Jack Spicer's Quest to Conquer Equestria

by CrazedLaughter

Chapter 3 - Three Little Minions

"Sweetie Belle, ah ya sure this is a good idea? Maybe ah should tell my sister? or maybe even Fluttershy"

"Come on Applebloom, he doesn't look that dangerous! Besides, if we didn't drag him to the barn, he would have drowned in that....I think that was barf"

"Actually Sweetie Belle, we could have probably dragged him just a few feet. Do you really think this can help us get our cutie marks?"

"We won't know unless we try!"

"Well I reckon we still oughtta be careful, what if he wakes up and turns out to be one of them cranky types?"

"cranky? I dunno, I could have sworn I heard him cry in his sleep for his mom. Maybe the poor guy's lost?"

"Well that's what we're here for then Scootaloo! If he is lost, then we can help him find his mom! We can be Cutie Mark RESCUERS!"


Jack mumbled, he could hear three childlike voices discussing something in close proximity. he groggily mumbles the moment they yell out in future triumph. "...ghm...uh...what's going on?"

"He's waking up!"

"Quick girls, ya know what to do! Smiles! And be all friendly! We don't wanna spook the poor fella!"


"Got it!"

"Wuya, is that you? why do you sound so cute..and snuggly?...ugh..my head.." Jack whined as he slowly sat up. Rubbing his forehead.

At first things were a blur, as his eyes adjusted. He could see bundles of hay, barrels of apples....and...three small horses...one with wings, one with a horn, and one without any. standing side by side and giving him a painfully cheery smile.


his head started to clear as he began to remember. He was doing reconnaissance, learning about the "demon horses" that just turned out to be gifted townspeople that JUST happened to be horses. Then he got hungry...and things...just happened.

The white one looked towards the one with the bow "Do you think he can really talk?"

the one with the bow shrugged.

Jack finally snapped back to reality, immediately feeling insulted by the very question "Of course I can talk! what do you take me for, an idiot!?"

The three jump back, startled by Jack's sudden outburst. the one with the bow frowns, already thinking this might have been a bad idea "We didn't mean anything by it! Honest. It's just, we never seen anypony like you before."

"Well of course not, not many have the honor or the guts to stand up to me, Jack Spi....am I really talking to a bunch of ponies right now?" Jack didn't know how to feel, usually something like this was done using the Tongue of Taiping.

the one with wings bravely steps up and stands in front of her two friends "M-maybe we got off on the wrong hoof, I'm Scootaloo...and these are my friends Applebloom and Sweetie Belle..." she then started think of a few words that might calm Jack down "We sort of saved your life...you were drowning in some yellow stuff."

"Drowning?..." Jack was confused "I was drowning?...huh...maybe that's why I conked out...I don't exactly remember. I just remember rolling around in that ba.." suddenly his stomach growled "mmmnnnngh....great..." he held his stomach and curled up a bit "I'm hungry..."

Sweetie Belle sees an opportunity to befriend their new found acquaintance. "You're hungry? We can fix that for you if you'd like. AppleBloom, you have apples right?"

Applebloom looks at Sweetie Belle, looking into her eyes with unhumored disbelief "yer kiddin me right?"

"oh yeah...ummm....can we get some for umm...what was your name again Mister?" Sweetie Belle inquired

"ohh..umm..It's Jack Spicer!..umm" Jack started to consider their friendly nature and started to come up with the best lie he ever told "Good Boy Genius!...yeah thats right"

"That's a pretty cool name, but what do you mean by genius?" Scootaloo said

Jack smiled....no one had ever thought his name was cool before. "oh well um, I make robots and machines. Check this out!" Jack turned on his helipack, and began to hover a few feet off the ground. "Like my own helipack! Bet you wish you had one of these, huh?"

Scootaloo just looked on in awe, She knew Rainbow Dash's pet Tank had a helipack. But the one she saw before her looked more advanced, and better for actual flight. "wooooooooah!"

Sweetie Belle was pretty awestruck as well, she didn't realize Jack was actually an advanced creature "You made that all by yourself?"

