his teasing Jon made sure to emphasize each point with a dainty wagging of his fingers or lifting his pinky fingers as he pretended to sip from a cup of tea.
“Well now Jon... would it surprise you to know that Equestria, Canterlot in particular, have been the subject of past conflicts?” Celestia asked with a slight hint of stern in her voice. “Some of which were on such a large scale that at the time it was considered a war.”
“I’m sorry Celestia but I don’t think the patty-cake fight of 58’ between the fluffy hug bunnies and the tickle fairies on gumdrop mountain count as ‘war,’” Jon sarcastically replied.
“I’m being serious!” Celestia maintained with a smile that at any moment looked like it would evolve to full on laughing. “There have been struggles in the time of my Kingdom which caused so much such hostility that my direct intervention was needed.”
“Give me an example,” Jon demanded in a playful tone like he didn’t believe her.
“Well I’m certain you’ve heard of the infamous period in Equestrian history where Discord nearly took over Kingdom, correct?” Celestia asked.
“Yes, of course,” Jon replied, the very mention of the former villain causing him to squirm in his seat.
“At the time, it was my sister and I who originally petrified him in a stone imprisonment,” she reminded. “This was an example where I needed to protect my world from a situation that threaten to do away with everything that had been established up until that point. Of course, there are less famous examples of others trying to usurp power from Canterlot.”
“Such as?” Jon inquired.
“Well, such as... although I’m not too proud to admit this... we have had situations where our kingdom was forced into battle with neighboring nations, or rival groups whose existence is founded on a lust for power,” Celestia explained. “Historically speaking these struggles never last long as we’ve done our best to avoid conflict through peaceful resolutions and compromise. But there have some those who wish nothing more than to take control of our resources.”
“Overall... and I ask this as someone who has overseen many of these incidents,” Jon began with Celestia nodding in anticipation. “Overall, what... uh, what would you say is the most common example this, of someone trying to... to, to, to annex your kingdom? What’s the usual tactic that an evil force has tried on you?”
Throughout the process of Jon asking this question Celestia never once took her eyes of him. When he finished her view quickly darted upwards in thought before quickly maintaining eye contact, as if she was looking for the answer and found it almost immediately.
“If I’m to understand what you're asking of me is, from a historical view, you want to know what aspect of Equestria most drives an individual, or nation, to attack us?” Celestia summed up, already knowing the answer.
“Yes, exactly!” Jon responded now on the edge of his seat. “I want to know... exactly what it is that makes somebody like Nightmare Moon, or Queen Chrysalis, get all up in your grill. Because from where I’m standing... you would need some pretty big balls to go up against someone as powerful as you.”
“First let me just say... thank you for the compliment,” Celestia said with a bow of her head while those watching chuckled. “And second I would like to point out that those very two individuals you just gave us, Nightmare Moon and Chrysalis, are a good examples of what I would call arrogance in the face overwhelming adversity. Many have tried to do battle with my kingdom and many have tried to steal from us and every time it had always been for the same thing... power.”
Rather than commenting or making a snappy joke, the host instead leaned back in his chair with this hand partially tucked under his chin and across his mouth in silence.
“Since the beginning of the Equestria the lust for power has been very evident. Remember the three pony factions who later worked together to create Canterlot... they themselves originally wanted the land, and with it, all the resources it had all to themselves. It was only when they learned to work together that harmony was obtained,” she continued to explain. “And it is that harmony that would later take corporeal form as the Elements of Harmony. I bring this up because the Elements represented the very structure of our world and with it bore a great power... a power which has been sought after by countless individuals throughout Equestrian history.”
“The Elements of Harmony?” Jon questioned. “There have been... individuals who have tried to steal this power away from you?”
“Oh goodness yes,” Celestia answered while shaking her head. “Countless times.”
“So what you’re saying is... the Elements of HARMONY... has been the cause of WAR,” Jon summarized as Celestia pulled up a hoof as if to stop him.
“Before you comment any further, yes, I realize the irony,” she conceded.
Jon was still very much interesting in hearing about Equestria history but he still unable to resist the temptation of pointing out such a paradox.
“But it is true that the Elements are indeed very powerful, so much so that for a while early in Canterlot history many have tried to use it’s power for evil and they all failed. The reason why is simply because the Elements are too strong for just anypony to utilize; it takes one with a firm understanding of the principles by which they represent to properly use them.” Celestia said as thoroughly as she possible could. “This is why later in time evil forces such as, Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis, and Discord didn’t try to steal the Elements but instead focused on overthrowing Canterlot. Because the elements have noble qualities such as kindness, generosity, loyalty... these are aspects that they do not possess so in their hands the elements would be useless. It’s like when Discord returned after being imprisoned. His first mission wasn’t to use the Elements for himself because he knew he could not do this. Instead he hid them, because what he did know was that they were the only things that could stop him.”
“Okay maybe you can help me out here because I’m confused about something.” Jon was forced to interject. “You say that... uh, that in the past there have been some who tried to use the power of the elements for evil.”
“For awhile yes.” Celestia answered.
“Yeah but... I thought the Elements of Harmony w-weren’t active till Twilight and her friends used them to uh... to, to, to defeat Nightmare Moon o-only a few years ago.” Jon admitted.
“You’re not... completely mistaken. Yes, for brief moment in time where was a period where the Elements of Harmony were inert.” Celestia said. “This came about after I was forced to banish my sister to the moon.”
“And for the record... how long was this period of inactivity?” Jon asked.
“A thousand years,” Celestia said now realizing was getting at.
“I love how for you... that’s ‘a brief moment,’” he commented.
“... I’m a lot older than I look.” She smiled.
“Yes, I know. ANYWAY! Uh, so you say that before Twilight and her friends the Elements were also used to fight evil,” Jon continued, his voice trailing off only to come back full force. “If that’s true... who used them?”
“Why, me and my sister, of course. Unfortunately, when she tried overthrow me I was forced to use the elements by myself against her... but prior to that we had joint control over them,” Celestia said with Jon taking an even keener interest. “Remember back to when she and I banished Discord. We did so--”
“You seem to be using Discord as an example an awful lot during this interview,” Jon interrupted. The pause the followed by laced with the sound of the audience laughing at Celestia trying to keep her composure.
“He’s a… very prominent figure in our culture’s history,” Celestia explained.
“And now he lives with an animal caretaker,” Jon commented. “Anyways, you were saying.”
“Yes, thank you. But to continue when me and mys sister vanquished... well, you know who... we did so using the Elements,” Celestia continued while using her magic to levitate her mug of water to her mouth. “Much like how we worked together to control the rising and setting of stars and moons we also worked together to control the elements. Our dual ownership consisted of me being in control generosity, kindness and magic, whereas my dear sister was in charge of loyalty, laugher, and honesty.”
“I’m going to stop you right there!” Jon said with a devious smile about him.
“Oh goodness.” Celestia playfully moaned as she used her wings to cover her face. She knew that smile all too well, Jon had something lined up but she wasn’t entirely sure what but she knew it was coming. “Did I say something wrong?”
“You did actually... so... uh are-- are you telling me... that Luna,” Jon began having to stop for a second to let out a single chuckle and taking a deep breathe. “That Luna... was in charge of the element of... “loyalty.”
As if his observation was a punch to the jaw Celestia joted back in her seat leaned her long neck upwards to let loose a frustrated sigh which soon evolved to laughing as she couldn't hold herself back. She wasn’t at all surprised that Jon was quick on the trigger.
“Again... I realize the irony,” she said as she flipped her head to the side to readjust her hair as Jon leaned in.
“Okay soooo... moving on. So to-- you and your sister had the elements before she went turned and then you controlled them.” Jon summarised in an attempt to keep things on track. “Then the elements later when dormant, and Twilight and her friends later had the responsibility of using them.”
“Overall, still very much a brief time in the Element’s lengthy history but you are correct,” she acknowledged
“So... it seems that... almost anyone can use these artifacts?” Jon commented his voice trailing off to sound uncertain.
“Well technically yes... but as I’ve already said this can only happen if said person respected, understood, and represented what the elements stood for,” she said.
“Okay, okay, okay... then answer me this,” Jon said, leaning forward with Celestia playfully doing the same. “Could... I use the elements of harmony?”
“You?” Celestia said in an unbelieving tone.
“Wow! Did you really have to say it like that?! Jon exclaimed as he leaned back in his chair to throw his arms out.
“No, no please forgive me! I did not mean for it to sound the way it did!” Celestia assured him with a one hoof over her heart. “I simply meant... you simply cause me by surprise with that question. Again I’m sorry!”
“I accept your apology!... If you answer you question.” Jon responded with a nudge of his head. “Could I use the elements?”
Jon knew the answer as much as Celestia did but he nevertheless wanted to see how she’d handle this.
“Okay, while you do embody most of what the Elements of Harmony represent, such as kindness, loyalty and...to be honest I don’t think there’s anyone one else in this world who personifies the element of laughter quite like you... there is one crucial element that you do not have.” Celestia explained in a tone like a parent explaining to their child why they can’t have a treat. To lessen the impact she turned to the audience to get them involved and perhaps lessen the impact. “Can anyne tell me what that element is?”
At once the entire studio’s audience answered with some saying it faster than others making it almost inaudible. Most answered correct with some playfully saying something different but it was clear what they all said.
“Magic!”
With a swing of her seat Celestia turned to face Jon again who was already facing the audience himself.
“Wait! Did I hear one of you say ‘generosity!?’” he pointed accusingly at the audience with an insulted expression about him that looked funny since he was all smiles. “The tickets to this show are free ya know!?”
Like a giraffe learning to take a sip of water Celetia long neck dipped like she was trying to look at her reflection in the mirror. The reason for this was simply because she was laughing so hard she soon found herself hunched over unable to keep herself upright. Jon saw this at the corner of his eye but for the sake of the joke continued to point at various laughing audience members as if to accuse them of being the culprit.
Satisfied with himself Jon joined his guest back at the desk where she was just recovered from her bout of laughter. Ready to continued as was Jon.
“So... the element of magic, huh?” he motioned for her to answer. “That’s my handicap?”
“I’m afraid so.” Celestia responded, almost dishearteningly. “A basic comprehension and control over magic is need to use them.”
“B-but what about Mane 6 members like Applejack, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash!?” Jon protested. “They can’t use magic but they’re owners of the elements.”
“I’m afraid you are only partially correct. You forget that my faithful student Twilight is also a member of the Mane 6. She acts as something of a conduit for the magic required to utilize the Elements of Harmony. And as somepony who has known her since she was but a filly trust me when I say she has more than enough magic inside her for six mares.” Celestia proudly stated. “And even though most of her friends can’t use magic in the traditional sense that doesn’t exactly mean they’re not magical in their own right. Magic exists all over Equestria in many other forms.”
“Is that right?” Jon said while adjusting his suit. “Give me an example.”
“I could... but we wouldn't want to send a typhoon through your studio now would we?” Celestia asked followed by a slight chuckle that had Jon giving her a look of suspicion.
“Excuse me?” he asked.
“I’m referring to my wings, dear.” she replied by once again showing off her wingspan, this time adding emphasis by giving them a few flaps which sent out a small wave of cool air at Jon. “I, like most pegasi, can control the weather thank in part to my wings. This in itself is a form of magic. Other forms of magic can been seen in animals as well, such as the mighty phoenix reviving itself from the asked, or the cockatrice being able to turn predators into stone, even a Timber Wolf with its ability to regenerate itself.”
There was an always an unspoken rule for Jon that if he ever saw a creature in Equestria that didn’t talk was to be avoided since he wouldn't be able to and therefore wouldn't be able to gauge whether or not it was a threat. Hearing this cemented that rule forever now.
“You see in Equestria... magic permeates everywhere and in an essential part of our way of life. Some kingdoms, such as the Crystal Empire, need magic to sustain and protect itself... but then you have a place like the human world.” Celestia said as she looked all around her, noting the studio’s many blinking devices and neon fixtures. “You humans seemed to be very reliant on external means yourself... but your culture is more in part revolves around technology not magic. So I’m afraid a human, such as yourself, could never fully control our elements... again I’m sorry.”
“You know what? That’s fine,” Jon responded by wiping his hands as if to be done with this subject. “Because you know what... we humans may never have your magic... but I’ll tell you somewhat that we do have that you guys don’t... indoor plumbing.”
Celestia almost jumped in her seat at the sight and sound of Jon pumping his fist in front of him multiple times in gesticulation, punctuating each jab by yelling “boom” as loudly as he could. The crowd was simultaneously laughing at the guest and at Jon who was now rubbing his aching shoulder. After a few stretches he was ready to proceed.
“So you can keep… you… you and your world can keep your new-fangled magic while I’m at home flushing my toilet,” Jon boasted with his nose in the air while flaunting his hand in a dismissive gesture.
“It’s truly a shame your people don’t have any magic,” Celestia commented with Jon looking proud of himself. “I’d imagine that someone such as yourself would make great use of it in your line of work.”
“You know… I will say one thing... do-- remember when my staff and I came to Canterlot to set up the episode where I interviewed your sister?” he asked.
“Yes, of course,” Celestia nodded.
“Well, you weren’t there at the time, but I gotta tell ya… it was-- setting up an entire stage… uh, was so much easier w-when we had ponies using their magic to help us,” Jon admitted. “It’s like… instead of getting ladders we just had a pony levitate or fly up to install it. There was... just so many corners we could cut simply because we had a pony willing to use a spell. It has gotten to the point where... you know how bad it’s gotten?”
“No; do tell,” she said.
“Before the show, one of uh… one of my staffers came up to me and said ‘Is it true? Is our next guest another unicorn?’ and I said ‘yes,’” Jon explained. “He then took his phone out and asked, ‘Think she’d use her magic to charge my cell?’”
The crowd laughed, but Celestia didn’t join them until Jon slowly reached into his pocket to take out his iPhone and presented it to her in a “if you wouldn't mind” kind of gesture. To show he wasn’t serious, he quickly holstered it back into his jacket pocket.
“I’m actually quite shocked that magic doesn’t exist in your world. Especially given that human culture, historically from what I gather, has been and continues to be rather obsessed with the concept,” Celestia was finally able to say now that she had calmed down a bit. “Ancient humans were fascinated with the unexplainable; even going as far as inventing explanations to everyday situations by attributing them to unseen figures with magical properties. Your children are told fairy tales which feature magic heavily and in modern times some of your more famous examples of film deal with wizardry in one form or another.”
“Don’t be so quick to count us out just yet. There are-- there is yet so much about uh, this world yet to be seen,” Jon challenged. “I mean, who-- how can you be so certain that nowhere in this world is their any kind of magic?”
“That is a very good point, but what I can tell you is that there is not a shred of magic located in New York,” Celestia revealed.
“You really know how to kill the mood, don’t ya Celly?” Jon sighed.
“Again, I mean no offense. I’m quite adept at these matters, and while I was already aware that humans have not officially harnessed any such power, I must say… I was terribly surprised when I landed here in your studio,” she said while looking all around her, seeming to search for something. “I can sense whenever there’s magic about, but when I’m here… I can’t feel anything at all. And, since the United States, New York in particular, is a densely packed collection of a wide range of humans from all over the world, it’s safe to assume it would be the same anywhere else.”
“So… our world has no magic… and you know this because you can’t sense any of it?” Jon asked. “If that’s the case, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS?”
Without waiting for a response, Jon swiftly brought his hands together and demonstrated how, using only his hands, he was able to dislocate his thumb before placing it back where it had been. Celestia wasn’t impressed.
“I’m afraid that’s not magic,” she commented.
“Dammit!” Jon blurted. “Are you sure there’s none in this world?”
“I’m almost certain. To be honest, it’s quite unsettling. As Princess of Equestria, I’ve had to travel to all corners of our nation and never have I felt the absence of some mystical properties,” she confided. “But when I’m here… please understand it’s all very new for me. I grew up in Canterlot, the magic capital of the world, where magic permeates every living thing. Even our most cherished artifacts were created by magic.”
“What? I thought that… well, I thought the Elements were just… always around,” Jon tried to explain as he rubbed the back of his head. “You know… like, since the dawn of time… or something.”
“No, you're right. The cornerstones that make up and created our world- honesty, kindness, generosity, laughter, loyalty, and magic- have always been. But what I’m referring to are the physical relics that channel those powerful values,” she said with Jon now paying closer attention. “Many, many years ago there was this tree, a tree whose roots ran deep into the planet. We called this mystical tree the Tree of Harmony, and from its branches it bore fruit- The Elements of Harmony. The tree had infused these gems with immense power related to each elemental property of Harmony. This is how The Elements were able to take physical form.”
“Wa-- hold on… if The Elements of Harmony… or, rather, the trinkets that you guys use to defend yourselfs with were created-” Jon began before pausing a second to let this sink in “-then… then why not just make more of ‘em? That way you’ll have even more fire power.”
“I’m… afraid it doesn’t work that way,” she answered. “The Elements are a very precious resource which cannot be abused. One cannot simply create more of what has already been created. And even if such a thing were possible, having that much collected magic could be dangerous- not to mention a strain on our very world.”
“You mean you can’t make more of these powerful artifacts because… it would be wasteful to have more than what is necessary?” he summarized out loud.
“Yes, exactly,” she agreed.
“So, basically, what you’re telling me is… these things don’t just grow on trees?” Jon asked, which he rather regretted as some audience members groaned.
Even for Jon, this was cheesy, but judging by how much Celestia was laughing she found it to be quite humorous; thus fueling the idea that she was an easy crowd. And, as Jon looked over at his staff, he regretted it more as one stage hand was waving at him with his finger which was the signal that they were out of time. He hated to break for commercial on such a low note, though was without choice.
Leaning forward as closely as he could, Jon grabbed Celestia’s hoof while she was still laughing for a firm shake.
“Okay, we’re going to go on a quick commercial break, but when we get back… things are definitely going to pick up, I promise,”Jon assured both his audience and guest as he pointed to the camera. “When we come back, more Equestrian Interviews with Princess Celestia! Stick around folks!”
Without waiting for applause, the camera was bombarded with The Daily Show logo. Since this was still being aired, the show’s team of camera operators wasted no time in cutting the feed for the incoming commercial break.
This may have been only the first half of the on-air interview, but Jon wanted to make sure they squeezed in as much time as possible before having the rest overflow into the online portion- because that’s when things were really going to get good.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Even though he was not one to get nervous over something like an interview, Jon couldn't help but wipe the sweat from his forehead. He may have done this hundreds of times, both on his show and other networks, but this was different. It wasn’t so much the fact that his interviewee was a living god, but rather that she was a very good friend.
And as such, he wanted everything to be perfect.
With shaking legs and drumming fingers, Jon counted the seconds in his head as the stock footage of the bright New York streets came back on screen. This, as well as the crowd now cheering as loudly as they could, signaled to him and everyone working behind the scenes that the bout of commercials had just ended.
Turning to face the camera, Jon was given the signal by an on set stagehand for them to continue- something which he was all too eager to do, as evident by him not even waiting for the crowd to stop their praising.
“Aaaaaaand we’re back with my lovely guest Princess Celestia!” Jon said as he turned quickly to face her. “Now uh… I just… can I say something here?”
“By all means,” Celestia responded with a tip of her head and motion of her front hoof.
“We had-- in our previous segment of the interview we had all kinds of discussions regarding your world,” Jon recapped, “and I’m willing to bet we barely scratched the surface.”
“Yes, that would be a pretty safe assumption on your part,” Celestia said.
“I mean, we discussed: You and your sister controlling the heavens, mythical spirits, how magic created your world… uh, animals… who can also use magic,” Jon listed, pausing list off each point with a finger. “We uh... we talked about how you and various other ponies embody the elements that create your universe and how you defeated a god of chaos by using these mythical elements in physical form which were created by a sacred tree of magic.”
This brief summary caused the audience to go silent, some out of awe at the reminder of exactly who they were in the presence of but most because they wanted to see where Jon was going with this.
“All roads lead back to you… so taking all this into consideration, I have come up with one single, solitary conclusion,” he announced. “That being.... whoa... Celestia you really ARE a God.”
This stating of the obvious was not an attempt to embarrass her or elicit a round of applause from the audience, but both happened anyway. With the crowd cheering the guest almost as loudly as when the first segment had ended, Jon used this brief break to take a drink of his water while Celestia tried to hide her blushing face behind her wispy mane.
“Oooh Jon I’d really wish you wouldn't call me that.” She grimaced like she just took a full bite out of a lemon. “I was never a fan of ponies or anyone else calling me by that title.”
“Why is that?” Jon asked. “I’m assuming you’ve been called that all your life. Surely you’ve gotten used to hearing it by now.”
“The thing is... I like to consider myself to be just like everypony else,” she explained with Jon about to say something but stopping once Celestia threw her hoof up at him. “Now I realize that may seem disingenuous coming from a being like myself. I appreciate the fact that I am an alicorn who has been been blessed with an abundance of power and the privilege of being in royalty... but as different as I am to my subjects I still try to understand them on a more personal level. I don’t want to be viewed as a some kind of deity that is above everypony else. Like my people I too was born and raised in flesh and blood and I too have my own faults and am still learning... I want to be looked at as an equal, not and idol.”
Like before the audience embraced Celestia with a brief round of applause that she seemed to not mind so much this time around, even going as far as acknowledging them by turning and giving a slight nod of the head. Jon would have joined them but he much rather keep the sense of levity alive as long as he could.
“I think... when you have the ability to move the sun you’ve past the point of being just like everyone else.” Jon commented which the audience not laughing at Celetia who was still facing them. “That’d be like if-- that’s like if Jesus came down and said ‘yeah bro I’m totally just like you guys!’ while walking on water and scooping it up then turning it into wine.”
And with that the two went right back to where they started. With Jon taking the time to take a sip of his drink and Celestia once again trying to hide her embarrassment.
“But uh... uh, uh, uh in all uh, in all seriousness, I do find your attitude to your position really rather respectable. It’s refreshing to see someone say they want to be like those they govern and... and actually mean it.” Jon said in a voice that sounded sincere but at the same time looking as if he would tease her at any moment. “But tell me... don’t the-- I mean don’t your own people... like worship you.”
“Some do, yes. As to be expected ponies who come visit me or some who are employed at my castle do treat me high levels respect and I in response always try my best to do the same to them.” she explained. “But there are some, such as yourself, who... really go out of their way to try and make me feel special. In some parts of the Equestria there are those who set up gatherings to praise my name as the sun rises.”
“Hm, interesting... we humans used to do that too.” Jon commented. “Worship the sun I mean.”
“Yes, I am aware of that.” Celestia responded in a pitched tone. “Though from what I understand that form of worship isn’t practiced much these days.”
“You know what!? I think we need to change that!” he announced. “We should bring sun worshiping back... I think it’s a very practical religion with good morals.”
“Such as?” she wondered out loud.
“Ah! I’m glad you asked because for this interview I... I made a point to look up an old bit that George Carlin did.” Jon explained while grabbing his blue notes off the table and shuffled them around to the correct page. “As you may uh... or may not know George is a... just an amazing comedian, and a hero of mine... and uh h-he once had this routine on religion.. he-- and at one point he talked about sun worship. And with your permission... I’d like to recite it to you.”
“Certainly Jon.” she answered. “I would love to hear it.”
“Great okay I think you’re really gonna love this. Ahem.” Jon cleared his throat as he placed the paper closer to his eyes. For a moment he thought about putting on a voice but at the last second decided against it and began reciting. “‘Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I'm unworthy. Doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn't said an unkind word. Treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But, I don't pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn't presume on our friendship. It's not polite.’”
The smile on Celestia’s face was contagious. This was very evident by Jon laughing along with her. Though as Jon suspected only a few audience members joined them... Carlin’s sense of humour was more his generation.
“Oh my! I rather like that. Especially that last part; quite humorous!” Celestia chuckled. “Though... if this is the same George Carlin that I think he is... I’m pretty sure he wasn’t being at all serious.”
“Oooooh I-- yeah no not at all!” Jon shook his head before another chuckled escaped his mouth at the idea. “Ol’ Carlin was in no way a religious man... in any way shape or form. People used to get very mad at the kinds of jokes he’d make... at the expense of a certain uh, belief or culture.”
“Oh! That’s another thing I’ve discovered about your people that greatly interests me.” Celestia hinted at. “Much like how your people used to believe in magic you also used to be extremely religious. But nowadays--”
“I... if I were you I’d be careful about you phrase your next statement.” Jon nervously said as he slowly looked over at the cameras. “You're treading on a delicate subject here.”
“Oh... well if you’d like me to stop I most certainly will.” Celestia offered, even thought she knew it would do her no good. “I wouldn't want to upset anyone.”
“No, no, no you go right on ahead!” he urged. “Please... uh, please continue.”
“Well... I was just pointing out that modern humans don’t seem to... oh how should I put this... have the same amount of vigour towards religion as they used to.” she tactfully tried to explain. “Ancient humans used to force other humans to be apart of their religion through some... grizzly methods... entire civilizations would base their entire culture, architecture, and way of life off of what they felt was gods will... massive wars were started over whose religion was right and those who ruled over these civilizations proclaimed that their deity meant for them to be in charge.”
Her explanation was met with the response she had assumed it would warrant. Instead Jon just stared at her with a “you gotta be kidding me” look on his face which he shared by looking at the audience then back at her.
“It’s... really depressing on how everything you just said still happens today, Jon commented. “Matter of fact I think you fully described all of last week.”
The look of uncertainty as to whether he was being serious was enough to make the audience laugh and nod in agreement. Celestia looked confused which made Jon laugh and lean in to address her more directly.
“No but I... I-I-I do understand uh, what you're trying to say. Back when the world was new and unexplained we would invent gods to explain things we didn’t understand whereas now we put more stock into science. We don’t uh... w-we don’t sacrifice our first borns anymore, and while back in the day it was said in scripture that... the-- our God talked regularly to people if someone today said they heard a voice... we’d think they were crazy.” Jon said to try and get more on Celestia’s level of reasoning. “I myself am uh... I’m Jewish but I don’t really adhere to their laws and practices. I’m ‘irreligious’I believe the term is. Actually studies have shown that as the human race continued to evolve into the new century it’s becoming more and more apparent that people, specifically the younger generation, is turning away from religion as a whole.”
“So the younger of the human species don’t worship idols?” Celestia asked, generally curios.
“Oooo-ho-ho-ooh they do! Trust me they do!” Jon assured her with widened eyes. “We just don’t call them idols or gods... we call them celebrities.”
“Aaaaaah yes of course.” Celestia nodded. “It’s same with the ponies back home... if you think I’m well liked and famous you should see how fillies and colts react when somepony like Sapphire Shores performs at the Canterlot concert hall.”
“I knew at some point our interview would distill itself to us old timers yelling about the kids these day,” Jon sighed with a shake of his head. “But uh yeah... kids nowadays would much rather see what’s trending... rather... rather than go to church and I don’t think-- and the thing is this isn’t knew... I’ve seen this happened... since I was their age. I mean Jon Lennon famously stated that he was bigger than Jesus, and in terms of popularity... he was right.”
“Goodness that’s... quite a claim to make.” Celestia commented. “I certainly do hope you never get to be that boastful.”
“Who me? Nah I’m not more popular than Jesus.” Jon shrugged, pausing a moment to look like he was thinking. “I might have more of a following than maybe Buddha, but not Jesus.”
As the crowd laughs a look of realization washes over Jon’s face like he just remembered something very crucial. He opened his mouth to say something but was immediately drowned out by the sound of laughter from those watching in the studio. It was only after they calmed down did he continue.
“Actually this... something that comes to mind, I just thought of, is an incident that happened years ago!” he said with great enthusiasm. “Oh I love telling this story. Back in the-- actually do you know who Madonna is?”
“The singer?” Celestia responded. “Yes I know of her.”
“Okay well... back in the late 80’s early 90’s, when she was at the height of her popularity, the US post office announced a Madonna uh, Stamp. A stamp. And when this was announced... uh, uh, there was... huge lines... forming around post offices all over the country, because young fans wanted to get this limited stamp.” Jon explained. “But... but here’s the thing. It was only when the stamp was officially announced and sold did people realize... that it was Madonna the mother of Christ, not Madonna the pop singer.”
“Oh dear no!” Celestia laughed as she leaned back to better breathe.
“It’s true! At the time young adults... when they heard ‘Madonna’ they immediately thought of the singer... instead of the mother of Jesus who is the uh... savior in arguably the most well known religion in modern times.” Jon summarized for the benefit of those who might’ve not heard the first time around. “I love this story because uh... uh, i-it’s a good example-- it’s a perfect representation of just how much... our culture puts more of an emphasis on celebrities and worldly possessions than really anything else.”
“Interestingly, do you know who else shares this idea?” Celestia asked, quick to expand on such a vague opening. “I’ll give you a hint... it’s a pony we both know.”
“Do I like this pony?” Jon asked.
“Oh, you most certainly do!” Celestia answered.
“Alright. so it can’t be Lyra.” he responded while rubbing his chin in deep thought. Before she or anyone in the audience could react Jon was quick to continue. “I’m kidding! I’m only kidding!... Celestia you might want to tell me now before I open my mouth again.”
“Very well then. Your claims that humans care more about celebrities than anything else would get a lot of support from my most faithful student Twilight.” she finally revealed. “Do you recall when you had her on your show?”
“No I don’t.” Just responded with a weak shrug and blunt tone like he didn’t care. His ever shifting smile telling Celestia otherwise.
“Well... in that case... allow me to remind you.” she said, pausing at certain points to stop herself from bursting out laughing. “When Twilight was on your show she made a special point of showing how much knowledge she had accumulated about your world. Before the show she read up on your people's history.”
“And what did she find?” he asked.
“Well see this is the thing. It isn’t a matter of what she found, but rather where and how long she found it.” Celestia continued with Jon looking rather confused. “You see when you first asked me to be on your show the first thing I did was ask Twilight to join me for tea. While there I asked her for help about what I was to expect while on your show.”
“Uuuugh, you're THAT kind of person, huh?” Jon said in a moaning tone. “The kind that invites somewhere over for lunch only to talk to them about business.”
“Yes I’m afraid so. B-but getting back to what I was saying! I asked her what I should expect, but in addition I also wanted to her to give me lecture on human history. Overall I did learn some new things but I was surprised that, given the time she spent in your world doing research, that she didn’t know more.” Celestia explained. “And I remember, she turned to me and said; ‘in the human world... it’s easier to look up celebrities than it is historical figure... I’m not sure why that is. It’s actually something I’ve been researching.’”
With one hand on his desk to brace himself and another a closed fist over his mouth Jon found it himself in wave of laughter that almost made him feel the need to get up and walk around. What Twilight had apparently said wasn’t particularly funny to him, what got him almost needing to sedate himself. It was the fact that researching a topic on research was something Jon could totally see her doing.
“She would say something like that!” Jon said before bursting with another laugh or two.
“She’s already got a thesis worked out.” Celestia added which made Jon flop his head forward into his hands in continued laughter. “To her credit... it’s actually a well researched topic. I particularly enjoy her topic points Christmas.”
“Y-you... you guys have Christmas too?” Jon asked.
“Not exactly we have something called Hearth's Warming. No, I’m referring to your human holiday called Christmas which from what I’ve read has a long history of religious undertones.” Celestia recalled. “Based on a pagan holiday it was later taken and recontextualized into a Christian Holiday celebrating the Birth of your God’s son, Jesus.”
“Exactly! But neither of those is really the central theme anymore.” Jon said, knowing his opinions would carry with it a slew of angry emails. “Nowadays it’s just an excuse to shop and get the latest model phone in a show of ultimate capitalism. So again the religions aspects is just so much white noise.”
“Do YOU celebrate this holiday?” Celestia wondered.
“I’m Jewish. On Christmas you can usually find me at a Chinese restaurant.” Jon joked only to dismissively wave his hand. “No, no I uh... I sometimes go to Christmas parties, or participate in the office secrete Santra but nothing extensive.... as uh... that. So tell me... is there an Equestrian Holiday celebrating YOUR birth? Is there a Celestia day?”
“Oh heavens no!” She answered. “A holiday just about me... that would be entirely too much.”
“You... you really are just... the picture of humility aren’t ya?” Jon pointed out as the crowd lightly applauded before silencing themselves as Jon spoke again. “I-- let me tell ya somethin... our generation may not be as... spiritual as previous ones but I guarantee that after tonight... there won’t be a person alive on Earth who doesn’t know who you are.”
Although he didn’t directly say it the implications behind Jon’s compliment was enough to warrant a reminder from his.
“I appreciate the thought but again... I’m not a god.” Celestia maintained calmy. “I’d much rather prefer ponies, and humans alike to think of me as just another Equestrian citizen but... if one absolutely had to address me in a formal matter I’d much rather princess more than anything else.”
“Yeeeeaaaah. Because calling yourself a princess is a thousand times more humble than calling yourself a god.” Jon scoffed while shaking his head in a playful manner. “You know... uh, that’s something else I’ve noticed about you... you-- the fact that... y-you're a princess. I mean... wouldn't-- I mean isn’t that title... beneath you?”
“Hm. I don’t see why it would.” she responded confusingly. “Afterall... I AM a princess.”
“Yeah but... and forgive me if this sounds like I’m bashing your royal family,” he continued with Celestia giving him a playful look at the idea. “But there are... other princess in your kingdom but from what I understand you are the uh... the main ruler and the strongest one. Would it... uh, wouldn’t make more sense... if you were the Queen, rather than just Princess?
“I do see what your saying but to answer your question you need to understand how the system of royalty works, especially in our Kingdom.” she began to explain. “To be a Queen... there needs to be a King.”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaah.” Jon spoke in a understanding tone.
“In our world the status of King and Queen is given right after the wedlock of two royals.” she continued. “So if you're not married you're either a prince or Princess.”
“Well what about... uh, uh... Queen Chrysalis or King Sombra?” Jon replied, having to pause and think since he wasn’t too keen on every Equestrian villain. “From what I’ve... from what understand they have the call themselves by King and QUeen but they're not married.”
“Quite true,” Celestia admitted. “Though... those two aren't really well known for following the rules now are they?”
It was no secret that Jon was a huge proponent in levity in the face of adversity. He had much respect for someone who could humour at something tragic, often as part of the healing process or to show that they’ve moved on. So as he sat in his seat laughing to himself he couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of pride as his friend for her use wit when talking about some of her mortal enemies.
“Also while we’re on the subject there is actually another rule in regards to the law of whether or not somepony can be King or Queen. And that rule is that both participants need to be Alicorns.” Celetia added with a flick of her wings.
“Is that right.” Jon commented.
“Yes indeed. The reason being is that the ancient ponies of Canterlot Parliament, who made this rule centuries ago, didn’t want the scenario of a royal alicorn pony, who is immortal, marrying an individual who could die.” she continued. “Because of course if they did, among many other problems, it would mean that the living spouse would revert back to being a princess or prince. They liked the idea of two Alicorns, who could live forever, being permanent Kings and Queens... because that was the highest title in the land so they wanted it to go to the highest species of pony.”
“Are there any perks to being... a Queen rather than Princess?” Jon asked.
“Yes; more authority and by extension more responsibility.” She answered. “For example if I were to get married and become Queen I would have a higher ranking in the royal family. This in turn would make it so instead of me and my sister being Co-rulers I ascend higher than her in terms of a wider range of influence over the kingdom.”
“In my opinion THATS how Luna should have tried to take over the kingdom.” Jon commented. “Instead of just... you know doing it the old fashion way of just offing the previous ruler she should have gotten herself a man and become Queen.”
“Seems.. a rather roundabout way doing things wouldn't you say.” Celestia observed with a slight chuckle.
“Yeah but if that did happen you know what that would lead to?” Jon asked with Celestia titing her head in thought with no time to answer. “A... honeyMOON.”
Slowly to show that she was being sarcastic Celestia listed her hooves where she slowly clopped them together in a slow applause. The smile on her face looking almost insulting.
“Very good, Jon.” She snickered. Jon liked this more playful and sassy side of her but while they were still on this line of questioning he wanted to get somewhat serious for a second and ask her a question that had been eating away at him for awhile now.
“Thanks uh... okay so... y-you’re not a queen but you can if-- Okay not to sound like my mother 20 years ago but,” he began before putting on his best elderly jewish woman accent he could muster. “Why aren’t you married yet? I mean is it too much to ask for some grandchildren already? You’re not getting any younger ya know. Also you never call anymore!”
“Ooooh well... if you must know,” she began after a few chuckles. “I’ve never had the time.” Her answer was short, simple, and any signs of dishonesty or trickery. And yet it still make Jon look upon her and lean back in his seat suspiciously.
“You don’t... have enough time?” he echoed. “Your Celestia... an immortal Alicorn who's been around for 1000s of years. You literally have all the time in the world!”
“I’ve... also been very busy with work?” she added with a playful shrug.
“My god, this really is, more or less, the exact conversation I had with my own mother before I got married.” Jon reminisced as he slowly ran his finger through his hair where he eventually was grabbing the back of his head. “All that’s missing is her trying calling you up every other day trying to get you to go on a blind date with the new member of her book club.”
“Oh is that how you met Tracey?” Celestia inquired. “Through your mother?”
“God no.” Jon blurted at the idea like a bad taste in his mouth. “But... but uh... your close. We uh, we were set up on a uh... on a blind date.”
“By whom?” She asked.
“Oh mutual friends. It was actually at-- it was set up by the production assist on a movie I appeared in called “Wishful Thinking,” he name dropped with no one, especially Celestia, looking like they knew what film he was referring too. “Yes exactly. But anyway... anyway that’s how we first met.”
“Would you mind telling how it went?” Celestia asked.
“What the date? I’d say pretty well since we ended getting married.” Jon said as everyone but him chuckled at his less than straightforward answer. “No uh, it uh... it, it, it, it went well. So well in fact that we continued to date for the next four years. By then we had moved in together and I wanted to take things to... to the next level. But before I actually asked her to marry me I went and... oh I’m getting tired of telling this story-- but at time I reached out to an an old acquaintance of mine by the name of Will Shortz who, uh... w-who at the time was the the crossword editor at the uh, The New York Times. Anyway I went to him and got a personalized crossword just for Tracey which, when she solved it, had my proposal in it.”
Much like how Jon had predicted the studio was now being bombarded with the echoing cooes and awws from the audience, like they had just spotted a newborn puppy trying to hug a kitten. In addition Jon’s clairvoyance also extended to his guest, her eyes so wide that he could see his reflection.
“My goodness Jon that is... the absolute sweetest thing I have ever heard!” Celestia declared with her hoof over her heart like she was about to faint.
“Eh, I guess.” he shrugged. “But to be honest I only married her cause she laughs at all my jokes.”
“Oh hush you!” she jeered playfully while batting wing in his direction.
“But yeah uh... thanks. That was... oh goodness, fourteen years ago in fact, and now... we have two beautiful children.” Jon finished by slamming his hand on the desk in a definitive manner right before the crowd gave him a round of applause along with his guest. Their warm reception was a nice change of pace but soon after Jon was now focused on the issue at hand. More specifically the fact that the guest was asking the questions instead of the other way around . “Bu-bu-bu-but going back a bit this, this... this isn’t about me it’s about you! Don’t try to uh... distract me!”
It took a second but everyone watching, Celestia especially, was now on the reminded of how they got on this line of questioning in the first place.
“So tell me Celestia...why aren’t you married?” Jon continued with an arched eyebrow with Celetia on the verge of answering. “And this time give us a more detailed answer than just ‘I’m busy.’”
With her go-to response now shot down she was forced to take a deep breathe and think about a more proper answer. But when it came right down to all roads came to the same as before.
“To be honest Jon I... well if I had to be more specific I would say its because of my parents.” She said in an attempt to be original.
“Your parents?” he asked.