AppleBloom had left at that point to get food for Jack

Jack landed, and took a bow. For the first time, he was actually being looked up to without the intention of being betrayed or the inkling it was being faked. "Yup, I can make all sorts of things. Just not right now. Sort of low on parts at the moment. haha"

Scootaloo stepped closer to him "Parts?"

Jack walked up to Scootaloo and started to pat her head "Aren't you adorable! not knowing you need parts to make machines."

Scootaloo then stepped back, feeling uncomfortable from being pet "yeah..I knew that"

Sweetie Belle tilted her head, curious about the fact that he seem rather talented in mechanics "So you make machines?" then she started to concoct a plan of her own. Maybe something better than finding his mother, since he didn't seem too worried about it now. "Could you teach us how to make some of our own?"

"Woah hold on there, you can't LEARN to make machines. You gotta be as smart as I am to be able to do something like that."

"pah, how hard can it be? It's just like putting together a scooter right? I mean, we're already good at gathering all sorts of parts. We'd just need help putting them together." Scootaloo seemed confident that it couldn't be that hard...not at least without some proper training.

Jack started to consider those words, he didn't know where to get any parts to make new jackbots. But perhaps these three could do the scrounging work for him. "I think I could help you guys out with that."

they both looked at each other, suddenly feeling hopeful from just those words "Really?"
"yeah all....mnnghh" Jack held his stomach, it was grumbling "...wait hold on.....empty stomach...ugh."

AppleBloom pops back in, balancing a plate of apples on her head "Was that a hungry stomach ah just heard?" she giggled.

"GIMME THAT!" Jack called out as he dove at the plate and started devouring the apples "NOMNOMNOMNOMNONMNBNFBF"

The three fillies looked at each other as they became both a little fearful and weirded out from Jack's sudden reaction and lack of etiquette.

AppleBloom looked at Sweetie Belle, concern in her eyes. "Sweetie Belle, I dunno. Somethin about this guy just don't feel right"

Sweetie Belle calmed down, and smiled towards Applebloom "So he's a little weird. That's ok, because we just might be able to get our cutie marks!"

Apple Bloom was confused "yeah, by taking him back to his mom right?"

Sweetie Belle shook her head "Even better! He's gonna teach us to make our own machines!"

AppleBloom just looked at gluttonous human before her "are ya sure about that?"

Scootaloo frowned "yeah, I'm starting to have doubts too"

Jack immediately stopped the moment he heard them losing hope in him, he turned around to look at them. His face full of small apple chunks and his mouth still full. He takes a deep swallow and gives them an angry look "Hey! Don't think I'm incapable just because I was trying to stuff my face. A guy has to eat you know. I could have died!" He stood up, feeling rejuvenated from the food, he started to brush off his sleeves as his gaze fell back upon them "I can help you girls if you help me. I just need you to gather all the parts and scrap you can and bring them here. And I can teach you everything you need to know about making machines"

the three of them looked at eachother and discussed, that seemed easy enough. With the three of them together, they could find plenty of stuff to bring back.

Applebloom nodded "sounds pretty easy mister Jack. But we can trust ya right? are you really gonna teach us to make machines?"

Jack nodded, his smile rather devious "Yeah, of course! I'm the most honest guy you'll ever meet!"

Applebloom smiled "Now that's somethin I like to hear, my sister is pretty honest too so it sounds like ya'll would get along"

Jack immediately realized maybe that wouldn't be a good idea. He didn't need too many of these ponies knowing of his existence. "Ehhh....that doesn't sound like a good idea right now."

"huh? Ahm sure she souldn't mind meeting ya Jack, besides. She might be able to help ya out. It's the least ah can do for your help" Applebloom was rather enthusiastic about this.

"no no, trust me. I'm good for now.....Actually, it's probably good if you keep me a secret." Jack tried to convince them

Scootaloo cocked an eyebrow "why? that seems pretty suspicious"

Jack started to sweat bullets, trying to come up with a good lie "W-well. There's this scary lady after me. She wants to destroy me because I uh.....stopped her from conquering the world!"

"Woooah, you saved the world?" they all three were amazed by this.