“Or to be more to the point, their influence on me. You see... before me and Luna our parents were the ones who ruled over Equestria. They were the ones who kept order during and indeed before Canterlot Castle was even built .” She explained. “So you see... by contrast I and my sister have a much easier time ruling over a nation since it’s already been long since established. Whereas our parents were ruling over a time of uncertainty.”
“So... so you inherited the position your parents had, and since-- and because you have a much easier job than they did you overcompensate by swearing off marriage and focusing solely on your work?” he suggested was the case with his guest looking uncertain. “You know I... I think ‘Sex in the City’ had an episode of regarding that very problem.”
“Well... personally, I wouldn't quite phrase it the way you just did... but there is a some truth in what you say. One might suggest that, yes, times now are easier than when our kingdom was first founded. But having said that I feel that we as a nation face every single day problems and issues, in our modern history, that previous generations never even dreamed of.” Celestia admitted. “ Luna and myself, from the moment we were born, were destined to carry on our parents legacy by ruling over Equestria. That kind of commitment is what keeps me awake at night reviewing laws and treaties rather than looking for that very special somepony. Some might call that an unfulfilled existence but it’s the price I pay to properly rule over my kingdom.”
There were a few openings that Jon saw where he could have easily interrupted with a quip or two about his guest but seriousness of the tone that Celestia dragged them in was too thick to penetrate. Instead he remained silent as the crowd applauded her for her selflessness. Every now and again Jon was reminded just how important his friend was.
“I know it’s a bit cliche... but I’m just trying to make my parents proud.” She added. But this time Jon took the opening.
“Making your parents proud huh?” Jon echoed. “Yeeeeeeaaaah. I should probably get around to doing that myself.”
“Jon!” Celestia gasped in the most sincere voice she could find. “How can you say that! I’m sure your mother and father are very proud of you!”
But even as she was saying that Celestia knew she made a phobaux by mentioning Jon’s father but for her sake he didn’t draw attention to it.
“Trust me you don’t know them like I do.” Jon simply countered. “If I told them I was interviewing a Alicorn god from another world they probably just think I was smoking weed again.”
“Well this interview aside... I’m certain when they see you on TV, interviewing other important humans, they feel pride,” She proposed. “Pride that their son has the privilege of influential individuals while asking them intellectual and thought provoking questions.”
Looking in all directions, like a dog that heard a sound humans can’t pick up, Jon began to scan the room before turning back to his guest with a look of doubt on his face.
“What are YOU watching!?” he jested which once again made the audience laugh and his guest look at him with sorry eyes at such a show of self deprecation. “Besides you got it all wrong... my parents don’t even watch the show.”
“Why is that?” she asked wondering if he was telling the truth or once again making light of an otherwise serious issue.
“Because they only watch quality TV Show.” Jon answered, making it clear to Celestia that it was latter. “Besides... at their age they know how to change the channel let alone even turn the TV on.”
“Well, if that really is the case then I feel sorry for them.” Celestia said. “If you don’t mind me... gushing the way I am, but I find this to be a fine program! In fact, it’s my absolute favorite!”
“Yeah you’ve uh... you’ve already said that once before during the... last segment of this program.” Jon pointed out.
“Well that’s because it’s the truth.” she reminded.
“Really?” he scoffed, feining disdain for her answer.
“Of course!” she maintained.
“Well... you must not watch a lot of TV then.” Jon teased as the crowd chuckled. He noticed however that in response to this Celestia had a sneaky look about her, like she knew something he did not.
“Actually Jon what you said is demonstrably not true.” She corrected. “I’m actually quite the avid viewer of programs. Remember... I have been around for quite some time.”
To emphasize leaned forward like she was about to poke Jon with her horn while simultaneously expanding her wings only to quickly bring them back. Jon had gottern her point long before this demonstration but was still astonished by it’s implications that he took a few seconds to respond.
“That’s... that’s right you’ve uh, you’ve-- I forget just how old you are. You may’ve been watchin TV for... possibly longer than anyone in existence.” Jon theorized as he rubbed his chin. “Exactly... how long... uh, have you been watching television.”
Try as she might Celestia could not hide her smile. She way have been the guest of the show as well as an outsider to the human world but now it was time for her to show off her knowledge.
“Long enough to know that, before your stay here at Comedy Central’s ‘The Daily show’ you made multiple appearances on other shows. You used to make regular appearances at HBO, like their standup hour ‘Comedy Cellar’, their sitcom ‘The Larry Sanders Show,’ and ‘Mr. Show with Bob and David. You also appeared on other programs like: ‘The Nanny,’ ‘Newsradio,’ Mr. Show,’ and ‘Spin city.’ You even hosted a few shows other this this one like the cleverly named ‘The Jon Stewart Show,’ ‘ You Wrote It, You Watch It,’ and you’ve even guest hosted ‘the late late show with Tom Synder.’” Celestia listed without ever having to pause and think. Pulling a trick of of Jon’s own repertoire she waited till he was about to say something before continuing. “And before you ask, no, I didn’t look this up before coming on the show... I just have good memory.”
If a fan viewing the interview from home were to tune in right now they could be forgiven for thinking that the interviewing was coming to close, based on how loudly the audience was cheering and applauding it certainly sounded as such.
Even if they had remained silent Jon wouldn't have his usual witty remark loaded and ready to go because this was one of those rare Daily Show moments where the renowned host was stunned silent. Placing a hand over his still gaped mouth he could only marvel at the extensive knowledge Celestia had.
And like a old dried up well that he intended to explore Jon wanted to know just how deep understanding was. But not before taking this moment to poke some fun at himself
“Ah ha! You missed one, little Ms. Smarty hooves!” he responded in a purposely nervous tone while weakling pointing his finger noncommittally. “I... also hosted another Comedy Central show called in the late 90s called ‘short attention span theatre.’”
“Oh goodness your right!” Celestia lightly exclaimed. “I seemed to have forgotten that one.”
“Yeaaaaah... do did everyone else.” Jon responded with a pouty face as he pretended to adjust his notes before immediately parking back up. “But seriously uh... uh, how uh... how long HAVE you been watching TV?”
“Very early in it’s conception.” Celestia answered. “But what you need to understand the first television programs I started to watch were from here in Equestria not your world.”
“Wait really!? So you-- ok uh... help me... get a proper time frame here so I can better understand,” he suggested in an attempt to date her. “So did you guys like... invent the television first then got our programs or like... like how did this come about.
“Actually it was because of your worlds advancement in the concept that lead us to discovering it as well. You see... many years ago scientists from our world picked up these odd signals from beyond our solar system.” Celestia explained to a now confused audeince and host. “We didn’t know what these waves were so what ended up happening was those very same scientists built machines that would be able to pick up these wavelengths so we could identify them.”
“And these transmissions were TV programs from our world?” Jon asked.
“Well... yes and no. It was odd. These podcasts were very scrambled and incoherent to the point where it was inaudible. At times we were shocked to hear transmitted voices but some of them were in a language we couldn't understand. And later we would get images of silhouette shapes, but that was it.” Celestia explained as best she could. “At the time we thought this was some other life form trying to make contact with us but now we know it was your people testing the limitations and capabilities of your newly founded devices. Shortly thereafter our people began to do the same since your podcasts pushed us to invent the our version of the television.”
“Ten bucks says your guys’ TV was powered by magic.” Jon accused with a point of his finger.
A slight bout of silence followed, except for the sound of Celestia using her magic to produce a swanky looking coin purse out of thin air. This confused Jon but soon caused him to laugh uncontrollably when she further used her magic to open it and produce a few golden coins and slide them each to his side of the table.
“They ran on magic.” Celestia confirmed while Jon was still rocking back in his chair. “But yes... after we tried to decipher your test broadcast we went ahead and did the same. This resulted in Equestrian producing this new form entertainment. That’s when I first fell in love with medium.”
“So then... when did you first started... when did Equestrian start getting human programming?” Jon asked, determined to get this particular question answered.
“That would be a few years later. I remember the day it happened too. I and so many other ponies were shocked to see such bizarre creates. Those who worked into getting television to be a regular art form believed that these were from another planet, but for many years the majority of ponies just assumed that these transmissions were simply pony-made TV shows made to look like the mythical humans.” Celestia continued to explain with some audience members looking at each other in amusement at the thought of being ‘mythica.’ “It was later revealed that these signals were from another world but since no one had ever seen a human, and indeed until you no human had ever been to our world, the public just didn’t believe it.”
“Remember when you said not to go easy on you at the start of the interview?” Jon asked which caused the audience to laugh not at his question but at the now increasingly worried look on Celestia’s face.
“Y-yes.” She answered.
“Excellent! So tell me... which programs do you like more?” he asked. “Equestrian or human.”
The audience seemed to share in the pain of the guest as they groaned at how difficult a question that was. The anguished look on her face only deepened when she finally answered.
“You know... it’s times like this that I’m glad our system of royalty is based on lineage rather than a democracy.” She responded.
“Why is that?” Jon asked.
“Because if it wasn’t... I would lose a large amount of votes in the next elected by what I’m about to say.” She answered.
“YES!” Jon exclaimed with a pump of his fist while the audience cheered him on. Her plan of answering the question without a straightforward answer had worked.
“And to all broadcasters, television actors, and even politicians who do public addresses let me just say that I love all deeply. You will always have a place in my heart.” Celestia assured while looking directly at the camera.
“But...” Jon lead.
“But... when I have free time... I do find that I tend to lean more towards human programming that Equestrian.” She painfully admitted. “I’m afraid... it’s been that way since... why since the first time I started watching human TV shows.”
“What I want to know is how come you guys got our TV programs but we didn’t get any of yours?” Jon asked. “Personally I would love to watch a show about a bunch of little ponies.”
“Well... if I had to guess I believe it’s because your race puts more of an emphasis on technology than ours does.” she theorized. “So you're technology allows your signalling to travel much farther than ours. And to be perfectly honest I’m glad our programming doesn’t make it to your world.”
“Now why would you say that?” he asked. “Is it because you're afraid if we knew of another world we’d try to take it over or something.”
“No, no, nothing like that. It’s because I’m the leader of the entire Kingdom from which I hale from.” Celestia reminded. “And as a political satirist I can only imagine how you would have embarrassed me over the years whenever I did something wrong.”
Looking like he was laughing too hard Jon leaned forward to place a hand on her hoof.
“Oh Celestia I would never!” he assured her.
“Yes you would.” She countered.
“Yeah, you’re right. I would have made fun of you so much had I known you existed back in the day .” he admitted as the crowd laughed.. “From... f-from the top of your horn to the end of your tail I would have. From every embarrassing picture ever taken of you to the major decisions you made which directly affected your people I would have... and do you know why?”
As if Jon’s questions took corporeal form Celestia squinted her eyes in his direction.
“Why is that?” she asked.
“Because you are... a very trustworthy person and open person. A person who believes in the goodness in others and... and you see past the evils in the world and focus on the positives .” Jon said which made nodded with a smile. She’d heard braises like this before in her line of work but it really meant something coming from Jon. And then he continued. “Which in my mind... makes you an easy target.”
Rolling her eyes Celestia used her magic to take a sip from her mug of water. She knew she had the time to do this since the crowd was now laughing at her expense.
“And this is why I’m glad you don’t get our news networks.” She said with a playful sigh.
“And like I said you uh, you are the poster child... for pure, unadulterated, benevolence. So I want to see what happens when I slowly chip away at that like I’ve done to so many other political figures.” he continued to joke. “I want to see what happens when I push you over the edge.”
Peaking over her beverage Celestia gave Jon a tilt of the head and a miniscule smile.
“I’d be careful about doing that if I were you, Jon.” She said. “The last pony to ‘push me over the edge ended up on the moon.”
To punctuate herself she shot Jon a wink as she slowly took a swig of her water as the host of the show stood up straight and cleared his throat over the crowd who was almost as stunned silent as him.
“So w-what were we talking about before?” Jon said in forced scared and frantic voice with equal measures of humor as he nervously shuffled his notes. “Ah yes, t-television programming!”
“Yes I believe you asked me about some of the first programs I ever watched.” She reminded. Even though his changing of topic was supposed to be more of a joke than anything else Celestia still thought this was still interesting enough issue to pursue.”
“So um... okay so you guys get our shows but we don’t get yours!” he recounted. “So t-tell me what were... what were uh, some of the first human shows you remember watching?”
“Oh goodness me it seems like only yesterday. But, I remember watching such classics as: ‘Effie and Laura,’ ‘The Television Ghost,’The Disorderly Room,’ ‘Ann and Harold,’... just to name a few.” She answered with Jon giving her a look like she suddenly started speaking a different language altogether. “Surely you’ve heard of these, no?”
“Uh well... I... maybe you can uh... give us-- give some more... modern examples.” he suggested.
“Oh of course! About a decade into television introduction I quite enjoyed shows like: ‘On Stage, Everybody,’ oh ‘Faraway Hill’ was a delightful one...” She continued with Jon remaining steadfast in ignorance for what she was saying. “I used love watching programs like ‘Hour Glass,’ ‘Campus Hoopla,’ and ‘Here's How,’ because with those one really got a good idea of human life.”
Like before Jon just looked onwards in absolute confusion as did almost every guest who watched from inside the studio. One or two of the shows she listed somewhat rang a bell but overall he just felt like he was way out of his league.
“Wow... so this is how it feels like.” he commented.
“How what feels like?” Celestia asked.
“How if feels whenever I have a guest from your world on and they have no idea what Im talking about.” he answered. His confusion was expected and completely understandable, which is why she felt guilty for laughing at his expense. Without waiting for her catch her breathe Jon was back on the subject. “Okay so... so, so, so out of all those shows... your-- which was your... which did you watch the most?”
“You mean from some of the first ones broadcasted?” She questioned.
“Yes. Out of all the uh... all the oldies I guess you can say... which of them did you enjoy watching the most.” he clarified.
“Well, while they were all excellent in their own rights I will say there is one I quite enjoyed more than the others.” she said. “In fact, I remember this particular show was what cemented my love for television. It was my first favorite show. Though in hindsight I must admit... I’m... a little embarrassed to say what it is.”
This, more than anything else, made Jon glad that she was so willing to answer any and all questions.
“Oh! Now I gotta hear this!” Jon beamed.
“It’s... it’s slightly embarrassing because I used to be obsessed with this show. I remember staying up late so I could watch it and having a royal assistant alert me when it was on so I’d never miss an episode.” She said. “But the thing is this show wasn’t meant for me. By which I mean it was a show for kids so I wasn’t the target audience. But I loved it all the same.”
“And that show was?” Jon pushed.
“You might have heard it of it actually since it lasted quite a long time for a show that early in Television’s history.” She said. “It was about a man and a puppet called ‘The Howdy Doody Show.’”
Based on past results Celestia was almost certain that both he and the audience would once again have no idea what she was talking about. But to her surprise a fair amount of audience members had looks of realization on their faces, but none was more evident than Jon.
“Oh! Howdy Doody!” Jon blurted. “I know that show! Heck I love that show.”
“Is that so!” she responded with such enthusiasm her wings fluttered. “Did you watch it when you were a child.” Her question made Jon somewhat offended.
“I’m not THAT old.” he said with a huff. “That’s more my parents generation, not mine. But still I have seen some recordings of it and yeah... pretty funny stuff.”
“I see.” Celestia noted. “Well if you don’t me asking, what were--”
Before she could finish there a bright, though very brief, flash of yellow light above the two; as if Jesus himself was signalling his arrival. What followed was something a single object falling onto the table in between Jon and Celestia.
Due to the nature of this sudden occurrence both of them yelped in surprise. Despite the fact that they both were used to seeing this happen almost on a daily occurrence... in this context however they just didn’t expect it to happen during a showing.
Because of the cylindrical shape of this new object it slowly bounced and rolled its way towards Jon before stopping. It was a parchment which arrived on a wave of green flame and smoke, he had a pretty good idea of where it came from.
Not knowing what to do at the time just Jon stared at the tiny scroll, unlike mail in this world there was no indication of who it was for from it’s exterior. Despite not knowing who it was for Jon was now working under the assumption that it was for Celestia who at this point realized this as well. Slowly, and with a smug look about him, he alternated to looking at it and his guest who, once again, was trying to use her hair to hide her now red face.
“Ahem!” John cleared his throat as he reached down, took the scroll up letter and presented it to her. “I think it’s for you.”
Using the simplest forms of magic Celestia made the parchment hover over to her but not opening it, while the sound of the audience laughing filled the rooms. Without actually looking at it she tilted her head to the side so she could address Jon more direct in an attempt to do damage control.
“My goodness this... isn’t this embarrassing. It would seem Spike forgot I was on television and sent me a letter.” she tried to play out with a chuckle and smile, but the slight wavering tone of her voice told everyone how mortifying this was for her. “I’m... I’m certain t-this is just an accident! Yes, yes that must be it! He probably just mistakenly scorched a random piece of paper to on accident! It certainly wouldn’t be the first time this has happened.”
Without a word Jon just piled on the awkwardness of the situation by just staring at his guest with a look about him as if to say “yeah... sure.”
Using her magic she rotated the parchment in air to get a better idea of where it start and ended. Eventually finding the sport where it was sealed... this elevated her shock expression to that of dread. Jon had noticed this when it had first arrived but now that she had it up close Celestia saw that it had the royal Equestrian insignia stamped on with a wax seal.
“Oh dear,” she sighed with Jon taking a head start on laughing at her. “This is for me.”
“Well... in that case,” Jon said after catching his breath. “Go ahead and read it.”
“Oh well I don’t think--” Celestia tried to counter.
“No really,” he interrupted, remaining intransient. “I insist.”
Using the time spent by the audience laughing at her Celestia carefully, though begrudgingly, broke the seal and unfurled it without at all looking at it. She herself had a good idea of might be written down but at the same time she was determined to try brush this off as not a big deal.
“Well... again I’m sure this is just a misunderstanding! In fact I’m all but certain he has a very reasonable explanation ” Celestia extemporaneously defended once more as she held the now fully exposed letter up to her face like a mirror. Jon was less than convinced. “Trust me I know Spike, and he wouldn't interrupt such an important meeting like this unless it was absoutly important or some kind of emergen...”
Stopping mid way through her interpretation Celestia froze in place. Her body was stiff but her eyes were darting back and forth reading, then re-reading her letter. The look of of disappointment on her face was enough for Jon to preemptively laugh.
“Well...” Jon began. “What does it say.” For a moment it looked like she was about to respond with an attempt to divert from the issue but the look on Jon’s face told her that he wasn’t going to let this go. Defeated Celestia took a deep breathe and read the note word for word.
“It... it says... ‘Dear Princess Celestia... please....” Celestia said trying her hardest to not laugh at herself by holding her breath which only made her more red. “Please don’t forget to tell Jon... I said ‘hi’... love... Spike.’”
With a look of mortification on her face Celestia delicately hovered the scroll closer to herself like she was reading it again but was in fact trying to cover her face. She did this to a chorus of echoing laughter from half the audience and a round of applause from the other half for going through with sharing her mail and being a good sport about it.
This was definitely a case of laughing with rather than at but Celestia was nevertheless ashamed that this happened. Not just because it interrupted something that she had been looking forward to but because this could have potentially caused harm to the integrity if Jon’s show.
“I’m... I’m terribly sorry about this, Jon!” she pleaded. “I don’t... I have no idea why Spike would do this! He’ usually so much more careful about when to send me letters.”
“Oh I know he is,” Jon replied with a devilish smile. “Which is why I asked him to send you that letter during this segment!”
It was at that moment that Celestia lost control. Control over the magic used to keep the letter afloat, control over her forced calm expression which made her jaw drop, and control over 1000s of years of princess training and etiquette that made her the proper and well adjusted leader that she was.
“You what! Jon! How. Could. You. Do that!? She exclaimed, punctuating each statement by swatting his head with her wing in a playful, though frustrated manner. “Good heavens you... you could have told me this sooner!?”
“What, and miss you freaking out over it? Yeah right!” Jon scoffed. “Seriously thought that look on your face was priceless!”
With her cheeks puffed out in frustration Celestia looked like she was about to unload on Jona gain but this time subjected herself to staying put at the laughter from the audience showed no signs of letting up.
As much as she wanted to scold Jon or even get back at him she reminded herself that she was on TV and with that came a certain degree of civility that she was determined to try and maintain for the sake of the show. But she wouldn't forget this either.
“I’ll get you back to this someday, Jon.” she thought as she smiled to herself and shook her head. “Someday.”
“So then... where were we?” Jon said.
“Excuse me.” Celestia said after another deep breath.
“Before we were so... hilariously interrupted.” Jon began with a stifled giggle. “I believe you had a question for me.”
Her eyes were still glaring at Jon every once of her body wanted to revert back to her childhood and tackle Jon into a headlock like she used to do with Luna when they played as kids. But for the sake of her image she decided to play along and salvage whatever dignity she had left.
Tearing her gaze away she tilted her head and tried to think of what they were talking about before the letter arrived. Doing so just made her relieve the embarrassment that had just happened but soon she did remember what she tried to ask.
“Ah yes I... I remember now. I asked you...” She said before pausing for a bit to look up into the sky jokely like she was expecting to be interuppted again. “I believe I asked you about the television programs you watched when you were a child.”
“Ah yes that’s right. Well... to answer your question when I was a kid when I was a kid I mostly watched sitcoms, comedy shows, game shows uh... much like yourself I’d imagine. As for any specific shows... well... off the top of my head I used to watch the Beverly Hillbillies... uh the uh... Bewitched... Oh, I used to love Green Acres!.” Jon listed... pausing a moment to think. While growing up he watched a variety of shows he wanted to list the popular ones so as to not lose any viewers. “My parents got me into I Dream of Jeannie, Little House on the Prairie... and I think one of my first influences as a comedian was watching programs, The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Dean Martin Show, Red Skelton, Hazel, and the Freddie Prinze show. And uh... but I uh... but I also used to love to stay up late to watch some of the more... I guess you could say action shows like the fugitive, the Saint, and the green hornet.... really anything with the world ‘the’ in front of it was for me.”
“Well... would it surprise you if I were to say that I too... watched all those shows that you just listed?” Celsetia asked.
“No! Get out!” Jon proclaimed with a smile on his face he could not hide even if he tried.
“It’s true... I was a big fan of television from around that era I’ll have you know.” She said with a smile that equaled Jon’s. “Charlies angels, Leave it to Beaver, The little Rascals, Hawaii 5.0, The Cosby Show, My Three sons... I watched them all.”
“You know what old show probably made you really confused about our world?” Jon submitted. “Mister Ed.”
“Ah yes the show about a talking horse in the human world.” Celestia recalled fondly. “That did have some ponies scratching their heads... I also watched that show as well.”
“This... this to me is just crazy!” Jon said as he braced himself by by placing both hands on his head. “I keep... I keep thinking... okay, whenever I have a guest from Equestria here and I even mention an old show I liked they give me a blank stare but you... you really know your stuff!”
“I keep telling you Jon I have been around for quite some time... whereas Television has only existed for almost 70 years now. For me seven decades passes in the blink of an eye.” Celestia stated which to Jon sounded more like bragging than anything else. “From I love Lucy and Honeymooners to Seinfeld and Community I’ve watched a fair share of TV shows.”
While and impressed looking Jon nodded his head the audience applauded the guest and even cheered a fair bit at her mention of the last show on her list. There was a point that Jon wanted to lead into by now but he tucked it away for the time being in favor of trying something new.
“Okay, okay... since you fancy yourself a TV connoisseur,” Jon teased with dainty wagging his fingers in the air. “I’m going to give you a pop quiz.”
“At the risk of sounding like... some other pony I know... a pop quiz actually sounds rather lovely.” Celestia chuckled. “I haven’t been given one of these since I was but a mere filly.”
“Alright then! Here we go...” Jon said before clearing his throat and pretending to warm up by stretch his shoulders and trying to crack his knuckles. “Who was... the character added in the final episodes of the Brady Bunch.”
“Cousin Oliver.” Celestia answered almost immediately. Leaving Jon somewhat surprised enough that he took a second to ask another question.
“Um... what was JJ Walker’s catchphrase.” he continued, remaining perfectly quiet to allow her time to think. Though rather than answering in the traditional sense Celestia first clopped her front hooves together whereupon she shifted them to either side of her almost like he was shrugging.
“It was dynamite. Or as he would pronounce it... Dyn-o-mite.” She answered, though much to Jon’s disappointment, not in the traditional tone of voice. “That’s an easy one.”
“Okay, okay!” Jon said looking very impressed “What was... the name... of the boat that the cast of Gilligan's Island crash landed on the Island with?”
This time Jon had her.
Unlike before Celestia actually looked like she was in deep thought, and the laughing from the audience wasn’t helping her in terms of concentration. She certainly knew of the show but it had been awhile and this was a rather specific question. After it was clear that she didn’t know off hand he decided to step in.
“Want a hint?” he offered.
“Please.” she chuckled.
“The name of the boast... is actually in the lyrics of the show’s theme song.” Jon remembered as the last second. This time around Jon could see spark of knowledge within his guest. Thought the fact that she still didn’t answer told him that she needed time time to think. What followed was enough to make Jon break his silence and laugh profusely.
“Okay let’s see now... hmmm.... uh... juuuust sit right back and you’ll hear a tale... a tale of a fateful trip... da, da, da, da, da, da, da... aboard this tiny ship...” She sang to herself in a hush and rhythmless tone. In her effort to get this question right she actually began to sing the opening theme song. Jon could hardly breathe. “... The Skipper brave and sure. da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, a three hour tour.... something something...The tiny ship was tossed...If not for the courage of the fearless crew the Minnow wou-- Minnow!... The ships was called Minnow.”
“Very Good!” Jon congratualted while the crowd did the same. “Next question. Name five old western TV shows.”
“Western?” Celestia asked.
“You know... with cowboys and indians and all those things.” Jon elaborated.
“Ah, ah yes of course... well then...” Celestia responded before arching her neck back in thought. “Okay... there was of course Lone Ranger... everypony knows that... and then we have... let’s see here... The Virginians, Wagon Train, Rifleman, and Big Valley... and just for good measure there was also Bonanza.”
Rather than cheering the audience remained silent and were now glaring at Jon to see whether or not she had passed. The way he smiled and shook his head in amazement was all they needed.
“Impressive... okay how bout this!” Jon said before pausing a couple of seconds to think of a new topic. “Name... ten buddy cop shows. Shows that had that Trope of a pairing cops who were also best buds.”
“Goodness where to I even start?” Celestia joked before once again arching her long neck in thought. “Alright let’s see... there was Jake and the fatman, Starsky and Hutch, CHiPs... there was also TJ Hooker, Simon And Simon was a good one... every Law and order ever made in every season. Not too long ago there was one with two women by the name Rizzoli & Isles... and to finish this off I’ll say Sledge Hammer!, Randall and Hopkirk, and Miami Vice.”
Again Jon was impressed to the point of silence. Even he had to admit that, while he himself recognized the shows Celestia had listed, it had been years since he had ever heard anyone talk about them
“Okay last one!” Jon warned without having to wait to think of a new topic. “Name ten no twelve shows that are spin-offs from other programs!”
“Very well then; this should be easy enough. Well not too long ago I mentioned the show Jake and the fatman which in itself was a spin-off from Matlock. That rather intellectual show Frasier was a Spin-off from Cheers... and from that same era there was a show called The Facts of Life which came from another show called Diff'rent Strokes.” Celestia listed efforlessly. “I don’t know if you recall but a long time ago there was a program called ‘Love, American Style’ and from that show we got ‘Happy days’ which itself spawned several spin offs, two of which were ‘Laverne and Shirley’ and ‘Mork and Mindy.’ And ‘All in the family’ gave us both “Maud’ and “The Jeffersons.’ Also, do you recall a show called the ‘Carol Burnett show?’”
“Are you kidding me? I used to love that show!” Jon answered. “Carol Burnett is one of the greats.”
“Well interesting case with her because that show was a sketch show which had a lot of talent both on and off the stage. For example some of talent on that show later went off to make their own show called ‘Mama's Family.’” Celestia continued. “And the people who produced Carol’s show also produced a show called ‘The Tracey Ullman Show’ which featured a cartoon called ‘The Simpsons’ which is the most successful spin-off in TV history; and that show gave us Futurama.. And finally last but certainly not least... ‘the Colbert Report’ was a spin-off of your show ‘The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.’
Upon finishing Jon’s final quiz the audience began to applaud the knowledgeable Princess and her seemingly vast amount of intellect towards the medium of which she devoted so much of her time to. Impressed by how much she knew while at the same time never once faltering, as if she had been practicing for this all her life.
Jon himself marveled as well, not so much at his guests ability to recollect such details but for another reason entirely.
“Okay see... here’s what I don’t understand. You’ve watched all these fantastic shows over uh... over the years... all with great talent too! You got your Sherman Hemsley, your Mary Tyler Moore, your Roger Moore, I mean you... you’ve seen so many fine programs and actors come and go countless times over, following them since the day they first appeared. You probably know more about the medium than I myself.” Jon summarized. “So my question to you is... with all this background... how the hell is this your favorite show?”
His continuing self deprecation was met head on by the crowd once again cheering and applauding. This time feeling like it was more for Jon than Celestia. Although some audience members couldn't help but laugh at both parties expressions of disbelief; Celestia looking the way she did because she was surprised that Jon would say such a thing and Jon himself wondering why she would even like this show at all.
But Celestia knew that this just part of the act so once the crowd stopped cheering enough for them to speak she decided to answer as straight as she could.
“For the most part I just feel like your show, as well as your brand of humor resonates with me like no other show has done before. I realize of course how unsatisfactory of an answer that is but it’s true and I think only recently I know why.” Celestia said with Jon dropping his hands on the table, clasping them together in silence. “Think back to every show I mentioned before. Now then, here’s my pop quiz for you... what do they all have in common.”
“They’re all sitcoms.” Jon answered, not having to think about the question at all as he noticed this about 12 name dropes ago.
“Yes exactly... and you might not know this but those kinds of shows are the only ones we get in Equestria.” Celestia revealed to a now more intrigued Jon who along with the audience had just learned something new.
“You guys... only get sitcoms?” Jon asked sounding only somewhat disbelieving.
“More or less that’s right. We don’t get human news agencies or even live broadcasts of current events.” She further explained. “For some reason the only kind of shows we get are cartoons, sitcoms, series that deal with drama, comedy, or anything of that nature... but never the news.”
“... You are so lucky.” Jon sighed in such a way that made it sound like he was in pain. Both the guest and audience shared a quick chuckle as they were very much au fait with his opinions on modern day news networks. “Okay so... so basically your viewing habits are virtually the same as mine when I was five.”
“Though I’m sure you appreciate that now, as an adult, you have the capacity to enjoy other programs of a more serious nature. Right?” Celestia asked.
“Hell no; being old sucks. If I could stay home all day watching cartoons with my kids I would!” Jon responded, once again resulting in everyone laughing. “See that’s why I love having Maggie and Nathan around. I can watch all the cartoons I watch and I doesn’t look weird. Currently our favorite show to watch is Gravity Falls over on uh, Disney Channel.”
“And the voice actress who plays Mabel on Gravity Falls is Christian Schaal. Who used to be a correspondent on this very show.” Celestia added.
With a mixed look of surprise and being impressed Jon leaned back in his seat and gave his guest a silent nod as the audience briefly cheered as her continuing demonstration of television knowledge.
“Very good. So okay you uh... okay let me ask you this... you-- we already know that you don’t get the news... uh, but uh, what about radio transmissions?” Jon asked. “Before the TV the radio was the goto entertainment device for uh, f-for households.”
“I’m afraid not.” she answered. “For whatever reason it seems TV signals were the only things strong enough make it too Equestria.”
“So that also means you’ve never seen our human movies.” he guessed. “Seeing... seeing as how they’re not broadcasted in theatres.”
“Well... only if we’re lucky and a network plays it several years after it’s shown in theatres of course.” she responded. “
“Too bad.” Jon commented. “There are a lot of great movies out there. And as technology evolves their only getting better.”
“I was tempted to ask if I could go to the cinema before the show but I didn’t want to risk being late.” Celestia admitted.
“Maybe we can do it next time.” Jon offered. “And maybe bring your sister... I know of the perfect movie for her to watch.”
“Oh? What movie would that be?” she asked.
“Why one of the first official films ever made. ‘A trip to the moon.’ BOOM!” Jon roared as he pumped his fists as Celestia winced slightly at having walked straight into that. “BOOM!”
“Shall we get back on the topic at hand?” Celestia asked in a overly professional tone to juxtapose Jon’s silly antics.
“Of course, of course,” Jon said, his smile making it hard for Celestia to not laugh herself. “Now then where were we? Ah yes you guys uh... you only get a certain types of programs.”
“That is correct.” she confirmed. “None of which are news networks.”
“Not even... w-what about sports?” Jon asked.
“Sports aren’t shows so much as they are broadcasted events. So no... no sports.” Celestia said before a devilish smile found it’s way onto her face as an idea took root in her mind. “However... I do know enough about human athletics to admit that my favorite baseball team is the Yankees.”
“SON OF A BITCH!” Jon roared as he slammed his hand on his desk only to sweep his hands across to send his notes flying in the air. Eliciting a wave of laughter from both his audience and guest.
It wasn’t until a small portion of the crowd started to playfully boo her that Jon came back to the interview, though not to her defense.
“Yeah what they said.” Jon agreed pointing to that same group of audience members, making them shift to laughter as a result.
“But yes as I was saying... I think more than anything this is why I like your show the way I do. With no human news program being able to broadcast in my world I, as well as so many other ponies, only had serialized TV shows to get a glimpse of what Human life was like.” she explained. “But your show is different... your program is a parody of the News Agencies. And while ‘the Daily Show’ isn’t the first and by no means will be the last program to draw it’s comedy from political satire and current events I do think it’s the best example in a long, long time. For awhile I watched human programs but at the same time knew very little about what was going on in the real human world. Your show exposed me to all of that and made me laugh in the process.”
For a moment It looked as if the crowd was gearing up for another round of applauding but Jon sensed this and quickly stepped in before it could even elevate past a light cheering.
“You know... I’d argue on how much... uh, on how much validity one can... have for human even solely based on my show. But at the same you are not alone. There are a lot of young people who... literally this their only source of coverage for major events... and that’s sad.” Jon admitted to only to slump slightly in his seat and sport a face of forced depression. “But what’s even more sad is that compared to other... ‘news’ programs out there... well you know my position on modern day news outlets so let’s just say there you could do a lot worse.”
This time Jon allowed his audience to laugh.
“While you may feel that wasy I am being serious when I say that since watching your show I have learned a lot about human culture.” Celestia maintained.
“Well then why not educate yourself by um... I don’t know watching a documentary or something on the History channel or something like that.” Jon suggested.
“We don’t seem to get that either. I’ve only ever heard of that network through other shows making fun of it.” Celestia answered. “For some reason we only get shows are part of a on screen narrative. For our human broadcasting shows the rule of thumb is if it has a laugh track we get it, but if it’s a life broadcasting of an event we don’t.”
“That’s a shame.” he commented. “Because TV played a large role in human history, America’s especially.”
“I know! Trust me Jon I know!” Celestia acknowledged dejectedly. “You’ve seen some pretty miraculous events in human history that I still haven’t viewed.”
“No kidding. I mean you have such historic moments like the uh... t-t-the Kennedy and Nixon Debate, the first presidential debate ever broadcasted that showed how television impacted politics.. Then there’s the uh, then you, you, you have the famous speech where Nixon resigns, first ever in history, and then clip of Nixon leaving in his helicopter.” Jon listed. “Not to mention the famous... Frost/Nixon interview where David Frost got Nixon to admit what he did. And then there was the time where Nixon-- w-what I’m trying to say here is Nixon really made watching TV fun.”
“I’m sure he did,” she chuckled. “Though I was referring to such famous cases like... the Tiananmen Square Protest which gave western audiences a look into foreign affairs for the first time. Or even the falling of the Berlin wall which showed the influence your country had on other around the world. And of course the famous Apollo 11 moon landing and how it demonstrated the advancements of science ”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, those were cool I guess.” Jon admitted in a dismissive tone. “But did you see that episode of ‘Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In’ where Richard Nixon said ‘Sock it to me!?’”
Looking towards the audience as if waiting for them to give her the Okay to continue Celestia took a moment to let out a small tired sigh while simultaneously trying not to shows signs of laughter.
“I... yes I do remember seeing that episode.” She admitted. With Jon awkwardly trying to lean forward and laugh at the same time.
“Listen Celestia I really appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule just to appear on a show which, let’s face it, you probably won’t even remember 10,000 years from now.” Jon shrugged as his guest looked absolutely shocked that he would say such a thing. Before she could complain he was right back his typical outro. “But hey before you go can you stay five minutes after the show and we’ll just throw the rest up on the web?”
“Jonathan it would be my absolute pleasure!” she answered. “To be honest I can’t believe you’d even have to ask.”
“Oh trust me my friend it’s gonna get much worse from here on out.” Jon warned as he slowly turned to face the audience while still glaring at his guest.
“Wait.. how much worse.” Celestia asked with Jon readying himself to address the audience before turning back.
“Uh... put it this way... there are some jokes I’ve kept especially for the web portion of the interview.” Jon explained. “Because you I wouldn't get away with them on cable.”
For a brief moment the guest actually looked concerned before shaking her head and giving the host a warm smile.
“Well like I said I don’t want any special treatment.” She reminded. “So... please don’t hold back.”
“I’m holding you to that!.” Jon commented before turning once again to the guests. “Princess Celestia everyone! We’ll be right back!”
The crowd jumped to their feets and cheered not just at another chance to witness an Equestrian interview but also for the added bonus that another segment was promised to them. Their screams were so loud and constant that Jon could barely hear himself as he leaned in to whisper something into Celestia’s hear.
Never before had he seen his audience so excited for an interview. Even before asking for her to actually arrive he knew he’d have to make this longer or else risk his own fans turning on him.
As the camera zoomed out and into a higher position the shot of Celetia and Jon could be better seen as the two spoke to each other. Soon both stood up and embraced each other in a hug with Jon almost completely vanishing behind Celestia’s tich wings which were now wrapped around him.
From there less of the two was seen when the Daily Show logo flew on screen from off camera and promptly left the opposite direction. From there would be a series of commercials and then as always the moment of zen. But for those physically in the studio and those willing to check at Daily Show’s website there was still much more to come.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
The Daily Show’s main website, which contained recent episodes in their entirety, had a stable viewer rate. With more modern viewers preferring to watch television shows on their computer or smart phones more money had to be issued for hire decent programmers and designers to made this website more appealing. And when the higher ups saw the traffic it got they figured it was a worthwhile enterprise to keep on funding.
And while there were slow days where not a lot of people were looking up old episodes, usually when Jon went on vacation and the show was on temporary break, overall the website had a moderately high amount of viewers.
But every now and again the amount of people visiting the site would skyrocket. This always, always happened when Jon had a popular guest on the show and he managed to convince them to stay after the show for an extended interview that was to be only seen online. When this happened viewers would flock to the extended interview section and those who had invested interest in the website, like those who designed it, those who had ads on it, and those who funded it got to see how high traffic was.
But in the case of Celestia everyone was shocked to find that the number of people who were on the cite was low... the lowest it had ever been. In fact... it was flat out zero. The reason being that Celestia’s interview was being followed by so many people that when it ended and everyone scrambled to to see the rest the entire website crashed as a direct result of heavy traffic.
The very same tech workers who ran and maintained the web page had to work a full 24 hours to make sure it ran smoothly. Further fueling the idea that having this website in the first place was the best investment Comedy Central every made.
As swiftly as it could the Daily Show logo made it presence known by gliding on screen as the camera zoomed in on Jon and Celestia who just moments ago were embracing each other while waving at fans that the interview was over.