Jack smirked "Well, yeah. See there was this crazy witch lady named Wuya who nearly conquered the world. But I, being the good boy genius I am, couldn't let it happen. Especially because she was bossy,mean, and dumb. So I made a special puzzle box that could seal her.! You may have not heard of it. I stopped her pretty quickly. Didn't even need any Shen Gong Wu"

"Shen Gong Wu, what's that?" Scootaloo asked

Jack became more smug as this went on, he pulled out his monkey staff and activated it for a moment just to show them it's power. Then changed back. The three were awestruck, and now completely believed him.

"So this Wuya lady managed to get out? And you're fighting her alone?" Sweetie Belle seemed concerned by this. If this was getting out of hand. She was considering asking her sister about it to rally up Twilight and her friends to stop Wuya themselves.

"Yeah, but it's no biggie. Especially when I get the parts I need. You girls are willing to help right? I mean, you three can be my three special minion...er...helpers!" Jack chuckled nervously, he couldn't believe he managed to get this far.

all three saluted

"If it means protecting Equestria from evil, then we'd be happy to help ya out Mister Jack!. Besides, we will definitely get our cutie marks if we help save it!" Applebloom said with utmost pride

"Yeah yeah, what's with that cutie mark stuff anyway?" Jack was confused by it, they seemed to really want to acquire something that sounded rather girlie

Although the three were surprised by Jack's ignorance of Cutie Marks, they took the time to explain it to him. They figured he was from some far away land. Maybe a place where he hadn't actually met any ponies before.

Jack was in tears "S-so...what you're saying is. Even fate has told you “No Way!”  on what you are good at and you get mocked for it?" That sounded awful to him. Considering all the crap he's been through, he at least knew he was good at making robots.

"uh huh...but that's ok now because we're gonna help you Jack! You're a hero!" Scootaloo said, with blind ignorance.

Jack, turned around to wipe away his tears. The plight of these fillies touched his weasely little heart. He made a silent vow that once he conquered Equestria, then moved on to conquer Earth, That'd he'd make these three fillies his commanding Generals of his world ravaging armies. It was the least he could do.He'd even give them all better names, Jack Jr. Little Jack. And Colby Jack.

He took a deep breath "Ok, well. I gotta get going for now...got important...hero stuff to do." He couldn't face them, he didn't want them to see his tears.

The three nodded

"And so do we! Come on girls, we gotta get as much stuff as possible to help mister Jack out! Equestria is depending on us!" AppleBloom said in earnest

They both nodded, and all three left the barn. giving Jack a farewell.

Jack took a moment to calm down and smirked. "That was soooo easy,hahahaha! Finally, things are looking up! And even better! I have the cutest minions ever that don't actually want to rip my guts out! hehehehe!"

He looks out the barn to make sure no one is around, and takes off back to the roof of the castle as stealthily as possible. "And that's why I am the best. They aren't even demon horses, just silly horse people....that...awww...you can't hate them even if you tried. I almost feel bad for eventually enslaving them...oh well. I bet Wuya couldn't find anything useful on her end. HAHAHA, boy is she gonna be sorry she insulted me when she finds out I'm already this close to rebuilding my army. "Oh Jack, I'm sorry for ever doubting you! I'm such a fool, I couldn't find anything out because I'm just a stupid ghost head with poop for brains, can you ever forgive me? I'm soooo dumb" HAHAHAHHAAHA, That's right baby. Jack is back in Bus-OOMPH"

Jack, in his infinite arrogance, smacks into a tree.Hard enough to make him a little dizzy. slowing his progress "yup...That's right...Jack is the best evil boy spaghetti there ever was..hahaha..theres a lot of stars out today..ha" He said as he continued further in a daze

Moments later. At the Castle Roof. Jack had finally managed to get back. Wuya was there, impatiently waiting for him.

Jack gently landed and pushed the button on his helipack. putting away the propellers "I'm back Wuya. How's my favorite ghost lady huh?"

Wuya noticed a cheeriness in Jack's voice. She surmised he must have done something useful instead of getting his butt handed to him. "Jaaaacckk, you seem in better spirits."