Now that the local recording was over the camera’s feed shifted and was ready for the portion that was to be viewed only on the internet. For those watching at home on the computers the tagline directly under the Daily Show’s logo read ‘Exclusive’ which was the tell tale sign that what was to come was the unedited, unfiltered, and extend portion of the interview portion of the show.
Jon couldn’t hardly wait to begin
“So we’re here with Celestia talking about the advancements... i-i-in television and how it’s benefited both humans and ponies in understand the world around us.” Jon stated now turning back to face his guest. “What I find.... uh, incredible... about you is that you’ve been watching our programs for so long... and now that you’ve uh... you, you, you yourself say that you’ve learned a lot... about human culture through programs such as... uh, uh, such as mine.”
“That is very true.” Celestia said. “I’ve been watching this show since the day you took over and I’ve enjoyed your covered of a variety of issues.”
“Well see you-- let me just say this. If that’s the case... how the hell are you still interested in us?” Jon asked as everyone in the room chuckled. “If you seriously got most of your information on humans through my show I would, uh I would... think that you would assume... all humans are greedy, selfish assholes I mean common!”
“You do tend to focus on the harsh realities of the world and I think that more than anything is what makes your program so great. Because you not only hold up a mirror and reflect an aspect of that back at the viewer but you also do it in a comedic way. Which I respect because that takes skill.” Celestia praised with Jon waving his hand at her like what she was saying was no big deal. “And for that I’d like to once personally thank you. “Because it’s through this satirical artform of yours that I’ve learned much about you and your people.”
“You see you-- okay what gets me you act like... l-like you’ve only ever known about humans through my show.” Jon commented. “But really you’ve been watching TV for... I’d say longer than anyone ever in history and my show’s only been around a little over a decade. Before me how did you keep up to date on what was going on in human life?”
“Honestly... we didn’t.” Celestia answered with almost guilty smile. “Our knowledge of human events and culture was and always has been limited to what we saw on television. Sometimes this has proved to be a helpful research tool... and other times... it was just very confusing.”
“So just to recap... you’re telling me that for awhile you and your people learned about human life based solely on what was being broadcasted on TV.” Jon surmised as he adjusted what little notes he still had left. “If that’s the case I’m happy to say... congratulations you're pretty much on level with a majority of American citizens in terms of cultural understanding.”
“Oh Jon!” Celestia moaned as the crowd cheered in agreement. “Don’t say that.”
“Okay I’m... okay if I can be serious for a second here... honestly... and I mean Applejack honestly... I’m glad you uh... made contact with me when you did.” he revealed while pointing at her and then at the camera. “Because had-- if you didn’t...and you continued to piece together what we’re like only through the kinds of shows you guys get... you might’ve thought every human spoke english, every highschooler was in their 20’s, and every one was either a doctor, a cop, or a lawyer.”
The stifled giggle from Celestia echoed throughout the stadium and sounded like a mouse squeaking in the distance. Mostly this was because the remembered thinking not too long ago that shows involving doctors, and police were getting more and more popular as of late. Jon’s observation was right on the money.
“You know it’s funny you should say that. Because before I allowed our two worlds to intertwine I had a fair share of misconceptions about human living.” she admitted bashfully. “For years I saw so many recurring themes and in a number shows I always just assumed that they were truth.”
“I’m uh... almost afraid to ask” Jon admitted, with his smile telling a different story. “If you don’t mind sharing... what are-- what were some of these... misconceptions?”
“Oh well let’s see. Although it may seem silly now, I used to think that it was customary for humans to hang the phone on other without saying ‘good bye.’ and that it was socially expected that overweight males would marry attractive wives .” Celestia answered, feeling slightly embarrassed revealing such errors on her part while Jon just chuckled to himself like a school child. “There was also a point in time where I believed that there was only one school per town... which, in my mind, would explain why the smartest, simplest, richest, and poorest student would be in the same class.”
From this Jon’s chuckling soon exploded to laughter along with his audience. As an actor who had been in both movies and television he had seen these common cliches dozens of times but was so used to it he rarely paid it any mind. But now that he was hearing it from someone outside the medium looking in he realized just how unrealistically hilary they were.
“I’ve also watched a number of action dramas in my time... and from there I was once under the impression that humans had very weak heads. It seemed to me that all it took to completely render a human unconscious would be to strike them on the head no; matter the velocity.” She continued. “That and I also used to suspect that human guns never ran out of ammunition.”
“Let me... let me guess.” Jon joined in the fun. “I bet you also noticed... uh... people never locking their doors. People... uh turning on the TV only... right at the same time that the news channel starts talking about them. The ... the, the, the bad guys attacking the protagonist one at a time... instead of... uh, rather than an all out group attack. Guy never getting fired from his job despite being horrible at it. And the classic no one ever uses the toilet.”
Half the crowd cheered at Jon’s assessment while the other half laughed at the look on Celestia’s face. She looked terribly surprised like Jon had just read her mind. Something which, were it not for the fact that he was a magicless human, she might have considered as a possibility.
“That’s is... simply uncanny!” she commented. “Those are all common occurrences that I myself have noticed time and time again.”
“These are what we in the business call tropes.” Jon revealed. “And trust me you're not the first person, er pony to notice them.”
“On that note I just remembered another... as you call it trope.” Celestia smirked. “I was once under the impression that every human spoke clearly without ever having to pause to think. Because in every show I ever used to watch the actors would speak without falter.”
“Well that’s... see that’s because they’re uh, reading from a script.” Jon interjected.
“Well yes I realize that but since I had never seen a human in person for it was equal odds of that being the case or all humans just had superlative linguistic skills.” Celestia reasoned while trying her best to hid a smile. “But eventually I did realize that this wasn’t the case well before my making contact with your world.”
“Oh really?” Jon pondered out loud. “What uh... w-what made you realize that regular people stutter and trip over their words?”
“Watching you... on this show.” Celestia giggled. Since this was more or less an insult to Jon’s character she tried her best not to laugh at his expense. The audience on the other hand had no such self restraint.
Even if he had a quip worthy enough to to count as come back no one would be able to hear it over the sound of the audience. So to that end Jon fell back on visually making his guest feel guilt by pouting his lip and lowering his head in defeat as if he was about to cry.
The crooked look on his face a mixture of forced saddened look and trying not to burst out laughing. This drew a few viewers into siding with him in the form of pitiful ‘awws’ and, as expected, caused his guest to feel sorry.
“Oh Jon, no! I’m sorry!” She pleaded which only made Jon look away. In truth because he was now hiding his own smile. “I was... I was only being facetious!”
“Eeeeh don’t worry it.” Jon said, immediately shrugging it off like it was nothing... mostly because it was. “I’m-- I’ve known... about my improper speech patterns since day one... its... that’s never going away.”
Relieved that all was well Celestia let out a sigh patterned with slight chuckling while the audience lightly applauded their still intact rapport.
“I would just like to point out that this right here is precisely why I enjoy the medium of television so much,” she pointed out. “You and I come from two completely different worlds but we both understand the the culture and preponderance of the genre that we can adequately deconstruct it all the while teasing each other in the process.”
“You really like TV don’t you.” Jon needlessly commented.
“Yes, very much so.” she answered with a beaming smile. “Especially since it brought us together as friends.” This was something that Jon could not deny. The audience chimed in with a light applause before Jon finished nodding in agreement and spoke up once more.
“Well um... okay how bout this.” Jon began. “Is there anything about TV that you... uh... don’t like”
The pause that followed was spent by Celestia sucking air through her teeth like she was debating whether or not to answer.
“Well, if I’m to be completely honest,” she began. “There is... one thing.”
“Oh this I gotta hear!” Jon proclaimed as she scooted himself forward. The idea of Celestia talking ill of
something he did not want to pass up witnessing.
“I have never really liked commercials.” she answered in a noncommittal tone since to her, it wasn’t that big a deal. Yet it was enough of declaration to get the entire audience on her side.
“You... are not alone!” Jon revealed. “Trust me a lot of people don’t-- I mean our own congress has held discussions over how long commercials can be and when uh... when technology came around to record shows, like TVO and the rest... the uh... the, the, the big seeling point was you can fast forward--”
“Through commercials, yes I know. But when it comes to Equestrian citizens we don’t like them for an entirely different reason.” Celestia interrupted.“ I understand that commercials are just advertisements from companies to show off verious goods and services and that’s perfectly acceptable. But when it comes to Equestria and my people... watching human programs we can’t help but feel like we’re... not the target audience.”
“Sheesh no kidding,” he said. “Though having said that I would love to see a pony try to uh, work out one of those exercise bikes you see advertised at 2 am in the morning.”
“Yes but it’s not just that. Sometimes we ponies will see a commercial for something that we might like and want to try out. Like say for example a certain brand of food, or piece of technology that we don’t have access to yet.” she continued. “But of course the drawback is since we are literally worlds apart we don’t have access to any of these. To us... commercials, at least from your world, is dangling a carrot just out of reach. In many way It’s actually quite... annoying to say the least.”
“Well... I would think you’d be used to it by now.” Jon countered. “What with you uh... since you’ve been watching TV for so long.”
“But see that’s just the thing, commercials, really advertisements in general has changed over the last few decades.” she pointed out. “And not for better I find.”
“At this risk of making you sound like the old man who shoos kids off his lawn,” Jon began. “Are you trying to say that things were a lot better in your day?”
“Okay... if I may I’d like to give an example.” Celestia countered.
“Sure.” Jon acknowledged with a wave of his hand.
“You see... back when I first started watching TV the commercials came about in an hourly rate, only a few would show and would usually last a minute and that was it. They were fairly simple and straight to the point.” Celestia recalled. “Then more time was allowed for these ads to appear between, and more frequently between shows. This made it so that, if a show was an hour long, instead it being 51 minutes it would be 41 minutes. And while I understand the need to advertise your product I don’t quite like the idea of it cutting into program time.”
“You say that but it gave us comedians great stand up material.” Jon said as he turned to his audience, while pretending to hold a mike. “I mean what’s the deal with commercials these day? Seems like what they’re doing has nothing to do with the product they’re selling!”
As if they were playing along the crowd laughed as Jon turned again to Celestia.
“But no I get what you're saying.” Jon admitted.
“Yes though what worries me that more and more we see examples latitude being given to these advertisers in way that directly affects the medium. When I first started watching TV a commercial was about a minute long. Then it turned to 30 seconds then 10 seconds so that more could be crammed in one session.” Celestia explained. “But then investors got greedy. The practice was simple-- there was time set aside for ads, and time set aside for the programs and that was the golden standard. But then all that changed over the years. Now we get these... impatient ads that start the very instant a show is over. The ending of a program is supposed to be a time where the viewer can listen to the outro song and, if they want, look at the credits. But now when a show ends that get’s pushed neglected in favor or more ad time.”
“You mean at the end when the squish the credit sequence off to the side so can’t read the names?” Jon accurately guessed. “Then they play a voice over or a little video describing other shows you should watch so you can't hear the show’s ending themes song?”
“Yes exactly!” Celestia blurted loud enough that she was now quite embarrassed. “Which is not only disrespecting to the creators of the show but the viewers as well.”
“Also when they do this they-- marketers will have another add...at the uh, bottom of the preview video.” he added. “Like it’s-- under the video that’s describing... what’s going to happen next you’ll see something like ‘this preview brought to you by’ and whatever company is paying for it.”
“This is exactly what I... dislike about modern televisions, is that ads are creeping into the actual show more and more with no indication of it being less invasive.” Celestia continued to rant. “Like I’m sure you’ve seen this before but shows nowadays have these little ‘bugs’ in the corner of the screen to let you know what station their on.”
“Oh yeah but that’s just a companies logo. It’s meant to be like... like a branding so if you see this show somewhere else you’ll know where you can find more of it.” Jon defended.
“Yes I understand but at times it get’s in the way of the actual show. It only got worse when bottom screen ads came around which are even more obstructive.” she continued. “I’m sure you’ve experienced these as well. Where you’re watching a program and a little distracting sliding banner appears at the very bottom of the screen. Usually to tell you what’s next or something to that effect. And in some cases they’ll give away too much info and just spoil a major plot point in said upcoming show!”
“You know what’s kinda sad... I’ve actually kinda gotten used to those since they’re so common place,” Jon admitted. “I see them so often now I’ve almost learned to tune them out.”
“But thing is sometimes you can’t because in some cases they’re meant to draw attention as much as possible through bright colors or constant motions. And while I somewhat appreciate marketers putting them at the bottom of the screen to be less intrusive I will say that whatever goodwill is lost if the show has subtitles at the same time it’s happening.” Celestia countered. “ANd while we’re on the subject one of the most annoying trends, at least from the Equestrian is when they push for social media. Almost every example of ad pollution we’ve talked about also does a thing where they’ll advertise a Twitter handle. And for a civilization like ours that doesn’t have the internet this can be very bothersome.”
“I like to...think that as we’re both... uh, ragging on these types of-- these kinds of ad that there’s a little bar at the bottom of the screen telling viewers to stay tuned for the Colbert Report or something like that.” Jon joked, chuckling at the idea with both his friend and audience. “Cause for all our talk... the uh, the guys who run Comedy Central are guilty of doing this as well.”
“Oh I know you guys do. But trust me when I say other networks take it a step further. I’ve seen shows where the actual actors in the show will literally talk about a product during the show. Like they’ll discuss going to a restaurant, or brag about how well a home appliance works with their cellphone.” Celestia said looking almost disgusted by this fact. “For years now they’re these kinds of product placement tactics but the way it’s wedged into the narrative of a show’s story neither clever or believeable. Stopping just short of turning to the camera and endorsing it themselves.”
“You know I hate to stop you right now since you're on a roll but I forgot to mention that this portion of the Daily show’s interview has been brought to you by Arby’s!” Jon announced as he turned to face the camera with Celestia laughing in the background. “Arby’s... yeah I guess it counts as food.”
“Well... I suppose we can cross that one off the list as well.” Celestia jested along with him. “See at least you do it in a comical way.”
“Eh, I try. Okay so... okay so we know you don’t like these but forms of advertising... but is it about about modern television do you... do, do, do you not like the most?” he asked. “Like overall what--”
“Well there is something... now I wouldn't say I dislike it but there has been something I have never understood about television.” Celestia hinted at. “That being for whatever reason blood and violence is perfectly acceptable but sex and nudity isn’t. I’ve especially noticed this among more westerns shows.”
“See now your getting into the issue of censorship. Something which, fans of the show, will know how I feel about.” Jon said. “To a degree I am against it.”
“As am I but but what confuses me is the idea of it at in general. Both sex and violence are inherent in all cultures. So the absence of either makes it less relatable.” Celestia said. “But the way agencies choose to censor what and in what fashion seems completely arbitrary.”
“Oh you have no idea! Trust me as a person who works in television there are so many-- it’s like how you-- I can say ‘ass’ and I can say ‘hole’ but I can’t say ‘asshole.’ Or how some shows are allowed to say ‘god’ and ‘damn’ but I can’t say ‘goddamn.’” Jon listed his examples. “But you’re right when... when you say that we here in America we love our violence while at the same time censoring... lewd depictions. And it’s always been in that way. Back in the day the show ‘I love Lucy’ had her and Danny sleep in separate beds, and then there was Ed Sulivan shows and it’s rule that the camera couldn't show below the waist. And of course people lost their minds when Elvis girated his hips.”
Celestia herself was aware of some of these rules but a few of his examples were new to her and it only cemented her idea that this is was unnecessary.
“What I don’t understand is why would people censor something that’s natural and beautiful, in this case nudity, but then glorify something that a society would try to avoid, like violence.” she pointed out. “While I will admit that it makes for great entertainment these regulations, as you can imagine, have very little impact on those who live in my world. A place where nudity is so commonplace that no one acknowledges it. For example, I’m naked and on television, and I’m certain that this isn’t causing much problems for anyone I’d imagine.”
“Weeeeell... you-- eh, nevermind.” Jon said cutting himself off purposely. Rather than letting it go she took his bait. Just ashe planned.
“What is it?” Celestia asked.
“It’s nothing forget.” he answered, knowing that she wouldn't. A part of him was having seconds thoughts about his new idea of his and had she actually let it go he probably wouldn't have gone through with this.
Her persistence would be her undoing.
“Come now Jonathan you can tell me.” She urged. “I hate to push you on this subject but you’ve got me quite curious.” And judging by how much the crowd was cheering at them she wasn’t the only one.
“Well I... it’s just that I was uh... going to make the point by technically... you aren’t naked.” Jon said motioning towards her head and chest. “You’re still wearing your crown and... whatever the hell that thing is around your neck.”
“Why yes... I suppose I am.” She said now glancing at her wears.
“So before when you said you were naked... that wasn’t true.” Jon continued. “I mean everyone else from your world who's been on my show had been. Come to think of it I think you’re the most dressed person from Equestria ever to appear on my show... except Rarity of course.”
“What... are you implying?” Celestia asked, picking up on his tone.
“Look all I’m saying is that before you were talking about how uh... how you don’t approve of the practice of censoring nudity and even... uh, u-used herself as an example.” he pointed out. “And uh... and not only that... but at the beginning of this interview you... you, you, you were talking about how you were a trying to be a princess of the people... and how you were just like them and yet here you are rolling up in a crown and golden slippers.”
By this point the crowd was already whooping and hollering at what they thought Jon was suggesting. Celesthia herself picked up on this as well but she couldn't quite believe that things had came to this. The only way to know for sure, at least in her mind, was to ask directly.
“Jon,” she began. “Are you trying to get me to take off my clothes on television?”
“I am trying to get you to take your clothes off on television, yes.” he answered so immediately he almost interrupted her. Before she could even raise an objection the crowd was already exploding with waves of cheering superseded by applause directly at her.
As a long time fan of the show she knew that Jon’s greatest tactic was using his audience to his advantage. The sound of hundreds of humans chanting and yelling at you was as persuasive as anything Celestia had experienced back home but somehow to an even greater degree. She had heard stories of how great this kind of peer pressure was but to experience it first hand was a humbling experience.
“Look all I’m saying is... you think there’s nothing wrong with nudity on TV and you say you’re just like everyone else who comes here.” Jon reminded. “So in that case... put your money where your mouth is.”
The continuing cheering almost make it impossible for Celestia to make her mental note to get Jon back for this.
“.... Which should I take off first?” she asked.
“Dealers choice.” Jon responded after the crowd somehow found the will to yell even louder.
Knowing that all her friends, family, and loyal subjects would be watching this Celestia couldn't help but roll her eyes and smile at how she managed to get herself in this situation. But at the same time she couldn't complain. She did ask for Jon to not go easy on her. She just didn’t think he’d take things this far.
Getting up from her seat the crowd watched as he one by one lifted each leg to delicately slide a gilded slipper from her hoof. Each landing with a hard clank but unseen since she was behind the parade section of the desk.
It was only she used her magic to lift her royal chestplate off and over her long neck and onto the desk that people began to once again make whooping noises at her. This only turned to laughter once Jon reached over to try and pick it up and place it around his neck. It didn’t fit and his time spent demonstration this made him miss the part where she used her magic to take her crown off and place it alongside her other royal trinkets.
While the crowd loved every minute of this, and cheered her on every step of the way Jon just found it comical at how different she looked now that she wasn’t wearing anything. These two combined reactions were enough to make Celestia blush and turn to the side to hide her face. She wasn’t embarrassed so much by the fact that she was no naked but by the idea that doing so would gain her so much positive attention. It was definitely something she hadn’t felt before.
“Yes well... I think this adequately proves my commitment.” Celestia finally said with a hairflip. “Shall we get back to the interview.”
“I’ll be honest,” Jon began with his hand covering his mouth to hide his toothy grin. “I didn’t actually think you’d go through with it.”
“Shall we get back to the interview!” Celestia repeated with greater emphasis.
“Okay, okay, okay!” Jon finally acknowledged as he saw how determined she was to both continued and not burst out laughing with him. “Okay so... uh okay.... what I’ve... what I’ve noticed is... you-- I mean between your dislike of current advertising and censorship... it seems like... it almost feels like you don’t like moderns TV shows as much as the ones that say you and I grew up on.”
This was a fair enough observation that Celestia momentarily forgot her revealing position and gave herself time to think on his claims.
“Also earlier in the show when I had you list TV programs... a uh... a lot-- quite a number of them weren’t even from this century.” he continued to point out. “So what is... do you feel that shows were better than they are now.”
“I would have to say... that television shows have only gotten better as time has passed. It’s the way they’re formatted by companies and networks that’s the, I hesitate to say, problem.” she answered as diplomatically as possible while noting how much colder she now felt. “I feel like the upgrade in technology and competitive nature have really elevated the artform. As much as I love the TV shows of old there are modern programs that I love without a second thought.”
“Such as?” Jon asked.
“Well we’ve already adequately discussed my love of this program. And of course your Colleague's own property the Colbert Report holds a place in my heart. Shame he’s leaving it though.” Celestia reminded which made Jon sigh loudly in a jokingly way. “Which reminds me Stephen Colbert is leaving to host ‘The late show’ which is a fantastic idea. But I mention this because I’ve always had a thing for late night talk shows. Talk Shows and Sketch shows have always appealed to me.”
“Oh now you're speaking my language!” Jon interjected. “I grew up watching shows like ‘The late show,’ ‘the tonight show,’... and uh... and I enjoyed watching and drew inspiration from shows like ‘In living color’ and ‘Saturday Night Live.’”
“And, like your show, these programs have a specific format where they address current social and political issues in a satirical way. Which, as we’ve already discussed, I quite enjoy because it means I get to learn more about your people.” she pointed out before a realization washed over her face. “Actually... now that I think about it there is one television program that relatively new and I watch almost everyday. I quite enjoy this particular show because it’s a humours panel show that’s meant to educate as well as as have fun. Like your show I’ve learned a great deal from watching it.”
“A panel shows huh?” Jon commented. “The only ones that spring to mind are shows like ‘Whose line is it anyway,’ ‘Holywood squares,’ and ‘@midnight.’ But I don’t think those are the ones you’re talking about.”
“I’m afraid not and I’m afraid you're in the wrong hemisphere. Think more Eastern than Western,” Celestia hinted, though it only made Jon shake his head in confusion. “Right. Well allow me to just tell you. It’s a show over on the BBC called ‘Quite interesitng’ or ‘QI’ for short”
A few members audiences members cheered at her name drop. Not enough to cause a more proper stir but enough for Jon to look at their direction with continuing looks of confusion and uncertainty.
“I’ve uh... never heard of it.” Jon said almost monotonously.
“Oh! You haven’t! It’s a fantastic show that’s been around since the mid 2000s. The basic premise is there’s a quiz master and four comedians, and sometimes celebrities, much like your standard panel show. Every season is a new letter of the alphabet which determines the theme and the participants win points based on the correct answers or in some cases how funny they’re responses are.” she explained. “You’d love this show because it’s format resembles a classroom. You have the quizmaster as the teacher teaching the children who in this case are the panelists. And I know you were very much a class clown in your youth which is which is why I know you would enjoy this program because the whole idea is that they’ll take this knowledge and exploit as many jokes they can out of it.”
Leaning back in his chair Jon thought it was very interesting how Celestia was selling this show to him. On the surface it sounded like he’d enjoy it but he couldn't help but realize that both he and Celestia might enjoy it for vastly different reasons.
“So you like this show because the stuff they learn about interests you as someone from another world?” he guessed.
“Yes exactly! It’s funny because part of the show’s charm comes from asking the panelists very basic questions that everyone thinks they know and have them completely get them wrong. Like they’ll ask them what Olympic gold medals are made of, or how many states are there in America” Celestia continued. “And to me it’s endearing to know that in the case of some ideas I’m on the same level intellectually as some of theses humans.”
“If uh... if these-- I mean if this show is so great in terms of teaching you why did it take you until recently to watch it?” Jon asked.
“Well... simply put it’s because while I am learning new things in the end most of what I’ve learned is quite useless to me.” she explained. “Here I’ll give you an example... this is the kind of show where... say they’ll ask you how electricity was discovered. And later they’ll reveal that the Benjamin Franklin got drunk on whisky and instead of a key tied to the end of a kite he used a live mouse and--”
“Wait... did... is that how it really happened?”
“No, no, no, no, no not at all! Well I mean I actually have no idea one way or the other.” she confessed. “But what I’m trying to get across is that this is show lives on new discoveries from preexisting ideas. So on any given show they’ll reveal that this person is the actual one who invented this item, while he was vacationing in this place during the something age of humanity. Which is enlightening but--”
“But since you don't’ know who or what any of these things are it’s ultimately meaningless.” Jon interjected.
“Yes exactly! Without a preexisting frame of reference I can’t properly appreciate this new found knowledge. This is why I put off watching it for so long. But now that I’ve started watching their backlog I find myself quite enthralled.” Celestia chimed. “Aside from learning new things it’s always enjoyable to watch the show degress to grown men and women acting like children as they tease and poke fun at each other”
“Okay so tell us... your-- share with us something you’ve learned from watching this show.” he challenged. “What’s interesting facts have you learned about us since you uh... first started watching ‘QI?’”
For a moment everything regarding the show dried up in Celestia head. Jon recognized this look, it was the same he saw from comedians whenever someone asked them to tell a joke without proper context. But quick on her hooves Celestia quickly responded.
“Well for example I learned that in 2010 a new species of cricket found in Austria that had been around for over a 1000 years.” she recounted. “But the reason no human ever discovered it was because it was so well camouflaged.”
Some of the audience members found this bit of information intriguing enough, as evident by their whispering among themselves. Jon felt the same but he was determined things and light hearted as possible. Which was just his excuse for continuing to tease Celestia.
“And as speaking honestly here... how often does that come up in your line of work?” he asked gaining nothing but laughter from all in response. “How often do you Celestia, god of your world and ruler of all that your survey... how-- when do you ever say to yourself ‘Communications with other kingdoms have gone south and our army is in disarray... Think! Think Celestia what would the australian cricket do at a time like this!?’”
“If I’m to be honest,” Celestia chuckled after a desperate sigh of breathe. “Not very much.”
“Well nevertheless this program does, as the it’s title suggest, seem to be quite interesting,” Jon admitted. “Perhaps I’ll give it a looking at sometime.”
“I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it before,” Celestia said, almost sounding dissapointed. “It’s a very popular show in the UK with, from what I understand, a roster of famous individuals.”
“If you-- if you’re seriously asking why an American isn’t culturally aware of what’s going on in other countries than... you really don’t know us very well.” he jested. “But I will say this... your description of the show DOES sound kinda familiar. I may not be the best with names but I never forget a face. If you were to show me who... uh, I mean what the stage set... of the show looks like I would know right away if I’ve seen it or not.”
“Actually...” Celestia began. “What if I told you I can.”
The nervous look on Jon’s face wasn’t from her suggestion which seemed harmless enough. It was the way she was now looking and smiling at him like she was about to do something wrong.
“What uh... what are talking about?” he asked.
“No need to be nervous, Jon.” Celestia suggested, the mere fact that she just avoided the question already doing that on her behalf. “I’m simply suggesting that I show you what the QI set looks like.”
“Oh uh... alright then.” he agreed to. “Is this like uh... is this like with Celestia only instead of observing my memories you’ll implant some.”
“Hmmmm not quite.” she chimed. “I actually have something... a bit more intricate. Shall I demonstrate?”
Between the two of them there was a bond of absolute trust. Even now Jon was slightly hesitant but the fact that it was Celestia sitting in front of him quelched any uncertainty on his part.
“Uuuuh yeah sure... g-go ahead.” he managed to say as he jokingly braced himself by grabbing onto his desk with both hands and shutting his eyes. Little did he realize just how necessary this preparation was.
Had Jon’s eyes been open he would have been hit face first with a stunning blast of light which wouldn't have phased him too much by this point since blinding illumination was bar for the course when dealing with magic. But even he would not have been able to keep his eyes open by what came next, in the form of a strong gust of wind currently colliding with his face.
This powerful flow of air came from Celestia but for some audiences, who were also started to feel it’s chilling effects, noted that it wasn’t coming from her wings but almost from her horn. After several seconds the explosion of senses that surrounded Jon eventually stopped leaving him wondering what just happened.
The confusion only deepened when he opened his eyes to find that instead of Celestia he was now looking directly at the audience. Not at all uncommon for his show but the fact that he was no longer on his own show which got him uncharacteristically silent.
Working at the Daily Show for as long as he did meant that he knew the place inside and out, backwards and forward. And while this new location had all the amenities of a TV set, completel with stage, cameras, and an audience in rows of bleachers, this wasn’t his show. There were slight changes in small details that told him that but the biggest sign was the fact that he was no longer on his desk but rather some kind of semi-circled desk that dipped onto the floor with two chairs on each side, and a middle one which he currently occupied.
It didn’t take very long before Jon looked to his right to see the only one person occupying a seat. It was Celestia sitting at the one closest to him.
“Uh... Celestia,” he began. “Wh-wh-wha... what is all this?”
“Just a spell a cooked up,” she answered pointing behind him. “Do you remember now?”
Whatever kind of spell this was it was apparently intricate enough to replace Jon’s blue note papers with note cards. This didn't help him anymore than what was currently in front of him. So to move things along, as well as quench his increasing levels of curiosity Jon followed Celestia’s hoof where he was met with a wall that had what looked like a multi-layered bulls eye attached to the wall.
Each circle decorated with a surface of strange writing till it got to the center; which contained a logo. She couldn't see from this angle, since he had his back to her, but narrowed as he studied the centerpiece only to light up when he finally made the connection. Celestia now knew this was the case when he reeled back and almost tripped over his chair in shock; shock brought on not by the realization of where he now was.
“Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! I know this place!” he confirmed which was enough to make Celestia light up the room, sending everyone back to New York. Jon was about to speak when the sudden shift in scenery caused him to falter before again speaking. “I remember now! That was the QI set! Yeah...y-yeah now I remember! I-- yes I have watched that show before! It’s hosted by Stephen Fry! I knew that uh... that set seemed familiar!”
“Glad I could help you with your recollection.” Celestia chuckled.
“You... wait so... wait-- does that mean... does that mean we all were uh... we’re all just... there?” Jon tried to ask. “I mean we’re we really, for a moment at least, in England? Or what that... or was that like... s-s-some kind of illusion.”
Purposefully Celestia avoided the question by taking a sip of water which hid her grin.
“That... is my little secret.” she whispered just loud enough so everyone could hear her. “But putting that aside who would you say is your favorite recurring guest on the show?”
The look on Celestia’s face was one of a fan. Her giddied smile and inability to stay still, anxious to share preferences made it obvious. Which made Jon feel all the more worse for what he was about to do.
“Well uh... actually I uh... I wouldn't really consider myself a fan persay,” he confessed which visibly made his own guest disappointed. “I’ve only watched maybe a couple of episodes. I’m not a devoted follower like you seem to be.”
“Oh dea,” she pretend pouted. “Well that is a rather shame.”
“ To be honest I only ever uh... r-really watched it the first time around... because believe it or not,” he continued. “There was-- one of our correspondents actually made an appearance there once and I tuned in to support him.”
“Is that so?” Celestia responded sounding genuinely surprised. “I wasn’t aware of... hm; interesting. Do tell who was it.” She was moments away from getting her answer when Jon stopped himself mid syllable.
“Actually, you know what? Let’s have some fun with this.” he suggested. “Why don’t you try to guess? Go one give it a try.” This sudden playful side of Jon the kind of tone she loved to see on his show. So one could imagine how she must have felt now that it was being applied to her.
“Well alright then why not!” she beamed as she used her inference skills to pick the right answer. This meant recalling when both shows were first active and which of Jon’s employees were around at the time. “Well.. given the time period in which you both were airing... I would say the most logical choice would be... Jon Oliver since he his of course a former correspondent and is British, as is the case with most actors who appear on the BCC.”
“Hm, not bad! That’s some pretty impressive critical thinking skills ya go there, Princess.” Jon complemented with Celestia almost looking proud of herself. “But... if this was QI this’d be the part where the sirens would be going off because I’m afraid you're wrong.”
Since she wasn’t 100% of her answer Celestia knew there was a chance that she would be wrong. So upon hearing that she got the wrong answer she wasn’t surprised, a tad bit disappointed in herself, but not surprised.
“But you are in right neighborhood.” he hinted. “Think more american. Also you are very close when you said John Oliver.”
The extra emphasis was enough to give it away.
“John Hodgeman?” she accurately guessed. “Your deranged millionaire correspondent?”
“Correct! He appeared on the show in the late 2000’s if I recall. What’s... w-what’s funny was that uh... he was invited on a fifth guest when they usually have four.” Jon began trying to hold back his laughter. “So... so instead of having his own buzzer they uh, they gave him a duck calling whistle to use whenever he wanted to answer a question.”
The more they talked about it the more both parties were starting to recall the episode in question.
“I uh... I also remember that the show uh... they give out points and he-- I remember he actually won that day! It was his first and only appearance on the show and he won.” Jon now recounted. “But I remember now very clearly... he only won because everyone else had negative points!”
After this little reveal Jon took a second to laugh at this own recollection with Celestia debating whether she would explain to him, in detail, that the points system on that show were not an exact science. And how winning wasn’t much of an accomplishment overall but in the end she decided to keep that to himself.
“Yes I remember now-- that was a rather good episode. I was getting my shows mixed up however. John Oliver didn’t appear on ‘QI’ he actually made an appearance on ‘Mock the week,’” Celestia remembered. “Which is hosted by Dara Ó Briain who is a recurring guest on ‘QI’... that’s where I was getting confused.” The look of confusion on Jon’s face was impossible to ignore.
“Uh... huh?” Jon responded. “‘Mock the week?’”
“Yes. It’s another comedy panel show on the BBC. You see on the BBC network there are a lot of comedy actors that go back and forth between these kinds of shows.” she explained. “Dara Ó Briain was on both ‘QI’ and “Mock the week’ as was ‘David Mitchell’ who also appeared on ‘8 out of 10 cats’ which is hosted by Jimmy Carr. And he of course also appears quite frequently on ‘QI’ and has made appearances in ‘Have I got news for you’ and ‘Would I lie to you?’”
“I uh... no I don’t think you would like to me.” Jon answered.
“Oh, no Jon that’s the name of the show.” she clarified which made Jon jokingly shake his head like he just got out of the shower.
“Okay you lost me.” he stated.
“Oh I am sorry. It’s a bit tricky but yes, all of these actors I’ve mentioned have crossed over to each others shows but in the end all roads lead to ‘QI.’” she continued. “It’s quite easy to remember them since they like to lend their talent to wide range of programming.”
“Wow... you really know your uh... your British shows.” Jon noticed. “Do you uh... do you watch the BBC like... everyday or something.”
“Hm, not so much anymore since all they ever show is ‘Top Gear.’” she answered with Jon looking, once again perplexed. “It’s a BBC show about cars which I do not care for. If there’s one thing I can’t bring myself to be interested in is human automobiles. It’s hard when I know nothing about them. But yes I do love my British television shows. I find their sense of humor... intellectually charming.”
“What! You saying american shows ain't classy like they are!?” Jon accused in a broad New York accent before pretending to hock a loogie underneath his desk.
“No. That’s not what I’m saying.” she smiled. “But you can’t deny that their brand of humor is very different than here in the west. British comedy is more dry and clever but at the same time satirical in a quirky way only found across the channel.”
“I repeat... You saying american shows ain't classy like they are!?” Jon echoed still in character. “You saying we ain’t smart like them fruity queen worshipers! Do we not amuse you!? Do we not make you laugh!?”
“No! I’m just saying I enjoy different forms of comedy.” She maintained. “Besides I know for a fact that you love and were inspired by shows like “Benny Hill’ and the ‘Monty Python’ troupe.”
“Grrr, okay you have me there!” he conceded. “Wait hold on... you watched Benny Hill.”
“Of course! Half the time I never understood what he was talking about since I knew very little about life in the UK. But at all other times I used to enjoy listening to his musical numbers and his silent sketches where he relied on slapstick.” she explained. “Oh I used to get such a laugh out of him. To me his was a funny little man who always got himself into trouble, especially when he was trying to connect with the ladies.”
“Ya know I think you would have liked him,” Jon commented. “He also loved watching television. He was a dyed-in-wool TV viewer.”
“Is that right?” Celestia asked in a chipper tone of voice.
“Yep. so much so in fact that he actually died watching TV.” he added.
“Ooooh Jon! I don’t want to hear that!” Celestia moaned in a way that just made her look adorable. Whether or not she was being serious Jon decided to move on.
“Oh uh... sorry... uh so! What other British shows do you uh, do you like?” Jon asked.
“Well... apart from what I’ve already mentioned there are a few others. I’ve always been a fan of ‘Little Britain’ and ‘Are you being served’... and of course sketch shows like ‘The Mighty Boosh’ and ‘Big train.’” She listed with Jon leaning back like each name drop was pushing him away. “Oh! And of course there’s ‘Reeves and Mortimer,’ ‘Black Books,’ ‘Father Ted’ I quite liked those ones. Let’s see... I of course watched ‘Red Dwarf’ and ‘Blackadder,’ they were classics. But I also would tune in to watch ‘Only fools and horses,’Fawlty towers,’ ‘The young ones,’ and ‘Peep Show.’”
“Uh... yeah you lost me again.” Jon commented with both hands over his head like he was having a brain freeze.
“Those are all British shows.” Celestia rebuttled.
“Yeah I got that.” Jon said. “Do you watch any that maybe that... I know of?”
“Actually I’m all but certain you’ve heard of ‘IT Crowd’ and ‘The office.” She answered.
“Ooooh now this is what I'm talking about!” Jon declared. “Those shows are fantastic! Especially ‘The office’ which, as you know, got an American reboot which had Michael Scott as the main character who was--”
“Who was played by Steve Carell,” Celestia interrupted. “Former correspondent of your show.”
“Exactly!” Jon said. “And that show, the original and remake respectively, were pioneers in the world of television because they both got rid of the laugh track in favor of a documentary style format. They basically changed television a bit when they made a new genre called ‘Mockumentary.’”
“That’s true,” she concurred. “And because of them we have shows like--”
Stopping mid sentence Celestia slammed her hoof on the table which frightened Jon so much the rest of his papers flew off the desk.
“OH! I just remembered something!” she proclaimed. “I just remembered something I forgot to tell you!”
“Okay, easy there Dory,” Jon said. “What’s-- what are you talking about?” It took her a few seconds steady breaths to calm herself down enough to speak. She seemed very eager to continue.
“I was simply... overcome by the realization that I had forgotten to tell you something.” She repeated. “Earlier you suggested that I prefered older shows to newer ones then asked me to name some programs from this era that appealed to me. Well as it so happens our current discussion reminded me of one.”
“And that would be?” Jon achologed.
“Well if you’ll recall we were talking about how ‘the office’ paved the way for other sitcoms to also take advantage of the ‘mockumentary’ style that it created. Well as it so happens there’s a fairly new program on TV that uses this format which I find I enjoy watching more than the average show..” Celestia explained. “I am unsure if you’ve ever heard of it but it’s called ‘Modern Family.’”
“Oh yeah I’ve uh, I’ve heard of t-that show. Airs on ABC, produced by Christopher Lloyd among other people, takes place in L.A....I-- yeah I’ve heard of it.” Jon answered. “Great program, really funny episodes and great writing.”
“Yes I completely agree.” Celestia commented. “I remember when the show first came out in 2009... I immediately fell in love with it.”
“I’m going to uh... I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark here and say that you... uh, the reason why you like this show is because you find it interesting to see how human families are like,” he speculated. “Like how... like how you watch my show to learn what’s going on newswise you watch this show to learn about the uh... dynamic of the human family or something like that.”