"You know it Wuya!" Jack smiled and posed at her "This evil schemer has managed to pull off the first steps to world domination"

Wuya smiled, this already sounded good "Well Jack, it's nice to know you are finally pulling your weight. So tell me, what have you managed to learn? Managed to do?"

"ah ah, first I want to know what you got Wuya.I don't want to excite you and make you forget whatever you managed to figure out." Jack said as he picked his nose, he thought he got some sort of bug in there during his flight.

Wuya snickered "Well Jack, you're actually going to love this. As it turns out, this world actually is brimming with magic. I had a look through all the texts this castle holds and spied upon it's occupants. The books were very interesting. There are magical artifacts here that not only rival the Shen Gong Wu, but some are in fact much greater in power. Infact, below us at this moment is a princess who's magical abilities are extraordinary.....as is her ability to nearly make me vomit with how "good" and "friendly" she actually is. And from the texts I read, creatures of profound evil exist that are even more powerful than those ingrates Chase Young and Hannibal Bean combined. I believe our first move should be acquiring some of this world's Shen Gong Wu ."

Jack was confused "I thought you couldn't sense any Shen Gong Wu here? In fact, I thought none existed"

"Oh but they do exist! They just don't go by that name it seems. And I may not be able to sense them, But there is a dragon in this castle that should be able to. My only guess is that I'm not attuned to this world's Shen Gong Wu. So it'd only be sensible to capture a being who would be attuned to it. And then force it to work for us! mehehehe, we've only been here a week and finally things are falling into place. Now...tell me, What did you find out! Tell me, tell me!"

Wuya was excited. For whatever she managed to find out within the castle. She was sure Jack managed to find out equally important things scouting around the village.

Jack smirked and pointed to himself "Well, I managed to find out that the horses here are in fact not "Demon Horses". AAANNNNDDD, we'll soon have an army of Jackbots once I get the scrap I need from our new allies Applebroom, Sweaty Balls, and Scootyscoot. Pretty impressive huh?"

Wuya was a little skeptical but she was impressed "Impressive Jack, I didn't figure you would be able to make allies so quickly....especially with your special needs problems."

Jack smiled "Well, I do have special needs. Machinery can't build themselves you know."

Wuya was still skeptical, she had to know who these allies were "So tell me Jack, are these new allies of yours powerful? Can they render a filthy mortal to shreds in seconds? oohohohh.....just thinking about it makes me all....tingly"

Jack shrugged "I dunno, I haven't been able to figure out how powerful baby horses are in this world. Maybe..I guess they could do that?"

Wuya nodded "Well that doesn't sound so bad as long as their is a possibility they can ri......wait a second....did you say....baby horse?"

Jack shook his head "No Wuya, I said baby horses. As in multiple. Three actually. Can't you pay atten-"


Jack gulped"A-actually, I think I was unconscious for most of the day"


she popped, her form spreading out and exploding into floating chunks that spread into the air. Jack had never seen anything like it. "....does that mean you're mad at me?"

no answer

"Wuya?...Wuya?" Jack looked around, did...did she really explode? Is she gone just like that? Because of the mention of horses? "Wuuuya? you there...come on, you can't leave me alone! I don't have any place to sleep! It gets cold and lonely you know! Wuya!!!"

Still no answer

Jack at first entered into a small panic. Normally, this would be fine for him. But he was stuck in a world he knew nothing about. It actually internally scared him.

He spent a few more hours curled up in a ball, sucking his thumb.

Then he looked at his drenched hand, filled with his slobber. And realized how pathetic he was being.

He stood up, and looked into the horizon "Wait...Why am I scared? I'm Jack Spicer! and now I'm my own man! Besides, I already have an army of Jackbots on the way. It's not like I can't take over this pathetic little town and sleep in this castle. Pfft, what am I so worried about? And the best part is, Wuya is gone! So I don't even have to hear all her nagging and complaining. I've got nothing to worry about!"

Suddenly, a hatch on the roof opens. Surprising Jack and making him scream like a little girl, making him slip off the roof.

a purple dragon peers out from the hatch and looks around "Huh..."
He looks down "There's nothing up here Twilight! I told you you were probably just hearing things!"