Jon’s speculation in turn was met with a light showering of laughter from the audience. Even Celestia chuckled at how his explanation made her, by contrast, sound incredibly boring.
“No actually I-- well to be honest I’ve been watching TV since before you born Jon. Trust me I don’t think watching another family based sitcom now would teach me anything new.” She answered in a not so convincingly joking tone. “But getting back I do your question... while I will admit there is something to be said for this show and how it’s portrays the families, which I will get to in a minute, I just find this particular program incredibly funny!”
Her answer was simple enough for Jon to be impressed.
“I find the it to be very clever with it’s writing, direction, and cognitive faculties. And even though it’s a show everything they do I find believeable.” Celestia said. “When I watch it I never feel as though I need to have a willing suspension of disbelief to enjoy it. But overall I think it’s comedic value is attributed to it’s impressive cast of characters.”
“Oh I agree. That show-- I’ve actually had a few of the uh... of, of, of it’s actors on my show as guest and let me tell ya that prgram has an all star line up going for it.” Jon added. “You got uh... you got, Sofía Vergara, Ty Burrell... OH, and of course it has the great Ed O'Neill”
“For me though a show such as this basically lives or dies on it’s range of actors, but with ‘Modern Family’ it finds a way of balancing over 10 main characters and it does it so well! It’s the kind of show where there’s at least one person you can relate to.”
“And who do you relate to?” Jon asked. “Which of the fine characters of ‘Modern Family’ does Celestia, Princess of Equestria, most find herself to be like?”
“Well... if I’m to be perfectly honest,” she began. “I would see it would be Ed O'Neill’s character Jay Pritchett.”
“Wait... Ed O’Neill? That’s the guy you most relate to!?” Jon said in the most disbelievingly tone he could muster. “The guy that-- the guy who used to play the role of Al Bundy... the quintessential every husband, the living embodiment of the average male who would sit on his couch watching TV with... with, with, with one hand down the front of his pants... a-a-and the other around a can of beer while ignoring his wife... THAT’S the guy you most relate to in the show!?”
“In the context of the actual show yes because as you know he plays the role of Jay Pritchett, and elderly gentleman who marries a much younger woman. Younger than his own daughter in fact,” she pointed out. “And I bring this up because if you’ll recall back towards the start of our little interview you asked why I wasn’t s Queen and I answered by saying because I’ve never been married.”
That was actually one question Jon wanted to ask the most so of course he did recall. He was also starting to see where she was going with this.
“So having said that if somewhere down the line I were to get engaged with a very special somepony there is a high probability that whoever they are they would be much younger than me.” she contiuned. “And in that instance I would be very much like Mr. O’Neill... I certainly know how it feels to be an older individual among a much younger group.”
“You and me both,” Jon sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck like he was sore. “What else do find... do you think that does well.”
“Ah, this is what I wanted to get to the heart of. So as you know this show does the ‘this is what I learned’ at the end of the episdoe cliche which I actually really like. I enjoy it when a program has a positive message about a given situation and this one is no exception.” she explained. “But personally I think the best life lesson that this show has to offer is it’s format and the very fact that it exists.”
“I don’t understand.” Jon commented.
“Allow me to explain... this show is called ‘Modern Family,’ correct?” she continued.
“Yes.” Jon answered.
“And that’s my point. Modern... it’s a modern family. The makers of this show are basically saying that these actors are portraying what a normal, loving, and everyday family looks like. I like this because one of the family is a same sex couple with an adopted child.” Celestia explained with Jon nodding his head as he was now getting what she was talking about. “I may not know everything about human life but I do know that in your world equal rights hasn’t been fully given to homosexuals and I find that reprehensible. If this show were to take place 40 years ago I would be praising it for having a mixed race couple. Of course if this show did come out back then it probably wouldn’t even make it past the pilot since, as we’ve established, it portrays a same sex couple in union.”
“True,” Jon was forced to admit. “But things ARE getting better.”
“I know they are! And I believe that one day humans will look back on this point in time and wonder how something like basic human rights not being equally applied to someone just because of sexual orientation could ever happen,” Celestia predicted. “But for now that is sadly the world we live in. And for this show to come out and depict a loving and respectable gay couple under the banner of a ‘modern family’ well... I just find that so beautiful.”
“Whoa.” Jon said, surprised that he even able to say, with his hand now over his mouth to hide his shocked expression. This was roughly as articulate as he could be at the time, so to help the crowd applauded and began to cheer as loudly as possible on his behalf.
Celestia was still not used to this kind of praise, the kind where she’d get massive amounts of adoration over the simplest of things. Back home she’d have her own Equestrian audience cheer her on as she made the sun rise over the entire earth but here in the human world her words alone were enough to generate such excitement.
As culturally different as it was she was no fool. She understood that her position on such an issue was the more liberal and forward thinking view, which coincided with the general audience found at the Daily Show. So for her to sit there and express herself the way she did it wasn’t unusual for her to get such a positive reaction. Though a part of her felt that perhaps the humans of earth were, to a degree, too easily pleased.
Even with Jon still covering his mouth she could tell that he was the same way. Only in his case he was morally impressed. He loved how she could at something like a simple TV show and see the good within it.
“See this... this is what I like about you, Celestia.” Jon was finally able to say over the still roaring crowd. “You’re different.”
“Different how!” she laughed as she did not see that coming.
“It’s just that... well to put it simply you are a very... uh, very a very kind, and thoughtful person. You are, without a doubt, perhaps the most... wholesum, altruism, and sympathetic creatures in existence without a single hateful bone in her body.” Jon described which made Celestia blush slightly. “You're the type of person I find that will not rest till everyone is as safe and well to do as you yourself.”
“Oh stop it!” she responded.
“No it’s true! You are all of that and more and... and I feel-- to me that’s just so refreshing. The idea that you... just... I come on this program almost everyday and I find myself during a monologue where I... ‘report’ on how someone in a position of power had abused the system to benefit themselves. Whether it be a politician, a banker, or the owner of a sports team. And here you are... showing me that there is still good left in in both this and other worlds.” Jon praised which only made his audience voice their encouragement once again. “Also uh... take into consideration that in our world... a monarchy isn’t-- they’re looked at in a negative light. This is why democracy is the favored form of government in most developed countries.”
“Yes, we discussed this earlier if I recall,” Celestia added. “Breaking away from the monarchy is how your country came to be.”
“Yes but it’s not just us! I mean yes the west generally has a negative view on royalty but historically speaking... I think most people don’t like the idea of a single person ruling over everyone else. More often than not that kind of power and authority can corrupt a person. ” Jon continued. “You hear all these stories of past Kings rising to power by killing the previous one or engaging in crusades either against another monarchy or even on their own people just so they can stay in power.”
“You made it sound as if every human member of royalty ever conceived is ticking time bomb.” Celetia countered.
“Well... I’m sure if we were to take the sum of all historical examples I’m sure there would be more exceptions to the rule but you can’t deny that we’ve had some pretty awful monarchs in our time.” he maintained. “Even in your world there’s examples of this. Queen Chrysalis... King Sombra... those guys were high ranking monarchies and they were dicks.”
“Speaking as a Princess I’ve met with Kings, Queens, chancellors, and a variety of world leaders from all over my world.” she said in a joking ‘I’ll have you know’ tone. “And most, if not all of them, have been rather lovely.”
“Yeah but that’s you and your world. LIke I said you're different... but here in the human world we have countless examples of horrible world leaders. I mean you uh, you have King Charles the second I think who... who had a massive slave trade. And of course King George the third oppressed us so bad we went and made our own country just to get away from... from his. I think it King James the something who killed a large percentage of his kingdom’s population because he thought they were uh, witches. And don’t even get me started on King Joffrey!” Jon joked before a realization took over him. “Oh! But I think... my... uh, the best example of a corrupt King would be the infamous... uh, King... Henry the 8th! Yeah, that guy was a piece of work.”
“And what did he do that was so distageful?” Celestia asked.
“Well aside from the usual stuff like evil king stuff like invading france, keeping the lower class poor but himself rich, invading france a second but aside from all that time this guy... get this, this guy... was so high and mighty that he literally... had a servant whose only job was to whip his ass after he was done using the toilet.” Jon revealed which got mixed reactions from the audience, some laughing and other voicing their displeasure as the image now in their heads.
“Goodness that’s... that’s terrible!” Celestia said, her face scrunched in protest at the mere idea.
“I know right! But most of all this is the guy who was most famously remembered for... for-- what he did was he wanted to divorce his wife but... b-b-but couldn't because it was against the countries religious teachings. So when no priest would allow him a separation he created his own church where divorce was acceptable.” he continued. “And speaking of royal types wanted to get divorces... I’m reminded of a case involving a royal couple who wanted a separation. And it happened not to long ago either, it was in this century I believe.”
“Really? Who were they?” Celestia asked.
“Uuummmm... hm, I can’t remember but uh... but basically the gist of it was these two wanted to get a divorce and basically because the the husband was the member of the immediate royal family he didn’t-- he basically got everything out of the divorce and didn’t have to any alimony or something to that effect. Jon summarized. “The reason for this being is-- so basically these two lived in a country where it was... it was illegal to criticize the royal family or talk bad about them. So during the deposition the wife couldn't win no matter what she did... because anything she said against him would’ve been illegal you see.”
“Oh that’s just terrible!” Celestia gasped. “I can understand if a relationship doesn’t work anymore but to use your position as leader to to undermine and take advantage of your former spouse is... that’s just despicable!”
“Yeah it was one of those situations where she was screwed if she did and screwed if she didn’t,” Jon agreed. “Kinda like the ‘small penis defense.’”
Her expression of incredulous distain now shifted to that of shock and disbelief. Staying on topic was hard with Jon being so good with non sequiturs.
“I-I’m sorry?” Celestia said with a shake of her head. “The... t-the what?”
“The ‘small penis defense,’” Jon repeated like it was no big deal. “It’s uh... it’s basically this old lawyers joke where-- here let me uh... let me give you an example. Okay let’s say you had a penis--”
The look on Celestia’s face was one of such astonishment that she almost looked traumatized. This, along with the question being presented to her, had already kick started the audience’s laughter. Though the guest of the evening was far too shocked by the original questions to even notice.
When the crowd did eventually calm themselves Jonw waited to see if she would respond. Her mouth moved but not words could escape. But just when it looked like she was about to say something he continued.
“Anyway as I was saying... let’s say you had a penis... and I made the claim that it was small. The small ‘Small penis’ basically means you can’t-- that no matter what you do you can’t win.” Jon explained, trying even harder to suppress his laughter. “According... according to the joke if you don’t sue me for slander that’s basically a tasid admission that you do have a small penis but if you do sue me you-- the burden of proof would then be on you and you’d basically have to show your penis to prove I was lying. Oh but don’t worry, we’re friends so I won’t say that.”
And like before Jon didn’t have a response. This time she had recovered from the initial shock that she could have retorted but the explosion of laughter being directed at her prevented her from speaking. She didn’t even try to talk over them so instead she did the only thing she could and joined him.
Looking forward and to his left Jon debated whether it would be wise to end this historic interview on a penis joke. He didn’t even give it a second thought as he took a deep breathe to yell over eveyrone else.
“Celestia I... I just wanted to say how much... I appreciate you coming here today! You are a very good friend of the show so, so, to have you here means the world to me!” Jon said as he reached over for a handshake. “You were an absolute delight, a good sport all around, and just-- words can not... even come close to describing how much I will cherish the fact... that you, the god of an entire other world would take time out of you busy... uh, life to talk to me, some guy from New Jersey, here on my on my show! I... again words can’t describe.”
“Jon it was my absolute pleasure!” Celestia announced back as she returned the gesture by extending her wing behind back and just around his shoulder. “To be honest, I’m surprised it took you this long to ask me!”
“Well let me just say this... from the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of the great City of New York I just want to say you’re always welcome here. And thank for not only unifying our two worlds but for continuing to be a shining example of how, as a leader, the way to connect to the people isn’t through power... but through friendship.” Jon praised before pretending to speak to her in private. “That and uh... between you and me, I feel sorry for the next pony I end up interviewing... because it’s going to be hard to top this one.”
After a quick bout of laughter from everyone including himself Jon turned to point at the camera directly in front of him.
“Princess Celestia everybody!” Jon announced as the crowd readied themselves for a proper sendoff . “We’ll be right--”
“Actually Jon... before we conclude,” Celestia interrupted. “There is one last thing I would like to address”
Turning now to face his guest once more he couldn't help but notice the now creeping smile on her face. But while Celestia smiling was in itself a typical recurring trait of hers he also couldn't help but notice how it made her look like she was up to something.
“Before I we end the program and I return to my kingdom... I would like to give you something.” she continued as she used her magic to spawn what looked like a scaled down version of the ark of the covenant from Indiana Jones franchise onto the desk. “Just a little present from me to you.”
The burst of magic that brought this gift into existence forced Jon to briefly shield eyes, but it was it’s actual existence that made him continue to cover his face. This box was by all accounts made of solid gold, based on how loudly it trunked onto his desk. It was also encrusted with jewels that he suspected were Equestrian only natives, which made the glare coming off the stage lights all the more intense.
It was locked but the key, which was also made of gold, was already placed inside waiting to be turned. Regardless of it’s content Jon on already knew he was going to repurpose it as a jewelry box for his wife or at the very least a desk curio. But before he could even think about what to do with it there was still the matter of what was inside, and even before that he wanted to state the obvious.
“So let me get this straight,” Jon said. “I invite you onto my show and you’re the one giving me gifts?”
“Yes I realize I’ve flipped the scripts a little bit here but I felt like I would be remissed if I left without giving you something as a token of my appreciation,” she reasoned. “It’s the least I can do really?”
“The last huh?” he commented as he leaned in to see his reflection in the on it’s golden and jewel ridden surface. “I’d hate to see what you’re like when you go all out.”
Reaching out Jon attempted to lift it before immediately setting it back down; confirming his suspicions of how heavy it is.
“Jesus!” He exclaimed. “What’s in this thing?”
“Here I’ll give you a hint.” she said. “Remember earlier in the interview where we were talking about the founding of my world. And I explained that at the center of our kingdom lies the Tree of Harmony.”
“Yeah I remember.” Jon answered. “You explained about how it’s like... basically the life force of your world or something like that.”
“Yes well... in addition it’s also credited with the creation of the Elements of Harmony,” Celestia continued. “And if you’ll recall you made a joke about wanting one of your very own.”
“Yeah because I figured all that was needed to use one of them was an understand of--” Jon tried to rationalize before stopping mid sentence. It was at that moment that something clicked in his head a sense of understanding overtook him as he looked back down at his still concealed gift. This only made Celestia’s smile grow bigger. “O-oh... oh hell no.”
“You have no idea how tempted I was to just give you this back when you first asked.” Celestia revealed to the still startled Jon and now buzzing audience. “But I decided to wait till the very end to show you.”
“What have you done?” Jon asked.
“Open it and find out.” she answered.
“What have you done?” he echoed disbelievingly.
“I’m not telling you!” she maintained. “You’re going to have to open it and find out yourself.”
To a degree Jon didn’t want to open the box in concern of what was inside. He spent a good majority of the interview making fun of Celestia to the point that a part of him feared that this was just an elaborate prank to get back at him. Like the second he opened his present plastic snakes would spring load into his face. He certainly wouldn't put it past her and if given the opportunity he’d probably do the same.
But more than anything else he knew that Celestia was a very genuine person. So much so that he already knew what was inside and had already determined that it was just too much.
With no other options left before him, and his own audience cheering him on, Jon gave up and turned the key and opened his 24-karat container and immediately reeled back in shock with both hands over his mouth like he was doing his best impression of someone receiving a wedding proposal.
Quickly the camera men switched gears to an over the shoulder shot that perfectly showed the back of Jon’s head on one side of the screen, a pleased looking Celestia on the other, and more importantly a center shot of the now opened gilded box, revealing a golden trinket resting atop a silk pillow. Many recognized it this gift, which in this case took the shape of a crown, as one of the elements of harmony.
But while most of the elemental artifacts were bib-necklaces and one tiara many watching, including Jon, could tell that this was the actual thing by some very revealing hallmarks. Like the box this crown was completely made of gold and with every other Element of Harmony contained a carved jewel with matching color in the center to indicate who it belonged to. In this case the gem was anger orange and in the shape of the star of David.
He was starting to feel like this was all too much.
“Celestia what is this!?” Jon laughed out of nervous reflex
“Do you like it!? Before the show I went to the tree of harmony and had it produce that center gem; though I had to use my own magic rather than it’s own. Then I had my best gemologists carve it and meld it into an antique crown I’ve had on display.” Celestia went on to say as the camera zoomed in on it since Jon hadn’t yet picked it up to show off. “It’s made from a rare version of Equestrian gold found only in Canterlot. Elementally it will never deteriorate in or lose value and it’s practically indestructible. Oh! And the centerpiece jewell is topaz... your birthstone.”
Yep; may too much.
“I just... you, you, you really shoudn’t have.” Jon stated as he shook in head in continued astonishment.
“Here let’s see how it fits.” She suggested. Without asking Celestia used her magic to carefully lift the crown in the air where it spun itself in an 180 degree angle like a flying saucer. Once the center jewel was facing her she delicately placed it atop of Jon’s head. The measurements she commissioned were perfectly accurate. “There we go!”
The mixed reaction from the crowd ranged from cheering to laughter but it nevertheless all directed at him. The sight of the now regal looking Jon being subjected to this small display of dress up was even more entertaining with the host pursing his lips in sarcastic frustration.
Having a daughter who was barely old enough to stay up past eight meant that he was no stranger to having frilly looking jewellery placed on him against his will. And like with Maggie he decided to play aloung.
“I uh... you know I take back every negative things I said about monarchy,” Jon stated as he turned to face the camera’s to get a good look at himself and adjusted his crown. “I look good in this thing.”
“I’m glad you like it!” Celestia trilled. “I was originally going to make it like the more traditional necklace piece but I thought this was... more masculine.”
“Yeah because if there's anything a flying unicorn from a place like Equestria knows a lot of it’s the finer points masculinity,” Jon countered as he took his crown off to get a better look at it from different angles. “This is... unbelievably well made and trust me as Jew so I can tell. Seriously though this... I mean I appreciate the sentiment, t-truly I do but this... this really is just... I mean you really shouldn't have.”
“You say that but this is more than just a parting gift. You see now it’s my turn to thank you. On behalf of myself and all of Equestria I would like to personally thank you for all that you’ve done with your career the decade plus you’ve been on television. Thank you for being the voice of reason in a world plagued by white noise. Because I believe if more people were like you Jon... I honestly believe we would would have no war, there would be no crime, and people would live in the kind of Harmony I wish to bring to my world every single day... and I think because of you.... a bit of sanity has been restored.” Celestia praised with the crowd cheering at a high enough level that Jon couldn't dispute her claims. “And it is for this, and many other reasons, that I wanted to award you with this token of my appreciation. Even though it’s made from the same material It’s not an official element of harmony since it contains no magical properties. But the message still comes across rather well I find. So to that end, as princess of Canterlot, I bestow upon you this artifact which I have officially recorded this as your crown... the Element of Intelligence.”
Like before the sound of the crowd’s constant barrage of cheering intermingled with applauding prevented Jon from arguing with her on the legitimacy of her claims. The look on his face said it all though, he still felt like this was all very much unnecessary for something a simple interview appearance. And yet one could tell from the grin on person that he was touched.
With a content sigh Jon caved in and placed the crown back on his head, this time at a jaunty angle as the crowd cheered even greater.
“Thank you very much Celestia,” Jon said, feeling guilty that this much attention was being placed onto him rather than the actual guest. “I still say this is too much but... nevertheless I... I can't’ thank you enough.”
“Just promise me one thing Jon... promise me you’ll never stop trying to make this world a better place,” Celestia said before quickly continuing to finish her thought. “Now I know you think of yourself as more of an entertainer than any kind of humanitarian, though I feel that you can play both roles remarkably well. But I do believe that since you started doing this show human society has been improved if only just slightly l. So all I ask of you is to promise that you’ll continue doing what it is that you do.”
This time Jon intervened as quickly as possible to prevent the crowd from trying to pressure him any further.
“Celestia for you... just for you I’ll make two promises.” Jon began. “One... I promise that-- I promise that I will try... I will honestly try go live up to your expectations by continue to be as influential as you seem to think I am.”
This earned him with a light showering of applause which quickly dissipated when he began to speak again.
“Second, and most important of all... Celestia... above all else...I promise that I will never... ever for as long as I live on this or any other world... I will not...” Jon paused to point at his crown. “... try to sell this on eBay.”
The seriousness of his tone only to segway into a joke was enough to make Celestia laugh so suddenly that Jon was forced to shield his face from the incoming spit. WIth both hooves covering her face he instead grabbed her wing for an impromptu shake.
“Seriously though I’ll do my best and thanks again for being here today I’ll never forget this night,” Jon said with Celestia still not quite up the task of talking just yet. “Princess Celestia everybody! We’ll be right back!”
No longer holding back the crowd jumped to their feet and began to make as much noise as humanly possible. Some cheered, other clapped, and there were even those who stomped the ground like their equestrian counterparts. All in the name of showing their appreciation for this one in a lifetime showing.
Throwing her head back to get their mane out of her Celestia was met with an embrace from Jon who immediately began to whisper something into her ear. She returned the gesture by whispering something back as the camera panned out and in an upward motion.
The last show visible before the Daily Show logo appeared was the two of them waving before Jon got the bright idea of putting on Celestia’s other accessories that she had previously removed, without her noticing. The sight of Jon wearing her hoof slippers awkwardly over his own hands was the last thing shown before the darkness overtook the screen. Transitioning to the final commercial break.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
In a rare coincidence of galactic synchronicity it was still dark when Celestia returned to her world. And although she almost due to retire to her room she found herself occupying the Canterlot Castle’s library.
As well as a meeting with some important diplomats and a speech to some benefactors, who were having a party at the Castle’s social lounge, Celestia was scheduled to appear at a banquet in her honor at the Canterlot state University. This was only the first half of tomorrow's itinerary; she had a full day ahead of her and yet she still couldn't will herself into a sleeping state.
Although this was technically a library it was only the size of a small bedroom as it was more of a private study for Celestia located across from her room. It contained only five shelves (though they were very tall) and were mostly stocked with books that interested her rather than source materials. It’s was so condensed that if more than 4 ponies were in it at any given point it would be considered crowded.
The hypnotic crackingly of the nearby fire place did very little to relax her and it’s warm glow bathed every inch of marble floor and wooden fixtures, but provided only just enough light so that she would read her list of tomorrow's events. As well as dwelling on what to do in the future she found herself fondly reminiscing on the events prior. She felt as if she was wired to a saline drip of pure unfiltered caffeine otherwise known as the adrenaline rush one gets from being on the Daily Show
In all honestly she was hard pressed to remember the last time she had that much fun with a friend. As Princess most of her time was spent inundated with bureaucratic level of diplomacy ranging from treaty signings with foreign powers to delegating the seating arrangements for upcoming gala functions. And while she never complained about it, and indeed enjoyed the fact that she held so much responsibility, a part of her wished she could drop it all in favor of staying in the human world a bit longer.
But she knew that was out of the question, she had a full day tomorrow which is why after the she said her goodbyes she immediately teleported herself here. Her plan was to read up on old war records which documented battles from before she was born. Not for any strategical purposes but for the sake of a getting a good nights rest since old combat reports always somewhat bored her.
She hadn’t gotten around to that part of night just yet as she had only just arrived a few minutes ago with her interview still fresh in her mind. Mostly from the fact that as well as the cherished memories she brought something else with her. Located atop the circular table in front of her chair, adjacent to the fireplace, was a large box labeled “To: Celestia. From: Jon.” Right before her departure Jon had given her a parting gift which he made her promise not to open until she got home.
She had no idea what was inside though Jon hinted as being a filled with knick-knacks and edibles indigenous to the region. Already she had this planned out; If whatever was inside turned out to be trinkets she would keep some in her room and some for archival purposes and if there were any edibles she would split it down Luna. The ladder idea being why she decided to open it here in her private study... to make sure she got the good stuff first.
“Well then,” she thought happily as she used her magic to undo the top portion. “Let’s see what we have here.”
Even without being there Jon still found a way of making Celestia laugh. Before she left Jon commented on how he was glad he waited till right before she left to give her this package. His reasoning being that her solid golden chest-like compartment lined with only the purest of silk made his gift, which was housed in an old repurposed cardboard exterior filled with crumpled newspapers, look not so impressive by comparison.
She never meant for her packaging to one-up him nor did she expect anything in return but she was nevertheless grateful for the gesture. Especially since she would always keep both it and whatever was inside as a constant reminder of that day.
Put as she used to magic to carefully pluck every scrap of newspaper and neatly fold it on the desk she noticed something about the box that she hadn’t before, because she was still energized from the high of being on TV. Cautiously she leaned her forward to point where her head was almost inside the massive package so she could get a better look and confirm that she wasn’t just imagining things. But she was right.
“Airholes?” Celestia thought as she picked up on some low rumbling coming from inside. Just then, and much to her surprise, the box itself began to shake. Before she could investigate any further something jumped out and latched itself onto her face.
“What is going on here!” She thought as she tried to back away as far as she could but only managed to tumble back into the armchair she was previously lounging in. Knocking over an avalanche of books in the process.
At first she tried to assess what was going on and remain calm. This was a small room so if she did bolt upright she would probably hurt herself so instead she remained seated and planted her legs firmly on the ground. But soon after noticed that something was amiss.
Even though whatever it was that was latched on her face wasn’t obstructing her mouth she still found herself breathing frantically in a full on panic. Not so much for the fact that she was, by all accounts, being attacked, but because of something else much more terrifying. Instinctively her first reaction was to used her magic to subdue whatever it was that jumped at out of the box. But for mysteriously the thing that was still attached to her face wasn’t affected by it.
Since whatever was going on was a direct result of Jon’s gift (And the fact that despite the discomfort she wasn’t feeling any pain) to a degree she wasn’t the least bit afraid of this sudden occurrence; just startled. But that a part of her was starting to dissolve since as time went on. She wanted to flail her legs, she wanted to arc her wings and fly away, she wanted to do all this and more. And she might have had she not noticed the intense of amount of giggling echoing around her study.
“Is that... do I hear... children?” Celestia thought.
As an experiment she sat completely still and could now hear it even more as it intensified. The thing on her face continued to wiggle just enough that she could now see in front of her and what she saw... was not what she expected.
“Hi pretty horsey!” A young girl sitting in the center of the massive box said. Despite being a few feet away she waved very spastically at her for attention.
“Um... hello?” Celestia weakly waved back, her eyes wide and illuminated from the fire.
“You're a pretty horsey!” The little girl reiterated.
“I uh... thank you.” Celestia said, almost too shocked to react. To emphasize her thanks she gave a bowing gesture that made a pair of legs appear over her face.
“Cooooooool! Can I have this!?” A voice said from overhead as Celestia felt her crown being taken off her head. When she looked whoever it was that was on her head repositioned himself to meet her gaze. “Is this real gold!?” With a swing of his arm he tried to show Celestia her own crown but ended up smacking her on the muzzle instead.
“Ow!” Celestia shrieked.
“Get down from there you dummy!” The little girl yelled as the threw something from the box at him only to miss and get Celestia right on the eye. “Can’t you see you’re hurting pretty horsey!”
“Now, now. There’s no need for that.” Celestia assured her as she gently coaxed the little boy to get down by lower her head. “It was just... an accident why don’t we just-- OW!”
Rather than stepping down or even jumping off, as she assumed he did the, little boy instead firmly grabbed her hair and climbed his way down like the rope exercise routine one does during gym. The process was drawn of, awkward, and for Celestia very uncomfortable.
“Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!” Celestia complained while remaining completely still so as to not hinder his descent. “Please be gentle young man that’s very-- OW!... painful.” The fact alone that he kept trying to a hoot hold as well made it even worse.
Soon the child was safely on the ground whereupon he rushed over to his sister how had since tilted herself over in the box. Spilling herself spilling, among other things, herself and a large amount of candy wrappers which flew in the air like confetti.
After everything seemed to settle somewhat with no one yelling or throwing anything both children converged on one another looking like they were about to fight. And indeed they would have were it not for Celestia’s presence which still completely enraptured them both. At first they just stared at her silently as if uncertain of her very existence. And indeed for either party one might suspect this to be some kind dream though Celestia’s still sore scalp said otherwise.
Once it was clear that this was what it looked like both children smiled showing that at least one of them was missing a tooth. The silence did not laugh long.
Just as Celestia was about to say something, along the lines of introductions, both began yelling questions at her all at once to quickly and too loudly for her to even register any of them. Instead all she could do was look and indeed observe. Now that she was betting a better view of them she immediately knew what, or rather who she was dealing with. After all they looked just like their father.
“May I please have your attention!” Celestia said in a voice loud enough that they both would hear her. “Now then... look at the two of you I can only assume... that you are Nathan... and you are Maggie. Jon’s children; am I correct.”
Both kids nodded cheerfully with the younger one jumping up and down.
“How did you know!?” Maggie asked as Celestia placed a gentle hoof on her head to try and get her to stand still.
“Oh... just a hunch,” Celestia sighed as she glanced over at the giant cardboard box they came in. Parting gift indeed. Nathan noticed this and practically jumped back into grab something.
“Oh yeah I forgot! Daddy said to give this to you!” he announced amicably as he grabbed a handful of candy wrappers. “He gave you some chocolate but we sorta ate them all already... sorry about that.”
“That’s quite alright,” Celestia said in understanding but know more stern tone, using the opportunity to get to the heart of the matter. “Now then I would very much like to know why you two were hiding in this box? Does your father know you’re here!”
Celestia was no stranger to playing the stern taskmaster who, if need to, would be called upon to reprimand a subordinate or in this case discipline a child. Game with territory when you ruled over an entire kingdom and acted as teacher to a line of faithful students. What she wasn’t used to dealing with however was the complete lack of worry in these two human children’s faces for what they had. This didn’t surprise as much as their answer however..
“Of course Daddy knows where here.” Nathan said.
“Yeah! He’s the one who sent us.” Maggie added. And just like that Celestia’s tough girl image was shattered; replaced by disbelief
“W-wait... excuse me?” She said as the younger of the two siblings turned to face his brother.
“Show her the thing!” Maggie ordered with a push of his shoulder.
“Oh yeah! I forgot about that too!” Nathan said as he dug into his pocket to pull out a sealed envelope. “Daddy said to give this to you!”
For a brief second Celestia reached out her hoof to take it only to see that as well as it being partially crumbled it also had chocolate stains covering it. Celestia countered her blessings that she had powers and instead used magic to gently grasp the envelope and carefully unseal to retrieve it’s content.
And the surprises kept coming.
“Dear Princess Celestia,
If you’re reading this it means you’ve opened your gift. It was great having you on my show tonight! I know how hectic your schedule must be so for you to take time out of your busy day for little ol’ me really means a lot. As a show of gratitude I give you my greatest and most precious treasure... I would have but no way am I parting with my baseball autographed by Willie Mays. So instead here are my kids.”
“Oh Jon,” Celestia chuckled under her breathe as continued onwards in the letter. “I should have known...”
“But seriously Tracey and I can’t thank you enough for agreeing to babysit the kids for the next few hours while we go out for dinner tonight. What’s that? You don’t remember agreeing to that at all? Well I’m sure it’ll come to you eventually. After all what are friends for right?
Attached to this note is further instructions and guidelines for taking care of my kids.
Thanks again!
This doesn’t make us even.”
Just for the sake of honoring this little facade Tracey did glance over the the accompanying list which listed what the kids needed to do before bed, such as homework and brushing their teeth, and how long they were allowed to stay up before bed. In addition she skimmed over the part of the note which explained what to do in case of emergencies and almost made it to section which outlined in great detail each of their dietary needs and restrictions before shaking her head and using her magic to make the note in it’s entirety disappear.
“Well then... it seems your father expects me to look after you two little stowaways,” Celestia smiled at the idea as she mentally added him name on a list. He obviously didn't think this through
“Yeah! He and mom said it was okay since you’d be here to look after us!” Nate announced eagerly. “We’ve never been to pony world world before!”
“Pony world is so cool!” Maggie chimed in. “Can we stay up late and watch pony TV!? And eat pony food!? Wanna play pony games with us!? Please, please, please!”
“Settle down children,” Celestia said, using her wings to motion for them to step back. “First of all this world is called Equestria. And second while I would love to do spend some time with the two of you I’m afraid I can’t at the moment. I have a full day ahead of me tomorrow and I’m sorry to say I’ll have to send you all back home.”
No doubt her decision would illite nothing but complaints and bargaining from her two intruders so without hesitation Celestia’s horn was now channeling so much magic the the entire room was shrouded in light, to the point that if the two kids did have any grievance Celestia would have never heard them as they were fixated on this performance.
Soon the light receded back on the top of her horn where she held off on actually releasing it before giving a proper sendoff.
“Well then, Nathan, Maggie... It was nice to finally meet you. I only wish it could have been under better circumstances.” Celestia smiled as she aimed her horn at the oddly unphased children. “Tell your father I said ‘hello.’”
With a slight recoil Celestia’s head lunged back as a beam of light shot from her horn where it terminated on the children. Since her magic has since been refined through 1000’s of years of practice something like a teleportation spell would be instantiations. Celestia knew this which is why she was confused by sight of the two children remained stationary in place rather than disappearing and her magic flowing around them like debris around a planet..
Her surprised turned to shock when rather than doing what she instructed it to do, her own magic instead seeped it’s way into the children’s skin causing them to faintly glow a cosmic shade of orange. But while this display only made Celestia confused bordering on terrified the two children thought it was the best light show they ever saw.
“That was so cool!” Nathan yelled.
“Do it again do it again!” Maggie demanded while jumping up and down. “I don’t know what you did but do it again! Can you do it again!? Can ya, can ya!?”
Celestia was still reeling from shock to answer any of these questions.
“How... how is this possible!?” She asked out loud.
“Oh right!” Nathan said now digging into his pockets once more to produce another sealed envelope. “Daddy said to give you this when you used your magic on us.”
This time Celestia grabbed the letter as quickly as she could whereupon she tore it open unceremoniously to the point where she slightly damaged the actual letter. Like before it was another handwritten letter made out to her by Jon, this time reading it much faster and more than once to make sure that what she was looking at was real.
“Celestia if you're reading this it means you just tried to send my kids back to me. Either that or Nathan got the letters mixed up which I wouldn't put past him. If the latter stop reading here. Otherwise I think you’ve discovered the force field
Did I not mention the force field? Yeah before actually sending them your way I had my good friend Discord place a protective barrier around them the second they made contact with you Star Trek style! Magic won’t work on them and, this is the best part, if you try to anyway they’ll just absorb it and make the shield stronger. Which means they’ll stay longer... which by count is now a full 24 hours.
Thank again for agreeing to babysit! You can send them back our way once they stop glowing.
Okay, now we’re even.”
No matter how many times she read this she still couldn't believe it. As well as adding another name to the list she was stunned silent by the irony of it all. The letter was still hovering in front of her face but she was no longer reading it but rather just staring into void.
“Okay... I had that coming.Well then... looks like I’ll be cancelling a view meetings tomorrow. Pity... I was so looking forward to giving that speech.” She thought as she used her magic to press the letter against her face like she was trying to hide. “Okay, I can do this... I used to be quite the babysitter back in my younger days. Granted that was centuries ago but how hard can it be to look after two human children.”
After uttering such famous last words Celestia quickly stood up and adjusted used her magic to adjust herself by wiping any dust that may have collected on her and straighten her crown to look more presentable to her new guests.
“Alright children... it would seem that you really are stuck here for a while but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun with this,” Celestia said now finally looking back up at the two. “FIrst off aunt Celestia is going to fix you two up with a... oh dear...”
Halfway during her monologue Celestia’s body froze while her eyes darted around the room. Soon her body thawed out and she was now swinging her long neck around to try and get a better view of her surroundings. The look on her face made Maggie giggle but that was just the problem, only she was left to laugh at her expense.
After it was clear that it was just the two girls Celestia momentarily tried to pick her up with magic only for it to backfire. Promoting Celestia to place both her hooves on the human girl’s shoulders.
“Maggie honey, where’s your brother!?” Celestia asked with Maggie who was still giggling but now placing her hands over her mouth so as not to speak. “Young lady I asked you a question. Please this is very important! Where did Nathan runoff to--”
Without warning the sound of something crashing echoed it’s way into Celestia’s study. With the Castle laid out the way it was it could have come from anywhere but it was only when it was followed by a voice that she had a good idea of where it came from.
“Stop! Intruder!” A Canterlot guard said as the sound of laughing faded away. “Put that back this instant!”
“Oh no,” Celestia commented her face blanching as she rushed towards the hallway only to stop at the door to her study and turn around to address Jon’s daughter. “Maggie Sweetheart I need to go find your brother! Now you been a good girl stay and don’t move here until I get back! I’m serious! Don’t go anywhere! Do you understand!?”
The sound of another priceless antique crashing convinced Celestia that it would be best to leave before hearing young Maggie’s answer. Through a combination of fast running and sudden teleportation blinks she vanished around the corner.
At the time the young girl thought about doing exactly what her new babysitter told her to do. Stay in one place and not do anything, and indeed she would have but at the very moment she remembered what her father told her right before she left. That being that in Equestria today was opposite day.
So obviously not wanting to offend her new handler and her costumes Maggie decided to show her holiday spirit by running around out of the room and opposite way that Celestia ran while flailing her arms wildly. Afterall Celestia did say to stay put and not move.
From there she ran as fast as her 9-year-old legs could take her, bringing her to one of the main hallways. From there the optioned opened up many new hallways were in all directions like a spider’s web. After a quick game of eenie-meenie-minie-moe Maggie decided which path to take. But before she could she heard a voice echoing from where she jus left.
“Sister, are you there?” The voice said. “We heard a noise came to investigate. I trust all is well?
Fueled by curiosity Maggie retraced her steps. After turning a corner expecting to see a mostly empty hallways but instead was shocked to see another pony. This one was similar to Celestia in terms of height, and accessories both in jewelry and body parts. Only this one was a shade of midnight purple.
At first Maggie saw it but not the other way around since this newcomer had it’s head poked into Celestia’s study. It was obvious as to who she was looking for.
“Where could she have gone?” The creature said out loud before giving up and walking back into the hallways. Immediately both it and Maggie locked eyes causing the bigger of the two to gasp in surpise. Due to her small size the pony’s peripheral vision didn’t pick up on her but not that they were standing in a white hallway, face to face both had clear visibility of each other.
For the time being both just stared at each other. For a moment everything seems fine if a bit awkward as no one made a motion or says anything. Eventually this Alicorn did move in the form of slightly stepping back the instant Maggie began to smile. Her backpedaling only increased the more teeth she showed.
Eventually everything boiled over and both parties reacted about as well as to be expected.
“PRETTY!” Maggie shouted so loud it monetarily caused the pony discomfort. “YOU ARE SO PRETTY!””
Unbeknownst to this new creature she had the unfortunate luck of being Maggie’s favorite color; exact shade as well. This was enough to have her bolting at high speed towards her with her arms out for a hug.
The Alicorn, not being used to being in this type of scenario, was so stunned by this sudden declaration that she instantly used her magic to send a bubble like object around the human, like a hamster wheel, to keep her in place as well as defend herself. Or at least that’s what if would have done had Maggie’s protective barrier made so she tore right through it like it was made of tissue.
Seeing her high grade magic completely obliterated by the young lady, who was still in hot pursuit, caused the magical Alicorn to try and teleport away... at the exact moment the child jumped up and latched onto her face; negating the spell.
It was going to be a long 24 hours for both Princes Sisters.